Don't Tell Our Wives: Warm Beer, Cheap Comedy, and News

This is our first episode back recording from the whole COVID-19/Corona Virus thing. We have finally started back up, trying to find our way away. But we're back and we're so ready, but without Gordy this week (whom we have joked that he stars in Stranger Things, but he only looks like the character Dustin).

We finally got into the news, where Honch brings his love for Detroit Lions, but he's not talking about the Tiger King, he is talking about the Washington Redskins changing their name. What we need to ask is, what do they change their name to? That said, they changed did finally change their name to "The Washington Football Team". Literally the most literal name you could go with....seriously that is the best that their marketing/PR department could come up with? They are only putting numbers on their helmet, with no identifying logo.

After discussing the names of sports team, clearly the only thing to talk about immediately after that is robots. But there is a tie in with the prior topic, because a Japanese baseball team has brought in a squad of robots, which includes some of them in dog form. What is odd about these robots is that the robots dance. Have you also seen all of those cardboard cutouts, or maybe the movie that D couldn't come up with; Weekend at Bernie's ? Turns out someone put Bernie on a cardboard cutout behind homeplate at an MLB game, or realistic sex dolls.

A man in Jamaica won the local lottery, and he won $95 million, which is approximately $670,000 in US dollars. In order to remain anonymous, the man dressed up in a Darth Vader costume. If the world had to see you, would you dress in disguise.

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We started off with Honch, who was discussing the things that he does to piss his wife off - whom I believe was using the term "Gordo".
When Honch is needed, he'll go out to the garage and then do nothing, including him listening to Amazon Music. Honch's wife was not a fan of him buying a new truck - so without any money. He then asked the guys, what we do to make our wives angry.

When the D's wife cooks, which is not her forte' - she makes these meals, and then the D takes ALL of it and then throws it into the trash.

Gordy likes to make his wife angry with the 'Dad Yawn', making it loud and prominent as possible, and he gets the death stare. Bubba typically goes to bed late, where he'll start doing chores. Bubba is out nailing items to the wall during a recent move, but that's not the kicker. Bubba will close his evening by taking a nice bag of chips in bed, which the grease reminded Honch of a girl in college.

There's a man who is enlisting the help of friends and the Internet to find a date. If you help him find his date, then you could get $25,000 for helping him. If the date ends up in a relationship in Kansas, then you could get the money.

Did you know that people standing up to whipe is a thing? Gordy never knew that this was a 'thing'. The room was 50/50. Gordy and D had no idea that people did this, but the other guys in the room are active practicers.

Do you tip your pizza guy? Bubba says leave a tip, or else!

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It has been awhile since our last episode. In fact, we had just recorded before COVID, but after being in a bit of a shutdown, we're finally back at it. But first, a few pre-COVID episodes to prime your ears.

After a brief intro, Honch kicks us off with a couple who decided that they wanted to make money by selling tickets to Heaven, and apparently they are solid gold. Doesn't that sort of remind you of the Charlie and The Chocolate Factory? As you'll hear in the story, it started when the couple had an 'epiphany' in a KFC parking lot, where he said Jesus gave him the tickets, of which, he said he would wear a wire to catch him.

His wife just wanted to get drugs, a trip to space, and a baby allegator. 

Did you ever think that when you didn't hear from family, that it could be that your wife essentially faked your death and had your grave. He has declared that he is alive. After talking about a case of fake death, Gordy tell us about going Salmon fishing, which is not really what they were doing. It begins with his friend "Nitro", who was dishing it out at some of the other guys, who ended up urinating in his beverage, which was really the intro to weekend shenanigans.

Bubba discovered what can only be summarized is dog-o-vision or pup-radio. Content and fully funded media all to help dogs that are home alone. A large percentage of dog owners are leaving media devices on.

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We startup this episode with the Honch trying to play footsie with the D, so we're not really sure what is going on. Whatever it is...completely disgusting.

We tackle the topic a woman that was arrested after blasting AC/DC's Highway To Hell and other loud music from her home, and she threw a frying pan at a member of her family. She was arrested 4 times in 26 hours. And apparently, she should just use headphones.

Would you look at a hotel special if you got a free room for getting pregnant? IF you have a baby from a Valentines Day 'nooner', you got a place to stay for 18 years, which is when they become an adult.

What do you think about the shower? Bubba tries to get us to think about really weird subjects in the shower, which includes your head travelling, pizza ovens, and more.

The Honch closes us down with a little 'can do' automotive advice.

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On this episode, Gordy is out, so it is just the D, Honch, and Bubba. It starts up really awkward with the Honch kicking us off with a story of McDonald's, including how to get hundreds of nuggets. What did it mean when for years we ate nuggets, but all of a sudden they announced all white meat. What were we eating before? However, that wasn't really the point of the topic, as a woman in Toledo, Ohio was so angry that she when was being rung up in the drive-thru, she pulled ahead to the next window where she was told that they were out of nuggets. The woman leaned out and slapped the employee in the face. OVER NUGGETS. Is that as bad as the shake machine going down?

Do you like giant candy bars? Bubba likes Reese's, the Honch likes Take 5. The Hershey company released a massive Take 5 bar. They took on Mars making the Snickers bar, which must of had something to do with the Superbowl 2020 commercial featuring a giant Snickers bar. If you could have a candy bar in giant form, what would it be?

Are you in the mood for sausage rolls? Bubba read an entire article and wasn't sure what it is. The British...or the 'red coats' apparently like the variant on pigs in a blanket. But chicken wings are king when it comes to Superbowl snacks, which Honch refers to it as the "Super Bowel"

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A 365 pound man ordered a pizza and was angry because he ordered garlic knots and didn't get them. He was so angry that he ended up punching the delivery man in the face. We're going to go out on a limb and say that he didn't get a tip.

An Australian man filled his entire vehicle with water and drove it to the liquor store. He was wearing scuba gear and had modified the vehicle so that you could drive it with water. That is certainly one way to do a beer run. The Honch then tells us about his parents getting 'flooded' out at the car wash, after wrapping up a date with his new girlfriend.

Also 'just in', a worker at a Best Buy in Hawaii had noticed a man stealing from the location more than once, so she attacked the man. As Gordy stated, "she wasn't having it." What some didn't know is that the worker had put in her 2 week notice to leave the company, but she was fired for the altercation.

A Kansas man has asked the judge to settle divorce terms with things like property taxes, by having a sword fight. He asked for time to train so that he could train for the bout. Just so you know, the Honch would sword fight his wife, and Gordy had a TV 'thrown' or pushed onto his head.

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In this episode, Honch gets us started off with what he does best, talking about the adult industry. A man is suing PornHub, claiming that the adult entertainment website doesn't provide closed caption for the hearing impaired. As it turns out, the VP of PornHub, Corey Price, publically responded that they have over 400 videos with CC. But how would they spell out certain things that take place in these videos, such as the sound of moaning.

Have you been to Nevada? If you're there right now, you may run into a pidgeon that has been walking and flying around with a sombrero hat. Earlier in 2019, people had spotted pidgeons wearing tiny cowboy hats. Would they add in tiny spurs? If you see it, please let us know!

Someone was on a plane from Texas to Chicago, and there was a drug fest. We don't really know how else to say it, but it included probably the grossest loogie ever described by mankind. Bubba closes us down with dad jokes, but Honch has the last word with a drunken summary of our cruise ship vacation.

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In this episode, the Honch is always here because we can't rid of him. And now with our new team member Gordy, we introduce him as someone who played Charlie in Kinky Boots.

Quickly we start in a little bit of a tiff. The Honch doesn't now how to pronounce Billie Eilish and he isn't a fan, but the D is a closet fan. It is not pronounced Billy Eyelash.

The Honch kicks off the news with a story coming out Missouri and Oklahoma. At an adult store, there was a carjacking involving a truck, a meth head, and a goat. We feel really bad for the goat, which makes us goat sympathizers. What happened to the goat?

What happens in the beginning of Big Lebowski? If you said tumbleweeds you are correct. In the state of Washington, tumblegeddon happened. Several cars and trucks were trapped when tumbleweeds took over the highway, which resulted people missing the New Years celebration.

After the news, Gordy shares a story about him being on vacation in Mexico, where he opened the cooler. He thought it was a bug, but as it turned out, his pants were down, thus exposing his male member to his in-laws and his grandparents. Gordy then discussed how weird things got, where his grandmother in-law asked to see it again. What would you do in that situation?

Honch also had an incident of accidental nudity, when he got out of the shower at home, it turned out that members of his family were there. Honch didn't know they were there, and he came out, and well, they saw all of his prizes.

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With our latest cast, Gordy is now introduced as a cast member of voice from various movies, of which he isn't. This week, we said that he was the voice of Johnny 5 in the 80's classic Short Circuit. It was a crew of 3 this week, as Bubba is currently out of commision but returning soon!

We're not sure if anyone knew this, but the Honch went to college and knew a guy who liked GILF and it's exactly what you think. His roommate would track down older women, spend $40 on PBR, and take people back to his room...yeet. The Honch had to sleep on the bottom bunk, which has made us all fortunate to hear some of his college life stories.

A Colorado man was feeling a little bit more giving this holiday season. A man in Colorado actually had robbed a bank, left the bank, and while making his way to his local Starbucks, was throwing money at people and yelling Merry Christmas. He sat and waited for the cops to arrest him. Good guy or bad guy?

Gordy poses the absolute necessity to make a decision. Who would you rather bang? Rod Stewart or Eddie Money, or how about Mama June and Vince from the Shamwow commercials. How about Susan Boyle or Mimi from The Drew Carey Show? Honch asked to add people to the equation.

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This week is still just the D and 'The Honch' together. In a basement. Alone. 
Honch rants about anti-vaccinations, including Jenny McCarthy, who thought that her and 'other moms' got autism from vaccinations. D didn't know that that whole story was unnearthed, but is this true?

But that is not the worst of the conversation. There was a lady in Australia that laced suckers with chicken pox, and then proceeded to hand them out to kids.

Do you like Jacuzzis? If you're looking for a great holiday/Christmas gift. There is a company that sells a jacuzzi for your balls or testicles (if you want to be more scientific). It is called the Testicuzzi, and it will keep your region ultra relaxed, and apparently they get their own spa day. And the coolest thing about it is that they used a 3D printer to prototype it, and you can get it in a multitude of colors.

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