Don't Tell Our Wives: Warm Beer, Cheap Comedy, and News

On this episode, we have 2 special guests, a husband and wife team. But to clarify, the D and the Jethro are not married. 

To get things kicked off, the D discusses beards. As it turns out, a recent research project from Switzerland showed that beards are gross. Research showed that microbial counts in dogs (30 furry dogs) vs. men yielded that beards are absolutely disgusting. 
We then go into discussing shows that keep you up late, including Timeless, 11/22/63, and other shows. They will blow your mind…including concepts of merging shows, without spoilers. 

After going on TV show rants, we go into questions from Reddit. What is normal to do as a child, but creepy to do as an adult? How about putting your fingers under the closed door of a bathroom…or eating a candy necklace? Or staring at your parents while they sleep – that would probably be really creepy as an adult. 
We found the holy grail of ‘the people of Walmart’. It involves karate, demolishing product displays, and a dog stealing cornbread.

On this episode of Delay Radio, we bring on 2 special guests in place of Honch (husband and wife duo!), who is held up in Canada (not really). So we start off as a complete mess, immediately going off the rails into who knows what. But we did talk about Taco Bell, Black Holes and the band Soundgarden, all before we get into the main schedule of the show.

We eventually got back on track, which which we thought would get us to questions from Reddit, but it ended up just being dad jokes. To be honest, we did struggle not to talk politics....but we did ease into the turtles and songs from Austin Powers. 

If you're looking for an evening of awkwardness, this is your episode of belligerent comedic bills. 

On this weekly episode of Delay Radio, we have Jethrow stepping away from his crazy business ideas. From the echo chamber (we have no idea what happened). Jethrow wants to shoot a movie about Helen Keller from the perspective of Helen Keller (sorry.) We are sure that movie won't last very long. That's okay. We went on to talk about other movies and inventions from Horrible Bosses. 

After talking about what happened after the TV show friends, Honch got on his phone and finally decided to figure out what was happening in the news, but really he ended up just finding funny news article headlines, and describing what it feels like to get hit in the face with all kinds of stuff. 

On this weekly episode of Delay Radio, we start off with a completely off the mark introduction, including of Honch, who leans back constantly every week. This time we lay down the rules, and maybe we'll just take the mic to his face.

We discuss random things as we always do, including Taxidermy, cows, and other things. As in many episodes, the Jethrow has a business idea. He wants to start a taxidermy business...featuring people's pets. We imagine that if something really bad happens to your pet..it may be too severe to recover. If you could do it to your pets, what about your spouse? His idea progressed, getting bigger and bigger. Picture the band at Chuck E Cheese's.....but your long gone loved one. Thank you for this golden moment Jethrow. After digging further, Honch brings up his sister in law's pet parrot that remembered the angry voices of people long gone.

After talking about new business ventures that will hopefully never happen, Honch discusses the 'super pooper' that was in the stall next to him. Honch felt relieved when that man was done...but what he noticed was that there was a phone number on the stall wall. The question of the episode was clearly...do people call those?

If you're a cow farmer, did you know there is a dating app for cows called Tudder? It's like Tinder but different. It's literally for farmers to find a dating hook up, so mooooove over Tinder. 

After talking about cows, we found a question on Reddit, which is what is the WTF moment you were a part of, or was a part of. D discusses one of his crazy buddies who believed that a bowling alley toilet was plumbed into the sewage system. Long story long, share your WTF moment with us!

Starting off as awkward as possible, we did get Honch at attention. Although you couldn't see him, Honch was having trouble staying close to his microphone, so we've made him lean over the table.  

So to kick things off, Jethrow disappeared from the Internet, and he has gotten rid of all of his social media accounts, including Facebook, Instagram, Twitter (you name it, it's gone). However, he does have an idea to start up his own social media platform, open to people...especially those that don't tattle on others, and it's really setup to speak your mind to the manager. That means you Karen. It will also have a built in tool that allows you to make other peoples' status updates yours. That way you don't have to take any ownership of it, that'll work, right?

After we can't find Jethrow on the Internet, Honch tells us the story about going to Minnesota, where he starts receiving texts from his wife's phone, including emojis. As it turns out, Honch has a hard time figuring out if it is his wife or his daughter texting him, so Honch searches the Internet to find the true meaning of emojis vs. what he thought it meant, and as you can imagine, it's all sexual...well most of it. Such as the 'smiley face with tears', which he thought was a happy anal accident. The main lesson learned is that you have to be careful about what emojis you are sending back and forth....especially when you are ready to go all night. Be careful with your emojis.

After learning about Emojis, D discusses a woman's purchase of the potato skins from TGI Friday's, which were found not to contain any actual skins. Long story long, the lady is suing in a class action lawsuit, which means you can jump on the bandwagon and also try to get your share...if for some reason you have been confused about the product you're buying, including the comparison to bacon bits and the Flintstones.

After talking about food lawsuits, we hear some questions on Reddit from a guy who was interested about meat alternatives. Would you eat them if they were cheaper and tasted good? We really like Steak, but what if they could 3D print it so we didn't know...and what if it tasted exactly like Steak, we'd probably buy it....maybe not Jethrow. But if you could make shakes that taste like anything you want, then you're talkin'. 

Does ASR creep you out? We whisper in our intro, but still...ASR is a whole different thing. 

After being really awkward as usual, Honch talks about his adventures of going to the barber shops, and how he is super angry about not finding a real barber shop, especially one that doesn't know that the pole stands for walk-ins, yet it is appointment only. He wants the real experience of going to a barbershop in questionable areas, such as getting his car stolen, and he wants really bad beer, not a coffee. He has resorted to his wife cutting his hair, with the exception of one place.

After Honch discussing his desire for warm beer and a haircut, Jethrow talks about 'cut and run', a new business focused on specialty hair cuts. After D's brain has a glitch, Jethrow talks about homeless game show ideas, giving homeless people $1,000 and a one way ticket to anywhere, sans avocados.

Have you heard of the butt hole tickler? He's a real man that has been terrifying people in their homes, sneaking in and tickling men's butt holes, you would never guess what he looks like (you have to listen). There's also a poop app that helps you identify poop on the streets of San Francisco. Remember to wash your hands. 

So we'll admit that it has been awhile in the world of delay radio. Some life things happened, mostly winter. But we've crawled out of our bear caves to get things going again. 

That said, Jethrow didn't know that the 'Florida man' thing existed, so just before jumping on the mics, we did it. You enter your Florida man and your birthday into Google, and you're essentially whatever the headline is.

Jethrow searched for his, where a man decided to throw a toilet through a window, and long story short, when cops showed up, the man was actually sitting on a toilet, it's a number 2 felony. Honch looks for his, and again, a toilet story - Walmart bathroom. And at some point, Honch mistook the Twilight Zone reboot with the revival of Twilight, where he declared he is for team Jacob (we don't care how it is spelled). 

So at the beginning of the year, all of us kicked off a 'diet', and our dad bod. Honch gets upset over some of the foods to have diet...and somehow we end up insulting Mike Tyson, whom we actually love by the way.

We're not really sure what else just happened. 

Honch is out this week, so we try to tackle the topics of the world, including obsure Malcolm in The Middle reference, and then we falsely identify the parts of the movie Halloween - including that Fergie is in it. Only one of the members actually watched it.

Do you know how to properly pronounce Ariana Grande? The D will she the record straight for you. On to actual news - a town north of Duluth, MN has been experiencing drunk birds flying around as they were eating fermented berries. As it turns out, the police just told people to calm down.

We then got into questions from Reddit. What action films would be better adapted to an animated film. Anything with Bruce Willis, Meg, and so on. That somehow to into what happens when we downloaded MP3's from the Internet years ago..and legos. 

We kickoff this week's episode of Delay Radio like every other...awkwardly. Jethrow kicks us off with searching Reddit for questions, including someone seeking advice for new college students. Get a blood test, remember you're young, and in the words of Jethrow, "don't". We mean, there are probably some famous people that figured it out, right? Because dad doesn't understand that the world is different so you still need tuition for next semester. Here are some other options: get famous on Instagram - there's a few ideas. Well, one. Okay? Okay. After we talked about this, we turned this into a conversation about PB&J.

Also, D had this rubber toy that was a banana filled with sand - that he was whipping around the entire episode. But we quickly got down to business. Police in New York were able to catch 3 robbery suspects from a burger joint, following a trail of macaroni salad. Also, in Kuwait, local fish market owners took googly eyes , the ones that you find at hobby or craft stores, and put them on the fish to make them appear fresh. How do people not realize this? As it turns out, people really didn't fall for it, and they were shot down.

After talking about real news headlines,Hackerman tried to trick the rest of the team by mixing real news headlines with the others and trying to make us guess which one is fake.

Once we actually go started, we came up with the jobs/careers that we wanted hypothetically, and then how we could ruin it. Honch wanted to be a pizza delivery man, so it makes sense that he wouldn't own a car, D wanted to be a CEO,Hackerman wants to be a pilot so he's going to be blind - and Jethrow wants to develop video games, so he's going to get migraine headaches when he's thinking about video games.

After talking about jobs, Honch wanted to talk about 'bathroom behaviors'. Honch gives his list of things not to do in the bathroom - he's so angry about the stupid stuff that people do in the bathroom. Honch decided to quiz us about what to do in various scenarios, including warm breathing and 'thunder dumping'.

Eventually we make our way to world records, including eating powdered donuts, cats and dice, balancing a soccer ball on a car, and then we end with guessing fake news headlines, including ghosts,goats,uber,candy.