Don't Tell Our Wives: Warm Beer, Cheap Comedy, and News

So after some complete nonsense, we go into porn names. There is the old addage about using your street name, middlename, etc. But as it turns out, there are some other methods to come up with your porn screen name - and each of us give up our new porn names. And with those conventions, what happens if the street you live on is socially prominent? Yes, we accidentally went there...and as it turns out, Jethrow is Christopher Steel.

After talking about bad porn names, we talk about smells - a wife made a perfume that smelled like her husband, who is an astronaut because she missed him. We asked the group what musk smell they would want for the rest of your life; BBQ and other food items came up, but the Honch took it a step further to grilled pineapple.

We think we're running a real news podcast, but we're apparently doing it wrong, because we're using a soundboard. But once we go off on a real tangent of playing with sound fx, an 82 year old man has been growing his nails for 66 years, and recently cut them for display at Ripley's Believe It Or Not in New York City. What started as punishment from a teacher, turned into a lifetime of nail growing. And you won't believe this, but they had to use a grinder to cut the nails. The longest nail was 6.5 ft long, can you believe that?

After talking about super long nails, Honch was disgusted...and wanted to get back to being normal after hearing the story about nails, so a youth football coach has been banned after he was aggressively flashing his penis at a game, and not just at the players, but at the crowd as well. This, of course, was after becoming drunk, drinking quite a few pints of beer. If you don't want to be fined, then you should probably stop drinking.

After talking about penis flashing, we found a question on reddit, "What fictional president of the U.S is your favorite?" As it turns out, quite a few of the guys chose Idiocracy's president as their favorite, and a few funny mentions of Armageddon. A couple of the guys have seen the latest installment of Mission Impossible, featuring Tom Cruise doing all of the standard shots for the movie. By the way, how old is he?

After talking about movies, a man rolled a car in Hershey, Nebraska. He hitchhiked away from his vehicle, but he said he was going to assault to police, but he took a frog hostage and proceeded to throw rocks and trash at the police, and in case you were wondering...the frog is fine!

After going into bad impressions of muppets, we go into the "would you rather?" via the wonderful book of Zobmondo. Would you rather swab peoples toes, or have a job taking pictures of skin conditions, which turned into a story about D playing in the woods, getting exposed. He awoke and had to eat a Big Mac through a straw because he insisted on it. You're welcome McDonalds.

On this week's episode, we start out with the scary movie harmony. If you haven't caught on, we do a voice intro. We got right into a movie that Jethrow watched about a sexually transmitted demon. We decided that we needed a soundboard, after going on about the Amish filming a movie.

Have you seen the movie ghost? It doesn't matter, because no one wants to give their bit of news. Jethrow begins to tell us news that he heard on the radio. It is official that California has fire tornadoes, not the ones you find at your local 7-Eleven, but actual tornadoes made out of fire. So what would you do if fire tornadoes became beings? Honch points out that since we're talking about tornadoes, what about shartnadoes? Turns out that the highest level is the lava sauce from Taco Bell (is that hotter than the blazin' sauce?

D built an arcade machine in his basement, which features what of the creepiest games ever called "Chiller", which is the creepiest arcade game ever made. Look that video game up on Google. You will be freaked out. It also features the game..."American Horse Shoes", which is a classic game not made in America. It was actually made in Japan.

In Germany, a man was afraid of a baby squirrel. Yes, we repeat, a baby squirrel. The man was so scared in fact, that he called the police is desparation. The harmless creature was trying to use the man as his mother. As it turns out, the squirrel was rescued by the town and is now an official mascot.

Every week, Jethrow goes online to find bad questions on Reddit. We discussed what really bad loading screens would be for video games, well, if your life was a video game.

Honch recently went to Witchita, Kansas and spoke to a man with one tooth, and really bad colored gums. What the honch did next was try to figure out why people with one tooth don't try to take care of it. Did you know that tooth enamel is the hardest substance in the human body? If you don't floss, you miss 40% of your tooth service - apparently everything is disgusting.

There is a bunch of other stuff that we talked about...like some French stuff, but no one cares :-)

We kick off this week's podcast with a quick callout to Chipotle's food poisoning incident, and to the 'radio voice' featuring a Janis Joplin tribute band, and Molly Hatchet.

So the 'D' has betrayed Honch, divulging details about a cruise that Honch bought for his wife..because D didn't know the details. And not to sidetrack, have you ever had trash grits? It has pork belly, but that tarnishes everything because D ruined Honch's life. I guess we'll resort to drinking beer.

Hackerman had some pretty interesting news coming out of the U.S; a senate member (well, she's actually running for the house of representatives) has posted her degree, which she didn't actually get. Multiple people called her out - including the university that she claimed to get it from. She 'studied' marketing, but as it turns out, the university doesn't even offer that - irony.

After talking about fake degrees, we found a question from Reddit - wondering what the most disliked professions are from consumers. Proctology could be one - or customer service. That seems to be a theme. It seems that customer service is the most hated - by everyone, including the customer service people. Jethrow's wife used to like people until she had a customer service job. Life tip: Don't yell at trainees - especially if you see Honch washing dishes. Side discussion, are trainee badges get out of jail free cards?

Something big, besides potatoes, happened in Idaho. Residents in town, somewhere in there, there were 100 goats running rampant, eating everything in peoples' yards - everything in sight. They eventually got them under control, but for awhile people were...well, panicked.

We have no idea what happened after that.

We started the podcast by not starting it the way it should start, with an intro. We actually just started talking about "Weekend at Bernie's" and the dance from Michael Jackson's "Thriller". Once we realized we should probably kick things off, we finally kicked it off.

Going through introductions, we keep it very open. Honch was talking about his wife's coffee, he accidentally used the word corpse, but we assure you that his wife is alive. Apparently her coffee order is getting more complicated, and he is so mad about it. Why can't you just order a regular coffee? Cold pressed, brewed, a venti,smoked,double espressor, more cream. And not to totally go off the side, but what do people get when they are searching for BBC on the Internet? Do they really get the news, but get other results?

After talking about coffee, we went onto wrestles, Macho Man, Hulk Hogan, and Owen Hart. So CVS is being sued - this is what happens; he was getting Viagra and paying cash, and his wife called about his medications, and found out that her husband was taking it. He is now going after the chain of pharmacies. Apparently, the man's marriage has broken down.

What is the most temping that that isn't worth it? Honch thinks that it is anal - on either end of the conversation, as long as you give him a McCafe. Telling your wife "I told you so." is probably something you would regret. The D was tempted to use the meat slicer at the deli counter, which would probably always end in a devestation.

A woman showed up to winning the lottery in an emoji mask. That is one way to show up so people don't know who you are at the end of the day. And have you ever purchased McDonalds and just left it out to see it not age? A man took a 6 year old Big Mac and fries and put them up for sale on eBay. The eBay team ended up taking them down. If you listen for anything, just listen because of the phrase "Raymond Noodles". And did you know that Ramen Noodles come on halves?

On this week's episode, we starting out by being not sorry about anything, with a quick hommage to some weird 50's and 60's songs. And how we like our women - coffee, and other various things. We immediately give Hackerman a host of stage names all driven by web tech; PHP, DJ Ruby on Rails, etc.

To kick us off, Honch talks about announcing at a race track to get into a news story about a woman getting hit in the face with a hot dog, because as it turns out, if you use an air cannon - people get shot. We guess that is an easy way to get food, albeit something wrapped in duct tape, frankly...

So after digging around Reddit, Jethrow wanted to get into some life lessons, including letting other kids borrow your bike, playing with scissors and electricity, and we eventually get into talking about volcanoes. Long story short, you shouldn't try to cook food over a volcano. Would you cook something over a Volcano?

After talking about who knows what, Hackerman drops us (in British accent), 'would you rathers' concerning something we did disuss already somewhat; drinking sweat or hot dog water, so we had to get a new one. Would you rather always feel itchy or feel like you have to pee all the time.

On this episode of Delay Radio, we bring on our newest member, hackerman (is it pronounced hackerman, or hackermen?) and we'll probably spend the rest of eternity trying to shorten his name.

Honch went on vacation to Atlanta, Georgia, where he subjected his family to our very own podcast for hours on end -- all the way from Michigan to Georgia. Instead of playing it over his Bluetooth connection, he listened to it over the phone. We're still not sure how he was driving, but apparently it was with one hand against his wife's face. He continued to laugh at all of his own jokes, and perhaps while maintaining an erection.

Once the Honch was done talking about vacation, he ended up shopping for lube on Amazon. We don't know why he was shopping lube, but he found a 55 gallon drum on Amazon - which pairs well with his Wish app; he's trying to get a deal. How much is too much lube? (trick question). Turns out that he could get Prime shipping on a massive drum of lube, who knew?

So once we were done talking about Honch's lube, we got some questions from Reddit. The question was what film would include one real actor and the muppets. Immediately, Hackerman chimes in with a movie starring Nicolas Cage - it just makes sense. We also talk about Tom Hanks, who is a panel favorite.

After talking about who knows what, a woman is proactively suing NASA to keep a vile of moon dust given to her by Neil Armstrong (it wasn't lube). The 'priceless lunar particles' are inherently property of the United State government, so this may be a tricky lawsuit, especially when the woman had posessed the lunar dust since she was 10 years old. Scientists are currently researching the dangers of moon dusts. Maybe that is also on Amazon, maybe not.

Jethrow follows up with more questions from Reddit, including questions that you ask the interviewer at a job interview. Honch was interviewed by D for his job - and D made all of the efforts to be as creepy as possible. Honch asked him what he did at the company he interviewed at. Jethrow asked (before being interrupted from a barking animal creature) what he would need to do to take someone's job. Did you know that DMX is the rap equivelant of Kid Rock - and we quickly ran out of time. We survived - hopefully you made it through.

On this week's episode of Delay Radio, we have special guest, only known by his intimate circle of friends as Protor - he had the right to remain silent apparently, so he did...well for the most part.

D starts off with his 'juicy' story in a batman voice (only part of the time). The ultimate level of irony plays out. So a man has been arrested with gun posession charges, but the irony is that he has a tattoo of a pistol on his head. He has a felony conviction on his record, so he cannot own a gun. On top of that, he was driving his Toyota Camry (without all season tires) and slammed it into a pole. So he's pretty classy as you can imagine. Why would you bust a guy like this?

After talking about the guy who crashed his Camry, Jethrow finds a question from 'Mike Nasty' on Reddit. How do you deal with a person who interrupts peoples' stories to tell their own? Well, you could push them down some stairs, get up and leave (thank you Protor), you could spray it with a spray bottle like a wet dog. The best answer that Jethrow could find is - trick them. Apparently, you can start telling them one of their stories, so they get mixed up - well we think we got that right. Honch would rather punch him in the mouth.

After getting off topic, Honch tells us about the worst stuff that has fallen from the sky, including a meteorite that fell and hit a woman. We repeat, a meteor came from space, entered the atmosphere and then hit a woman. There was a plane that dropped Vampire fish from the sky - and a plan that had blood drop from the sky. As it turns out, most of these things come from plane cargo. I guess be careful how you pack your carryon. Also, did you know that optimus prime was French?

After talking for several minute about flying on planes, Jethrow goes on to talk about peanut M&M's ice cream. That flavor doesn't already exist? They have ice cream for Snickers!!

On this week's comedy news podcast, we have a few funny topics, including rats and ATM's (with the weird news noise), and an update from the Alabama poop train from Honch, and some other things. Immediately, before actually talking about the knews, we get off topic, discussing Seinfeld and showering with food. Croutons will definetely not work in the shower.

So we finally get onto the news story, which is an update from 7 months ago (we think, we don't understand the concept of time). So a train gets stuck in Alabama with a bunch of poop, just sitting in a city. Now we've learned from Honch that the train was finally emptied...and maybe in Georgia, probably somewhere around Atlanta. Sorry people of Atlanta.

After talking about trains and poop, we turn to Reddit for some of the best questions that Jethrow found on Reddit. The first question was, what was it like in the 2000's in school? Jethrow and D take a trip back to memory lane about skipping school in the video store, sneaking out of computer class, and ultimately buying orange slice candy. Jethrow packed up all of his books and just left chemistry class, including skipping school with the 'W', who is now a doctor. If you don't remember the 2000's, at least the very early ones...we didn't have Facebook, Instagram, or other social media. And we had horrible ringtones, and maybe some people had pages. After some additional discussion, Honch makes Jethrow almost choke to death on his Pepsi.

So something amazing happened in India these last few weeks. Bank technicians were called to investigate an ATM that wasn't working. As it turns out, a rat made its way inside of the ATM, and ate nearly $18,000 in Indian currency. Let's repeat that, a RAT ate $18K in paper money...and it wasn't all singles.

After making terrible car noises, including BRAP BRAP BRAP and some anti-lag, Jethrow had another question from Reddit, which is how did you mess with the computers in school? Jethrow goes back to the days of computer programming, where he created a fake program to make the teacher thing that it was reformatting the harddrive. D goes on to talk about another story with the 'W', who was 'fixing' a CD rom drive with a pencil, and ended up replacing it. D also brought his computer speakers to class with his guitar pedal, and would play music in class. Honch got a disease on Oregon Trail. That was about the extent of his malicious computer adventures, and also moving the keys on the keyboard.

On this week's comedy news podcast, we have a few funny topics. Including, the trademarked smell of play-doh (why don't they just spell it play dough?). In addition to this we have a case of mistaken identify from the police..

Honch jumps in with a story from Vancouver, Canada, where a criminal was listed as a drug dealer #1 on his phone, for which he was busted by police. We also find out what Honch is called on his cell phone. The moral of the story is stop challenging the authority....because there is always a reason why you get arrested...and be careful what your phone calls you

After getting arrested by the police, Jethrow tackles questions from Reddit, where we learn about the guys' worst fears including heights, being afraid of bees. Jethrow screams like a girl...and then runs from bees. He's not allergic to bees, but extremely afraid of them...especially the ones in his shed where his lawnmower is. The Honch is afraid of the kids slime, but he's really afraid of snakes and his willing to burn his house down to get away from them. We went way off topic to..from dog poop, to seaweed, to exercise, to throwing your back out.

After attempting to get back off topic, your childhood is about to be mixed up. The smell of Play-Doh is now trademarked. You got that right, the 'distinctive' smell of Play-Doh, which is described as, "sweet, slightly musky, vanilla like fragrance..." is trademarked. It caused Honch to drop some dough in his pants. Making kids regular since the mid 1900's.

After talking about Play-Doh, we talk about traveling back into time to half of your age, what would you do to change your futures? D would get the book from Back to The Future and win the lottery a few times. Honch would bet on Tom Brady, and Jethrow would leave himself for messages the future to not do certain things. D discusses his love of the NBC TV show Timeless.

You'll need an ambulance to listen to this.