Recovery After Stroke

Double Vision After Stroke: What Jorden’s Story Reveals About Brainstem Stroke Recovery

Listen Later
Double Vision After Stroke: What Jorden’s Story Teaches Us About Brainstem Stroke Recovery

Double vision after stroke is one of those symptoms no one imagines they’ll ever face—until the day they wake up and the world has split in two. For many stroke survivors, it’s confusing, frightening, and completely disorienting. And when it happens as part of a brainstem stroke, like it did for 45-year-old attorney Jorden Ryan, it can mark the beginning of a long and unpredictable recovery journey.

In this article, we walk through Jorden’s powerful story, how double vision after stroke showed up in his life, and what other survivors can learn from the way he navigated setback after setback. If you’re living with vision changes or recovering from a brainstem stroke, this piece is for you.

The Morning Everything Changed

Jorden went to bed preparing for a big day at work. By morning, nothing made sense. When he opened his eyes, the room looked doubled—two phones, two walls, two versions of everything. He felt drunk, dizzy, and disconnected from his own body.

Double vision after stroke often appears suddenly, without warning. In Jorden’s case, it was the first sign that a clot had formed near an aneurysm in his brainstem.

As he tried to read his phone, he realised he couldn’t. As he tried to stand, he collapsed. And as nausea took over, his vision became just one of many things slipping away.

He didn’t know it then, but this was the beginning of a brainstem stroke recovery journey that would test every part of who he was.

When the Body Quits and the World Keeps Moving

Even when paramedics arrived, the situation remained confusing.

“You’re too young for a stroke,” they told him.
But the double vision, vomiting, and collapsing legs said otherwise.

By the time he reached the hospital, he was drifting in and out of consciousness. Inside the MRI, everything changed again—his left side stopped working completely. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t swallow. His ability to control anything was gone.

For many survivors, this is where the fear sets in—not only the fear of dying, but the fear of living this way forever.

Understanding Double Vision After Stroke

Double vision happens when the eyes no longer work together. After a stroke—especially a brainstem stroke—the nerves that control eye alignment can be affected.

Survivors often describe it the way Jorden did:

  • blurry, overlapping images

  • difficulty reading

  • nausea when focusing

  • a sense of being “detached” from reality

  • exhaustion from trying to make sense of their surroundings

    • In Jorden’s case, double vision wasn’t the only issue, but it shaped everything that came after. It influenced his balance, his confidence, and even whether he felt safe leaving his home.

    Three Weeks Missing: The Silent Part of Recovery

    Jorden spent nearly three weeks in a coma-like state. Days blurred together. Friends visited. Family gathered. He remembers fragments, but not the whole chapter.

    When he finally became more aware, nothing worked the way it used to—not his speech, not his swallow, not his limbs, and certainly not his vision.

    This is something many survivors aren’t prepared for:

    Stroke recovery often begins long before you’re fully conscious.

    Starting Over: The Fight to Stand Again

    Inpatient rehab became Jorden’s new world. It was full of firsts, none of them easy.

    The first time he tried to sit up.

    The first time he attempted to transfer out of bed.
    The first swallow test.
    The first attempt to speak.

    Everything required more energy than he had.

    And yet, small wins mattered:

    “When my affected hand moved for the first time, I felt human again.”

    Double vision made everything more complicated, especially balance and spatial awareness. Even brushing his teeth triggered trauma because of early choking experiences in hospital.

    Still, he kept going.

    Life Doesn’t Pause for Stroke Recovery

    Just like so many survivors say, the world didn’t stop for Jorden to recover.

    On the very day he left inpatient rehab, his close friend—who had also lived with paralysis—died by suicide. Not long after, his dog passed away too.

    It felt unfair. Cruel. Like everything was happening at once.

    But even in that darkness, Jorden found a way to keep moving.

    Not fast. Not perfectly.
    Just forward.

    Learning to Walk Again With Vision Working Against Him

    Double vision after stroke made walking terrifying. Every step felt unpredictable. Every movement demanded complete attention.

    He used a slackline as a walking rail. He held onto countertops, walls, chairs—anything that would keep him upright. He practised daily, even when the exhaustion was overwhelming.

    This is something survivors often underestimate:

    Vision problems drain energy faster than physical limitations.

    Your brain is constantly trying to make sense of visual chaos. Of course you get tired faster. Of course progress feels slow.

    But slow progress is still progress.

    Humour as a Survival Tool

    Many survivors rely on humour to keep themselves grounded.

    For Jorden, it showed up in moments like these:

    His leg falling off the footrest of a wheelchair and being dragged without him realising.
    Gym sessions where he pushed through fatigue—even after peeing his pants slightly.
    Laughing at situations that would’ve once embarrassed him.

    Humour didn’t erase the trauma, but it gave him permission to keep going.

    “Now it’s me versus me. Every step I take is a win, even if no one sees it.”

    What Jorden Wants Every Survivor to Know
    • Recovery doesn’t end after 12 months.

    • Double vision after stroke can improve—even years later.

    • Brainstem stroke recovery isn’t linear.

    • You’re allowed to grieve what you lost and still fight for what’s ahead.

    • The simplest achievements matter.

    • Hope is not naïve—it’s a strategy.

      • His story is proof that even when everything falls apart, life can still move forward.

      If You’re Living With Double Vision After Stroke

      You are not alone.

      Your progress might feel invisible.
      Your days might feel slow and frustrating.
      But your brain is still rewiring, still adapting, still learning.

      And you don’t have to navigate that alone either.

      Take the Next Step in Your Recovery

      If you want guidance, support, and practical tools for rebuilding life after stroke, you’re invited to explore the resources below:

      Read Bill’s Book:

      The Unexpected Way That a Stroke Became the Best Thing That Happened

      Join the Patreon:

      Recovery After Stroke

      This blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Please consult your doctor before making any changes to your health or recovery plan.

      Jorden Ryan: Living With Double Vision After Stroke & Finding a Way Forward

      He woke up seeing double, and everything changed. Jorden’s journey through double vision after stroke shows how recovery can begin in the darkest moments.

      Jorden’s Facebook

      Highlights:

      00:00 Introduction to Double Vision After Stroke

      03:15 The Day Everything Changed
      10:26 When the Diagnosis Finally Made Sense
      16:32 Surviving a Second Stroke
      21:47 What Recovery Really Feels Like
      32:16 The Emotional Toll No One Talks About
      44:57 The First Swim After Stroke
      54:08 Finding Light in the Darkest Moments
      59:28 Living with PTSD After Stroke
      01:15:01 Being Told “You’ll Never…” by Doctors
      01:26:40 Finding Meaning After Stroke

      Transcript:

      Introduction to Jorden Ryan’s Double Vision After Stroke

      Bill Gasiamis (00:01)

      Welcome again to the Recovery After Stroke podcast. I’m Bill Gasiamis. And if you’re listening right now, chances are stroke recovery feels confusing and isolating. I get that. I’ve been there. Leaving the hospital, feeling lost, desperate for clarity and unsure of what comes next. That’s why this podcast exists. Recovery After Stroke gives you real stories and expert insights that help guide your recovery so you can feel more confident, informed.

      and in control of your progress. And so you never have to feel alone or uncertain again. Today you’ll hear from Jordan Ryan, a 45 year old attorney who woke up one morning and nothing worked anymore. His story is raw, honest, and filled with moments that every stroke survivor will recognize. Fear, frustration, identity loss, and the courage to begin again. But I won’t spoil the episode. I’ll let you hear it from him. Jordan Ryan, welcome to the podcast.

      Jorden Ryan (00:58)

      Thank you, Bill. Happy to be here.

      Bill Gasiamis (01:01)

      Great to have you here. So if I recall correctly, your stroke was in March, 2024. So not that long ago. What was life like before that?

      Jorden Ryan (01:10)

      Life, I would say, was pretty normal. I didn’t have any symptoms or anything and I was a attorney. I walked to work every day about two miles and everything was going well. So right up until the night that I went to sleep, I had no symptoms at all.

      Bill Gasiamis (01:26)

      What kind of person were you then? Your routine, for example, and your relationships, where were they at? What kind of life did you lead?

      Jorden Ryan (01:34)

      I was awesome, right? No, just kidding. Yeah, they were good. Like I had a lot of friends and work colleagues and they did a lot. Like I was mostly a social person and went out a lot. So not home that much. I mean, I made a lot of friends in my loft, like down the halls were a lot of friends, but I lived by myself.

      Bill Gasiamis (01:55)

      ⁓ Well, if you thought you were awesome, I’m going to go with that. I got no problem with you thinking you are awesome. What about your health? Did you have a sense of your health? You know, we often talk about how we felt and what we were like and how energetic we were. Did you have a sense of where your health was at now in hindsight?

      Jorden Ryan (02:17)

      No, I did not. Actually, ⁓ I had a deviated septum from somebody hitting me in the face a while back from me trying to stop a fight. And so it took three surgeries to finally get it correct. Like they had to take a piece of my rib and some of my ear to straighten out my nose. But anyways, I say all that because it made me gain a lot of weight and I guess have sleep apnea. I didn’t know that, but you know, the girl I was dating at the time told me. So anyways, I got it fixed.

      And I had just seen a person to help me lose weight, the doctor and everybody. so I thought my health was good. And I had probably maybe a year and a half ago, I got into a jet ski, just knocked on conscious when I hit the water. So they did a cat scan and I didn’t know, but I thought that when they did that, I was fine. I was healthy. I didn’t know it would take an MRI to know that stuff. So I felt.

      totally fine until the event.

      The Day Everything Changed


      Bill Gasiamis (03:17)
      So after the nose surgery, things started to improve with regards to your weight and your sleeping. Yeah.

      Jorden Ryan (03:22)

      I don’t know that, like, I tried to get a CPAP machine before my surgery and yes, I was starting to work out more but I was still a little bit tired I guess but I mean nothing like, un-normal like, really bad or anything like that.

      Bill Gasiamis (03:38)

      Yeah, I do hear that sleep apnea is kind of that strange kind of a thing that people don’t realize they have until somebody diagnoses it and says to them, this is why you feel so drained, so tired all the time. And then they get it resolved in one way or another and things improve, especially with a, sometimes with a CPAP machine. So, ⁓ but then you’ll fit an active and you were pretty well. So take us back to that moment of that first stroke or what?

      What was it like? What happened?

      Jorden Ryan (04:08)

      So when I had ZPAP like to get a diagnosis or whatever they sent something in the mail and you just put it on your finger it was not as comprehensive as an actual sleep study and they said well that will be fine anyway so I got the machine it was very hard for me to sleep with so it would keep me up it did the exact opposite of what it was supposed to do so anyways that night I went to bed I had a big day the next day work call international call

      and I was gonna be the only one on the call, only attorney on the call. And so I woke up, I could not sleep, which was kind of normal with the CPAP machine. So I watched a movie and then went to sleep maybe an hour before it was time to wake up. And I went to bed and my alarm went off and I got up and I felt like really strange. I saw double, basically like I felt like I’d been drinking all night or something. Then, ⁓

      I called into work and said, I’m sorry I cannot help you. Like, I was looking at my cell phone, which I do all the time, and I couldn’t read it or anything like that. being, you know, kind of naive, I think I took a quick shower, like, rinse some cold water on me, thinking maybe that would fix it. No, that’s ridiculous, but I thought it would, and when it got worse, that’s when I called on my one.

      Bill Gasiamis (05:35)

      Yeah, how long did they take to arrive? Do you feel

      Jorden Ryan (05:38)

      Mmm, I felt like forever, but I think it was pretty short. I lived in the city So the ambulance was right down the street. So I think like maybe 15 minutes or something like that

      Bill Gasiamis (05:49)

      Were you able to let them in?

      Jorden Ryan (05:52)

      I was, I, you know, the dispatch 911 person said to make sure I unlocked the door first. I thought I was having a stroke, but I fell down on my knees and laid against my bed and it was very difficult to go open the door to let them in. So yes, I was able to unlock the door and I did that. And I just started throwing up like more than I’ve ever vomited before in my life. Like something was really wrong.

      my leg went out. I didn’t know that it like couldn’t move at all. I just fell backwards and it was kidney due to throwing up. So then they came and I was still able to stand and talk and I felt, I mean, other than throwing up and double vision, I felt fine. So they told me that I was probably too young to have a stroke and that maybe it was just ready to go. So I was thinking that, okay, well I’ll just go to the hospital and

      you know, get checked out and I’ll come home early. But it seemed to get worse as things were going. I pulled myself up onto the gurney the EMTs had and I remember thinking like I’ve got to go to the hospital now and they were like being nice and getting my stuff and my phone and whatever else and if I threw up they were getting the trash can and I remember thinking I didn’t care if all of my stuff was stolen. I need to go to the hospital now.

      So we definitely got up there. When I was kind of in and out of consciousness by that time and I got to the hospital and they checked me out like an actual MRI. And when I was inside of it is when my left side of my body completely quit working. So I didn’t know what was going on. I mean, I had no clue. So I pulled myself out of the MRI.

      And some people get claustrophobic or whatever, but this was a square machine and because I felt sick already and half my body quit working while I was in there, it really put fear in me to get out.

      Bill Gasiamis (07:59)

      ⁓ So you had the right to the hospital, they saw you rather rapidly before they got you into the MRI?

      Jorden Ryan (08:10)

      The EMTs did see me pretty quick. They did not think I had a stroke, so it wasn’t as maybe punctual as possible. they were still… I mean, the fire department, I think, was maybe a quarter of a mile from my house. So they got there pretty fast.

      Bill Gasiamis (08:27)

      Yeah,

      okay. So when you got to hospital, what was that like? What happened then?

      Jorden Ryan (08:33)

      Yeah, by the time I got to the hospital, I was barely able to be coherent at all. Like someone would say, hey, Jordan, I would bring me to for a second, like, what is your phone number? And I could answer, but then I would be out again. when they were taking me to the MRI, they kind of with me. And this was the first time that I was frightened for my life. I think that one of the nurses was like, I can’t believe they’re going to waste the time to do MRI on this person.

      He’s gonna die anyway. There are people that need them. Machine.

      Bill Gasiamis (09:04)

      Wow,

      they didn’t say that, did they?

      Jorden Ryan (09:07)

      Well, I was like, couldn’t talk, couldn’t move. I don’t know if they said it for real, but I think so. I believe that’s what they said. then I was like, this is not how I die. I’ve done so much crazy stuff. can’t be just cause I was going to work early in the morning. ⁓

      Bill Gasiamis (09:22)

      Wow.

      So you have a sense that that’s what they said while you’re being, while you’re on the bed being moved to the MRI.

      Jorden Ryan (09:32)

      Well, I was in going to like a holding area, like a waiting area to do MRI. Yeah. And so they left me and I couldn’t move. And so it was pretty scary. Yeah. And then after the MRI, the nurse did say, you know, we need to call your family. And so I did unlock my iPhone and I remember her calling, but it’s kind of hazy in and out of that. And I think

      They said, need to call the family so they can say their goodbyes. I think I overheard that. And I was like, what is going on? This can’t be this serious, right? So I really do believe I did hear that though.

      Bill Gasiamis (10:12)

      Seems like they may have very quickly upgraded your condition from vertigo, which they originally said when they arrived and seems like they kind of knew that something else dramatic was happening.

      Jorden Ryan (10:19)

      Yeah

      When the Diagnosis Finally Made Sense

      That’s correct. I wish it would have been just ready to go. Right. But it was all of a sudden went from, you know, pretty good news or decent, extremely dire consequences or like something bad was going to happen. Yes.

      Bill Gasiamis (10:42)

      Yeah. How old were you in 2024?

      Jorden Ryan (10:46)

      I was 45.

      Bill Gasiamis (10:49)

      Yeah. And do you have a sense now? Do you understand what it was that caused the stroke? We’ll jump back into Jordan’s story in just a moment. But first, I wanted to pause and acknowledge something. If you’re listening to this and stroke recovery feels confusing and isolating, I want you to know you’re not imagining it. I know exactly what that feels like. That’s why I created Recovery After Stroke to bring you real stories and insights that guide

      your recovery and help you feel more confident, informed and in control. And if you’d like to go deeper, remember to check out my book, The Unexpected Way The Stroke Became, The Best Thing That Happened, and support the show on Patreon at patreon.com slash recovery after stroke.

      Jorden Ryan (11:34)

      Yes, I do have ⁓ an aneurysm in my, ⁓ in the brainstem. can’t, it affected the pontine area and the salabella. Like I cannot remember the nerves. Unfortunately, I’m sorry. The veins that it’s in, but it is really big and the blood being kind of, ⁓ kind of mixed around. mean, like because my vein is so wide, the clots can form just. Yeah.

      Bill Gasiamis (12:03)

      Okay, so with an aneurysm, you’re at risk of it bursting, but then because of the different shape, the high pressure and the low pressure systems that occur in the aneurysm create a different blood flow. It causes the blood to turn into a clot and then perhaps get stuck there. And then when it gets big enough, it can break off or move and then it causes the clot.

      Jorden Ryan (12:31)

      Yeah, I don’t know if it breaks off and or just makes a clot and get stuck in there, but same concept, I think. Right. And so, yeah.

      Bill Gasiamis (12:40)

      Okay, so then you know that now after they did the MRI, what happened then? Did you have to ⁓ go through some kind of a procedure to sort out the clot and to remove the blockage and to fix the aneurysm? What was the situation?

      Jorden Ryan (12:59)

      Yeah, unfortunately they cannot fix aneurysm. They are just throwing as much medicine as they can, like all the tools that they have at the disposal at this time. But after they found out I had a clot, they’re just kind of like, let’s see what happens now. So that is when I went kind of again unconscious in probably about three weeks. I do not remember very much at all.

      Bill Gasiamis (13:26)

      Okay. Was that because they were, were in an induced coma to help you with it, with the healing?

      Jorden Ryan (13:32)

      I don’t think it was induced. think it was just my body went into a coma. mean, at the time I thought probably I was just very tired because I’d only slept an hour, but I mean, three weeks is a long nap. So a lot of my friends come in to visit me in the hospital, but I was like, I felt like just tired, but I didn’t feel bad. Like I was going to die or something. But so it was very strange because I felt very coherent. Like every day is just a different day.

      but my body like wouldn’t move like I could tell my left hand to move and it would not. So, but other than that, like, ⁓ I felt normal so to speak.

      Bill Gasiamis (14:13)

      I can see those three weeks. Did you have a sense that you had a stroke? Did that actually sort of say you’ve had a stroke? Did you understand that for the first time?

      Jorden Ryan (14:25)

      Yeah, I understood that I had a stroke, but I just didn’t understand what that meant. Like, for example, to sit up, which I would do in my whole life, I was not able to do that anymore. So during that three weeks, they would have a hoist system to move me to a couch. So I wouldn’t get bed sores, I think, you know, just precaution, but that was like a really scary, like I did not like that at all. was, which would normally be super easy. ⁓

      Yes, they said I had a stroke, but I had no idea how bad it was.

      Bill Gasiamis (14:58)

      Yeah. family and friends. You had people rally around to do people have to fly. Excuse me. Do people have to fly in or come from out of town or were they all nearby? How, how did you go and see that?

      Jorden Ryan (15:13)

      I think that my sister put something on Facebook, on my Facebook. And so I had people close by and I did have people fly from a couple of different areas because at that time I think I was in ICU. So, you know, that may be the last chance I had to talk to me. So they did come say goodbye, but the hospital for so long, I mean, people got me flowers and I would think that would be as long as possible, but then those flowers would die.

      and people would bring plants and when those died, I mean, wow, that’s really a long time to be in the hospital, you know? And the plants died because I couldn’t water them because I’m paralyzed, so, at that time.

      Bill Gasiamis (15:54)

      Yeah, how long were you in hospital in total?

      Jorden Ryan (15:58)

      The first stroke I was probably, I got out May 17th, but that’s out of the inside rehab that what do you call inpatient rehabs? think that I was in hospital for maybe three weeks, maybe a month. Like, you know, they downgraded me from ICU for a week and then sent me to the internal rehab.

      Bill Gasiamis (16:23)

      Yeah, so the stroke was March 22 and then you got out of hospital in May.

      Jorden Ryan (16:29)

      That’s great. In mid-May, yeah.

      Surviving a Second Stroke

      Bill Gasiamis (16:32)

      Yeah. And you said that that was the first stroke. So was there another stroke?

      Jorden Ryan (16:37)

      Yeah, it’s crazy. So I had my first stroke and then I really tried hard like no sugar, no pop, no alcohol. I did everything I thought is best I could and even in rehab they had me bake cookies and I didn’t eat them because they had sugar in them. And then I had another stroke when I woke up to go to rehab. So that was October 7th. So it was, it started out with just my hand wouldn’t move like it should like

      I was regaining everything back pretty well from the first stroke. And I thought I was Superman basically. I was healing pretty fast and I was like, I beat it. This is great. And then right back to being in a bad stroke and being a wheelchair and all of that.

      Bill Gasiamis (17:25)

      So the same issue in the cerebellum near the pons again caused another clot or was it just something else that happened?

      Jorden Ryan (17:34)

      No, you’re right. It was the same thing, basically affected the same areas of my brain. So they say that your brain with spasticity can do like a detour. So now I have a detour of a detour, basically. So my brain had just rewired and was working pretty decently and then that area got damaged as well.

      Bill Gasiamis (17:57)

      Okay. And were you on blood thinners or something to help thin the blood to kind of minimize the risk of another blood clot or?

      Jorden Ryan (18:06)

      Yes, I was on the Eloquist, so I thought that that would be enough, but it was not. So now I am also on aspirin, but it’s just a small pill every day. I think that, like I said, they don’t really have a whole lot they can do. So they’re just telling me to take this medicine out for the best and maybe it will happen again and maybe it won’t, but they can’t operate on it because the risks outweigh the reward. Like there is a

      Good chance of death.

      Bill Gasiamis (18:37)

      Yeah, understood. How long did you spend in hospital for the second incident?

      Jorden Ryan (18:42)

      I was out, ⁓ towards the end of November. think mid and like either the second or third week in November.

      Bill Gasiamis (18:52)

      And then when you left hospital that time, you left with the deficits, which had kind of eased up or you didn’t really have before the, after the first one, is that right?

      Jorden Ryan (19:04)

      Yes, that’s right. I will, will wheeled out in wheelchair and had no use of my leg or my arm and my face was not really healed from the first stroke, but a little bit and I still had that too. I could not talk. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t drink. Like, I mean, I could, guess, but not how, yeah. So like holding glass to my face would come all over down my face and stuff. so

      This area right here always felt wet. Like it felt like I was in a pool, even though I wasn’t. So I couldn’t tell if I had food all over me or what have you that I would have to rely on people to tell me. I could chewing a salad is, I mean, it was really, really hard. That was kind of the, as I advanced, that was something I could do. My first stroke, I could not, you know, a steady is it.

      I don’t know if you know what that is for using the restroom. It’s like a basically a dolly. put you on and I had a really hard time even trying to use that. I went through a lot of swallow tests. I could not swallow my own saliva. So that was very difficult for me. ⁓ They brushed my teeth and I felt like I was gonna die. I could not breathe. Like probably for that went on for like five minutes.

      Like, I mean, I could breathe, sorta, but it was very difficult.

      Bill Gasiamis (20:29)

      They brushing your teeth for you and it, and it, and triggered some kind of a reaction or.

      Jorden Ryan (20:34)

      Like the yeah, the saliva that you have in your mouth that is I mean was enough for me to drown in basically I guess Yeah

      Bill Gasiamis (20:45)

      So it wasn’t the actual tooth brushing. It was the saliva that was being generated that you couldn’t.

      Jorden Ryan (20:50)

      I so. didn’t know for sure what it was, right? Like, but I’m pretty sure was alive. It was something I couldn’t manage. That’s for sure. And it just tasted like toothpaste probably because I just had done brushing my teeth. But they did give me a peg tube so I could get food and nutrition and water in me. However, the way that they installed it the first time was ⁓ caused ulcers in my…

      I think in my colon, so I had to go back to the ICU.

      Bill Gasiamis (21:24)

      Yeah. Such a dramatic time, right? A lot of stuff going wrong. What’s going through your head at the time? Because you went, like we said, like it was a year earlier, everything was going fine. Everything was all okay. And now you’re dealing with all this stuff. How do you, you know, what are you saying to yourself? How do you feel about what’s happening to you?

      What Recovery Really Feels Like


      Jorden Ryan (21:47)
      I wish that I could give you like a really good answer, but to be honest it was more like, why is this happening to me? I can’t believe this is happening. I’m too young. Like I have to take decent care of myself. I cannot believe this. I mean, when I was in the hospital, I was watching like my 600 pound life and like, I’m just saying that I was, I thought, you know, at least that healthy, but at that time I was really devastated by what was going on.

      Bill Gasiamis (22:16)

      Yeah, you would be, it makes complete sense, right? How do you go from being quote unquote normal? Everything’s just going along as it always has. And now all these hurdles that come your way that are really challenging to overcome. you probably don’t have the skillset to deal with them in such a dramatic short amount of time.

      Jorden Ryan (22:17)

      Yeah.

      Yeah, I think that’s right. And I think probably if it would have just been on me, maybe I could have, but I was like, I’m going to be such a huge burden to my family in my way life is going to be so bad. Like, I was just like, how is this happening? You know, I don’t smoke and like, I don’t do heavy drugs or any of that stuff. So what is going on? And then they said, well, you must drink a lot of energy drinks. And I was like, no, I don’t drink any energy drinks. So they’re like, we don’t know what’s going on then. So just that was.

      So for me, I really didn’t know what was going on.

      Bill Gasiamis (23:15)

      Yeah. And in hindsight, it was just random. It’s just one of those things with the aneurysm and how can you possibly, how can you possibly deal with it when you don’t know that it’s happening to you? Similar to me, like I had a brain hemorrhage three times because of a blood vessel that I was born with. I wasn’t having the best lifestyle, but I also wasn’t causing it. I also didn’t.

      I wasn’t able to solve it. Everything was kind of handed over to other people. It’s not, it was nothing. It was not up to me. And I had to just kind of go through it.

      Jorden Ryan (23:51)

      Very similar. was, you know, couldn’t be in charge or control anything basically, like even really simple things. I mean, I had a diaper on, I couldn’t even go to the restroom by myself. So it was just very hard. It was a lot of stuff all at once, right? Like, it wasn’t just like I a cold or something. It was very difficult. And at first, when I was there, I couldn’t talk. So

      people would come and visit me but and to me what’s very strange is that my voice sounded exactly the same before the stroke which it didn’t in real life I was probably like I have no idea what I sounded like but people couldn’t understand me so I would say something to them and they’re like sorry I can’t understand you but in my head I said it perfectly it sounded like me I can hear ⁓ like my slur now but I could not at first

      Bill Gasiamis (24:47)

      Yeah. Yeah. It was there somebody that you met who helped support you and guide you through those really sort of tough bits early on, like was there kind of a mentor or somebody that came out of nowhere and just helped you navigate this?

      Jorden Ryan (25:06)

      ⁓ I don’t know really like who navigated like how it happened, you know, I had a chaplain that came in there maybe a doctor would help I Didn’t have my phone or anything at the time But when I was able to do that I saw your channels and stuff and so I listened to it and probably the totality of a lot of things there wasn’t like a one person or one thing that helped me really a lot so

      I remember being kind of upset at you because you said it was the best thing that ever happened to you and that was it was too new for me. I was like, what do you mean? That’s not possible. And a nurse came and said, well, you have the beautiful blue eyes and that my eyes are green. So I was like, well, maybe my hair will grow back and I’ll have blue eyes. Maybe it’ll be the best thing that ever happened. But yeah, I mean, I wasn’t really mad at you. I just said the time I could not accept those that verbiage.

      Bill Gasiamis (26:02)

      that is perfectly understandable. And it’s exactly why I chose the title, not to piss people off or make people upset while they’re recovering. In fact, I never expected that people would find it so early on in their journey. I just thought it was a story I was gonna tell and it was gonna go out there. But of course, the very first time I spoke about my book a few years ago on YouTube, the very first comment was a negative comment along the lines of,

      Similar to what you said. It was a bit more rude. It wasn’t so polite ⁓ And I and I was like, ⁓ no, no, no, you guys have got it wrong I don’t think I think you missed the boat. No, sorry. You missed the point the point being that It was really terrible when I was going through it for three years But when I came out the other side, there was a lot of personal growth. There was a lot of ⁓ Things that I had appreciated that I’d done that I’d learned that I’d overcome etc

      that became the reason why I was able to say it was the best thing that happened to me because I started a podcast, I wrote a book, I’ve spoken publicly about it, I have this platform, I’ve created a community, all these things, right? So the things that I didn’t know that I was lacking in life before the stroke, I thought my life was complete, waking up in the morning, going to work, coming home to the family, cooking dinner, paying the bills.

      paying the mortgage, the car lease. I thought it was all cool, all complete, but I was kind of unhappy. There was a lot that I was lacking in my life. And only because of the stroke journey, the end result of the podcast, the book and all that stuff, did I realize, ⁓ actually the…

      Aftermath, the things that I have grown and discovered were the best things that happened to me. And it was because of the stroke. It’s such a weird and dumb thing to say. Like I can’t even wrap my head around it, that I had to go through something so dramatic to accomplish some amazing things. I wish I would have just done it before the dramatic events. I wish there didn’t have to be one. And that being said though, I’m 13 years.

      post stroke, the first one, and I still live with the deficits. I still have problems sleeping on my left side because it’s numb and it’s burning and it tingles and all that kind of stuff. When I get tired, I still have balance issues when, ⁓ you know, sometimes my memory is a bit flaky because of it, but you know, a little bit, I still have deficits in my muscles and spasticity and all that kind of stuff and it hurts. I’ve accepted that part of it.

      how it feels in my body, but I’ve also ⁓ gone after the growth. Like I’ve really, ⁓ seriously, dramatically gone after the post-traumatic growth that comes from a serious episode. And what I hope-

      Jorden Ryan (29:10)

      explaining that in other episodes. was just my friend that I had heard and I was still like too bitter to hear that. Right. And now I kind of make sense. Like there are a of things that I didn’t appreciate as much as I should have. All the cliches, know, kind of true. Like I wake up and like that is a good day then because most of my stroke, both of my strokes came from when I was sleeping when I woke up. So kind of like

      Bill Gasiamis (29:21)

      Yeah.

      Jorden Ryan (29:38)

      Even being in the hospital, I saw more sunsets than I did in my regular life or post stroke, whatever you want to call it. I definitely get it and I can appreciate what you’re saying now, but after that time, was just more difficult.

      Bill Gasiamis (29:45)

      Yeah.

      I definitely come across people regularly, even though ⁓ I’ve been speaking about it for a little while, who come across the first podcast episode that I’ve done, that they’ve found in the 370 odd. And then they hear me say that again. And then there’s also, there’s sometimes a repeat of that incident where I know exactly where they’re at. Like I know exactly what’s happening. I know they don’t know that. And then what I hope that happens is say in three or four years,

      they can, when they go, there was that crazy guy who said stroke was the best thing that I wonder what that was about. I’m going to go get that book now and I’m going to read it. And I’m going to see if I can, you know, shift my mindset from perhaps something that’s been bugging me to something that we can grow from. And the book has got 10 steps to recovery and personal transformation. It not 10 steps to getting your perfect walk again, or making your hand work perfect again, or

      you know, getting rid of your deficits. It’s not that kind of book. It’s an inspiring book. We’re trying to give people some tools that they can use that doesn’t cost them any extra that will improve the quality of their health and their life. And it doesn’t matter how injured you are because of a stroke. That’s what the book helps people to do. I love challenging people. I’m not, of course, you know, I’m not intending to make people think that I promote.

      stroke is something that they must experience as ⁓ you know.

      Jorden Ryan (31:23)

      the ⁓

      Bill Gasiamis (31:26)

      Yeah. ⁓

      It’s not on audible. I am going to remedy that at some stage. I’m going to remedy that and I’m going to get people the ability to listen to it because ⁓

      Jorden Ryan (31:46)

      Well, I will be your first customer, hopefully.

      Bill Gasiamis (31:49)

      Yeah, a he-man.

      Jorden Ryan (31:51)

      cannot read because my eyes are cro- like not crossed but I have double vision so they are off I cannot read so but yeah

      Bill Gasiamis (32:01)

      ⁓

      After your three weeks in ICU the first time, I think you began inpatient rehab. What were those days like going through that first few motions of trying to get yourself up and about?

      The Emotional Toll No One Talks About

      Jorden Ryan (32:16)

      Yeah, it was very emotional, right? because you want right away, I thought just to get back to where I was. And I mean, I read some other things and I had friends of friends send me stuff and that chapter of my life is over. I mean, it was a good one, but it’s time to rewrite another one, right? Like I have to move forward. So the whole journey was really difficult. Probably took me longer than most people, but, ⁓

      I was very lucky in the fact that I had a friend that had told me like, hey, you have done hard things before you were, you know, in Muay Thai, you were a attorney, you can do it again. And then in my mind, I was like, you’re not a brain doctor. What are you talking about? Leave me alone. So even though the expression was being really nice internally, that’s what I was thinking. Then I saw something like, um, it was, you know, I think it was a PT, a physical therapist who said,

      think that you’re gonna heal yourself in three hours a week or a day or whatever, that’s not it. Then I had another friend who told me that his sister had a stroke and she wished she would have done more during recovery. So I eventually got to the point thinking like, well, all these doctors are saying it depends, which is a fair answer, right? And I tell clients that and they hate it. But I thought that’s better than absolute no.

      They’re not saying and so they’ve made it to me like, well, maybe I won’t get better, but it’s not going to be from me not trying. I think another one of the people on your episodes ⁓ saying like they were always very positive and I was like, that’s not me. That’s I’m not 100 % going to be better. That just wasn’t my attitude during it. I mean, it’s good. wish I would have been, but unfortunately I wasn’t. But it kind of.

      Over time it’s gotten better, but at first it was very difficult for me.

      Bill Gasiamis (34:17)

      Yeah, that’s completely understandable. ⁓ You had, did you have some small wins in rehab that kind of made you shift a little bit slowly and kind of realize you’re making ground or things are, you’re overcoming things.

      Jorden Ryan (34:35)

      Yes, I did. I was very lucky in the fact that, I mean, I would just notice my therapist face like when my affected arm started to work or I did something, they didn’t say like, that’s unbelievable. But it was kind of like I was making progress faster than a lot of people. And I’m not saying I’m better. I was very lucky and I would never come to other people, but they were like, wow, that’s really amazing that you’re able to do that. So it was, it felt good.

      Being able, like, even just to move my finger, like, in my defective hand for the first time was huge, and then I was able to use my thumb to… I feel human again. I mean, to be honest with you, when I couldn’t talk and I couldn’t move and everything, it just felt weird, like it wasn’t me.

      Bill Gasiamis (35:22)

      Yeah, absolutely. So were there some setbacks during that time as well?

      Jorden Ryan (35:27)

      There

      were some setbacks. I, again, I watched one of your episodes and a gentleman told me, like I said, he had the fatigue set in later on in his journey. And so one of the things I was like, well, I’m so lucky that I don’t have that because I go to the gym pretty often. And that would be devastating to have fatigue. And then I also had fatigue. I mean, to the point where I didn’t want to move around at all. didn’t want to

      get out of bed hardly so there’s setbacks in the fact that like my my sister and brother-in-law luckily took me in I mean they were like ⁓ angels so to speak but they live in a big one bedroom app like one one floor house I meant to like a ranch style and just going to the bathroom was a setback because it would take forever to walk down the hall or whatever I mean it was my gate it was a walking style was

      Pretty hilarious there, you saw me.

      Bill Gasiamis (36:27)

      And then fatigue doing that walk also then ties you out.

      Jorden Ryan (36:34)

      Yeah, just walking to the bathroom did tire me out. So, like, to brush my teeth, I’m already scared of, like, not feeling well. Plus, walking all the way there and brushing my teeth and walking all the way back, it would be… I would really have to get my strength together to do that.

      Bill Gasiamis (36:53)

      A journey, a proper journey.

      Jorden Ryan (36:55)

      I had to do it because I didn’t want to wet myself or soil myself, but it was very difficult. mean, looking back, it’s like, wow, that stuff was so easy now. But at that time, it was not easy. was very difficult.

      Bill Gasiamis (37:11)

      Yeah. I remember being in a similar situation and I don’t have that far to go to the toilet from my couch where the lounge room is and the TV is. But I remember going to the toilet and getting back to the couch and then being completely wiped out. that’s it. I was done for hours, done for hours, just sitting there resting and then hoping to get enough energy to get back up off the couch and be okay. Um, that was very early on. That was probably

      a few, maybe about four five months after the second bleed, it was still very dramatic. And I couldn’t really appreciate how ⁓ I took for granted that trip before that. Like it was just, it never crosses your mind.

      Jorden Ryan (37:55)

      You wouldn’t even think about it, right? Like getting out of a car to walk to the house was very difficult for me. Or when I came back, I would just fall on my bed because I was worn out. But before that, before my stroke, I would not ever think about that kind of stuff. Yeah. In a wheelchair at first, but I walked around the house with a walker and like two laps inside the house would wear me out. That’s maybe one.

      Bill Gasiamis (38:11)

      Yeah, hell no.

      Jorden Ryan (38:24)

      Like, one hundredth of a mile is not much, or not even close to a kilometer, and that would wipe me out completely.

      Bill Gasiamis (38:32)

      Yeah. You find yourself thinking about the steps that you’re taking. Are you putting a lot of brain energy into the actual task? How your leg is moving? What was the process like for you?

      Jorden Ryan (38:44)

      Yes, my- so all the things that your body does without you thinking about were affected in me. Like blinking, I have to think about it. To move my arms at the same time, I have to think about it. So to walk was- I had to really be like, okay, which foot goes first? Left foot.

      Okay, now what foot goes next, right? It sounds ridiculous, but that’s really what I was like. My mind was, I had to think every time like learning to walk. I was like, what hand goes in front? with what foot? Like it was, I mean, very, very basic, like to the beginning, right? Like before elementary school, like it was, so everything I did was taxing mentally because I just had to think about stuff that you don’t normally think about, right? Like

      Okay, I should breathe. It wasn’t quite as bad as that, but that’s pretty close.

      Bill Gasiamis (39:37)

      Wow, So in the notes that we shared between us, you mentioned something about the first time you were taken out of hospital ⁓ to go and eat, I think. Tell me a little bit about that story. What happened then?

      Jorden Ryan (39:53)

      Sure, so I noticed, to start a little bit further back, I lost my hearing. It wasn’t when I first had my stroke, but when I was in rehab, they were actually changing my diaper. And so I would lay on each side and I noticed when I laid on the side, I could not hear them. They were telling me to roll over or something. And so I had lost my hearing completely. Then, um…

      When I got out of the hospital, my friends and family and whatever got together and took me out to eat and the noises were so loud that my senses were too heightened. It was confusing to me. I had a lifetime of going out to eat with friends and going to drinking or whatever. This was just a lunch and I couldn’t really handle it. It was almost too much for me. The car ride from

      maybe a three hour car ride, had to close my eyes because I would feel sick if they were open. it was, I realized just how different my life is gonna be, right?

      Bill Gasiamis (40:59)

      Yeah, did that make you want to avoid those types of events?

      Jorden Ryan (41:02)

      Yes,

      I have to push myself to do that kind of stuff because I don’t know, I think it’s easy to become depressed, right? Like, it’s easy to just be like, I will just sit here on the couch, watch TV. I don’t really watch TV, but… And even that is hard with my eyes doubled, but I mean, like, I push myself to hang out with friends or go to eat or something. But it’s very difficult. I would rather just stay home. If you just ask me, like…

      I mean, I’m always excited to go out with people, that’s not what I mean, but it just is easier to stay home.

      Bill Gasiamis (41:37)

      Yeah, I understand that easier to stay home. It’s a trap as well, isn’t it? It’s a, if I stay home, I don’t have to deal with all those difficulties, all those challenges. I don’t have to overcome anything. I can just have the easy way out. But then that you pay a price for that as well. That’s not, it doesn’t work like that. You have to pay the price of, well, then you don’t go out and then you’re alone again. And then you’re in your thoughts again. Then you don’t interact with people again. And

      It’s not the easy way out. seems that way, it’s potentially leading you down a path that you don’t want to go down.

      Jorden Ryan (42:11)

      You’re exactly right. I tell people that because I’m so lazy, I try so hard now because I don’t want to have that life like that forever, you know? So I try very hard now so I can be lazy if that makes sense.

      Bill Gasiamis (42:26)

      That makes complete sense. love it because it’s kind of like you’re lazy.

      Jorden Ryan (42:31)

      Right, exactly right. You know, because going to the bathroom, if that’s hard forever, that’s gonna be terrible. I gotta get up and walk and have to go out with people. then life is not as hard, hopefully, because you’re doing the things, right? So.

      Bill Gasiamis (42:47)

      Yeah, yeah, and you’re getting all the genuine awesome things that come from interacting with people, going out, being ⁓ in public. ⁓ I know what you’re saying about the kind of the earning our lazy kind of thing, right? Because I would say to myself, ⁓ Saturday, I’m gonna go hard. Now, hard for me might’ve been just to literally go to an event and stay an hour longer than I normally would have stayed, whether it was a family event, a party or whatever.

      And then I’m gonna be really exhausted tomorrow. I know that tomorrow I’m gonna be really, and I’ve got nothing booked in. I’m gonna do absolutely nothing for the entire day so that I can go out and go hard tonight, whatever tonight looked like, whatever that was gonna be like. And that was where I earned my recovery, my lazy. I’m sitting on the couch and I’m watching TV or I’m reading a book or I’m not doing anything.

      That’s exactly how I kind of used to talk to myself about doing nothing on the following day.

      Jorden Ryan (43:54)

      That is a good way to put it, earn your laziness. Like that is exactly what I did. I did something hard or out of my comfort zone and then when I was lazy I felt better about it. If I just wanted to stay home and watch TV, I mean I would have won the lottery basically, you know, like that would be my life. But because that is not what I want to do, doing hard things and then being lazy is a good way to look at it. It would make me feel better about myself.

      people and everything just kinda makes it harder to be depressed.

      Bill Gasiamis (44:32)

      Yeah, agreed, 100%. I would encourage people to get out as much as they can. ⁓ Now, I’m very interested in your thoughts about this. Your first swim, I wanna know what that was like, cause I had a first swim as well. I remember my first swim after waking up from surgery, not being able to use my left side and needing to rehabilitate it. ⁓ What was it like for you to experience that?

      The First Swim After Stroke

      Jorden Ryan (44:57)

      Yeah, so I’ve been swimming before I can remember when I was a kid. So like being by a pool was very scary for me because I thought if I fell in, I could not like get out. And I got in the pool with a life jacket to try to walk and doing I don’t know what this stroke is called where move both arms like that. But only one would work at a time. But I’ve been doing it forever. So it was so strange to be in the pool and not both my arms work together.

      It was almost like I didn’t expect that that late in my recovery It was not that long but still it was strange to me probably maybe a month after I got out of the hospital so luckily my mom took me to the pool quite a bit and Pushed a wheelchair even though it’s really heavy and she is older so

      Bill Gasiamis (45:50)

      Yeah, I went to the pool for the first time during rehab. They asked me if I had anything particular I wanted to work with or a particular exercise I wanted to do. And for me going into the pool, I felt safe that I couldn’t fall over. So we kind of did aqua aerobics and my left side wasn’t working well, but in the pool you couldn’t tell that it wasn’t working well. then put on a, it just felt normal. It felt normal. It kind of. ⁓

      appeared like it was working normally, but it felt strange because the water pressure on my affected side, that was different. Feeling the water pressure on my affected side for the first time was really strange. What was cool about it is they gave me a life vest, so there was no chance of falling over, drowning, dying, or anything like that in the water. And it was really a real relief because my body felt really free for the first time. And then as I got better and we started to get out and about,

      One particular summer we went to a ⁓ waterfall here near where I live. And in the pond at the bottom of the waterfall went for a swing. But the difference is ⁓ fresh water ⁓ is different from salt water. And I had never swum in ⁓ fresh water.

      Jorden Ryan (47:11)

      Yeah, there’s a big difference here, right?

      Bill Gasiamis (47:14)

      Wow, you’re heavier, you sink quicker. And I went for this very short distance swim and I was completely out of breath and fatigued like really rapidly and needed somebody that was with us to help me get out because I hadn’t realized how much more taxing it would be to do the swimming motions or do all those things and stay afloat. ⁓ And it was really scary because it was the first time I learned that.

      Jorden Ryan (47:17)

      Yeah.

      Bill Gasiamis (47:42)

      I am not as capable as I used to be ⁓ in the water.

      Jorden Ryan (47:47)

      Yeah, I think that brings up a good point for me is that people that try to help me tell me like, be careful. There’s a table there or something like very obvious, right? But they don’t know what I’ve been through and what I can see what I can’t. have to be ⁓ appreciative of them saying that stuff instead of annoyed. Like I usually am so yeah.

      I did a triathlon in the ocean and it was so much easier. I was pretty happy. I was the other way around. I’m used to swimming in fresh water and then in salmon and salt water and that was all post stroke. But I can know what you mean. There’s a huge difference.

      Bill Gasiamis (48:27)

      What’s your

      Yeah, you’ve done a triathlon post stroke.

      Jorden Ryan (48:33)

      No, I’m so sorry. I meant before stroke. ⁓ Yeah, I did one back when I was healthier, but it is hard for me to even raise my arm. I can kind of do it now, but so I just did water aerobics actually today. And I mean, I am the youngest person there probably by seems like 30 years, but in the worst one there, like you can definitely tell I have a stroke. Yeah.

      Bill Gasiamis (48:59)

      Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

      What’s cool about, what’s cool is that now there’s competitions where people can go and compete ⁓ after they’ve been, like the Paralympics is a classic example, right? And all the events leading up to the Paralympics where people can go and compete, get physical, even though they have deficits. That wasn’t something that was possible decades and decades ago. It’s a fairly new thing. I love that even though people are injured and

      they’ve had difficult times, perhaps their limbs aren’t working correctly. Some people still decide, I know I’m gonna be a competitor still, I’m gonna be with one arm, with one leg, with whatever my, whatever I have left, I’m gonna do the most I can and compete as much as I can to be the best in my particular sport. I love that about the things that people can access today about participation in sport, even though they’re

      injured.

      Jorden Ryan (50:02)

      Yeah, for me, it is much different. Like I used to be a very competitive person and now it’s me against me, right? The me against the stroke or whatever. Like I don’t care that somebody can run really fast. Like, I mean, that’s good for them, but for me getting outside and even getting to the event was difficult. Now to, you know, sit in a tricycle or whatever it happens to be is just, it’s more like a golf or something like that where it’s just you against you, you know, so.

      It is good that they have that kind of stuff, I think. Like, I’m looking at bikes for mountain biking with three wheels and stuff, so.

      Bill Gasiamis (50:39)

      Yeah, I love what you just said you against you. It’s like you against your mindset.

      Jorden Ryan (50:45)

      I think it’s just… I don’t want to say me against the world but everything is so… ⁓ difficult I guess? Like everything is a win so if I get in a car to go to the event if I get a bike that I can ride even a tricycle like that’s win if I can finish the event well that’s a win before it was like what place that I get now that’s not important to me I mean sure I guess is this not

      as important as it was before.

      Bill Gasiamis (51:15)

      Yeah, your priorities have shifted.

      Jorden Ryan (51:18)

      Yeah, very much so. Like, I think that I have a lot more empathy for people that are disabled. It just clearly opened my eyes. And even though I work in the law, I am used to disability act or whatever. And I was like, these people, now I totally get it. You know, so I understand like why they should have these laws in place. So here in the States, I mean,

      Bill Gasiamis (51:44)

      Yeah.

      Yeah, same with us in Australia. mean, there’s lots of laws to try and protect people who have a disability of some kind, injury, whatever you want to call it, so that there’s less discrimination, so that there’s more services, so there’s more access. ⁓ It’s one of the best conversations that people have because they kind of say, well, we know that this particular service that is going to be provided

      is going to be provided for all the population and 93 % of the population, for example, it’s not a real number, will be able to access it beautifully. What about the other 7 % who are not gonna be able to access it? We need to think about them. We need to think about how they’re going to go about ⁓ traveling on this service or accessing this service or getting in and out of this particular office or building and all that stuff.

      is taken into consideration in the design and planning phase now. So you can move around Melbourne, my hometown, in a electric wheelchair or a regular push wheelchair. And you will not have to worry about getting on a train, getting on the public transport, a bus, the tram, ⁓ going down a curb, all the curbs are ⁓ angled down. So this beautiful, nice smooth path towards the road and then up again.

      Jorden Ryan (53:13)

      Yeah, that sounds very nice. I think I was just ignorant to people’s needs, I guess. And now I learned firsthand how important they are, right? So I was just like, man, that’s a lot of money to do that. But it makes sense if someone says, well, we have 99 bathrooms, but you can’t use any of them. It doesn’t do me much good, right? So to have this kind of, yeah, right.

      Bill Gasiamis (53:22)

      Yeah.

      Yeah, what’s the point?

      Finding Light in the Darkest Moments

      ⁓ Now, the thing about stroke is that unfortunately life doesn’t get put on hold for us to recover from it and then let us get back into life as if we were okay. And I remember going through the third bleed and then a couple of weeks later, literally two weeks later, I think, maybe about a week later, my mother-in-law passed away. And then we had to have her funeral before my brain surgery.

      and my wife had to deal with all of that, right? You also, you lost one of your friends soon after you got out of, I think it was at rehab.

      Jorden Ryan (54:19)

      It was the day I got out of, ⁓ like inside the hospital rehab, inpatient rehab, like he was a good friend and he also had, I think a something to do with he had a tumor on his spine or something that was removed, but it left him slightly paralyzed. Like he was, he had both arms and I remember being in the hospital being jealous of him because

      Such a little thing like, wow, this guy can go to the bathroom by himself. I wish I could do that, right? But unfortunately, yeah, he died by suicide the day that I got out. It was devastating and very hard. I mean, that was somebody I planned on spending a lot of time with because he lived in the same city that my sister took me in that I was going to hang out with. I mean, not just about me. It was just sad that that happened, obviously.

      Bill Gasiamis (55:14)

      Yeah, of course, man, that’s pretty sad. And also, then your dog passed away.

      Jorden Ryan (55:22)

      Yeah, so this guy, he had told me my last message with him, well almost last was, we didn’t ask for this, but we’re gonna get through it together. And then, you know, he took his life, so that made me seem like, what should I do now? Then my dog died, which was a big deal to me because, okay, now I have all this time to pet him or play or whatever, and you know, it was pretty dramatic.

      dick dab that, but I felt like I was in a country song.

      Bill Gasiamis (55:55)

      How did you get past it?

      Jorden Ryan (55:56)

      I don’t know, think that you you kind of learn to just roll with the punches as I say because there’s so much in life that I can’t control that I mean, just, stuff happens right? You just have to do your best and I try to tell people like, it’s very easy to be in darkness or the negativity but it is my job to open up the light, open the window or whatever, not literally the window but to see all the good things that are happening.

      around me. So I mean, there are so many amazing things. So I have to open that up and not stay in the darkness too long. I can’t stop from happening personally, like this part of my life, but I can get out of it. Like luckily I have those tools, so to speak. Like I can be like, okay, this is happening. This is amazing. Or my family is healthy or whatever it happens to be or

      just people being really nice, seeing that, right? But I did have, my hand was like clawed and I would open the door and some people were nice and be like, let me get that door for you. Well, I cannot open my hand to let go of the door. It would almost knock me over several times. So kind of funny.

      Bill Gasiamis (57:13)

      always funny opportunities like to things to laugh at in that moment. I remember being wheeled in my wheelchair when I first got out of hospital, out of the hospital ward and we were just going around the hospital grounds just to get some sun. My wife was pushing me and I couldn’t feel my left leg and it fell off the, you know, where the feet sit in the wheelchair, the footrest. It just fell off the footrest and it was getting dragged.

      beneath the footrest and kind of the wheel of the wheelchair and it was kind of getting dragged and I couldn’t feel it had no idea but my wife was struggling to push the wheelchair

      Jorden Ryan (57:54)

      She’s like, is wrong with this? It’s so hard.

      Bill Gasiamis (57:57)

      She

      was going, well, this so hard to push. And then we had to have a look around and realize the reason it was hard to push, because my foot is under the wheelchair and I have no idea that it’s there and it’s getting stuck. ⁓ We laughed about it because what else are you gonna do at that moment? It was pretty ridiculous and funny at the same time.

      Jorden Ryan (58:16)

      That is exactly right. I would say that if I had to give credit to one thing, it would probably be my odd sense of humor now, right? Like there’s so many things to laugh at that it’s hard to say, Matt. That situation you had, it could have been really devastating to you or whatever, or you can be like, that is pretty funny, right? So I had something similar happen to me. My foot came off the wheelchair, but it just stopped. I didn’t feel it.

      my leg, but I mean, it felt like I ran over a rock or something like, so similar, not the same, but similar to me. Like, didn’t know if my leg would ever come back, you know? So people are all different levels of their journey. Like I was not upset, but I was surprised to see people in patient rehab. They could walk so well. like, Hey, we are really struggling over here. We’re in a wheelchair. That’s not the right attitude to have, but that’s how it was, you know,

      Bill Gasiamis (59:12)

      Yeah, absolutely.

      Jorden Ryan (59:14)

      are fine, get out of here, let us sick people alone, leave us here, so. I mean, I am lucky in the fact that I’m getting a lot more back than I thought that I would, so everything from now on is icing on the cake, so to speak.

      Living with PTSD and Double Vision After Stroke


      Bill Gasiamis (59:28)
      Bonus for sure. I think you talked about PTSD around brushing your teeth, right? How does that show up in your daily life? Do you have moments when that kind of rears its ugly head?

      Jorden Ryan (59:42)

      Well, I just moved into a new house and the bathroom is right next to it and it’s not so bad now. But when I had to walk and it was more difficult and I had PTSD and self-diagnosed. So I don’t even know if it’s a real thing. It was very scary, right? Like it would almost like give me nightmares. It was so scary.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:00:05)

      This triggering more than anything, was it?

      Jorden Ryan (1:00:08)

      Yeah, that’s right. Triggering, guess, is a better way to say it. Yes. So I would be worried and I would be like not wanting to go brush my teeth, even though I know that’s part of hygiene and very important to do. Right. So now I don’t I think I’ve brushed my teeth enough without having a problem that it’s okay now. But at first, like it was extremely difficult. I had the swab things that look like big Q-tips in my mouth.

      they would say, use this to pull out the saliva and the, you know, whatever it was. So that’s how I would, I had to brush my teeth like that, then wipe it out. And it was much different feeling. mean, there are so many odd things that happened I can’t remember. And I wanted to tell people on your broadcast because, you know, it is difficult to lay there and be hurting and like so bad with your deficits and seeing a lot of people that are healed because you don’t know if you’ll ever get there.

      So I wanted to say that just because like you are bad and your deficits are bad, there is help. There’s a chance. I don’t know for sure everybody, but there is, I think hope is, I learned about it in the hospital and I think that it’s very important to know that there’s possibility of getting better.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:01:29)

      I love it. You worked in law. What kind of role did you play?

      Jorden Ryan (1:01:34)

      Basically it looked at contracts to make sure that that was it. I had a… My work is actually surprisingly amazing. Like I worked for the company for about a year and a half. My company sent me get well cards like every week for like six months. Like I couldn’t believe how amazing they were. Because when I was stuck in my bed during like 4th of July, which is huge here in America.

      At least I had the cards to look through, know, so that was very nice. But my actual job role was I worked with a small team here and we did contract work to make sure that there wasn’t anything that was, you know, bad for us.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:02:18)

      Everybody ⁓ who works uses their voice. We communicate with it. We ⁓ express ourselves. ⁓ We argue with it. We do all sorts of things with it. Voice, right? So so important, right? To have your voice. What was it like when you realized that your speech was different and that, did that kind of shift your identity or make it feel like it was different or changing? How do you deal with it?

      Jorden Ryan (1:02:48)

      Yeah, actually I that was one of the most pressing things like my leg not working my arm not working my eye not working was like Okay, but did not be able to talk like the people that flew in and I can’t even say hi or thank you for coming or anything It really made me not feel like a human to be honest with you. I just It was a terrible feeling and so it was that was one of the main reasons that I didn’t want

      to go on basically because I couldn’t communicate at all. Some people have it where they can’t think words or where they can’t do the, I mean, I couldn’t say anything. it was very difficult, it was very hard to not be able to talk to people because I do communicate every second of my life as far as I know. So to not be able to communicate at all, it was very difficult. I had to point at things and try to write stuff out even though I couldn’t write. So it was…

      pretty hard.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:03:48)

      Yeah, pretty hard. Indeed, were you guys using boards or any particular devices to help with the communication in early days?

      Jorden Ryan (1:03:57)

      In the early days I had a board but because my right hand was also affected with my salivator I think this had like 25 to 50 percent I couldn’t write with either hand so it was chicken scratch that you could barely read or anybody could barely read so as much energy as it was like it didn’t really make sense to do. They had something on my face the vital stem is what it’s called to help be able to swallow.

      And luckily, think that helped my, you know, it’s hard to say what heals you because there’s so many things that play a part in it. But I was able to, somebody could understand some words that I said at least. So that was a very positive start.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:04:45)

      Yeah. Let’s talk about your rehab and your process. Tell us a little bit about what worked for you and why.

      Jorden Ryan (1:04:56)

      Yes, let’s see, I lived in an area that was very cold and my doctor at the time said we’re not gonna do telehealth and that was very difficult to go out in the cold and my body would freeze up and what have you. So that was not good, I had to switch that. My first thing that really helped was I had a slack line. It is basically a dog run for lack of better way to say it. And I had a harness and that I put on the slack line was about waist high.

      and I just walked and I did that because there was a rail at the YMCA that I walked by and I was like, wouldn’t that be nice if I had an outside rail that I could just use to walk and so I had slack line and then underneath it, I wore it out like a dog or a cow walking all the time and like because I could not use my my left leg was not very strong at all but it was getting stronger. You know, I tried to jump

      like up and I could not even inch vertical it was zero and I couldn’t bend my legs up so I think that was the start of something that really helped me because I could go do it like any time of day or night I mean I didn’t do it 2 a.m. but I did it it was easier to do instead of having to rely on someone to give me a ride somewhere ⁓

      Bill Gasiamis (1:06:17)

      Yes slackline.

      Jorden Ryan (1:06:19)

      What?

      Bill Gasiamis (1:06:20)

      Get

      a slackline.

      Jorden Ryan (1:06:22)

      I got it off of Amazon. Yeah, just put it up there. But I didn’t use it like a slackline. didn’t watch.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:06:25)

      Okay.

      Yeah, I understand. ⁓ I just didn’t know it was a thing that you could even get one. I mean, I’ve never had one. I’ve never thought about one, but like it makes complete sense now, but I didn’t realize. I should have realized that you can get everything off Amazon, but that’s all right. I was just trying to wrap my head.

      Jorden Ryan (1:06:49)

      There are tons of things I didn’t think of right so I mean everybody Usually thinks of something that works for them But the slackline with it being strong enough to hold your weight walking on it was strong enough to hold me up and so it was really fantastic and I could tell if I was gonna get tired and I had a place to sit out there and so it was really good I mean when I first started that was that was all the rehab I needed kind of to me. I had also a

      A thing that is battery operated that sends like so your hand will go like this I can’t remember what it’s called it’s like vital stem but just on Amazon too and I would work that every day tried to get my hand to open and tried to because they try to get you to turn a key imagine a key like you’re starting your car but with your other your affected hand and this would help that like it would wake up those muscles so kind of

      Bill Gasiamis (1:07:49)

      Yeah.

      Jorden Ryan (1:07:50)

      So that was very helpful too and I got some I guess I would say they’re kind of like child’s books. There were stroke books on Amazon as well or I would draw. And it was so scary because I was always told use it or lose it. And I was like, well, what about sex? Like, mean, I didn’t say that probably because I was too embarrassed, but to keep hearing use it or lose it forever, like

      and not have a girlfriend or a wife, I was like, well, am I never gonna have sex again? And that was very scary to me.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:08:23)

      Yeah. Do that remedy itself. Is that something that’s happened since then?

      Jorden Ryan (1:08:27)

      It

      is, it has not happened yet, but I don’t have the same concerns that I had. Like I think to say it politely, I think that I’m able to perform in the bedroom. don’t know though. So maybe I’m going to say that I can’t just to feel better about myself, but definitely my libido or whatever has gone down, you know? So, ⁓ it is what it is, as they say, like maybe it will pair, maybe it will not. don’t know.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:08:57)

      Yeah, I know these things change. Sometimes libido gets definitely, not sometimes, often. For both men and women, libido gets impacted negatively after a stroke. And it can recover as well. But there’s also, for men, there’s also things you can get to help you. ⁓ It might be that you need to have your testosterone looked at. It might be that you need to have a Viagra if necessary. There’s ways that you can get around it.

      Jorden Ryan (1:09:21)

      The testosterone is hard for me. say with my ⁓ aneurysm that I should not take testosterone even though it is now. But you’re right, all the other things, the Viagra, what have you, yes, you can do that. It was somewhat scary to me because a neurologist, brain doctor, had told me that stroke should not affect your sexual ability at all.

      I was like, well, maybe I’ve been in the hospital so long, that’s the problem. And so I just didn’t, I mean, as you know, you just don’t know. So hopefully, yeah, I will be able to talk to the doctor about that. I think after being in the hospital the first time, my modesty is kind of out the window. Like I had to do so many things in front of nurses that asking difficult questions is not as difficult as it once was.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:09:57)

      Yep. Yep.

      Yeah, I imagine having had your diaper changed by a nurse at the age of 40 something is probably one of those moments that kind of says, well, I’ve done that. If I’ve done that, everything else is a piece of piss, so to speak, after that, as we say.

      Jorden Ryan (1:10:27)

      Yeah, you’re right.

      Right, that’s exactly correct.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:10:39)

      I hear you. ⁓ So after being discharged, right? What was it like to navigate your life again on a daily basis? How did that feel? What was it like to go through regular, well, quote unquote, regular life again?

      Jorden Ryan (1:10:56)

      ⁓ it was very difficult for me. I was lucky that I don’t have a wife or maybe unlucky and children. So, you know, sometimes I would just stay in bed or I would just listen to a book on seat or I guess MP3 out of a bubble or something like that. And, ⁓ everything, it was extremely difficult for me. Like I said, I would try to get my, the first one, I to take my walker. It’s so scared because when you’re in the hospital,

      Everything is with somebody like you can’t get up out of your chair. You can’t go do anything So all of a sudden you’re just you’re free like go ahead And like the same day or the day before this was a big no-no now. I can just do it and like yep so I mean, I’m still scared to cut things with the knife like vegetables stuff because I’m on blood thinner and I don’t want to have an accident I mean you don’t know what you don’t know so I

      cognitively, I think that I’m there, but I also think that could walk, right? And that’s not true. So I don’t know what could happen and what could not happen. So rehab is just, I try to do, be dangerous, the safest I can. Like I walk, but I try to make sure that I can grab onto something or if I’m gonna like try to walk, I can fall or I’ll be by my bed or something like that. And so it is difficult to try to be by myself even now. It’s been a

      over a year.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:12:24)

      It sounds like it’s good therapy even though it’s difficult.

      Jorden Ryan (1:12:28)

      Yeah, it is. think that was one of the very positive things about living by myself was that I don’t have an excuse to not do anything, you know, because people are really nice and they’ll take care of you and maybe overly sometimes not because, I mean, they just don’t know. And I’m not going to say no necessarily, even though I should. I don’t have the choice. You know, I have to do it. let’s see that learn how to do it because I, my right hand is still pretty good.

      when they say they tie their hand up or whatever. I didn’t do that, but I imagine having kids would be difficult for me because I couldn’t barely do things with my left hand. Like, forget it. I would just do it with my right hand. anyway, I say that because yes, I am learning a lot more now, even though ⁓ it has been over a year. It is scary to read stuff, facts, I think that are outdated that say, you know, your height and specificity is a year. Then after that,

      Probably not as much. Things aren’t gonna happen as fast. I have not found that to be true, but who knows?

      Bill Gasiamis (1:13:36)

      Some of those old sayings are, I think, outdated as well. And one of the most outdated, most ridiculous things that you hear is when doctors say, you’re probably not going to get any better than that. That still happens, even though that should have stopped in 1933. It’s ridiculous that people still say that, but they do. I don’t know why, but they somehow get embedded in language, some of these things.

      Jorden Ryan (1:14:03)

      I was told that just I think this month actually because they have a device that they can put in your neck and it messes with your vagus nerve I think. And yeah and the doctor said well you’re not gonna get any better than you are anyway so don’t worry about it. And that was like okay like like he was like that’s the best like I said did I work on it still he’s like nah that’s the best as it will get. thought I mean

      Bill Gasiamis (1:14:13)

      Yeah, we’ve a ste-

      Being Told “You’ll Never…” by Doctors

      Jorden Ryan (1:14:33)

      it, I can take that verbiage, luckily, and use it for proving him wrong. Right? Like, I think it would be easy to be down again. And instead, I’m just like, well, I’m going to show you that you don’t know what you’re talking about. Even though this person has way more education than me. And, you know, kind of on a pillar or a platter, like higher up or whatever you want to say, just like, well, here what you had to say to me. But you know, I think that

      If I did have cognitive issues, I would really have a hard time going through the medical system and especially what doctors say. It is, I mean, it is scary. I’ve had more doctors than I can imagine, different cities and different areas and they say different things. So again, I took that to my advantage of I got to choose my own destiny instead of a doctor saying, that’s the best you will get ever. It’s like, yeah.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:15:29)

      Yeah, I love it, man. That’s the best way to go about it. I’ve spoken about it so many times on these podcasts, people saying, hearing dumb stuff from doctors. And then it’s like, I don’t know. I don’t know why it still happens. It shouldn’t be happening. I’d love to get a doctor when they say it, pull them aside and go, that’s the dumbest thing you could ever possibly say to a human being. Never say that ever again. ⁓ I kind of did that when I had thyroid surgery.

      I had half of my thyroid removed ⁓ just before my after my stroke, my brain surgery about a year and a half later. And the surgeon came in after we’d done all the tests and she was trying to encourage me to have the surgery. And she said, we’ve got the results from your tests. They’re inconclusive. So she goes,

      But that doesn’t mean it’s not cancer. So it could be cancer and it could not be cancer. And then she closed the door and walked out of the room and I was.

      Jorden Ryan (1:16:35)

      Yeah, you decide.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:16:37)

      And I was in the room with one of her, I think you guys might call them attending, just a very fresh new doctor that’s learning. And she looked at the young doctor looked at me with horror, shock horror. And I looked at her and I said, don’t ever do that to a patient ever. Don’t worry. I said, it’s not your fault, but that’s disgusting what she just did. That’s terrible. So then I waited for our meeting, which was gonna be about.

      10 or 15 minutes later. And when we went in the meeting, ⁓ the surgeon came to me and said, ⁓ hi, how are you? How’s things? And I said, look, I’m okay, but I need to talk to you about what you said to me earlier. She goes, what did I say? I said, you said you dropped the C word, then you closed the door and you walked out.

      Jorden Ryan (1:17:27)

      Yeah, that’s pretty big word. think even bigger than the other C word. I think that is pretty bad.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:17:34)

      I said, you can’t do that. You can’t do that to a human being. Now I’m not the kind of guy that would get offended or upset about that because I know it’s not cancer, even though you don’t want to rule it out. But that’s not how you have a conversation with a human being. Let’s do me a favor. Let’s rewind and go back to the beginning and let’s talk from scratch. I’ll come in the door, you introduce yourself again and we’ll start off like that. And we did that. ⁓

      We a little role play. She was devastated at the same time, but I think that was a little lesson that made her think about maybe be careful with what you say in front of patients who could be vulnerable in your care. They’re in your care, so they’re vulnerable. They’re coming to you for support, not for trauma.

      Jorden Ryan (1:18:06)

      Yeah.

      Yeah, I think I need you to go to my appointments with me. Tell the doctor some of these things because you’re right. Some of them do say stuff that is… I don’t know if they don’t know that it’s outlandish or they just do it so often they don’t realize it but when you are a patient and you hear something like that it’s a big deal. They say it like it’s nothing but yes of course it is a possibility but you know come on but…

      I have all these surgeries they can do for me ⁓ such as a cochlear implant where I can hear out of this year because it’s so difficult but I can’t not come off the blood thinner. So there’s only a 5 % chance that I could have another stroke or so they say but man the strokes are hard. I remember walking around the YMCA one lap was no 10 laps was a mile and I was like this is crazy because I could only do maybe two with my

      uh, Walker, and I heard you saying that you learned to walk twice, I was like, oh, I don’t think I could ever do that. And, uh, I remember thinking, I guess I would do it a hundred times if I had to, but boy, I sure wouldn’t want to.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:19:35)

      Yeah, I actually didn’t learn to walk twice. I learned to walk a second, once only. So maybe I explained it a little bit incorrectly or something, but yeah. I know people that have though. I definitely have interviewed people that have had to go back again and go again and go again because they kept having multiple episodes. So.

      Jorden Ryan (1:19:56)

      You

      were my full model. So, no, I’m just kidding. I had to do it, you know, two other times other than when I was an infant, whatever, baby, whatever, it was so… ⁓

      Bill Gasiamis (1:20:09)

      I don’t care if you got it wrong and I was your role model and it didn’t happen. It was just imagined. I’m glad that it worked out for you.

      Jorden Ryan (1:20:16)

      I should say thank you because people were like, I can’t believe you’re doing so much and you’re doing so well after my first stroke. And so when I had my second one and it put me right back in a wheelchair, it was so much harder. Like it was hard to explain how much difficult it was. People say like, well, you already know what to expect, even though I didn’t because it’s the brain, like who knows what it is. Like it was much harder.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:20:18)

      Great.

      It’s more injury, it’s less brain that you’ve got to work with now every bloody time.

      Jorden Ryan (1:20:49)

      Right, so even though got back quick after the first one, the second one was so much harder mentally and physically and all that kind of stuff. But yeah, you were, you inspired me one way or the other.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:21:05)

      glad. I didn’t really care how I did it as long as I did it.

      Jorden Ryan (1:21:09)

      Outwalking was, you know, a nice thing to see. Like, you do some of your podcasts, I think anyway, if it was you, maybe I’m confused, that you do some outwalk outside.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:21:19)

      Walk. Right?

      I did, yeah. They’re my favorite ones to do, but they’re the hardest ones to do as well because ⁓ they require you to be really in flow and out of your head. So if you’re thinking about what you want to talk about, it’s really hard to do it. And also I get really self-conscious when people walk past me and I’m talking to a stick ⁓ and a camera. It’s just a bit weird.

      I know heaps of people are doing it and they’re comfortable with it and it’s good content because I know people love watching it, but it’s just so hard to do. And especially in winter, like I don’t want to be outside doing that stuff in winter. I don’t mind sitting down here and doing it. I will do some more walking once. I definitely will. But I think I’ll prefer to find somewhere where that’s a little more secluded where I don’t have to worry about people coming into my frame or into my field of view or something like that. It’s just so hard.

      Jorden Ryan (1:22:16)

      Yeah, well, I just appreciate it for sure, because when I was learning to walk, could not. Having a phone in my hand was a pipe dream, so to speak, because I had to look every step, every inch to control my body. So to even think about having a phone and walking was so difficult. So seeing you outside and enjoying the nice weather was a treat for me. I’m not saying you have to do it anymore. was, you know, it’s out there to see for people. So that was really good.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:22:45)

      I will, I definitely will though. ⁓ What kind of guy are you becoming? How would you describe yourself today?

      Jorden Ryan (1:22:53)

      ⁓ How would I describe myself? I don’t know. I don’t think that I’ve tried to do that. So I will try to right now. I just think Perseverance, mean water I just whatever comes at me. It’s just more of a well, okay Let’s see what we can do about it. Like before it was not like that I would try to stop life from happening, but Unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of power life happens, right? So I’m more like well

      I can only do what I can do and like the rest, whatever. You know, so that I think that’s the kind of person I am now. It’s been a major mind shift, totally different than what I was before. And instead of worrying about every little thing or maybe I won’t wake up tonight. mean, I just let’s get, let’s go after it. Let’s get it done. Right. So I don’t know. It is scary too. It’s sometimes to go to sleep because I have my CPAP machine on.

      And then I’m like, maybe this will cause another stroke. Maybe I should stay awake. That’s ridiculous, I have to get some sleep. But I’m just, now I think that I just do it, you whatever it happens to be. Whether it happens to be walking down the hall or it happens to be, the good thing about me now is that I don’t care what I look like. I don’t care about like…

      I have my why or whatever and so nothing else matters, right? I’m dialed in. Like I don’t care if I have food on my face or like one bad example is I was working out the why and workout was like standing up. It wasn’t hard. It wasn’t like hardcore aerobics or anything. And I peed my pants a little bit. Like instead of not working out and not doing anything and going home, I just was like, ⁓ I guess, I mean, it wasn’t like all over the equipment or anything, but.

      It was enough that I was like, okay, I will stay at the gym and get things done where before I would never do that.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:24:51)

      Yeah, I love it. David Goggins, you know David Goggins?

      mental runner who doesn’t stop running under any circumstances. Nothing is going to get in the way. That was very Goggins-esque what you did. ⁓ I paid my pants. So what? Keep going.

      Jorden Ryan (1:25:12)

      Yeah, I mean he’s a little bit crazy as far as I know but yeah, maybe I am more like him now I mean it was like well that that happened. Let’s keep working out. That’s what I came here to do so and again people are like why are you at the why for three hours and you know, just standing there was workout for me it was not Like I went and ran seven miles an hour or something for the whole time just being away and out of the house and

      trying to do something so I’m very dedicated to try to get better.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:25:45)

      Yeah, a marathon can look different for everybody, you know, it doesn’t have to be 42 kilometers. A marathon can be literally just getting out of bed today and going to the toilet and then doing it quicker tomorrow or feeling safer tomorrow or feeling more stable tomorrow. know, that can be the marathon. It doesn’t have to be a feat of endurance that lasts for 42 kilometers. It can just be, got up, I got out of bed, I succeeded.

      and tomorrow I’m gonna be better at it.

      Jorden Ryan (1:26:17)

      I love that and even if you are worse at it, like the desire to get better at it the next day, like it’s just a totally different mindset. can’t, I wish I could put it in a book or be good like you and do podcasts, but it is completely different. Like if I did worse, it is still like, okay, well tomorrow I’ll do better. It’s okay, no, it’s not a big deal.

      Finding Meaning After Stroke


      Bill Gasiamis (1:26:40)
      Yeah, yeah. If you could distill your recovery into one lesson or gift, what would it be?

      Jorden Ryan (1:26:45)

      Boy, that’s pretty difficult. I would say that, I don’t know, maybe love is my religion or I think just being alive is enough sometimes, right? Like, okay, I am not who I used to be. I could either be sad about it forever. I could be like, hey, I’m alive still and I get to see my nieces grow up or I get to see amazing things. can still, and you know, I about lost my…

      vision the second, well both times, you know the second time and I was kind of pretty upset because one thing of me all the way through my body was messed up and I was like well if only my both my legs were good that would be great right or both my arms were good I could at least do the wheelchair pause like pretty good or I wish both of my eyes were tight I could read what I have all this time off but none of the

      I was thinking how selfish is that? I mean I have one thing that works so I need to get it together right and live the best life that I can. I think that is probably what I would say one sentence is ⁓ live the best life that you can. Whatever you’re into if it’s doing nothing then it’s fine but if it’s just be happy be content of what you have.

      Bill Gasiamis (1:28:05)

      That’s beautiful, mate. And on that note, thank you so much for joining me on the podcast. I really appreciate you sharing your story.

      Jorden Ryan (1:28:12)

      I really appreciate what you’re doing, like not just to boost your ego, I mean you’ve really helped me a lot so, and hearing other people’s and getting through so thank you so much for your time and have a good

      Bill Gasiamis (1:28:26)

      Well, thanks again for listening to Jordan’s story. His journey through two strokes, double vision, fear, setbacks, and the fight to stand again is a reminder that recovery isn’t linear, but progress is always possible. If stroke recovery feels confusing, isolating, I completely understand. I’ve lived that part too. That’s why recovery after stroke exists to give you real stories and insights that guide your recovery so that you can feel more confident, informed, and in control of your progress.

      If you’d like to go deeper, remember to check out my book, The Unexpected Way That a Stroke Became the Best Thing That Happened. You can get it at recoveryafterstroke.com slash book and support the show on Patreon at patreon.com slash recovery after stroke. Importantly, we present many podcasts designed to give you an insight and understanding into the experiences of other individuals.

      Opinions and treatment protocols discussed during any podcast are the individual’s own experience and we do not necessarily share the same opinion nor do we recommend any treatment protocol discussed. All content on this website and any linked blog, podcast or video material controlled this website or content is created and produced for informational purposes only and is largely based on the personal experience of Bill Gassiamus. The content is intended to complement your medical treatment and support healing. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical

      and should not be relied on as health advice. The information is general and may not be suitable for your personal injuries, circumstances or health objectives. Do not use our content as a standalone resource to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease for therapeutic purposes or as a substitute for the advice of a health professional. Never delay seeking advice or disregard the advice of a medical professional, your doctor or your rehabilitation program based on our content. If you have any questions or concerns about your health or medical condition, please seek guidance from a doctor

      or other medical professional. If you are experiencing a health emergency or think you might be, call 000 if in Australia or your local emergency number immediately for emergency assistance or go to the nearest hospital emergency department. Medical information changes constantly. While we aim to provide current quality information in our content, we do not provide any guarantees and assume no legal liability or responsibility for the accuracy, currency or completeness of the content. If you choose to rely on any information within our content, you do so solely at your own risk.

      We are careful with links we provide. However, third party links from our website are followed at your own risk and we are not responsible for any information you find there.

       

      The post Double Vision After Stroke: What Jorden’s Story Reveals About Brainstem Stroke Recovery appeared first on Recovery After Stroke.

      ...more
      View all episodesView all episodes
      Download on the App Store
      Recovery After StrokeBy Recovery After Stroke
      • 4.9
      • 4.9
      • 4.9
      • 4.9
      • 4.9

      4.9

      85 ratings

      More shows like Recovery After Stroke

      View all
      Pod Save America by Crooked Media

      Pod Save America

      87,317 Listeners

      The Daily by The New York Times

      The Daily

      112,360 Listeners

      Up First from NPR by NPR

      Up First from NPR

      56,503 Listeners

      The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett by DOAC

      The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett

      8,522 Listeners

      Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee by Dr Rangan Chatterjee: GP & Author

      Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee

      3,815 Listeners

      Modern Wisdom by Chris Williamson

      Modern Wisdom

      3,929 Listeners

      The Dr. Hyman Show by Dr. Mark Hyman

      The Dr. Hyman Show

      9,208 Listeners

      The Peter Attia Drive by Peter Attia, MD

      The Peter Attia Drive

      8,549 Listeners

      Stroke Stories by Stroke Stories

      Stroke Stories

      21 Listeners

      Huberman Lab by Scicomm Media

      Huberman Lab

      29,220 Listeners

      Stroke, Surviving the odds THE PODCAST by Karina Lemire

      Stroke, Surviving the odds THE PODCAST

      4 Listeners

      ZOE Science & Nutrition by ZOE

      ZOE Science & Nutrition

      2,071 Listeners

      The Mel Robbins Podcast by Mel Robbins

      The Mel Robbins Podcast

      19,771 Listeners

      The Dr. Gabrielle Lyon Show by Dr. Gabrielle Lyon

      The Dr. Gabrielle Lyon Show

      1,198 Listeners

      Stronger After Stroke by Norton Neuroscience Comprehensive Stroke Center and Resource Center

      Stronger After Stroke

      4 Listeners