“Shame needs three things to grow exponentially in our lives: secrecy, silence, and judgment.”

- Brené Brown

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named

That’s the phrase everyone used to refer to the villain, Voldemort in the popular Harry Potter book series.

They used the title “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” instead of saying his actual name because they were afraid of him. You might even argue that they were trying to avoid any association with him… or as we’d say in our community, they were “avoiding the appearance of evil.”

But in the first book of the series, Professor Dumbledore teaches Harry something powerfully important.

“Call him Voldemort, Harry. Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.”

Just like in the wizarding world, there are things in the Latter-Day Saint community that many of us avoid talking about. They are words and topics that make us feel uncomfortable and awkward.

If you’re like most people raised in a conservative home, your family had “Voldemorts” that you simply did not talk about. Doing so would result in shame, guilt, and judgement. These topics were just too difficult, too nuanced, or too emotionally charged to address directly. It was much easier to just avoid them all together and pretend they didn’t exist.

The problem is, when you refuse to talk about something, you just give that thing power over you. You never develop the skills to talk about it, to wrestle with it, and to truly understand it.