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In Anita's lifetime, the divorce rate for Americans over 55 has doubled. People are living longer, divorce stigma has decreased and women are more financially independent. But leaving a decades-long marriage … is a big life upheaval. Anita gets personal accounts from two gray divorcees about what it was like to rebuild their identities, finances and freedom post-divorce. They discuss money management, surfing and why women initiate divorce most often in heterosexual partnerships.

Meet the guests:

- Laura Stassi is a writer, editor and the host of the podcast "Dating While Gray"

- Dr. Stephanie Han is a literature scholar, award-winning author and educator

Special thanks to Nanette Murphy and Linda Lingo for sharing their thoughts for this episode!

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Please note: This episode originally aired August 15, 2024.

Update: Stephanie’s guide to writing your divorce story and her class on the same topic was featured on Oprah Daily. 

You can check out Climbing the Walls here.

American men are in a friendship recession. Compared to a few decades ago, five times as many men have no close friends. So what’s going on? Anita talks with Mark Pagán, creator and host of the podcast “Other Men Need Help,” about what makes close friendships among men so fraught — and what we can do about it. They talk about everything from why Mark loves secret handshakes to his ongoing journey of making himself say the hard stuff out loud.

Meet the guest:

- Mark Pagán is the creator and host of the podcast "Other Men Need Help" and writes the substack "Other Men"

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You can check out Climbing the Walls here.

Doctors are expected to make high-stakes decisions quickly and often. And while plenty of medical guidelines exist, sometimes finding the right answer relies on intuition as much as logic. So what happens when suddenly that intuition is … gone? Retired anesthesiologist Dr. Ronald Dworkin tells Anita about the day he lost his intuition and how he got it back. She also talks to one of her favorite medical minds (her brother-in-law, Dr. Amit Gupta) about training intuition in the next generation of doctors.

Meet the guests:

- Dr. Ronald Dworkin is a research fellow at the Institute for Advanced Studies in Culture at the University of Virginia, a retired anesthesiologist and the author of the essay "When I lost my intuition"

- Dr. Amit Gupta is a gastroenterologist, assistant professor of medicine at UNC-Chapel Hill and Anita's brother-in-law

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You can check out Climbing the Walls here.

Ever since Kate Downey got her first extremely painful period at age 14, every month feels like playing Russian roulette with her uterus. Will she get “normal” abdominal discomfort — or excruciating, life-disrupting “death cramps”? After decades of not knowing the cause of her pain,  Kate set out to find an answer to her very own medical mystery…and she shares with Anita how what she uncovered has implications for many other menstruating people.

Meet the guest:

- Kate Downey is the creator and host of CRAMPED, a podcast investigating period pain

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When technology creators see problems … they fix them. No less is true for trans designers, who for decades have responded to emergent needs in their community with technological innovation. Trans scholar Oliver Haimson tells Anita why it's vital to understand the role of trans technology in this particular political moment. He shares stories from the hundreds of technologies he’s explored — everything from bathroom-finding apps to augmented reality — that both support trans folks’ tangible needs and help reimagine new worlds.

Meet the guest:

- Oliver Haimson is the author of "Trans Technologies" and an assistant professor at the University of Michigan School of Information

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Special thanks to Hibby Thach for her contributions to this episode!

Despite a decade of restrictive behavior and a career path in mental health counseling, Alishia McCullough had never associated herself with the phrase eating disorder. She’s not alone – while eating disorders affect all races and ethnicities at similar rates, people of color are less than half as likely to receive a diagnosis than their white counterparts. She talks to Anita about how an aha moment in grad school led her to better understand how to treat eating disorders in Black women’s bodies — starting with her own.

Meet the guest:

- Alishia McCullough is the author of "Reclaiming the Black Body: Nourishing the Home Within" and a licensed mental health therapist

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When Anita moved away to college, she experienced a big shift in her biracial identity. Turns out that the questions that emerged for her are ones that many mixed young adults still ponder today ...15 years later. She meets two college seniors and they talk through navigating everything from "Where do I belong?" to "How do I date?" Plus she hears wisdom from a life coach who helps mixed adults tell new stories about identity.

Meet the guests:

- Adiah Siler, a senior at the University of the Arts in Philadelphia, explains how moving out of her small town to go to college allowed her opportunities to explore her Blackness and has influenced her journey as a mixed race person

- Claire Gallagher, a senior at the University of Michigan, shares her own experiences growing up as a mixed race person and brings up some of the anxieties she's had about her identity, especially since attending a predominantly white college

- Sarah Lotus Garrett, a certified life and goal fulfillment coach, emphasizes the confidence and healing that being a part of a mixed race community can bring

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Please note: This episode originally aired July 14, 2023.

Updates: Adiah Siler is currently working on her MFA at the University of Iowa in the Writers’ Workshop.

Dig deeper:

Sarah’s program for mixed adults

Claire’s piece on the fetishization of mixed race identities

Adiah’s piece on being a mixed teen

When Celeste Gracia was 17, her religiously conservative parents sent her to conversion therapy. This was the same summer that the Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage, giving queer people across the country cause for celebration. It would take years before Celeste felt that same joy and freedom, and today, the 27-year-old environment reporter at WUNC talks with Anita about how recent political events are prompting her to reflect on her decade-long path to healing. Anita also talks to therapist Jonathan Bell about how Celeste’s story fits into a broader context and why religious trauma is so challenging to heal.

Meet the guests:

- Celeste Gracia is an environment reporter at WUNC who has spent a decade untangling her religious trauma

- Jonathan Bell is a a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in helping queer clients with religious trauma

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Most parents in Anita's life tell her that it's a relentless job ... so if you're doing it all without a partner, how is it possible to also sustain a relationship with sex and romance? Anita talks with two unpartnered moms about juggling pleasure, dating and parenthood.

Meet the guests:

- Tara Ilsley is a solo mom of a toddler and a public health worker

- Cordelia Gaffar is a single mom of six kids, an intimacy educator and a somatic movement facilitator

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Soph Myers-Kelley and his mom, René Myers, have always been close. As of five years ago, they also share a diagnosis: the connective tissue disorder Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. Soph and René were diagnosed one year apart – Soph was 25; René was 60. EDS explained symptoms they’d both been experiencing for decades, including waking up with jaw or shoulder dislocations and having chronic pain.The two talk with Anita about how their diagnoses began a new chapter of their lives, including the decision to move in together last summer.

Meet the guests:

- Soph Myers-Kelley is a medical librarian at East Carolina University

- René Myers is Soph's mom and a retired educator

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