Embrace It All!

I have learned and experienced over the last 22 months the many ways that grief manifests itself in me.  I knew that anger could be one way, but up until December of 2024 I hadn't experienced it.  Then it it.  In this episode I briefly share my epxerience with the overwhelming anger that flooded my body and mind for three months.  

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It's been a while, I know.  But I am back!  Today I will briefly explain part of my journey over the last few months and one way that helped me climb out of my own  discouragment and worry spiral.   And it all has to do with understanding my "why" for everything I do.  

There is so much we can discover when we are still and ask oursleves "why".  The key is to ask "why" 5 times.  When you can answer honestly, you will discover what your true intentions are.  The awareness this brings may surprise you, or not.  

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In this episode I briefly share how EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) Therapy helped to unlock not only the trauma from Jessica's death, but trauma from years before.  I will explain what it is designed to do and my own experience with it.  

If you are experiencing any type of trauma, I highly recommend finding a therapist who is trained in EMDR therapy.  The results can change your life!

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It's been awhile, I know. Over the last month, my emotions were quite heavy overall.   I have felt the pain and sadness of Jessica's absence more than I thought I would. And it confused me.   Afterall, it has already been a year and half since her death.  Shouldn't I be feeling better by now?

The truth is, I continue to feel the waves of sadness and pain.  It comes and goes, but last month it came and stayed.  In this episode I will share this experience and discuss how, through understanding what I was feeling, visualization, and ultimately self-compassion has been helping me heal my wounded soul.  

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Shortly after Jessica died, I started to travel down the road regret.  suddenly I found  myself  in the state of “ wish I would have and wish I could have”.    I wish I would have told her I loved her more often.  I wished I would have not gotten so angry over petty things when she was growing up.  I wish I would have stopped her from hiking that day.  I wish I would have celebrated her more on her last birthday.  I wished I would have laughed with her more.  And the list goes on and on. 

But traveling down the road of regret led to dead ends and nothing but misery and pain.  In this episode I talk about regret and how I have learned to stop it dead in it's tracks. 

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Shortly after Jessica's death, a friend of mine shared with me that there is a high percentage of marriages that don't survive after the death of a child.  Although shocked at first that she would share this with me so soon after Jessica's passing, it gave Dave and I a chance to discuss our commitment to each other, and how we were going to make a conscious effort to turn toward each other during the most difficult trial we were facing.    It would be so easy to turn inward as we process and grieve the death of our daughter, but neither of us wanted that.

In this episode I will share some simple things that we have done over the last year and a half to stay connected as we have chosen to turn toward each other.  

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For the past several weeks I have been going through pictures and trying to organize them. 

Each picture created a memory and gave me a chance to reflect on how our family has evolved and grown over the years.  The experiences captured in these pictures not only tell a story, but they also create feelings of love that have deepened over time through shared experiences.  

Usually, the way we process the experiences in our lives is what creates the feelings we have about that experience. Our perception of any experiences creates an emotion.  And it is those emotions that jog  our memories. 

There are many times in our lives when we feel something, a feeling so strong and undeniable during certain experiences.  These feelings can bring tears of joy.  Have you ever experienced something like that in your life?  I would be willing to bet we all have a time or two.  These strong, undeniable feelings can fill you with so much joy and happiness, it’s as if your very your very  soul fills up  with light, even for a moment.  These are the experiences we always want to remember.  But if we are not careful, they can be so easily forgotten. 

In today's episode I will share with you what I am learning about the importance of remembering, why we forget so quickly, and how we can make sure to keep these memories from fading away.  

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Over that last three months a lot has happened with our family.  So many wonderful and hard experiences at the same time.  And in the middle of all of it,  my faith and trust in God and my Savior was stretched more than it has ever been.    
In today's episode I will share this personal experience with you and how I am learning that faith and trust in God, and surrending my will to His is hard.  And it is an every day process.  

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I am learning that after experiencing a traumatic event, your mind is constantly on high alert, just waiting for the next traumatic thing to happen.  This is quite normal, but it is not easy to go through.  In this short episode I will share an experience that is helping me to put it all into better perspective.  

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This month was filled with celebrations, and also many "firsts".  During the first year after a loved one dies, you experience the holidays and celebrations for the first time without them, and it can be so painful.  I've struggled a lot this month, and my tears flow daily.  But as I have reflected on the memories each "first" presented, I'm seeing  the miracles we've experienced along the way.  

Ronald A. Rasband reminds us that miracles are a lifeline from heaven to earth.  And I believe that 100%.  As I have been finding and reflecting upon my own miracles, the sorrow has become less heavy.  When we seek for our miracles, with even just a tiny particle of faith, God will show them to us.  

To connect with Angela Adams

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