August 09, 2023

Embracing Grief: A Journey of Love and Healing with Marisa Renee Lee

59 minutes

In our society, especially for men, we’ve been taught that grieving and the tears that sometimes come with this process are a sign of weakness. But there’s a growing sentiment that says we’ve been doing this grieving thing all wrong. It says that grieving and all the associated parts and pieces that come with it is really a way of expressing our deep, unbridled love for the one we lost.

“A lot of people, as I was dealing with grief and loss, started calling me a grief expert and that felt very uncomfortable.” – Marisa

My guest today is the one and only, Marisa Renee Lee. She’s a woman who knows a lot about grief, the stages, and what it means to grieve. She’s a former White House Appointee who worked in the Obama Administration and the author of the book, Grief is Love. Today, I’ll spend time speaking with Marisa on how she has handled various losses in her life and the message she wants to impart to others as they go through their own processes.

“What I’m advocating for is for everybody to have access to whatever they need when grief arrives.” – Marisa

There’s nothing wrong with grieving. It’s a sign that you loved the person you lost. It’s also a very personal experience that has no timetable and must be embraced at every stage of life. Listen today as we tackle this tough issue and release some of the preconceived notions that have been holding us all back.

“I think I first encountered grief when I was a teenager and just didn’t have words for it.” – Marisa

In this episode:

(5:35) – Marisa and her White House Experience.
(8:00) – The gravity of working in The White House never got old.
(13:22) – The road to becoming a Grief Advocate.
(15:27) – Marisa advocates for what is needed to heal.
(16:17) – Mental health can be daunting.
(17:18) – Her mother has passed, but Marisa still speaks to her.
(18:50) – zthe commonality of death and how everyone faces it.
(19:50) – Marisa talks about her interpretation of grief.
(20:50) – When a loved one passes, you change as a person.
(21:31) – The painful part of love.
(22:14) – We suffer because our society is grief averse.
(27:00) – Danny discusses the pain his mother felt following her miscarriages.
(28:00) – Marisa discusses her pain from having a miscarriage.
(28:29) – Grief and trauma were contributing factors to her miscarriage.
(32:04) – The correlation between grief and anger.
(38:45) – Being Black at Harvard.
(43:23) – The five stages of grief.
(45:27) – We all receive grief differently.
(46:46) – Grieve on your terms.
(47:00)- Naming our feelings reduces their power over us.
(47:44) – Nothing that is hard in this world is ever accomplished in isolation.
(48:26) – Be prepared to ask for help.
(48:42) – The three categories of health.
(50:00) – Find your own way to honor and love the one you lost.
(53:20) – The pain of being a fixer and being unable to fix the situation.
(54:37) – Make space for grief in your life.

Our Guest

Marisa Renee Lee is a called-upon advocate, writer, and speaker on coping with grief. In 2008, she lost her mother to breast cancer, in 2019 Marisa and her husband lost a much-wanted pregnancy, and most recently, she lost a young cousin to the COVID-19 pandemic. These losses transformed her life and led her to question what grief really is and what healing truly requires. As a leading grief advocate, Marisa offers incisive and compassionate advice on managing life after loss with unique insights for women and African-American communities. She recently partnered with Ritual's well-being app as a writer and narrator alongside other leaders in science, faith, and culture.

Resources & Links

Off The Cuff