What are some people-pleasing traits and why is it harming you? How can you be your true authentic self when you are flooded with doubt and insecurities? Why should you put yourself first? In this podcast episode, Veronica speaks with Tiffany Carter about putting yourself first and figuring out what's really holding you back. Meet [...]

The post Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary: What’s Really Holding You Back? With Tiffany Carter | EU 7 appeared first on Empowered and Unapologetic.

Do you feel like you're lacking motivation? Why is it important to put yourself first? What are some steps you can take to implement change? In this podcast episode, Veronica shares a live coaching call she did on how to be motivated and take action. In This Podcast Summary Lacking motivation The lie that is [...]

The post My Live Coaching Call on How to be Motivated & Take Action | EU 6 appeared first on Empowered and Unapologetic.

Do you feel like you’re lacking motivation? Why is it important to put yourself first? What are some steps you can take to implement change?

In this podcast episode, Veronica shares a live coaching call she did on how to be motivated and take action.

In This Podcast SUMMARY

• Lacking motivation
• The lie that is the social norm
• The change you have to make

LACKING MOTIVATION

I couldn’t explain what I am other than a mom and a wife

There was this lingering feeling, it wasn’t depression, but something was missing. Realizing that her teenager would be out of the house in a few years, Bridget understood that she should have a separate identity outside of being a mom and a wife. Bridget felt that she needed to start looking for that identity or start creating it.

After attending a transformative seminar she felt that she was starting on a clean slate and tried to build herself to the way she wanted to be. Despite taking this step she still has a lack of motivation on a day-to-day basis.

THE LIE THAT IS THE SOCIAL NORM

It’s just a social norm that mom’s don’t put themselves first. When you’re met with this guilt that you don’t know what to do with, you tend to go back to the norm, to the things that fulfill you and you feel appreciated for. Tending to everyone else’s needs is the social norm, and this is a lie we have been fed, over and over again.

When we’re met with breaking a pattern, it’s difficult because we don’t want to disappoint, experience judgment or hurt others. As women, we are nurturers and we want to do everything for everyone. And the moment you put yourself first over your kid, you start questioning what type of mother you are. But if you don’t put yourself first, where will you be. Imagine doing this over and over, you’ll quickly fall into depression because you don’t have an identity.

THE CHANGE YOU HAVE TO MAKE

You have to start working towards your goals! In order to create change, you have to want it so badly that you’re able to lean into fear, lean into your insecurities, and then be able to sit in those uncomfortable emotions.

• Commit to a date
• Eliminate any distractions
• Block out your own time and stick to working during this time
• Decide on the 3 steps you need to take, put it in your calendar

USEFUL LINKS:

• I’m Doing This For Me: How To Lean Into Fear And Gear Up For Success | EU 005
• Join Our Girl Gang
• Empowered And Unapologetic Free Course

 

Do you want to be successful? What does success look like to you? How badly do you want success?

In This Podcast SUMMARY

In this podcast episode, Veronica shares her story into understanding success and how she had to lean into her fear.

MY JOURNEY TO UNDERSTANDING SUCCESS

Growing up I always wanted more, I just never knew what exactly more was. I knew something was missing and I felt a hole but I just didn’t know how I could get it. I grew up in a household where my dad was struggling with addiction and my mother did everything in her power to mask it. That meant sending us to pageants and more.

I remember being so excited to attend UCSD for the summers. I was in a program that allowed underprivileged youth to attend college. I knew this was one of my ways out, but how? 

I didn’t want anyone else to take it away from me and I wanted it so badly.

I received this exact same feeling when I was accepted into grad school. Then again, when I received my first internship at Loma Linda BMC. Graduating was something that blew my mind!

Then I moved on to working in the field and establishing my own practice. There were so many people coming in and out of my life and I started to pay attention to how they impacted me. 

Although I was moving forward, there was one thing that continued to follow me! FEAR.

I had a distorted thought that I needed someone else to guide me and help me move forward because I can’t do this myself. I didn’t think I was worth it. Then I started leaning into my fear and guess what? I started to move forward because I started to believe.

What was my mindset when I did succeed? It was that I didn’t want anyone else to take it away from me and I wanted it so badly.

HOW TO LEAN INTO FEAR TO GEAR UP FOR SUCCESS

Step 1: Learn from others

Take only the lessons you know will suit you and flush everything else.

Step 2: Get super clear on what you want and what makes you happy

Ask yourself the questions that lean into what will allow you to live your best life.

Step 3: What’s standing in your way?

I had to let go of the fear and let go of what I was taught as a kid. That meant leaning into fear and embracing it.

Step 4: Why are the emotions overwhelming?

Because you’re not used to feeling them, you usually brush them under the rug and pretend they are not there. Write down all of these emotions you feel when you go through an emotion list.

Step 5: How bad do you want it?

Lean into it. Is it okay if the person next to you takes it from you? You better fight for it because no one is going to give it to you.

What is your intent for today? Write it down. Until next time, keep pushing forward.

USEFUL LINKS:

• How To Stop Self-Sabotage: My Pursuit To A Healthy Living | EU 004
• Join Our Girl Gang
• Empowered And Unapologetic Free Course

Do you want to be successful? What does success look like to you? How badly do you want success? In This Podcast Summary In this podcast episode, Veronica shares her story into understanding success and how she had to lean into her fear. My journey to understanding success Growing up I always wanted more, I […]

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Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this podcast episode, Veronica shares her journey towards healthy living and her struggles with living a life that wasn’t healthy.

BAD HABITS THAT NEEDED TO BE KICKED

Working out and eating right is not something I wanted to do every day. I would rather eat what I want when I want and not feel guilty about doing it.

I absolutely love to eat! Like next level love to eat. Italian, American, Mexican you name it and I’m eating it. I don’t discriminate. 

 But I have also been on so many yo-yo diets. It was out of control, to a point where I just gave up altogether and would binge eat anything and everything until my belly hurt.

I would do this for a while until I couldn’t fit into my clothes and then I would go back to depriving myself of carbs and all of the other yummy food. This wouldn’t last long, and I would eventually cheat and cheat hard! Looking back, eating was a sense of relief from emotions.

HOW DID IT IMPACT MY LIFE?

Well, I started to feel really unhealthy, I would feel the shakes, and get out of breath easily. Walking up the steps was hard. I was in a session one day and I remember squatting down and ripping my pants!

It got so bad that none of my clothes fit. I was in denial and whenever I went shopping, I refused to buy a size bigger. I tucked in my fat and insecurities and continued on with my day.

But feelings of insecurity took over so much that I would avoid being physically intimate with my husband. Anytime he would walk into the closet I would immediately start an argument just so he didn’t see me undress. 

This impacted my relationships in so many ways. I wasn’t communicating what I was feeling with my husband and avoiding him at all costs. I was short with my children and there was no way in hell I was going to be seen out in public. So I made every excuse to stay inside.

3 STEPS TO RESOLVE THIS ISSUE

I changed my mindset but I also had to lean in and acknowledge my insecurities. Once I identified them I learned how to challenge them.

Step 1: I knew there was no way in hell I could do this alone.

I needed a professional trainer. I was tired of doing all of these things that didn’t work. The phone call was humbling and definitely needed. She asked me to take pictures of everything I ate. I didn’t realize I was eating and drinking so badly. I was able to identify a lot of my unhealthy habits.

Step 2: I had to want this, which meant I had to do as instructed.

I had to go to the gym! I had to face the women I was most insecure around. Every time I stepped into the gym, I had to challenge all of my own insecurities. I did this by constantly telling myself that if I wanted to live healthy then I had to do the work. I wanted my life back, so I had to do the uncomfortable and challenging things.

Step 3: I had to be disciplined and motivated on my own

As I started to slim down my husband started to say: Who are you losing this weight for? You know I love you just the way you are?  I don’t know why your trainer doesn’t let you eat bacon, it’s good for you. I didn’t feel supported and to be honest, I wanted to eat that bacon! But it also felt good to have self-control and discipline. I had more energy and felt confident.

Step 4: Celebrate the small victories

Each time I said no, there was something about feeling that level of pride and sense of self. I ate but I didn’t overindulge and I didn’t have to stick to this crazy diet. I learned that if I’m hungry, I can eat. There were times I screwed up. But I celebrated my small victories. I had to get comfortable with the uncomfortable.

So what is your intent for today? Write it down. Until next time, keep pushing forward.

Are you living a healthy life? Could you be a little healthier? Where do you start and how do you begin to live a healthy life? In This Podcast Summary In this podcast episode, Veronica shares her journey towards healthy living and her struggles with living a life that wasn’t healthy. Bad habits that needed […]

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Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this podcast episode, Veronica shares the story of her marriage and how she managed to make her marriage survive and thrive.

STARTING OUR MARRIAGE AND UNDERSTANDING MY PAST

The first year of marriage went something like this: you stay in your lane and I’ll stay in mine. It was a complete game. We were constantly trying to win this battle and win the role of being the alpha. Our arguments sounded like: if you don’t like it, leave. I wish it was from him, but it wasn’t.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family where my parents used to fight all the time and when they did, my dad would leave. My dad would do anything possible to avoid connection and vulnerability. I remember watching my mom feeling defeated. This was all they knew and what she modeled for us unintentionally. As a result, in my own marriage, there was no way I was going to get hurt or rejected. I decided that’s what my relationship would look like and I threatened him to leave so many times. Until I started thinking.

Veronica, what are you doing? This man loves you. Why won’t you let him in? I wanted to say sorry so badly but I didn’t know how to.

SOMETHING HAD TO CHANGE

In so many ways I was attempting to control the situation, our marriage, and I didn’t know how to be vulnerable. To me, vulnerability meant someone could take advantage of you and it meant you no longer have control. That was a lie.

I was waiting for something to change. Because something had to change or else divorce was on the cards.

Then I thought, what if I change and I no longer want to be with him?

Those words are the words I hear from most women that come into my office. I say to each one of them: what if you change and your relationship changes with you? What if you and your husband have the ability to grow together? Why do you allow fear to imprison you?

Fear is an emotion, not a direction.

In my own marriage, I began to believe the lie that ‘we’re just in a bad phase, we’ll get out of it’ and other lies I told myself.

Ask yourself the following:

• What lies are you telling yourself?
• How is this impacting your relationship?
• Are you married to your roommate?
• Do you feel connected?

We can not rely on anyone else to meet our needs as we have to meet our own needs first. Know what they are and work on them.

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