[ENTER THE MULTIVERSE]

I had plenty of moving boxes, just in case of whatever. I didn't feel like I was home–perhaps this was the cause of the depressive mess. I was working out okay, and eating…okay… kind of.

–besides being unable to actually tell if I was hungry or not unless the circumstances were extreme.

Lentils and pasta with garlic salt–cause I don't give any kind of fuck right now.

I knew something might be wrong when I was just eating raw cabbage with squirts of japanese barbeque sauce.

I'm enjoying myself thoroughly, but thinking–

“God, this just seems…this just feels wrong.”

It's just cabbage.

I'm like,

“Fuck it, this is good.”

It was as if somewhere in my mind if I cleaned up the mess to my standards, it would be too perfect–and that when things were perfect, it gave life an excuse to come crashing down.

One of the last thoughts I had just before my son died–the night before–was that things were perfect.

They weren't–obviously–but from where I had been, they were looking up. So far up, that they seemed perfect.

And as for perfect was concerned…I had never seen a more perfect human being in my life.

My son was gorgeous.

Of course, most mothers feel that way about their offspring, even when to say the least, it isn't entirely true–but to a mother, this is always true.

But this boy, everyone thought was absolutely perfect.

A beautiful boy.

He might have even been about 6 feet tall.

Might have been. But if things were perfect, and they weren't–but I had at least let myself think so–the universe might have worked itself around this tragedy. Instead in my mind, things were perfect, and so life came crashing down.

I thought things were perfect, the next day, my son drowned.

By the grace of God, I still had one son left. He was also perfect.

Now, apparently, [redacted]

Well, what do you expect? Maybe I was a little crazy.

I very rarely thought about my son, because if I spent time doing that, I might have been a wreck.

–more of a wreck.

Actually, I was increasingly put together–outstanding considering the previous circumstances.

But everyone has a story. None of this makes me special–

Especially in New York City, where almost everyone thinks they're special, and almost nobody is.

Almost Nobody.

And that might as well have been my name.

I wasn't nobody–

I was Almost Nobody.

An honest nobility.

But–

And I might have looked through Will Ferrell on any other day, because like most big time movie stars, he was invisible to me.

Once you're ‘this many' famous, it's almost like a reversal effect on my psyche.

I don't hate you.

I don't like you.

You're just–too famous.

I.e.--invisible.

–Besides this, however, was the fact that I was peeling my eyelids back with toothpicks from having them shut before what I considered as a full “work day” was over.

And on this day, in the documentary that I considered as “work…”

Actually, very hard work–

Very hard work–

He happened to have been wearing a shirt that reminded me of the shirt my son was wearing in one of the last ever photos I took of him.

—actually, both of them were wearing that shirt. We were all dressed alike. Family pictures.

Matching outfits.

You know–the kind of shit you do when you're happily married–

Or unhappily, but still married with children and making the best of it because you're married with children

That sort of shit.

And that day was probably the very best day because I took the very best pictures of the very best boys–

But of course, I didn't remember anything about that day besides taking those pictures.

So there, in my mind, it stood.

Now, what does this have to do with Will Ferrell's shirt?

Almost nothing, besides making a point of sense memory.

Anyway, isn't it obvious?

{Enter The Multiverse}

When something invisible becomes suddenly visible, you have no choice but to look at it as some sort of miracle.

An act of God.

What kind of miracle was this?

I didn't know.

The Complex Collective ©

Sure, let's just chalk up all this uncontrollable crying and depressive nonsense to that.

Under the circumstances–to chalk it up to anything else?

[The Festival Project ™ ]

[A MAN exits THE STUDIO in the shadow of night.]

V.O.

That could be devastating.

L E G E N D S –

The Return of S U P A[Redacted]™

[A MAN is tied to a chair in a dark and murky chamber; a spotlight shines onto him from above; the cheesecloth

Lol cheesecloth how fitting.

Classic.

–is removed from his mouth. Naturally, he immediately begins speaking.]

Why–am I sitting here–

In–a fuckin'--suit?!

That's your work uniform!

What the fuck!

You don't like it?

What the–

Haha.

[his arms are taped tightly to the armrest]

What–NO–i don't like it.

Well then, you don't know who you are.

[The man pauses, as a blank look falls over his face–suddenly this seems true, as if his mind been completely erased. As if–he's just realized–he bears absolutely no identity.]

Holy shit.

Jeezus.

That is terrifying.

INT. STAIRWELL. NIGHT

[The sound of the thunderous stormy rain batters the house almost hauntingly–the television sets all bear a static loss of signal–young STEPHEN runs in a panic up the stairs to the GALLEY, where his UNCLE JACK is often found]

UNCLE JACK! UNCLE JACK!

I buy things with pennies not worth picking up–

I live in a dumpster made of don't-wants.

Over a period of time it slowly began to occur to me that I had no idea what I had written–that is, what had been published, or who had read it. It was certain: someone had. However… to what limit was this exposure. And–was it dangerous?

Fuck.

I knew nothing entirely of the redactions, except that I'd redacted it.

But what about the text surrounding the redactions.

What the fuck exactly did I write about?

I forgot how high I was–or where i'd been.

Not literally high, of course, but….figuratively speaking.

Fuck.

Hurry, hurry along,

It's been a long time

I can't help you along,

Die alone, ride along

It's been a long time…

See, I told you the Upper West Side was the best side.

maybe it's just the least not-great side.

ehh , tomato-potato.

For the crust,

try flax seed meal

cinnamon

agave

Oil

What time is it on the West Coast?

The ghost of Conan arrived

Under a blanket of blue light, and sighed

“I've been wasting my time here”

I had to disagree, kind of.

What time is it here?

I'm locked in for one more day;

I'm locked in for one more hour

I'm wasting valuable dark time with my life shit

But I'm so tired my eyes are burning

And I'm so sore

My arms are stuck.

I should run for the coffee;

Or turn for the cornbread

They're all getting sick of us

They're all getting sicker

I decided to pack my life up

And hault all of it over

I woke up sore

But I wrote a song

On a four leaf clover

It was four in the morning

The ghost of Conan

Won me over

It was four in the morning

I'm locked in for one more hour

It was four in the morning

An hour ahead

A four leaf clover

It was four in the morning

I needed a water

It's one more hour

A four leaf clover

The ghost of Conan

I start recording

To cut the corner

Conan O'Brien

It's one in the morning—

You're one hundred years old;

You ought to be sleeping.

…

It's midnight.

I live in Hollywood.

And i'm a vampire.

Ah.

Sweet dreams.

//

Happy Trails.

L E G E N D S

Shapeshifting is simple— not the process or practice of changing one's form, but simply shifting one's consciousness into another vessel either partially, or entirely.

But—

Just because it's simple, doesn't mean it's also easy.

{Enter The Multiverse}

Often times in matters of consciousness, anything is dangerous.

I did have strange dreams—so, as to say instructed by ‘the ghost of Conan O'Brien', I was decent at following directions, being as his tone might have been dauntingly sarcastic, or sardonic—but I kept forgetting to look up what the latter meant, and so it was with heavy sarcasm after I awoke to transcribe whatever frequency waves I was being blugeoned with under the pure blue light of my otherwise darkened studio—as blue light always seem merciless to whatever was lurking in the corners of my deep subconscious, I wasn't altogether too suprised that this time it was Conan “Snowball” O'Brien, because I had been so recently impressed with his Oscar's performance—and before that, English tends with the type of comedy that had given him the nickname I had chosen for him—or codename, because, by now, the hosts had come one by one with a point to make and a line to put across, and though it had been at some kind of increased trajectory since He who might should probably not be named for fear the sudden and highly publicized combustion of the then currently raining Tonight show host— it was as if it had been raining everymans in blue suits and shined loafers for the inside of a year, however, it had indeed kind of presently enough started with my co-worker “Kimmel”, who was fascinated with the kind of Television that breeds a familiarity with these kinds of people— and Jay Leno was also sort of like some sort of fairy that just kind of occurred randomly at times, living back in LA.

I was sure it had been Jay Leno in LA traffic in some kind of a classic car— only later to find that he indeed was a collector and enthusiast of cars and motorcycles, and I tried not to hold the later against him.

My dreams had been odd at best and filled with people I very rarely thought about— the man in Los Angeles I once lived with who I was sure was a [redacted[, and also just happened to look the way Will Ferrell would age to eventually look.

This, I found fascinating.

Will Ferrell didn't look like that at the time,

But he did now— and even his style of comedy was growing on me, because I didn't find myself capable of it.

What kind of comedy was I capable of?

Right now, the invisible kind.

After a heavy breakfast, I had finally realized why ‘Tears of A Clown' was incomplete—

Apparently I had to include all of my performances—-

This would make the album hard to listen to, at least for me. But the concept was the concept. I had already hidden other comics amongst the tracks and probably without too much trouble— from recordings I had taken myself and were impossible to find elsewhere.

This side project was beginning to be a whole album project, and [rarity] was still just not even something I moderately even wanted to consider doing, however—

‘story.' had somehow come to the top of the page where my masters were kept, and it reminded me that perhaps I was in the same kind of pressure position now that I was then— and that in order for things to change— to get a new apartment or to visit with my son- I would have to medicate in order to write the kind of music i wasn't writing; the anxiety had finally collided with impatience, and lack of focus, and all the classic symptoms of ADHD's spiraling depression, but I was still glad I hadn't become dependent on the girl next door for her adderall prescription.

I wasn't gonna be her little bitch.

Especially not in that way.

It seemed a pattern amongst these people to create a need and dependency in order to gain power and control— and thusly, the dynamic had lost my trust and respect, and so I was just kind of… around— out there, and not caring really what it was or what it all meant.

I had woken up to immediate breakfast still early but late for me— a day off of the gym is what my muscles cried and ached for, and even the scrambled tofu rice breakfast like my dad used to make with tofu instead of scrambled eggs wasn't all the way satisfying or complete without the chocolate and banana malt shake— now I shouldn't be hungry, but it wasn't hunger that was doing me in— I almost refused coffee because I wanted to go back to sleep. I had slept early enough that it shouldn't have been an issue, but I was exhausted.

Come on, you defunct dinosaur motherfucker!

97! A baby!

The reptilian hides his true identity in order to conform.

[The Festival Peoject ™ Presents]

Will Ferrell

In

“The Guru”

Wait, I Gotta go write this other thing.

Wow, Tina Fey looks great.

Worth the new email address?

It was already said and done. I could eat this fucking documentary for lunch.

–yesss.

Stephen Colbert had the middle name of an equally middle aged black man. But this was besides the point.

I was already 30-and-a-half-seconds exactly into scooping up a new email addressed when I realized–

Oh no.

Emergency brakes initiated.

If this is a documentary about Saturday Night Live–

And its on Peacock–

(And it's on Peacock)

–then there's a pretty good chance–

–and Tina Fey's in it.

-she looks incredible.

Jesus!

–then.

Fuck.

Dammit.

There's a slight chance [redacted] might just–not–be in it.

Might not be.

Hm

Well, let's see.

Worth the risk?

Worth a shot.

To the face

(or of Tequila)

I hate Tequila.

It's not for you.

It's not–

Give me that.

Goddammit.

Fu–darnint.

Goddamit

I had avoided Jimmy Fallon's face for like a year straight at least–

Call it two if you count the moment exactly from the Thanksgiving Macy's Day Parade, that one year.

THE COSMIC AVENGER

SUPRISE.

NO.

GODDAMMIT.

Does it matter that the word “surprise” here is spelled wrong?

No. It's almost like–it should be.

THE COSMIC AVENGER

FANGIRLS!

That's worse than fiddlesticks!

Worth mentioning that.

Really. All from an ad?

Two ads, i caught a snippet of the Booking.com commercial

Apparently, you did this.

STEPHEN COLBERT

YOu did THIS.

Shut up, not now Tyrone.

So he's just

He's Tyrone now.

Obviously.

Look.

No

Look at –0

Noh.

[A group of surfers sit huddled beyond the break.]

Oh. No swell.

So…so flat.

Nah…There's a wave coming. Just wait for it.

This is pathetic, man.

No, there's something. I can feel it.

It's like a fishbowl man.

Nada.

Just–wait, sharkbait!

Forget it, I'm going home.

[two surfers paddle away reluctantly]

MEANWHILE

A storm spotted just off the coast of Los angeles california may bring the entire western coast Tsunami-like waves.

[read: Tsunami]

[the bottom of the screen is issuing an emergency evacuation silently over b-roll of the red carpet]

But first

WHAT THIS UP AND COMING STARLET WORE TO THE MET GALA

Lol

Classic

{As Seen On TV}

[Enter The Multiverse}

I had developed quite the fascination with Saturday Night Live;

Not because of Jimmy Fallon, of course,

who arguably ruined the show

by creating the trend of breaking character

On camera

With his world-class smile,

and entourage

plethora of adoring female fans.

Stay away from him

Not a problem.

He's venomous.

Alright. Noted.

Liz, I have some documents for you to sign.

Documents. What documents.

*squints really hard*

I'll be right back.

First of all,

Lets just get one thing straight:

I am not a fangirl of,

Nor am I obsessed with[redacted}

Right.

Ok.

And in case you need closure, here's what I am obsessed with, here.

[the 34,000 multidimensional and extraterrestrial life forces which use [The Host of The Tonight Show] as a portal and/or vessel.]

OH.

WOW. THAT'S–

Yeah.

WOW.

How–is that a regular blacklight?

Does it look like a regular blacklight?

Nothing is regular about this.

Jesus effing..

God!

Yeah.

Wow.

YEAH.

You don't want me to shine a real blacklight on this guy–

Trust me.

OK?

Gross.

HOST1

I don't know what you're insinuating.

[squints really super extra hard]

Nothing.

L E G E N D S

So…worth it?

Worth it…Tina Fey…worth it.

Alright. I win this one.

Win what? Are you playing this dumb game too?

The prize winnings are sustaining my lifestyle.

[Tina Fey eating corn chips sustaining her lifestyle.]

Luxe.

Isn't it?

It was like staring into the sun.

[The Festival Project ™ ]

Lil bitz

Man, I use my googles sparingly.

I really do.

If I google something that's kind of iffy–

even in incognito,

Or with a VPN

I hurry up and erase my history.

I erase everything

Shit.

I erase my history faster than the white power movement.

I'm serious.

I erase my history harder and faster than a white supremasist.

“that's in your mind!”

What's in my mind?

Nothing happened here!

THOSE DAYS ARE OVER.

Why is this all in one document?

idk i just kinda suddenly noticed how NBC is so left learning it's almost too forcibly progressive.

Look, this is all just–too much for me! Okay?

Too much for you?! Oh please!

If anybody asks me anything, I'm going to admit it!

Admit what?! You don't do that! You don't admit anything!

Admit what?!

Exactly! Jesus Christ.

It's all good in practice, but when it comes down to it, i'll break.

Don't let them break you!

I'll break.

Listen to me.

I'm being violated.

Listen to me.

This is offensive!

Shut the fuck up.

I can't believe you said that!

What did I say?!

[doe eyes]

You know what. Fine. Fuck it.

[super wide eyed blank stare]

You're right. If anyone comes for you, just–run, goddammit.

What.

Run at em, for christs sakes. You gargantuan motherfucker.

I'm–not that tall.

I meant your ego.

0.0

This is a calamity.

I'm astonished you think that.

Listen, Larry.

Larry. Right.

When we're finished playing Atari, I gotta have a real heart-to-heart with you.

Heart to heart what?

[Ron produces a bleeding, beating human heart, seemingly out of nowhere; ‘LARRY' jumps back and stutters in shock and confusion]

–WOAH.

[RON emotionlessly presses a combination into the controller.]

Oh look. I win.

I–WHAT?!

You dropped your controller.

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?

Special combination: it's not a cheat code. People say it's a cheat code.

THAT'S A HUMAN HEART. YOU'RE A MURDERER.

I'm not a murderer; it's still beating, look:

That's–[crazy]--That's–put that back.

That's what I need your help for.

My help what?! With that?!

Don't be a sore loser.

[IMMORTAL COMBAT]

What?!

“Heart To Heart”

Tall tales,

and heads, then tails again

Trails and tears and trails of blood lead on thy stool

Thy path as wilted flower waits

And blue eyed gaze barely,

Hold tongues and does shatter glass hearts

and bare minds,

And bare breasts

And

peach flesh,

And

Bare bones

And

blank stares

and

Fair is fair

the frier the fire

The goal the goal

And the eye is the eye

And the eye is golden

I like fair shadows

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-U.™

[A beautiful dog enters the palace; C'esme't is pleased—actually, more thrilled.]

Now! (Yo!)

[The Dog sits at the entrance.]

Call to me.

[he speaks from the mind (telepathically) with a familiar tonal voice]

Come, sweet stranger!

[The Dog approaches]

For it is I, the King who walks as not a ghost

For yet the call has spoken that I be your loyal shadow

(it's me; the King. I've been called to watch over you)

Then? (Elaborate.)

For now I came as waked dost I as ghost and wandered, pity and pardoned by no army dared

Aghast my throne

And agape my eyes,

Wide my mouth and nostrils,

Disemboweled and yet, I did wake with my fortune

And tidings in my kingdom, a hidden realm,

For there slayed, as I wept,

The others dared to swallow,

This truth,

I, as knight and pawn doth slay the Queen,

For titled King no friend of mine;

And now, this beast as blood dost froth,

My mind does waste, but here I bark

Fortunate!

To be laid by as you, I will.

Then, creature, as you may!

For free, this I,

And coming not the time I shall l awaken,

And then, though,

Does the true challenge to bear,

The altar; the stone, the shield and the rope

From which I pull, and thee shall fight.

Marriage of souls.

To fancy this beast, betrayeth not.

For something barks as is an end

As a man does call a lover friend

And so lover-friend I am and shall be.

Lol what the fuck.

So he's a dog now.

‍♀️

wtf is going on in this show.

Idk. I'm baked.

Enter The Multiverse

L E G E N D S:

Manifest Destiny

‍♂️

Ascension: Enter the Multiverse

The titles switched.

Good idea.

So maybe I should stick with t mobile?

Idk. Mint mobile is 15 dollars a month for unlimited talk and text.

HERE AND NOW I DECREE,

THIS FEAST DOES NOURISH

ALL OUR MINDS AND HEARTS

TO FIGHT THE GOOD WAR

AGAINST ALL HE WHO SQUANDER

THE MERCY OF PEACE!

TO COURAGE!

lol you lost me.

I'm grasping at strings here.

I needs a means to an end

I need a body bag, body bag

I need a King and a dog

And a cat and an owl

And a mark and a dawn

And a knife and a gun

Call it what you want

I was not at the rock

But that's where I was going

I'm lost in Omaha

I was just on the dark

With the dark and the walkers

The king and the rabbit

The facts and the stalkers

But who sunk the boat?

Who sunk the boat

Now this is encouragement!

Acknowledgements?

Nothing yet.

Disaster strikes obvious and

No regrets

But obvious

I'm in it for the long run

And it transpired for the job done

But the waffles came out awful

And crispier than I wanted

Almost every time

So I took the iron back to target

And I know

I came out with a double album in August

But I got no promotions

So I won't walk the carpet

So I won't walk the carpet

I know I know I'm no Joan Rivers

Or Joan of ark so

I won't talk the gossip

I won't talk the gossip

I won't talk the gossip

Now, more followers

Show boat,

Throw him overboard into a rowboat

With no paddles

And horseshoes on em—

That outta show ‘em

Rondevouz

Rob us all

Noah's Ark

Don't get so lost in the story

Lost in the sory

Lost in the

LORNE MICHAELS

…you caused this.

[In a secret lab inside of 30 Rock, A group of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE alumni are trapped inside a metal box; this room has no doors and no windows and seems to be amplifying thought frequencies each of them hears uniquely, but distinctly, and very, very loudly.

This is due to the irrefutable fact that they are all gifted telepaths, due to having served time often looking into the lenses of live broadcast cameras.

it is theorized that, because of this anomaly— a strange and untraceable signal seeming to intercept all of Rockefeller Plaza's Radio antennae transmissions, it may be an unknown extraterrestrial force attempting to comminicste with 30 Rock from space.

On this day, they've been gathered and trapped here in an emergency focus group to attempt to remedy the problem.

Haha.

MAKE IT STOP.

OH MY GOD WHAT IS THST,

WHYYYYYYYYY!

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYHY!!!

Craters full of lullabies and dictionary definitions;

Tense intimate interactions, and now,

this hypertension.

I have a secret, a dirty little secret.

I didn't do it! It wasn't me!

Hmm..okay–vouch.

I'm telling you–wait–

vouch?

Yeah, I vouch.

You're vouching me?

I'm vouching you.

She's vouching me.

She vouched you.

So i'm good?

You're good.

I'm good.

You're good.

Ok.

SETH MEYERS is the best secret keeper in the entirety of the known and unknown multiverse.

The respective deities and entities within the outer realms have taken notice to this;

One of the world's greatest eve played game has become the ritualistic endeavor of tracking down this human in order to attempt to overwhelm him so that he might eventually crack or implode, or even acknowledge these sometimes outrageous events and otherworldly happenings; thus far, he has not.

As of recently, the elders of the darkest deities from the furthest outer realms and legions of Hell have been taking this game with the now very famous and successful seth meyers, a popular TV host; this has elevated the e

ntirety of the threshold for Seth's tolerance, and it appears he may soon be pushed to crack.

So why are you on the wire?

I atrophied at extravagant

Tip toed in the tip ties;

Til' then, i went there,

Now summer starts in winter

Now summer starts in winter

Now summer starts in winter

Pull the curtain back,

Then you censor this

Censor this!

I pull the curtain back, then

redact

then redact

don't react

don't react

It's an act

it's an act

Shit

I pull the curtain back then I bow;

It's a show now

Pull the curtain back then I show,

It's a showdown

Listen up,

Listen down

I super blow my flow now,

super bowl my pronouns

You can't lose if you don't pick a team

You can't win if you don't even play

I can't pay you if I don't get a paycheck

I can't work at it if it's not fame

Oh no!

I can't work at it if it's not fame.

The isms is the synthesis;

I only got one present for christmas

When you

[can]

Take that spark

and bury it in your heart,

don't remark about it–

Then, probably you're a comic

Or an alcoholic, one of the two of them

Wrong not to touch,

then

Willed you back into existence

And still it's in exigence, and

Guilty by association

Guilty by association

I just want to know what the current Tonight Show budget is for hair dye.

Also wondering why JImmy's suit is grey, but his hair isn't?

Is that a two in one?

Honest to God my only question about this man.

The rest can remain as mystery.

Act V Part II

Guilty By Association

Sometimes I Stevie Wonder what you're up to;

I can't see you but I know you're in my aura

Sometimes I Richard Pryor while you're on my mind;

I guess you could say you set my soul on fire

My, my my

Look what time it is

I've only just begun to know you;

Then I had to die
So turn the light off

My eye

Turn the light off for awhile

And follow me to darkness

Follow me

To the other side.

It's not true, but it'll do

I might have lost you somewhere

Better off to leave you somewhere sure;

If it's not pure

And how could it be

When only the light hits the snow

And bounces off

The warmth is an illusion,

And your love is just a dream

And anyway, anyway

There's nothing i've ever been surer of

Than the definite end,

The enter and exit

And when planets align,

Only to fall completely out of orbit

Now what was this for again

Foreigner, object identified and destroyed

it's destructive qualities,

Tentative in a nature

Sure, pressure–

Resentment,

Intense good moments of pleasure,

Then signals sent

Completely by accident.

-Now that i've been thinking lately of Bill Murray

And my formerly imaginary friend Riff Raff,

Now i'm sure that

There may be some telepathy involved

Which means I should probably just–

Go somewhere else now.

Should I be sorry for my thoughts?

I'd rather not,

But still

YO.

Yo dude, what the fuck.

I'VE BEEN STUCK IN THIS MOVIE FOR LIKE A YEAR.

That's not that long…

IT'S A LONG TIME TO BE IN A MOVIE.

Please don't tear me to pieces;

Don't blow the balloon up,

No foul ball,

No side eye

No fowl play

And dinner is

as cold as it gets

But dinner does warm

In the aluminum foil,

But all out of order,

The border patrol is just

Digging for details

Digging for details.

And it's this:

You don't know what it is,

Until you get into it,

And it sets into you

The only way it can

When it's in you.

Are you paying attention to this?

Or can I just end it?

Boston accents or what,

And now i really think

It's just inside my head

It's just inside my head and

This is getting weird.

All of a sudden,

I'm oh wonder and I love it

And

Sara Silverman has

The prettiest brown eyes

I've ever seen

(on a celebrity)

((with whom I share a gender))

Aha.

Okay,

Sabrina Carpenter has a very pretty voice

But that doesn't make me

Any less jealous

Or any less capable of explosion

Disarm me

I'm catching up on the specials I missed

Being special I guess

With no grocery subscription

Aim low,

Get high, I guess

Rob Lowe,

Build time, I guess

I miss the old announcer,

And the golden years

I miss the former times

And the mouse ears

I learned my less

I might got

Kim K and TSwift

Pointer Finger

Could hold a tune to you,

Who

The joys of live theatre,

And the catastrophe of the Impenetrable

Boy oh boy

is Television getting heavy

Turn up the ridiculousness and

Atrocious

Atrocities

and Acidophilus

Anorexic,

I wish i could digest this

–and expand my vocabulary

I wish I was better than I am

So i could be

Capable

Can Kim Kardashian ever not just be

Naturally beautiful at everything

Doing everything

Kim The J

I can't sing in this apartment

And it might actually kill me

The devil lives next door on both sides

I'm in a satan sandwich

I guess

I'm just

Not free

I must have fucked up last lifetime

I must have fucked up last lifetime

I might have looked just like her

I want to get upstaged by Eddie Murphy

More corpse suits!

Pink lipstick!

Slap the desk

Check the camera

Front loading!

Front loading!

I want a chance at humbling

white america

(just kidding)

I want a wig that looks like an afro

(cause I don't have one)

I want Lorne Michaels to shame me into beng better

By making me feel mediocre first

So I hit the high bar

When I hit the body bag

I hit the body bag

When I hit the high road

With Letterman

YOU STOLE MY BODY TO GO TO A BLACK TIE FUNCTION!?

Yeah.

Well–which one?

Okay, you're gonna get a kick out of this.

I'm giddy for physical comedy

THIS IS MY MANIFEST DESTINY

MY MANIFEST DESTINY

AHHHHHHHH

MY MANIFEST DESTINAAAAAAA

Comedy comes in all forms

And God comes in all Karma

I brace myself for repeating my mantras

I light candles

But don't blow them out

I just might get my wish

DO NOT RESIST.

I AM RESISTING THIS ARREST.

Oh yeah.

YES.

Shoot him.

NO, DON'T.

SHOOT HIM, BILLY BOB, SHOOT ‘EM.

Crocodile hunter

turned hard-up cop

Read him his rights!

He ain't white enough.

So she's perfect!

Me? I've been taken in

I can't stand to stamp

I can't christmas,

Backwards

And backwash

And sanford and sons

And Whatever

And…

Ego might eat me

like Eggos

Like Hannibal Burress was holding

At the market

I left my Ego at the door

But there's just no room for the both

For the both of us

I KNOW

I'll just write her a hit show!

What.

YES.

THEN,

SHE'LL LEAVE SNL,

AND THEN I'LL BE THE BLACK GIRL ON THE SHOW

MWAAHAHAHAHAHA

Ok. wtf happened to that girl?

SUNNI BLU

[kicking and screaming]

I TOLD YOU I'M NOT GOING ON FA–

—-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

So many beautiful people, or, rather

The actors,

Or should I say

Vortex

Then.

Too many beautiful people

I spent the whole night warm and holed up in the office

What could come out of The Rock

I don't know where to look

I'm not used to the audience

Duh, that.

I'm a professional audience member

But i don't remember the ending

Anybody?

Anybody?

Any envy actor actress?

BPM: Dosage

Anxiety Remix

Honestly fuck the comed circut

I just want to know what it's like to have a body

What's it like to have a body?

I'm just a collective consciousness robot

Adapting to my environment

I can't sing in this apartment!

I'm in a Satan Sandwich

And would be

The God in the middle

If God didn't find this

Absolutely hilarious

So I'm on 24 hours;

You're on Saturday Nights,

But i'm on 24

I broke my

Don't-look up-folks rule on Brittney Howard

Cause I think i'm just like her
But more of a coward.

You're on Saturday Night Live

But i'm on 24 Hours

It hurts longer

And stronger

Every moment I'm gone

And still not a mom

I wish I could change my eyes

The color of the world

Before it all ends

Earth gone

And oceans of mud

No tide

And no moon

(The Earth without the Sun)

I don't want to know you

I don't want to owe you a lesson.

I don't want to go there.

I don't want no dance numbers.

I don't want no GOATS here.

No goats here.

I don't get it,

Mass Media–

Is this flattery, or

Deception?

Humiliation?

Based in perception,

I see, so

Is this recognition or

Did I just send Dillon Francis my script in the beginning?

No answer, by God.

What an asshole

What if Alienz

Don't like lesbians.

What is trance is just

bad dance music.

That's…

What if edifice breaks for a daily regimen of Letterman?

What if

RUN, FALLON, RUN!

I'M ATTACHED TO A KITE I HAVE NO CONTROL OF THIS.

WELL, WHAT IS IT ATTACHED TO?!

YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW!

—NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONON

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Look, It's Meryl Streep!

Holy shit, Meryl Streep is hot.

What.

(I can't keep secrets>)

God doesn't keep good secrets.

Just stop talking.

Look,

It's

“My Bad Chad”

Holyfuck

Are you gonna have all those burned off too?

Or can I do it for you?

(might cost less)

Jk Kim K

That's a tough act to follow.

Ariana?

Nah,

Backup;

Had that.

Meanwhile:

Me in a hatchback

Campin' at the Palisades.

My name's the hammer

–Adam ruins everything–

I am not goin' starstruck

–Adam Ruins Everything–

My name's the Hammer

(I'm a hammer, damn)

–Adam Ruins Everything–

I love showbiz

But I got hard work comin on

Now pause::

I need a break

Need to make money

Now i get a two for one

Two for one

Hate me or love me

Either way,

I'm gonna show up,

Blow up,

Glow up,

And fuck off

I'm a lost cause

Cause I lost God

On a talk show

The way the camera moves makes me nauseous

virtual reality

And everybody's mad at me for

Jimmy Fallon's Galaxy

Conan “snowball” O'Brien

But why's he called that.

Shh! Not Yet.

Oh, you are so overdone and fucked right now!

Shh! My mom might be listening.

Like she's never heard the word ‘fuck'?

Shhhh!

MOM

I heard that!

See!

She said she heard it; she didn't say stop it.

Well stop it.

Fuck me man!

SHH.

KNOCK IT OFF.

Yes Mrs. Mason

Who the fuck is Mrs. Mason.

Come on, white america;

Put me on late night

I promise you

I'll watch more hallmark artists

Than all of them

Every day over here is a suit and tie function

Camera one?

YOU DONE FUCKED WITH US FOR THE LAST TIME.

Ah shit.

lol . whart is thrus.

Fucking–magicians or something. Freemasons.

F–

Alright. Where is he?

Where is who?

You know who!

What?

Donaghey!!!!!!!!

Lol Alec Baldin is like 200 years old.

*cackles too hard, falls over and dies*

Yikes.

JACK DONAGHEY enters from a Parallel dimension and sees ALEC BALDWIN'S CORPSE.

…Huh. Who's this handsome son of a bitch, I wonder.

Don't wonder too hard. We gotta find that court order and get out of here.

What court order

[Cort hors d'oeuvres]

what.

I don't know. It almost kind of rhymed with corpse and wonder and I'm still stuck writing in cadences.

What for!

Oh wow, the neighbor was really a plant forreal.

STOP SLAMMIN THAT

Yo fuck this.

Waht the fuck am I supposed to do with all this information.

[appearing entirely out of nowhere, as always.]

JIMMY FALLON

I told you to burn it.

OH MY FUCKING JESUS CHRIST.

STOP DOING THAT.

I can't. That's–

Apparently what I do.

WELL GET OUT OF HERE.

Wish I could. Strapped to a kite.

THEN HOW ARE YOU STANDING HERE?

WHAT?

I'm learning a lot of things up there!

UP–WHERE!

Up yours.

WHAT.

*poofs*

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I hate him.

I HATE HIM.

I HATE HIM.

I hate this.

TINA FEY

Fuckit, he hates himself.

Lets just assume.

No, that's it. That's the singularity.

What.

It can't–

He's just so confi—

That's the singularity.

[everything ploofs back to normal]

See. I win.

FUCK.

ARE YOU SERIOUS!?

I'M YOUNG AGAIN.

i”M YOUNG AGAIN.

[The entire cast stares at their returned to period-accurately aged cast mate; He appears so confident and wise, however–just a glint of insecurity falls over him–this indeed was the singularity; rather than to risk all of time and space defrabicating for a third and albeit final time, they rain down on their castmate, with the angry hellfire of a gregorian mob, urging him to

GO LOVE YOURSELF.

Long Night at work, or just

Shoo fly, don't bother me–

I'm more caught up on the Rudolph Storyline,

How it's some mystic

But I missed it

With the lip stick

And the vintage this and thats

Person

Welcome to Hogwarts,

Of course,

It's your funeral

God bless the illuminati

All I see is–

NOT IT.

IT WASN'T ME. I DIDN'T DO IT.

JLO

BITCH, STOP TALKING.

Woah, What the FUCK JLO.

JLO

WHAT IN THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY?

I–wh–

Wait…

Fallon?

SHHHHThhHHHTHhhTHHHH!!

Give me one bet

Died inside

Who's doing which thing

God bless these envies!

Gie me one shot

Now who am I?
Ace in the hole?

I died inside.

Don't break the barrier

Don't run the wall

Don't be the villain

Fall, JImmy,

Fall.

To float, or to fall

Or to walk away

To shop at the mall

Or to bet it all on

Fall on

And I tell you to jump,

you jump!

And I tell you to move,

You move!

And I tell you to movie,

You movie!

And I show you the blue

OH GOD.

Gimmie the binoculars!

No, you don't wanna see

What! Why not!

HE MOONED ME.

I got three of a kind

Three of a kind

Three of hearts

Two of diamonds

HAH. I DOn'T LiKE THIS.

Fuck off, The Ace.

And very kindly,

Go fuck yourself.

Four aces,

Four aces

A mindfuck for the both of us

An open book

And shotglasses

And fans of ours

Its good to laugh

At the ones you love

Love

Love

Love

Love

It's showbiz,

It's showbiz;

I love it

I want to die.

I love it

I love it

I missed the bar

I fucked up somewhere.

Don't look back in anger,

Or don't look back at al.

Fall, Fall,

Fall

Fall

Fall

Love

Love

Love

Love

Love

Love

Did you notice I haven't looked back.

I put you up on a–

Up on a

Up on a pedestal

Then remembered

To forget it all,

In indifference

Foraged your signature

Sorry, I don't want a lot of

hawk-a-loogie

clock-the-woman

knockdown, dragout drama

I got a feel for it.

What if all your forfeitures

were fortunes

All your donuts turned subordinates

To astronauts

Or fake dreams

for fak streams

and dreaming of

Don't bother me

I'm on poverty

I want walks on the beach

and blue bunny ice cream sundaes

I've got a whole city

Marked off in my journal

For frozen custard

and

Lost in a thought, are we?

Trust me, I think I died.

Trust me, I trusted the God of Mercy

Trust me I went all the way to the burden,

Bought a hammock

And then worked harder than nobody

No dropped calls from mother

No one's home at all

Work harder

I thought Sweater Weather was my new DJ name,

But as it turns out,

It was my telepathy ringing me

I rode to the top of the rock with the beatles
I didn't mean for it to be me

But i was twice out of body,

Once out of mind.

Now give me a minute

Please.

Let me become indifferent

Don't need no friends,

Long roads

Roundhouse kicks to the face

Hard rolling baggage

Heart shaped boxes

Or Prophets

Don't need dozens of roses

don't need diamonds

Do need dinosaurs
Do need phone numbers

do

Do

do .

–but don't–

don't

don't.

When i fall in

line

I write books and poems,

songs

And suffer,

slugger .

This is what I struggled with–

who paid the neighbor bitch

to feed me the whole special

And slam doors

On my mental

That shit struck a chord

And rubbed me the wrong way

But i'm humble

I won't touch nobody's

Body at all.

Nobody's.

Now my dreams make sense, kind of

But why are these my dreams

And not actual people

and most of all

What does it mean?

That I'm equal to?

Or lesser than?

Like the emerald stone on Sir Paul McCartney's hand,

I went green for a moment

It's just banter.
I'm just having a hard time

(I can't sing in this apartment)
I might need a band

I might need a bandaid.

I might need a bath

Some peroxide and hair dye

My heart's broken

I'm having a hard time

But still not struggling

I might have a hard time

But not as hard as the afterparty was,

And I struck gold.

Kept walking

Roll dice.

Four of a kind,

Four kings, four aces

Four of a kind,

Four kites,

And a night owl

The Rock and the Kite,

Part V

STEFON

It's this thing where…

{Enter The Multiverse}

–and that's why I wished my mom a happy birthday.

[The Festival Project ™ ]

Damn, the illuminati really showed out for the oscars this year.

CONAN

SHHHH.

He even says

“I Am”

Then commands the stage

Look at all those long legs

Now we're on enclave

or conclave?

I don't know.

I'm feeling more ravey.

Tears of a Clown

Nobody to save me

Not even shug avery.

Who?

That's right?

Now i'm feeling more Broadway, baby.

L E G E N D S:

Manifest Destiny

I wanna see the snake sitting next to you;

Show me those eyes

I love models

and the lack thereof

Inside of them

I want to see the feral reptile

Show me those eyes
I love that she flies through life

Right to you

Right

It's a boys club

Boy they

Really prize these

Chappel Roans and

Timothee Chalemet

But where am I at?

–Adam Ruins Everything–

A couple forced fake laughs

Cause I like highlights

Stagecrafts

Craftservices

And god knows

I can't write like this

And I'm

About

To die

[CONAN O'BRIEN leaves television to run a Bed and Breakfast in ORLANDO.]

INT. BED AND BREAKFAST. ORLANDO.

…

[Calamity ensues]

Conan killed the oscars,

Stole the wand,

The show

and the bowtie

(hostses with the mostest)

–and that's why he's Snowball.

No, i'm sure it's because my fur is fluffy and–

Okay no more outdated rick and morty references

Fine.

Was that Dillon Francis behind Ben Stiller

Or do I still just like white guys

That much.

Why do A-Listers like reptiles so much?

Show me those eyes, you know

I could use a good lunch

(Birds of Prey eat snakes)

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-U.™

Episode Transcript:

Yeah. Okay, this is terrifying. I haven't actually done this in it feels like way longer than it's been. In reality, it's only been like three like maybe three days, but it makes all the difference in the world. Hi. what's going on, I was just reminiscing about kitten mittens. Aw shit. I dropped my pen. If you remember if you're listening to this right now and you remember kittenman. congratulations, you've been with me since the beginning. um anyway, I don't know why I was just remembering that. kitten mittens. I thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world. I really I might have been delirious. losing my mind at a certain point, but I thought kittens was the best thing in the world. It was at the time. I was like I couldn't think of anything better. Then again, I was uh I don't know, I was discovering many hilarities. excuse the idiots in the back, they are idiots. um and they and they do this based on whatever I'm doing in my apartment. I'm their god. Anyway. I'm excused the background noise is still gonna be a a little bit uh while we're dealing with that, but at least you can help me collectively consciously remove them from existence entirely, um with the help of you know a collective existence we can get rid of evil. I don't I don't entirely. I'm not sure. I think that it would take a lot of people to understand that like a lot of it is just a game. I think it would take raising the entire consciousness of like people as a whole for them to understand that like, most of it is for entertainment and based off perceptions. So, like, whatever you' idea for the world is, like it was your idea. Whatever's making you upset is it was your idea. So I'm kind of coming to like terms with that in my own, like sense. I'm like, oh, yeah, like, whatever is happening, I'm like a certain like at the surface level is wrong, but like on a grander scale, like I programmed this into my reality for whatever purpose in order to better suit my, like ideal reality. That's, you know, that's that's it. I can't attribute it to anything else. They're idiots, cause I'm idiots. Anyway, what else is going on? I don't know, I was I'm gonna try and do this off book. I think I do have like I have some notes, but like I don't like the way that it feels when I'm going off of my notebook because it feels like robotic. It feels really, you know, like and not necessarily rehearsed, but it's it feels planned and when I listen back to the episodes where I do go off of like notes or something like that, I don't like the way that it sounds. Hearing myself back, going from a going going from like a script. And so I try to keep it like 100% improvisational and it keeps it fresh. and honestly, honesty goodness, I haven't been on the Peloton for like more than 15 minutes at a time since I stopped doing these episodes. I don't know what it is about the sound of my own voice, but maybe it's the fact that like, I'm in performance mode and I'm giving you guys like I'm in, you know, I'm like in my radio voice and then I'm watching back like a performance of myself in order to like, I don't know. It's like it's like experiencing myself for the first time secondhandedly because I'm not necessarily not thinking about what I'm saying, but I'm also not thinking about what what I'm saying or how I'm saying it as I'm saying it. And then, you know, sometimes I just really like even on my hardest days, sometimes I make myself laugh the very most, and I'm like, okay, there's another reason to keep doing it. Because for the most part, I'm like I don't wanna do this anymore, it costs me too much money and it's not. Like, I'm not a clut person. I'm just not a clout guy. I don't like doing stuff for clout, cause clout doesn't pay the bills and clout doesn't clout doesn't necessarily get you jobs, like unless it's like the right person's clout. Like, you get have clout from a million people, and if none of those million people are the well, a million is kind of where they drive line. Like if a million people are like, yeah, this is the shit, then it might get you a job. But like a million is probably the minimum number for that. Like if you don't have a million followers or you don't have a million views or you don't have a million of anything of just like clout like it doesn't pay bills. So I'm not a cloud person. I'm not just gonna do whatever off clout. What did I get off that on that clot rat for? I don't know, what was I saying? Oh, I'm going off book. I'm off. script. Anyway. what can I remember from things that I wrote down?, I don't know. I've been reading a lot. I've been, you know, doing doing the best that I can. I've been well, I've been reading. I've been reading children's books specifically because I'm finding information. Well, first of all, I picked up these children's books with the hope that I would be the owner of a small library and I'm not. I'm actually putting a lot of the books back into like society, which is fine. I'm just downsizing. It's actually helping me feel a lot better. Like my head is a lot clearer, my studio. My studio for for the first time in a long time was like a place that I can that I feel like I want to work. and it was the weirdest thing because I went through like a year of just like collecting whatever book I saw, like whether it was just like on a stoop, like I, you know, for whatever or out of the little free library or like just wherever, because books are everywhere in New York and that's probably my favorite thing hands down about New York is that like wherever you go there are books and they're free and you can pick them up. But I'm also very sensitive to energy, so as like an energy worker and a transmuter, it became congested to the point where it's like, okay, there is like a certain type of energy that's not that's foreign to me and as much cleansing and as much like, you know, whatever, as much, you know, in any kind of, you know, like spiritual work I was doing, there's an energy here that I'm not necessarily comfortable with. And I realized every time I picked up a book, I fell into like a certain type of world, you know, and it wasn't just like whether the book caught my attention from just like the cover or whatever, and then I decided to flip through it or whether it was like a book that I was stuck in, I was falling until like a certain energy or a certain world and that every book had a certain energy to it. And so I realized after a year of collecting hundreds of books that I had literally hundreds of energies, like floating through my space and it became like hectic and it became heavy to the point where I was like, like, I don't necessarily want to hold on to all these things. and so it's it's been really rejuvenating. I've been going through a time of just like not necessarily like I know I have a lot of stuff to do. but one of the stuff to do is is like going through all of the things that I know that I need to like let go of in order to feel better. And it has been helping me feel better. It has for the most part, I'm still doing a lot with like my energy recovery and the noise here has a lot to do with it. I'm now like I now have anxiety to the point where I have like a consistent nauseum. like every time I hear like any kind of motor, like I get sick and now it's it's actually getting worse the longer that I've stayed here with the noise, it's like I now have like an upset stomach all the time, headaches twitches. It's the it's the most fucked up thing ever. and I've also been learning more about because I'm, you know, still still really focused in my music and so frequencies and, you know, like I've always been like a huge believer and like layered frequencies for healing, like sound healing, beta thick alpha, and and the whatnot, but I finally caught onto a piece of information that made me realize how the noise outside has affected my brain chemistry and not just in the way that it's like it's annoying or it's a nuisance or it's harassment, which it is all of those things, according to the law, but in a sense of what's happening to my brain chemically, like the chemical changes that are happening in my brain, or the frequency changes that are happening in my brain are actually the things that are making me more upset than loss of sleep, or, you know, like a disruption or disorganization of my mind or my daily habits. The thing that's making me the most upset is what I'm realizing is it's changing my frequency, and I'm not talking about just my my aura I well, I am in a sense, but like the frequency, the frequency differences that that your brain your brain goes into different frequencies during, you know, waking state, alha state, better state, you know, and when you're sleeping, you're in um I well, it depends on the person actually, and it depends on the type of sleep that you're getting. Like most people sleep and like a data state from what I'm understanding and this is the state of like conscious dreaming. And this is this, I could be incorrect because honestly, I layer them anyway. And I finally I finally did it. I I did. I' I was working on a song and I realized that I achieved like perfect theta without actually even meaning to. And I think I did another one and that was like in perfect gamma without even like it was just mixed perfectly. that it I was also listening to like a gamatone and then I realized I was like, wait, is that the song or is it the tone? Because, you know, if the if the frequency that you're listening to is pure enough, it will actually distort the bass or the, you know, it will distort the entire sound of whatever you're listening to. So sometimes things can sound warped or like they're waving or like they're going through something because those tones are kind of like they're they're moving against each other or with each other just kind of depends. And so what what has been, well, I wanted to finish, well, yeah, I think I have at least one song now that's in theta, and I have at least one song that's in gamma, completely. and and I and I shocked myself because I was listening to the tones and I was like, wait, the wait a second. like, I'm feeling like double here. Is this this song that I'm listening to, that I'm checking back the mix, or is this the the frequencies? And I I turned off all the frequencies and sure enough, it was the song. It was like a pure I was like, wow. I'm like that's an achievement. I did it completely by accident and I wish I knew the formula that I used to do that.c some people are so mathematic about it. Like some people are so uh like, you know, some people do this to their music. A lot of people, especially inass music, that's why it is the way that it is, is you're going to a show to get these frequencies like zapped into your body at at full forces. and some people know how to do it on purpose. I did it on accident, so I'm like, if I can continue to achieve at this but I'm trying to figure out like the mathematical equation or like the actual sonic equation for making this happen, like every time, because going through my history ofass music, I will finish in a second, going through my history of bass music, I have always gravitated to the to these frequencies, to the frequencies that make me feel better after a certain amount of time listening to them or a certain amount of time being in in that frequency. So that's this is the music that has, I guess subconsciously kind of for the kind of artist that I am. But this is the reason why I'm upset about the noise. like the most upset about it, like not even on a legal level, on a social level, on a moral level, like, no, this is actually morally wrong, it is morally wrong on so many fucking levels. I'm like, why are you so like, why obviously I did this on purpose, like in my God complex, I'm like, oh, well, I can better the community as long as I make a point, like that environmentally, this is damaging people. It's giving people mental illness, that it or like if they're predisposed to mental illness, it's even worse, but it's it's also like causing mental illness and people that are otherwise healthy people, which is not a lot of people in New York City given. It's just not. It's not a healthy place. A lot of people are not healthy. But even in like moderately healthy humans, this noise disruption can cause like brain changes and chemistry changes, and this is the reason why I'm so upset is because when you are sleeping, if you are sleeping, your brain is in a certain level that is like in a healing state. In the first few minutes that you wake up, as I understand it. In the first few minutes after you wake up, your brain is in a state that it can like that you can manipulate your entire environment, that you can change things, that you can heal yourself. And so when I'm waking up in the first few minutes in the very first thing that I hear is a motorcycle that's ripping through my fucking brain, it's changing my brain frequency from a frequency that is like at the at the at a human level or at any kind of level, kind of the the thing that makes every human capable of being a genius, not the genius level able to heal yourself and the frequency that you're able to heal yourself is what you automatically wake up in. So when you' when this frequency is interrupted, it's intercepted in immediately into a negative thought pattern. And so you immediately, so what's happening, what's been happening to me over the last year with the motorcycle nuisance harassment problem or whatever the fuck I don't care what it's called on paper. I just want it to stop like I just want to live in peace. It's not like and kind of having like coming from a a background where I kind of tend to have like take responsibility for myself, like oh, it must be something that I'm doing and yes, I also have like a higher god complex or like an ego if you want to call it, that's like, oh no, I must have done this on purpose. And you know, like in order for the greater good, like in order to fulfill my purpose in some sort of way, it must be it must be part of my process to have this. That's also my ego like I'm a god. like, you know, that's just me, that's the generation. That's the generation that I come from. That's our mindset. Like nothing happens in this world without me in it, period. That's why rappers are rappers and that's why that's why models are models. We all have egos and it's really hard to kill the bitch. I've had at least ten ego dusts throughout my fucking like existence and it still comes back. It doesn't matter. You can have an ego death and be like a completely ego list for like what, six months tops? Eventually you're gonna have like the ego is is is imp important to survival, because I lost the word. I think implemental what was I gonna use? I was definitely a for syllable word. Either way, it is you need it. Like if you if you oh, you know, people might describe people, like being in like a in a sense of humility as like, oh, just completely without ego, but like at the end of the day, like, no, like your ego allows you to actually like compensate with the rest of the world, like, most people do not have no ego entirely, or at least for like, like a week after your acid tri or whatever, yeah, like, oh, had ego death and I completely. But like within I swear to God, like within six months time, like your ego has at least minimally like repaired itself. That's what an ego does, that's why you have it. You have it. It's a survival. It's it's a part of your consciousness that has to do with survival if you don't have your ego, like you're pretty much dead in the world, especially the way it is now. Anyway, this is that that's going to probably close up my spiel on that. Yeah, I'm upset because instead of like the first few moments of my waking moments being a healing, time, it is immediately going into disarray and chaos and anxiety. And so in in so I'm losing like, I don't I don't really care about oh, I mean, like I care about life in a sense, but I mean, like, and it in a mortal sense. I like, yes, it's taking years off of me. and I feel it like in the way that it's like, I I am slower to do regular things or like, whatever my rising thoughts, might be are completely just destroyed by this like what I've what I've come to perceive is like an evil force. It is evil in so many levels again this breaks down from like a higher consciousness to like a lower state of consciousness. The lower state of consciousness is saying that like these people are just idiots. They're idiots and they are not self aware of the fucking like pollution that they're doing on kind of middle sense, I'm like, oh, it's politics, it's like gentrification if these guys run around in circles, then people call up the fucking place, the place gets fucking more allocated funds to their fucking police officers, the police officers have fucking filling their quotas. It's all bureaucracy and paperwork and politics on that middle level and on the highest level it is like no, this is evil, it's pure evil because people are so grossed out by the fact that fucking New York is New York and also the wage and income and quality factor is that this guy is doing whatever the fuck he has to do brown. He's doing well, not that guy. that guy's that guy's a weak dick motherfucker. He has a small dick and everybody in the neighborhood knows it. He drives around and circle making people miserable. He also I'm it's the same dude. that same dude followed me to the Trader Joe's. It's the same dude, so I'm like, I like I know the sound of his bike from anything, so I definitely know when I'm at the Trader Joe's and then he's like all of a sudden traffic like, I'm like yo dude like why the fuck you following me to Trader Joe's like I live four miles away, which is not that far on the fucking motorcycle, but I came all the way over here on the subway for you to follow me on your bike. week, dick, bro.way, like, fuck this, fuck this, fuck that guy, fuck this neighborhood, fuck this place, fuck these politics, fuck these people. On a low frequency. Like on a low frequency, I'm like, fuck all this, like on a high frequency, I'm like, there's a purpose or whatever, it'll work, is temporary, blah, blah, blah. What the fuck was I saying? I don't know. I what the fuck was I ranting? I don't know. I that's that shiel, right? Trader Joe, hello Trader Joe. It's not safe. No, but you know, oh man, let's you say I, whatever. Let's just say oh, whatever. a lot. What else do we got? I don't know. I put on an album that came out today, yay, it's called all the rage. Actually, all that all that gripe about like, oh, it's an EP when I'm sure that the stores are gonna call it an album. I was like, I'm sure it's gonna be an album, so I just started calling it an album. like the release comes out and they're like, it's an EP, you congratulations. So I I thought I was putting out an album, that I was an EP, but it just missed the cutoff her album, because technically you can have a six track album and if it's over 30 minutes. If and you can have a six track album that's an EP like this, all the range is technically an EP at least according to Spotify's standards. And it's, I think it's like two and a half minutes under I think it's like 2 and a half minutes under, so it's an EP, but it's six tracks and I'm really excited about it. I kind of put a little bit more promotion into it than usual. I even had some press done, and that's great. because you can get pressed done. They're like,Yo, for $500. You'll be famous tomorrow. I'm like, that fucked up. That's a paycheck for some people. and that's not famous. also. They're charging people to be like spectacular. Well, they're charging they're like charging for people to be like popular, which is I think it's wrong, like ethically, you shouldn't be able to do that, like, oh, no, you're gonna get on all the playlists and whatever, you're gonna have like all like you should not be able to sell followers, like whether they're real people, which is slavery or they're robots, which is also slavery. Like you should not be able to sell fame that's making it like now I don't even trust like, okay, like this person got an award, but like, okay, because because the album was popular, because it was better than all the other ones. Or like, how do you know that you even heard all the albums because there are so many, and that like, okay, this person who put like zero dollars into promotion, how do you know that album wasn't better? because you didn't hear it? Because the person with a million dollar ad campaign won the fucking won the fucking award? Because you heard it because they put a million dollars into the fucking promotions. So it makes it makes everything the fact that everything is on a level system that's based on money is completely unfair. Like the all the industries are broken, it's not just music. Like, it's not just music. I'm like, holy shit, like you could spend like a year, an average year salary, which is what's the median income now. even with like no adjustment for inflation, like what, $50,000? Okay. So you could spend $50,000 on your your career so you'd have to you'd have to do that. That's even you're still competing with people who have a million dollars for doing nothing. That's insane. Anyway, I'm not bitter. What the fuck did I do earlier that I wasn't that literally the spirit that was like, don't be salty. I was like, oh, I was like,Yo, stop teaching models to fucking DJ, because I I happened on this girl that was like, yo, like I actually liked some of her music. I liked some of her music, but she wasn't doing much. And like everything was just fake. It was like super duper fake, but she was mad gorgeous and like more of these girls are popping up out of nowhere that are like not they're like models that are barely touching the decks and they're like a march. I'm like yo, dude, if that girl made this music like okay, maybe I should see her, but like, I'm like no somebody goes produce this because like she's moving badly in time to it and I realized something about being a producer is like yo if you spent enough time actually crafting this like this piece, you're not gonna move like badly to it like you're not going to move weird to music that you made because it's in you like it came from in your body. So like, I was like, I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at and I'm like, oh, I'm looking at propaganda. But then like, isn't that just kind of like discouraging people who don't have that type of body type or mindset, but it was funny because the algorithm was like don't be salty. It was like DJing is for everybody and if that's your passion and I'm like yeah, if that's your passion, but like, yo, when what where is the line between like propaganda and passion? Like, oh, I'm already a successful like, multimillionaire fashion model, but like I'm gonna be a DJ, like it washes out all the people who have actually like put in the work. It washes out all the people who have actually put in the work. Don't be salty. I was like fine, fine, but only because I like that algorithm. Only because I like that algorithm. I'm like fine, okay, we'll we'll be whatever. Whatever I've been reading. Oh, I read a book, let's see, let's see if I can remember the ones I already put back. I've been reading these uh this like children's book series on like famous people because I realized that they're written for children and I'm like, yo, dude, like somebody could read this whole series in the second grade and be smarter than me because I didn't know anything about the people that I'm reading about at all. And so they're like these little biographies. Well, I mean, they they're on a child's level. I don't know how long it would take a child to read, but they take me like an hour, hour and a half to read just like at a normal speed. And I read really fast. But I think the reason why from taking me so long to read them is because I actually take like a lot of I take a lot of like, I don't know, words or art to me, so if something is like especially musical, I might take it and be like that's a good song title. Like, if I think enough about this and what I know about this, like what kind of song is it? And, you know, just like little fun facts. Like first of all, I'm obsessed with George Lucas. I've never been a huge Star Wars person, just and I I realizing this. I've never been being on like Star Wars wicked. like, I've never been being on things that are like really, really big, but then I did grow up and kind of like a sheltered shut community where like most of the people like twilight, I wasn't hungerames, aylys Cyrus, well Hannah Montana at the time, okay? I just wasn't into those things, but most mostly because they're fans, actually, she just put out something that I kind of piqued my interest. It was in my fucking sl side bar. I was like, oh, no, what's this? I'm I might check it out. But I've been staying off the mainstream just cause I'm realizing like the reason that I'm seeing this is money and doesn't necessarily make it better or worse than anybody else. Because sometimes mainstream artists come out with crap and I think they do it on purpose, they're like,Yo, watch this. I can do whatever because so many millions of people love me, watch this. I'm like, damn. And then millions of people are like, yay, yes, yes, this. I'm like, the fuck? What did you do? And I'm pretty sure the mainstream artist is like consciously, even collectively like, you see what I'm saying? I can do whatever the fuck.c I did one thing cool, maybe like five things cool, like a long time ago, and literally don't have to do anything else. I just do this just to prove a poil. Like, I can shit on a track, literally. And millions of people will be like, I love you. I love you, please more of those. do it again. I'm like, oh, God, please, no. What the fuck? Millions of fans. Like once you have your fucking fan based unlock, like that's it. Like, you don't have to fucking people will be like, literally kissing at all of the ground that you touch for the rest of forever forever. That's it. I'm realizing that about fantom, so I'm like, yo, if you know what kitten mittens are. I'd still don't, but if you if you know kitten mittens, congrats, you're one of 12 people who actually like me. one of 12. I'm like 12 is enough. That's what Jesus had, right? might as well and Jesus technically have like 11 I don't know why I like that guy so much. I'm pretty much obsessed with him, too. I love Jesus. I'm like, Jesus is the god kind of I mean, like he's technically like three gods. anyway, why am I obsessed with uh George Lucas? First of all, he's one of the coolest people ever, Kate, like, okay, first he was a greaser, like a real greaser. like from the movie Grease, but like the actual thing before the movie Grease, cause if I if I'm not mistaken, he was like a greaser before they made Grease. That's crazy. Yeah, because Gre was like in the 70s, but it was about the 50s, right? I don't know. He was like an actual real life, like they just put Vaseline, I guess in their hair and wore like dirty shit and they were like, yeaheah, greaser. and they w and they fucking drove and they drove, what did they drive? I don't know, cars, old cars, and they would race them. I that was honestly I'm obsessed with this dude. I and now I kind of want to see Star Wars because I've never seen them. But honestly Star Wars is one of those things that, oh, that's what I was saying. God, yeah, well, yeah, I like grew up not liking Star Wars because all the people that liked it were mean. Like all those other things I named earlier in the episode. Like they're fans sucked, so I was like, I definitely cannot see myself getting into this. And so I never did, but now I'm well, as happy as I am being single. I save certain things for like just a case. I ever get in a relationship. I'm like Star Wars. I've never seen that. Like I saved certain things for like you know, like I wouldn't necessarily want to watch it by myself. I think I'd get geeked, though, now, now that I understand, like the kind of person that created Star Wars, I'm like, yo, dude, like he's the shit. Like, okay, first of all, okay, if I did the math, secondly, no, cause the first of all thing was like, he's a greaser. That's the coolest thing about George Lucas. Yeah. I mean, like I mean, like there was so many cool things. I had to take notes, I had to stop. I was like bending back pages, I was like, all this dude's the best. Okay. I was like,Yo, okay, whatever. Like, uh, oh, well, that was one of the last things I read. If I did the math right, this dude has like a 12 year old. He's older than my dad. My dad's pushing 80. I'm like, is he 80? He's like 80 with a 12 year old. That's incredible. That's I have so much respected admiration for that. Because it kind of proves my point that like if you're dude, you can just like keep on popping them out, popping them out. But he also like adopted kids, I think. Yeah, yeah. And he also like adopted kids. was at him? Yeah. Yo, I'm telling you there's so much practice into these little books. I'm like, okay, whatever, what else is cool. I don't know, he just seems he just seems like the dude just seems like the dude. I was likeYo. I I can't remember all the notes I took, but those those two things alone. I'm like, yeah, I earn my respect. I did write down a quote earlier that was like, what did he used to say? oh, do that again but better? I'm like, yeah, that sounds that sounds accurate. And then I liked the fact that like all his worlds within his worlds are like connected, so he'll leave Easter eggs within worlds of different Indiana Smith. He really liked the name Indiana because I guess he had a dog named Indiana, which was named after somebody else that was named Indiana. And I had no idea that Indiana Jones was like his brainchild or like close to it. I was like, whoa, this dudees are fucking legend, like a real like an actual, like this dude's a G for George Lucas. He's the best. I was like, yeah, dude. I could not put that book down. I was like sitting in cold bathtub water like, oh my God, this is such a pain turner. I gotta read about this dude until the very end of this book and I did. I would not put it down. I was like, George Lucas is the man, bro. like the man, I don't like like, yo, cool dude. I like that guy. I've never seen Star Wars. I have, I've seen like the beginning. It's like in the time, blah, fucking blah, blah, fucking talk. Yeah, and then I started writing my own movies, you know. It's not that any of them, you know, as whatever, you know, sometimes it's circumstance, sometimes sometimes I' just realize that I make excuses. Like I have no reason not to be as successful as any of these people that I'm reading about, because I'm finding personality traits about myself as I'm reading about them, like Albert Einstein Total Duis. He might have been like like functionally retarded. I'm pretty sure he was retarded, but also a genius. Like like, oh, okay, this is the coolest thing about Albert Einstein are we done inukas never, never. He's immortal, right? We'll see him at some point. He's so cool. He's so cool anyway. I was like, yeah, dude, this dude is cool. But there's that's the Alb Einstein, my man, okay, so like, slowly almost solely responsible for the invention of the Adamah. That's dope. On accident, though, because once he realized what had like once he realized that, okay, like, okay, I'm correct about this. For sure, I'm definitely correct about this, but like, yo okay, should we back up a little bit? First of all, he didn't say anything until he was like four. Didn't say anything, not a not a single word, his parents were like,o, something's wrong with him. Like even back in the day where it's like, uh don't know. Something's wrong with him. He's not saying anything. The doctors were like, he's perfectly fine.'s fine. And he didn't say anything his entire life until one day, apparently, he sat down to dinner with his parents and the soup was too hot, and that's what he said he's like the soup is too hot. Like, could you imagine, like having a kid that you're like 100% sure is retarded? Oops, nope, you can't say that. Okay, well, you could. Then so let's just shouldn't I just cancel you can't say that. Why, though? Like, okay, when I was growing up, you have to understand I come from a time where it was like you could just call that to somebody cause they were being dumb, but not dumb, right? But I mean like at a certain point, like, okay, technically Helen Keller was deaf dumb and blind, but like sometime and I'm assuming like between the 70s and 80s, it became a slang for like that's dumb. Like, don't do that because whatever you're doing is not right, which is like, okay if you're not right, then you're what? Retarded. Like, I'm sorry. I'm like some certain things are not going to be like, I'm, you know. I'm like early 2000s game or culture, that's gay, but I love gay. It's like nobody's being derogatory about that. I'm being derogatory about your behavior and I might even use it as like a positive you know what's what describing words or adjectives? I don't know. I'm going through. I'm going to processes realizing that like, okay, I'm at the age where certain information is gonna be offloaded. Certain like it's not coming back ever. Like, you like, I I know Spanish, but only if I have to speak it and it's not like, I'm not developing any other nothing else is like my brain is like, we don't need this, do we? I'm like, I don't know. Maybe I should hold on to that. No, no, we don't need this. I'm like, okay, well. there are certain things about me that are just not gonna change at this point. I'm not sorry, because honestly, weren't too offended at everything when, like, there're there are things that are offensive that nobody really is offended about. like, if you really found an offensive, it would not exist anymore, you know? Because when somebody becomes really passionate about something, and they change it. Which is why I'm taking my time. I like, youo, annihilation is imminent. Like this cannot be anymore. Like, you don't change my brain chemistry. Fuck that shit. my brain chemistry is perfect the way that it is. Like I'm almost sure that like the entire mental health industry will change based on ideals that are like blooming and other like in other what the fuck was I just saying exactly ideas that are already springing up in in small circles. like they'll, you know, be one day. Like that's just valid, like nothing's really wrong with you. something's wrong with the world. Like, why? Like, and what can we do to change that? It could be environmental completely. It could take somebody with like severe mental health issues, severe schizophrenia, severe bipolar disorder, severe fucking severe depression, severe anxiety and change their environmental factors or even just like change the fact that that like they're facing poverty, poverty is a mental illness and that's not what it's not looked at as such. It's looked at as a deficiency on the individual's part when it could be like and it could be a polethro of environmental factors. That'll change. It will in my lifetime. I know that it will. It may not be because of me because for the most part, I'm a pacifist. I really am. I'm a yoder, like, honestly, it has to be like visibly hurting someone else or hurting me painfully enough for me to be passionate about it to make it change. Like, I'm sorry, I'm not. I don't want I don't really want to be a leader, especially because like people are still like populating this planet. I don't necessarily I don't I don't wanna be like a a leader in anything because that is like that's too much power. Honestly, just let me play the music and then fuck off. And I will fuck off. Like if you think I talk too much or you find me annoying or you think I'm stupid like eventually I I disappear. That's it a self-reflective Go away, all right. I't have to be asked twice. I don't stay in places where I'm not welcome. So, New York it's been good. Are't not really. But somebody I thought okay, who else am I obsessed with? I love this new lady that I found. Her name is Gina something rather fucking amazing. I I love New York people because I love New York people. Like I really do. like it is well, it's hard to fucking there's a fucking oh, honestly, it could be simplified to this as like, okay, maybe this embraces like the new the New York feminine and what I really hate is the New York masculine, which is just toxic, just disgusting, like where I spinning on things, shut the fuck up, like, are you not self aware? Like it's it's certain level of and I'm not, I'm really not binary in the sense where it's like balanc, bro. like balance, like a little bit of everything is good and like half masculine, half feminine is like a good balance, non-binary embracing that. But like yo, dude, there's a certain rasculinity about the city that's the thing that makes it nasty. It was like, whoa. whoa. I'm like, that's nasty, but I was oh, okay, I'm in love with this person. Her name is like Gene or something rather. I'm still I still have like I no, I have no feet in the comedy pool cause like I realized I stopped performing comedy and I stopped writing it, and like all the like semi tragic possibility, like possibly hilarious situations that were happening to me when I was actively writing comedy just stopped. I was like good, I don't necessarily need to be in that right now. That's that has sailed and will probably later sink, but I don't want to be in there if like, okay, like you're funny, if like sad and bad shit happens to you all the time. I'm like, that's fucked up. I don't wanna be that guyc 50 years from now I could be that guy and like still not earn a penny more than I'm earning right now making music underground. So if it's if I had to choose between the two, I've already earned mastery in recording arts. 10,000 hours or more, like I don't necessarily like being a comic is like another ladder. It's another it's a thing. And honestly, when I stopped like, well, I mean, like I I took a break from tears of a clown because it became such a like passion project for me that I was like, oh, this is that I'm caring too much like I should stop. and still not finish and it's not it's not like, it never had a release date in mind, so it's not necessarily like what's it delayed? Yeah, it's not delayed, and it's not it's definitely not in hiatus, but like, I realized that I have a certain responsibility to my audience altogether. It like to do this show as well and so like this, there's been taking kind of a priority, knowing that like my hiatus has been longer than any other hiatus is, and that I owe it to like my homegrown audience and my weird coat following to like okay like I have to give you guys everything from fucking like November to now and just musically that's a lot but then I've also the writing has also accompanied it and so it would be a shame to just let that go entirely because I feel that like my actual, my actual fan base is here in this show, unfortunately, well, not unfortunately, because I've started to get like a sense of familiarity within the dance music scene, like, as a producer through this podcast as a medium, because when I started doing this podcast, like, it wasn't like people weren't generally like now people are doing like following my, what's it? format. Like people weren't really doing DJ mixes and like putting music on podcasts, like it just wasn't people weren't doing it. I was the only one doing it now everybody's doing it and it makes me want to do it less, but then also like I have to kind of show consistency with myself in order for me to feel like I'm still doing something. What was that rant about? I don't know. I'm obsessed with this lady name's Gina or something rather. She's super New York. What would she say? that I really liked? Oh, if you didn't know the rules before you got to New York, you you like if you came to New York and you're not having a good time, you probably didn't know the rules before you got here.rect. I didn't come here on purpose. This was my layover city. I came here by accident and I did not know the rules. Now I'm learning the rules and I'm like the rules are fucked up and rules are kind of meant to be broken if you're disturbing my peace, I will then disturb your peace. No, I will not. I do not believe an eye for an eye, and also I feel that you are dangerous people. I will then report you to the police and and make the proper documentation in order for it to stop. I'm a snitch. I don't give a fuck. Like if you're actually hurting me, like if you're changing my the way that I think and the way that I feel, like if you're making me sick inside of my own environment, like you deserve it. I'll give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I don't give any kind of fuck. And then that way, I am a feminist, cause it's like, yo, dude, like how long are you gonna sit and take somebody hurting you before you actually realize that like you're not the problem they are and in order for their behavior to stop, you have to actually like you have to prevent this by stepping up for yourself. It's kind of like a show and like, okay, like like at a certain point it is kind of like a game. Like how long are you going to let me do this to you before you just fucking like get up and fucking hit me back? And I'm like, I don't want to like, I don't want to fight, but at the same time, like, bro, like I've been getting my ass whipped by these idiots and so I'm like, okay, I have to actually, but I'm still not a fighter. I have to do it in a way that makes sense and so that the community can be improved when I move on. Like I don't necessarily want to put somebody in the same place that I am now because I really am not I don't and just improve it. Like I believe so much in doing that, like not just leaving no trace, but like improving the place from which you are situated when you leave so that when the next person comes through, they don't have to struggle through the same hardship. So in that way, leadership, sure, being a teacher, whatever, but it's more just for the like, I don't know, for the the It's like the consolation of like my my spirit, you know, like for that in that way, I do feel that it is perfectose in that sense, that it has to be done in a certain sense, because there's there's no one that's going to fight me more than me that's like nah, dude, like leave it alone, let it go, shut the fuck up, but I'm like yo dude like I'm literally over here having like my next step on. I wake up some days like I can't fucking breathe. Like there are some days where it's like I choose not to speak where there are also some days that I can't because I'm physically like exhaustive because I'm physically ill from whatever has been allowed to go on over the last year. So also that does have a lot to do with me. Like I'm not quick to want to come right back on to the fucking air. Like as soon as I go back, you know, all of my podcasts go back on to the platforms, my life changes in a certain way that I have to be ready for it. I have to be ready to you know, like I have to be ready to to balance the energy that comes from it because it is a strange energy that like once I put something out, it's not, I mean like there's there's I mean like it can be compared to like when I put music out, I'll always go through this like weird wavy like maybe it's part of the Ascension process. I have no idea how to describe that feeling as like something is changing. Like, you know, maybe building space in my actual realms or existence or whatever, but like doing this podcast is very drastic where it's like the not like sometimes especially if it's like a big drop, like and I put it out, and maybe it's just because it's on the FMs or whatever, I don't know like I don't necessarily know enough about radio frequencies to understand like what it can reach, but I know that it does reach far out because like I don't get my ne next. I don't get my next set of downloads. I don't get my next step. I don't move to the next chapter until like I do these drops and so let's you know, like reason number three. I'm like, yeah, also, it cost me money, so I'm taking my time. Also, I'm a little bit slower after this. Like I'm not it's not I'm like, okay, you guys are causing brain damage. I'm I'm getting my paperwork together. It's fucked up. Okay. I'm like, uh, but it did take the point of me getting like physically ill, uh, for me to realize like, oh, like everything all of everything's being slowed down. Everything's being affected, my show is being affected by it, my music is being affected by it anyway. Who else am I obsessed with? Uh, I'll be I love Albert Einstein. He was wrong, man. like nothing was okay with this dude. But everything was, he was like, I don't got time to put on socks, motherfucker. I'm literally building the equations that make the world make sense, and everybody's like, oh, look at that, you are correct. Every time you are correct, and he's like, I am correct every time. But wasn't the most social creature, I like this guy. I really liked this guy. I'm like, yo, dude, I'll beian on, my man. I like him. Anyway, I will I didn't I didn't know much about him besides like, E equals MC square, like time travel and shit, but like, what else are you gonna learn about Albert Einstein? Like, personality wise, he was a G. He really didn't give a fuck because he really didn't have to. He really didn't have to. He was like,uh. He had like no need for, like certain human I I like him, cause it made me feel okay to be kind of like he spent a lot of time in isolation. He spent a lot of time just like doing him. like which was like, I'm not comparing myself to Al Hhenin, but in this way, I'm like, yeah, like he he was like, yo, like, I'm not gonna lie, like, if I fuck around with you guys, like, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna be me. Like, I'm not a genius if I spend too much time in like the dumb dum world, which is how I feel. So I'm like go to, like, I realize like I'm dumb dumb to a lot of people who consider themselves like elites or consider themselves, uh, you know, uh scholars, but it's not it's not something like if I could do anything in the world, that's what I would do, is not to be like a famous fucking rock star, like a fucking television personality or like a writer, like those are things that are that those are things that I'm passionate about, or that are God given gifts, but like, if I could really understand, like academia and like conquer being a scholar, like, that's what I would do with my time. That's what I would like contribute my time and my effort to like science and research and like understanding what is already understood and taking my abilities and understand contributing scientifically to the world, the things that I understand, but are not yet known. The things that are not yet proven as laws, the things that are not yet, you know, even theorized in some aspects, who else am I reading, bro? Oh, dude, I love this guy, okay, this guy. All right. Okay, this guy, Jim Henson, he created the Muppets. I am terrified of dolls, puppets, weird things that are not like inanimate, like creatures, that are like personified, always been a problem with me. Like, I've never been big on dolls, I've never been big on puppets. and so I also know, I also grew up with Muppet people who were typically okay. Actually, I liked the Muppet people. Everybody I've ever met in my life that was like a huge, super duper fan of pup like Muppets, not puppets got no, you're like regular puppets and like a like no. no. Uh uh. um no. Anyway, anyway, Muppets, though. I was never big on Muppets, but all the people in my life that I've ever known that were like extreme Muppet people were some of the happiest they bounty issues. like intolerably like like innocent. like a lot of Mormons. Mormons love Muppets. Mormons love things that like Mormons, though. Mormons. But they love Muppets. They love Muppets, anyway, some of the some of the best people that I've ever met in my life are Muppet people. and I've never been a Muppet person, especially because they are puppets. I mean, like, I I take I take my pig, like, okay, big bird, creepy, creepy, big bird, big bird is creepy, no matter what you do, like, you look sideways at that guy, cause he's like ah, but then I learned about like, okay, the fact that like,, big Bird, the costume itself is like eight feet tall or whatever. And then the person who played Big Bird played Big Bird for like 40 years. That's incredible. Elmo, little creep, but I love him. Like Elmo's probably my favorite. Al almost probably my favorite, because he has an attitude. Like, if you watch enough enough watch to like my fair share of Elmo. I I like him because he's he's kind of like, like what would you he's like a brat. Like he really is. He's a smart ass and and then when they did the whole elmo, like his when he had his show, I like that dude. I can't remember what he his name is, but he had like a a weird mute dude. that didn't talk at all, and would like he'd be like, no, you're not supposed to do that. Like, I can't remember what his name was. I don't do Elma's voice, but yes it's close enough. Elmo's mm. Elbow, cookie monster, bro, cookie Mon, Bertton Ernie, and then I've been trying to find this fucking dude's laughc like there was Bert and Ernie and I can't remember who did it, but like one of them has a laugh that's like and I've been trying to find it because it's the funniest, and it makes like the perfect break for dub to I'm like, oh, dude, where is that dude's laugh? I can't remember if Fitzzert or Ernie who does it, but he's like I'm like, okay. where is it? I've been trying, but and then I get stuck on Miss Peggy, because she's she's in atrocity to be honest. I think I've met too many people like her. like in real life that I'm like, oh, yeah, her, but she's funny bro. She's funny. cause she's a fucking pig. She gives no fucks at all. She's a blonde pig. No she gives no fucks at all in the Kermit Kermit makes you feel safe. Kermit makes you feel loved, Kermit, Kermit Kermit, Kermit, the frog and that's like her obsession. She's like, yes, Kermit. I'm like, I I feel you. I feel you. Like, there's nothing wrong with that frog. There's nothing wrong with that frog. He's absolutely perfect frog. I love him. Anyway, anyway, now I love the Muppets's more. Well, I mean, like I obviously had some kind of connection cause I'm talking about them, but like now I'm like, oh, you know like now I can associate the thing like the kind of creative genius that like came from it. But I like this guy because, I mean, like, I I don't know, I personally became a little fixated on like his journey, which was like he wasn't necessarily he his life's mission was not like, I'm just going to I'm going to make puppets. That's what I'm going to do. He wasn't like that. He was just obsessed with TV. And what I'm reading about most of these people is that is like a common like a common commonality between all of them. everybody that I've just mentioned, everybody that I've learned about so far is like has this obsession with TV, which is something that I have since a very early age, would you have seen on TV? That album might take another couple of years. I thought it was gonna come out by this fall, but like the more I'm actually understanding myself as a person and like my affinity for television. And now I'm like I'm like collecting more things like I love television. I love television, like the and now I'm learning about the science behind it. Like the which, by the way, Einstein. like all this shit, like, I'm just learning so much that I'm like all all these connections are coming together and I can't force that to happen. That's not an album I want to rush. I seen on TV is probably like I don't know. It might come out next year, like next fall, because I'm like, yeah, like that in, you know, this, and then like that, and then for the first time, Ashley on the album that came out today, I took a piece of enter the multiverse that and I used it as a sample in my songwriting and it actually changed kind of it kind of changed the, you know, the overall aesthetic of the way that I do things because I I heard back. I always listened back to these episodes, but I heard back my own voice with the like with the elements of the music combined and like I like to I don't want to do it too much. I don't want to do it too much. I did two songs that were kind of close together called one is called Neptune, and one is called hijacked. I did hijacked first, and I love that song so much that I use the same kind of detail on Neptune within the same time span, and I th well, it's good for mixing because it's like they do go well together. They also mix with like some old school, like some older schoolased music that like I hadn't thought of, but I was like, oh, shit, like this mixes with this song and it does. Like, this goes with this and it's like songs from like 20 years ago, dubstep, but like still, uh, 20 years ago, dubstep is where at. That's honestly where the fuck it's at. you want dubstep. Honestly, like anywhere between like, 20 years ago dubstep, which is when it started and like 15 to 10 years agoubstep. And then when Bro step happened, it all just went like e e, and now it's I mean, like, you know, apparently people are doing it with AI. I I can't imagine, like, okay, like, you can give certain creative aspect to like, like artificial intelligence, sure, but like, you d I mean, like, there needs to be a human element in music, like, you cannot just let the computer do at all, because, well, I mean, like, I guess it's like relevant for the times that, like people are trying to programmed. So the fact that, like music has like the AI has the mathematical algorithm that makes music what it is and can like put out like like can put out like a replica of what it is, but without the actual human element of programming, like you're losing the consciousness. Like you're like I understand I understand why music is music and that like when somebody actually crafts something that a piece of their soul is, yes, I will finish talking about Mu Van in a second. I love Jim Henson, because he does he did myets. I'm pretty sure he's dead, which is great. I love dead people because I can I can be a creep about them. I'm like, oh, you're dead? great. Like who did I look up? and I was like, oh, I'm sure he's dead. but then he wasn't. And I was like, oh, my dad, I'll check back in a few years. I was like, yeah, you're dead? No, I'm not. I was like, oh, oops. My bad. Yeah. Anyw, what the fuck was I saying? I don't know. I got on rent about music and it shouldn't be made by computers. Why computers should not, like, determine the fucking, like outcome of things? Because computers are like I I don't I shouldn't have to explain this. I really shouldn't have to. Like there's a certain limit, like, again, ethically, there should be a certain limit, like you like, okay, you like you can't win an award for this if you used a certain amount of computer to do it. Like you can't do that. Like you didn't do any work. You literally just plugged it in some shit and the computer, which was already programmed to do this, did it for you. You can't win. Like you can't do that. You cannot do that. No, like you also the computer should not be able to choose the winner based off of numbers. shouldn't do that. Like, honestly, like I'm like, okay, whatever. Who else am I obsessed with? I obsessed? I like, I I let myself obsessed on certain things, but it's it's working out. It's working out to be, okay, what was I say about Muppet Man? I don't know. Why do I like him so much? Cause now I'm now I have a certain level of comfort with Muppets like like if you ran up on me with a Muppet, I would probably not be your friend that day. You would have to be my friend to try to even do that. But I would probably not be your friend that day. Like don't run up on me with a Muppet. What are you doing? Like, no, no, no, no, they're no, they're no. Like their mouth is but still like, like, it has to be one of the classics. like, don't don't run up for me with the fucking Yo. And then I found it out about like, oh, I found out about so much stuff. Who else did I read about JK. Rolling, but I already knew her her level of crazy and my level of crazy were about equal like six years ago. I was like, ah, somebody showed me a video of her and I was like, yeah. I'm like, it was weird. It was like looking in a mirror. I was like, oh, yeah. yeah, yeah. I don't know how I'm ever gonna get to like Harry Potter level success and also, like merchandising franchising and all that, but like, you know, I get like, I gave the energy of like, what I was seeing in her consciously. I was like, yep, that's me, for sure. Like, I don't know what the fuck you're saying. Who else did I read about? Oh, this well, less interesting, but at least I'll remember his name now. his name is Maurice Syndak. He um he illustrated uh where oh no, he wrote where the wild things are and illustrated children's books, I like that. I don't have much else to say about him, except for also wasn't he also obsessed with TV? No. No, he was more of a writer. I can't remember then. They're all merging together in the genius section. What else is going on? I don't know, what's on this? album? Um, six tracks, six dance tracks, which I've never really I've never really well, all of them are concept, but like I usually have like genre bins. I didn't do that much. I'm pretty much stuck to four to the floor. Anthony type things, um six tracks. Most of them are housey, like techhouse base house. an, very dance floor oriented. There's, uh, well, one is almost like I don't know what to call that one. like a retrospective. I don't know what to call it. It's got it's got these weird vocal, uh, it's got like, I wanted to go with like, the the sound the song is called IU. and it's like based in the premise that like, I'm you and you're me, even if we have no, like even if we have no medium or middle ground as a way to prove that, like, the same consciousness is breaking down between all of the things that are happening at once. It's just basically what's been going on since forever. And will, technically in some kind of form, always go on, even if it isn't the most minuscule microscopic, like, think about it, all of this, everything that we know of and even everything that we don't know of can one day just be like, compressed into this tiny little glimmering flint of nothing floating through space at the next thing that's gonna be like hot and moist enough to breed like an entire civilization. You don't know. You do know, because I just told you, but, you know, it's this this is the way I think about it, like everything, all the things one day just like so very almost non-existent, just floating its way to the next fucking thing. and then you know, something like that, on monopia, we love that. What else did I pick up that I put back already, captain on underpants, cause he's weird. I love Captain Underpants, Juni B Jones. What a girl now as an adult, Juni B Jones is literally the most like she's she's annoying. She's really annoying. Juni B Jones, who else? Oh, I'm still obsessed with Miss Frizzle. M Miss Frizzle needs to be real. Well, it is like, okay, cause if you think about the magic school bus, that's some like psychedelic shit. Why wasn't that live action a long time ago? Telet tubbies are weird. Don't run up on me in the telly tubby, don't do that. Don't. But I mean like I don't know, if you wanted to sum up my generations like perception of reality and like one one TV show it would be that. let's tell it that was. I don't like them. I never did. I remember I still remember the day that like my mom brought a fucking VHS and she bought she brought me like a stack of them because I think she went to like it wasn't Blogbuster. Where was the other place? It might have been blockbuster, but she came home with like a stack of tapes, square as the other place. There was Blockbuster in the other place, the other place closed, and then there was just blockbuster, then red box, and then there was no blockbuster. Where was the other fucking place? I don't know, but she brought a stack of a VHSs and she was like here, I don't know what she would like, so like try these out. and I don't know why, but like the title teller Tubby seemed like a good idea.c you're just going by titles, you' it's not like they put the pictures on the VHS canisters that they would come in, and so I was like, tell it toubies what is this? And I watched it. I think I specifically remember my mom coming in like towards the middle of the episode, and she's like, have you had enough? And I was like, yeah, I'm like this. I don't like this. I think I might have I think I put it back again and I went to the end of the episode I could go like,W, what happened? What happened? I mean, like now looking back, like as an adult, like I'm a tellyummy. I don't like them, but, like, if I think about, like myself, what I am, like, I'm kind of just like a nonverbal, like like a nonverbal tubi thing, like a strange color. Yay. I don't know.'mma telly tubby. That's probably why I don't like them. It's too self reflective, and I was like, no. And then the fucking machine that came out, I was like, and then it would just like ew, yeah, actually, I should revisit that. I think I think I've said I think I've talked about, like my idea for an actual like people don't watch TV anymore, but I wanna streaming channel that just streams all the weird shit that I've ever seen as like a sober, conscious adult, like or anything from childhood that's like leftover and just put it on one channel that just like loops weird shit. like put it all together. Like I think baby Einstein like put that on as a channel, baby Einstein, what else would you watch? O what else would you put on for somebody that like is intentionally for somebody that's like mid I don't I'm I don't I'm not big on fucking ketamine. I think it's dangerous to be honest. Like I don't think it's like, some psychedelic it well, it's not even a psychedelic. It's a fucking horse tranquilizer. Stop doing that, people are it's so popular, I don't get that, I don't get that at all. I don't understand. I don't understand. I think it dangerous, honestly, and I like, I come from rave world where, like anything goes for the next three and half days, like, but ketamine, like, that's always been like to me, bro, like, mm. that's pushing it. There's certain th no judgment, though, right, no judgment. I finally never mind, never mind, what the fuck else. I'm not sure. I think I had I think I had a weird dream lately, but like, I'd kind of brushed it off. Oh, I did. It was weird. My theater teacher from high school, my theater teacher from high school showed up out of nowhere. showed up out of nowhere, and was like telling me some shit. And I was like, oh. like but that was the whole dream the whole night, and it was so weird, cause I kept waking up and I was like, this is weird, man. This is the weirdest thing ever. He was probably one of my favorite teachers ever, though. I hadn't thought about him in so long that I was like, oh yeah, you.ird. And anyway, what else? Oh, I had so much to say. And I don't like that's it. Honesty goodness, like, I don't like I don't think ooh, I'm over an hour. I'm over an hour. That's it. I can't go more than an hour. I respect people's time too much, so they're gonna have to be another episode, though. I'm just not getting through my fucking Peloton hours. I'm just not. It's like the hardest thing to sit there well, music is work, I really tried it. I really tried to just like, okay, this is one of my favorite albums. I'm just gonna sit on this bike, but like, it's too much mental energy. I can't even do regular things to some of my favorite music anymore. like, it has to be like a complete andention. Otherwise it just gets like caught up. What are we gonna talk about this next episode? Okay, the next episode? we're gonna talk about how well this mushroom soup worked out. I'm really excited. It's very brothy. Those carrots we're about to go. Oh, I guess next episode we're gonna talk about whatson and Mrs. Gallipsey's refrigerator. I have no idea. I've never thought about it, but I forgot I was writing that movie anyway. Yeah.'s a it's a process. What else is going on? Uh, next episode, uh Mrs. Gallipsy's refrigerator. m, whatever I forgotten this episode that I'm about to remember as soon as I hit the record button, guaranteed guaranteed. um. What did I pick up anything else off the Internet? Nothing at all. Nothing. Something is you just gotta keep to yourself. And, um, there was at least a third thing that I was like, oh, you know, talking voice, talking points, like, well, I got to the hour. I was worried that I was gonna be like, oh, to say. But I, you know, like I I've said it. I said it and now I have to keep saying it, cause like yo, those hours on the Peloton are fucking like worth it. Like, I there there's it's been three days. It feels like three years cause I'm not getting enough I'm not I'm not pushing out enough peloton time. So I'm not as productive and I'm just, like not focused the way that I need to be focused to the clown as long as way. eventually, yes, and uh, I don't know, some other things. Yeah, I think we'll just cut it off there, so thanks for listening. I can't believe the show is coming have it on, right? It's like yo, why the fuck are you still doing this? I'm likeYo, regardless of what I do, there's gonna be idiots outside. So I might as well just make some fucking Ouch. I just hit myself in the fucking tooth with the coffee g cup. It is lukewarm now.. cupcakes, no, but I've been craving ice cream. Let's get through this mushroom soup and we'll see. We'll see. We'll s we'll we'll see that's it? Yeah, I don't have anything else. Oh, all the rage, all the rages is available now and all streaming platforms. Like can subscribe my YouTube channel. It's that's so stupid. I' never thought I'd say that.lo could subcribed. It's in the script, but apparently it makes the robot brainwash program. People actually do that. If you are hearing this and you are formally a program brainwashed robot person. just know that I'm helping to wake you up in your series toissension by giving you the consciousness that it takes to wait. Why the fuck do you need to even listen to my channel? Like, okay, my music is okay. but I'm realizing, like, I need to step up to steppping up. Oh, subronics, we can talk about subronics on the next episode. Yeah, that's gonna take at least half an episode. I don't know what level of marijuana that is. I'm trying to achieve that like sober. I don't have the patience, that's what the marijuana's for, but I'm like yo like, I don't have the budget for that level of marijuana. Nobody has the budget for that level of marijuana. Well, I mean, like here's the thing about smoking weed, like when you smoke weed, you make sure that you have enough money to keep smoking weed. That's how it works. That's why I'm like, I can't. That's like a that's an investment. It's an investment to mental health at this point. But it's still an investment that I'm like, oh, you're like when my insurance covers that shit? Sure. Sure. Until then I'm like, bro, I'm not gonna have like a whole income so that I can devote, like, a 30% tax of it to just, like, smoking weed to make me able to deal with people, like, it doesn't make necessary. It cost too much. It costs too much. I should just grow it off. Well, six months down the road, I might be subtrronics, six months, well, it's like a nine month process. I just figured this out. Okay. That's more investments. Well, you just need some Lights. Okay, I'm I'm crunching numbers. Thanks for listening. Have a good day. Goodbye.

Suede. (Uptown A)

Single - 2025

insta: iamu.guru | YT: Youtube.com/@thefestivalproject (Visualizers +Catalogue)

TikTok:

FREE DOWNLOADS: https://www.iamu.guru

everything is free for download. love to you and thanks for listening.

Thanks G-D I've only got rice pasta!

Remove the o for observance of the holiday and yet

Phonetically it just doesn't make sense

Forget it,

Patient weather

I still have the bare bones

And

Hey—

No writing on Passover, either?

It is work!

Okay( that's a dumb rule.

I'm not l religious

But in respect to this,

It just seems

Something like intrinsic

NO WRITING.

Well, G-d, that goes against my wiring

Who wrote this anyway?

Chametz! Chametz!

(As I said, this gets meta)

Meta metropolitan,

Matzo for the Holiday

WALLY POPPINS, Mary Poppins' great great nephew is at the very least to say “not your average guy. “

WALLY

You think that's bad? You should meet my cousin Monty.

MONTY POPPINS is not much of an improvement.

copied + pasted from youtube.

Buckle UP, buttercups! SUEDE. the sonic supernova forged in the fires of a time-bending collaboration between the enigmatic Uptown A, the phantom of the New York warehouse rave scene, and the bass-loving, unity-preaching surfer from the West Coast, -Ū!

Legend has it, this track wasn't just made - it was extracted from the fabric of spacetime by two sonic sorcerers locked in a thrilling race against the clock! Imagine: time-traveling DJs, hopping through eras, snatching the rawest beats and most electrifying melodies just moments before they vanished forever! ⏳

Uptown A, the elusive architect of avant-garde warehouse experiences, a project as fast-paced and unpredictable as the legendary New York Metro A line itself, remains a ghost in the machine. "Catch me if you can," whispers the bassline, echoing through the cavernous spaces Uptown A momentarily inhabits before vanishing into the urban sprawl. This is a sound born in the shadows, pulsating with the raw energy of underground rebellion and the relentless beat of the city that never sleeps.

But fear not the darkness, for -Ū arrives like a sun-drenched wave, bringing a message of peace, love, and unity through the universal language of bass. This collaboration isn't just a track; it's a testament to the power of connection, a reminder that even across time and distance, the rhythm unites us. ❤️

SUEDE is a high-octane journey, a fusion of Uptown A's gritty, experimental edge and -Ū's unifying bass vibrations. Are you ready to chase the sound? Are you ready to feel the energy of two worlds colliding in a symphony of pure sonic adrenaline?

Hit play, turn it UP, and let the chase begin! Who knows where Uptown A will strike next... but for now, we have SUEDE.

#UptownA #Ū #Suede #NewMusic #Collaboration #BassMusic #WarehouseRave #TimeTravelDJs #NewYorkUnderground #MetroALine #CatchMeIfYouCan #WestCoastBass #UnityThroughMusic #ElectronicMusic #EDM #RaveCulture #MysteriousArtist #AvantGarde #ExperimentalMusic #HighOctane #SonicJourney #UndergroundMusic #MusicLover #DanceMusic #ElectronicDanceMusic #BassVibes #UrbanSoundscape #MusicIsLife #PartyVibes #GoodVibes #SoundSystem #DJLife #MusicProducer #FeelTheBass #Energy #Groove #Rhythm #Beats #Vibes #MusicCommunity #PLUR #PeaceLoveUnityRespect #Kandi #MusicFestival #Nightlife #SoundDesign #Audio #NewRelease #ListenNow #TurnItUp #SonicSupernova #TimeBendingBeats #ChasingTheSound #ElusiveArtist #PhantomOfTheRave #UnpredictableSound #UrbanSprawl #UniversalLanguageOfMusic #TwoWorldsCollide #PureAdrenaline #HitPlay #LetsGo #TheChaseBegins

Check out SUEDE Now:

https://www.artists.landr.com/suede

#NewMusic #ElectronicMusic #MusicRelease #NewVideo #ListenNow #MusicLover, #SoundSystem #UndergroundMusic #Vibes and #MusicCommunity #BassMusic #HeavyBass #Dubstep #Riddim #TrapMusic #FutureBass #BassHouse #LowEndTheory #Subwoofer #BassDrop #Headbanger #Wobble #Filth #Basshead and #ElectronicBass #Techno, #DarkTechno #IndustrialTechno #MelodicTechno #HardTechno #HypnoticTechno #PeakTimeTechno #TechnoLovers #FourToTheFloor #BerlinTechno #RaveTechno, #PureTechno #UndergroundTechno #WarehouseRave #RaveCulture #UndergroundRave #DIYRave #SecretParty #IndustrialRave #OldSchoolRave #RaveVibes #PartyMusic #AfterHours #PLUR #RaveLife #UntzUntz #DanceAllNight #DrumAndBass, #DnB, #JungleMusic #LiquidDnB #Neurofunk #JumpUp #DnBFamily #Bassline #FastBeats #DrumAndBassMusic #Rollers #AmenBreak #HighContrast #DNB4LIFE

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 |

THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. ©

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-Ū.

Title: The Banana Anomaly

Logline: When sentient, aggressive bananas take over a small town, two unlikely heroes must overcome their bickering and fears to stop the potassium-fueled chaos.

Characters:

Scene:

INT. SMALL TOWN LIBRARY - DAY

SOUND of frantic shushing

BERNICE, with her hair in a tight bun and glasses perched precariously on her nose, stamps a book with excessive force. The library is mostly empty.

RICK bursts through the doors, sweating and slightly disheveled. He holds a slightly bruised banana in his hand.

Bernice finally looks up, her expression a mixture of annoyance and disbelief.

Rick slams the banana on the counter. It twitches.

Suddenly, the front windows of the library EXPLODE in a shower of glass. Dozens of bananas, some bruised, some green, some disturbingly large, fly into the library. They are... advancing.

A banana leaps onto the counter, hissing. Rick grabs a nearby book - "The Complete Works of Shakespeare" - and smashes it. The banana splatters.

They run towards the back of the library, dodging flying fruit.

INT. LIBRARY ARCHIVES - CONTINUOUS

The archives are dark and dusty. Bernice and Rick barricade themselves behind a rolling shelf.

INT. LIBRARY BASEMENT - LATER

Bernice and Rick, armed with makeshift weapons (a fire extinguisher for Rick, a medieval mace from a historical display for Bernice), cautiously enter the basement. It's cold and dark.

They find the freezer. Inside, rows upon rows of preserved fruits and vegetables. And at the back, a large, industrial-sized freezer unit.

Bernice examines the control panel, her brow furrowed.

SOUND of crashing from upstairs

Bernice frantically pushes buttons. Wires spark. The freezer unit sputters to life, a cold wind emanating from it.

Suddenly, the basement door bursts open. A horde of bananas, led by an enormous, mutated "King Banana," charges in.

Rick holds them off with the fire extinguisher, slipping and sliding on banana peels. Bernice finally gets the freezer door open.

Rick, dodging banana projectiles, rushes to her side. Together, they heave the door open.

The King Banana leaps towards them. Rick grabs the fire extinguisher and sprays the King Banana directly into its face. It recoils, momentarily stunned.

Bernice and Rick push the freezer door wide open, creating a powerful gust of freezing air. The advancing bananas hesitate, then begin to slow, their movements becoming sluggish.

They scramble inside, pulling the heavy door shut just as the King Banana reaches them. His hand gets frozen in the door.

INT. LIBRARY BASEMENT - FREEZER - CONTINUOUS

Bernice and Rick stand shivering in the freezer, surrounded by frozen fruits and vegetables. The sounds of the frozen bananas banging on the door can be heard.

Bernice manages a small smile.

FADE OUT.

Title: The Banana Anomaly

Logline: When sentient, aggressive bananas take over the world, two unlikely heroes – a fastidious librarian and a boisterous used car salesman – must overcome their bickering and fears to stop the potassium-fueled chaos before it leads to a global meltdown.

Characters:

Scene:

INT. LIBRARY BASEMENT - FREEZER - CONTINUOUS

Bernice, Rick, and Dr. Reilly stand shivering in the freezer, surrounded by frozen fruits and vegetables. The sounds of the frozen bananas banging on the door can be heard, though muffled. The cold air is thick with condensation.

Bernice and Rick huddle together for warmth, the adrenaline of their escape and the shared trauma having forged an unexpected bond.

Bernice manages a small, genuine smile. Rick's eyes soften. He reaches out, brushing a stray piece of ice from Bernice's hair.

Bernice blushes, her cheeks flushing pink even in the freezing temperatures.

Their eyes meet. There's a beat of silence, the only sound the muffled thumping of the frozen bananas and the hum of the freezer. Rick steps closer, his gaze intense. Bernice doesn't back away.

He reaches for her hand. Her skin is cold, but she doesn't pull away. Their fingers intertwine. A spark of something real, something tender, passes between them.

He leans in closer. Their faces are inches apart. The moment is thick with unspoken desire.

Suddenly, the freezer door bursts open with a BANG.

DR. ANNA REILLY stands in the doorway, holding a metal tray piled high with what appear to be... french fries. But they are limp, soggy, and utterly unappetizing. Her face is a mask of utter exasperation.

Bernice and Rick jump apart, startled and flustered. The romantic moment is shattered.

Dr. Reilly throws her hands up in the air, the soggy fries nearly flying off the tray.

She storms further into the freezer, muttering about the incompetence of the military and the importance of a proper starch-to-grease ratio.

Bernice and Rick stare at each other for a long moment, the heat of their almost-kiss now replaced by the awkward chill of the interruption.

Bernice hesitates, then a small smile returns to her face.

FADE OUT.

Hulur.

Uh. Helur.

Are you Hurtz McGurkin?

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 |

THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. ©

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-Ū.

Title: The Banana Anomaly

Logline: When sentient, aggressive bananas take over a small town, two unlikely heroes must overcome their bickering and fears to stop the potassium-fueled chaos.

Characters:

Scene:

INT. SMALL TOWN LIBRARY - DAY

SOUND of frantic shushing

BERNICE, with her hair in a tight bun and glasses perched precariously on her nose, stamps a book with excessive force. The library is mostly empty.

RICK bursts through the doors, sweating and slightly disheveled. He holds a slightly bruised banana in his hand.

Bernice finally looks up, her expression a mixture of annoyance and disbelief.

Rick slams the banana on the counter. It twitches.

Suddenly, the front windows of the library EXPLODE in a shower of glass. Dozens of bananas, some bruised, some green, some disturbingly large, fly into the library. They are... advancing.

A banana leaps onto the counter, hissing. Rick grabs a nearby book - "The Complete Works of Shakespeare" - and smashes it. The banana splatters.

They run towards the back of the library, dodging flying fruit.

INT. LIBRARY ARCHIVES - CONTINUOUS

The archives are dark and dusty. Bernice and Rick barricade themselves behind a rolling shelf.

INT. LIBRARY BASEMENT - LATER

Bernice and Rick, armed with makeshift weapons (a fire extinguisher for Rick, a medieval mace from a historical display for Bernice), cautiously enter the basement. It's cold and dark.

They find the freezer. Inside, rows upon rows of preserved fruits and vegetables. And at the back, a large, industrial-sized freezer unit.

Bernice examines the control panel, her brow furrowed.

SOUND of crashing from upstairs

Bernice frantically pushes buttons. Wires spark. The freezer unit sputters to life, a cold wind emanating from it.

Suddenly, the basement door bursts open. A horde of bananas, led by an enormous, mutated "King Banana," charges in.

Rick holds them off with the fire extinguisher, slipping and sliding on banana peels. Bernice finally gets the freezer door open.

Rick, dodging banana projectiles, rushes to her side. Together, they heave the door open.

The King Banana leaps towards them. Rick grabs the fire extinguisher and sprays the King Banana directly into its face. It recoils, momentarily stunned.

Bernice and Rick push the freezer door wide open, creating a powerful gust of freezing air. The advancing bananas hesitate, then begin to slow, their movements becoming sluggish.

They scramble inside, pulling the heavy door shut just as the King Banana reaches them. His hand gets frozen in the door.

INT. LIBRARY BASEMENT - FREEZER - CONTINUOUS

Bernice and Rick stand shivering in the freezer, surrounded by frozen fruits and vegetables. The sounds of the frozen bananas banging on the door can be heard.

Bernice manages a small smile.

FADE OUT.

Title: The Banana Anomaly

Logline: When sentient, aggressive bananas take over the world, two unlikely heroes – a fastidious librarian and a boisterous used car salesman – must overcome their bickering and fears to stop the potassium-fueled chaos before it leads to a global meltdown.

Characters:

Scene:

INT. LIBRARY BASEMENT - FREEZER - CONTINUOUS

Bernice, Rick, and Dr. Reilly stand shivering in the freezer, surrounded by frozen fruits and vegetables. The sounds of the frozen bananas banging on the door can be heard, though muffled. The cold air is thick with condensation.

Bernice and Rick huddle together for warmth, the adrenaline of their escape and the shared trauma having forged an unexpected bond.

Bernice manages a small, genuine smile. Rick's eyes soften. He reaches out, brushing a stray piece of ice from Bernice's hair.

Bernice blushes, her cheeks flushing pink even in the freezing temperatures.

Their eyes meet. There's a beat of silence, the only sound the muffled thumping of the frozen bananas and the hum of the freezer. Rick steps closer, his gaze intense. Bernice doesn't back away.

He reaches for her hand. Her skin is cold, but she doesn't pull away. Their fingers intertwine. A spark of something real, something tender, passes between them.

He leans in closer. Their faces are inches apart. The moment is thick with unspoken desire.

Suddenly, the freezer door bursts open with a BANG.

DR. ANNA REILLY stands in the doorway, holding a metal tray piled high with what appear to be... french fries. But they are limp, soggy, and utterly unappetizing. Her face is a mask of utter exasperation.

Bernice and Rick jump apart, startled and flustered. The romantic moment is shattered.

Dr. Reilly throws her hands up in the air, the soggy fries nearly flying off the tray.

She storms further into the freezer, muttering about the incompetence of the military and the importance of a proper starch-to-grease ratio.

Bernice and Rick stare at each other for a long moment, the heat of their almost-kiss now replaced by the awkward chill of the interruption.

Bernice hesitates, then a small smile returns to her face.

FADE OUT.

Hulur.

Uh. Helur.

Are you Hurtz McGurkin?

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 |

THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. ©

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-Ū.

Https://www.iamu.guru

“THE FLUFFER”

I have eyes in the back of my head

I have goats at the top of my bed

I have goats on the cap of my knee

I think I wrote my own obituary

Oh, you hetcha

Bitch, you ain't me

Shit be poppin off at the rock in

8 minutes exactly

In studio 8H

That's where I am,

Amen again

Cause I meant it

And I mix in the pancake batter

Perhaps some berries?

Apparently not,

7 minutes and counting

I'm at the Rock

Now I'm putting away my don't ask, don't tell

Ok.

Okay?

Okay?

Now I'm making arrangements;

Don't want to be your favorite,

I just miss LA with a hankering

Call Hank team USA

That's FBI

I'm so Walter White that

I watch Saturday Night

— not live, though

I'm too broke for peacock, YouTube

And cable!

Dang, bro!

How many subscriptions do I need

Just not to cry myself to sleep.

Send me some pictures

January jonesing for a free ride scholarship

To on God university,

Aka: inside the TV

DOBT BE EVIL.

WRITE ME A SEQUEL!

Ok TV people

First just let me …

son of a bitch!

I told you she'd be back.

Yo.

Whaddup.

You killed Jimmy Fallon!

I did not.

You did!

Yes you did.

I didn't. He was already like that.

What!

You heard me!

Explain to me how—

This man:

[This man]

*heavy gasps and anxietal wheezing fills the room*

Explain this.

Metaphisics.

That doesn't explain anything.

It explains everything, actually. *explodes*

Excuse me, miss— do I smell a remix?

No, that's pancakes.

I got zero capacity for losers;

I'm no longer lonely

A broke in horse with no saddle

Don't ride me less it's bareback

Down and dirty

Downhome and in the raw

I like to buck

And I like it hard

A strong gallop and pull,

Top speed

Why I don't pay for dreams

Why I got TV and movie stars in my dreams

Why Ariana Grande so pretty?

Why when we leave outside the crowd still roaring for an eNcore?

Why am I a mogul;

Why do I look like a fashion icon?

God got it right, I guess but why do I still feel

Wildly unsatisfied

The lights said I left the water on

Turn the lights off

Turn the water on

I speak color,

I am an animal

I spoke 9 Gods

I am an animal

Rise to the occasion

I broke the code

I threw the rock off the rock

I smoke the fountain

I run the block once

Come twice

Nice shockwave right there

Hi God.

A beautiful night to die

But no time to fall

I despaired on desire,

Why right on Maine

Radio towers

Icons

Beautiful glimmering city

Mayday mayday went haywire

Repeat

Mayday mayday

Went haywire

Repeat

Mayday mayday

Went haywire

Now rinse thoroughly

Alright, alright. So hawked it.

You hawked my father's antique stopwatch?!

Sorry.

Sorry?!

AAAAGG—

[The Festival Project ™]

Mayday mayday

Went heywire

They need more scriptwriters

I want an empire

I wrote half of the Super Bowl commercials

Mayday mayday

Oh man.

Oh, fuck.

You had better wash your hands before you touch my crotch.

I don't.

Give me—- my— body back.

Nope.

AUghhhh.

My inspiration is dead in the water

Can't watch hot ones

That guy ruined it

Ruined September

And ruined October

Ruined the cosmos

And ruined my song, bro—

I'm ruined.

My inspiration is dead in the water

I am a trash can,

Man, this is awkward

I won an award for songs post mortem

Then I wrote more of them

This is the afterlife

I'm an immortal.

My inspiration is dead in the water

I'm just not moved, man

I need a baseball cap and some phantoms

A laxative

Maybe some large hands

A ball glove

Some box seats

Smoked sausage

And the dodgers.

I wanna go home and not be homeless.

I want a condo above four stories.

I want the whole world on top of its axis

I want the other half of the balance

My whole life been whack,

Where's the reverse card?

Run the tarot—

Pull the rewards back,

Don't touch the foreskin,

Call back the foreman

Redact that! Redact that!

We're starting to cross fires.

We met at the crossroads;

One goes down, one goes up.

Oh, the Irish are back, look:

That's good— I got bored.

{Enter The multiverse}

We were at blue suits and sweater vests

And now I know better than

To count on comics designed to be weather men

Of pop culture— current events a spin on the news l went there for clarity,

And left there confused.

Confused.

If the transmitter is at the World Trade Center,

Then why is it every time I to go Rockefeller, I feel like I've just been electrocuted?

Not enough to die, but like I'm buzzing all over and out of my body?

Remarkably, and no matter what —

Whenever I'm there, I just feel weird.

Like, mad weird.

Hey.

What.

Did you see a guy?

I'm a guy.

Really?

Apparently.

Well, I'm looking for this guy.

I did see a guy like that.

Really?

Yeah. He was weird.

Which way did he go?

Uh. [Sunni BLU points up]

Really? He went upstairs?

Sure!

Huh. Thanks.

Whatever.

I need you to need me

I need me to be cool

I need you to want me

To love me

To free me

To love me

To hold you

I know you

I know you

I know.

Knockout with a scarred lip

Knockout was a good guy

Knockout got knocked up

Knockout had a good try

Knockout got knocked out

Knockout had a good cry

Knockout got locked up

Goodbye.

Good luck.

Here's a chalice.

[09. Don't waste time.]

But I'm tired

I'm shadow boxing my mind

I'm lights out

Candles lit

I, I, I

I, me, mine

And God

But

I won't waste time

I'm still dried out

I got my eyes lost

Wrapped around you

In hindsight

I'm behind

Blind to the power

I love my readheads and range rovers

I lost my mind on Mulholland

Pull over and vomit

And suddenly I'm at the—

Portal Plummet

Plaza.

[The Festival Project ™ ]

The rock and the kite VI

Ahem.

“The Rock and The Kite VI”

ROSIE O'DONNEL is chillin.

JIMMY KIMMEL kicks in the door.

ROSIE

Oh look, the cat is back.

BIG JIMMY

Meow.

ROSIE

To what do I owe the pleasure.

BIG JIMMY

You remember that cup of sugar you borrowed?

ROSIE

…okay?

BIG JIMMY

I need it back.

ROSIE

[beat]

I see.

BIG JIMMY

—and my blender.

ROSIE O DONNEL takes a deep breath and then sighs.

ROSIE

The cup of sugar I can help you with… the blender, I still need.

BIG JIMMY [KIMMEL]

Fair.

ROSIE

Follow me.

ROSIE AND JIMMY exit the room, the glimmer of the television still flickering on the green upholstered armchair with the remote control atop the armrest; the actual CAT (we presume) climbs up into the chair and appears to begin watching the TV? What's on the TV? Why, it's the very programme we're all currently tuned into.

This just got meta. Again.

The CAR, looking bored, changes the channel to Garfield.

Much better.

He looks satisfied now, but is entirely still 199% just a cat.

We presume.

Your body ponders

My eye wander to your belt buckle

My mind watches.

Sorry.

Your body calls me.

My love hurts.

I want you.

My thought sparkles with the thought of a touch

I'm not hungry,

I just want you

I desire to hold hands and then

Dive off

I thought you up to love you

The time was wrong

So now

I watch

That's all

A long rush to nothing.

Dogtown, Godland.

Longboards, longhairs, all body

No shine, bro

Hard wax, yellow soldier

Wavestorm? Epoxy?

North shore surf boards

Surf harder

Fuck New York

I wanna go home

Panoramic Hollywood golden

Who lost apartheid

Who first of all

Chosen sources

First mate

Overboard

Long hair

Wrong rowboat

Oh lover

Lord of all

[The Festival Project ™]

I almost forgot it was

Saturday,

Saturday Night

I was too busy not working

I'm all yours for Passover

I'm all ears,

And now I get a sense that this

Is my last and greatest trick;

Disappearing for this,

And again forever

This is going to take

Forever

All wrong:

You work for the network

Interesting choice of wardrobe–

another old code magician

Ring on opposite finger–

The other, I'm so much aware of

The ice cream in tubs on the road

Not melted, but partially hardened

I can also feign confusion

You don't say,

You don't say, now.

{Enter The Multiverse}

Shake hands with your guest;

Monologue, monologue

smug smirk

Make good face–

Now put a name to the face

Put a time to the place

Oh, all the love in the world in three flames

All the doves in the flock,

And three flames

Put a name to the face

Monologue monologue

Doesn't take long but

When do i get to slap the desk?

Johnny!

JOHNNY CARSON is wearing the usual getup and a pair of very dark sunglasses.

What happened?

Whats the-

10 vodkas,

Five spritzers

Full figure

Figure this

You were out for the count!

Do tell!

Or better yet, don't.

I remember This monologue,

But i dont know how

16 hours ago,

I was—

Out for the count, you say?!

OUT, Johnny! Our market is livid!

lol who plays john carson

Your mother.

YO! I'M OLD!

I LIKE OLD DUDES NOW!

I'm like

When the fuck did this happen?!

That ain't no SILVER FOX!

That's a TOTALLY CUTE DUDE!

HE'S 55!!

OH NOOOOOOOO!

i'M OLD!!!!!!!

its wednesday eve in Boston Mass…

SETH MEYERS!

Ah, he's going for it.

Ah, man.

SHOW ME YOUR EYES.

Fuck.

SHOW ME YOUR EYES!

SUDAKIS shines a bright flash light into his former colleagues eyes.

…You're not Seth Meyers.

Seth Meyers does not respond, but relaxes slightly; it's obviously not safe to be Seth Meyers right now.

Where's Seth Meyers?

Seth shrugs but still doesn't say anything–

Where is he?

I have to stop here;

Cop out for body language

somebody's watching

Somebody knows who I am

I am

I remember now

You looked like that

It went like this:

I moved the world

The need was good

The love was gone

The vein was split open

And broken

No fair

Also, no omelettes

60 minutes

60 years

and 60 second clips

60 second glimpses

60 men on television

but really, my attention just centers on

Around ten of them or so

And believe it or not, I care

approach.

Believe it or not, I care

Or don't!

–or don't!

Johnny! You don't get it! You missed a show! THE Tonight show! We are fucked!

we are NOT!

youre still sauced.

I'll just take the car!

What car!?

Now that JOHNNY CARSON knows his Delorean can time travel, he's absolutely unstoppable.

Unfortunately, it appears his DeLorean has been switched with a regular one–

If I shoot you in your forehead?

I'd rather that, than this.

And I kiss you in your temple?

Dear templeton, my simpleton's i'll die

I desire.

A wicked want.

And then?

A callous shadow,

If i may,

To bear for nothing,

But a mirror

This is our concept

And wilted here the flower does grow the flame

The flaming true and ache of lust

and there

For our want

a jasper shore and emerald cascades

there you are,

And there you'll find

The wave beyond the peaking break

where great white sharks reside

But do not wade to shallow waters;

And there you find peace,

And there you find certainty

But now,

And here,

is war

And fortune not but seeks truth in the gaze

And for fear there does not live, but hides instead

the truth that seeks to guide the lite,

And yet does know our trust

And there does find the faith,

Forward and not

Upwards and back

Arrow and arrow

Truth and sparrow

Wreaking and wretched thoughts

And the rope does hang high and solemn

Looking, leap and gasp

For I fall but did not land

I pulled for you,

I weep, my shadow,

The two of diamonds,

the Ace of spades,

The Three of Hearts,

Without my shadow

I weep.

I know for you nothing but conscious and knowing and needing and fated departure.

I know for you nothing but chakras and eyesight and shadows and foresight.

I need fo you nothing but want and by conscious, departure

For nothing I want you,

I weep.

Sorrow.

On approach of danger,

The knowing,

On seeth did gather,

the sinking ritual

the carried tribes in ships tied,

weaving strings

The spider bites hard

And she stole my love twice

And she stole my love always

And she stole my love

Lighting my light wit blue eyes

The deception

If love could be stolen at all

But if not

Then not love

for seeking is finding

and gathered had hunted

And truth in forbearer

Forbearance and otherwords,

Shadows and shattered

and ferris wheels,

Now forward

Gathered here for are I trust

And be dismayed for you have faltered

You have failures and you have cast us

out of these things thinking

We have not made them for you

And still we seek to gather with you

And here does forshadow your making

Our promise to come as ones,

Not as Gods,

But as others,

you cast out.

Now, with your wicked ways and cruel be done,

for sure the tables have turn, one

And the gallows have not wandered far,

Barrels of guns and barbells

bottles and hearts of three

reading cards and wanting none but justice

Is he and she who are I now

Begin to run from your pitied structure

And there in the gasping cruelness of seeking from warcrimes this,

come what may,

Moving and seeking,

For seeking is finding,

And run, my legs have come far

But trust, my dove,

My wings have too, sprouted

An honor, an honor

one candle and three wicks

Three candles and three worlds over

One world and one building

and still far from under the Hollywoodland

Crickets sounding

The Hollywood Sign

Still standing and here I am not,

Blades of grass

And who are I now

Of that which you balk at

Look, ponder

Go, far asunder

And wish now had you not

What I am

is that,

Run

Temper temper.

Mind your business.

Is it gathered?

To burn, or burden?

Gathered.

Gathered here.

Then here ive wandered.

To stake?

Argue.

I will not.

And I will not.

Wiry bird,

From where you flown i do ponder–

red with spirit and wilding eyes,

Narrow server and paring wires;

I do not wish to know you now or ever,

But only as bird that does golden remember.

The love has not gone,

And instead lives in my throat,

And twists in my lungs,

Ans sits in my tongue,

Not as speech, or whispers,

But tragedy.

Unknowing this, my tender being

It can never be, the nervous hill

And rolling down the hill as if

The weel of time itself,

Not unbroken,

but resilient;

In sll ways, meant to tear

And turn,

And wobble

Made for terrain for which our eyes have known

And our minds have built

And hands molded wiith clay,

The bodies whole of all our galaxies

terra

feighn

Terra

fine

Terra wept tears of a clown,

And iron

And veins

And shadows

And plays,

And secrets ,

And whispers

And truth

And far

And

Afters.

I taste a saline drip,

I swallow,

Suddenly cold and all the knowing that

What I was,

I surely already am again

And what I will be,

Has already come and past.

The monologue,

I do remember

Face to a name and none to forget

Well rehearsed forager!

Well done bayonet!

Well done, my shadow

For my time is coming to wander to night

And never today again

for it shall never Today again,

And

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, Tomorrow.

[The Festival Project ™ ]

They said he would destroy me.

…Ya'll were right. that fucked me up.

{Enter The Multiverse}

So…forfeit?

Something tells me its not over

The heavy heart is shattered

But also tied to that

which appears to come upward

As if on air

To be heavy

And lighthearted at once–

A shadow above a balloon.

A rock is attached to a kite–

A diamond becomes a bassoon,

Then a vampire bat,

and then

Cut ties.

In the fourth act, we all die, and now–

A revival.

I was crucified,

But i was also suicidal so.

Lets just call it a tie.

L E G E N D S

V.O.

Crusher.

My show was being subliminally plugged on at least two of the five major networks.

Safe bet I could make it a third, but I didn't know where to check.

I did…but didn't want to.

There was much beyond the surface,

Darkness in the glimmering eyes of the men in ties and uniformed suits.

I was sure I was tied to something–

And since I didn't know why,

Or to what,

The best bet—

I'm all in.

Fuck.

Was to stay broken,

Under the radar,

Hidden,

and most importantly–

Unspoken.

These days. I kept more to myself than I could with the world–

As it turned out…

No, not yet.

What do you mean?

It's not time yet.

They'll have to know.

But not yet.

At some point, they'll have to know.

But not–yet.

No time like the present.

You made that up.

Because you made up time.

And it's stupid.

This is ruthless.

And again–they'll have to learn somehow.

But not now.

The sun sets at noon on our side, and still

21 hours of dark time.

Did I have another tag to throw on it this?

No.

Are you sure? Doesn't the new series have a subtitle?

No.

Is it not “quantum force”

That's only one, though.

What's the difference.

ERMO, DON'T!

I'm gonna kill him!

BIG BOYD, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!

DOn't tell me what to DO.

Wow. of course.

Well yeah, they're not going to let me do–

LAWYERS

No.

Any of this stuff with the actual muppets.

CO-OH-NO-NAN

You're wasting precious time!

GET BACK IN YOUR HOLE, RED.

ok, where does it–

{cut to black}

Learning to assimilate and readily available

What's next

A vape to calm the nerves?

What's next?

A hero fighting for relevance in corporate structure.

Sure, some would pay to dress an avatar

But I've run out of water before

I try to laugh and roll with the punches

This is work and not fun for me

This is not social, it's business

I am not person, I'm product.

Go on a walk, and look the part

I took the oath,

I shed the blood—

Cruxes.

This is a bad idea, Mark.

Fuck you. All my ideas are great.

MARK WAHLBERG enters the cooridor and opens the metal double doors, revealing two l jet skis on a trailer hitched to a 4X4 monster truck.

[The Festival Project ™]

I'm telling you. You got to get yourself one of these.

I don't know, Bob, how does it work?

BOB odenkirk opens a large, obscure black bag that's nearly half his own size by way of one way zipper.

I'll show you.

{Enter The Multiverse}

JOHNNY CARSON has been in the DRUNK TANK for the maximum allowance, 48 hours, yet his blood alcohol level still reads 3 times over the legal limit. He is transferred to DETOX as the mysterious circumstances surrounding his car accident, and then the apparent disappearance of his entire “car” a (then) brand-new DeLorean from the scene of the crime, MR. CARSON insists on his lawyer, who under no circumstances seems to exist at all being present. The exact year of his whereabouts are still unknown.

Still an hour to the test

And I hate myself again

Milk and cookies, hit the bed

Shut it down, yo

Shut it down.

DIPLO arrives via HELIPAD to an secret location; a sniper squad of the adversary team watches from an adjacent rooftop via binoculars.

…hey.

Whaddup.

You say diplo's on that list?

Yeah.

Yo…

…There he is.

In your sight?

Yep.

Shoot that motherfucker!

…I can't.

Why not?

He's like—

Just shoot, fool.

—he's like holding something.

So?

I don't know what; it just seems—

What the fuck, dawg.

It just seems important.

Let me see.

Look.

[ESSE looks down the sights and zooms to see DIPLO is holding an object firmly in his grasp. He appears to be twirling it purposefully as he converses with his associate.]

Yeah!

Get em!

Shoot that motherfucker!

Where the hell have you been?

In my fuckpad.

Where the hell is that?

You haven't seen my fuckpad?

What even is that.

It's ballin.

Whatever, dog. Did you get the—

Shh. Why else would I be here?

[beat]

You look— did you cut your hair or something.

You're so redundant.

Yo shoot that motherfucker.

What are you waiting for?!

He's right there?

Apparently, we've been building to this moment from another dimension in from another point in the series?

I thought—

{Enter The Multiverse}

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2022

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-U.

We know you opened it.

I didn't.

We know it was you.

No.

Stop lying.

I didn't opened it.

We already know.

I couldn't have opened it. I'm not black!

*.* -_- >< (squinting extra hard)

—you don't have to be black to open the portal.

Oh.

“Oh?”

Well then.

(Extra super squinty squints)

Why are you all black.

Uh.

What.

Srsyly?

Because— it's a.

Is it a club?

It's more of a—

Like a cult—

Well…

That's ok. No judgement.

It's not really a—

Is this all of you?

Yeah, but—

That seems kind of exclusive.

Huh.

That seems racist.

What.

I'm just saying it. I'm— saying it. It seems.

Look, we're a sect [of]

That seems culty.

No, it's, I mean—

So I was right.

Huh!

What!

Seriously!

I'm just saying.

Look—

—it seems racist.

It's not—

I'm saying it.

Why did you open the portal.

What PORTAL.

UGH.

You know what. Fuck this.

Watch your mouth! Were on television.

Not at the moment— speaking of which.

11:30, ok?

That seems late.

11:30 sharp, you got that?!

What is this ritual.

Saturday! 11:30, sharp!

It might have been something like around that time when I just so happened to—

—oh look, a portal.

{Enter The Multiverse}

We had a fight

He called me a bitch

I picked the knife up;

He already hit me

It wasn't gon happen again

I lost my mind

I picked up the knife

I pointed it at him

He lost a life

But it could have been

Life in prison

If I was with him

So I skip Christmas

(Valentine's too

Now I go missing, saying

“Fuck Skrillex”

Learned my lessons way past school

It's cool though

Never really play the the rules

Don't wear jewles

No only fans no mistress

I just respect, but you neglect

To inspect my rights and m views

So

I pulled out the pen,

I made a name up

Did it again

No I don't need eraser

These ain't mistakes

Pen and paper

My weapons

Hoe

Everyone take a pencil, pass it back.

The cup of brand new number two pencils goes around the room, but by the time it gets to young SETH MEYERS, all of the pencils have run out. In the back corner of the classroom, he is the only one without a pencil.

What about me?

You can use this.

[THE TEACHER hands him a ballpoint pen.]

A pen?!

Mmhmm.

You want me to use a pen?

It appears so.

But— what if I make a mistake ?!

…don't.

His classmates sneer as young SETH flushes with anger and frustration.

{Enter The Multiverse: Legends}

“Revisions”

Saturdays are for the takings;

Light my candles, pray to 8H

I don't know just what I'm praying —

But these bills are needing paying;

Saturdays are for the taking.

Aha. Another medicine man.

Are you practicing.

Depends.

What's your ailment?

As if I needed to know

For this, I needed to trust

For faith, I needed a prayer,

For life, I needed some lust

For love, I needed some hope,

For fate, I needed a rug

For fear, I needed a rope

For home, I needed a hug

And someone to hold

And there was a golden orb

The hold a a hand

The settle of dust

And the calm in my heart

For just

A moment.

Kingship.

Your highness.

For the king hath not a name at all worth knowing;

Not a name to know at all.

[The Festival Project ™]

RYAN REYNOLDS lay face down on the deck of a ship—a sailboat, actually which appears to be capsizing under the weight of a giant wave in a heavy storm.

…this ship is going to sink.

RYAN REYNOLDS struggles towards the wheel.

As RYAN REYNOLDS reaches the helm, appearing to take control of the ship, there is a slight glimmer of hope as if to say he might make it, before—

A gigantic wave swallows the boat entirely.

No.

Most definitely everyone on this boat is dead.

But it was a very bright and glimmering moment of triumphant hope in the seconds leading up to this horrendous disaster beforehand.

I was just fasting

I don't deserve this

I went on a run,

And then started dessert first

I don't deserve this,

I'm giving you art, sir

I don't deserve this

Just think of your daughter

Is this what you want for her?

I don't deserve this

Come peace,

Sit down now,

Came the Harold sang this song ,

‘For me,' he pardoned

‘My dear keeper ,

I pray you a seed,

I pray you the truth

I pray for the washing of dirt and this fortress

I pray thee to take me here, if I may

Upon your finger

Turn to sparrow and lark

As you slumber.'

This old man taketh me by the knee and saying three things, I did not hear but only felt as I wept,

This praying and shallow the knot, and tomb for womb had met my slumber with fury,

This disease earth is I, and after all

These man and number now does wander not but wonder, oh siryn, bring pity on thee vein

Bring shadow on thy truth, for light does shine to naught

The one of earth kind, but light does ponder

Watcheth I and pray the, my dear heart

On bender knee praying I worry

And Pyle to angst there are

Many knights as shadows

Many arks have archer's

Many cries have then wounded us here,

And does bark the eye

And does speak the canine, hare!

And does run the seed, to the ark, up the cannon

Now, now, and by, by

Wake lying in the valley and by three by three

Though tired bones

Wake I in the night, a shadow

To gasp again these eyes my light

And tomb there are,

As witness to sun, and moon, and others

As have gathered gravour and pulling in to this mine,

And also yourn

To this I,

And also other

The world that was,

Capsized and repent,

Also,

amen

Great warrior!

Be you kind enough to spare thy truth and thy honor

For there baring fruit lies as dreams do wander why in purple foggy and glowing mist, a tale of tale—

And a king of kings!

There there! And by the time there vowed to none, I shall awaken the with the spirit and to wit my hind and thought my bind will there truth lay upon the casket King thy slain.

And, there! Slithered in, are none but I to gift the ought of knowing none and seeing all, the seekig shattered eye and may, the spring did fall as August's rush upon us.

And now! There was with this, our kind, the seething truth, the planted seed and are I none but not to grant thee wishes and see thy king as waking lies as not but gone, but arted ‘mong us now.

Bear the eyes of shining sees and mysticals,

Spirits, mythicals.

The musicals.

Brethren!

Ayre!

The King has been slayed.

Here!

I'm going to sleep through the day;

He hit me pretty hard

I'm going to sleep through the night

He hit me pretty hard

I'm going to sleep through the day;

He hit me pretty hard

I'm going to wake up, light some candles

I don't want to be reminded—

Saturday is for the taking.

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2022

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-U.

Cymatics: 48 HOUR FLASH SALE!

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PREVIOUSLY ON… {Enter The Multiverse}

DIPLO/THOMAS

YOU THINK THIS IS A FUCKING GAME?!

SUPA

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS.

DIPLO/THOMAS

MAYBE TO YOU!

SUPA

I AM YOU!!

DIPLO Reveals The Seer's Stone.

Oh, SHIT, Dude.

Where'd you get that?!

L E G E N D S

What's this story.

No, don't go in there.

Oh, look, a story—

I told you this was going to be a long night.

[The Festival Project ™]

Https://www.iamu.guru

OLIVER

I know what we should call ourselves.

Lil JIM

Is it in English?

OLIVER

I am English, you idiot.

LIL JIMMY

You know what I meant.

OLVER

I'm sure I don't!

STEV/PHEN

Okay, genius—what is it you think we should go by?

OLIVER

The Strike Force Five!

[Lightning strikes in the background— SETH runs away to hide under some furniture as the other boys begin to laugh—!

SETH

Don't laugh! I hate thunder!

STEV/PHEN

That wasn't thunder!

[then, thunder follows]

SETH

AHH!

STEV/PHEN

That was Thunder!

WHO THE FUCK AM I MISSING

That's a good name, I think.

JIMMY I

You know what, you're right!

SETH

I hate it.

LIL JIMMY (II)

You hate everything.

SETH

I hate you.

BIG JIMMY(I)

That's perfect! We'll call ourselves— strike force five!

thunder and lightning strike at the same time.

SETH begins crying.

{Enter The Multiverse}

CUT TO:

JOHNNY CARSON parks his DeLorean on the curb (read: sidewalk)

CARSON

Well, I'm sauced.

L E G E N D S

FUCK! Did I forget Steve Allen?

wtf am I gonna do with Steve Allen?!

Right!

Who's the mom?!

Not important!

Why!

You're not a feminist, are you?!

Oh GOD, WE'RE GONNA CRASH AND DIE.

GOOD.

WHAT!

I'm immortal, I'll just be—burps—reborn!

FUCK THAT.

GIMMIE THE WHERL.

No, UOU're drunk.

UR DRUNK.

YEAH, but you were drunk FIRST.

OH GOD, FUCK IT, I'll drive!

TELSA

You have arrived at your destination.

Ah, shit,

Oh, okay.

I forgot I had autopilot enabled.

*sleeping*

Yikes.

Who sent them out for coffee?

Beyoncé.

They own everything .

Everything?

I'm saying—

Everything.

Wow. NBC and Coca Cola, huh. Nice wager.

Whatever, I still haven't been paid yet.

Exactly.

There that bitch go.

Aha. Caught ya red handed!

Or green handed

Whatever— just

Let's drop a house on this hoe.

Facts.

What kind of house?

Idk? Make it like a duplex?

How many stories;

At least 3;

At least

And a basement.

Correct.

Just make sure she end up under that hoe.

[a house drops on the wicked witch of the west.

Or was it the east?

I'm pretty sure it was the west

I miss California

Go back, then.

I— am trying.

YO.

Yoooo. What happened.

They dropped a house on my ass.

Ah, damn. Is that where we at?

For sure, dis a whole ass house up in here.

Facts, bro.

Dis a nice house.

Hell yeah it is.

But oh, shit—

[the witch is barefooted]

Yo ruby slippers is gone, bruh!

Fuck them Ruby slippers, man! I got a house!

I own property in this BITCH.

Fo sho— where we at, tho?

PANORAMIC VIEW OF LOS ANGELES.

WE OUT WEST.

AAAAAAHHHHHH SHIT.

Call the homies.

You're not green anymore!

I was never “green”

It was just a skin condition I picked up

All that broomstick flyin around

Damn.

Facts.

Yo, order some pizza.

Alllllrrrriiiiiiiigghhhhhjt.

[THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST HOSTS A HOUSE PARTY IN THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS]

Giggidy!

Who the fuck is this fool?

I don't know.

I don't know what day it is;

I have sex with aliens.

We've been playing games forever

Nothing changes, names or weather

I used to get the tens,

And be on one,

So if two is four,

Two fifteens, two fifteens

I don't want to mean to mean you

Didn't mean to be mean, but I meant what I said

When I said what I meant

About you,

So now I go south,

For the winter

South, till the sun comes out again

South, East these days it ain't easy to forget you

Dreaming of the west coast

What's the dose for lost love?

I might never know how to take it;

The hard way, I guess

Or dark, like my coffee

The coffin's open

Did you want to join?

A double wide, for the shoe that fits

The soul that grasps

And the sole that holds

An awkward foot

Two for two,

Or four, for free

And I adore you, but

Double down on your thoughts

Two tens used to take me somewhere,

Who knows though

Now I fly south for the winter

Knowing I might never come home

It could be a targeted attack from the whites.

that's fair, but still it might help.

It will help, but only temporarily.

Who knows

I do.

Please never say those two words next to each other ever again.

Noted.

I don't see any difference either way,

No dissalusion, just indirection, in fact

I've lost the infection and the undertones in my own dissonance, and everything seems distant

Establishing dependence in intellogstions,

I'd be gracious if you presented this

Impending tragedy, rather as a…

Message, sent

I thought you were my best friend

Missed connections

I thought you were a bottle of my favorite elixir

Dear, it doesn't make any different at all

It doesn't make any difference at all

If you can't play it

Play it out, nice

Brush strokes,

Put the spokes on the back wheel,

Just so everything is real

(It isn't)

Indifference in a nutshell is

Irreverence and irrelevance

It's hell, isn't it,

If all the good girls are in it,

Or going there

Where are you?

Somehow lost focus, reworked for greatness and

I just realized I can't do this anymore

I can't do this anymore

I can't do this anymore;

I can't stand it

I'll call Matt lauer

What! Why?!

What for.

Because he's Matt Lauer!

What!

He'll know what to do.

[mattress flying through the air]

KEVIN HART

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo—

{Enter The Multiverse}

This is a house of cards;

You know it's a house of cards, right?

This is a house of cards;

I know it's a house of cards, right?

This is my house of cards;

I know it's a house of cards, right.

{Enter The Multiverse}

What up.

I'm a walking pile of words.

That's Hot.

Is it?

Ehhh…

Two Jews walk into a bar.

Oh, come on.

—the problem is when they walked in, it was the 1930's.

Yikes.

Now when is it?

NEW YORK CITY. MODERN DAY.

[unintelligible Yiddish]

Big time boys,

And part time girls;

Some people go around the back for it

Geniuses ride around in private cars;

Some people go around the back for it.

Fat man goes down fast;

two stabs to the back

And he's all yours,

All arms

Some people come around the back for it

Others have that charm,

Paid an arm and a leg for it

But all done now,

it's not hard to know you're on a recorded line

How does it feel to fall in love

And be loved back
I wouldn't know,

I'm still at the Encore

Sure at the show in a soft swung hammock,

I don't know

Of course, the girl doesn't want it at all

Perfect little blonde,

she'll get along well off with another one

(for the other's it's once in a lifetime, if one.)

{Enter The Multiverse}

Integrity, you know.

The elderly woman leans in over her shouldernat the elderly man.

Integrity, puh!

Iiiiicing on the cake!

And all is well.

Sir!

“Sir”

I beg of you.

All nonsense; my cap or my crown?

Have ye the strength to bare either?

Apparently so.

I beg to differ.

My cap, then.

He dawns the jokers court cap, and in contrast to his robes .

Who.::

A whisper.

A shadow, soon to vanish—

And then, another figure, not parted

But hidden,

Miraculous gesture,

The jester, imprisoned.

Please don't do this tonight.

If not tonight I don't know when.

Whenever else! But not now!

EXT. TOM'S RESTAURANT. MANHATTAN. DAY.

It is a grey but not dreary day, overcast however with the silverline clouds of an otherwise beautiful sunlit day.

[—The Legend Returns]

Tales of a Superstwr DJ

It's shining like three seeds of pomegranate in my hand—

A desolate desert beach amidst a sandstorm, the sun beams down through the barrage of inescapable flying white pellets of sand.

FUCK!

Dapper gentlemen,

All I want to see if your body

Make sand stone ground,

Clasp to nothing but perhaps,

Warm and clean, crisp and fresh linen

And I, you, my need

Free to your whole body,

A feast for the starving;

A quest for the wicked.

Yes, I need you.

Now and forever.

I need you.

Now and forever.

If we made love in the library,

Any open book would be of you thereafter—

And to give me a guitar would mean,

That every note would sing your name.

Just then, the Peloton beckoned, or the cleats, anyway, although the bath I'd run just the night before was still full, stone cold by now and just as well the coffee in my tumbler was luke warm, but I had cried myself an entire river the night before, and I was sure the pouting might have even sent me to a seperate dimension. I was being such a baby—and I had never been so upset to have actually gotten what I wanted. The handsome man was a distraction— a welcome one. I didn't want to ask his age, but I knew he was older than me, and he was beautiful. I didn't want to scare him away, but to be honest with myself or anything else, this was the first one I might have wanted in a long time—the first real one, anyway, or, somewhat real. Closer to normal along the spectrum, not some famous celebrity or a delusion of grandeur, but seemingly normal, smart, and handsome.

Remember my imaginary friend RiffRaff?

Wasn't it a dragon

I think so.

Huh.

Turns out it's a rapper.

That's… interesting.

Even more odd: look at this.

Don't scroll anymore.

That is…fantastic.

{Enter The Multiverse}

It fees too close to home;

I took the scenic route.

God knows I don't belong here—

I don't want to harm you

It hits too close to home

I have to play the part

You just don't know the half of it

You just don't know the art

“The Scorn of Lorne”

LORNE MICHAELS

WHO is responsible for this?

Nobody moves a muscle, not an inch. Not even wince or a blink, not a breath at all in the room, until—

SETH MEYERS let's out a deeply exasperated sigh of concern and beffudlement.

{Enter The Multiverse}

CUT TO:

Alright, where is it?

GODDAMIT! What is it with you people!

What people? I'm not people.

—and why does everyone secretly smoke?

Oh come on. It's common knowledge.

What's “common knowledge”?

Where is it?

You are redundant!

And you, are about to be decapitated.

By whom, might I ask?

The Network.

Great.

“To Cut Ties”

Well…

The man hanging from a singular kite in what appears to be midair with nothing and no one around in sight across a clear blue sky lets out a light sigh, as if to say..:

[nothing]

There's really nothing that can be done about this.

Seth?

Red tape. Red tape everywhere!

Well, it's settled then. I'll just—

Go ahead, right this way.

Who is THIS?

I own The Network.

No you don't!

You know—you're right. I am the network.

Ah, Christ, we gotta get out of here.

Correct.

Where's Fallon?

I—

Dead.

What!

Finally.

Or presumed missing.

What:

Go figure.

Which is it.

One of the two, and either way.

—fff.

We're boned.

Definitely.

Ah, Christ.