Things You Learn in Therapy

Ep 139: Breaking the Silence: How Modern Men Navigate Emotional Challenges with Dr. Tim Hess


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What happens when traditional masculinity meets modern mental health needs? Dr. Tim Hess, licensed psychologist and Associate Director for Clinical Services at Ball State University's Counseling Center, joins Dr. Beth Trammell to unpack the complex world of men's mental health in this thought-provoking conversation.

From the moment Dr. Hess introduces his metaphor of "deciding when to stop yelling at the tsunami and start surfing," listeners are drawn into a nuanced exploration of how masculinity scripts shape men's emotional lives. Drawing from his extensive experience working with college-age men, Tim reveals how traditional Western masculinity ideologies—focused on achievement, emotional control, and independence—continue to influence how men perceive themselves and their emotional needs, even as these scripts evolve across generations.

One of the most powerful insights emerges when discussing romantic relationships: many young men place all their emotional eggs in one relationship basket, leaving them devastated and without support when that relationship ends. This leads to the profound observation that "the moment you need a friend is not the moment to build friendship"—a universal truth that resonates far beyond the realm of men's mental health.

Throughout the episode, Dr. Trammell and Dr. Hess navigate the delicate balance of recognizing patterns in masculine socialization while honoring individual differences. They explore how therapy provides a safe space for vulnerability, the challenges men face in building meaningful friendships, and the often-undiscussed impact of body image and sexual performance concerns on men's self-perception.

Whether you're a mental health professional, someone who identifies as male, or simply interested in understanding how gender expectations shape emotional wellbeing, this conversation offers valuable insights into creating more supportive environments where vulnerability is welcomed rather than stigmatized. Join us for this engaging discussion and tune in next week when Dr. Hess returns to tackle the increasingly relevant topic of self-diagnosis.


This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please contact 988 or seek a treatment provider in your area.

If you are a therapist or psychologist and want to be a guest on the show, please complete this form to apply: https://forms.gle/ooy8QirpgL2JSLhP6

Feel free to share your thoughts at www.makewordsmatterforgood.com or email me at [email protected]

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Things You Learn in TherapyBy Beth Trammell PhD, HSPP

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