Patrons are in for some sleepless nights next week. Brace yourselves for a ghost tour. Voicemails makes a triumphant return with a hilarious drunk message for the hosts. "3 kisses are demanded upon entry of the abode, whether morning or night, on pain of death." Relationship contracts are a thing. What would be in ours? "Transparency is that thing that happens when I pee, right? The burning sensation?" -President Trump, who refuses to broadcast any of his press briefings for the first time in (televised) presidential history  Lose/lose: a new study found that pregnant women are judged in the workplace no matter what they do. Working women around the globe feign shock and surprise. Hidden from the Headlines reveals Norway is one bad mothafucka. 73% of Democrats would give up ________ to see Trump impeached tomorrow. Fill in the blank with us on The Number.  And in this week's After Dark: A study reveals Google knows a fuck more about us than we'd even guessed - and Andrew gets real.  Google That Shit tells us more about ourselves than others.  Speaking of Andrew: life update! Find out which city he'll be moving to in a few months and how best to stalk him.

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