One of the most important concepts you need to think about when going through the adoption process is whether you want to have an open adoption, semi-open adoption, or a closed adoption. In this episode, I’m going to tell you more about it and the things you need to consider when making this very big decision.

You need to figure out what’s going to be best for you, your child and your future. This is not an easy decision for people to make because there are so many considerations you have to think about. It’s important that you are able to equip yourself with knowledge. Read and research about it.

It’s okay to have mixed feelings, that’s normal. But make sure that what you’re going to be okay with the choice you make because it’s going to affect you and your child for the rest of your lives.

[07:47] In open adoptions, there’s a fully open relationship. It can be really open where you have contact with the birth mother or family on a weekly basis. The birth and adoptive families can exchange information, names, or even have get togethers.

[07:59] In semi-open adoptions the communications go through an agency such as sending letters, pictures every so often. Sometimes, it can also be arranging meetings with the birth family. The agency serves as the mediator between the birth and the adoptive families.

[09:43] Closed adoptions are more rare. There is no contact, information or exchange of anything. This mostly happens with international adoptions because children come from orphanages. But sometimes there are records on the birth family. Closed adoptions are very rare now in the United States.

[11:14] At the time of the adoption, birth mothers or parents decide what kind of adoption they want. This was originally not put into law until recently. It has been made part of the legal adoption agreement because some people have not been following through on what they originally talked about.

[12:25] You have to know what kind of adoption you’re okay before adopting. Adoption and agreements are not a one size fits all model.

[14:50] Some moms love open adoption but there are others who feel threatened by it. On the adoptive mom’s side, it can cause a lot of stress and anxiety.

[16:15] If you are entering into the adoption process, ask yourself what your comfort level is. You have to be okay with what you decide on because you have to live with it for the rest of your life.

[17:57] Adoption is always a journey. What’s best for a child may be different from a teenager’s. This is why we can’t have a one size fits all model because you want to have an open dialogue with your child as they grow.

[18:40] It is important to tell your child that they are adopted and to talk about it from a young age.

[20:42] In closed adoptions, sometimes there’s really no choice. It’s either they were adopted internationally or their birth mother or parents don’t want to have contact. It is sometimes hard for children as they grow older to not be able to understand where they come from, who their birth parents are. At some point, a child will want to know these things. To not have this information is really difficult on a kid.

[21:56] In a semi open adoption, there are also cases where birth mothers don’t want to have contact. WIth agencies, you can still send photos and they still keep records of the birth mother’s name. At some point in time, your child will still have access to that.

[24:20] As a psychologist, I come from the philosophy of everyone has a different experience because we’re always going to look out for the best interest of the child.

[25:28] When you are filling out the paperwork and deciding what adoption is right for you, consider these things - what you want and what you are comfortable with. These are hard decisions to make. Read about it, do you research, and make your decision based on the best interest of the child.

 

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