A new era of Mystery Crate officially begins — and it starts the only way we know how: arguing about the cold open, bullying each other’s “sexy voice,” and accidentally creating a year-long competition that will absolutely ruin friendships.
In this episode, we introduce Zas Storytime (Z-Storytime?), where Zas takes us back to old sports lore — including the day Glenn Rice dropped 56 and Zas basically chose basketball over Passover (no regrets). Then it gets even weirder: the infamous Bar Mitzvah shirt story (and the hunt for the legendary tank top continues).
Plus: Punch the Monkey returns to the group chat thanks to a wild Christian Bale clip, the crew debates WWE and Elimination Chamber, and someone makes the case that Tom Brady vs Logan Paul might actually be a thing (Vegas energy!).
And because the internet demanded it: we break down the viral McDonald’s CEO vs Burger King CEO burger bite videos — including the most timid bite in fast-food history and why calling a burger an “excellent product” is a red flag.
Finally, the big moment: we pick captains for the brand-new Mystery Crate team competition — a season-long format with drafts, trades, and enough petty scorekeeping to power the show for months.

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