Zach Harper, Mo Dakhil and Wosny Lambre want all car purchases to come with chicken tenders now.

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Tom Haberstroh, Amin Elhassan and producer Anthony Mayes are working on their Parker Posey drawls to mock Duke's tough exit from the Final Four.

Tonight is Luka Doncic's grand return to Dallas, and thanks to Marc Stein's reporting, a new influential figure has emerged in the sequence of events that led to the stunning trade.

The Denver Nuggets stunningly cleaned house during our recording, firing Michael Malone (and GM Calvin Booth) with three games left in the regular season as the NBA continues to up the ante.

Finally, master codebreaker Draymond Green is on the precipice of the greatest defensive play of his career: stealing the DPOY award from Evan Mobley's grasp because he spoke it into existence.

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Zach Harper, Mo Dakhil and Wosny Lambre have to remind you that while A-Rod bought a team, Jeter did it clean.

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Tom Haberstroh, Amin Elhassan and producer Anthony Mayes aren't satisfied with simply running leagues; it might be time to make a league from scratch.

Truth Teller Tim 'Banned' MacMahon returns to the program to discuss his new book 'The Wonder Boy', which chronicles the Luka Doncic era in Dallas up until his stunning trade.

Banned also helps us unpack the Taylor Jenkins firing in Memphis, the staffing changes made behind the bench and Ja Morant's future with the organization.

Basketball Illuminati is now part of the Count The Dings Network.

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Zach Harper, Mo Dakhil and Anthony Mayes are ready to launch their own franchises in Europe.

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This week's docket, Do You Believe:

Basketball Illuminati is now part of the Count The Dings Network.

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Tom Haberstroh, Amin Elhassan and producer Anthony Mayes recognize the Chicago Bulls defying convention with their starting lineup last Saturday.

Sometimes we set the Agenda, as national writers around the league have opened their third eyes to the massive tankjobs currently underway.

Dan Hurley crashed out following a loss to Florida in March Madness, and to think he could be coaching Luka Doncic right now.

Tom Did His Own Research on James Harden cookie jar fouls and searches for the outlier of all outlier stats.

Basketball Illuminati is now part of the Count The Dings Network.

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Zach Harper, Mo Dakhil and Wosny Lambre are here to tell you that NYC Hoop is back!

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The energy of Tom Haberstroh, Amin Elhassan and producer Anthony Mayes is contagious.

It's Tanking season, kid! Inexplicable DNPs, 4th quarter benchings and season shutdowns abound from sandbagging coaches all across the association.

We Do Our Own Research to give a second opinion on New Owner Syndrome, assess whether it's a proper diagnosis and even develop a cure!

Basketball Illuminati is now part of the Count The Dings Network.

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Zach Harper, Mo Dakhil and Wosny Lambre's trading window is done tomorrow, IYKYK.

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This week's docket, Do You Believe:

Basketball Illuminati is now part of the Count The Dings Network.

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ILLUMINATI MERCH HAS RETURNED - Check it out here: https://bit.ly/CTDMERCH

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Tom Haberstroh, Amin Elhassan and producer Anthony Mayes are here to report on conspiracy theories, much to Jason Kidd's frustration.

LeBron James publicly confronted Stephen A. Smith courtside not as a basketball player, but as a father. Meanwhile, Charles Barkley called out 'fool' Kendrick Perkins for his talking points. What was the hidden agenda for all parties?

Truth Teller Ben Alamar, the former Director of Sports Analytics at ESPN, joins the show to discuss a study he presented at the Sloane Conference with Dean Oliver on Quantifying Chemistry between NBA players.

Basketball Illuminati is now part of the Count The Dings Network.

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ILLUMINATI MERCH HAS RETURNED - Check it out here: https://bit.ly/CTDMERCH

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