If you have a thing for beautiful women and spiders, then you're in the right place. If you're like me and run away in a panic from both of those things... stay put and face your fears head on. We could also use the plays... The Jorōgumo is a sexy spider lady that wants strapping young men to come on over fill her up... with blood! If you thought you were gonna get it on with a random MILF chizzilin in woods just offering "the woopy" to the first person she sees, you are sadly mistaken, my freaky friend. Try rubbing ickies with this fine box of wine and you'll find yourself in one sticky situation.

 This one goes out to all the shitters of the world! Grab some brewskies and buckle up, cos Christine is gonna take you for one Hell of a ride! Just make sure you don't spill your drink on the seat, unless your ass is ready to be obliterated by the haunted 1958 Plymouth Fury.  Whether it's an unholy possession, or objectophilia, Arnie immediately falls in love with a strange old car named Christine. When this love quickly turns into a disturbing obsession, Arnie's best friend, Dennis, and human girlfriend, Leigh, are forced to step up and end this lubed up, greasy, tailpipe-fucking nonsense before it goes... even further than it already has? Brandon and I(Josh), both know that these confrontational interventions never end as well as you'd hope. Joe was a handful back in the day... put both our mama's in the hospital. But we never gave up on him; now he's gone 4 years without fucking a gumball machine, he's in a podcast that's almost too successful, and he's the proud step-father of yours truly... So Christine's pretty good. Check this shit out.

"Disappointment is the nurse of wisdom."

-Sir Boyle Roche

"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope"

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy – the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation."

-Eric Hoffer

"Assuming is the root of all disappointments."

-Rogienel Reyes

Nine Lives is by no means a disappointment.... because I knew exactly what I was getting into. I didn't lose that hour and a half of my life to that movie... I gave it to it. I wasn't thrown off by the horrible acting... I was expecting it. Did I cry during scenes featuring tragedy and loss? Yes... cos I realized I wasn't as close to finished with the movie as I thought I was. Don't ever watch this movie. Instead... listen to us talk about it... yeahhh... do that.

 Tip-Toe on in my precious, little prize. For I've something to bestow upon your innocent eyes. A tragic loss is never fun, but now a vacancy awaits. Explore the red room, tiny dancer, thou shalt decide all of your fates. Secrets undone after blood has been spilt, but remain stagnant in your bed. Or choose to get up, turn the Iris around and risk loosing your head. Suspiria (1977) get yo ass in here... it's too good to miss.

 Drag your ass in here and allow us to be the haunting, demonic voices in your head! Drag Me to Hell is fun, fresh, and full of enough jump scares to make you go, "yeah, that was alright..."! Hope you're into watching people get mouthfuls of bodily fluids and other gnarly juices, cos this movie is all about it's barf-worthy(and almost intimate) mouth-to-mouth moments. Vomité mucho. ante la vil imaginería. En el gore. Y sobre todo la actuación... But if that's not your thing, then perhaps you'll stay for the deep lesson to be learned from this story... I don't know what it is, but maybe you'll find something in there. So turn off RuPaul's Drag Race. Drag a chair over this way. Take a drag of whatever your smoking tonight. And tell the dragon in the corner of your room to SHUT THE FUCK UP... Cos it's Fangs for Draggin' time, baby.

 Put a rubber on cos shit's about to get fucked! And when you're done coating that banana with chocolate, take a seat, cos we're gonna talk about Rubber! A movie that initially seems so simple but starts to get your wheels turning. A film that goes deeper than you could imagine. A plot that spins with so much centrifugal force, you can't help but lose yourself. Roll into this diabolical, buttfuckery with us as we leave skid marks all over yo mama's tarmac! 4th millennium BC: man creates wheel. 2010: Wheel destroys man...Rubber- "10,000 years in the making..."

 Ohhh shit! It's mystery time! He-hey everybody, it's mystery time! Yahhh, woo! Come on everybody, let's be best friends! Put your hands in the mystery box! Shit, put both your hands in the mystery box! You can trust us, put your hands in our mystery box! You'll be so happy when you grab something from the mystery box! Ahhhhhhhh JESUS! MMMMMMM-MM........OHHHHHHH!!!!! MYSTERY BOX!!!!

 What has one eye, long claws, caiman skin, backward feet, a mouth on its belly, and a stench so foul it could kill you? Yo mama! What has all that, but lives in the Amazon? Why, none other than the Mapinguari, of course. While the two are nearly identical, the Mapinguari tends to swallow men in a more literal sense, making it slightly more terrifying than your mom. At least the Mapinguari doesn’t ask for money afterward. Despite being more than capable of ending a human life in the blink of an eye, the Mapinguari is quite docile when unprovoked…like your mom, when she’s actually sober for a change. So come on and join us as we talk about this interesting creature that lurks through the vast rainforest. Talking about the Mapinguari, of course…not your mom’s crab.

 Four directors come together to deliver four short films in this female-led anthology. "The Box" reminds us why we shouldn't ask strange old men what's inside the box on his lap. If it isn't his penis, then it's probably a curse! "The Birthday" is a humorous short that makes you think maybe a little too long about how you'd hide a loved ones corpse. "Don't Fall" is a quick and painless (for the viewers at least) tale that gets right to the point...of jagged teeth and razor-sharp claws. "Her Only Living Son" is about a mother struggling to deal with her teenage son who has been having violent outbursts and...mood swings? Some may think his behavior is sinister. I, however, think attacking other students is just his way of flirting. Now, I believe it's time for you to climb aboard the Fang Train and come on down to spooky town! Maybe Brandon will let you take a peek inside his box.

Enough is never enough. Just one taste of The Stuff will have you running back for more... But a taste of its true nature will have you running for your life! While the majority of the population are mouth-fucking the shit out of the alien fluff, a few people notice something very off about it. Moe, and for some reason, Jason, witness the sinister effects of consuming The Stuff and must do whatever it takes to make the public aware of what's really going on. Will they save humanity from becoming brainwashed cum-dumpsters? Will The Stuff ever truly be eradicated? Are Moe and Jason friends, or like...what's going on there? Find out here on Fangs For Waiting!