F*ck off and die

It’s Halloween this weekend, so we’re sharing horror stories about the scariest and creepiest monsters of all time. YOUR. EXES. You’ll hear Jade provide expert commentary on the science of zombies (AKA guys that say 'hey' every 6 months). Sarah offers to put candy in her vagina in order to attract a virile young male in his mid-twenties, and other creepy AF stories, that are in fact real – which just makes it so much worse.

Get full show notes here.

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Sarah talks about crawling her way out of the dick sand, and goes through a bunch of wisdom harvested from Fuck off and die’s Instagram following (it’s really good!). Jade answers a listener question about what to do when coupled friends treat your broken love life as comedy fodder.

For full show notes head here!

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Therapy is a f***ing awesome thing to do. But how do you find a good therapist? And how do you find a therapist you can actually afford? Sarah walks you through how to do this, with a step-by-step guide. Plus, how to find quality therapy online.

Later. A listener asks Jade what to do if your ex gave you the best oral sex of your life. Should she go back for the orgasms? Or have sex with someone she loves (herself). Jade and Sarah talk through this very real conundrum.

For full show notes head here.

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Jade accuses Sarah of assault then has an asthma attack. Everybody lives. Sarah talks through an activity in F*ck off and die that uses the negativity bias to your advantage. She also talks about how much she likes her vagina.

A listener asks Jade why it takes so long to get over the pain of a break up. Jade drops some PHacts (the PH makes the facts cooler), and we marvel at how evolution makes our bodies feel really sad during times of heartbreak.

For full show notes head here.

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Jade rejects Sarah’s flowers. Sarah talks about why calling your ex petty names on a piece of paper feels really good, and offers a heinously long list of names she uses. The pair discuss why women aren’t ‘supposed’ to be angry, and why anger is actually perfectly healthy.

Jade answers a listener question about how to deal with a mate that keeps going back to their ‘cunt of an ex’. Sarah talks about domestic violence, and why it’s important to have a proper escape plan and the support of a professional, if you’re going to leave an abusive man.*

A heads up to our listeners who have experienced domestic abuse – this episode contains subject matter that may be distressing. Skip it if you’re not ready to go there.

Domestic violence support

Domestic Violence Line

1800 65 64 63

1800RESPECT (Australia Wide)

1800 737 732 (24 hours)

Lifeline

13 1114

Show notes

• Earrings by Haus of Dizzy
• Book activity - Fuck you mother fucker
• Natalie Portman talks about why women should be allowed to be angry - Harpers Bazaar.
• Sarah's Horrorscopes

Listener Question

How do you support a friend who is getting back with their cunt ex when you know they deserve better?

Quotes

“Choose yourself. Over and over again. Even when you’ve let yourself down. Choose yourself. Even when it feels uncomfortable. Choose yourself. Even when you’re tired. Choose yourself.”

– Chidera Eggerue from What a Time to be Alone: The Slumflower’s guide to why you are already enough.

“You can miss it and still not want it back”

– Friday Fries

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Sarah is 35 so F*ck off and die celebrates by inviting DJ Shannon Fox to eat cake and talk about dying alone. Just kidding. In this special episode, Jade, Sarah and Shannon discuss the best things about being single, including how good it is not to date people who police what you put in your mouth.

Shannon shares her expertise on glitter, dressing like a three-year-old for eternal youth and how her duty in life is to remind people about Angela’s Ashes. Jade constantly mentions how young she is, even though she is the oldest person in the room. Sarah complains about the term ‘single’, and everyone agrees on a new and far better term. Much cake is eaten.

This pod was recorded with 2 mics and 3 people, so the sound is all over the place.

Show notes

• Special guest DJ Shannon Fox visits the FOD pod.
• Hustlers is the film featuring our girl crushes JLo and Cardi B (WAP 4eva).
• Get an hour glass and watch your life slowly pour away. It's really fun. Really.
• Angela's Ashes - another really fun thing to watch. We mean read. It was a book first.

The Man in the Arena

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”

• Teddy Roosevelt quoted 1910
• Quoted in Daring Greatly by Brene Brown.

Review your ex

• Send us a review of how your ex performed during the break up and it might be anonymously read on our pod.
• Example: Ghosted me then asked to be COVID fuck buddies six months later. 2/10.

Emma Watson talking sense

“I never believed the whole ‘I’m happy single’ spiel,” she continues. “I was like, ‘This is totally spiel.’ It took me a long time, but I’m very happy [being single]. I call it being self-partnered.”

• Emma Watson quoted in Vogue 2019

Our gift to Shannon

• Get a gold mirror decal that tells you you're Sexy AF. (Cause you fucking are.)

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Sarah and Jade discuss the horror of being 21 in an Instagram world where everyone has the same face, then marvel at the emotional maturity of The Baby Sitters Club. Sarah talks about the power of deleting your ex from all of your shared accounts, as well as their mother.

Jade answers a listener question about who gets to keep the sex toys. Both Sarah and Jade agree that a board with rusty nails on it is not a sex toy and that vaginas are sacred and should not be entered by men with long fingernails. Ethical porn and composting are also discussed.

Show notes

• Watch 21 Again on Netflix.
• Watch The Baby Sitters Club on Netflix too.

Book activity

• Delete him from your accounts a la Fuck off and die the book.
• More on ethical porn here.

Listener question

• Who gets to keep the sex toys?
• Here's an article about that by Medium.
• And another one, in case our advice sucked.

Quotes

"Men that don’t rape women are not special. Men that don’t cheat are not special. Men that treat women with equality are not special. Men that cook in their homes and take care of the baby are not special. This is what a normal man should be like."

– By @solomon_buchi (Twitter) found on Dangerous Females

“I do not trust people who don’t love themselves and yet tell me “I love you”. There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.”

– Maya Angelou

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Bite Your Thumb is a new comedic interview show Lipp Media. Host Jess, a hater of 'Romeo and Juliet', takes listeners into fair Verona to uncover why we love re-visiting, adapting, transforming and upholding this famous story.

In this episode, Jess has a fascinating conversation with Bell Shakespeare's Artistic Director Peter Evans. They discuss his directorial choices of a production of R+J in 2016, and how toxic patriarchy and the blind, prejudiced rule of the older generation rules the world of young doomed lovers.

Listen to Bite Your Thumb whereever you listen to us!

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/fckoffanddie.

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In this ep Sarah suffers for your heart ache while Jade adjusts some blinds and refuses to sit down. Sarah explains how to reclaim those activities you used to do with your ex, by doing them with someone way better and giving exposure therapy a go. She also talks about crying in public and happy couples making her want to vomit.

Jade ponders a listener question about when it’s right to start dating after a break up. Sarah makes up a new saying about dick horses and Jade offers some actual good advice. The pair finish the podcast with some sayings, which are pretty great, but you’ll just have to listen to the show (or read the show notes).

Show notes

“ Here we go round the prickly pear

  Prickly pear prickly pear

  Here we go round the prickly pear

  At five o'clock in the morning.”

From The Hollow Men by T.S ELLIOT 1925

Quoted in The Sinner - season 3 ep. 2

Book activity

• Who else can I brunch with?
• Find the activity in the book here.
• More on exposure therapy here.
• And just a note to say we are not therapists or mental health professionals. So please consult one if you feel uncertain about giving exposure therapy a go.

Listener question

• “When is the right time to get back into dating after a breakup?”
• Mein Kampf – Adolf Hitler 1925
• Note from Jade: Honestly I don’t know why Sarah brought this up we sure as hell don’t recommend it and without reading it I don’t think it’s about breakups.

Quotes

“I embrace the label of bad feminist because I am human. I am messy. I’m not trying to be an example. I am not trying to be perfect. I am not trying to say I have all the answers. I am not trying to say I’m right. I am just trying—trying to support what I believe in, trying to do some good in this world, trying to make some noise with my writing while also being myself.”

― Bad Feminist Roxanne Gay

Watch Fleabag for more mentions of bad feminists.

“Woo child, tired of the bullshit

Go on dust your shoulders off, keep it moving

I know that it's hard but you have to try

If you need advice, let me simplify

If he don't love you anymore

Just walk your fine ass out the door.”

― Lizzo - Lyrics from Good as Hell

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In this episode Sarah and Jade discuss an upcoming butt party they are excited to be attending. Sarah talks about why your brain is wired to crave your ex like a crack head post break up. And offers a useful tip to help redirect those intense feelings.

Jade answers a listener question about why exes like to get back in touch with you. It turns out to be a lot less sinister than everyone suspects. Yep exes are human beings like the rest of us (unless they’re a sociopath). At the end, the pair share quotes because other people always say it better.

Show Notes

Raccoons and your butt

The human rectum can stretch up to 9 inches without tearing. A raccoon can fit through holes that are 6 inches or wider. So technically a raccoon could fit up your arse. This dubious 'fact' was found on Reddit.

Why you have cravings for your ex

When participants in a study viewed photos of their exes, brain scans indicated activity in regions of the brain associated with the reward or motivation system, which communicates through the release of the neurotransmitter dopamine.

Dopamine is involved in both drug addiction and the early, obsessive stages of love. This is why people who have been rejected may feel cravings for their ex, similar to how addicts crave a drug or people who are newly in love crave their loved one’s presence.

Read the full study titled Reward, Addiction, and Emotion Regulation Systems Associated With Rejection in Love by Helen E. Fisher and Lucy L. Brown here.

Listener Question

If you can, try not to search for your ex on social media.

Here is some help with this seemingly impossible task.

Quotes

“It’s a lot easier to be miserable than uncertain”

Abbey Gib TEDx

“Whenever you’re having a really bad day, just remember that some poor bastard is meeting your cunt of an ex and thinking that they’ve found someone really special.”

Loubobang

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/fckoffanddie.

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