Fear of losing control

This podcast came about as a result of a client session I had a few weeks back. We were talking about control; losing control, being in control and feeling out of control. One of my client’s fears was losing control, which is very common among pregnant women when they think about birth. I myself experienced this too. The thing is, control is quite complex and there are many aspects to it. So if we are to clear this fear we need to do some digging first.

At the end of the session, my client said that this conversation alone gave her a HUGE attitude shift and now SHE GOT IT! So I want to share the key aspects of this conversation with you.

Fear of losing control, and how to overcome it

When it comes to control, there are different aspects to it that I think is worth exploring as the subtle distinctions between them are important.

HAVING control and BEING in control

Firstly there’s the idea of having control or being in control… this typically applies to situations… are you in control of what is happening externally? what people are doing etc. If being in control is very important for you, then when other people have control instead of you, it can can often cause problems, especially if you’re a control freak!

FEELING out of control

This is different from NOT BEING in control. This is an emotion where you FEEL out of control… and this doesn’t necessarily have a bearing on reality. We often hear people say how they felt completely out of control in a particular situation, and yet on the outside it looked like they'd got it together… so this is an emotional response. If this emotion really takes hold, then it often leads to the next one which is

Losing control

Which for many means emotionally losing control, losing a grip, not being able to keep it together. We can see this happening in someone and they might start getting emotional or angry. Or it could mean losing control of their senses or their body… like screaming or grunting.

Someone who FEELS out of control doesn’t necessarily become that person that loses it though.

So why am I sharing this? Well, one fear that crops up time and time again when it comes to birth is fear of losing control. But what does that mean exactly?

What does a 'fear of losing control' mean?

If this is one of your fears then I’d like to invite you to give this some thought. If you’re familiar with Head Trash Clearance Method (the technique that I developed to get rid of my fears and anxieties) then you’ll be pleased to know that you can use it to help with this very issue.

But in order to do so, you need to be pretty clear on what you mean by LOSING CONTROL.

Is it a fear of not being in control of how the birth is going?

Is it a fear of losing it emotionally and crying, getting emotional in a way that you can’t control?

Is it a fear of losing control of your body and pooing and weeing everywhere?

Is it fear of losing control over the decisions being made about your birth? So the medical team retaining control?

What is it for you?

Having a better understanding of the various aspects of control can help us to figure out how to help you get past this. So if this is an issue for you I would urge you to give this some thought and take the time to work on this in advance of your birth.

So why am I urging you to sort this out?

This fear of losing control can only cause problems during birth. For a start it’s a fear and so will have a negative physiological impact on your body during labour and lead to things like a long labour or painful contractions.

Birth requires you to let go; Let go of your need to be in control, let go of your need to control your body, let go of your need to control the situation.

THE ONLY THING you should be focussed on is staying in the birthing zone so that your body can just get on with it.

But it’s not as simple as that.

In fact, birth requires you to be able to play at both ends of the control spectrum simultaneously; a...