I can't even tell you how good it feels. To say Episode 100 and how connected I feel to this community and to this mission that I have to help women thrive and feel fulfilled without the children they always dreamed that they would have.

So when it came to deciding on a topic for my 100th episode, I've got to tell you, I was a little like. Wanting to make sure it was good enough and would be something that seemed worthy of my hundredth episode, because it does seem like such a milestone. And I realized that it doesn't matter what number episode it is that if I brought something to you, and I try to do this every week when I do the podcast, bring something to you that.

Creates a difference or a new perspective for you to consider in your life, then that's a celebration. So it doesn't matter whether it's episode 100 episode 2 or episode 486. God willing, I'll get there 1 day I. Want you to know that I created this podcast to be open and honest about the things that we experience as women who are childless, not by choice, or women who have gone through fertility treatments and realize that our journey to motherhood is not going to be there for us in the way we thought it would be.

And so that's how today's episode came about. I was actually in a coaching session with one of my students. And we were talking about being brave and spoiler alert, today's episode is going to be about feeling brave during this journey after your fertility treatments and, but also handling people telling you how brave you are, because I think we hear that a lot.

And we hear that a lot because we are brave. Your mind might be saying, yeah, but I don't want to be brave. I just wanted to be a mom. I don't want people to tell me that I'm brave because I had no choice in this circumstance of going through fertility treatments or being diagnosed as infertile. And I want to pause you there and tell you that this was all optional.

You could have found out that you weren't going to be a mom. And you could have sat idle and done nothing, and maybe you didn't have an option. Maybe IVF wasn't an option for you. Maybe treatments weren't an option for you because you know that your body never would have produced a baby or because of other things going on within your body or in your immune system that motherhood was never going to be an option.

And you didn't have the ability to take action to create a child. But let me tell you that even if that was your case. You had the option to decide, do you want to feel better? Do you want to show up in your life feeling the best that you possibly can, despite life turning out so differently than you thought it would.

That's who this episode is for. It's for the yous out there and the me's the former me's who decided that. I wanted to embrace what it feels like to be brave and acknowledge myself as somebody who did not stop with this answer or this diagnosis of infertility, or for me, it was unexplained infertility.

 I didn't want that to be the ending point in my story. So let's talk a little bit about why it's so jarring for somebody to tell us that we're brave because. Like I've said before, people are going to say the things that they say, we can't really control what they say or why they say them, but what we can control is our interpretation of what it is that they're offering us with their words.

When it comes to somebody telling us, you're so brave. Why are we rejecting of that? Because let's be honest,  when you hear somebody or think of somebody who is brave,  that feels really like a powerful person and like brave is powerful word. So I'm going to ask you to do a little bit of thinking about what the word brave means to you.

 I don't think that there's one particular definition, but I think. You should have some idea of what you think brave is not as it relates to you. But what just the word in general. So, when you've thought about that word, and that idea of bravery, why is it that. You're not willing to see yourself as brave because most people that we think of as brave probably are doing something exceptional.

They're probably doing something that we look at them and we think, God, that takes. A lot of focus, or that takes a lot of courage, or that takes a really strong person. So, why is it that we reject or maybe you feel angst towards somebody defining you as brave?  It's probably because we didn't want to be here.

We didn't want to have to be the brave one. We didn't want to have to be the poster child for somebody who's trying so hard at something that they know they really want, and it might be unachievable for them. I first want you to just take ownership of the fact that you embody all those things

 You listening even to this podcast today, even if that's all that you're able to do right now in this journey of yours. You're brave. You saying yes to fertility treatments, you deciding to do a round of IVF, you saying yes to an IUI, you looking into adoption, even if it wasn't the right decision for you, you considering egg donor as an option, even if it didn't end up being the right decision for you.

That shit's brave. Okay. I'm just going to say it. So decide that being brave in your story can be something that is powerful. But also if you're somebody who maybe wants to get into the discussion with somebody, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, that's okay too. We don't have to allow people to use words or define us in a certain way that doesn't feel good to us.

But before I get into that part of the podcast, I just want you to think about. Why you don't want to see yourself as brave, and maybe you never thought about the fact that you are doing that. So maybe this podcast, listening to it and taking some of this into consideration might make you say, you know what, like.

I feel really good about who I am and the bravery that I'm showing in my life.  For women who are childless. After IVF or infertility diagnosis. Comments like you're so brave and. Other well intentioned comments  I've talked about this in other episodes, but when people say things to us, and they want to give advice to us, or say something that is comforting.

Can sometimes make us feel really uncomfortable and they may be well intentioned, but we may interpret them as insensitive or challenging because of the emotions. That we are feeling or the thoughts that we're having about us related to our infertility journey. So I'm going to give you also maybe some tips of things that you can say, or offer people who tell you things like you're so brave if you don't want to hear that.

Let's 1st acknowledge that we can express our feelings.  It's essential that we communicate our emotions, honestly, if we feel like that's something that is going to help us on our journey.  Maybe you can say something like, thank you so much for your kind words, and I want you to know that my journey through infertility has been incredibly difficult, and I'm still processing my feelings about it.

And you can say that that's an option, or you can share your story. Maybe you're at a point where you're getting more comfortable with telling people what you've gone through and certainly you don't owe anyone an explanation about your journey, but you can choose to share it. So that's some of the stuff that we do in thrive after infertility is we get clear on the story.

That we want to tell because if we want to share this story, how can we create and like literally like we write the story out, we choose. And if you join thrive after infertility, I'll help you choose the words that you want to use to describe yourself and describe your story. So decide that maybe you're ready to start telling your story and disclosing it to others.

Maybe when somebody tells you you're so brave, you can educate them on what infertility and what the journey through fertility treatments looks like because many people don't. Maybe know somebody who's infertile. Maybe they don't know anyone who's ever been through IVF. And so you explaining them the complexities of infertility and the emotional toll it can take will maybe allow you to gently educate them about your experience.

So maybe saying something like infertility is a complex issue and it's not always about bravery. It's about navigating a challenging journey and trying to find resilience. You can borrow that if you'd like. I think another thing is How to handle feeling this desire  to take in the words of bravery and maybe after today's podcast, you'll, you'll start to look at bravery in a different way.

Maybe you can do that through seeking support in communities. So that's something that I'm very proud of that. We do in the thrive after infertility mastermind. I bring women together. And they choose to come into Thrive because they're seeking community. They're seeking this place that feels safe and feels like you could finally let go of this tension that you have about your story or about yourself or these things that you've been thinking or feeling so providing yourself an opportunity to join a group or something like thrive after infertility will allow you to step forward and celebrate bravery with other women and maybe see how they celebrate and how you want to celebrate and create your own form of bravery. I think also setting boundaries. So if you're finding like certain comments don't feel right to you or don't sit right, or maybe they're on triggering or uncomfortable, don't be afraid to set boundaries.

You can say something like, I appreciate your concern, but I'd really prefer not to talk about my infertility right now. And pause, leave it at that. Because boundaries, I think, are some of the most important things that we can offer ourselves. And offer others, because most likely the people who are telling that telling you that you're brave, they probably are not ill intentioned to you.

They just feel like they need to offer you something. So maybe telling them that, you know, this is something that you're not up for talking about is a kind way for you to love yourself and love your reasons why you're preserving the energy that you. Are for yourself in this journey that you're trying to navigate.

I think another way that you can handle this is focusing on self care and taking care of your physical and emotional well being during this time and maybe engaging in activities that provide you some relaxation or provide you some opportunity to create a story of bravery that aligns with your definition of it when it comes to infertility let's think about celebrating your bravery or your resilience.

We think that we have to do these things and that it's. It's not an option, and we don't take time to really celebrate what we've done for ourselves and how we showed up for ourselves in this journey. And that doesn't mean that you have to celebrate only the times that you think you're picture perfect and how you handled a canceled cycle a failed cycle or a retrieval that had zero embryos.

I think that we can celebrate things about how we showed up in that circumstance without it having to be the optimal result that we wished for. So the other thing I'd like to think about is considering seeking help. So seeking support, yes, but we all know, and I talk about this a lot, the fertility clinics have not done a great job.

About remembering the women like us that went through the journey that spent the tens of thousands and in my case, hundreds of thousands of dollars through my 7 year journey, seeking motherhood and a lot of them have failed us by not providing us resources. So consider opportunities to seek professional help, seek a therapist, work with a life coach, go to acupuncture, find somebody who can help you navigate this path, because You weren't given the opportunity to just go through a list of people that are recommended by your clinic.

And if you're struggling to cope with,  the emotional toll that infertility can create for us, because of this dream that we are feeling like we have to say goodbye to, that we didn't want to say goodbye to, there is opportunity to consider professional help. And it's something that I continuously work on.

I really want their fertility clinics to know that we matter. And even though we're not a billable patient in their system anymore, if they just had their last conversation with us giving us the options of adoption or egg donor, I'd love for them to know that we want to hear back from them. We want them to check on us and say, hey, what did you decide?

And when we tell them that egg donor and adoption wasn't the right answer for us, Wouldn't it be lovely if they said, well, here's some more options for you. Here are some resources for you. Here are some podcasts for you. Here's some therapists that we think are really good. They've been through the journey and they understand where you're at.

Or here's a life coach. That could help you she was 1 of our former patients, or she's been a patient who has been in your path and maybe she can help you.  I think it's really important that as I'm summing up, you know, this 100th episode, I 1st want to make sure that we understand what bravery is, and if you think of somebody who is brave as like this powerful person, consider the fact that you are brave.

You are so freaking powerful what you've been through and what you've digested in this journey. A lot of people couldn't do it. But you did it. And even though it didn't turn out the way that you thought it was going to be, you are still here today. You're listening. Your ears are with me today because you know that there's more you want with your life.

And when motherhood can't be the answer, I want to help you realize that you can be your own answer know that that's not impossible. I watch women do it. Every single week with me, like the women that I coach in my community are no different than you. I was no different than you. I hated hearing that.

I was brave. I hated people telling me you can always adopt. I just, I felt so angered by those things because. I wasn't sitting into what I was really believing about myself. And when you realize how much you're capable of beyond motherhood. That's where life starts to  unfold and I would love for you to believe that that's possible for you.

 If that is something that you're interested in, this is where I want to invite you into Thrive After Infertility. The Thrive After Infertility Mastermind is so amazingly glorious. The magic that I see women creating in their life. Because they have said yes to them and they've said yes to this community of women that are wanting to grow women who know that their life is destined for greater.

That's the type of work and that's the type of women that come into the thrive after infertility mastermind. So I invite you to. Apply for thrive, we're about to start our next class in October, and it is going to be so fricking great. And I want you to be there. I want you to show up in December of this year when the holidays are coming around and that New Year's.

Celebrations are about to start. I want you to be ready to start 2024 feeling like you are on top of the world again. So that is it for episode 100. If this is your first episode, thank you for listening. If this is your hundredth episode. Thank you for believing in me and sharing in this journey with me as I get all teary eyed here.

If you're watching me on YouTube, you can see how emotional I get sometimes in these episodes, because I really bring my authentic self and I bring the authentic topics that I see coming up with my students and in my own life, because that's what this podcast is all about. Because I asked myself so many times, like, so now what am I going to do?

So now what's going to happen and the, so now what podcast was created to give you an opportunity to think about what is next and what you're capable of. So have a beautiful week. I love you. And remember it is never too late to discover your meaning. I'll talk to you next week.