Find Your Voice

"Follow your heart" by Lara Waldman #31

Tagline: "Trust in yourself, trust in your heart & trust your inner knowing."

An abundance activator, a manifestation expert, a healer and author, Lara Waldman speaks of the importance of slowing down. Knowing that we never truly arrive at our destination and having suffered with trauma growing up due to her mother leaving, she has had to learn about balancing her spiritual, mental, emotional and physical well-being.

Lara explains the areas in our lives that we may struggle in and need to acknowledge. She also speaks about finding the purpose of our pain and seeing this as a gift. She explains the importance of understanding your mind and ego and finding the real true goals you need to achieve to become more successful.

Some key discussion points:

1. The importance of meditation
2. Finding balance spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically
3. Finding the gift in the purpose of our pain
4. Understanding true priorities
5. Achieving true success

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com

YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y

Links to Lara:

Instagram: https://instagram.com/larawaldmanofficial?igshid=4w8xra325wgd

Website: https://larawaldman.com/about-2/

YouTube: https://youtu.be/p9JRdXTiE_4

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abundanceactivator

Pippa Transcript:

welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of fine your voice my name is iron and as always I am the host of the show today I am delighted to be up to bring to you Lara Waldman he is a well known and but does activate now in case anyone is familiar with those times it would all be explained in this episode he's been a coach now for many years she's been here for fifteen years she's a or that she's a manifestation express this lady's fascinate but more importantly she gives us tangible takeaways in this episode that we can really start to take away a start to change our lives today now this also became a bit of a counseling session for myself right now a lot of areas in my life that's still needed growth is still needed me to really work on myself but again I'm here to show my oven abilities with yourselves this is Jenny this is about finding my own voice is about writing my own story and hopefully it helps you guys do the same he says some incredible things about how we call an escape past selves she also spoke of the importance of having a balance between you emotional spiritual and physical self and then she touched on something that I think we can all resonate with which is that we never truly arrive so we have all these goals will these designs of we will be happy when when is when do we ever truly arrive at the destination the chances are not because of this as you start to grow when you go through this process you can always change of visions your priorities and everything kind of either evolves grows %HESITATION sometimes it could even supposed diminish so it was a fascinating conversation she somebody who loves to talk and have deep meaningful conversations I love a lot myself we had a fascinating conversation is somebody I'm gonna be keeping in touch with offline as well I encourage or too far ahead Jenny on Instagram and also join us over on the Instagram page as well it is growing knack nicely and I do like to try and engage in order of our listeners and one of our guests so guys but not for the reduced let's get this interview on the way okay fantastic I'd like to start by welcoming lar to the show today and thanking him for taking time out of a day in sharing her story with the soldiers are how you doing today Hey it's really great to connect with you I actually love talking not really here today fantastic what talking is definitely a good stop because that's what we're gonna do a hopefully for the next hour and I want to know a little bit more about yourself Lara and I want to know a lot about your story and I'm sure the audience do as well so if you wouldn't mind could you kind of give us a bit about yourself your summary of what kind of I suppose brings you to where you are today well it's a sort of a long story I'm sorry I was born and raised in Vancouver Canada I now live in London England %HESITATION I had we had a really amazing upbringing on the outside everything looks perfect we wouldn't were sailing in the summer as skiing in Whistler and winters we had %HESITATION this what looked like really kind of perfect happy family and in some ways on the physical level everything was great but turns out things weren't so great underneath that %HESITATION when I was twelve my my god mother my mom's best friend committed suicide and this put a bomb into our family it basically expose everything that had been hit in our deny age covered up on the emotional level within our family unit so this really took my mom into a very very difficult and dark place and she ended up leaving when I was fourteen there was a lot of emotional on rest so we went from this kind of what seem obvious I was a child right but seems to picture perfect %HESITATION situation to it went went very dark and then it just it seems like everything just goes dark in my memory and my parents it was but I had to sell our home and there is a lot of %HESITATION unrest there's a lot of traumatic experiences in that time and I went into a really tough girl kind of big front I don't care self destruction am I really gently thought and care %HESITATION super strong but I'm also very armors and %HESITATION when I was but I think sixteen seventeen I was just exhausted all the time in which the doctor she said I think you have depression and I was like what I didn't think I'd depression number getting on the scales and I weighed way more than I'd ever waited always very slim person and this is a start then of my eating disorders so I basically just starve myself an exercise like crazy and and really within a very dark place of self hate and trying to be something or becomes something that I wasn't this went on for a long time but %HESITATION I would then went to university excesses were everyone did in my in my community went there route just felt really done everyone was partying and and I was just right down to the rowing team and I was up at five in the morning just like in the gym in the afternoon just focus focus push myself really hard but really low in retrospect and I don't know exactly the moment this happened but suddenly %HESITATION I think I went to this meditation classes had never tried my life it's kind of weird I didn't really understand it the RIAA ways %HESITATION this vision or this feeling came in to me and I had this vision where I saw myself speaking to an international audience as being interviewed and I was speaking about the fact that we as human beings we have the power to consciously create our life we are way more powerful than we realize and I don't know where this came from because this is not what I was really thinking about %HESITATION speaking about at the time it just came as decision so all I thought oh my gosh I'm so screen actress that is my purpose so I quit university and I followed I went to like to study lots acting as working in restaurants and a study as much as I could and then I got this next inspiration was to go to London England and go to theater school %HESITATION and be trained as a theatre actor so I I flew up over to London ended my relationship just following this sort of what I would call now my intuition of my inner guidance system but I didn't really know that's what it was time and it took me to to consider school to come to London and and my plan was to go to two years Sears school and then come back to Vancouver and start my very successful acting career but life different plans for me so I %HESITATION after you're being in England which is very again it was quite dark time it was quite I was very lonely and it was I was working really hard working full time studying full time but it was challenging time I then met my now husband I am twenty two at a time this guy was super peaceful super calm I was real love at first sight kind of experience and %HESITATION he meditated he meditated twice a day how god statistician bring so I have this sense that I needs to to meditate but I had really huge resistance to wonder forced myself I hated it the screen to my chair but I made myself sit for twenty minutes and I for some reason just knew I had to keep going at it so I sat with it and then after not very long when I saw it long enough eventually I would have these amazing feelings of peace and that I guess got me hooked wow that is amazing feeling and then not long after that something very strange happened to me where I was at my eyes closed and then out of nowhere I in my mind's eye I saw in front of my %HESITATION if front of me and I heard the sun flashing lights you are a healer and I heard in my ears as well and I it was I just remember collapsing on the bed and fled to tears and sobbed and sobbed because I knew I was going to be an actress in that moment and I knew that my whole life is about to change and I was so upset I was devastated are you said a remember saying okay universe I don't know what this is but you bring it to me I'm not looking for I was super pissed and very soon I stuff across the ceiling course and then I will I remember going on this course it was again I think I was really tapped into this inner guidance but I didn't really know if that's what it was but it was leading before something was pushing me for what I meant that first course the healing course and I just knew that this is my future and then I started to discover all of the stuff I've been struggling with physically had been struggling with health problems emotionally I've been struggling I just felt I had all the time also in my body and realize that there was a whole other world that I don't understand which is kind of emotional aspect in that entered energies as well all this drama I've been through I had no idea how much it affected me and then I really start this journey of healing and releasing on an emotional level in our minds level and my body and my I really start to heal this this physical health problems I've been experiencing emotional imbalances really started to shift and it was incredible and then I just I've been on that path for over twenty for twenty years now %HESITATION but but fast forward I ended up %HESITATION getting pregnant as twenty six which was a surprise but I again I knew this this was the right thing and I I have two beautiful daughters now and what happened was is then I I'd have to sort of big vision right is big vision to help the world speak to the world and then at this point my life I was stuck at home with two little kids which I love being a mom but we had no money we are really broke and I felt really for stocking frustrated really limited and then I started to %HESITATION in meditation is when I meditate I %HESITATION I developed or start to understand that I was getting messages I was getting what I call inner guidance or call channeling depending what you want to call and I started getting these messages but I had never occurred to me to to ask what money before so I started asking questions about money before that I've been working our health and healing emotional balance I was also you know really fashion is what happened to my mom like why did everything go so bad and so dark and so I really was super fascinated in the unconscious %HESITATION and how our unconscious self effects are current reality but I had never looked at money so then I started on this really big journey around understanding about money in my relationship with money and what is going on with that and what I realize is I'd actually because I grew up with money but light you know things didn't work you know the people weren't happy and so I rejected it I rejected that whole scene I rejected kind of the physical world you know of of like physical %HESITATION I guess physical successor physical objects because I saw that that wasn't really making people happy and then I was going into the heart and the soul and Kirk Hanson this is what makes people happy we can't be happy if we're not happy on the inside right but then this whole next for chapter of my life is about finding the balance between the spiritual emotional mental and physical but how we can how we can thrive and feel good in all areas of our lives because what I learned is if we're like I was at that point very spiritually rich in a mostly rich and I had all this powerful information on this kind of energy level but because but don't have any money meant we're really limited in the physical world also equally people can be very wealthy they can have physical money and wealth and physical things but be completely bankrupts emotionally spiritually and we're not happy unless we have some kind of balance in all areas of our life so now my thing is right ugh we create a life of abundance all in all areas of our lives because if one part of the system is broken if you're not gonna feel good you're not gonna feel a sense of success in the film and purpose so we're so there are quite a lot of areas that we need to take care of but this is what was so my work now is about really living abundance how can we live I create a life of true abundance which includes all areas of life we don't have to reject anything we don't have to reject money reject Leviton project health we can include all of this why are that sprint now what an incredible journey live so that resonated with me on on quite Hugh Scott let's see because office so you know how you you said you mentioned during situation %HESITATION with the address of the actress feeling you lot that's it what to do yeah not not so much in terms of dot now would you be an active rock I've had those moments in my life but I've never really understood him and sometimes a lot ha ha I just convince myself that's why should be doing but recently for some reason something keeps telling me I need to meditate now I look at my body and all I look after my health I try to I try to find bodies into the physical mental emotional and spiritual aspects of a of my life because I believe you need some sort of balance and I'm I'm glad that you touched on that as well but meditation is a something not the minute I'm not sure why I'm not doing it but I just thought it just kind of switch is me often think it I don't have to call a lot I'm so busy I like three jobs a day and all of it seven days a week of the tour really have time to you to meditate and it's funny because I was I think was watching Jay show he's he's he's fat is fascinating because it speaks about with them and I think he went on this most junior he mentions that if you had an extra hour day he'd meditate and I find it really ought but then also there's obviously some beauty it and you just mentioned it not so I went on we just ask you on that and maybe this is more of a kind of selfish personal question but I hope they listen the home you don't meditate might take some value from it could you recommend something for say somebody like myself he you kind of I suppose pushes out or their way one the importance of meditation %HESITATION you said you had this car euphoric feeling avoid when you went for it but what stuck the face that sought is is easy just slapping on a you tube video and then maybe spend ten fifteen minutes doing that is is a good start over have you got any of this or practices that you could recommend yes so everyone's a little bit different %HESITATION I've you know coaches for lots of people in in trying to create some sort of practice where you want to stop and go within now the first thing I want to say this is great in terms of preventive medicine because stopping meditating will help to lower your stress levels lower anxieties so it's really really good on lots and lots of levels but some people really struck like myself I really struck I really had to force myself to stop so what I would say is one of the reasons why I find it's hard to stop is because we don't want to feel we don't want to feel ourselves we're not taught the value of being we're not taught the value of being in the present moment and we want to avoid the present only because status we'll have to feel our pain and we don't want to feel it but equally when we sit long enough that pain will transform it will shift and you'll start having feelings of peace of euphoria of connection it's a feeling of coming home and it's absolutely beautiful and I think once you start having that experience enough you get addicted to you start feeling good just like working out going to the gym first you know it's off when you have an exercise in the first %HESITATION pulling yourself out there but once you get into a rhythm you get addicted to it and then that it's not such hard work exactly the same what I would say is %HESITATION everyone's a little bit different I recommend starting with five minutes a day five minutes there than no minutes even two minutes is better than no minutes it's really as simple as sitting sitting in a way that's comfortable for you trying to have good posture is responsible and breathing I'm just focusing on your breath breathing in everything out within about two seconds your mind will start wondering you want to come back in this keep coming back to press connect the breath what what what happens is it gives your mind and your body a chance to filter out and process all the information triggers emotions that happened in your day or maybe your week and when you send it in your mind and your body needs time to filter through a process all of the information so it can take sometimes up to twenty minutes to find feelings of peace if you're really triggered emotionally upset it could take half an hour but five minutes is better than no minutes you'll feel a little bit calmer yeah if you just sit and breathe is so simple and is actually free but there's lots of I have I have some guided healing meditations on you too %HESITATION there's lots of %HESITATION the guided meditation sometimes book it helps you to listen to something but you can also do walking meditation so you can go out in nature and just you know listen to anything this breed bring bring yourself in the moment some people find it hard to sit still you could move you could do kind of like dancing sort of meditation you can bring it's just %HESITATION bring yourself into the present moment okay and and again there's lots and lots of benefits to it on on motional mental and physical level as well that's really interesting so one of the things I have done and thank you for sharing all of that is start to read a lot about solitude in just trying to be by myself %HESITATION and always you Steve I suppose struggle to you and maybe this is pop minds ought you to be alone so even go to a shopping center by myself or sitting in a coffee shop on myself and always fit I need to somebody else that someone I am going to the card have Ginni of just being okay by myself and I was very fortunate to have just travel to Miami with the wife and the full hour day started and we went on ventures are always wake up an hour early and I just go for a walk on occasion you put music on and just being in that moment I suppose it's easier when your out of your apartment so right now I'm sitting on hold where are where can where I live but just being in a completely different environment I did fail more peaceful so I can definitely for the thing is I know you're right I know how I know there's an advantage from it because the same with exercise always say fuck about let the feeling not like after doing exercise and send it in the shops no it's %HESITATION it's almost at the best I'm too depressed in the road so it's something that I you definitely H. anyone listening to yes this will start to minutes SO star five minutes I'll try and be accountable myself or try to post this the more the pages on this I think it is something that we will need to do and just on that if I may ask them to do you believe I'm paid above devil's advocate here don't be kinda chief violence in old areas talking physical mental emotional and spiritual or is there going to be and that's that would be maybe to accept that so maybe is going to be maybe more in June than the others good question this is my work in progress every day so I believe that %HESITATION balance isn't isn't a solid fix thing it's a constantly moving things like the weather at like the tides %HESITATION like like nature it's moving and flowing all the time the balance is there isn't one one flat line of balance bar this is again why for me this meditation is is great foundation because we need to be really listening and tuning in and being connected to our life so if there is an area where you're struggling or there is an area that is difficult it's like the universe our life is screaming at you saying this needs your attention so this is what I call the purpose of your pain is that the pain or pain in our struggle or sign post something needs our attention so it's there's always going to be challenged there's always going to be things that stretch you or challenge you bought what I like to do is if we can use those challenges consciously what we discover is there's gold in the pain there's gold in there but the it the pick the pain or the challenge or the difficulty is showing that there's something is out of balance so we we need it's it's it's work it's hard work it's not like it's not easy and anyone who you know I'm I'm I'm married I've got kids that run a business you know got a dog home there is there is lots of areas of life that need our attention so it is a false and time job but what I find is if we're listening and we're slowing and were surrendering to the moment as well getting out of the ego getting at the mine there is a flow there is a place of flow there is a current dot is was going to help you to feel in flown in harmony with your life so and I called that balance but it's she got that current is changing all the time so we have to be listening we have to be tuning in and what I've realized is that %HESITATION life is here to support us but we have to work with it which means we have to slow down enough to listen to pay attention and so it's it's not an easy it's not straight for answer but it it's a practice and I've been developing this over the last twenty years and I'm still like a constant student with all of this as well as being a teacher this and so it is is is is is just like anything whether it's like exercise or gardening or I'm keeping your house tidy it needs are constant tension nothing that makes perfect sense and I suppose once we %HESITATION in myself included going not Janie of really trying to listen to bean not mobile like you said surrender surrendering I think it definitely help low so thankful that you mention it is hard work because sometimes seven those expectations I mean all I do this from a physical standpoint in my past %HESITATION trying to cram where people want a very quick fix now where site or its not okay how many jobs in six minutes let your not many ads in six minutes and you could you could let you sit there for twenty four hours into crunches or not you're not gonna get ABS because it's so many of the faucets to health and fitness in order to get your body fat low in it in order that stuff so yeah one of the first things I would say went but I used to with the clients more on a one to one basis was before we start I need a hundred percent commitment of it not every day's gonna be great not every day is going to be how you think it's going to be but you have to put in the work so yes I suppose it probably he's just the element of myself so my subconscious the pointed often thinking this is going to be another thing to do and I'm not suppose I'm guilty of thinking it's a waste of time so I I feel like I'm in this part of my life where I need to achieve all these goals I'm neglecting probably one of the most important things like myself and I really need to maybe sit back a little bit so thank you for that you're welcome and it the thing that you search realizes whatever you're doing whatever your goals whatever you're creating you are at the center of it you are the center point of all of everything your experiences and actually when we slow down we realize a lot of the stuff that we think we're supposed to be doing this %HESITATION much mental noise there's so many distractions and actually when after I don't start my day I don't start anything until I am aligned and connected because what I realized as soon as I drop in and on my whole yeah all that on my to do list I can see if scrap barn all that stuff I thought I had to do all the pressure from the mind you know a lot of it is just noise and when we drop in and we can get really clear what is the most important thing what's going to really transform my life where my where are my true priorities because the mind in the ego can create mountains out of mole hills I'm so this kind of practice let's just call it is stopping calming down a little bit is it it it puts everything into perspective it actually makes you more successful so all I see is a is a is a foundation to success if that helps motivate you absolutely absolutely you're gonna see my on what to do some video just for kind of Billy I will let you take the advice on board so thank you for that and just actually on being aligned to connected like you just mentioned there what is your daily routine like that well that I sometimes see people saw how I live my life they'd probably be laughing at me I ice I spend a lot of time doing self care now so what happened for me was I was a super like Dr driver I was I worked out really hard I push myself really hard I was like go go go really fiery focus determine what started happening to me I'm in my early twenties with every time I went to exercise those really big and health and fitness I would get stargazer sick and it was so frustrating for I cannot tell you and that's all also the time I started meditating base my whole body was that you have to slow right down this whole pushing forcing thing is not working for you so I really learned this the hard way I I thought this whole thing kicking and screaming so this is what what I'm gonna tell you that I do now is like a twenty year like honing practice because that having babies at how does that slowed me down the holes all of life taught me how to slow right down and what I started to learn was actually the more I took care of myself the more I was in kind of slow in harmony with my body the more successes start experiencing but it's what I call true success you know not like like really this experience of feeling abandoned so I %HESITATION well now my girls are a little bit older but first as you know getting up the kids and stuff I %HESITATION walk my dog so get out in nature %HESITATION being out in nature is really really important to me I live in London so it's even more important get out in nature somewhere as a bomb in the park %HESITATION I move my body so movement and that can look in all sorts of ways but right at the moment it's walking I might do a little stretching %HESITATION I goose also in in and out phases of things like I've done a lot of yoga in the past %HESITATION sometimes go for a run with my dog but it's basically about moving the body getting the bug blood pumping and stretching so getting comfortable and food in my physical body I will come home and %HESITATION I tend to meditate in some form or another %HESITATION generous sitting sometimes I'd lie on the floor in just three days and I'm waiting for looking for this moment where I feel balance nor should alignment so if my mind is in rushing in thinking if I'm not feeling good which are I sometimes don't wake up feeling good I'm doing my prices and I till I feel that click of alignment balance and that kind of off the area is this feeling of being back in myself and my center so I spent the morning I'm finding that place of alignment moving really is essential for me and then breathing meditating %HESITATION I journal sometimes %HESITATION so %HESITATION and basically what I'm looking for that place is connecting brought to our what I call my higher self my inner guidance system which is this place that that yes feeling inside of me %HESITATION in so some to an obviously every day is a little bit different some days I have more time than others but I I create my diary my schedule so that I have a good chunk of time in the morning to do that then I get on with my day and you know having been a wonderful experience connecting with amazing people if we're doing now and then at some point in the afternoon I might notice that my energy might drop again so when I start to feel tired or stressed or overwhelmed out of flow I know that I need to stop so I will you if you were walking to my husband if I'm lying on the floor %HESITATION and I or I line the something I lie down and I read it again until I find the alignment and sometimes my boys is that you know what this is you just need to stop this idea of like Monday to Friday nine to fiver for me is not in harmony with my body and so I have burst of energy and when I have a drop in energy I know okay I need to stop if I if I'm able to so I tried to design my day and my schedule around my energy peaks and my energy tips so I I plan on my creative stuff and all that kind of action I need to live with his writing or the interviews work with clients on more my energy peak and then I'll try and clear my diary for when I have my drops on a walk my dog again Socorro nature again because he does the walking twice a day but I also I need walking towards the day so I'll get back in into sun harmony I'm I'm also in connection is really really important to me as well so every day you'll find me having some kind of deep conversation with somebody who anyone who talk to me about %HESITATION yeah I'd like to have really deep honest authentic but share conversations and that can be about the hard stuff and the wonderful staff I'll be doing that every day as well because that fuels me energizes me and I try and eat really well so I I again without think judging are hard on myself I try and really listen to my body what is a want to eat what is it want to drink and trying to really listen and %HESITATION and put things into my body also nursed nourish me so as you can see this sort of a few different angles that I come from if I don't do that I don't feel good so for me I'm highly sensitive I realized I didn't know if it was super tough president care I am highly since I actually I think human beings are all highly sensitive we've just shut down disconnected so I've learned that I have to say I want to feel good and honest thrives and when I'm doing this practices every day I am in alignment I'm striving to feel good and then my creative energy is awesome okay ideas inspirations it will feed into my business if I'm not doing that I will feel down that I might feel anxious I might feel scared you know and it can take me into dark places so for me I have to do a lot of self care to stay in that space the balance so it is not it's just a thousand happened for me accidentally it's very conscious mindful and requires time absolutely %HESITATION I mean I just love that has so insurance have you all with yourself but I guess that comes on to you the kind of twenty years of experience yes but you've been doing nothing again a lot we to turn it into your wanted not because of so many things to do what I lease we we have all this noise telling us that we have so much to do so so seeing that we don't work with that way I can so I think once we can set the expectation that it is going to take time I don't suppose a bit like if I use the gym analogy self with myself in order for me to you for example increased lightweight sifted or other bit of muscle it would take me generally eighteen months but I've kind of got used to that because I've been doing it for eight nine years now I'm used to the process and I love the process and I I get a good feeling from it so I think as long as I can kind of transform that into this you know send you help and I just wanna touch on you mentioned you were highly sensitive so I can also unfair but my wonder Billy I'm probably one of the most emotional guys you'll probably be this yeah in terms of the fact that my wife calls me wifey well I would actually I mean I could watch expect that somebody goes through and I'm just in case I'm so happy for it and sometimes I don't even know who this person is and I'm just boring on the other side and right sometimes up I feel a bit I used to get embarrassed by a wide wide what I get so emotional or get like a frog in my throat like you know when you when you call me the words and my voice would drop in and one for dole straight away the %HESITATION over sensitive but could I just want to touch on another thing as well I think we're in a space especially on social media where the the grind to the whole so it's kind of like a cool thing to do our E. that's what twenty four hours a day I mean the first thing out of the committee to use you know what seven days a week a trial because many hours a day I don't really have time to stop and I've seen the examples of people doing that and then the TV may be among the tree as successful some financial gain but then the set of a failed exactly yeah and I think this is a really important lesson one not just for myself but for anyone out then I who's almost damaging themselves I in some in terms of that imbalance to just have it covered look back and see what true success is like you touched on it which I thought was view for the way you said that so thank you for that is really liked it and I I would say this and I said it before the start of this episode I feel so fortunate because I have this time with amazing guess let your software I'm just get it not one to one the best coaching the vote so great for me because it is sixty minutes and %HESITATION I really enjoyed hopefully the listeners will gain something from this is awesome thank you are for sharing or not I really do appreciate it US my greatest pleasure and and I and thanks for sharing your vulnerability to because you know men are just as sensitive as women this I you know I just think there's just so much so many lies that we've been souls and we just need to get back in connection with our self and understand how we are in night I didn't realize a sense of I was either I'm highly since it highly emotional %HESITATION and I realize it's a beautiful saying if we can flow with it you know it's when it gets out of balance it can be really destructive and really problematic but it's a gift but it's like learning how to use that gift because if you're really sensitive but not honoring your sensitivity it can be really destructive and that's what I learned and and I to be honest I've learned a lot of the stuff the hard way I'm if I start pushing or trying to create some is not and so it myself other get scarecrow like something that will happen is I think it slam dunked so I've I think dot and again like also I've achieved lots of things and I had all these goals and I thought that's what I wanted and then I got it and I felt empty I thought nothing so that's when I started getting really curious like right what what is actually doing here but we need to be all areas need nurturing but we have to remember like the core of it because this is what I learn also with exercising working out and like push myself to her with health I was like probably the healthiest like person you will ever meet but I wasn't mentally healthy so it was like no matter what I achieved was never good enough is never enough never enough and it's like feeding this hungry ghost and so what I started to realize is we have to get to the core of who we are so that whatever we're doing is gonna bring true fulfillment and that sometimes means you know slowing down because what whatever we think we want isn't necessarily what we truly want it might be a next step will not talk but it's often something deeper so as long as we're bringing in that death whatever we do will be nurturing but affirmed in for not really bringing in that kind of deeper part of ourselves nothing we do is going to bring a strip of film is just get next next next like an addict so this is why it's so important and then we can really thrive and we can really enjoy life because I think what's the point what's the point of being here for not enjoying this experience absolutely absurd I I I think I said the same thing in in a post this morning I was not even those fortunate huge live the longest life is still very short for them and we really need to put that into perspective a maybe I mean one of the purposes of the show is always like to talk about phase two which is what we're going to next because it's it's an adverse T. where I suppose if I cook for a few weeks but we think okay life is short let me let me thank all the people who have helped me let me show love to those close to me and it may just be great for the moment but then all of a sudden two three weeks pass and then you kind of back into the rat race and you'll get to routine you forget everything so I am very blessed because this part because as almost made me be grateful six six days a week was before grad she was never part of my daily routine so say the center helps me so yeah this fantastic point and if we do move over to the best of it and you spoke briefly about deep connection a conversation let's talk about the hard stuff if you wouldn't mind let's let's get you renewed shows refueled eyes you stay if I'd like to know a time of just a time when you face grade fifty and more importantly how you persevere through and the less is that it for you if you could share that with myself and this is I think a big great value so obviously life I you know I'm one forty one now so I've had lots of you know knocks and challenges of little mini ones but I feel I feel the core thing maybe this is maybe is getting too deep I don't know but the core thing for me this run through everything was what I would say with the trauma from my childhood and that no matter what I've done his name like I can't you can't escape yourself so what I realize a lot of my goals in my dreams when I've been pushing towards is actually been in a way to trying to skate this trauma trying to skate this pain and I realize that there's no escaping ourselves so in a way what what I realize is that all of my goals an element of trying to expand beyond you know trying to two almost to create a New World for myself and every time I try to kind of grown expands and I felt like I kept running slammed back down again and again and again and what I realize is because I had to get right down to the deep core of myself my trauma my pain and go in and transform it from like the inside out in order to truly like to truly expand into a desire I'm so it's not one thing it's many many things but there is this fundamental core wound within myself which came you know you know and and lesser it's not her fault but cut comes from this relationship with my mom and because of you know her pain and trauma both my parents again trauma which almost everyone does what human being has an experience pain trauma what I call ancestral trauma trauma that gets passed down from generation to generation to generation and so what I experienced was this feeling of like because of my parents trauma I didn't feel loved I didn't feel like who I was was it knowledge or values out a good enough so I felt bad I felt like I'm a bad person something about me is bad something about me is disgusting something about me as a wrong and I've been on this kind of missions trying grow out of this feeling feeling bad a not good enough and I didn't know that that's what was running me consciously when I was younger but now I can see that's what it was and it wasn't because you know my parents did anything wrong it's just that because of their stuff they couldn't really give me the kind of love and support and nurturing that I needed so I felt kind of abandoned neglected emotionally speaking spiritually speaking and it's so so the only time I fell all right was one of the cheating in sport because I was really good at sport and then I'd get could us then I'd get maybe comfort I I I yes so it was so I feel for me like this journey last twenty years has been about really finally learning how to love and take care of like really value who I am last four and see who I am I know the actually there's nothing wrong with me on the deepest level of my being but it's been a really long journey to really get that because you can know something intellectually conceptually but it's about really knowing it deep within yourself that who I am as okay now and so this is been obviously and might as a healer us I've been trying to give the out to everybody else I was like I'm gonna give it to you and get you and help you feel okay and I'm gonna see you and love you and witness you but I wasn't really doing it for myself so this has been my biggest thing and then finally like obviously it's a work in progress right it's not like you land what I've learned about life is there's no you never Rive never arrive to the space where I know I was trying to rob us to find you know finally when I get there then I'll be okay then everything will be fine and that I realize now living you know like forty plus years now my yeah there's no arriving there is no end point there is you know you when you reach your goal may do the they'll be another one so for me it's been realizing that like fundamentally I'm okay %HESITATION and really knowing kind it's almost like the parts of me that I thought were bad I actually realized my guess and the thought this the president about America she was really good about me they just weren't hello they were acknowledged they were witnessed so they just went into the underground the underworld of the shadow and so I would say like for me this is been my biggest thing to overcome and I'm still working with that %HESITATION but I feel like there's been some really fundamental shifts and now it just changes the way that I do everything it changes the way that I move through life in a way that I create my business the way that I show up %HESITATION so rather than trying to think before I was like running into chase someone was chasing something in chasing a gone chasing a dream but I I kept on being slammed back and was like what is this why is it so hard because you can we cannot we have to move forward with all all of us no we had we life will not let us leave any part of us behind so is so this I would say I I hope that makes some sort of sense with your question but for me that's my biggest my biggest thing and I know I'm really really passionate now about the Buck stops with me like I do not want to pass on this and so what I would conceptualization my kids to future generations I want to shift is D. with these deep wounds is steep paying the state census of separation and abuse so much abuse that's been going that goes on everywhere and I really my big passion is like if I can stop that within myself and I can support other people's like just to transform a few people's lives DOT skin it then recall out into future generations and that that is my big passion I do what I do I'm like this is not going further the LAR las that's probably one of the most interesting responses about you have a head to this question it's %HESITATION it's fascinating and as you were saying that I was visiting so much with that I think your children on a fantastic place because the grandmother was so much where to send your gonna bring them so much more of the stuff that maybe you didn't have to know for your own of your parents and I think that they'll be blessed to obviously have your wisdom around that and there was one other thing you said which was you called escape yourself and I just saw this fantastic actually made that bold on my page here because we have to you well I selves faced you know this is the purpose of the show because for twenty four hours a day every single day until our last day but with ourselves so we can help we can love our parents because of our kids because of us prices as much as possible but when they're not there is just is just out of the woods yeah even myself when I struggle I have friends I can confide in but then double my friendly's my side %HESITATION my wife is my site it's just me and unless I'm not fixing myself and realizing because you again into the point you said we're not broken we just I suppose we just rebuilding Justin about strong enough I'm always trying to cut it so I thought that was one of the the one I keep were the best senses anyone's ever given me because it's something I can relate to I think it is definitely deep in us I think sometimes we need to look a little bit deeper robin just hit a generic stuff so I really appreciate you sharing that if I may off the back of that just ask you something a little bit personal please feel free to say you don't answer that's absolutely fine but you mentioned your mom again and that's probably where the trial the stock from with your childhood have you truly forgiven your ball but do you still hold any resentment towards a I have truly forgiven my mom %HESITATION I still I think with me I long for true authentic connection which means that whoever is in communication the also needs to be able to be authentic and I think it's really hard for some people to be that self honest because to be honest with yourself you have to feel everything and you know it's a generational thing their generation is just not equipped to feel on that level so I also have to for me it's not accepting just acceptance of yeah here she is and where she's in honoring her past and her journey and it's different very different from mine so for me it's been about acceptance forget forgiveness is part of it but it was about it it was about acceptance and like I was trying sometimes my mission to heal in transforming changes meant that I haven't you know accepted I heard the situation how it how it is and I because I wanted things to be better and I can see it could be better could be better you know this call is pushed pushing again I'm and partly that's good that's good for a person who really wants to grow and evolve but for someone who's just like I just want to be me in this moment %HESITATION so that's been one of my biggest learnings particular relations my mom is just like this that letter be more women yeah but I'm on a very different mission %HESITATION so so yes I would say it for you absolutely forgiveness is there but now my practice is just really acceptance of Santos the north and I think that's a great lesson for anyone listed is that not everybody will have the same dreams goals aspirations or the desire to grow hi yes I. freezes you are and myself and it was very frustrating for me when I have family members and friends who I want to see do just as well as minnows that come along with the security of light south developments operation nine out of ten of a lot actually I'm just fine where I am and I could never understand and used to frustrate me I'm almost to the point where you're trying to get into the head and understand their logic and not in itself would drive you crazy and yeah I did find just accepting the way that they are because of their own belief system and just whatever they desire was just so much easier for myself and then on though let's just work on myself and maybe one day I can inspire them to maybe think Hey I want the couple cool just trying to enhance my life because I suppose sometimes I'll say and I think ignorance is bliss like before I went on the self development JD lysosomal simply was that's what Monday to Friday and let's get drunk on a Friday night cover the Senate and about to break where is now but body myself on all these layers of my life but at the same time I truly enjoy like I I love what I do I love the whole landing on the government so much in just this last fifty minutes for yourself that note notebook would really give me because it's just been a an authentic people conversation so I want people to kind of fill how long feeding now but again like you said something he stopped except not everyone's may be ready for it in this metallic time yeah so yeah I'm and I would ask you another question and if I if I may and this one is you're in well I would consider not a very good place or at least in a place where you can kind of rely on yourself and maybe make yourself more violence but I want to ask you what's your biggest fear right now in this moment sure it's interesting I think one of my biggest fear is being alone and I mean suffering I I think having like a painful death is also something that scares me I don't mind dying I'm at peace the dying I just don't want pain %HESITATION but being being alone so I realize that connection really deep heart center doesn't the connection fuels me deeply so yeah I think being being totally alone is my answer to that one and and that's being alone from I'm assuming people not in terms of your practice of started chewed or anything like that no because I need that now and I I've I realize that but I I I used to hate I used to run a mile from being alone in anyway and yeah me too big being alone lead you know see because you can be around people and you can there can be a business you can still feel alone yeah at a lonely and that that is something that I've experienced a lot in my life and the I've realized because I need to sort of do get exam to feel to feel yet to see a connection with people %HESITATION so yeah I think being loaned me is probably %HESITATION yes the idea of like a sometimes a sinking gosh if I get old you know no no friends so there's no family and I'm all alone you know that I think is one of the worst things a nice I there's so many people that feel so alone in this world was so many billions of people in it kind of breaks my heart so I feel like I'm also kind of is my fear and then also motivates me to do something about that like how can we shift this alone academic that seems to be on this plan of so many people so so I take my fears and then on the rights what can we do you know that it inspires me to take action and do something I think you touched or someone at a program for you which is low enough so in my last life as a social worker I became aware of the statistics of people suffering and I went in the auto sector and the amount of I does who you I would go visit for Caro just to see how they're doing I was heart breaking with the had no family or friends and and it really did make me feel grateful for this the simple things the ability to just pick up the phone and have a conversation with someone because loneliness is it so it is side it's horrible and I don't wish on anyone and it is actually something that hopefully I can announce to the next maybe years so I'm trying to do more for mental health is trying to create a social enterprise where they're gonna with the money that we raise from the business we're gonna donated to open like day centers and night centers for people who are struggling in isolation %HESITATION just to kind of give a a safe haven where there's no stigma attached to suffer with a mental health to come into a safe place and not be alone basically because through my experience I believe it was a movement often have an informative folk with quite a few people there would say the one thing that they'd want is just someone to talk to without without the fear of judgment and just not be that long because I think they feel like they are unknown and they stroking had swiped like I said with this show is to show people that your problem is an exclusive to you there are diss identifica will connect and we just try to support each other we can hopefully %HESITATION have a have a have a happier life basically all that so beautiful absolutely and and what I've learned because I'm so I've you know supported many many people now over the years is that if you're struggling with something there there is someone else who's struggling the same thing like we're not alone and this is the things also I feel passionate speaking openly authentically to help other people realize you're not the only ones struggling you know yeah and so I think it's beautiful I love your vision thank you thank you we are not you are they going to going to the faux pas the shows are you ready yes okay three two one if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be poverty your favorite beer I TA your biggest role model Oprah Winfrey what would you like to be remembered for love your biggest goal this year Christian because because this year to find where we want to let you waste mistake not appreciating every moment of my girls and they were little if you could relive one day again what they would it be when my girls are for like two and five when they're little day whenever that all the ability to fly it will be visible fly the number one thing that I'm doing easy dishonesty money or fame money your proudest moment giving birth to my girls your favorite food Indian would you rather speak four languages we'll be able to speak to animals I can speak to okay this is an old or languages eight yeah if you had an extra hour a day how would you spend it walking with my husband if you could sit with one person in the world for an hour he would it be dead or alive once the Oprah Winfrey we're at the end of the %HESITATION quick fire round how did you find that that was fun good stuff good stuff okay I'm really interested about the %HESITATION speaking with animals so of dust if your conversation for the day not as fascinated us of doctor do those stuff there so I always wanted to be a vet that was my I've always been obsessed with animals and loves loves them okay but it will almost certainly at the end of the show nine Lara so just a couple more questions if I may the next one is about reflection some of them believe that hindsight is a wonderful thing because I was the upon reflection weaker yen and think of ways to get to where we are currently quicker easier over less heartache but at the same time %HESITATION so guess the journey teaches us a lot as well it's always a real belief of mine that everything kind of happens for a reason so knowing exactly what you know now I with all your knowledge and we always them if you could go back to maybe younger Lara maybe when you were fourteen and your going through the the emotional trauma of the of your life and you can just whisper something in the younger Lars yeah what would you say I would say and I would tell her who she is so I would say that you are loved your very deeply loved you're beautiful person you got a beautiful heart you have a special you have special gifts and special sensitivity I would tell her all about the ways that she needs to be looked after nourish to feel okay %HESITATION it took me a long time to learn that and and talked about her lights and M. that she's fine Sir and energies and emotions really difficult and stressful and so I would just be telling her soothing loving things in her ear speak for us before I'm sure you probably say these kind of things not to do is you're going to just be such a bad emotional space front of which is %HESITATION which is fantastic and I suppose the lesson tortoises off I hope so yeah I'm sure you do great and that she does I believe this to the last question and the last question I always like trust my guess is about legacy so if in a hundred fifty years time science fails to save us and all that exists is a book and this book is about you and it tells us all the way in a wonderful things that you've done in life and everything up by you firstly what with the title of the book B. and second what the Blair about the back tell us about you the title would be follow your heart and it's interesting you know I think the things that I'd want to be your remember for as the kindness and love which is interesting right is it almost like I want this sort of essence be there but %HESITATION you know my my desires are you know touching touching millions of people's lives and %HESITATION making an impact inspiring people to trust in themselves trust in their heart dressed in their inner knowing %HESITATION and I hope to make the path easier for people so somehow that by me doing my part of my life Ives somehow clear that path a bit making a little bit easier to walk for future generations something along those lines nothing must be for this view for some reason I mean you definitely made my life easy just in this very brief conversation I'm excited to kind of funny you Jenny moving forward because you've got twenty years experience so for us to be able to just latch on to that and almost kinda get a bit of a head start and then go through the process with you it's fascinating I think calling this and love are two you know the most be for things that we we all should whether it's natural what do we have to learn it just just landed because it will it's going to be in such a better place and finally just on that and following your journey which I really want to encourage every person that listens to the show and all was said to be doing it myself is how can we follow you and how can we connect with you if that's okay with yourself while the best platforms well I love connecting I realized something that motivates me more than anything %HESITATION so I'm on you too if you put in Lara Waldman abundance activator %HESITATION I'm on Facebook if you can larva of an abundance activator I'm on Instagram Lara Waldman official and my website is Lara Waldman dot com and if you want to reach I've got a contact form on the website they're fantastic what I will do is pull or those with the actual links in the show notes so anyway listen to this episode it you just go to the show notes and click it directly and get in touch with you well obviously be promoted on ward aspects of social media are I just wanna say once again thank you so much for your time in order your knowledge that you've lasted so with today and I want to thank everyone at home thank you for listening thank you so much for having me it's been a great pleasure and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"Everlasting touch" by Kimberly JoNell #30

Tagline: "Compassion, kindness, connection, empathy & love will carry throughout human civilization"

What an incredibly beautiful soul Kimberly JoNell is.

A woman who has faced her biggest fears, of losing her friend, both parents and her belongings to Hurricane Katrina. A lady who spends every waking hour serving others, with no expectation of receiving anything back. A graceful individual who focuses on making the world a better place for children, teenagers and all those who experience trauma to some level in their lives. I am forever grateful to have shared an hour with Kimberly as I genuinely believed I learnt so much from her story, her experience, her wisdom and knowledge. She is someone who has shown me I have yet so many further steps to travel. But she also showed me that I was right in what I was doing.

We must all live to and through our own purpose. We must become self-aware and recognise our own beauties and become in touch with ourselves so that we can then leave an everlasting touch to the rest of the world.

It was also the first time I have ever shown clips of the episode prior to launching because I have genuinely never felt such a connection with someone, whose message is so pure, authentic and sincere. I urge you all to support this amazing lady and follow her incredible journey on the links shown below.

Some key discussion points:

1. How to become more self-aware
2. The importance of self-love
3. Facing and overcoming adversity
4. Intent and sincerity
5. Living with energy and inspiration
6. Importance of being curious

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com

YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y

Links to Kimberly

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jacksonk10

Podcast: https://anchor.fm/you-are-the-wealth-with-kimberly-jonell/episodes/Having-Less-Stuff-Can-Reduce-Anxiety-e4g359

Twitter: https://twitter.com/YouAreTheWealth

Pippa Transcript:

welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of find your voice my name is iron and as always I am the host of the show so today I am bringing you Kimberly JoNell somebody who who got me through the interview to state this was actually the greatest three minutes dot ever experience so far %HESITATION find your voice maybe that is because it's something that resonated with me somewhat more than maybe it will with yourselves but what I will say is that that three minutes completely changed the way that I see people in the way that I did not carry out my life and again this is why I'm not trying to move the show a little bit more towards because I'm very conscious that we can all get inspired and motivated by hearing all these stories of people overcoming adversity and going through the trials and tribulations but still remaining positive is still persevering but what I want to start to do not %HESITATION is trying to ask each of my guess a couple of tips a couple of things that we can take away so last week you had the incredible tale that give us the clay act message and that was fantastic and in fact what you've been doing that for the last two weeks and Kimberly crops are owner gets and these looks absolutely incredible and I would just want to say it once again my gratitude to committee for taking time out of a day I certainly learned so much and realize that this personal development Jedi dom on I have so much further to go pretty speedy forty six it's exciting and I'm really enjoying the process and hopefully you guys I've come along on the journey as well are enjoying it too so without further ado let's get this interview on the way okay so firstly I just wanna thank Kimberly for taking time out of a day to come when I show today and be quite enough to share his story as she's actually have podcaster herself a business owner a trauma specialist which is actually something I'm really interested to hear more about a community I reach and youth health educator SO very excited for this opportunity she's on the other side of the road actually so we are connected via Skype which is fantastic in this is kind of the thing that podcasting kind bring to the surface so before we begin can really how you doing today I'm awesome just excited to be here and and and opportunity to talk with you and the rest of your listeners thank you so much for taking the time and having me here today I appreciate it you're very welcome thank you too as well for taking time out your day so it's quite easy for me it's ten o'clock here in the U. K. and parties even a free use of bless you for having to deal with me rambling gone in the morning so %HESITATION I'm a morning person luckily for you saw my so hopefully this will be plain sailing I think it's going to be important for my listeners to get to know your story a little bit from yourself so if you wouldn't mind can belief you kind of just give us I suppose a summary of of your life some things of by you have basically what brings you here today thank you sure so %HESITATION I grew up in a small town outside of Cincinnati Ohio Colerain township and I both of my parents live in the household with me my dad was a truck driver my mother was a stay at home mom and essentially I had a pretty %HESITATION pretty interesting childhood I went back and forth between Louisiana during my summers and %HESITATION didn't really have a lot of extended family in the city where we lived only child so that definitely I provided a lot of insight for me growing up in terms of spending a lot of time alone and I think it has developed a lot within me where I'm pretty self to pay and then in terms of with my self awareness %HESITATION most of my childhood friends I'm still very close to now but there were a lot of experiences I had throughout my childhood and teenage years which brought a lot of curiosity for B. into the things that I'm interested in now %HESITATION I particularly had several relatives in my life who had special needs and the growing up in the nineteen eighties you really did not have a lot of explanation or information available as to what special needs wise what developmental delays wire and throughout my high school years I began to read up a lot more about it I had a cousin in particular that had autism %HESITATION and so I developed an interest in that and I eventually started studying speech pathology in college and I found out from that from that field that we work with individuals who have ox is M. we work with individuals who have other developmental delays that and then we will also serve children who have articulation delays language delays stuttering all of those different facets in childhood there's other rounds of speech pathology as well so part of my %HESITATION my background in that is from some of the early experiences in exposures I had with people who had a developmental delays or cognitive delays so that was sent that was of a big passion of mine early on %HESITATION I'm passionate about electronics and if anybody files my Instagram page they'll see that I'm usually into a lot of different things but %HESITATION I enjoy anything dealing with technology being here for forty years now I have observed so many revolutionary things that have been brought to the %HESITATION into the space with regards to technology advancements the internet %HESITATION and now we're involving %HESITATION evolving into a lot of other things in terms of digital currency %HESITATION I was just reading an article last night about a timeless vehicles so I'm just I'm just a very curious person to being only child I didn't really have a lot of friends early on and I spent a lot of time by myself so curiosity just drives me %HESITATION I'm incredibly grateful I I went through a lot of very difficult situations early on in life I'm I witnessed %HESITATION a violent incident in my early twenties which shaped a lot of things for me %HESITATION I had a very close friend of mine in my early twenties that was killed so that shaped a lot for me as well %HESITATION during my last year of college I'm last right before after graduation from college my family in Dort hurricane Katrina %HESITATION which was a mass of hurricane that impacted the Louisiana and Gulf coast area of the United States and throughout that process I lost everything I had because most of my things were in Louisiana at the time and I was living in a different state so I had the indoor loss %HESITATION several times throughout my life and then two years later both of my parents passed away unexpectedly so sorry to hear that %HESITATION well you know it it does those challenges are things that so many of us have to go through and %HESITATION and and back to that just with my parents that was a huge motivator for me as well in terms of getting into the mental health field at because I did have a lot of observation throughout my childhood with people in my family who struggle with mental health issues and at that time no one really gave it a label but you kind of just observe things that were happening around you and then also observing things that happen within myself as a teenager I struggled a lot with anxiety I struggle out was depression I think that was around the first time in my life and maybe around seventeen or eighteen when I really started to feel what depression felt like and %HESITATION so as I got older I really began to try to understand more about and it wasn't until after my parents passed away that I would there be and it really I mean I am a huge advocate for therapy for people now so that brought me into the mental health realm of where I am now with helping people in the community outreach with trauma and %HESITATION I've taken mindfulness training to try to assist people with that area of their life as well so I'm all over the place but I have many many passions and it it is what keeps me going and just being able to provide something of value to to to the world why what a story so you've definitely exceeded my expectations already in the so many things I actually own a car from that story so face the odds I just love your I chewed because for somebody who's in George so much loss not just only with your friend be a Paris which you know I I send my deepest condolences for %HESITATION you you have such a brilliant attitude that you are grateful for the difficult situations in your life and this is literally it's almost like if I had to think of a perfect guest to have a my show Kimberly you would be that guess because I want people to realize that the calls that would tell in life because we choose and sometimes it works sometimes it bad and it's about having to overcome the adversity and almost used adversity is a gift and you've you've taken on all these obstacles in your life and not what you're doing is you're saving others and you'll fulfilling yourself your happiness and I and I just loved about you that you you send for instance your cousin who's suffered with autism and you said I need to understand is a little bit better and you've dived into that topic and now you're trying to make a difference for people free speech pathology that you mentioned and I like that your all over the place I love that because for some people it's quite common for them to kind of thing that I need to be an expert in one field will kind of stick to one lane I love a lot yourself I am very chaotic my mind is all over the place I am into property on one side I mean to podcast into his by the board in one place I am also an advocate of children's as struggling so my younger brother has wound isn't as well and I was a social worker in my past life so there's a lot of things I can and resonate with you even with the depression my mom suffered a depression some trying to start a social enterprise to raise awareness so I wish I had more of me or more of you actually could you have so much more awareness to me that we could almost in the short amount of time that we have one in this bill would make such a positive difference and I mean even the hurricane Katrina that was big news over here in the U. K. is about that experience Dynegy spoken to somebody who's lived out means it's one thing seen on the television on and if you wouldn't mind because it's quite unique topic could you just maybe run through that area to what it was like in terms of how you're feeling and what you have to do I'll absolutely ads for me I moved actually I graduated from college in may of two thousand five I was attending a college in Louisiana New Orleans and I actually have an apartment in east New Orleans I received a job offer to move to Georgia and two weeks after I packed up my storage unit in just packed up probably a suitcase full of belongings intro to Atlanta Katrina hit all of my family and friends were still there the first thing I could think of in terms of just describe my my emotions was powerless I had a friend who was a nurse and %HESITATION one of the hospitals in the north the the uptown area of New Orleans she was trapped in the hole in the hospital %HESITATION I have family members who were trapped in the lower ninth ward I'm I remember being at work because I was working as a speech pathologist at the time I'm sitting in my office texting my friend who was a nurse in the hospital during apple after the hurricane that hit the levy said broke in the water it flooded the city her phone was literally the only phone on that floor her hospital they had no electricity no power I was texting her in telling her what was happening because they had no idea that the levy said broke they knew the hurricane hit they were out of power and she was in the hospital where a lot of people died because a lot of the hospital patients who did not have power for the the hospital equipment %HESITATION it was it was in a %HESITATION deal that I will never ever forget it taught me so much about just not taking things for granted I'm and also being okay with things being out of your control %HESITATION but but that particular situation with with Katrina let so much for me because I watch so many people lose so much more I lost physical possessions but I watched people that lost their whole community %HESITATION I had family members who lost neighbors who drowned one of my mother's childhood friends drowned in Katrina and she didn't find out until three months four months later %HESITATION his name popped up on the list and so %HESITATION that contribute to a lot of depression for her and she actually passed away two years after Katrina but the stress of that that situation and to watch even all these years later the posttraumatic stress that so many people in that city in in that region experienced and never still yet received support or have provided have been providing the type of %HESITATION mental health %HESITATION S. U. resources to help them with that you know I'm I'm very passion about trauma %HESITATION because it's something that is in the body the body you know there's a book out that I read about four five years ago called the body keeps the score and I think of that all the time with Katrina and terms or any natural disaster in the around the world when things are not provided for people to work through that trauma or when people are not educated on how trauma shows that up it impacts so much so for me that situation was it was a life changing for my entire family but for me to witness that %HESITATION for me to be in contact with people who are actually on the ground and did not have access to water or food in no idea what was happening it was it was literally just %HESITATION an out of out of body experience it really was the sun's up sees her flying and hope they listed as you have just heard that emotional story don't wait for %HESITATION catastrophe or disaster like hurricane Katrina to be grateful for the things that we do have fortunately I'd I have experience or the adversities are possible and want to hear from you he just makes me so much more grateful for the little things I have as well and even more so than already have you said something that was really powerful and it was being okay with the things being out of your control I know as simple as that sentence is I just feel that we will struggle with that yes and we'll have concerts you miss in the day and then I fix a motions on our behavior in the way we treat our friends and our families and it's something I'll definitely try to be more mindful of I think you to turn it previously it's about my furnace and the money keeps the school always is it's it's something not she heard about six months ago and it really makes sense to me and I've seen people who have been through trauma or who have been through hat similar to yourself and your body does take a toll because the physiology although we wanna see extending tenderly it's it's damage in a so I'm putting you on the spot here a little bit can be if you don't mind but no go ahead I can handle it customer you hundred much way so I could see myself should be fine but if you could just give say one tangible tape to somebody whether it is something as simple as just trying to be okay with things being out of your control just something of somebody experiences some level of adverse to a former in that moment what tip could you just help somebody with a tip that I can help someone with %HESITATION my biggest thing that with the teenagers that I work with is just self awareness %HESITATION body awareness of being more aware of what's going on inside of your body what he's feeling how how you breathing now what are you thinking of I %HESITATION I I truly believe that you know we it will manifest our thoughts and our body gives us feedback on everything that we transmit you know whether it's a verbal emotional energetic %HESITATION visual it's all we out process that we process it differently but to be just really self aware %HESITATION you know that is that is the most thing that I have learned in anger years of my life recently I haven't always been self aware maybe I have I did have a label for but just to be self aware yeah %HESITATION knowing yourself and and and being okay with that and then also but not not judging yourself in that in that same breath you know but just really knowing yourself and know having your boundaries %HESITATION being compassionate with yourself and we all have struggles we all have problems but not focusing on the problems as much I'm shifting your mindset that speak to that's that's a really big thing too but self awareness for me it is powerful it has worked at any age self awareness can be obtained it is not limited to you know in a certain stage of the journey that's a fantastic and so I need give us some gold information so thank you for the help and I hope it helps the land I really do it justice changed my life absolutely I think I'd so much value it one thing that I do try to do and as you said it reminded me to do it again was to be aware so I almost sat Lopez you were talking just to kind of control my breathing again proper breathing I then became self aware of my body so the sensation of my feet touching the floor in my hands resting on my thighs and little things that I think we go through life and we're almost so reactive that we we tend to forget all of that and then yeah something also so before which was not judging yourself and be compassionate with yourself and I'm probably hit the west for this because I will beat myself up over the most trivial things yet if my friends or my family what to do the same thing I would almost burned all run that showed a and sometimes I sing there I think what can I talk to myself the way that I took two of this and I think I would be living in a much better place I hope it makes no sense but I sometimes feel that we are our own worst enemies at times so I think the specified testing and we should all try to be calm and more self aware have you got any recommendations in terms of books %HESITATION courses Ole is it something that maybe you can offer the list this all my goodness there's so many books that I've read but again if there's one thing to read it but to actually and put it into practice and make it practical in your daily living %HESITATION at their at their %HESITATION I don't really know of any books that teach self awareness it it's something that that I have just more more psychology more psychology behind in anything I read a lot of self help books over the years but really understanding human behavior and psychology reading books about psychology has been tremendous for me I took psychology in college as a minor so I I had a lot of exposure to human development but now that I'm out of college I still continue to feed my brain with things to help me better understand sociology and psychology and and and human behavior I'm as I would like to say just searched anything was self awareness on the internet find people on social media who are interested in that look up hash tags about self awareness I talk about it a lot on my on my Instagram page %HESITATION I was I'm sorry go ahead no sorry I was just gonna say Kimberly or better yet follow you on your Instagram yes they yes I do I tap on it a lot in my on my my social media platform I really do because I don't think that people are a familiar with that term enough and %HESITATION again there they could somebody be eighty years old and not self aware it really is a way of being and so many people like you said %HESITATION are reactive we're just going to life to auto pilot if they're not really in tune with who they are and how they respond to the world and and being sent a lot of people have sensitivities %HESITATION anxiety is something that many people suffer with but anxiety is also triggered by a lot of sensitivity issues things in the environment you know some people are very sensitive to energy so it really makes a difference you know once you are aware of who you are and how you respond to your to life in the navigate from that space of level of understanding yourself this brilliant thank you thank you for sharing knowledge I think maybe this is more of an actual Jenny for this one they just simply picking up a book and hoping that's going to solve our problems I think it is definitely gonna require some level of daily work for this yes I'm using your own words here that you previously mentioned that you you kind of all over the place and in the things that you're doing could you kindly give us an insight into what a day in the life is like for you oh my goodness a day in the life will I wake up extremely early am I like to operate when the world where I am is still pretty quiet %HESITATION but I am constantly learning about different things %HESITATION I'm in I teach sex education that's what I do %HESITATION throughout the week %HESITATION with high school kids in the city where I live so I'm working on modules for the upcoming week I am going over questions that they ask a lot of them I give them a little box and I pass around the class I have a hundred and fifty kids this summer that according to my course date posted give questions to me anonymously and %HESITATION I'm not sure how it is there in London where you are but here in the United States sex education is not a U. eighty normalized curriculum or course in in public schools here and I'm really working on changing the conversation for that because we need it I see the feedback from the teens in the use here in the U. S. that they really want information they want %HESITATION information about how to protect themselves they want information about consent understanding that about %HESITATION this past week we did negotiation skills those are things life skills that will not of us ever ever really taught you know communication skills getting the foundation for that start early we both know communication skills are things that we have to evolve upon the route life but in the teenage years to have the opportunity to start learning communication skills and understanding with healthy and unhealthy relationships are and understand the carrot sticks of abusive relationships so I do that %HESITATION I still provide valuable insight to people who have children with special needs because that is still a passion of mine autism is still widely misunderstood autism is still very taboo and there are a lot of more holistic approach is to help kids with autism I worked in a program about four or five years ago in autism program in Virginia beach Virginia and it provided a lot of insight for me on how to approach with autism and and how to help them connect better with with people that are serving them in the school system serving them in the home and also about them when they get older me when they get older what are we what space that we have available for them what type of jobs are things that we have available in place for them so those are things that I'm working on %HESITATION I also do volunteer work I work in the nonprofit sector here I am helping to eliminate a lot of smoking environments where we are because the air pollution is is is pretty high where we are and %HESITATION we have a lot of places that still allows smoking in certain public areas where children are asked me is is a very high incident here in the area where I am so I'm involved in that I'm involved in a black chain chamber of commerce we are also educating the world about blockchain the things that are happening in that sector and how it's going to revolutionize things in in the world %HESITATION with with all of that so I'm all over the place while really just everywhere and you do all of this in the same twenty four hours is as all of us and you know what black Jane yeah blacks say this typically webinars %HESITATION we have webinars I can't always attend the meetings their meetings every day about blockchain throughout my city but I at the particular chamber that I'm in we do a lot of note similar to the Skype limits are popping if they have a meeting I try to find out you know what what they're working on it how I can contribute %HESITATION the sex ed courses go on during the day I only teach for about an hour and a half because the kids are in the summer program so I come in and provide them with the need in their lives and take questions and then I move on but I am busy and I home school my daughter so I do that too it I'm maximize my day but I mean it it just flows I mean I'm just so happy to be alive to be here so it it doesn't I never really get burned out I I have found a way to really just take it all in and and focus on things that I'm passionate about it because my intention behind everything is good %HESITATION it just flows it really does I love that I chill Olwen expend energy from may so it feels like you'll got so much let your inspiration this this self service the selfless yes you just giving out and most of it is probably because of the addresses of come in your life to make you feel so grateful have you always been that a Colleen generous personal how's life almost made you just appreciate everything you have to then go out and try to give more to the world %HESITATION you know I honestly I I think I've always been that way they had a lot to do with my parenting %HESITATION my parents did everything they could to keep me very grounded %HESITATION I I grew up in a in a it was a lot a lot and %HESITATION even though there were some things that occurred you know by parents or are not perfect but they they both do their very best to make sure that I stay grounded and date expose me to things where I was able to see that I was very blessed in the situation that I was in and they always made sure that I I remain humble %HESITATION so a really had to do with my parents in my eyes my parents again they they were great they have their own struggles but they truly %HESITATION embodied compassion and empathy in mice that my mother used to we will go to New Orleans they were children in the neighborhood who who who didn't have a lot of food and they're they're I don't know what their situations where because I was probably eight or nine years old I remember she would pack food for them and and give them food and and we would she was very passionate about the elderly community and senior senior citizens and she would spend time with them as he would take me with her and do all of those things so I grew up seeing it modeled in people in my life and so for me it was just natural it was part of being human I love it your mother sounds like an incredible lady she was housing and I gained some of those lessons that the compassion the empathy and stuff I have to be very grateful as well that that was instilled in me from my parents and this is probably one of the main things along with kindness to a one one day when I do have children T. just instilled in nothing that's a hell of a lot more important than some of the things we think are important growing up in life such as the results that you get on an exam for example who's got the best trade is what I mean that there's more important things compassion empathy or not so that's a beautiful on sat and just on not then what is your intrinsic and why you know what I do so much and I don't expect anything in return and so I think that has a lot to do with that I just I want to see people happy I want to see people for Phil and I want to see people doing what they love I at throughout my life I have observed so many people who are unhappy and who were not enjoying life and it has it's saddening sometimes to see that %HESITATION and then there it's comes from people who you know who have gone through a lot but just to be alive you know that's that's just enough you know is just enough %HESITATION I just don't take anything for granted %HESITATION at the I just don't we have a lovely I think your intent is is so truthful and honest and I'm not sure if it's something that maybe we would have to go through adversity to kind of gain that deception without clarity the fact that you want to see people happy you want to see for filled and seeing them do what they love that's literally how are you try to be I mean all I'm AT my Jenny I am still learning I love it so much from you just in the short amount of time that we had together so very grateful for that and I don't understand myself and I'm going to find a bit of a tangent here so excuse me but I see a lot of people especially on social media who pretends to have the intent that you have no I could feel it from you just right did you notice the second says that you've been through that your your because nobody who's not pure would go out there and selflessly wake up early met the most of the day to be trying to make an impact in so many different areas of life which she feels that she can make an impact but in social media today after that we're also in a society where people will on this mask and then they almost try and say the right things in order to gain fame more publicity %HESITATION more like a social media I mean really white it really dries my kids because I can see straight through somebody's intent but you touched on something that was brilliant and is that you don't burn I and I think when you come from a place of inspiration and you come from a place of just your passion you're not going to bed not because you any Jesus bureau I mean I don't have the science behind that to back it but I I believe that because I don't have to get better %HESITATION when I'm working for most of the I'm passionate about but I feel that when I work for an organizational something with my values and ethics don't align with it I struggle a struggle between ones so I think that's a great message that you gave in this podcast is for people just to be honest with themselves again it comes back to self awareness of a kind of come full circle here that in life sometimes people are saying the buzz words because I feel that's going to attract more likes and attention where is I'm just saying just be yourself there's nothing wrong if you don't want to change the world there's absolutely nothing wrong with that if your house and your content in your field in your life then by all means just live that life but don't try to be something that you're not because I'm said finding it's hard enough just be myself and try to figure myself I run and try to have a second personally so yeah a little bit of a run that but I just I just feel that you've you've gave so much and clarity and value dava been able to kind of connect the dots that hope you're made about since two years ago is now yes thank you and I I totally agree you can definitely feel it and %HESITATION you know I'm I'm not in the business of of being negative on other people but I don't like to see people being deceived you know that's a big thing for me and that is that is where I I I said the self awareness I talk about that with my teenagers about being manipulated as did you have to be so in tune with yourself where you can see it coming a mile away I said it's a different game in this world now you know there's a lot of illusions that pretend to be the truth and you have to be on top of that and you have to trust yourself and if something doesn't feel right if something doesn't resonate then then don't force IT don't you know try to make it make it feel good and or to go with the flow but you're right you fit you can sense that I I'm the same way in it if used to trigger me it really did but I feel that when you're not operating from a space of integrity or a space of intent eventually it catches up with you it always does it always does I think I'm realizing that I think people who are trying to go for the short term gains will events short term yeah yeah absolutely but what was incredible they can really was as you said manipulation I literally wrote that would die some I'm not trying so if you hit the nail on the head is Zaki with them my thought process and I see in a society where people are taking advantage of people could because one I see people who already at a disadvantage anyway through the because of the man dell in life and it just really upsets me that there's a but I did then trying to exploit these people and so by almost trying to sell people that they're missing a key ingredient for example so you you're having people setting courses for like two thousand pounds because if you really want to be successful you need this one thing so you need to come by my course and I'm just like Hey you could talk about it and I'm I'm trying to think that we need to let yourself is try to be more persuasive rod in trying to manipulate people but I think if people with self aware and use they got interested what you just said I think we definitely in a better place but yeah that's that's interesting thank you for that your welcome and just to add on that %HESITATION people prion in security and anytime that someone can make another person feel as if they are not enough then they open that door where they can say you're not enough here's what you need from me in order to you know and that I learned what I work in the nonprofit sector I'll I observe that a lot of people go into underserved communities and they would do the photo ops they will go when under the agenda that they were there to serve and to help but it was really just to for their own personal gain it was either for notoriety and the people in the community what will begin to not trust in a will go away and then we will try to provide information and resources they would say well how long you going to be here because most people come in they collect data from us and they leave and so I saw that in real world experience and then for to see it on the internet now on social media is so much easier for people everybody's looking for something and and they and then those who are preying on people they are out here doing it with with expectation of something in return whether it's money whether it's likes whether its followers but it's not coming from the space of I am here to to provide value for you I don't want anything from you and like you said the short term is a short term objective but is is the long term because I believe we're all interconnected if we can provide value for someone it's plants the seed that can alter their life life choices in their lifetime and they shouldn't require anything from someone else you know just the energy exchanges enough you know that's enough yeah can be this is this is exactly why I love this podcast on from from a sunfish perspective dot last three minutes not on twenty eight shows that's probably the best three minutes to all I've been fortunate to have heard maybe because it resonates with me on a personal level so you said something that and I I got a bit emotional and and the heads of my home stood up because he said people pray on security and I fill in the last twelve months somebody who I considered very close to me prior mind security from mind's eye you my shyness and it was almost led to believe that any of the success I have in the future was down to this one individual yes in hindsight when a simple thing can I think I've had to or that we can all I've got to overcome my fear is I've got to go and try to do public speaking and then embarrass myself because the words don't come out and I've got all those reps in those I was in those sleepless nights but there was a time when I wasn't as self aware %HESITATION realizing my own values always bring into the world and I didn't believe that it was all done to this one individual one it was incredible how the how they I suppose it was be manipulated I'm to be honest and only share this on not to kind of broadcast this as this individual I'm trying to book classes to people who may be going through the same situation because I now sit here and I I feel hurt and I feel pain that I feel that the individual has loss probably one of the most low people on the road and that's one thing that I would always try and be is is just a very loyal person to people even myself on this JWT person development six seven years I'm still landing everyday so am I on a selfish reason that really resonated with me massively and I hope it does for that for the laces are because I'm sure we're all going to be coming into contact with people who we generally think have our best intentions are hot but deep down and their intent is not as pule and %HESITATION and I I truly believe that is all comes down to your intent yes it does it does so thank you for that and I'm gonna just flipped the script nice so I want to ask you have you been through so much adversity and since so much in your incredible story and you could talk about this for days just a shame that you're on the other side of the road but what actually scares you in this moment what's your biggest fear you know to be honest I almost want to say I don't have any fears but I think for me there's a inner urgency just to make sure that I do everything that I can in terms of my mission here before I leave here and and I don't really know when that time will be but other than that I don't really have any fears and I'm not afraid of death I'm not afraid of failure I'm not afraid of of of is there a being embarrassed %HESITATION I've shared a lot of personal things on my Instagram page that most people probably would not share out of fear of judgment I'm not afraid of judgment I'm not really afraid of anything and I think that that's what my fuel is it's like no one can say anything that can really take me out of my space and it it just it empowers it empowers me that I don't have any really I don't really have any fears of anything I just I haven't always been this way though so now it has this has been a journey to get get this I used to be afraid of a lot you know but %HESITATION again I think the experiences that I've gone through have basically all of my fears that I had I had to face them so no thank you for sharing that thank you for mentioning that you wasn't always like this because I I think when somebody and hopefully people after this show will be the definite gravitate towards you for you that might just think that it's okay for Kimberly Camby's got it all figured out what people don't realize is everyone has a story and everyone becomes the way they are because of whatever is happening this previous chapters that's kind of one of the purposes behind the show and if I'm completely honest now you've got me intrigued because I'm I'm kicking myself that I did it do you more stalking into your personal is around is my own you know put my hands up because I think Instagram we look at it and we look at pretty pictures it is not attracted us in the face to the second record of I scored away so I'm very interested not to kind of go back into your posts and the whole the listeners do as well because I'm sure there's going to be a lot that we can all learn from not so %HESITATION definitely %HESITATION food for thought for myself thank you for that yeah I'll you're welcome yeah there's there's a ton of %HESITATION information I've been on Instagram since two thousand eleven and believe it or not the first three or four years of Instagram my page was totally private I I used to be a very private person and then %HESITATION one day something came to my mind and it said you you're gonna have a lot that you need to do and you're gonna have to reach a lot more people and opening your account is the only way be able to do it to know you with it you can that work and talk to people and really connect with other people and I just always been a very private person I'm totally on the different end of the spectrum now there's nothing that I won't share about my life for the most part I'm pretty much open but %HESITATION yeah there's a ton of information there and I hope we can provide some value for people anything kind of watch my journey along the way over these years %HESITATION as well thank you and that's the V. for thing about it and I feel not it should be Stephanie your G. eat to spread your light and spread your message as well so if I ever see you doing anything in private I'm gonna tell you off myself piston he make sure they put out into the road because yeah yeah lightning definitely okay can be rested on the part of the show now which I like to cool the from Polish %HESITATION where I'm gonna put you on the spot and ask you also as a way to win for questions so we're gonna start in three two one what did you eat for breakfast %HESITATION nothing yet okay your biggest gift the ability to communicate the ability to fly %HESITATION be visible fly would you rather have a rewind button or a pause button on life but many of fame that's not that's a tough one money or fame because both provide impact I wish I would have to say money because I could do things anonymously and still make an impact without the fame I don't want to sync your proudest moment becoming a mother your favorite food pineapple not fix the chief of man I used to pass down Kay your number one goal this year connect with more people that are international your favorite TV show ever you know what I was just talking about that yesterday I like Mister Rogers neighborhood there %HESITATION there's like great value in wisdom and that would you rather know how you would die or when you are done when your favorite hobby apple in books or movies books if you could sit with one person in the road for an hour who would it be your last I love to pick his brain US there is a child was actually something happened to my parents that was my worst fear and finally if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be I would abolish anything that would cause harm to children yeah I working with teenagers and knowing that a many of them are going through a lot or have been through a lot as a result of other people if I could if I could abolish any type of harm done to children because everything originates in childhood absolutely yeah thank you we are actually at the end right yeah brilliant okay so just a couple more questions can be from may and %HESITATION the next one I always like to ask my guess is about reflection so I'm a family even the whole inside is a wonderful thing in terms of it can teach just ways that we can get to places quick cash with less heartache Reza who all want to know is if you could knowing everything that you know knives go back to a time where maybe you will be and said no we're not clear way you we're going in life and whisper something in the younger Kim please yeah what would you say I would tell a younger Kimberly to trust herself yeah I would I would tell her to trust herself because there was a time when I would listen to what everyone else was saying my parents my friends and this is before social media so I can only imagine the at the feedback that people get now from strangers are from people that they don't now but to trust myself trust myself UPS is going to be okay everything's going to be okay love the love that thank you and sadly that she does bring us to the last question so if in a hundred fifty years time science vows to save us and all that exists is a book and this book it's about you it's about your life and all the way in a wonderful things that you've contributed to life and everything about you basically firstly what would the title of the book be and secondly what with the Blair but the back tell us about you the title would be everlasting touch mom and that the blurb on the back would have to be that S. the legacy is is is that compassion kindness connection %HESITATION embassy those and and love those are the things that that Kerry that that Kerry throughout human civil realization it's it's intrinsic of who we are it's it's wired in our DNA and %HESITATION and that's that's the touch that you know it goes through our address there are children it goes through us through people that we connect with I feel it through you and through and through the night you know it's it's the human value them up today how would you want to be remembered though as a person like what would you want the fasting that when somebody mentions your name that they say oh we can be yes she is sincere mmhm I think sincerity is something that people cannot imitate yeah or pretend sincerity sincerity hello love that thank you can release so %HESITATION so suddenly that she does bring this to the the end of the show is actually been one of my favorite shows and like I said this is a segment in here which really touch my heart and I've read so much just having this fifty minute conversation with you and I'll definitely show to kind of follow your Jenny but what I want to do is give the audience a chance to connect with you as well because I I think your fascinating %HESITATION individual I think you you bring so much so much good into the world nothing you can do so much more as well moving forward so if you wouldn't mind if you could just kind of give us the best places where people can perhaps reach out to you connect with you %HESITATION maybe just follow your Jenny sorry yes I am on Instagram as at Jackson K. ten I'd spell J. A. C. K. S. O. N. the number one zero and I also have another handle Instagram called you are the wealth that's also the name of one of my businesses and %HESITATION I have a pod my podcast this call you are the wealthy can find it on all the podcast platforms as well and yeah that that the you are the well this is something that I recently created because again the self awareness in the self worth is something that I believe needs to be cultivated and and everyone and %HESITATION damp that damn on Twitter is you are the well I'm not much on Facebook so you'll find me on Instagram or Twitter and then I have the podcast but but those are %HESITATION that that's enough for me I think I spread myself too thin the family absolutely absolutely nothing you doing at TI much anyway although I say I say that in a positive way because everything the duties of the fantastic so thank you thank you for sharing those can be all set order the information in the show notes so on how the actual links there for anyone that needs to click on it I want to once again from the ball my hot thank can be for a time today more importantly everyone a hold thanks for listening thank you and thank you for what you're doing as well it's much needed thank you and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day

Adversity Hurricane Katrina Loss of parents Self awareness

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"Happiness abound" by Taylor Proctor #29

Tagline: "We are all capable of happiness abound"

What an incredible episode this was. If I am completely honest and share my own vulnerabilities with this particular interview, I feel I wasn't at my best. I felt Taylor touched on so many things that resonated with me and reminded me of how far I still have to go on my journey that it almost became a self realisation exercise. This then threw me off course as it may be noticeable in the episode, but what it didn't do was throw Taylor off who delivered incredible value. It is for reason I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to have connected with Taylor who I believe will truly teach you all something tangible and useful to take away in your lives.

I know for one, I will be implementing the CLEAR model myself to move my own personal development forward and I hope you can all do this too. She is an incredible woman, who also openly admits to not being this way her whole life and that it has been a process for her.

I genuinely believe the tangible steps and tips that Taylor shares just in this episode alone can make you all happier, and let's be honest who doesn't want more happiness in their life eh?

More importantly for anyone who can relate to the anger issues, perhaps this may also give you a huge insight in to why we are the way we are.

Some key discussion points:

1. How to control your anger
2. Self love
3. CLEAR model
4. Embracing the process

Remember whatever you are going through in life today, that you are 'not broken'. We can all heal, and we and grow as Taylor shows and shares in her beautiful story and also don't stop learning here. Go and support her and follow her podcast and journey in the links below:

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com

YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y

Links to Taylor Proctor:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/taylor.proctor.31

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/happiness_abound/?hl=en

Website: https://www.happinessabound.com

YouTube Transcript:

welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode a fine your voice my name is art and as always I am the host of the show so I'm delighted to have to bring to you today Taylor proctor to the show and tell you is actually an experience podcasting fought she's had three hundred plus episodes so it's certainly recommend after this episode of course you go and check out her podcast but what really got me fascinated by Taylor this story into trying to get her on the show was that she teaches happiness but when I head out though well basically I would be happy also secondly wouldn't it be great if we can take the mind of somebody who does this for a living and then give that to you guys so you can walk away at least after this episode was something tangible is something that you can if you are feeling low or if you are in a situation where you are unable to control your emotions how some thing practical that you can utilize and that's what you want me in Taylor spoke about but more importantly I think you're gonna find her story very interesting because hopping this wasn't something that you would always associate with Taylor in fact it was anger and not without spoiling anything else I think this is probably a good time to jump over to the show okay fantastic so I just wanna start the show today then bye thank you my wonderful guest who's from the states her name is Taylor and we ought to just speaking just before I started this interview that was that you store can at full potential guest on Instagram and the thing that she stuck out for me from her by well was that she had the transformational happiness mental in her bio I'm not just got me thinking I thought you know what I need I need a bit of that and more point I'm sure so my listeners could or would do with a dose of happiness so that was kind of the reason I reached out to Taylor and I do thank you for taking time out of a day SO of seat time constraints it's the morning there so blessed issues first thing she's having to listen to is my voice this morning so thank you Taylor for coming on the show and how you doing today I'm doing fantastic thank you so much for having me on I'm so excited and honored and delighted to be here well you're very welcome and likewise I'm very excited to is off because as with anyone in the world I'm sure happiness is definitely one of the things that we will aim for it is one of my goals in life so hopefully by the end of this episode will be smiling and enjoy the rest of our days but before I carry on rumbling I really think it's important for the listeners in the audience to really get to know you a little bit so if you wouldn't mind if you could just kind of give us a bit of a history about your story and how you've kind of going through life I suppose to almost not become a transformational happiness mental absolutely so I was a very very angry person and I was the kind of person that there's there's a phrase a a group playing basketball and it was %HESITATION on my wall there was that the phrase it says hell hath no fury like five women on a fast break which is the basketball it was it was awesome and but when I look at this eight three angry time in my life which was in my early to mid twenties I it's the phrase hell hath no fury like Taylor minor league minor league inconvenienced because I would be I mean any small thing and I would just lose it I would be so %HESITATION three and there was a situation that really highlighted my need for emotional management where I and I sure the story to really truly highlight like the level of anger that lived in my life at the time I was on my way to a craft store and there was a parking spot available and I was patiently waiting like the person was backing out so I was patiently waiting I had my indicator on and it was just like the movies where the person pulls out and then someone else before they can even drive forward pulls into the spot and I was like this this just happen in real life like I've been waiting for like two minutes I've been indicating I've been waiting patiently the person's pulled out that's my spot and the entitlements the anger the aggression came through and I lost it I was screaming at the top of my lungs flipping them off honking my horn like crazy and I it like and they just stayed in the car rightfully so because there's this crazy angry person screaming at them and I there was the parking spot when around this corner and like so there is the way there is the pathway up the parking spot and then the main road kind of went around the corner of this parking spot and so I had to go around this main road so I'm honking at them and flipping them off for a good couple of more than a couple feet because I have to go around behind them around to the side of them and around in front of them to go back into the parking lot and it was it was a front row spot by the way it's I wasn't getting angry for something in the back right yeah who who who would do that also I I pulled around a parked in my spot clear clear down at the end and I'm walking forward and they pull out of the spot they didn't even get out of their car they didn't even go into the store and they pull out of the spot and they drive past me and they're a roll down the window and they say hope you're happy now and I was like like I had never in my life wished for I'm here in the states we have US seven elevens and they have what's called big gulps would you like I think they're thirty two ounce things of soda I don't drink soda I've never purchased one I have never in my life one one so bad to throw through that and so I was very very angry person about something that's really so minor and I go I go into the store and I everything just starts like swirling and I'm shaking because there are several things that happened right there is that initial anger that the trigger and then I felt scared because what if they had gotten another car well what I have done right what if what if when they're driving past me now I'm walking on on the parking lot they're driving past me where they just hit me with their great big SUV right so there's just there's this anger and then there's this fear that takes over me and then there's this this shame and guilt that hits me because it's like oh my gosh I'm not person I feel so out of control and I feel so guilty that I I just kinda lost it on the complete stranger that really probably didn't even see that I was waiting right yeah and and then there's the shame of I let my emotions gain control of like I I lost control of myself and just let my emotions run wild and it could have turned into a very dangerous situation and then I was like then sadness creep in because I don't even know who I am at that point man I can't you can't even recognize myself and so when I say I was an angry person it is no exaggeration and truthfully it's it's a %HESITATION in a space of I just was out of control I had no emotional management no no emotional awareness and something as much of a minor inconvenience of walking a couple extra feet from a parking stall several stalls down set me off and so at that point in amongst many others I decided that I need to start making a change so I started with just being aware of my emotions I started trying to really see where that anger in my life was coming from and for awhile there it was this Peter tauter if you well of anger and sheer and they would go back and forth because it would be I'd be so angry because that was my defense mechanism it wasn't it wasn't flight or freeze it was always fight and so when I was scared and I was scared of being vulnerable I was scared of being happy I was scared of being seen and so I would get into fight mode which would be anger so is this teeter totter of me always being angry always trying to fight the fear when in reality I just need to become aware of my of my possibilities and I need to realize that I wasn't broken because I looked around and I saw so many people who seem so happy and didn't have these this anger that I had or this fear or this anxiety that kind of was creeping in they didn't have these things that I could see and so then you know we grow up and were like oh you know everybody just everyone so happy and why am I not happy I'm broken so I started to feel like I was broken and there is something wrong with me and it wasn't until I started to really putting in the work and understanding that I'm not broken but we're also not just inherently happy and I think that's a big thing right we feel like we should be inherently happy and when when we're not we feel like we're broken and when we feel like we're broken we feel like we're lost and we feel like we're lost we fall into depressions we fall into despair we let our emotions control last so I started putting in the work and started realizing that I actually was capable of moving forward it capable of not being anger angry capable of not not being afraid of vulnerability and when that started to happen I started to gain confidence and realize that I was capable of having happiness abounds in my life and then that has become my mission and the name of my my business and my podcast is to remind people that they are capable of happiness abound self into state thank you so much for sharing that and you probably know is that through the %HESITATION was always resonates so much with your story to tell you that because one of the things I really dislike about myself is my inability to control my anger and I can be the most relaxed laid back person ever and I'm kind of sherry mobile nobody's now in this in this episode which was never the intention but I'd almost news and the thing you said about the broken bat I can resonate so much with that because and I look back at myself or look at the person in the mirror and I think that's not the best knower to be that's not the past now wake up every day and I try to be and I try to live my life the right way but in the state of frustration and aggression and I mean you mentioned a simple example they have a simple cost base I get those moments and I think you hit the nail on the head when you said entitlement not something to gain on you too obviously working myself with because I'm sure people listen to this will resonate as well my city the whole when you lose control and you sit back and then you have that feeling of shame as you mentioned it's not a great place to be in so thank you for asking for sharing that because the premise of the show was to tell people that whatever they going through in their life whatever Adventist useful because it is not alone and if I may ask have you got any quick on on no we could obviously speak about this for I was but just quick tips that you can recommend to somebody like myself or somebody else listed when you get into that state of frustration so for example after this episode if you go to seven eleven in your back pocket and somebody could see what what's your first reactions %HESITATION you'll method so there's a model called the clear model okay and it it stands for circumstance language emotion action and results I'll say that one more time please the it's the clear model and it stands for C. circumstance L. language E. emotion a action our results okay and an understanding of this model will change everything so essentially every circumstance in your life is neutral it's just a circumstance it's your language that you use speaking to yourself so your thoughts and your language that change it from a positive to a negative either way right and when we saw use the parking the parking style so the person stealing the spot neutral my idiot jump to my thoughts of and this is it specifically yeah I have been waiting I've been indicating that is my spot who is that are you take my spot and think that you can do this like those are all that that's the language I'm using and that's a language of entitlement that's a language of victim right and so that's that's sparks emotions because I feel like I'm the victim so I feel like I'm getting attacked I feel like something's not going my way therefore I'm getting afraid so that that sparked the language or the emotion of fear and the emotion of fear sparks for me because it's my template that I work through every day my next emotion of anger which then as I said it sparks the emotions of shame and guilt and sadness as well nobody likes to feel those so that continues to spark the emotion of anger to hide those so your circumstances neutral your language that you're using around the circumstance in your thoughts is what sparks the emotions the emotions spark action so I was angry so my action was is that I decided to drive my car around them and flip them off honk my horn be screaming at the top of my lungs and taking action that could trigger them and I think it kind of did because then when they came out they drove past me decide to go with me on a little bit more and then then the result of that was everything as I stood in this craft store everything kind of spinning around me as I felt this wave of emotions this guilt the shame and the real result was that this was a turning point that I need to change my life so understanding that the language we like if we go back up we crawl back up that tear the circumstances neutral is the language we have around it that shift everything else so if I go into a seven eleven this afternoon which is really funny it's it's a holiday here were recording on the fourth of July which is here an independence day and so it's totally American thing to go get a Slurpee %HESITATION but if I was to go do that and someone pulled into my spot ma'am my first thought might be seriously and then I go back through I go through the model and so I'm like can you change my thoughts and like you know what maybe they're in a rush maybe they're on their way to go do something %HESITATION and they need to to fill up on gas they need to go run in and pay for it first and I'm not in a hurry it's okay no big deal and that changes that changes everything because the next thing you know your emotions are okay cool well I'm not gonna let it ruin my day and there's a spot over there I'll just drive a little further and I could use the extra exercise and walking and that's great and so then the the actions of that is I walk a little extra maybe I smile at them when I as a walking past them as they walk out and my result is that my day is not ruined by somebody else's actions because like if I eat all the way back up the ladder controlled my thought absolutely honest Britain us this really well explained as well so it's quite easy to remember nine out and I was going to follow in that process and I can do a hundred percent see where I get lost in it as well I also can relate to your anger and fear I think and I think I'm very similar to you so even with the whole store in this podcast the anxiety when I'm in a situation where I'm struggling wrong vulnerable I don't have a freeze response or maybe I do but I never choose to use always have the flight response as well so just having not yeah pro says that you just expand on I'm definitely gonna use not myself and hopefully not feeling %HESITATION ashamed of myself when I lose my temper so thank you so much for sharing that and how long has this proces taking you to regain control of it because I I think I heard you say earlier that you do this every day is that right %HESITATION yes so I worked in the clear model every day I talk about happiness in my life every week day on my podcast so it's a daily ends but this process overall has taken me about five years to be able to get to a point where I'm like there it is like I got I got rear ended the other day and that's another situation where like I'm not expecting this to happen if I'm not emotionally managed in that moment things go south and I'd like to recommend I use a technique called decked declarations okay and I actually teach a course on it's available online on my site but I use declarations every single day to help me control the language that I'm using in my brain to then work that model so well it's taken me five years to fully grasp and understand and be able to change my patterns and my templates from instant anger and victim in entitlement thoughts to happy calm and dare I say grace right offering grace for other people as well as for myself right because that's part of that same thing that's part of that that feeling that guilt is you're like wow like I'm such a terrible person when you can try to give yourself grace through the language that you use understanding that now this is an opportunity for me to learn and to grow and I'm grateful for that and that can lead to grace for yourself which then also leads to grace for other people which also leads to being less angry at at situations that don't necessarily warrant it so I use declarations I'd be happy to share with you mine that you specifically when I got rear ended the other day yeah if you wouldn't mind please sure so my declaration is I am an intuitive mentor vibrant abundant and filled with light and when I can say that when I can change my language to who I want to be it can the gate to the anger of who I used to be who I once was so when in the situation of getting rid ended I got rear ended pulled over and I was like oh my gosh like usually my first my first phrase is really yeah I'm like is this really happening right now and the like nope that's that's not who I want to be yeah I am an intuitive mentor vibrant abundant filled with light I get out of the car and like Hey are you okay and the woman was was not she was okay but she was a little terse with me and seemed irritated that she rear ended me and my car was okay her car was okay like I'm okay she's okay and I'm like you know like that's fine like we we can just go our own ways and like she laughed and I that's a moment where in the past I would been mad that I got rear ended I would be really bad that it seemed like she had no remorse whatsoever but instead I'm like no I will I am an intuitive mentor vibrant abundance and full of light if I'm if that's who I want to be especially in that instance there the full of light that doesn't mean I have very much space for anger and I can use that to transform my language to transfer my emotions to transfer my actions and to give me different results that's incredible he should be very very proud of your transformation and even just in this very short segment nine is giving me massive food for thought and hopefully people listed of just how we should try and at least work on ourselves to give ourselves grace I think that was a really important thing that you touched on so %HESITATION fantastic so you're probably are suppose just actually going back to the instance the womb was probably expecting a reaction from you and I suppose I think you have that as well when it's almost a shock factor when you're expecting someone dropped a set way and then they they handle it in a supposing you Taylor's way we just Grayson just happy to see you almost think it is personal right yeah absolutely because it's here's the thing it's so against the norm like I'm I'm just gonna say this right now like emotional management is nothing that we are taught and it's so against the norm that when we do see someone who is in a space of managing their emotions and in a space of positivity because of that then it wears us out like this is this is a call it out right it weird you out but then you also are like there's something there's something different about them and here's the thing we're all unique but sends a motional management is so outside the norm when you can be a person who is in control of their emotions and this is not saying I am positive and happy one thousand percent the time yeah I'm I'm a human negative emotions happen but I know how to manage and work through them so they don't control my life but when someone has that people are drawn to that opportunities come up that you would never have before jobs relationships this to speak on podcast like you and I found each other on social media we don't know each other personally here we are having a great conversation that is I was an angry bitter person you probably wouldn't have even %HESITATION file right told listens to some of your videos and I purchase in the decorations previously on one of your posts as well I'm not that fascinates me when this people who I can learn from and I think if I could learn something from them hi I hope my audience kind as well so I hundred percent agree but it's not the norm is a I mean I feel like we're in a society of just robots and you get the odd person like yourself you just fans are a little bit from everybody else and and to me especially I find that fascinating and %HESITATION I'm hoping now obviously myself through my Jenny I can try and express ways to help other people but I hope people that listen to you and for you after this episode as well can take on some of the lessons that you shed which %HESITATION which which are really really useful so thank you so much for sharing that thank you I'm just on that then so you've actually got quite an orthodox lie so I remember going to school and you either going to be a doctor an accountant or school some kind of profession I suppose you come out of %HESITATION college or university from you are not here as an entrepreneur you've got your own business you briefly mentioned that you've got courses on your website as well so what's a day like for you so I do have a sideline job as well so my day looks like this so I am currently participating in what's called the seventy five hard challenge so I'm participating in that so I wake up in the morning I do my vision board work and my declarations I a then feed my dogs I make breakfast for myself and then I read for the active ten pages of reading it day taking notes highlighting etcetera then I go back to my office and I journal and meditate put on my shoes take my dogs for a forty five minute walk outside come back get ready well I take about if I take about a fifteen minute nap and then I get rid I get ready and then I come to my podcast ideo which is actually my mess of a closet but it's great for sound dampening ands I record my podcasts record video at the same time then I upload that and then I drive to work at my day job where I am a marketing director I lied three teams and do that throughout the day then I come home and depending on the day that can be a breakdown of working on my business I also do one on one mentoring so working with clients of one on one depending on the day that they scheduled and then time with my my husband my spouse and then it's usually too bad so that's that's the day looks like it's feels pretty full when I've listed all out like that I really really enjoy it and I'll I honestly I love my life which is something that I couldn't have said five years ago mmhm I'm glad that you do and if if I may then so the last five years of observing good T. come we touch on a time limit vesti for yourself and maybe the lessons that you gain from that absolutely so about four years ago so I was still really angry it was not a great time I we had a family emergency both fall my husband and I mmhm and it resulted in my husband having to to travel and I essentially living alone for about a year and a half and in that still was able to communicate with my husband everything's great but in that was really my first time ever being really truly alone and I woods and maybe this this may or may not resonate for for your listeners depending on where their apps but this was what my it's really interesting so we just went through my daily routine is now let me tell you what my daily routine is was then so I would get up late I would kind of get ready I would go to I would go to work I would be miserable at work I would come home I would grab some food sit down on the couch turn on TV scroll through social media at the same time while I was eating and I would do that for about six hours the are you still watching or you know the continuous play auto play and I would say I would be eating that entire time I'd be scrolling on Facebook or Instagram Pinterest name the social media site I'd be doing that and I would stay up later than I probably should of and so then I would go to bed late and the cycle would continue and I did that for about nine months I gains twenty pounds I was a mess and I there's this there's these deals that they do it occurred the grocery stores here where they have the the Betty Crocker and it's very specific Betty Crocker Betty Crocker whipped vanilla buttercream frosting and again %HESITATION %HESITATION and they do they do ten for ten and so I would go to the store and I would get the ten for ten deal and not that I recommend this but it's very delicious when you put them in the freezer it's like ice cream that's amazing anyways I would I would do the ten for ten I put them in my freezer and every ten days I need to go re stock like I was eating a can of frosting a day like the sugar and the over eating and he social media scrolling and %HESITATION watching TV I was offering so hard for my emotions of loneliness and isolation and anxiety and fear of like what was going to happen and and all these things in my first time ever really truly truly being alone and that was a really really hard time and about nine months nine months into that year and a half something something switched and it's really funny because I couldn't identify it before and then I was being interviewed another podcast and this story came up in a different capacity and I realize what the trigger had been for me is that I I have a dog and I make I make jokes that this dog in particular I have two soulmates one as my husband and one is this dog like I I love this I love him so much and he was there with me and I took him to the backs for his annual and that was like %HESITATION she is really overweight it turns out that well I was gaining twenty pounds she right yeah she gains twenty pounds and so it was like okay we got like I love this dog more than more than myself at this point and I we need to get some stuff together so we started doing agility and I was like I this was in October and around November I was like TV is a problem for me I am majorly addicted so I'm gonna do I correct crafted my own challenge of no Netflix November a lot that I highly recommend it it's really hard in November because that's when all the good shows go out but I did know Netflix November and it changed everything because I realize I was book ending my routines with I would come home turn on the TV eat for hours do social media for hours watch TV for hours and that was the trigger that kept me in the cycle when I stop watching TV holy smokes the free time I had and I realize I wasn't hungry for dinner I wasn't hungry for frosting I wasn't hungry well I was trying to buy for my emotions and I found I didn't scroll on social media as much either I started going out and doing things I started reading more I started doing all these things that TV took that time and was essentially keeping me down and just because I was relying on it to help me by for my emotions instead of being aware of them and sitting in them so well I had done the work for anger I had figured out the work for loneliness and for fear and for sadness and for missing my old life and prior to this incident and so after that nine months in that jump start of being like I need to I need to get it in gear not only for me but for this dog that I absolutely love things started to change and that's when that's when my life as you said the it was really like the four years but I wrap it up in a five year time for because the anger thing did happen before but when you say the five years have been have obviously been good to me no stuff that happens but I just decided not to let it control me yeah yeah this powerful I would say the thing that I've learned the most out of that experience is that well really it's the clear model right every situation is your role as the thoughts that we have that lead to the emotions that lead to the actions that give us the results absolutely I think I am at Mylan I'm not sure if you're aware of him is awfully says life doesn't happen to you happens for you and that's kind of like a summary of basically what you expend a yours is a lot more concise and something a bit more practical that we can all use but just in relation to the story I mean it's fantastic because I just wanna thank you for sharing that vulnerability there about about your life and how you the truth of what was actually like and even now you're still saying not everyday is perfect because it's difficult when people after the show will come and kick on your profile and though he you speaking on your Instagram live videos and looking at your post it's difficult to think is this the same person because the transformation just trying to picture what you would like to just sit in there on Netflix to wait person that you are not an Aston credible and that's kind of what they should show a gain it is about so %HESITATION you're in such a great place that it's gonna be difficult for people to connect the dots of the it's not really the same Taylor that was on the episodes it is exciting for me because I'm I literally thought there are some people out there who are consistently happy all the time but then I will I'm starting to think what's this story because I do believe that everyone has a story and there's always something that's happened in their life in order to kind of change that perception I suppose and I guess yours was just your dog at the start having something that you cared for more than yourself to kind of bring you out of that rut %HESITATION and hopefully now it's more about yourself and helping other people and you won't need to focus externally and more so just try to focus on yourself one hundred percent I attended a conference last week and they had everybody right like their their top three the top three things that they they spend their time on and that they that they love and they're like okay how many people said family now raise their hand how many people said said spouse raise their hand and they were like now how many of you said yourself yeah and there were three of us in the room out of the room of a hundred and this is a room of a hundred people who are self help absolutely a very technical term their self help me but what use that one yeah there was there was three of us and it was number one on my list like it was the first thing I wrote down of what do I care about who do I care about what do I love what is a priority in my life and I would really challenge us like if yes my dog was it a key indicator that on the loneliness part and the over eating in the emotional buffering but still it came down to myself on the anger in the originals thing and I think we've been styled societally coached if you will that looking out looking out for your self is selfish but the thing is is that your life like you are your own best friend you are in your head all the time your body is with you one hundred percent of the time so if you are not looking out for yourself and I mean that in the most positive way absolutely right if you're not aware of your emotions if you're not looking at your routines and going okay I go to work I come home I watch TV I eat I scroll I go to bed that is my life every single day do I want more you have to like do I want more and then taking the steps to do that and being okay with that back nagging feeling that this might be selfish and at that point you use your declarations who do I want to be well I want to be an intuitive mentor whose vibrant abundant and full of light I have to become that person nobody else is gonna become that person for me so I need to focus on myself and have that that quote unquote selfishness it is so powerful enough in the way that you just said it would there was it was so beautiful and white with you now I think we should go out to challenge ourselves to kind of love ourselves faced %HESITATION and and it's it's weird because a bit of a personal story about going to drive it too much but my mom suffered with them quite depression she still does for about eight years and as he was saying that she was a fence posts that come into my head because her whole life is predicated on serving the people it always has been and it probably always will be less of a second almost challenger to kind of voice office and as much as me or my siblings or family and friends kind of tell eight you need to start looking after yourself and start to fill up your cook fast it just never seems to be her priority and it's always let me do this for someone so let's let me do this for this person I don't know it just it just resonated so much with me the odd I genuinely believe that she prioritize their life as she had even more to give because she's a very selfish person anyway nothing especially if we're giving people we have a call I nature we feel that we should always give I kind of feel of the people's Cup so fast but you just hit the nail on the head there one of the key things of your need to try and do as we go through this journey of life and trying to figure out what we actually have four is is to work on ourselves phase so this really hit me I like I said Tyler this is this is an incredible episode for me on a selfish level because I feel like I'm getting mastermind coaching from an expat half to may be happy so thank you so much a gate it's you were entering lawful and actually I wanna and I don't mean this in a in a bragging sense but I do want to ask you because you said this so am I providing value to you in this discussion one hundred percent if I had not focused on myself no I would not be sitting here talking to you being able to provide that value to you now city absolutely so really I love that you brought that up about about your mother or it really can be about anybody it's way easier to focus on everyone else then the focus on ourselves but you are spot on we cannot give to others and last we are comfortable and loving and supporting ourselves first spread I'll only get on then to another question I always like to ask people what show current biggest fear not stagnation K. I and it's not a matter of always be moving right there's there's another type of emotional buffering which is busy and it's not like that it's it's stagnation in the sense of I believe we're we're gonna go deep here for second I I believe my personal purpose is to learn and to grow I believe that's my internal purpose my external purpose is to be able to share with other people and reminded them that they are capable of happiness about so I have two purposes one is my internal and that directly correlates to my external but I my internal is I believe I am here on this earth to learn and grow as much as I can so my biggest fear is stagnation because if I am stagnant and I'm not learning and growing I'm not living my purpose absolutely so bring it on send this one a gain the I resonate with but looking at this five years ago I mean you would've been in a completely different state even myself I mean I feel like I do a lot of self development I do a lot of waking up myself I tried but this is been something unique to myself because maybe it's because of the I'm getting that we touched on at the beginning and not gain a hope as people listen to this you probably got the same kind of situation is me because on the outside a might always seem like I have my composure about me but there's a lot of things that I do need to work on my %HESITATION myself is also yeah that's that's the grants and I'm I'm sure that this happened is about and movement that you're craving %HESITATION will continue to expand I'm just on the actually then if you if you wouldn't mind so we muzzle but in not just before we go to the fun part of the show if people want to do the work with you all to learn more about yourself and more about this happened is a binding how would they be able to connect with you sure so I have a website happiness abounds dot com and I should be very clear it's happiness abound singular not abounds %HESITATION so happiness abound dot com and that has links to all of my social but you can find me on Facebook at happiness abound blog and Instagram at happiness underscore abound I also I'm on YouTube IG TV so and then the podcast is on most major listening podcast platforms so if you to search happiness abound I usually come up and video or audio options and then on my site you can also check out my courses that are available online and yes I do do one on one mentoring and would love to work with someone who maybe is struggling with anger and wants to be happier absolutely absolutely I mean he doesn't want to be happy SO and we are not on that no actually gonna go into the phone part of the show so this is something that you have no idea what's going to happen I'm ready okay fantastic we're gonna start in three two one okay what did you eat for breakfast a shake your biggest gift my biggest gift for myself as my drive if you could eliminate one thing from your daily routine what would it be less naps I love nap the ability to fly %HESITATION be invisible fly would you rather have a re one button or many of fame money because you can make more of an impact with money and that could lead to fame absolutely your proudest moment cool we come back to that one yes show your favorite food oranges not fix the chief the colonel the answer the answer is neither okay they're they're both rabbit holes of addiction for me so I try to stay away okay your number one goal this year my number one goal this year is to have a month where I have ten thousand downloads of my podcast your favorite TV show ever I really like mash would you rather know how you would die when you were dying when your favorite hobby talking about happiness love among the love book so me these thanks if you could sit with one person in the world for an hour who would it be Oprah you wish there as a child being stolen your favorite place in the world redwood forests in California equal languages we'll be able to speak to animals speak to animals if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be self hate it's the root cause of everything and finally we're gonna go back to the question that you passed on your proudest moment that one okay my proudest moment I have I have lots this is not a choice of like %HESITATION what should I choose like or I don't have any it's like there's so many I because I do try to recognize these moments of my life I think my proudest moment to date is that I I had that I wanted to become a I a life coach in the back of my mind for really really really long time and part of that was I wanted to take a course reiki to become certified and they're expensive and so one of the proudest moments is kind of a a two for one I was attending a conference that I highly respect and I was like man I would love to do their coaching program and get certified and I just passed the paper along because I'd affordability and we had just paid off a huge amount of down our credit cards and my husband was with me and he's never at conferences with me like this was his first one and we go to lunch and he's like so how can you turn that how can you just pass the papers down as like all we can afford I can't afford we have a separate budget like personally that we have a family budget I like I can't afford it and he's like we can and we can do it in cash as we head off all of our debt and I was like what we can and he's like yes and we should then you should you need to I know this is something you really wanted and so we like rushed back from lunch I signed up so that was a really proud moment but then then the work comes in and and it was very intensive and I think my proudest moment as when I finished because it was a very it was it was a large group of people I think it was like seventy five in the main group and then we had the segmented off into smaller groups to do it was daily phone calls daily homework we had to create this entire binder thing I had to mentor ten individuals a minimum of three times and put them through a mentoring program to become certified in this three month period he was very intensive and of my small group where there were six of us talking every day only two of us actually finished and so I am really proud to you should be a certified transformational happiness mentor and so my proudest my proudest moment her proudest memory today is is getting that certification and having that dream had been in the back of my mind for years finally country western testing you should be proud and when you say that dream was in the back of your mind for ages how long are we talking I mean how's saving others so being able to influence people in a positive way it's been at the back of your mind situate child or was it something that we see as you were going through your own transformation you thought I would love for other people to feel this way actually it was neither I when I was a child I had a myriad of like I will be doing a lot of different things and it's really funny because today I do a lot of different things but I it wasn't after my journey either it was actually before okay and I was listening to a Tony Robbins CD and I don't remember what he asked I just remember I was by myself it was late at night I was listening to it and I think he has something like what do you want to do and I was like I wanna be it a coach I want to help people and I start falling and because it just felt so right and like I can actually do that which when we have dreams and things like I want to do that and at the time I was not emotionally managed I was a mess and it felt so far away but it felt so right that I just was overcome by like tears of joy and so a lot of those trials and things have helped me become who I am today so that I can help people put it in the back of my mind and I had I had started like a blog and stop and start and stop and start and stop because I felt like it had to be this perfect story yeah elle of of beginning middle and end and now I'm happy and that just contributed even more to my thought that I had to be inherently happy because I would listen to other podcasts and people would have a beginning middle and end and now they're happy and I'd like I can't even see an end in sight like I must be broke and I must be wrong something's not right with me and so any time I started to try and move in that direction of this goal I would stop myself because I wasn't perfect and the perfectionism really hit hard and so through the emotional management and all those things and then the grace that tends to come with that that really helped with my perfectionism and I actually started my podcast before I became certified and I feel like that had a lot to do with it because when I started my podcast I was like I was going to one a month and start slow and then the pressure that every hit recovering perfectionist here every hit had to be a home run there's only one a month yeah right and I'd be worn out and burned out on it because of all the emotional stress of it had to be perfect and I discovered that the thing that would work for me is if I could talk about it every day because then I could share my journey in real time and and show that I'm a real person struggling with this and you might be struggling with the two and here's what I'm going to try or here's what I was struggling with yesterday and here's what I what I tried and it works for me maybe it can work for you and getting over that perfectionist mentality in the podcast I really believe set me up to be able to become certified and help other people see that as well and I had to go through that journey before I could ever have just felt like yeah I can be a coach right so yeah it was in the back of my mind before all the work happens but I would not when you asked like rewind or pause I would not change anything in my life up today I would love to pause and be more in the moment and enjoy where I'm at now yeah yeah all this again so many things I can probably relate to on that so I used to with perfection is a bunch of ana until recently when I realized that she was perfection %HESITATION being a perfectionist that was the cause of all my procrastination I mean don't get anything done so %HESITATION even the one thing that I really enjoyed as a child was me because the system would sit there with an old cassette player which had a microphone attached to the side of it and we would record radio shows pretty much all day after school and I just enjoy speaking on a radio show and then somewhere from my teens to all the way through my twenties and saw you kind of can see my life and I really struggle in terms of getting out there and I became a real introvert and it's only in totally true this yet as we mentioned before we start this part as well so you know this part custom thing I'm just gonna try it and what what's the worst that could happen this doctor pepper it basically and %HESITATION I I've enjoyed it so much as it's been a JD I'm so people can listen to my first episode and realize that I am a lot more Davis then published today I mean I'm still nervous today but I think that vulnerability one that you're showing on your daily podcasts and why I hope people can see from my part because he's a whenever gonna be perfect and the whole process that's with a view you lie so I enjoy connecting with people I would never normally see walking down the road like yourself I mean this is a conversational enjoyed it so much is and I would never have had this opportunity if I hadn't of just bit the bullet and just come for it so I definitely age people whenever is in life that they want to do is just to kind of just try it because if you're anything like me I love a try and if I could see someone trying always I was trying to reform is I don't think that will retreat for you as well yeah that's just my little of inspiration off it to this podcast I completely agree I think I think that two things progress over perfection and then there is power and beauty in slow progress because part of the reason that we give up or like once we do start then we stop is because we feel like it's not happening fast enough but the power in the beauty that can come to you through that slower progress is everything I should just ask you to say because I'm their billing on and you said it so eloquently sub now %HESITATION yours was you were fantastic I was very I was very inspired also why I was being a little like I totally agree thank you okay but is so we're actually almost at the end of the show and I suddenly I and the just a few things I want to ask you before we close the show tell if that's okay and the next question is about reflection and always feel it's important that we speak about this because this is where the lessons I learned so I'm I'm a family even a hindsight teaches us a lot of things you can do just ways that we can get to places quicker easier with less heartache so what I want to know is knowing everything that you know if you could go back to a younger Taylor and whisper something into it yeah maybe do in a circumstance where she's may be feeling vulnerable %HESITATION just unsure of what she's going in life what would you say I would say you are capable of happiness abound because I I felt like I wasn't I felt like I was broken like I was wrong and I felt like I wasn't capable of happiness in my life and now I know that I am definitely a yeah and can I just ask the feeling that you said that you felt like you were broken was that your own feelings or was that an external influence as well %HESITATION hybrids okay right you you see other people that look like they have it all together and when you don't you feel like there's something wrong with you you see and constantly here like you should be happy or that happiness is the ultimate goal so when you're not and you're not viewing your life that you're human you're gonna have negative emotions in you just do it that your broken instead you don't feel like you're you don't feel like you're capable and I think that's a big a big thing and I teach this to the people I I mentor and I call a my clients because until you can feel like you are like you have to do some of the work to feel like you're capable and when you feel like you're capable you gain confidence and when you gain confidence you feel qualified and when you feel qualified you can conquer the world city I left a message thank you and that she's going to bring this to the last question nine which is something I gain I ask all of my guests which is if in a hundred and fifty years science has to save us someone no longer here and all that exists is a book and this book is about you Taylor and it's got all the way in a wonderful things that you've done in life and basically your whole story what would the bled the summary at the back of it how the pace and looking to pick that up and what with the title of the book she discovered she was capable of happiness abounds and reminded others they were capable of it too is the blurb and the title would probably be happiness about nice is simple I love it this powerful thank you so much for sharing that and we have already done the the social media plugs for yourself but I would definitely as people to father tied up on his social media platform a gain all I will definitely be doing that a bit more myself we just realized actually before this podcast that you have a podcast Televisa anywhere else that people can contact you or is Instagram probably the best place and your website I yeah Instagram in my website are probably the best website is the easiest because it has links to everywhere else so you can find me on multiple spaces ends yeah be sure to reach out I would love to hear from you thank you Taylor and for everyone else at home thanks for listening thank you that was really fun and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"Think Carefully" by Pete Sanga #28

Tagline: "How cancer and thoughts can change your world for the better"

It is almost like we wait for something bad to happen to wake us up. For us to really take life serious and realise each day we lose, we will never gain again. Each second we spend not being grateful, happy or fulfilled is a second wasted. Yet when something bad happens, we can sometimes have a realisation that life is important, precious and beautiful.

Pete Sanga shares his story of how cancer and controlling his thoughts has massively changed his life and future. He speaks of tangible tips we can all use and incorporate to live a life of happiness, gratitude and fulfilment without having to go through cancer like he did.

A truly remarkable individual who gave off a beautiful energy and had an infectious aura about him. Someone much wiser than me with experience I was grateful to have received.

Some key discussion points:

1. Cancer being a gift
2. The importance of your thoughts.
3. How to change your thoughts.
4. Practical positive daily routines.
5. Understanding that we control more of our life than we think.
6. Age is nothing but a number.

I urge you to listen to this all the way through and implement some practical steps and tips that you can do for FREE in 10 minutes or less a day to really help you move forward in your life. These tips and tricks aren't just for cancer survivors, or people who have overcome adversity. They can and should be important practices we all take on in our life to truly make the most of this short amount of time we have on this earth.

Let's all start to find our voice today and write our own stories.

Let's leave our mark on this earth before it's too late.

Remember tomorrow never comes.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com

YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y

Links to Pete Sanga:

Amazon business Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Sanga-Aromatherapy-oils-2383077878401459/

Amazon businesss link: https://amzn.to/2xkLdXE

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pete.sanga

YouTube transcript

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren Deu a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren Deu what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of fine your voice my

name is Aaron and as always I am the

host of the show so sitting here

thinking before I released this podcast

why is it that we always need something

bad to happen in our lives for us to

appreciate the good things or even the

smaller things the more beautiful things

that we often take for granted and maybe

this is just a human trait but it's

something that I'm trying to get through

in this movement I find your voice is

that I want you guys to start living

right now and I want you to find

something that fulfills you I want you

to be happy I want to live in gratitude

you see I put these stories out here for

you guys to listen to not to make you

feel miserable or to feel sad or start

to cry I put these stories out there to

show you how lucky you are you see we

are all very blessed and we're all very

lucky if we choose to see it that way

you see living in a moment of gratitude

is fantastic but living a day a week a

month a year in fact your whole life in

gratitude that's just so much better and

what I want you guys to do is to start

to take on these tips that we've

mentioned in this episode coming forward

but then go back and listen to the

people on this show who have shared

their story so bravely and so openly and

honestly and think about how your life

is maybe better than their life in terms

of you haven't had to suffer with cancer

you haven't had to suffer with blindness

you haven't had to be homeless for

example and then really start to look in

your own life and start to live with

gratitude because that is the key you

see we're all chasing happiness

happiness is a number

one goal and it should be the number one

goal for all of us and through that we

chase fulfilment as well and if you can

get those two in line then you're gonna

have a fantastic life but what I don't

want you to do is to wait until

something bad happens I don't want you

to have to experience cancer like our

guest today shares his experience and it

was actually cancer that actually gave

him his life back in almost now you

could see it he's loving his life and he

openly admits it as well

in this episode that it was cancer that

really made him start to live again but

I don't want none of us listening to

this show to have to go through cancer

in order to start living because we can

do it right now we can all go out there

and find our voice and really try and

start to write our own story so

hopefully you guys enjoyed this episode

it was fantastic for me because it did

exceed my expectations and if you do get

a chance please do hit us up on social

media as well we are quite active and

don't forget if you get a chance as well

please do share it with somebody else as

well

to maybe inspire and motivate them to go

out there and find their voice so

without further ado let's get this

interview on the way I'd like to start

this show by welcoming Pete to the show

and I want to thank Pete for taking time

out of his day today to come and share

his story so Pete thank you for coming

on to the show you know I'll come take

you things like him and you're very

welcome and really appreciate it I think

it's going to be useful for their

audience to get to know a bit about

yourself

so if you wouldn't mind if you can kind

of give us like a summary take as long

as you need in relation to the life of

Pete for example tell us some of your

ups tell us some of your dance and then

basically what brings you here today

perfect no problem and hi audience

I'm glad you listen it is and well why

you sort of story is I'm not a

multi-millionaire or anything like that

far from it but I live a very

comfortable life and it hasn't always

been like that

I mean I'm 53 years old so you can

imagine when my upbringing from my

parents how that was in a very strict

upbringing we was always sort of

monitored by our pens back in game days

with the early days of very few Asian

community in the UK and they had to sort

of build their reputation so we resorted

very close community

we have been declawed close community

parents always took hold of what you had

to do days basically sort of had your

life for yourselves in mahjong days and

I was kind of rebellious with my dad

because always always one that wanted to

do my own thing the way I want to but

course you have to have respect for your

parents and sort of listen to them as

well

so I as I said Oh print being invade

it's a tight community Asian community

and as a site to sort of get older and

going to school into sort of sixteen

seventeen this is where I sort of

started to understand that you know I

don't want to follow the footsteps of my

parents and Adorno follow the footsteps

of my brothers and sisters and Gaurav

University or anything like that I

didn't want to be stuck behind a desk

when that's what my parents wanted to be

I was more inclined to sort of looking

to I used to see it market and I think

wow I want to do that I don't want to do

that and you know that's how my thoughts

were and so as I got to about 16 17 I

started kind of rebelled against what my

parents wanted and but again same thing

you know you have to have some element

of respect for your pen so I still

followed them and I'll put till the ages

sort of 21 ish when I got married and

and we then brought her family business

and and again we started working in the

family business but it's not something

that I wanted it wasn't for me so even

though I worked in there and putting the

hours as long with my with my brothers

and it's not something that I wanted to

do and what really changed my mind

or changed me was when I became ill when

it was about round about 25 and at that

time I had two children and one of them

here and well two boys and I had contact

and sort of that's where that's what

really changed my perspective about life

and because when you fall into I mean oh

no people about cancer and they've cured

and they've come every but the initial

shock of that was like wow you know I

mean I remember sitting on the stage

with my wife and I'm telling my wife and

I'm sitting there crying my eyes out

thinking and your whole life goes by

here and especially when things like

that I mean nowadays you know they so

many curious for so many diseases but

when you're looking when you're going

back 20 odd years there was there wasn't

as many curious so you know you have

this flashback of your life and you

think wow I'm not gonna be here what's

my kids gonna do and all these thoughts

start to run through your head and you

know and I remember sitting under stairs

and said crying I like that and what dad

came in and he looked at this and he

went there what's the matter what you

crying for and at all my dad okay my hog

and even though and he was sort of

strong I could see sense that he it was

one of them things like wow you know

this is happening to my son and saying

you ever went through a treatment and

chemotherapy and he was in and out of

hospital I lost a lot of weight and I

you know sort of kind of lost confidence

as well because I was what I would say

was a greatly confident person but I was

quite confident in myself and I've lost

all my confidence as well and my sister

she gave me a book which was there your

guardian angels and as a while I was in

hospital I started to read this guide in

angels thinking what's this about you

know guardian angels and you just

totally changed my life in the sense of

we've just read good just reading the

book I thought wow this is there such

thing as this guardian angel is there

such thing as a spiritual world and

that's why where my spirituality came

out and from there you should have sort

of started to progress and as I came

once I was out of hospital and had done

my chemotherapy and fetal healthy I knew

that I had to do my own thing my own way

and I wanted to be and how I can

progress it wasn't always easy because

you always you have this and how pretty

you have this education or you have this

your your upbringing embedded into you

you see so then they're deep into your

subconscious mind so they always

flop back out and you start to think

well should I should I or shouldn't I

but I know I wanted to move away from

the family and do my own thing and which

is sort of what I started to do gonna

just pause for a bit or we can jump in

there so there are a couple of things in

relation to that so you always knew from

a very young age you mentioned like from

1617 you were you're probably different

to your siblings yeah you want to do

something different and I kind of I

could resonate with that myself so I was

forced in inverted commas to kind of go

through the academic route because I was

very I could pick up things very quickly

yeah I didn't want to do any of that

it was never my interest I always want

to kind of go against the grain I want

to be a boxer I wanted to do you cry I

want to do all the stuff I said on

television but he has different stuff

and there was an element that I suppose

somewhere along the line I kind of

resented the decisions and I was having

to like make my parents happy rather

make myself happy fortunately for me I

didn't have to experience kind sir in

order to really be like okay now I need

to just do what's done for me and it

kind of seems like cancer was your kind

of wake-up call a mass of thing

do you know what I have to look after

myself yeah and put myself first and it

was it's quite emotional for me just

thinking about that moment when you're

sitting on the stairs and you and you're

telling your family is stuff I just

thought this is just giving you a book

about the guardian angel and stuff I

think that's come probably a good time

because I absolutely did you agree that

if that come it should give you that

book yeah we'll probably thought once it

changes your perception of do you know

change started to change the way I'll

think and I need all honesty when I

start to read the book and I started to

sort of understand each chapter one at a

time I thought wow you know this is

amazing can this really be possible

could you elaborate on something from

that or something that you maybe do now

yeah of course yeah and so what I've

learnt from that book was of course it

started to open other doors and other

avenues in Lord of Attraction as as

people know it I don't know there's a

lot of it back now whereas when we was

younger it was it wasn't it wasn't about

what he's still about but we wasn't

aware of him but he's a lot more about

of it often now so and then you know I

don't know thousands if not millions of

people's heard of the secret and so then

that

book came into my hands and it was it

just happened to be that I went onto a

course and which is an angel course and

his spiritual core so as I went there

and this is the lady that was conducting

it her name was Angela so and she told

us about this secret and the secret

website so I wrote it down

suza go home was sort of jumped on the

website got the thing he got the DVD

because there's gotta be something

indecent what's what's so good about

this or anyway are played it and then

what made my two boys what it sat there

watching me and I was totally sort of

enclosed in this secret because that

what they were saying is your thoughts

become your reality this was for me it

was like a turning point because I

thought wow if that was the case and wow

I can create anything the one was with

the kids they were still young there

wasn't sort of so much interested in it

and so that's where he progressed from

so now you know I have a special routine

in the morning and a follow every day

and it's all due to this I guess I can

call it positive thing times Olivia and

it's all due to these positive thinking

and you know when you start to think in

a certain way certain doors will start

to open for you

but you have to trust in your way of

thinking and you have to trust in

yourself even though all throughout life

and even in today's day and age and how

fast forward we have become even today

you still have their thoughts you still

have to battle with your own mind

believe it or not and with your negative

thought you know you're constantly

fighting against them and like I said to

you know before we started you know you

have a thought you sort of you sort of

have a negative thought if you like and

before you know it your negative

thoughts your your conscious mind

starting tell you something and before

you know you're not that's spiraled into

your hair before blonde conversations

with yourself you know you're sitting in

your car and you're home or whatever and

you're talking to yourself and you're

having this complex it's conversation

with yourself and you're sort of

fighting with yourself you know one

voice against another and I don't know

if that makes sense you know you sort of

fighting with yourself and you really

have to start to understand your thought

and that's one of the things

learn to do is understand my thoughts

and when I'm having a thought like that

I instantly think to myself okay this is

this is the right thought no it's not

and I'll stop put a stop to the Thornton

right away because you are in control of

your own thinking nobody else controls

it for you so you know what you are

thinking so if you start to realize that

you was thinking something that's hasn't

even happened you can stop that thought

right away when you stop it do you

replace it with something or replace it

yeah you have to replace it with

something positive say for example if

you're having an emotional thought let's

just say something bad happened you know

you you're on your way you've got a

parking ticket or you or something like

that you don that's a negative thing and

the first thing you do when you get a

parking tickets in your effing and

blinding station and and you know and

you know then that you know be from that

anger anything of blinding thinking that

you know it starts to escalate so if you

right away realize all and this is this

is not right it you know what's what

could be good about there having a

parking ticket and then think of

something that these positive factors

are negative so when you start to think

of something positive I'm an 18 it could

well be this you might have had a

parking ticket you might have grabbed a

parking ticket God to speak today

conductor or whatever I'm bumped into

somebody who you spontaneously you know

bumped into somebody who is we put your

right you know you and you might have

you know anything could have happened

with those gratitude in having a car

absolutely yeah yeah anything you know

anything but as long as you sort of

realize that you're having this negative

thought and without letting this spun

out of control with hundreds of other

thoughts stop it right away stop it and

change you to find a positive in that

negative like I said it could be that

you've got you could be grateful to you

you've got him you come to meet make a

meeting absolutely if that you know he

was worried about your parking ticket

then you might not have gone on to that

meeting and gain something

okay knowledge or whatever it is you

know so if there's always a positive in

a negative and that's what you have to

sort of learn to do it's not the easiest

thing in the world who is there but with

practice it becomes perfect that's

interesting because this is just

meanness or cancers effective

my family is taking members of my family

aways it's affecting my family some of

them now so a very negative connotation

towards cancer I sometimes put myself in

a position and think if I was to ever

get cancer or something but a particular

point I just can't help but think that I

will feel sorry for myself at some stage

have you ever felt that yeah you do as I

said that you know it's it's it's not

your normal yeah absolute normal you

know you can't control your thoughts to

a degree well you can you can't because

when something as severe as cancer or

other illness hit you you can't see any

way out so of course it's not so for

anybody to think you know how would I

feel

but as I said earlier on you know you we

are you are in control of your thoughts

as long as you don't put emotion into

something it can never happen it's only

emotion that creates your reality when

you paint a picture of what you want and

how you want your life to be your

conscious and your subconscious mind

doesn't know the difference between

right and wrong

it just doesn't know the difference it

only responds to what your want picture

you're painting it so when you're young

as I said you know your pet your parents

have painted how your picture is going

to be so your subconscious mind then

when your conscious mind then has to

build your life around your parents

picture or the picture that you've

created or they're created not just your

parent it's society its school

everything and anything after the sort

of ages 10 when you develop fully

develop your conscious mind after the

age of 10 anything after that is what

your picture has been built on based on

your school your parenting or and

society itself you know you have to sort

of try to understand your thoughts you

think there's a lot and as long as you

can control or though what you're

thinking you can always change it the

hardest part of changing something is

that you have to change all your soft

conscious if people understand what that

means if they don't then I went to

highly recommend

looking into that because it's a very

very powerful part of us it's a part of

our mind and can create reality for you

so if you don't understand what

subconscious is then I so strongly

suggest that you go out and listen to or

even you know we books on that if you

don't like reading like me listen to

audiobooks I love listening yeah

motivation you see and you can learn a

lot from it so that's what you really

have to do you have to sort of think

about what you're thinking about think

about what you're thinking about all the

time and then stop when you start it

when you start having it sort of a

negative thoughts stop that and then

think of a positive what could be the

positive thing what is it that you want

in life to change the picture that your

parents have built or society is built

for you changing that jigsaw your

conscious mind doesn't want to change a

jigsaw because you imagine you've made a

great massive jigsaw puzzle here and

you're trying to take the middle of that

jigsaw puzzle add and change it and how

hard would it be to change that jigsaw

puzzle so that's why your conscious mind

is constantly fighting with you to stop

you doing that any fight with you by

sending yeah but what if this happens

this is gonna happen this is gonna

happen and reality is just all you're

doing it fighting with you know else

isn't it yeah yeah so that's how you

sort of change you know reality that's

brilliant that's that's powerful

that's something actually that's for

anyone that is this and there's a book

called the chip paradox and he actually

explains it so it's quadratures paradox

of what he says is you have the chimp

which is your like your subconscious

through then you have a computer which

is kind of the logical side of you but

what he says is the chimp is more

powerful yeah and it's unless we control

this chimp whether it's through changing

our thought processes and the things

that we were taught to believe

absolutely absolutely then the chains

going to take over runs on it and that's

exactly what happens we do 95 90 95

percent of our society

and yeah yeah you like absolutely your

chip will always try to control what it

wants you to do but deep down if you

start to understand it anything is

possible but even having said that it's

not just his thoughts it's it's a

gratitude you have to put into thing

you know I mean I once all grateful for

I mean I can explain sort of you know

what my routine isn't when I get a bunch

of virtually the next thing so yeah yeah

the routine yeah so for myself what I do

when I get up in the morning my general

routine I mean on the early riser so

more put three o'clock in the morning

and one of the things I've learned and

I'll never ever do is put the snooze

button on now that I ever put snooze

button or people do that but that's not

a really a positive thing to do you know

you as soon as oh yeah my alarm goes off

I'm out of bed my feet hit the floor and

the first thing I do is I put my head

together and then I go thank you so much

for another day ahead of me and he's

feeling that gratitude of another day

whether that day is gonna be the same as

yesterday or not matters not it's

another day I listen to a lot of

affirmations in the morning as well so

when you get up in the morning what I

learned is that your subconscious mind

your conscious mind hasn't quite kicked

in so you're still in your subconscious

and state so when you start to feed your

subconscious state with positive

affirmations your day will flow

perfectly so first thing I'll do is of

government phone I'll put my headphones

on I'll get dressed and I start to play

affirmations positive affirmations or

even relaxing music just to calm I'm

like that and so while I'm going

testicle have a yeah you know I mean

I'll have a shower in the night in case

you think I think I've had a shower in

the night and so while I'm brushing my

teeth I'll still got this headset on so

I'll put 20 minutes or so I've got this

headset on listening to affirmations and

while I'm having breakfast on listen to

affirmations and I Drive to work

listening to an audiobook and um how

your mind works there's some great books

out there no doubt you've heard of many

of them I love listening to if you don't

mind the answer yeah actually you know

someone a box I mean I love listening to

Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hayden

I'm sure millions of poverty read a book

and the other book I think is fantastic

and people should really haven't

is the science of getting rich by what

is what'll again it's it's it's he

explained it's a science of game rich

and it's a great book to if you I mean

you can buy it but if you don't want to

buy it you can get on YouTube and in

listen to it so for forty minutes from

all the way to work on listening to D so

I'm always trying to feed my mind with

positive affirmations positive vibes all

the way to work and obviously once

you've done your work come back home on

my way back home I'm genuinely back on

for about seven in the morning so I'm

one ear out at the house for a few hours

and when I'm back home I take the dog

for a walk

another relaxing way to do that and then

I get when I'm when I'm home obviously a

boo gone to work by then and then I do

my meditation and we solved for the next

hour and so I sit there and I focus what

I want out of life and how I want my

life to be and so I do a meditation then

listen to some great meditation music

again you can get on YouTube if you

don't I use one called calm on iTunes it

is one that you have to pay for what

yeah it's absolutely fantastic I saw

many on there it's great but as I said

there's lots of free ones you know you

just have to find one that resonates

with you so once of a sort of listened

and once I've done my own meditation I

generally fall asleep for an hour song

two hours and so it's in a sort of fall

asleep for about a couple of hours and

then back up to ten o'clock I've started

to do exercises now when I hadn't before

even though when I was younger I spent a

lot of time exercising but when I got

here I sort of lost confidence in

xdesign so i starting to sort of carry

back into exercising nothing bank am but

i have so for ten o'clock consider do 20

minutes of sort of general exercise and

and and ice get on go about Monday I'll

start work about two o'clock again to

have two and once again I'll start I

only listen or try to listen to

audiobooks you know any kind of audio

Bob Proctor is another fantastic I mean

he's amazing you know I know he's on the

secret but he's so he's been doing this

for 50 years and he's somebody knows

what they're talking about

he is a man that knows what he's talking

about and so I listen to a lot and a lot

of his and audio books I listen to a lot

of time Roberts and again and does a

great motivator so I'm always listening

to these books and that awesome

whilst I'm at work I generally come home

around 1:00 to finished up getting home

for seven have a meal I try to relax by

watching not so much TV programs but

more very old-fashioned God programs if

you like and and the reason of watch

them is because it's it's it explains to

you that what we have now has always

been there but we just we just didn't

realize it so it's in resonates back to

you how you can move forward with what

we have well I've always had and the

generally don't got a bed and again once

again I've always got to sleep at night

and before I go to sleep I just be

thankful for my whole day you know I

think about all the the thing I've done

today even though my day routine is

generally the same and I might have met

somebody new there so I always sort of

gratitude to everything I have even my

meals or sit down and I'm you know you

when I say gratitude because he's

gratitude is part of development so if

you're not grateful for something then

how can you be grateful for what you

want to something so you really have to

be grateful for and I know there's lots

of people there's a wall I can't be

grateful until I get this box if that's

the way you're thinking as we spoke

earlier on you're only gonna get more of

what you're putting out so if you're

thinking I'm not grateful for something

your only your your subconscious mind

only sees that you're not grateful for

something and you know you're feeling

sad about something so he thinks ah okay

oh yeah it's not about this I'll give

you more of that so that's how your

content works and fall asleep again

listening to you

music until the next day I don't know

falling asleep so in the middle of the

night when this thing he's office still

got my head said oh we should take off

pretty so and then you know so that's my

daily routine every day yes it's almost

like the curse of cancer that came into

your life has always made your life

better totally think shame because it

that's it for me it took for me to get

ill to get where I am I mean you know I

had a business which and was almost gone

almost bankrupt me because I really

struggled but had it not been for what

I'd learned over the years I think that

I would have really got into it

depression but because of what I learned

over the years when I did have my

business and that didn't work as well as

I expected it to and it's just one of

them things and yes I worried a lot

about it and opera and Laura's worrying

in the family put up trying to keep it

away from them as well because I didn't

want them to feel under pressure to help

and there was absolutely fantastic you

know hats off to my family then they

stepped in and they sort of we worked

together and you know and it's another

thing that I think I should point out is

that when you have when you when you're

worried about something and even worried

about not telling your parents or

telling your family it's a wrong thing

to do because if your family is always

there to understand and support you and

just it's surprising how much taken just

just by taking or talking to somebody

how much of a burden you can take off

your shoulders and that's what I did you

see but just boy even though they didn't

sort of okay here we'll do this with

this but just talking to them took away

so much of my worries and but as I said

if it wasn't for what I've learned over

the previous year is about being

positive I wouldn't have come out of

that business feeling better for myself

and you know going on six or seven years

now more than that now here 10 years or

so moving forward 10 years you know I've

created another great business you know

I

I'm really happy within them and

progress it's always because you have to

prove you have to think of yourself and

your family and move forward with them

absolutely so a couple of good points

day is born obviously it's easier said

than done but we shouldn't have to wait

for a cancer or death or something you

know like these are simple things that

every single one of us on a daily basis

and so I ask this question can start to

do it's not gonna take us long to just

sit there for best part of two three

minutes and just think of all the things

we're grateful for every single morning

and it slowly become easier then

obviously throughout the day we'll

notice more and more things yeah and

then listening to positive stuff so

hopefully people listening to this can

just take on this now yeah rather than

have to wait for something bad in part

and then just live in this on what it's

almost like a bliss because you just

appreciate every single moment

absolutely right sometimes we will go

through life and six months torment

surpassed and you've never really lived

in the moment because you've won bin

anxious about the past and to you I saw

you anxious about the future until

you've been depressed about the past so

it's a dangerous place to be absolutely

it's almost like living in today you

also said talking to people so this is

something that I actually mentioned on a

previous podcast so I struggled with

anxiety struggled a lot with overwhelm

and similar to yourself I'm trying it

you look after my family I'm trying to

comfort my wife and my siblings and I

don't want to put the burden on them my

mom suffered in depression so she's

loved a best friend by the same time I

don't want to have any stress there as

well but then sometimes if it's too much

and I do speak to her yeah she doesn't

solve the problem but I felt so much

better which she feels better that I

could buy dinner yeah same with my

friends or my wife whoever I speak to it

talking is so powerful it's a massive

massive thing but as humans what I mean

connection speaking is it's part of us

and because the song takes a turn that

follows 24 so absolutely we will lose a

connection

absolutely I think you know that's again

like you said you know is you when you

talk into somebody somebody when you

hold it in yourself you're creating

nothing but bad feelings for yourself

but when you're let that energy out

you've it's almost as if you've left let

out and a massive ball of negative

energy you know that's how you got

acidity is a and you know and it's hard

sometimes understand you know certain 16

certain things in such a situation you

sometimes find it hard to

talk to somebody but the best way

forward and I've always found is that

you know if you can't talk to your

family then talk to somebody who's

confused you're close with you know just

take that off your chest and it makes

you feel so much better and your mind

will always fight you against it because

they want you to hold and I know it

sounds bad do you thinking to yourself

well why wouldn't my mind want to do

that for me and it's always one see it

always sort of and give you a picture of

oh yeah but if you if you told decent

I'm gonna do this ad singly and you know

you but you're creating something hasn't

even happened creating scenario you know

we're going back again you know creating

a picture of what you want if you want

if you want to if you finally difficult

to talk to somebody then imagine it in

your head and I know those who have read

and Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

of one of the things he used to do was

he used to have a board meeting and with

some of the richest people in the world

in his head not physically with in your

head and I mean he could if you can

imagine something like that so and it's

easy to imagine thing you know you could

you can imagine something like like just

like that if I said to you now think of

a pink elephant instantly you'll be

thinking of a pink elephant if you're

saying stick your face in the kitchen

you'll be thinking of that so you can

create emotion to that yeah absolutely

absolutely without emotion there's lots

of elements that you have to put

together for the law of attraction to

work emotion is one of them gratitude is

another one the positive thinking is

another one and individually you know

image in your head and what you want

your life to be is another one when you

start to combine these things together

that's when your life starts to change

of people using this Lord of Attraction

has changed in life totally change your

life around within 12 months just by I

mean it takes 30 days to create the

thing is with life itself which we've

created habits and hobbies can be

changed it takes time to change habits

but habits can be changed

I love that and the final point I just

want to add to that is you mentioned a

business that you've just started that

you're very happy with we have another

business because we've got the products

on there it's probably packed in one of

these boxes now because we're moving

house not okay

joining just share that briefly just

with the ordinance a lot when I first

heard about it I was like that's quite

an innovative is quite interesting okay

straight away can you just starting from

scratch sure yeah yeah and others here

do I do my full time I guess it's a job

but it's not job because he's still

self-employed and do my parcel business

but always wanted to be sort of an

online trader so what I started to do

was I looked at ways I can make money

online Amazon was a biggest platform so

I was learned how to sort of started

looking more into how Amazon works and

so I learned how to through their

learning program and he can learn Lee to

Amazon sort of learned how to sell

products on Amazon and that's what I'm

moving forward with and I've got a

product on there now which and which is

aromatherapy oils but he's one of them

things that sort of well it's a bit of a

risk to take but again if you want

something to happen you have to have a

positive outcome of it and so I started

to understand and learn a lot about

Amazon and how they were what what to do

and learnt the course

they've had to promote the product how

where to find a product had to get

product once I understood all that I'm

still learning from it's not something

that yeah fully understood I'm still

learning from them I started as I said I

imported my first product and it's been

great you know really has my wife uses

it I think that's actually okay yeah it

is a great product done yeah just on

that as well so soft and you hear people

thinking they can't do nothing we have

all these limiting beliefs and they see

what we can do in life and yeah you just

thought okay I wanted to start a

business and you probably wouldn't you

probably just figured it out along the

way yeah you are not selling a product

unless that's a lesson to anyone like if

this is something you want with the

right mindset and then obviously the

action nothing impossible without action

you know you it's no good having the

oldest mindset yeah positive thinking

when you take no action you you know you

have to take action if it's something

there's some

looking to do you know sell online it

doesn't have to be Amazon there's lots

of other platforms on there

I chose Amazon because I was on is deep

Biggie's platform to sell and I chose

Amazon because I found it you can I can

I don't have to store the product at all

I'll send it to their warehouse

everything they deal with a moment yeah

absolutely and their fulfillment center

that deal with the customers they deal

with the returns of course anything that

is returned luckily for me I finally had

one product returned in all the ones

that have sold and then they they

contact you so you have nothing you know

that this is the biggest fear with

people they think well how can I start

oh I'm Christie what about customer

series what about this but this with

Amazon they deal with all that with you

yeah of course they target fee which is

understandable but you have to find a

product then you can now incorporate all

that and you can make and still make a

profit out of it you know you you know

you could there's lots of people on

Amazon that making great massive massive

monthly incomes and it's it is possible

and you just have to trust in yourself

to do it and that's the hardest thing

trusting yourself

if it's something that you know it's for

the listeners if something that you're

passionate about then use that product

use that as a product absolutely I want

you to put that in there because I've

seen you use the product as well yeah so

it's not like a shameless plug or any

yeah yeah it's inspiring because if I

ask someone say for instance my dad or

my own course or something do that the

first thing that says all are configured

I don't know about the internet and we

have a lot of people in the audience we

just automatically have exclusive

straightaway absolute is always it's

just refreshing to hear somebody just

say you know what what it actually shows

that everything you're putting in

practice in your daily routines like the

affirmation is opposed to thinking yeah

you put it into practice any practice or

you foods I think that's the thing with

all the community because I mean I'm 53

and if I can make changes at 53 people

at that age if not younger

I mean exactly majority to prepare

people you know once they get past forty

forty five to think that's it I think

the life is over

you can't progress you can't learn you

the game started yeah it's just starting

and I just gain started don't let

things top of you because when you're

young you have a whole you could you got

your whole life in front of you when

you're 40 your passport you're getting

close to 50 you think that you've only

got a few years but just in a few years

if you with the right mindset it just

within a few years you can change the

whole life around if that's what you

want being all free absolutely people

are living longer now resolve of course

yeah yeah definitely Brit okay thank you

for that so we spoke about diversity

quite a bit and we spoke obviously the

business stuff we spoke about the

personal health problems as well if you

could just choose one of your biggest

lessons that you've learned from that

experience so I'm going that you had the

mindset of something but if you can just

say to somebody maybe who's experienced

in it now or going through term or

whether it's cancer or any other illness

if you can just give them one lesson

that you've taken from that situation I

would say that you know just as hard

when giving that situation but just try

to see things as I say just try and look

at the light at the end of the tunnel

you know just try to focus on you

getting better you moving forward you

wanting the thing that you want instead

of focusing on something and I

understand that it's hard because I've

been there and but just try to listen

and the best way did it one of the other

things I absolutely love doing is I love

listening to music that I love because

he just makes you feel so much better

so if you are going through a tough time

listen to your favorite song don't lose

sight of you joy yeah something that you

enjoy listening to listen to a rock so

you know not so much a rock song in the

sense of rock song I mean something that

has a fantastic you know I always find

that that helps me to feel better so and

yeah you know just just try to stay

positive really you know it's a tough

situation to be more you just have to

learn to stay positive

yeah that's brilliant thank you for that

I'm in this particular moment right this

second what is your biggest fear and

fear is another to say this now because

fear is just a thought it's just thought

that can be told controlled when you

have a fear you can always change your

feeling too and on

so I try to avoid having a fear because

I'm not saying don't not worried about

anything I'm always worried about the

future and have I done enough too but

when I pass how I done enough on this

earth for those were living here now for

when I pass that means my biggest

concern blooded and I fear because I

think when you use the word fear I don't

know a lot of people do but I from what

I've learned one of the things I

understand these learn to understand

these fear it's just a word it's a word

that's used by everybody

so when somebody uses the word fear you

instantly think the worst of something

so no no that's not what you wanted to

hear but I think that they when you use

the word fear you sort of think of the

worst but to me don't think of the way

fear and it's hard not to but don't

think of me think of something think of

it as a unless fear forward if you like

but yeah well my biggest concern is how

about done enough on earth and for those

coming okay that's one of my biggest

interested and has that purpose of yours

that why without motivation to leave the

world given as much as usually has that

only stemmed since again that I don't

want to keep touching on it but they

Hansard incident absolutely yeah yeah

yeah and that's interesting because a

lot of people I find that go through

adversity in life or have been through

hardship they almost become selfless and

they just want it almost in that moment

when they're so great for this stuff

they want to give back more yeah yeah I

think before that we kind of do live a

selfish life yeah absolutely because I I

was kind of selfish I only really

thought about myself I didn't even

though I've respected what my pen said I

would kind of well my life I could do

what I like or no and even you know

going back down I remember my father

sitting me down once and he went and he

said you know you're going down the

wrong path because I started getting

involved with the wrong people he said

you're gonna shame us and he was like

that backing when I was growing up he

said you're gonna put shame on us and

you're gonna end up in prison because he

thought I was gonna end up in prison and

but I you know I was not but I wanted to

do what I want to do

care about that I just want to do what I

want to do for what I dye my hair with a

dime appears like yeah you can't stop me

even though respecting him when I didn't

do a pop it was one of the thoughts of

him that was going through her head and

so ya can say for me cancer was the

biggest biggest thing that changed and

maybe that's what I needed

you know things they were say the things

come for a reason maybe that is what I

needed

that's a wake-up call this is why I

actually love like I love dis as part of

my job because I get to meet people at

you and without having to go through the

pain and that you've been through yeah

it inspires me so much like this is

inspiring but I have sometimes will be

talking and I'll be like episode 4

so-and-so said this how dare I feel

sorry for myself

yeah I'm it doesn't get me through the

day and I'll always think I'm blessed

because when I'm gonna have him speak to

somebody I always get to meet a new

friend and a new person that I form a

relationship and then it just changed my

perspective because I'm like I'm so much

more grateful even now just for like

health see you perfectly because he's

just pointed it out you know you was

having there we're gonna use the word

negative again we're having daily

thought about something and yet you

instantly realized you was and then

change it into something positive by

saying about somebody such as 50 cents

or how dare I

and it's absolutely like you know this

there's so many people in this world

that are worse off than you yeah you

know you other than those who are

homeless and you know this is one of the

things I want to do and as I get better

and better and you know be able to do it

is to help the homeless because unless

you're homeless and God not you if a

long as you go roof of your hand yes

it's always tough if you haven't got a

job and I know it's a big thing and a

big concern but yeah if you got a roof

over you should be grateful

always be playing with without gratitude

absolutely can't move forward and I

think I think that's that's a brilliant

point I think it's something though we

do have to do every day because again

adversity everything he goes for

everyone's life and I've had moments

when but death happens all of a sudden

for that month but you're you you're

grateful for everything and you know

life's too short please share everything

but then you get very quickly back into

their old habits happy so that's why I

always read

it should be like a day absolutely you

touch on the homeless thing so I'm I'm

very fortunate my parents are very like

loving people so we foster children and

it's laughs okay well you're my sister

then we adopted and my mom tried to

adopt every single kid that coming to

the house and laughs there's no room in

the house so I've got like three white

siblings and we've got Asian sister as

well was adopted and seeing them and

seeing like their issues in terms of

like disabilities there were

malnutrition when they first came there

Testament disorders it made me so

grateful like it changed my whole life

so I gave good-paying jobs to become

like a social worker to effectively

change the world and it changed but then

what happened was when I got married and

I moved into my house here we're sitting

today yeah

don't my siblings I think about them

every single day but I don't live with

them every day to end that feeling of

gratitude every single day okay

whereas before I never had to remind

myself please job like this a nice thing

poor Kyle he might never be able to

drive a car he'll never be able to do

this yeah and he used to make me feel

grateful yeah so it is something I think

like anything like if you don't look

after your health every single day it's

gonna deteriorate absolutely I think we

should always try and I think that's the

biggest issue and you get to a certain

stage and when you're happy with your

life you tend to start to forget about

that is you know just another quick

point is you know it's not a religious

thing or I don't want to win anybody

here but when when something bad you

never think about God you go about your

day to day business but when something

bad happens you straight away you're

going and pray to God you know God is

there every single day yet you forget

and I know most people don't but the

majority do you know they forget that

he's there every day and I even though

I'm not a I'm a spiritual person and you

know it doesn't matter what you are deep

down with all the same so when you have

to pray to somebody then pray to them

every day if you want to if you feel

that God is your way forward and then

pray to God every day be thankful to him

that you got me walk every day not just

a day that you're feeling down or you

find a bad day or you've lost your cat

you lost your dog or anything else you

know every single day should be a day

where you grateful with gratitude 100%

you alcohol I think that's beautiful

message I think it's something that I'm

probably cure you have I remember as a

kid man if I thought was gonna get in

trouble bug my parents

like God please get me through this day

never do it again I'm sure we've all

kind of done yeah I thought okay

brilliant so we're actually at the fun

part of the show is what I called it so

it's again quickfire round of 60 to 90

seconds depending when I apply you out

basically I just random questions okay

are we all ready yeah okay we're gonna

go in three two one

if you could abolish one thing in the

world what would it be oh yeah your

favorite beer butter oh yeah your

biggest role model Oh baby what would

you like to be remembered for the good I

did your biggest goal this year to be

successful and help us your worst

mistake not doing Eternia if you could

relive one day again what day would it

be the very first day I was born

the ability to fly or be invisible

invisible the number one thing that

annoys you but habits and when your fame

neither your proudest moment my children

your favorite food

got a visual icing chicken would you

rather speak or languages or speak to

animals what's your favorite song at the

club by the Drifters and if you had an

extra hour a day how would you spend it

meditating Netflix or YouTube Netflix

and the final question is the number one

piece of advice you would give to your

children just be yourself okay brilliant

so we're approaching towards the end of

the show now and just two more questions

that I always like to ask my guest the

next one's about reflection I saw this

is in hindsight obviously we learn ways

where we can get to places quicker with

less heartache or by saving money for

example so if you could go back knowing

everything that you know now and all

your words of wisdom and everything that

we've spoken about in the show to a

younger time when maybe you were

confused or going through a time where

you had no clarity in your life yeah and

you can just whisper something in the

younger piece yeah yeah did you say gone

back if I had and I think that this may

you know I was thinking these yes now

even though I would tell myself that the

future is what you create the Tippie so

if you want your future to be better

paint that picture in your head and

that's what I would whisper to myself

paint the picture of how you want your

life to be and it will create it

that's Brittany I think the more waters

the develop my dream and stuff as well

that's more what I try and do is I like

vision board and stuff and I think I

think maybe as children as well we do

that but there's somewhere between

childhood when you've got that innocence

to growing up yeah we tend to lose it I

think the vision boards are fantastic

and I think that a great thing to have

because it gives you a idea of how you

want your life to be but the whole time

to that to that is when somebody makes a

vision board they forget that they can

change that vision board and once you've

looked at it a few times it's just there

sitting on the wall of what I tend to do

is I've read my goals every morning I'll

have a book written in there what I want

my average day to be like and I read the

book everything is pretty detailed of

how I would like to be and I sit down

and read it and if there's something a

lot I don't like in it I always draw it

out and change it and I think with

things like vision boards and even

though I did a great thing like I said

but vision boards is a massive picture

of you know I feel Bree wants to be

multi millionaire and they know we're

near there it's it's an image where you

think well I'm not gonna get there but

if you take small steps because vision

boards can be expanded it can be changed

but I think people when who make vision

boards are I'm not sure about yourself

of people who make vision boards tend

not to change it so then look at it once

or twice

literally for a month or so after that -

forget the vision boards he's there but

you know going forward it's not it's not

a bad thing I'm not saying would you

recommend them having a two year goal

it's about building confidence so if

you're gonna like your goal down for

yourself or goals down for yourself and

you've written a goal to say let's just

say for argument's say you're gonna have

a million pound in a year and people do

like gods like now because the thing -

what if I could create anything or

agreat that create that I'm not saying

it can't be created but if y'all haven't

but if you're not if you're not in line

with your positive thinking creating

that video path is going to be difficult

but if you say to yourself I want to

create a slightly similar goal so say a

few sectors up I want to

10,000 pounds a month 10,000 pound a

month is far achievable easily

achievable because your work hard racket

absolutely once you achieve your 10,000

pounds a month you've put it and have a

booster then draw your goal pika make it

twenty thousand their next month and you

know no no there's lots of people out

there don't think well I want to be a

millionaire and I want to beat in a year

and but you didn't learn to speak and

you didn't know how long did it take you

to learn to walk how long did it take

you to do things now you know just

generally to do things it takes 12 years

for you to go through school and learn

all the things in school you're not

going to become successful in a year

well I'm not so don't get me wrong sorry

I apologize for that it's not you're not

going to be your mindset isn't bright

guitar pitch there won't be a nominees

that will obviously do it for the vast

majority of us we have to develop one a

sphere is changing one our mindset one I

help everything needs a line is have

yeah and we need to increase the

confidence and our skill set in all of

those yeah and one of the things that I

I suppose I've suffered with I saw I

don't do vision boards myself is that no

people do is when I used to have these

big goals

somewhere along their journey if you're

trying to be like an entrepreneur trying

to find your way life yeah when you

realize how far you are from you goes

you become very dissatisfied to me and

trying to think of the right words for

it be they the lack of motivation yeah

because you think I'm just so far away

from it and even though you might have

come so far the J yank yeah you forget

how far you've come because you're

looking to have my uni hero

so this is what I'm saying about vision

boards you see because

vision boards are a great thing but if

you're making a vision board and your

journey is to be you know a super

successful entrepreneur but you're only

here you're not seeing absolutely how

you come you you're looking at that and

you you kind of can't get demotivated

because you know with anything it can't

be change but if you're making a goal

that stopped being absolute but you're

here so that's why that's my advice

no I think that's great advice is so if

we use the analogy that Iowa

I can relate to very quickly is health

and fitness so everyone wants a six-pack

in just absolutely the number one

question I always get a song that's

absolutely fine we can get you a

six-pack we can help you but it starts

with one rep in the gym

yeah starts with you going to the gym

that one day yeah and you can't ever get

there any quicker no matter how much you

would have to do that rip

yeah then unfortunately you have to do a

lot of them reps and yeah you can't just

do one on one day you can't just sit

here for 24 hours or let's do sit-ups

another city like the world it's a

process and it's about understanding

that so yeah I think that's it it's a

pretty answer good answer and that

certainly actually brings us to the last

question and the last question is if in

150 years science fails to save us and

none of us are here and it's just

hopefully my podcasts by then all that

remains is a book and this book is about

you everything in your life or the good

things you've done or the wonderful

things and all the people's lives you've

touched and everything yeah what would

the back of the book tell us to make

somebody want to pick it up about you

and also what would the title be well I

think if I was who write a book the

title of my book would have to be a car

you say Think and Grow Rich but

something along the lines you know

thoughts I would say I would say it's

hard to sort of define them an actual

name for the Papa I would say something

along the lines of use your thoughts

well think carefully and think about

what you want you know it's hard to

define a name think carefully that's

that's quite interesting yeah it's sort

of something along them lines and with

the back of the book create the life

that you want by thinking history you

know think about how you painted a

picture painting an image on your life

create an image of how you want what you

like to be it's hard to sort of it's

fine to be honest I think everything

that you've said in this episode has

kind of told us about the nerve of it

yeah and I think the probably the most

important thing like you said it's think

carefully yeah because you realized

through your trials in tribulations is

that if your thought processes that

manifesto LSU and make your existence

and everything but yeah I think that's

the biggest thing really you know when

you're somebody's gonna pick something

up they're gonna think about what they

are doing what about you as a person how

would you how would you want to be

remembered I would like to be remembered

as somebody who did

dividing therefore everybody you know

did the right thing for those who are

less fortunate or try to do the wrong

thing I think yeah that's brilliant

thank you I think that's a great answer

and I'm just a final note so we are

gonna put your Amazon link in for your

visit I think you definitely should

definitely if people are interested in

them

so it's it's an oil it's a variation all

Roma therapy oils basically they're the

natural products there there's no

artificial cooling or the field

additives in it and they can be used for

your health purposes there's cárdenas as

well and he tells you what you can what

the purpose of these are and so each oil

can be used for various things I mean I

use the head of tose so there's a and

there's an oil in there kiddo and I

think it is that same as witch witch

hazel if you're cruising if thought it

actually takes your pain away but I

don't have anything okay so and again

I'll use the oils to put in the Steam

Mop just a few tops fantastic you could

use them in diffuser so there's many

uses for them yeah I got my wife as well

yeah and alongside that are you on

social media as well is there a way or

would you be open to banners connecting

with yourself and yeah I mean if anybody

you know wants any answers or questions

always take on anything then yeah cool

so I I am on social media on Facebook

I'm not a big these further Facebook you

know yeah I think it's just a good point

of call because there could be somebody

who behind closed doors may have

resonated a certain part of your story

may be struggling with it may be going

for the exact same thing yeah and this

is another thing the whole point of this

podcast is to let people know they're

not alone yeah so the story that you're

going through I'm gonna be going through

about a million other people who yeah

this is what it's about and it's always

nice when you can get somebody on the

show he's in a much better place then

yeah yeah and that's the point is artist

so in that function enough when we're

going through all the emotions and stuff

and we think there is no light at the

end of the tour like I thought you know

actually all of my guests have

demonstrated there is like it is here

that's what it's about

fantastic so brilliant so we're I just

wanted this moment once again just to

thank you for your time today and

sharing your story into the listeners at

home I gotta listen

it's for that play to be here and

remember this podcast is absolutely free

so all we asked in return is for you to

share this with a friend and drop us a

five star review over on iTunes

have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to deal with Fear #27 by Aren Deu

Tagline: "Wouldn't life be great if we wasn't scared of anything?"

So I recently realised, that our brain is wired for survival not happiness. This definitely hit home when I sat there a few weeks ago and thought "Wouldn't it be incredible if I wasn't afraid of anything".

As a result of realising that this wasn't feasible I felt I had to then learn to monitor it and control it. Seeing as fear will never go away, we need to try to at least live with it or else we are going to be a constant wreck of nerves, worry and stress. And on that note, remember the famous quote? "It's not hard work that will kill you, its stress".

I hope this short episode adds some value and the 3 tips at the end and explanation around Fear help move you forward and at least reduce your fear, worry or panicking by a little.

I also want to thank you all for helping support this incredible podcast. Please do reach out over social media and let's connect and continue to push this movement forward.

P.s. remember any new reviews on iTunes, just send me a screenshot either on twitter, Instagram or to my email and ill send you the diet and gym plan as promised. It will likely be a 7-day window due to the volume of listeners.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com

YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y

welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of following your voice my name is iron and as always I am the host of the show so so they wanted to to you about fear probably the strongest emotion that we can ever experience a something that we either Hope record really all over you will experience at some stage in the future Nyerere you've probably heard the acronym such as four seven dense appearing real well maybe you've heard face everything the rise or forget everything a run and I'm sure this quite a few others that you could probably think of as well now the reason we're talk about fear is because fear was something not to stop me from part costed two years ago I don't really sat down and started to think about why I enjoyed podcast and song with fright night I'm gonna tell you very short stories about me keep you much of your time but I remember as a child spending let's see three or four days a week at least definitely weekends with my little because it's just that and %HESITATION we would do and was presented radio shows so how does the %HESITATION radio cassette thing whereby you book except I read you be used to listen to top of the pops so or the music shows record and then after every song we used to have like a segment that we used to do shows and stuff and it's really strange because I used to be so complicated I used to be for love adventure and doing things that I never really think about the risks soul if off by %HESITATION to what people would perceive of me fast forward a couple years after that and that's what it is all you really start to take over my life really start to impact me so it's funny now that I've come full circle twenty years later and I'm kind of doing my own radio show although I suppose you're gonna quit podcasting the reason I tell you that is because it was fate us stop me from Saddam apart because you see I was afraid of so many things I was afraid my accent would be understood I was afraid that like tool to quickly I was afraid nobody would listen I was afraid I would release the show and nobody would care I was afraid I would get guests on the show I mean I could list in fact I could probably talk with the minister on all my face but the reason I want not to be important I want you to just take note of this is because if I had to start that part cast when I did I at the beginning of two thousand nineteen then I wouldn't be where I am not aware I'm not it's literally a dream come true because my initial goal was to impart one pass and every single day that's what I want to do so I figured the Far East with Wall part because I can just impossible is life to maybe change that perception maybe change their attitude their actions on a daily basis to make their life back I'm not being very very for to the B. B. listen to over fifty six countries that which is incredible some of them I have David head of from completely honest we now average about fifty two hundred dollars a week which is beyond expectations we've been in many of the toss the self help which is a gated fantastic and not so thank you to you guys but I have to overcome my fear in order to kind of get this view you get this kind of enjoyment of the film and I'm now getting from the park us this well when you guys to do so I'm not necessarily saying you will need to do to podcast with or recommend it I'd say you need to find out what your fears are you really need to concrete so am I'm gonna leave you with three tips on how you can combat your fear because I think it's really important obviously after the sept so you have something tangible rather just hear me talk about my days as a radio show host as a kid but before I give you the tips I think it's also important that we talk about what happens when you experience fear and why it happens you see the brain relies on fear the human emotion fear because the Braves primary focus is to keep us alive he doesn't care whether we're happy or not at the end of the day we want to do is make sure we survive so we tend to have this response seven cute stress response notice fight or flight %HESITATION the third one freeze some research is actually I did this fourth one which is called for a for this kind of when you comply with the grass or the attack at thinking that that would help you don't go through so much pain so we can put the think of some disturbing example is there so anyway we have these four things not hopper movie experience this emotion of fair and if anyone out there is saying they're not afraid of anything you're lying because at the end of the day when you struggle with worry hi Nicole stressed that is ninety nine times out of a hundred relate to a fair so anyway this too many ways that you can probably know is when your experience in fair and once you can always sit down we can obviously call back to so the first one is a logical stress reaction nigh without going into the science but I can tell you if you are interested this is basically when your body releases hormones such as adrenaline and this comes from a U. endocrine system is the hypothalamus in your brain we shoot for these days the White basically does is increase your heart rate your blood pressure starts to go higher your pupils dilate your muscles tense of anybody actually start to sweat I mean that's just a couple of the symptoms and I'm sure we've all been in that situation I mean I remember growing up as a kid and I had a fear of dogs so whenever I see the dog pretty much all of those things would happen the second one is a psychological response that this is something that I gave you can probably will relate to you have you have about yourself noticing that you've just suddenly lost her temper or your rising tend to get angry was just sold quickly to think it what happened or maybe you just experienced a mind blank Ole maybe you'll struggling to make a decision because of an old wall of choices a sick game can be linked to fare as well so that's the main T. macro level ways that you can kind of identify if you've experienced via now we give you three very quick tips that you can do to combat fair or at least try and deal with it because at the end of the day fear is not leaving this fear is not something that we have just created in the twenty first century C. existed one of our lives is help keep us alive is that caveman days because that's basically the role of it passed the role of fear the motion in our brain needs it so anyway let's double over to the steps of the festival to give you is to accept it we have to recognize that it's not going to go away so we accept it will be accepted that basically means that we don't be ourselves HESITATION every time fear exists we just simply need to know that we need to either manage it but I we either fight to run away from it well we just kind of leave it day and again that depends on where you want to go in life so for me my aim is always been to inspire motivate people but Jimmy just help people I mean ID so much stuff in terms of just helping people which isn't a problem my job I just actually get probably the best for film look from that to see somebody else do well so am I have to do this I have to the podcast I have to be very visible on social media HESITATION any gain initially when I started I was very very uncomfortable I mean I'm not exactly an expert now but I do try but was off a sort of a combat zone the second is well I like to call doctor pepper it so what is the worst that can happen you know like the advent dot net back what's the worst that could happen and I always think about because nine times out actually let's trade to nineteen nine times out of a hundred the chances are the worst is really going to happen and if we take it to an extreme the worst thing that could actually happen is normally death and the chances are the stuff that you worry about where your life especially for this do this podcast that hasn't happened as it so why would you worry about it because the west never happened but we so often over complicated and I had to we make it out to be like this incredible monumental stressful situation is going to shock Reid reads in real life when in fact it's probably not that bad if one side and the final one is to talk about and this is something all use myself so I am an anxious buddy hi I'm a much Jenny intent of trying to improve myself but trust me I have very bad days I have days ruffle absolute shit I now have days are among the phone can I struggle and I get overwhelmed so I'm just like many of you I I'm not perfect one of the best things I've done is just is just talking about it and haven't won't pass it around me or a friend or a family who I'm able to just talk to not be judged and just let loose in terms of everything already off my chest I let loose with not all I talk about my experiences and generally what I find is most of the time the stuff the HESITATION I'm experiencing such a normal I know I talked out of ten they've experienced it to which Carter makes you feel like you're not the only one I can you know away don't basically so M. small may three tips I really do hope that you can kind of take those on board hope this episode gives you value again where do these or that the soul is because it's brilliant when I interview so when I get a massive deception change went ahead and HESITATION gets but sometimes it's difficult to extract that I give that to yourselves so a lot of my guests have been through their formal with some of come out the other side and that's basically the purpose of the show were you ordered to strive and what have you doing not only to be scared I don't what do you think it would be better if I wasn't afraid of anything because it's such a that fear that keeps us alive he keeps a shopping to keep this going so at don't be afraid of your fears crime face in trying hundred and twenty controller a little bit like rocky I think it was rocky five right now he spoke about Frankie fifth %HESITATION we gave up he's one of my favourite films not sure if any even what's that but I'm gonna leave it dead friend of rambling on a game thank you so so much for order your support in terms of all the reviews and everything it really is like the great speeding that I've ever experienced pass the it's nice to see someone like gas and so my listeners interacted on social media result which is absolutely fantastic give a shout on your social media platforms of your choice and we will show you some love back as well and as always guys thanks for listening and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"How Society affects teenagers today" by Balraj Purewal #26

Tagline: "These are the broken pieces of the puzzle that you still end up piecing together.."

Life has moved on so quickly and within the space of a generation our world is now seen through a phone, almost 24/7. In fact I can't recall the last time I went out myself and didn't snap, Instagram or Facebook a status update.

But for the youth of today they experience larger problems and issues, such as seeking external validation, comparison amongst peers and so often finding themselves missing the beauty of the presence.

It is with this I decided to interview a teenager to show us, and give us a first insight into the life of a teen today. He explains very eloquently the struggles, the good the bad and the types of challenges he is presented with daily, amongst other teens.

He is a poet at a heart, currently studying at my favourite university (no bias), whilst trying to figure out where he fits in the world amongst figuring out the intent of other people.

We speak about many things in this episode that I really enjoyed recording such as:

1. Intent
2. Importance of internal validation
3. Being true to yourself
4. Finding your voice
5. Working hard
6. Using social media for what it is today

A guy who is wise beyond his years and someone I believe will go on and achieve his dreams in the world today, I urge you all to show him some support and follow his journey below:

P.s. remember any new reviews on iTunes, just send me a screenshot either on twitter, instagram or to my email and ill send you the diet and gym plan as promised. It will likely be a 7-day window due to the volume of listeners.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com

YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y

Links to guest:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_b.purewal/ (Personal)

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/word___art/ (Poetry)

Snapchat: B.purewal

Have an awesome day & #JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

YouTube Transcription:

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of this show so today I'm gonna be

bringing you our youngest ever guest on

the show now I was a little bit

skeptical if I'm completely honest of

having somebody so young coming out to a

show like find your voice because find

your voice generally speaking it's

people who have gone through adversity

gone through obstacles and problems and

then all of a sudden I sat back and I

thought hold on a second this is the

exact kind of person we need on this

show because I'm sitting here and almost

making this judgment which is again

showing something that I need to be

aware of and learn from that people

going through their teenagers and going

into transition into adulthood

haven't got a voice and that's not what

I wanted the show to be about so anyway

I'm gonna be completely honest he over

delivered in fact he was the star of

this show and I'm very grateful that he

shared his experience because there's so

many things he mentioned in this episode

that made me kind of think back to how

easy I suppose my life was growing

through that transition and many of us

listening to this because I checked the

demographics are a lot older than

barrages and we never had to go through

the social media constraints and the

problems and that external validation

that these children and teenagers are

going through today so it's a very very

good episode in terms of one for anyone

who's going through this transition are

you the teenagers who are hopefully

trying to get to listen to this show to

inspire and motivate

but more importantly it's just as

important for us slightly older people

who maybe forgot what it was like grow

no to hear somebody's perspective or how

different life is so we talked a lot

about intent we talked about the types

of people that you come across in life

but we also talk about some stuff that

just really blew my mind that I was

talking to a teenager especially when I

think back to what I was like growing up

because I was not this emotionally away

that I was just figuring it out and it

gained that last bit there figuring it

out is something that we go on to talk

about quite a bit in this episode

because irrespective of where you are in

this journey in this wonderful thing

called life we're always just trying to

figure it out so hopefully you find this

useful especially towards the end of the

show because his last two answers were

incredible and they were very poetic and

then I happen to realize that he has a

poetry account on Instagram which kind

of made sense so a kid with a huge

future ahead of him I'm very grateful

that I've managed to tap into the

younger demographics as well I'm very

grateful for Barrett this time and I

hope you all really enjoy this episode

so without further ado let's jump into

it okay people I just like to start this

show by welcoming bowrage to the show

and thanking all the listeners for

tuning in today how you doing today my

friend yeah I'm not too bad not too bad

Oh better runs well thanks I let me come

on the show oh you're very welcome my

friend so I think to start this show I

think it's really important that the

listeners get to know you a little bit

so if you would have mind if you can

just kind of give us a brief

introduction into the life of Berridge

please yeah well so obviously I went to

around four primary schools already

remember too much about it if I'm honest

I mean I'm the whole guys created for

one but then as I went along we moved

house quite a bit went to one school

that was pretty racist I was like what

like the third brown person there so it

was like I was getting called like the P

word most of the time and I was like

what the hell's going on so being quite

young in primary school didn't really

enjoy primary school too much because

always like an outsider don't know if it

was because I was moving so much or

maybe I just wasn't people's kind of

guided which is not a problem and then I

don't know what just literally got into

high school and then I was like well I

don't want that happening again it's not

something one happening teenage hormones

are last like kicking in you know that

was raging

different kind of world with high school

you thinking what's going on here I've

learned

really from lucky s7 I mean if if I'm

honest when I was in the s7 array I was

bit of know a kid or what Liars used to

end up in isolation call hi a lot I'm

not sure well I am sure why but I feel

like the school was quite strict as well

so any little minor thing I did would

basically be picked up on which is not a

bad thing I guess it took me to mature

much quicker and this just kind of

lasted to around year 10 I was like well

it ain't about who's got the biggest the

biggest this the biggest bat who can do

this who can do that because the reality

doesn't make any difference at all it's

just you can crack on with themselves

and look after themselves and then when

I got to about year 11

it just kind of semi just came out of my

shell bit more because you know kind of

a person that it loves to talk to people

I'm not sure why always been my thing

you know

even now this like being on the podcast

I read messaging you know I just love

talking to people

stead of me being stuck to my fault I'm

well I just beat somebody okay I can

intake this knowledge from you how can I

apply this to my life oh you can do it

like this so like Erin you may say to me

I'll do it this way and I may not even

sing this other perspective because I

maybe so maybe I don't know deleted with

my own which is better for me to realize

obviously social media you know the

phones are great but sometimes a lot of

people just end up stuck to it even

myself at times well of course yeah but

it was weird because in s7 like good on

words high school wise I always thought

to myself I am I'm not fitting in it

doesn't make any sense why can I not do

what they're doing why can I not do what

the older people I did not realize and I

should have enjoyed it more in the

moment so I was okay cool that's not a

problem and then as soon as I started to

come up my shell but yeah 11 time you

know starts being two more people it was

like a lot more people were coming to me

came to six form where it was pretty

much the biggest change definitely fully

came out my child say I'm you know not

in a cocky way oh I'd say I'm quite

talkative bubbly loving and caring

person mm-hmm so I guess it's kind of

came with some baggage as well because I

couldn't even realize with somebody that

was trying to maybe mess me around in

front of my face

I want to realize because I think they

have the same heart as me hmm so I

wouldn't even realize anything like that

and then obviously you know that you

live and learn obviously as you growing

up and I think for teenagers now it's

hard because everybody's trying to

sorry for the language but fuck each

other over unless they're really genuine

because they're like oh I have this or

my dad's got this my mom's got this what

does yours has what does your has yours

have I've got this PlayStation you don't

have it oh you don't have it why not or

you know just the little - things which

is you know it's no part of general

going on but I guess you don't realize

that until you actually do start to grow

up and like me going up into a man no

bit of an awkward age at the moment 19

kind of in the middle teenager turned

into a young actual man now if you know

me like 18 years the normal designated

age anyways for when they say you were a

young adult voice you're still in that

in between mm-hm if you know what I mean

and then yeah like obviously then I went

to uni as well so just finished my first

year basically thought I'd stay out

first year get a bit more independence

and you know again actual experience of

like the halls or whatever like you know

how everybody hyped up or whatever and

it was great experience met some amazing

people really amazing people some people

with some really good hearts but you

meet some give me some weird ones as

well it's really weird people you know

some people may just want to use and

abuse some people actually may want to

hang around with you or some people just

want to distract you so you've just got

to make sure that you stay true to

yourself and keep with a good heart at

all times

so it seems that until at least

University you were trying to one figure

out who you are but to also figure out

how people are and I suppose especially

with the last one it doesn't really

change I mean I'm a little bit older

than you but I still go through that

situation where I'm still trying to

figure out why people are the way they

are or why certain people don't act the

ways for instance that I act so I will

always go in with good intentions and

then all of a sudden you'll realise that

other people's intent isn't necessarily

the same as yourself so I suppose a

piece of advice having gone through that

probably a little bit more than yourself

is just try and at least be wary of

people's intent because some people

might come across as almost like the

greatest people that you've ever seen

but then you will find later on once

they get what they need to extract from

you as a person you'll find they'll kind

of disappear so that's just kind of like

a piece of advice but you touched on

some prevalent things that I can

definitely

think about when I was a kid so

especially in the Punjabi culture the

whole drinking and how much can you

drink it's a purely ego thing 100% I

fell into that I fell into almost

damaging my health at the fact of I need

to keep up with people when I drink

where is now I'd like to think of myself

as slightly more matured if I don't

fancy a drink I would just say that's

enough for me and I'll kind of walk away

from it but again it's a learning lesson

a few points I've just made not of as

well that I want to just touch on so you

were always a naughty kid and you're

always I mean you've got yourself

excluded for trying to bite somebody's

nose but then all of a sudden things

started to change and you said something

which I thought was quite important and

it was you opened up and the moment you

started to open up you felt people start

to gravitate towards you more I just

want this in relation to that then was

that a sort of force thing or was that

just you thinking okay there's no point

me just being this shy person when I

have so much more to show to the world

obviously I was looking at other people

thinking how are they doing this why so

many people coming to them I'm just you

know I'm worrying too much about other

people now you know I actually need to

listen unlike for me and I've always

been quite open anyways quite if I want

something or if I want a fun one and

know something or I want to say

something

I will say because I just get that off

my parents as well because if they want

to say something they'll just say they

don't they don't be around the bush I

don't see the point either because then

you're just passing around make it more

fuss than need to be so then literally I

just try to be myself and I was like

okay this about in the year 11 more in

six form was around a lot of people are

coming to me and I was like okay this is

a bit weird I don't really know how to

handle this and what I found was it just

came with a lot of baggage as well

because a lot of people were coming to

me but I was like even me me being a

dumb ass at times I want to realize that

some people are just there to use me for

popularity or whatever it was and it's

okay though because like I learned from

it like it made me learn that some

people like you you don't need to hang

around with these people all the time

you don't need to hang around with a

popular crowd it just doesn't make a

difference we should be working towards

better in the world absolutely I think

that's a valid point and just on that

basis you just reminded me of something

that you said earlier as well so you

said initially obviously you find it

difficult to fit in and then you said

which is

a problem like literally straight after

and I thought I was that was quite a

clever point that you made plus it also

shows your intelligence that you're

thinking a lot differently because at

that age it is all about fitting in it

is all about being the coolest kid on

the block getting the most likes on

Instagram and being that that kind of

person what I want to ask you is when

you start to be yourself and things were

more positive and obviously you know is

this and you've just explained it do you

know why you wasn't yourself prior to

that I just think are always quite since

since being young I've always been quite

observant a bit more like bit or not

always been an awful thinker I'm not

sure why I just I've always thought that

I need to be doing more than I need then

I am or I need to be doing pair but you

can't be because like that's that's

where I got to university now and I've

only just realized now that you can't be

perfect in everything you do and me

being like a lot of perfectionist when I

was in school you know I was about to

get the best grades etc you know GCSE

was okay you know six form I did quite

well and I just thought you could be

perfect but as a human you just can't be

perfect so then I started to realize

just be myself I'm always gonna have my

flaws as everybody else will have the

floors it just depends who wants to stay

with you and still accept your flaws and

accept you you want 100 percent I think

you just hit the nail on the head there

as humans you can't be perfect there is

no such thing as perfect and this is one

of the things that I suppose even when I

started this podcast it was to show

people look I'm just a shy person I'm an

anxious person even in this conversation

with yourself on making mistakes um for

getting my words and stuff as well and

sometimes it's about embracing your

vulnerabilities your weaknesses and then

next time just trying to be a little bit

better so I think that's a very good

lesson for anyone in your situation and

just I'm gonna finish it actually on

another thing that you mentioned as well

which was when you said in relation to

how people may not have the same intent

as you is that it's okay you learn from

it and it sounds easier in hindsight but

I think if we can all take our

experiences your life not not as a

personal attack but more as a sort of

learning experience I think it helps

your mental sanity a lot more so I've

had people for example where a similar

situation to yourself where I'm thinking

why hasn't that worked out or why is the

person acting in this way that you know

a normal person wouldn't think is

ethical

or the right way and rather than

dwelling on that and then thinking I'm

not worthy of receiving a good person in

my life what I do is I take that as a

lesson and I think okay fair enough that

person's got what they wanted out of

this relationship but next time I'll

have more experience and I'll be wiser

from it and if a similar type of person

comes along I will know to move on away

from that situation if that makes sense

yeah like even what I said like it's

like even whoever is it can only be a

lesson a blessing or like you know like

they're there for life whether it's a

friend or a family member

absolutely absolutely so we've touched

on University and how you've developed

in terms of one trying to find out

exactly who you are you feel a lot more

comfortable now in the way that you are

you've slid into my DMS you happily

speak into other people I think that's a

great way that we should be in the world

especially coming from a very shy person

I wish I had the confidence just to kind

of put my hand out or just smile at

people openly in the world because even

through my very short experience on this

podcast I've met some incredible people

and I realize that I'm at my happiest

when I'm connecting with people and when

I'm getting on with people so I think

it's fantastic that you're doing that at

such a young age what have you done

since University or what are you looking

to now achieve moving forward in life

moving forward obviously on your first

year Aston University doing business

management great unique kind of the

typical thing probably I'd be void yes I

want IT typical thing but all in all

from young always like I'm just always

wanting to be self-employed it's not

that like okay it's decent working for

people if they give you decent benefits

but what I find is that if you can

control your own destiny and you can

build what you want to build him it may

not be something that you know now like

even me I'm still like what do I do

do I go this way do I go that way it's

still not no but I guess there's still

time to figure it out it's not like life

is short but it's also long as well and

you know there is some days but you'll

be lazy and there's some days where you

just don't have a clue what you do but

it's like pretty much everybody's faking

it until they can make it basically in

their own ways which is not a bad thing

how can everybody know what's going on

really because then really trying to

figure themselves out figure where their

foundations are in the world for me I

want to build my sample the best I can

be

my parents have allowed me to have a lot

of freedom and it's right like even

people come up to me

whyyou moment that's all like cool with

you what like that my dad is my dad

he'll know when to tell me like straight

to the point

but he'll even have a conversation with

me like we're like best friends wish I

look and the same thing I can do with my

mama's also you know I'm glad that had

parents like that got two lovely sisters

as well you know they're growing up now

you don't even realize how much they're

growing up until you actually see them

you thinking that how did you get taller

it's all a crazy one even myself I look

in the mirror I think where did this

beard come from I always wanted to be at

this person's got a beard why can I have

one but they just comes in your own time

as everything does absolutely unlike for

myself you know I think for the Barrett

barrage I am today like I would say for

myself I'm a loving caring humble but

more selective person based on the

experience that I've already had because

life is already hard as it is life's

already the responsibility is gonna

start ended up piling up anyways so

there's no point it would be negative

you could have just got to try be as

positive as possible absolutely I think

that's really well said and this

actually helped me massively my mindset

and hopefully can help the listeners as

well is the moment I realize that every

single person is just figuring it out

and regardless of their external

appearance or how they seem to have it

all together and realize it actually

they don't and just like you just like

me just like the person listen to this

we're all just figuring it out

nobody's give us the perfect blueprint

for life I don't believe that one exists

yeah I think it's brilliant that you

know that on 19 because at 19 I was I

think I was starting you need do my

first qualification and I had no idea

what I was doing I didn't know what I

wanted to become the kind of person I

want you to be remembered for

I was not aligning anything with my

values on my ethics and this is

something that obviously you're now

going through that journey and everyone

around your age is gonna actually go

through but I think if you can all just

take one lesson away and just know that

you don't have to have it all figured

out in fact I'm now under a little bit

older where I'm still trying to figure

out what am I going to be doing in the

next five years in ten years and what

happens is as we start to grow as people

through our own personal development our

awareness

be more selective which I thought was a

brilliant thing that you pointed out as

well then you're automatically find

yourself moving towards things that you

love and

your passion projects hence my podcast

here so I said brilliant and today like

I said you're a lot wiser than I was at

your age hopefully thank you hopefully

you continue so I was going to ask you

about your routine but I'm pretty

certain I know how most uni students

live their life at uni so here's and

there's nothing wrong with that because

it's all it's all part and parcel of the

journey I mean my university meeting was

literally vodka kabobs hangover and

whatever whatever I could find on TV so

exactly so I'm not gonna embarrass you

about that but I want to move on to

something that might be able to give

somebody again some value from this

interview is about adversity so if you

can think of maybe like a time and I

know you're still young yet but I still

believe that we become the kind of

people we are because of the lessons of

the journeys that we go through so if

you could think of a lesson of adversity

or a problem that you face and then more

importantly once you've shared that if

you could just tell us what you learned

from it can i this question if I - okay

because I think what I found has given

me the biggest shock this year is

holding on to people okay you know

having expectations of people because it

told me a lot this year because you know

you know how it is lobbying a young lad

you think these are my boys man these

are doing it all I'm gonna do it as well

you know and it will work in the same

cycle and don't get me wrong it's all

good to have your friends your boys

whatever you want to call them but you

have to realize when your energy is not

being valued or serving you and somebody

if they're not going to value it because

a lot of people are just there to pretty

much just take the mick and they'd

already care what's going on your life

they just won't know because if you

aren't doing better than them thinking

why can't I do that myself as well that

you know again not in an arrogant way

are all like you know I'm friends with

girls I don't see them like any

different 2ml you know we're human at

the end of the day and a fun you know

sometimes you know it may sound bad to

say as well you know more for gender

equality and stuff but sometimes girls

are just a bit more sensible with their

thinking you're a fee

so whereas lads will just be like well

we'll be looking at each other what do

you want to do your should we have a

drink shall we do this mainly it just

depends on the crowd that you surround

yourself with so once you find that

right crowd that's when it will be all

good and well but it's just fine in that

right crowd and finding who you to stay

away from here to stay with you know I

seek quite a lot of validation from

others as well

well all in all I don't need to worry

about if it's good for myself and when I

look back at it now it was good it was

great every single time

and if I didn't look at other people all

the time then you know I would have

started to appreciate myself a lot

earlier but now I'm glad that I'm snow

young and still learning now learning

now that I only need to worry about if

it looks good for me and not anybody

else because you're the only one that

you have in this world you know you have

your family that you keep close friends

you you know friends are the family that

you choose and you know y'all needed to

care what you think of yourself as a

whole and a fair for you that you can

really trust and that's the bottom line

really for me absolutely Matt I think

that's a brilliant point that you just

made there and I think some of the stuff

that you're explaining now isn't stuff

that I believed that we had to go

through especially my generation or the

generations older than myself because

the whole getting validation from your

peers or getting validation from social

media it's become a massive massive

problem in society

and you also touched on a very good

point as well in relation to women being

more sensitive and more I suppose open

to talking about their feelings and this

is something that I really want to try

and work on in the future is getting men

to open up about their vulnerabilities

and talk about their weaknesses and all

things that they struggle with because

male suicide is far too high for what it

should be in fact it should never be

mental health is obviously poor as well

with males as well and I just think we

have such a bravado and this kind of we

have to show strength all the time that

we're almost too afraid to kind of speak

and it causes problems so I think it's

great that maybe it's you as an

individual hopefully it's more

widespread across your community that

you guys are at least acknowledging that

there is this lead here in your society

so I think that's brilliant I think it's

also important that anyone in your age

range or anyone going through what

you're going through doesn't seek

validation externally it's all about

receiving internal validation first

you've got to love yourself before

anyone else out they can love you

because irrespective of what they say

when it comes down to it you sit in your

own mind on a daily basis on your bottom

your mind can be your best friend or it

can actually be your enemy so you really

need to work on that so it's reassuring

for me listening to you to know that

you're in a much better place understand

I mean I think like even how you saying

they're sorry to cut you off is no no

you can with mental health and you know

that even as you said the suicide goal I

didn't

that myself that male suicide is going

up but with mental health like I find it

such a big cuz even myself like I won't

sit here and I say I haven't been for it

myself I have because I always think

like you know I've been there in my bed

feeling low as how old you know feeling

feeling rock but I'm thinking you know

and people will say to me what do you

have to stress about you're only 18 19

and that's okay that's so cool that's

there like we used to get on with it

back in the day but it's just it's not

the same because we've got all this

access to social media nowadays we've

got people trying to make themselves

look better put like different like you

know brightnesses on their pictures or

increase the brightness of their face on

their pictures and you know you may meet

some people they don't like this day and

then they're not actually like what

we've been trying to portray they are

and social media and that's what F's it

all up because you can't betray yourself

to be something on social media and when

you meet the person you like well this

person just the whole different spectrum

and with mental health advice it's

always like you can you can do better

than the other person who you can F over

the other person who can keep on going

until some like it's like a it's like a

rat race like a wolf kind of like a wolf

pack sort of thing who can be the the

wolf that climbs at the my own first and

and all the other ones are trying to

like basically just drag him down and

it's hard because you know even with

Punjabi community once again they're

always like well if you say to them that

you have a mental health problem well

they'll just be like okay no problem

just deal with it yeah I mean it can't

be that way because I'll getting worse

now and there's only more awareness

about it now because of social media

which the benefits of social media as

well and all this kind of stuff I think

that's a that's a great point and again

for the listeners that it's a lot harder

and I kind of do sympathise with you

guys coming up in this generation where

social media has this good parts but it

has this kind of evil tail to it as well

where I never had to deal with that so

growing up for me when I was going to

university and we were drinking and

partying his sir

we were never worried about taking snaps

or or having a whole night out looking

through the lens of our phone it was

just kind of being there in the moment

in experience in it and then our

self-worth wasn't pretty much like that

oh absolutely and at the same time our

self-worth wasn't predicated on the fact

of when we go home at the end of that

night who got the most likes on that for

the most engagement for example so I'm

very grateful for that and I think it's

important that you mentioned that but I

just want to say something else that you

mentioned as well because you've said it

a few times now and it's probably more

so because of your

is that you seen everyone F each other

over because of like you're almost

seeing it like a rat race and I think

the rat race thing is an important thing

and I've tweeted something this morning

it was taken from Wayne died and it's a

very good quote which i think is quite

useful for where we are right now in

this show and what he says is we're in

partnership with all other human beings

it's not a contest to be judged better

than some and worse than others and I

think if we all sin ourselves a sort of

partnering up with humans and trying to

help each other move forward in this

life because at the end of the day we're

all figuring it out as we've touched on

earlier I think the world will be in

such a better place but we have this

scarcity mindset where we think in order

for me to move forward I have to stand

on somebody else or put somebody else

aside as opposed to saying yeah why do I

hold your hand and we'll move together

and you're always quicker and stronger

together so I think it's reassuring to

hear that you're you've got that mindset

and I think if you remain selective like

you mentioned earlier I think you'll get

the right network around you to

obviously help yourself move forward I

think what it is as I it's always that

you've got you right it's always at all

and everything as well it's like that's

if you want to create a business right

it's always a trial and everything where

humans are like you may trust one and

then they may break your trust and you

merge that listen with your whole heart

and that's not bad that's not that

shouldn't people shouldn't beat

themselves up if that happens because

it's a learning lesson that means that

person wasn't meant to be in your life

and that means that there's better to

come because even even anyways that

you've got to have some good days to

have some bad days you've got to have

some bad days to have some good days

it's just as simple as that and you just

gotta take the positives that are very

from that you can't absolutely me

absolutely yes sir very wise words for a

19 year old so appreciate I'll get at me

so you're now in your first year

University you've made massive strides

with your talent and your emotional

intelligence is really really high which

is nice to hear what saves you very good

question

currently in my life at the moment what

scares me is not being able to provide a

comfortable life for our potential

future wife and kids you know not be

enough hub I'm a family now my mom dad

my sisters you know they're gonna want

to get married and well yeah I think

they're gonna need help with fine like

finance is not the be end and end all

but it does make life with more freedom

more comfort so you know if there's

something that I

dude help them make their life easier

and maybe I don't know let's say I had

another source of income I could give it

to them I'd be happy to do that but it's

just you've got a we're card for these

things my mom you know she's a teacher

herself so you know I always see yes

she's always stressed out so she's

always coming you know she'll be with

work all day she'll be coming back in

the market papers you know tour about

9:00 10:00 at night I don't know she

does it and then repeat the day my

biggest fear is not making their life

easier and my biggest fear is not being

able to provide a comfortable life for

myself and the family around me

I think you've almost answered the next

question as well which I was going to

ask about the motivation so it seems

that your motivation right now is to be

able to successfully graduate and then

provide different streams of income to

facilitate one obviously your sister's

getting married helping your parents at

home and then obviously giving yourself

the kind of life that you want as well

yeah because like even for me as well

and working under people just kind of

get under my skin a bit to be honest but

you're gonna have to do the minute you

agree for a couple years of your life

because that's the way it is when you're

young as well you know people have told

me that that's the way and you just

gotta work hard you've got to keep your

chin up which is not a problem

so like currently now I'm working at

Nando's which is not a problem I'm happy

I'm happy for the free Nando's I can't

complain but it's a good job for me now

but could I see myself doing that when

I'm what thirty years old I wouldn't

like to think so often - because you

know even though it's a good job you

know dealing with customers that

straight rude or having so much pressure

put on you and you know running back and

forth running back and forth it's all

good while I'm young but maybe when I

get older maybe I may not just have that

energy that's interesting firstly I'm

hoping I get a free round after this

podcast session is on oh yeah that's

just as good the weird thing is the

reason I'm touching on does is one

everyone knows I absolutely love Danlos

but tea when I was at university it just

opened on Birmingham Broad Street and I

remember sitting there oh I worked

literally all the way through University

so I went to the same uni as you

Aston uni and I always had a job no

Wayans yeah yes I had a job on the

weekends and my aim I remember when

Nando's opened after trying it I was

like man I really wish I had a job at

Nano so it's funny how the world works

but there was a point in time where

having a job at Nando's was literally my

dream job at least for that period in

one yeah time so appreciate where you

are

appreciate or the good thing

be grateful for everything that's coming

your way now it's taught me like you

know it's told me that hard to grit my

teeth who went there a lot of rude

customers come in so you have to look

after it like it's like it sounds a bit

weird like it's like your own family you

have to keep it clean the place because

that's where people are going to come in

like you know if you come into the story

you want to make sure everything is

clean you want to make sure the food's

on point cannot attend not 9 out of 10

because it's not if it's not 10 out of

10 then you know you're not going to be

happy with the service at all you know

have a smile on your face and just keep

on going like keep your chin up even

when it gets hard like even for me

sometimes I'll be like I'm just touching

my forehead thinking flirty arm and I

need a break but you just got to keep on

going absolutely me absolutely we're

actually at the fun part the show now

there is no right or wrong answer but

just try and say the first thing that

comes in your head we're gonna go in

three two one

if you could abolish one thing in the

world what would it be judgmental people

peanut butter and Nutella peanut butter

your biggest role model biggest role

more mom what would you like to be

remembered for being Who I am your

biggest goal this year to just keep on

working hard no matter how hard it gets

your worst mistake is listening to other

people about a certain person if you

could relive one day again what day

would it be 26 of May two years ago why

it was just everybody was there

family friends you know we was at my

house and it was just you just wanted

most be of things you know honestly I

read I really loved that day I loved it

the ability to fly or be invisible

invisible when your fame that's a hard

on max I'm thinking well with things you

can get money but then what I say money

your favorite food the mix grown and

okay speak our languages will be able to

speak to animals animals what song best

describes your life Dizzee Rascal

bonkers would you rather know how you

would die or when you would die and

finally if you could sit with one person

in the world for an hour who would it be

probably my baby my grandma I love that

so the next question it's about

reflection and I'm a firm believer that

hindsight is a wonderful thing and it

teaches us ways to get there quicker

easier and we're less heartache

but I'm also an avid believer that the

journey teaches us so much as well in

terms of his lessons so what I want to

know is if you could go back in time to

one particular moment knowing everything

that you know right now and whisper

something to a younger barrage what

would you say I just said to myself I'd

say barrage do you not worry it will all

come to you in the end you will not end

up failing you are not a quitter

you are not inclined to please other

people put yourself first say no if you

don't want to do it it's as simple as

that

enjoy the present moment more don't look

too much into the future ruining your

full process already and don't look back

with pain in your heart these are the

broken pieces of the puzzle which you

saw might end up still piecing together

have fun and live life enjoy your youth

don't look too much into girls

alcohol or any other distractions just

try and discipline yourself more keep

yourself closed off but keep yourself

living and humble always may I love that

I want you to do me a favor after this

podcast and actually send me that

written form and that was almost like

poetic you mentioned something there

these are the broken pieces and the

puzzle that's still in the piecing

together but I want to do it just this

so if you can send me that at your

transcript or what I'll do is I'm

actually gonna bring them out separately

no problem I mean I even I even do have

a separate poetry account as well that I

do must like check it out if you have

any time yeah it's on my new profile but

it's on its good word under school and

school oh okay check that as well

brilliant so suddenly that actually

brings us to the last question and the

last question that I always ask my guess

is if in a 150 years time science fails

to save us and all that exists is a book

and this book is about you and

everything that you've achieved in your

life all your weird and wonderful dreams

have been accomplished what I want to

know is firstly what would the title of

the book say and secondly what would the

blurb at the back tell us about you I

wrote yesterday I said you know he was

like I know other he persevered like no

other he had himself he was elegant

clean hearted charming and crazy he

would always go the extra mile for those

who were close to his heart at times end

up here

all in all he always tried to see the

bright side of life the world is already

too cold and entangled in its own

pleasures to not be positive

of that as powerful have you got a title

for that the title the life of an

inquisitive man brilliant me if you

wouldn't mind could you give us the best

sources via social media where we can

contact you Instagram I love being on

instagram my instagram is under school

beat up for a while its be PU or e w al

quite active on snapchat as well is beat

up for a while again be pu r e w al

they're the main ones I'm active on to

be honest ok no problem so what I'll do

is for everyone listening today I'm

gonna make sure I put all of the links

so you can contact barrage directly very

social media as you've probably seen

from some of these answers today's very

poetic so I'll be following them on his

Instagram poetry handle as well myself

straight after this

I want to thank Mirage for being open

about his story and sharing it and

hopefully this influences and inspires

many others and I want to thank everyone

at home for listening thank you thank

you and remember this podcast is

absolutely free so all we ask in return

is for you to share this with a friend

and drop us a five star review over on

iTunes have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to deal with overwhelm #25 by Aren Deu

Tagline: "Overwhelm was the main driver behind my anxiety"

Overwhelm, whether it comes through your to-do list, your emotions or thoughts is something that can cripple you. It can cause undue stress that has negative connotations on your life. For me dealing with overwhelm has been an uphill struggle personally for years, but through self development and working on myself I have found ways to combat it, reduce it or at the very least recognise why it appears.

It is something that affects, children, teenagers, women, men and even the elderly but the positive thing about it, is that it can be managed. I hope these tips and tricks and me sharing my own vulnerabilities with overwhelm encourage you to never shy from your weaknesses and to express them, share them and then tackle them to grow.

I hope you all have an amazing day and get in touch via any of the social media handles below and let's connect and continue this movement.

P.s. remember any new reviews on iTunes, just send me a screenshot either on twitter, instagram or to my email and ill send you the diet and gym plan as promised. It will likely be a 7-day window due to the volume of listeners.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com

YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren Deu a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so recently I've been

getting quite a few requests to discuss

this topic that I'm gonna be speaking to

you about today overwhelmed because I

suppose when you see people on Instagram

and they're doing weird and wonderful

things almost 24 hours a day you you

start to think how on earth are they

managing to keep that going now again

I've spoken about all this previously in

relation to Instagram or Facebook being

a kind of highlight reel so don't always

take everything on 100% face value the

likelihood is there are also some bad

moments and a lot of failures along the

way and one of my failures I suppose or

should I call it learning experiences

was my anxiety and as many of you now

know because the intro reminds us every

single time in Zayat it was something

that really did cripple me for the best

part of theyi

odd years and it's not something that I

could say I've actually completely got

rid of so one of the key drivers behind

my anxiety was definitely overwhelm and

it was something that when it happened

it would come from Norway and it would

consume me in that moment and almost

paralyzed me into doing anything now

obviously through learning and working

on a lot of self-development

I'm able to now kind of at least

mitigate the impact of it but also just

try and have a few hacks that will

basically make me at least seem like a

normal functioning human afterwards so I

think it's important that obviously I'd

give you some of the causes as to why

some of us may feel overwhelmed but more

importantly just before I begin what I

want to do is just put my cards on the

table be

some of you out there might be a bit

embarrassed to speak about the things

that you're overwhelmed about so I

figured if I kind of embarrass myself

right here right now on this podcast and

then hopefully as a resort that you

won't feel as embarrassed or as shy to

share your views as well because I do

believe that sometimes when we share our

anxieties especially with the people

close to us they become more sympathetic

and they become more understanding of

our situations so one of the things that

I used to get anxious about was not

responding to messages quick enough now

this could be a text message it could be

a whatsapp or it could be an email the

level of anxiety when I send my phone

bleep and if in that moment I couldn't

respond because I was eating or I was

watching something with the missus or

whatever it was it would almost consume

me and make me very anxious especially

when I used to drive as well it's the

worst thing in the world when you hear

your text go off in the car and you're

thinking shit I need to respond

especially as an anxious wreck like

myself the second one was being late and

I remember this even as a young kid

where my auntie used to take me and my

cousin sister to school and she'd always

be late and I would be standing there

with my bags ready for school almost

getting into this unbelievable

uncontrollable mess and I'll be

stressing in case I've got told up by

the teacher he would then tell my

parents and then I get in trouble from

them so I used to have all these

scenarios player in my head and as far

as I could remember I don't think I ever

actually got in trouble but yeah belay

is it's one of the things that I really

struggle with and it's probably why one

of my pet peeves is people actually

being late the third one was my

anticipation of dogs so growing up I had

a massive fear of dogs having been

chased by one on a holiday in Canada so

I would almost make up this scenario

that every house I was gonna go and

visit or every house that I would cross

or watch me I would turn down they would

just randomly be a dog there and then

that would obviously cripple me and make

me feel like a nervous wreck to be

understand and elevate my heart rate it

made me sweaty for no reason and it

would just make that day unbearable at

least until I realized that most of the

houses I went to never had dogs and then

the final one was always just being

anxious for no apparent reason I would

wake up I'd be in an absolutely funk

I'd be feeling overwhelmed by stuff and

it was just so difficult to really

understand why I was feeling this way so

that's me

that's my cards on the table hopefully

that makes you feel a little bit better

because I can't imagine you having

anything as embarrassing as that so to

move this forward what I want to do in

this episode is to give you guys tips I

want to give you guys tips that I use

personally and tips from other experts

as well in the world to basically make

sure that you're not consuming yourself

and wasting energy on stuff that doesn't

want matter but to stops you from doing

the things that you need to be doing to

make yourself happy and fulfilled so

let's begin by thinking of the common

causes behind overwhelm and stress I

think the first one is expectation and

this is probably one of the main

number-one sources for stress and

overwhelm across the world if I'm

completely honest with you it's trying

to satisfy the expectation that we place

unnecessarily not just on ourselves but

also on others as well so sometimes

we're expecting people to idea to our

way and that's not always the case but

sometimes we also expect too much of

ourselves as well so number one is

expectation moving on to number two is

when you take on too much now if you're

anything like me and you follow me on

Instagram or through my social media

activities I'm trying to do a bit of

everything and there are times when

everything's going fine but then there

are also times when I'd do burnout and I

do still struggle with overwhelm I'm

here trying to make a social enterprise

for mental health I'm working on my

podcast I'm working on my personal brand

I'm working with clients I do a little

bit of personal training here and there

I try and work out myself I have a

property business as well and so much

more so it can become daunting

especially when you have friends and

family and just other things that you

want to be doing on a daily basis so

that's something that I would certainly

make sure that you're not trying to take

on too much and you're not trying to

solve all the world problems all at once

another one little bit similar to

expectations but it's about putting

pressure on yourself and if you're

anything like me I always kind of had

this voice in my head and he just kind

of highlights all of the things that I

do

wrong in fact that's pretty much all it

was doing at one point in time so if I

wasn't eating well enough if I wasn't

working out well enough or if I wasn't

working as hard as I should have on that

day

I would almost be lit on myself and my

self-worth and my value would almost

decrease day by day and what I realized

was that I was just trying my best as we

were love you all kind of go through

life and we try our best with whatever

resources we have available but in that

moment I could be working absolutely

fine for six days 16 hours a day and

then if I choose to have a day off I was

putting this pressure on myself that one

I needed to get to my goals a lot

quicker and to that I just wasn't worthy

of that time off and boy was that a

roller coaster of emotions and again

overwhelm and just unnecessary stress so

if that's you make sure you take off

that pressure there is a thing called

escapism and it's something that I

started to do recently and just try and

reflect back and think what are the

things that make me happy is it really

gonna make me that much happier if I end

up burning out and then all of a sudden

I can't work for X amount of days just

for the sake of working that Sunday it

just might not be and the next one is

perfectionism so I had this almost like

a a proud badge of honor that I was a

perfectionist and I suppose it was one

of the things I used to use in

interviews as a sort of when they used

to ask the question what is your

weakness because it's one of those you

can kind of turn it around but being a

perfectionist actually sabotage a lot of

my progress especially my early years

whereas now if you follow me again on

any of my social media outlets I just

kind of say what I want to say and it's

out there and I'll make a lot of

spelling mistakes I'll make a lot of

editing mistakes even on my podcast is a

couple of podcasts I'm not sure if

you've heard previously where some of

the sound is a little bit mumbo-jumbo

and yeah it's just kind of that whole

analogy of let's not try and be perfect

now let's just try and move forward 1% a

day and that certainly helps me rather

than trying to make sure everything's

perfect because let's be honest nobody

is perfect for a start and you're never

going to be perfect without trying in

the first place so the best way to do it

is by taking a swing of the bat day

after day day after day putting in those

reps and over

time you start to perfect your craft you

still probably won't be perfect but it

certainly does take that pressure off

you next up we have control now this is

one that I'm sure many of you can relate

with but if you're anything like me I'm

a little bit of a control freak so I

like to do a lot of things myself hence

why I'm kind of I suppose overworking

and when it comes to outsourcing it's

very difficult for me to kind of hand

over the control and that's not to say

I'm the greatest at what I do because

there are people who can do so many

other things I do on a daily basis so

much better but it's just handing over

that control that initial bit of saying

here you go that's something I really

struggle with in life and I'm pretty

sure many of you listening today can

obviously relate to that as well so

that's basically five I suppose

ingredients as to why people generally

feel stressed and overwhelmed okay so

now that you know what the causes are

for ends ie

and overwhelm what I'm gonna now give

you is just some tips and tricks on

things that you can do now this list

it's compiled not just through the

things that I do but it's also compiled

from a lot of research that I've been

doing over the years as well because I

am very very passionate about personal

development none of us are perfect and

it's all about trying to be better each

time so through the books that I've read

and through my own experiences I've just

clay in a list now I think there's about

10 or 15 so hopefully it won't keep you

for too long but what I would recommend

is that after this show maybe if you

just make a few notes because if some of

you are driving right now you might not

be able to recognize all of these and

then maybe just try one or two of them

every time you may feel a sense of

overwhelm in your life okay so the first

one is meditation or just taking a

moment to be still now the reason I say

taking a moment to be still is because I

don't actually meditate but I know the

benefits of it from people who do

meditate but one of the things that I've

started to do is just try and be present

in that moment now you're probably

thinking this is a little bit

counterintuitive because on one end of

the scale I have all of these things

that I need to do because the world's

gonna end if I don't do them but on the

other side you're telling me to just

take a break

yes I'm telling you to take a break and

I'm telling you to take a break for a

simple reason that you need to start to

think logically you need to start

thinking with a clear

head and you're not gonna do that in

this mumbo-jumbo fashion where you're

trying to do everything all at once

because let's face it nobody Komori

tusks our brains are wired in a way that

we actually just switch between tasks so

it's almost like a web browser where you

switching between tabs yes you can move

on to different tabs but you're going to

lose a sense of flow because you're

gonna have to find out where you were

the last time you were looking at that

web page and it just doesn't work so

what you ideally want to do is focus and

you only want to focus on one thing you

only want to focus on one thing at any

one time so anyway back to the point you

want to be still and you want to be

present in a very quick way can do this

is literally by taking notice of exactly

where you are so as I sit here now

recording this I am sitting on my sofa I

have one leg crossed and one leg on the

floor there's quite an unusual position

but I can film my feet on the floor so

it gives me that sense of touch I can

feel my forearm on my left thigh and I

can feel my lips are pretty dry as well

because it was a bit of a crazy weekend

so what about you just done there in

that very quick moment is just make

myself present in relation to my

surroundings by doing that it reduces

your stress and your ins ie as well and

it just brings your heart rate down ever

so little number to try and tick off

something straight away something off

your list and this is why a lot of

people make the bed or they work out

very quickly in the morning where they

have a point of water or they have their

vitamins first thing in the day and it's

actually one of the few things that I do

as well so all those little things are a

little point that I do in the day

because you kind of feel like you

achieve something almost instantly so

yes it might not be the highest priority

thing but just taking off those few

things certainly reduces that incredible

monumental made up by the way and list

of things in your head that you can't

physically do in one day because let's

be honest the list that we make in our

heads

it's almost made out to be a lot more

difficult and a lot more time-consuming

than it actually is the next one is

postpone anything that doesn't matter so

this is something that you can actually

adopt eisenhower's urgent an important

principle

now again just simply google this and

what it is it's basically four quadrants

and in those scenarios you have the

first one being important and urgent the

next one important but not urgent then

you have not important but urgent and

then you have not important and not

urgent now obviously if you listen to

this on a podcast it's a hell of a lot

easier to go and have a look at what it

looks like and the reason you want to do

this is because what you want to focus

on is compiling these to-do lists

compiling all these tasks that are

overwhelming you and making you feel

like you need to almost do them

instantly and start to place them in

their right boxes for example something

like doing the Hoover in your house or

speaking to a potential lead now if

you're an entrepreneur you start in your

business in my personal opinion it's a

lot more important for you to go and try

and get leads as opposed to doing the

Hoover now you could be procrastinating

by doing the Hoover and trying to work

away from it but you really want to

focus on what are the things that move

you forward one in terms of your

happiness and your fulfillment but two

in terms of producing income for you so

try to this exercise it'll take you ten

fifteen minutes but you can really start

to understand the kind of things that

you're placing into each different

quadrant now I will say in relation to

this is when you have something that is

important but it's not urgent just be

mindful that one day it will be

converging so if you don't do it at some

stage it's gonna creep up and it's gonna

comment to that to-do list that's gonna

instantly overwhelm you so make sure

that list isn't too big because

obviously as life comes on we start

adding more and more things to our life

and then when that hits you at the same

time here comes the overwhelm next one

we have is set realistic goals I've been

very fortunate to work with selling

people now who I'm now trying to coach

and help them move forward in their

lives and I am all for being optimistic

I'm all for grand Cardinals theory of

10x and trying to be the best I'm really

trying to put yourself out there and

make a difference not only to yourselves

but to society but let's be honest if

you've come from a place where you've

not made any money and then all of a

sudden you want to make 10 million

pounds in the next 12 months it's very

unlikely now I'm not here to say it's

impossible the

that's not really the purpose of this

shop what I'm here to say is and one of

the things that I want to do in this

show is to look after your well-being

and your mental and physical state so it

would be foolish of me to say yeah just

like ten million and all of a sudden

you're going to achieve 10 million

because the fact of the matter is unless

you're one of the top one or two percent

entrepreneurs in the world it's probably

gonna be very unlikely that you can be

able to facilitate a business to make

that kind of money straight away but how

realistic goals have realistic goals

that you will have maybe replace your

income for example or you would have

made half a million pounds 1 million

pounds listen the fact of the matter is

it just needs to be realistic based on

your resources your skill set the time

you have available and the actual market

itself so make sure you have a real

thing a realistic thing but the same

time do stretch yourself as well don't

go out there and say I want to make

1,000 pounds a month when really that's

pretty easy especially if you work hard

enough and you do the right things

next up lean on people and delegate and

this is a game going back to you the

kind of the Hoover example that I used

so for example I don't like doing the

housework and we're already the highest

weight for me it kind of stops my flow

I almost get overwhelmed and stressed at

the feeling that I have to do it so

initially what I used to do was a hire

someone I used to pay someone 8 pounds

an hour

she's the common bless her heart and she

used to do all the tasks that I didn't

want to do now it was them my duty to

make sure that I was bringing in income

or produces something that in the future

will bring in income that would be more

than 8 pounds an hour and that is

basically leverage so for example back

six or seven years ago I was personal

training and I was charging about thirty

five pounds and I went solve for me it

was better for me to just go and get

myself another client Rodman's walking

around the house for an hour trying to

tidy up

whereas I could just pay someone eight

pounds an hour so value your time and

lean on people or delegate so put on

your resources look at who's in your

network that you can work with and who

you can help and not only that it helps

you in return so number seven this is

changing your energy now it's really

that you get used to changing energy and

one of the things I preach on my fitness

channels is about being healthy and go

to the gym and stay inactive because

energy creates energy this might sound

really crazy but it does so have you

ever had those days where you're just

sitting around all day

you're not even hungover and you just

been watching TV you've almost watched

all season of Netflix and all of a

sudden you just feel absolutely

lethargic that's because you're not

creating any energy so in moments of

overwhelm or when you're getting overly

stressed one of the things you want to

do is change your state now Tony Robbins

does this better than anyone and you'll

see him jumping around on the stage and

I'm not necessarily saying if you're in

the workplace or you're out in public

that you need to just start jumping up

and down on the spot although that would

be pretty funny and if you do do it make

sure you tag me in on social media while

you're doing it but something as simple

as doing a couple of press ups doing a

couple of squats taking a walk taking a

jog something that will just literally

move you from where you are now create

some level of energy and just by doing

that alone it will start to relieve you

of tension it will release endorphins

and it will over time start to make you

feel less overwhelmed so you probably

see me now workout twice a day and the

reason I do that is because firstly I

like to put a win in my daily diary as

soon as I wake up because then I know if

shit hits the fan and it's a very very

difficult day full of obstacles and

problems I've still done something to

benefit my health and then the second

one normally comes after about lunchtime

once I've had half of the day of work

and then I just want to kind of think

creatively so then I go for a second

exercise session and just by doing that

one I release my stress I get to listen

to some music sometimes I have the

occasional podcast on but then as soon

as I come back from that I'm feeling

refreshed and I'm feeling creative again

and finally number eight this is where

I'm gonna leave it guys I could talk

about this for ages if you did found

this useful and you want me to kind of

do a part two because I've got like

another 20 points here please do let me

know

but the final one I'm gonna go is just

to remember in the grand scheme of

things be stressed out about whatever it

is whether it's doing the laundry

whether it's one deadline for example or

whether it's making sure the dishes are

washed is it really that important

now I know obviously we're moving the

state of overwhelm is very difficult to

think logically I fully appreciate that

but if you can just sit there maybe make

yourself present as I mentioned before

maybe change your state as soon as

you've done that and then just sit there

and think okay I'm getting overwhelmed

because I have X Y & Z to do and then

think how important are these if God

forbid I wasn't able to do it by

tomorrow or the day after would my life

be over and you'll probably realize your

life isn't gonna be over and again this

probably comes down to all the pressures

that you put on yourself the

expectations and it's just about being

more mindful in the moment so hopefully

you found this useful I again I really

do enjoy these kind of single solo

episodes because I feel I'm able to

obviously give you guys tips on what

it's actually made me bear and again the

whole premise of finding your voice is

about overcoming our adversity

overcoming our pain and trying to find

ways to move forward to not only feel

happier more fulfilled but then be able

to give back into the world so guys as

always I do thank you so much for your

time I thank you all for the reviews

again we're starting to pick up some

more reviews as well if you follow me on

social media actually that's probably

the last time I'm gonna say that today

is I am offering a free gym plan for

four weeks and have dietary advice as

well it's gonna be absolutely free I

usually charge 70 pounds for it but it's

just going to be in relation to if you

can give us a review maybe share it on

social media and tag me in so I know who

you are then what I'll do is I'll get

your email address and I'll personally

send you this free diet plan so the way

I'm selling it at the minute is one you

be doing me a massive favor by helping

expand this movement getting more people

to follow find your voice more people to

change their lives and not become

victims and like I said on the last

episode start to become a victor of the

life and really take control of it but

to you'll also look great naked so on

that note I'm gonna leave it there and I

hope you all have an incredible week and

as always thanks for listening and

remember this podcast is absolutely free

so all we ask in return is for you to

share this with a friend and drop us a

five star review over on iTunes have an

awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Find your voice - Episode 24 "Victim Mentality" by Aren Deu #24

Tagline: "Take your power back now"

Avoiding a victim mentality is key to your success, happiness and fulfilment. Are you a victim or victor?

It is important we recognise our own behaviour and thoughts. It is our behaviour and thoughts that will dictate the quality of our actions and decisions to move us towards happiness, fulfilment and achieving our goals.

This episode covers 4 signs and examples that you may not be aware off, that someone with a victim mentality would showcase. If you can relate to these, don't despair. I have been there, as have most of the population but the key is to recognise this and develop your mindset and grow it to take your power back. Take accountability for your actions, grasp that power and confidence in your own decisions and change your mentality to achieve your goals and dreams.

Let's combat those excuses now and do and be better.

I hope you all have an amazing day and get in touch via any of the social media handles below and lets connect and continue this movement.

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/rss/findyourvoice?auth=gBnWmJ5cdB_Q3FsUedWmWawIe7tjfbhS

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com

YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y

Transcript

welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of flight your voice my name is art and as always I am the host of the show so today as you probably know is from the title I don't have a cast so you're actually stuck with me I'm gonna be speaking to you for the next policy hopefully five or ten minutes I'm not gonna keep it long because I'm conscious of your time I truly do appreciate you guys spending time with me for the short amount of Minnesota keep it nice a concise and stick to the topic so the topic today is up by your mentality and some of the victim mentality and this is something that I'm not necessarily what did not day because I'm trying to point the finger at someone trying to say you've got a victim mentality will turn it almost but someone in the spotlight because it's something that I've actually suffered with but the reason I want to talk about it is because I think deep down if you will sit down and think about it I think we've or how to victim mentality at some stage in our life and it's something that doesn't service is something that doesn't feel you will make you happy and this is something that I suppose if we break it down and we let you look at one of our life because the main thing we want is happiness and fulfillment so why do something that doesn't allow you to be happy and be fulfilled so this kind of brings me to the whole victim mentality and the reason I want to have this discussion with yourselves with though it's kind of a wall way discussion but I do you age you wore to open dialogue and you know follow me on Instagram by my you tube channel which I've just bought a brand new one or any other means for my social we don't happen to have this conversation with you I'm trying help you move forward so a couple of things I want to talk about if you find that you always blaming somebody else then you've got a victim mentality so if for instance you always think it someone's always follow its person ace voice Monday bass voice more moms photo is my siblings folk then there's something that you need to look at especially do this quite a lot because the common factor in order those situations is yourself so maybe you should step back and think maybe on the one that is probably at blame but I suppose when you have that mentality thinking about the it's not logical it's always easy to kind of pass the blame of pasta book and power so that's one reason the second is that if it's not a person for a almost become the universe is for software is slice for life to warn of a sudden got it in for me and you kind of have that mentality as well any gain because I've been there I've had that thing where why did it's going to break into song there but it's about trying to song isn't it why does it always rain on me and I was Travis in that video because it felt like the whole will what was kind of raining on me so M. that something is what I think you should look at as well and gain it all comes down to the section and if you really think about it and this isn't the best anyone's bubble but activists mon a long time ago we really not that important we are not that important that the universe conspires to commit gates this this seven billion plus people in this world it doesn't automatically think okay we're gonna talk in this one individual here make their life a misery so M. another thing you might think or find yourselves due to somebody with the victim mentality is be pessimistic with the time given a cynical person not when you sit around and there was the ray new energy now these are quite common actually unless you start changes Safeco so again if you are that person is not being that person but if you're around a person crime you away from me what he's trying to change their mind set or even back send them to the show and the last one which is one one elaborate on just ever so slightly is you become powerless I've been a victim mentality made she powerless and the reason it makes your policy because your always pass in the book you don't want to take any responsibility any accountability for with the situation that you pull on into your life so this is something that I need you guys to think about but I need you to get your power but because only by getting your pop up for you really got to be fulfilled are you really going to truly be happy and all you're going to have to make missiles in whatever aspect of your life is so a quick example I had a dodgy build a few years ago %HESITATION with me off ten twelve thousand times my first thought was it's useful if it wasn't for him I'll be absolutely fine but in hindsight and three working on my pace of development I realized it was a hundred percent my foe you see my daughter didn't like well I say my daughter he's known on the my bill this bill didn't wake up all of a sudden and think Hey I'm gonna head over to the house is not renovated and then I'm gonna put that person off no I got the pace new both I didn't do enough G. diligence I didn't check their previous record and check their accounts that in check if they even have money to start the job and I made so many mistakes from that and that's just one example but I'm sure you guys can all thing kind of similar examples I've day yourselves I need to buy it be responsible for it get your power back really try and think about why you'll possibly why you don't take any kind of B. Y. U. not changing your circumstances because at the end of the day if you continue to possible for the rest of your life you're gonna remain pretty much the same situation we have to develop this growth mindset we have to start to improve our quality of life the way we see ourselves and our confidence we have to combat people and one of the biggest ways to build confidence in the game the Serbian of episode the hopefully I can bring to you guys and you enjoy it is tips on building company is one of the best ways you can do to stop right this second is to stop taking accountability and sought changing the victim mentality and I've heard it used before think they quit a Victor mentality which I think is a very very good analogy so maybe change upward victim to Victor mentality so guys it's a nice weapons hold hopefully you don't mind the short side I think it's important I can engage with you guys as well and %HESITATION find your voice is about the people it's about you guys and try to really inspire at least one person today to go out there find their voice and really start changing the life at the same time I want to share my journey as well with you guys if you wouldn't mind as well I will try to bring you true value is all I connect with you is all because I felt is fantastic for me said in that interview with these amazing guests because they are actually amazing they inspire me every single day they made me grateful in everything the hive I have so much abundance of the more I listen to them the less excuse I make about my own life at the same time morning gauging my wood it's is all because if it wasn't for you guys we wouldn't be where we are today so I'm gonna leave it there I'm gonna as always thank you all for listening let me know how you found this episode let me know the kind of topics that you're interested in because I have got quiet avoid is aware when this time to go and %HESITATION I'm so we keep to its core it's about finding your voice as a metaphor as I said every single person this is actually my first one of let you record the video as well sometime in and you tell me to keep it nice and roll so I least you can see you guys I'm not perfect I'm still on this journey as well I'm still out here right models story find your voice was just the first thought in block and I just feel every day I get more more confident if I make a mistake it's my mistake all takeout accept it the wall do is honor from the experience I'll be better for it in the future I'm brief so I'm not no guys over thank you all once again if you do you get a chance to drop us a review on which is a must to be help if you can share it with somebody else getting massive help I will love you for the rest of my life you can as always thanks for listening and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Find your voice - Episode 23 "She's just a normal girl" by Kelli Doorne #23

Tagline: "Even when times are tough, she still believed that kindness was her super power and that's what got her through... " - Kelli Doorne

Kelli Doorne, has finally found her voice, and I am the first to say YES!

Kelli bravely, opens up and shares her story of how she left home in her teenage years and became homeless. Realising that she was opting to run away when things got bad during her young years, Kellis fight of flight response never saw her stand up take account and fight.

But things have moved on so much because, even as a struggling teenager who couldn't find her way in life she always relied upon her Kindness and believed deep down that this would supersede all her problems and see her through. In agreement with her thoughts, we both emphasise what a better place the world would be if we could all just be kind to one another and help each other more often, because it's the right thing to do.

On a final note, knowing how much courage this took from Kelli to openly come onto the podcast and share her story I want to acknowledge her for her bravery, for the work she does in Milton Keynes and wish her all the best in the future.

I also would urge you all to follow her journey but just don't tag her into anything that is related to Octopus!

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com

YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y

Links to guest:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kelli.doorne

Have an awesome day & #JustDeuit & #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host Aren

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so firstly I just want

to begin once again by saying thank you

to every single one of you who have

taken time out of your day to try and

listen to our episodes I hope you find

them inspiring and motivating and I hope

they at least add some level of

information or tangible actions and

steps that you can incorporate in your

life now moving on to today's episode

again this is somebody who I think is

perfect for this show it's somebody

who's struggled to almost find her voice

and somebody who has suffered with some

level of adversity but also in terms of

just sharing her story up until today

she's found her voice and alongside that

she's also in a position now where she

wants to have a positive impact on

people who are perhaps going through

similar situations so this is a

fantastic story with Kelly who suffered

with homelessness and quite a few other

ups and downs as well in her life but

more importantly what I really loved

about this story was how it kind of

segwayed into human qualities and we

ended up speaking a lot about kindness

now I'm not sure about you guys

listening but I personally think

kindness is one of the number-one

attributes that we should all what we

shouldn't be born with really but I

suppose some of us can perhaps learn to

be more kind but I think if you all had

that in the back of our heads in all our

day-to-day actions I think the world

would just be a better place so without

further ado let's get this episode on

its way so firstly I just want to

welcome Kelly to the show today and I

want to thank the listeners for tuning

in

so Kelly how are you doing today yeah

good Erin thanks thanks so much

have me you're very welcome you're very

welcome so Kelly I'm myself actually we

both had a couple of drinks over the

weekend I had in mind 48 hours before

and you can probably still hear it in my

voice but Kelly obviously sounds much

better than myself so it's great to have

you finally here

we have had to rearrange a few times all

my fault that's all right well I'm just

glad that you're here today because I

think your story is going to be very

inspiring for a lot of people and I

think to get it started basically what

we can do is if you wouldn't mind is

just give the listeners a little bit

about yourself a little bit about your

journey your story and what basically

brings you on the show find your voice

today all right okay well first of all

it's absolutely terrifies me

but the reason I'm on here today is I am

using my story of when I was homeless

when I found myself homeless at 16 to

raise awareness and money to support a

local charity that goes a long way to

helping the poverty and homelessness

situation in Milton Kings I'm quite a

private person really but sometimes you

just have to use what you've got in

order to get results

so I guess my my journey starts really

in Nigeria which is where I was born I

was born is there be no quite a loving

family and but my dad was an alcoholic

and we went through some some troubling

times but the most of what I remember as

a as a youngster really was my mum and

her strength not not too much about my

my real dad and we I have another sister

and a brother who's disabled mum had a

lot on a plate and we spent a lot of

time why spend a lot of time kind of

being ferried about between my Nan's

house and my mum's house and kind of

having two homes I guess mm-hmm so he

yeah eventually mum kicked dad out for

there for the final time and we we moved

quite

few miles away to be moved up to Newport

Pagnell which is just on the outskirts

of Milton Keynes that stage of my life

was where it is interesting I felt

really ostracized out of place and

different from everybody I'd grown up in

in London my mother in North London and

I felt a bit rough I felt like so rough

around the edges and all my new friends

had pretty long blonde hair and there

was me with like brown spiky hair and i

felt quite different but nevertheless we

kind of made it you know we made it we

made it through really my mum my sister

and I um just by keeping quite tight and

but then but then things started to

change and I don't know you know what

your experience offers being a teenager

but actually with the hormones and

changes and friend groups and you know

expectations and all different stuff

comes into your life and at that point I

kind of started to break away from my

family and my sister had moved out and

she was she was my rock my mum had a new

boyfriend

and soon to be married they had a new

baby and everything kind of changed for

me and instead of dealing with it I at

13 I found raves and I started going out

raving instead right so that was really

the point in my life where you know I

start to pay a bit too hard and a bit

too young and it was at a point when I

think it's like 19 3 maybe a little no

not 93 sorry a little bit later when my

my sister was a couple of years old then

incident happened where I thought I

thought that I might have have really

hurt my little sister and I and I

freaked out

and instead of once again dealing with

it and talking to my family

I just ran away and I ran away from home

nobody knew where I was I didn't know I

didn't quite understand it myself

and by just yeah I had to escape so I

ended up sleeping in hostels under a

bridge one night and it was a is pretty

terrifying it's pretty terrifying

Wow but I don't even know to start with

that there's so many things that I want

to pull out from your story there if we

just quickly go on that a last bit that

you mentioned so you were sleeping in

hostels you were sleeping under bridges

how long did this period lasts for well

it's our monastery no don't I can't

quite remember and it's gonna be like a

couple of weeks where I was I had

literally nothing no home no nothing I

was surviving by as I go into the hostel

they give me a cup of tea and a biscuit

in the evening I remember then I had to

go and sleep in these dormitories and

they have like plastic sheets from the

bed and you know I was sixteen years old

only 16 years old and I was actually run

away from home for about six months went

back tried living at home and then ran

away again because but obviously

ostracized myself at that point quite

drastically but the period of actually

like being entirely homeless was

probably a few weeks my first steps

going to the church eating lunch is is

lonely so lonely Wow I mean I can only

imagine I've heard I've heard stories

and we have been very fortunate to have

had somebody who suffered with

homelessness on this show earlier when

we first started and it's even the way

you described it now it almost sounds

horrific I mean even at home in my own

comfort of my own home when when the

heating's low you feel that straight

away so to imagine as a very young

teenager 16 year old having to cope with

that but one of the things that I found

prevalent from your story and a couple

of times you mentioned it was whenever

something was going wrong you were

almost running away as opposed to kind

of facing your fear yeah and the

I want to point that out just for the

audience as well because obviously we've

spoken offline as well and you coming on

this show has has taken the immense

courage so I fully appreciate and I'm

very grateful you're sharing this story

because I know what it's like to have

anxiety to have shyness to kind of find

your voice if we use the cliche and I'm

very grateful that you're in a position

now obviously wiser from the experience

and everything that you've been through

to now use your voice to do the great

things like you mentioned the local

charity that you're now working with in

Milton Keynes which is fantastic because

I'm sure that's gonna help people who

may be in a similar situation to

yourself

on that note though are you finding if

for instance you went through some

adversity today are you still doing the

whole fight-or-flight thing and are you

able to kind of stay there and fight or

you still seeing yourself fleeing from

the situation my my natural stay is is

to walk away absolutely it is to walk

away and I sometimes that's a that's a

strength sometimes you know not fighting

is M is always a good thing not to fight

but at the same time sometimes when

you're going through situations you you

and especially if when you're young you

need somebody to help you face those

problems and I don't think I had the

support structure around me at that time

to help me do that and learn those

skills potentially think that though the

point of why I want to share my story

and it's that what knife wasn't awful

for me it really wasn't you know I was

probably a grumpy teenager hopefully a

little bit jealous that this new fellow

had moved into my house and there was a

baby and you know not the attention

wasn't on me and it sounds really daft

but you know I was a normal child I

didn't get into too much trouble or pop

from going right in I didn't get into

too much trouble but this still happened

it was I was still on the streets and it

can happen to anyone any point in their

life and I think it's important for

everybody to recognize that homelessness

doesn't just happen to drug addicts you

know it doesn't happen to people that

you

you think it happens - it happens to

anybody absolutely I think you just you

said a very important point there so

we're always one decision away from

being the situation that you were there

so I would never see someone homeless

whether they drinking or whatever

they're doing as somebody who is a

druggie or somebody who's got an alcohol

problem I would just see somebody who's

probably just made that one bad choice

and then as a spiral has seen themselves

in that in that predicament or in the

situation so I think that's that's a

really really useful point and you also

obviously you've got the self-awareness

now and that probably comes through life

and experience that you're a confused

teenager you've sinned in an alcoholic

father and and all the impact that

alcohol can have on families especially

up to that extent you've then finally

moved away from that situation only for

then your sister to leave you and then

all of a sudden your mom's found a new

fellow like you said got a new baby then

all of a sudden you're kind of feeling

almost lost and like you said jealous

and I think yes that's probably

something that we'd all be lying if we

said we never fallacy at some stage you

know Aren absolutely absolutely I mean

I had my younger brother was probably

nine years young again probably don't

remember the exact days but I'm sure

there were moments when he's probably

getting all the attention and I'm

jumping around thinking hey what about

me what about me over here and then

again it comes down to your circle so

the one thing I say I was very fortunate

with is my parents sent me to grammar

school not my choice but it's very rare

at least growing up for myself to have

grammar school students who were going

to do crazy things on the night I I mean

the most exciting thing we ever did was

revised for her exams or yeah absolutely

or do a bit of extra studying so I

suppose although at that time I hated it

it's probably kept me from doing crazy

things because I was very easily

influenced as a kid so I'm very very

fortunate for that but I just think it's

nice of you now to be in this position

we're obviously you've learnt a lot and

you said something else I thought was

brilliant it was sometimes it's a

strength to obviously walk away and just

to counter that as well sometimes you

have to fight as well and sometimes we

have to also realize that any adversity

we get through life if we can just hold

on and maybe persevere through that it

becomes a brilliant gift and it becomes

something that will make you so much

more resilient to life because whether

you admit it now or not is it just those

few years

you've lived on the streets and the

experiences that you've overcame it

makes you such a stronger person I think

when you when you look at things I

business it yeah they say

fail fast so sometimes walking away is

the is the best thing you can do but

sometimes you just need to stick out for

that one minute more to get the results

that you want and that happens in both

life and business I'm saying I could

have stayed at home at that point when I

thought I'd hurt my sister and faced it

and I could have just stayed eat living

in a you know in a loving environment I

don't know what my life would have been

like if I'd done that you know instead

of wandering around the streets not

knowing this back in 1996 our and I

didn't know what the time was even and

so yes it's been walking around the

streets at that point in my life this is

silly at the same time from a selfish

perspective if you had stayed in that

loving environment and not going into

this homeless world you wouldn't be on

national today to share your story and

also to kind of inspire other people

because like you said there's so many

other people out there making probably

the same decisions as yourself and if we

can just make them maybe think twice or

maybe understand why they're doing it

because as a teenager sometimes we just

we don't even know why we do the things

that we do so I think that's really

important okay fantastic so you've

touched on business towards the end of

that and you said obviously this times

where we need to just try that one more

time or there are times where we need to

move away what's a day like for you now

obviously you know I'm hoping it's not

under bridges and it's not insurance so

what's a day my life like I've Kelly I

could say that I'm in a lovely warm

loving home again now and I have two

children so they're both teenagers and

14 and very soon to be 16 and and I'm

with my fiance and we're getting married

next year but congratulations thanks

very much and routine for me freaks me

out

I read the word routine like okay this

has me so

much as I probably do have one I try not

to think about it too much I don't even

like the fact that my diary tells me

what to do quite stubborn that's

interesting yeah and but I'm quite

creative I like I like making stuff up I

like doing what I need to do at the time

and going with my feeling and so yeah

the word routine freaks me out

does it bring out your rebellious side

for you think no I just don't want to do

it yeah I just say I don't want to do

that right now I want to do something

else and but I'm sure I have one I mean

I always cup of coffee into first thing

in the morning okay after that it's what

I need to get done rather than what I

should know what I don't set routine for

myself understood and what what do you

do for work and business now and so I do

I am a marketing coach so I coach new

businesses on marketing but I work for a

couple of law firms as well on their

brand and marketing fantastic they'll be

useful for the audience as well

listening okay brilliant so we've

obviously touched on probably your

biggest adversity now in life in terms

of confused teenager finding herself

harmless in a place where we wouldn't

probably wish anyone to be in that

actual moment sleeping rough and not

knowing where your next meal is coming

from well not knowing what the time was

as you said what's the biggest lessons

that you've learned in that experience

that you can share with the audience ask

for help yeah I think there's some of

the things I didn't do I didn't know how

to ask for help

I remember one days that were going into

their hostel and I the person he was

there the night support person turned

out to be my month Mike one of my school

friends mums Wow and I mean I would have

thought that I would have been so

embarrassed like cripplingly embarrassed

but you know what

it wasn't embarrassed I was grateful

just to see a face that I recognized and

I think if I look back on my time I

could have just said to her I need help

you know get me back my family I need I

need something to help me

and I didn't and so at that point then

although you were running away from you

still wanted to come home it wasn't a

kind of a matter of you wanted to get

away from that situation you just he was

almost like a cry for help would you say

yeah

yeah definitely I was just I was so

terrified that I'd hurt my sister at

this point of my life I didn't know for

sure whether she was hurt or not it

turns out that she wasn't turns out that

what I had going on in my head was

completely made-up and she was

absolutely fine but I was just so scared

that I've done something wrong and I had

to that's why I ran away Wow and that in

itself is a lesson I think for everyone

and something that I've probably

experienced more times than most is that

we sometimes overthink things and we

think this person is thinking this other

soar this person's going through this

when really all we need to do is

literally ask them the question is

everything all right

haven't done something wrong and also

owning it and I think this is something

that I've really kind of got to grips on

during my adult life I mean I'm nearly

40 now and so just owning your problems

yes you make a mistake that's okay we

all make mistakes it's like hey you know

some mistakes are worse than others but

you've got to own it you've got to take

responsibility for it and then you have

to either you know resolve it or move

forward you can't let your mistakes keep

you in the in the past I think that's a

brilliant point yeah absolutely take

accountability for what you have and I

think the more accountability you can

take for your mistakes providing that

you learn from and you don't keep

repeating the same ones it actually

gives you a sense of power and I suppose

people will look at you in a different

way you'll look at yourself in a

different way because otherwise you're

effectively you just passing the power

over to someone else and you're almost

afraid to take that so I think that's

that's a brilliant yes exactly

thank you for sharing that okay so

things are going well for you now which

is lovely to hear you've done you've got

a suit to be 16 year old and a 14-yard

and you get married next year so great

news for them and I hope everything's

okay yeah absolutely I hope everything I

was amazing for that but I want to ask

you what's your biggest fear then right

now

octopus is right okay not expecting that

yeah really I can't look I can't stand

up this is I think they're way too

clever and and I think they're aliens

but if you put them aside I think it's

my children and if when my children grow

up I don't want them to reflect on it

and say you could have done better for

us and I just want to make sure that

they're happy secure and that they are

inspired that they are grounded you know

and above all I think kind kindness that

they take kindness in through their life

and I think that's that's my biggest

fear and my biggest challenge I'm sure

you do a wonderful job on that and I

think kindness is it's probably the

number one thing my mom ever taught me

and I'm very very grateful for that and

I think I'm sure you're doing the

exactly same so there's probably nothing

to worry about

but the thing we probably should worry

about is octopus's thinking thinking

ahead now you haven't booked a honeymoon

have you anywhere close to like the

ocean or anything no we are the wedding

is going to take place right in up in

the top of the outs so we're quite nice

and safe from any octopi fantastic okay

I was not expecting to answer I've never

heard anyone say that have you actually

seen octopuses on land that isn't that a

good thing because I'm they can help you

out in the kitchen no point taken for it

taken well at least you're in them

you said the Alps did you yeah I don't

Kelly well well I was sure the best for

next year is are with that and looking

forward to follow you in your journey so

you're doing marketing now and you

definitely sound like you're in a much

better place in terms of your mindset

and your ability to reflect on

everything that's going on in your life

what's your biggest sense of motivation

and inspiration on a day to day basis

other than your kids because I know

you're gonna probably say your kids as

your first answer so let's choose a

different answer actually I wasn't okay

when an my name has been one of the

biggest most their biggest and most

inspiring figures in my life

she's not with us anymore sorry Taylor

and she passed away five years ago

in June by still hear her every day

every choice I make every signs have

went up thinking about that but she was

so inspiring and the way that she

handled herself for the people her

tenacity setting up businesses

everything about her was it was amazing

without trying to put her on a pedestal

she was simply the best person I've ever

known

so she inspires me and motivates me

every single day that's brilliant I love

it um I was gonna say I'm very sorry to

hear that brace it's a lovely message

that you said how you still here and you

take that and I'm sure she's probably

looking down whatever you believe in in

terms of God spirituality or something

but I'm sure she's looking down as she's

very very proud eating at me going in my

head I think if she approves that then

I'm happy if I think she wouldn't not so

much it's probably a brilliant way to

almost act out your days because you're

almost thinking you would never want to

let her down and obviously you want her

name to be remembered in a nice way so

your actions and everything that you do

in the world I mean I know we're all our

own people but I think you're almost

living for her as well if that makes

sense

so yeah I think that I think that's a

beautiful message okay brilliant Kelly

so we are actually moving along very

quickly today and we're actually at the

fun part of the show so this is the bit

where I think you were a little bit

anxious about because I'm gonna be

asking you all sorts of very very easy

questions but I suppose when when the

time is on it can get a little bit

overwhelming but I'm sure you're gonna

be fine indecisive right okay so I take

that back then we might have a bit of a

struggle here but let's see how we get

on

we're gonna do probably 60 to 90 seconds

of just very well I was gonna say easy

but let's see how it goes are you ready

yeah brilliant okay we're gonna go in

three

one okay what did you eat for breakfast

I haven't eaten today if you could

relive one day again what day would it

be Oh crikey that's a hard one and AH I

have two children that's really tough I

think the first time I ever helped my my

baby in my arms I would relive that day

again the first time I ever helped my

baby and I loved it

the ability to fly or be invisible

invisable is sneaky but I think like but

I think I'd like the feeling of flying

some swaying who do you admire most in

the world it's still mine own money or

fame and money your proudest moment I

don't know I don't know I can I pass I

just don't know if we can do a few yeah

okay your favorite food my favorite food

is cheese choice okay

speak or languages or be able to speak

to animals how can you choose like

languages I guess languages if you could

abolish one thing in the world what

would it be and Trump good answer okay

what song best describes your life

what song surprised me hey hi oh I don't

know titles

I could probably hum it you're welcome

to sing it if you want I can't think of

one more pass if you had an extra hour a

day how would you spend it on the sofa

with my fellow Netflix or YouTube

Netflix your favorite TV show ever

friends there's a pretty consistent I

was gonna say yeah I think that's the

most popular answer I've had okay would

you rather not how you will die or when

you were die how your worst fear is a

child probably octopuses they still keep

coming back okay what is your biggest

addiction your favorite place in the

world I would I would say at home with

my family but I also have a particular

fondness for Byron Bay in Australia I

love it that place was amazing

okay read minds or predict the future

read minds your favorite superhero

second oh my god this is named Owen man

named Ironman for sure good choice and

finally your biggest strength kindness

love it love it see that was it too hard

actually bless you actually you're the

first person to have a pass on an answer

though but yeah don't worry the

beautiful thing with podcasting is I

can't edit it out by a flight flight

yeah absolutely you walked away it's

fine

okay brilliant so Kelly the next thing I

want to ask you actually then is it's

about reflection so as we've spoken

about briefly the beginning of this

episode I saw some wonderful thing and

it can teach us a lot it can teach us

how to get to places quicker easier or

with less heartache but I'm a firm firm

believer that the journey also teaches

us a lot and sometimes we have to go

through these circumstances and the

trials and tribulations

so knowing exactly what you know now

with all of your knowledge and

experience if you could go back and

we're going to take you back now to your

teenage years which i think is relevant

to this story knowing exactly what you

know now what would you whisper in the

ears of a young Kelly I think be brave

and be brave and be brave and posture

which was I'm looking for tackle your

problems like deal yeah deal with your

problems don't run away from them I love

that that's fine is that a kind of a

message as well that you'd always try

and teach or your kids as well yeah I

don't know how successful I am in doing

that okay thank you parenting is an

experiment in parenting so firstly

whatever works and secondly I've got no

idea how they're going to turn out so

when they're about 25 ask me that

question again and we'll see if it works

okay fantastic we'll get you back on the

show brilliant okay so suddenly that

actually brings us to the last question

of the day and the last question are

always ask my guest it's about legacy so

if in a 150 years time science fails to

save us all and all that exists is a

book and this book is about

Kelly and it tells us all the weird and

wonderful things that you've done in

life all the things you've achieved and

all your ups and downs firstly what

would the title of the book be and

secondly what would the blurb at the

back tell us about Kelly so it's a hard

one I've been thinking about this but at

the same time I remember having a

conversation with my best friend a few

years ago and about this particular

topic and I think that my book would be

called she's just a normal girl because

even though I've gone through quite a

lot in my time when I the stories that I

could tell you about being homeless

would be would be quite shocking and the

people that I've met and on the way the

the trouble that I could have got into

the trouble I did get into all of that

but I'm just just a normal girl like

there is no different to me than anyone

else so I think that would be the title

she's just a normal girl and with

regards to the blurb on the back um I

would hope the people that read my story

and would say that even though even when

times are tough she still believed that

kindness was her superpower and that's

what got her through I love that I love

it I think spreading kindness is

probably probably the best thing we can

all teach each other and we could all

learn from absolutely I mean just be

just being kind I actually wrote a post

funnily enough about three hours ago on

Facebook and it was it was one of my

first few things I wrote in there

because it costs nothing to be kind and

there's actually a few influences now

there who actually using the whole

kindness thing as a sort of as like a

buzz word but really shouldn't just be

something that's installed in all of a

sudden Wow from day one yeah I wish I'd

written my LinkedIn profile buyer

actually goes through all of my core

values so independents adventure

curiosity connection strength and growth

and and then at the end of it it says

well what about kindness and the way

that I address is is it should just come

as standard absolutely it shouldn't have

to be someone's core value it should

actually just be live that's what we

should do we shouldn't have to learn it

yes it's funny but I don't know I

suppose we're also in a society where

we're almost firefighting on a daily

basis and where there's people competing

with each other there's a lot of

jealousy there's a lot of scarcity

mindset that I tend to find as well

especially when I started my lot

entrepreneurial journeys and went into

different fields and it's only recently

now started to get myself a very good

network of people who just want the best

for you and when you start living in

abundance and realizing that the more

people you can connect with the more

people you can help and more people you

can be kind to you just you just spread

something that's infectious and and

being now wanting it back I think the

odds of doing without receiving is you

know people need to learn that a lot

more give without wanting to receive

absolutely without expectations

hopefully agree it's funny you just said

that as well because I I was meeting a

develop and I'm going off on a bit of a

tangent here but we were speaking about

this and I was saying that's kind of my

philosophy is the way again I say again

my mom's always taught me just give but

never expect nothing back because one

you probably be disappointed but to you

know give if you're giving someone

something you're giving it them because

maybe they're not in a position to

necessarily help you back so it's almost

silly to expect them to be able to help

you back if that makes sense

so when you give something and you try

and be kind you try and lift somebody up

just do that and just just be nice about

it but don't expect them to help you

when they can barely help themselves if

that kind of makes sense and I've always

just seen it that way so I've been very

fortunate people now start to help me up

in my business and at the same time I'd

always try and reciprocate that with

other people as well so I think I think

Kelly that's a beautiful message and on

that actually I'd love it if you could

not only share your LinkedIn profile for

the guests but also where else you'd

feel comfortable with people reaching

out to you if you wouldn't mind maybe

after this show because I think you're

more than just a normal person how you

described yourself on the front of the

book it's it's been a lovely

conversation with you I'm glad you're

almost finding your voice and I know we

spoke about this previously on Facebook

very briefly and it's got a lot to teach

people you've got a lot that they can

learn from you and I just think you this

has been a lovely chat so I really

appreciate you for that and I'd love to

pour all your reachable social media

outlets onto my show notes if that's

what

yeah that'd be fine these if isn't

business the one place that I would like

people to go to is a Facebook group okay

so it's called one-man brand but the

point of it is and isn't just about you

know having my group it's about having a

hive mind so it's about bringing your

skills and your expertise and helping

other people within the group so if

you're an accountant what what

information can you give to other people

that was going to help them and show

that you're an expert in your field as

well so that's that's what I'm trying to

achieve so anyone in that relation can

go there fantastic I think that's

brilliant I think that's something that

literally every single person listening

to can probably join on to because we

have to acknowledge it but we all

probably Excel in certain areas more

than others and I think it's about

recognizing that so I think that's

brilliant the hive mind thing are you

happy with people contacting you on

Facebook or should we just keep it to

the Facebook group for now yeah I'm open

I network and speak to anyone that wants

to anyone that wants to speak back yeah

brilliant

again I'll run and just thank you one

more time for coming on for overcoming

your fears it's been fantastic to hear

about your stories been very inspiring

as well and also I want to thank the

listeners at home thanks for listening

thanks and remember this podcast is

absolutely free so all we ask in return

is for you to share this with a friend

and drop us a five star review over on

iTunes have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Find your voice - Episode 21 "Using exercise to help your Mental Health" Michael Hayes #22

Tagline: "What's for you, won't pass you" - Michael Hayes

Michael Hayes, is one of the most positive, infectious people I have been fortunate enough to have connected with during my time as a Podcaster. A genuine individual who focuses in his own time on promoting positive links between mental health and exercise and whilst spreading authentic, honest and tangible messages through his social media platforms.

Michael does not do this for any monetary reasons, but since seeing those close to him suffer with mental health he made a choice to use his expertise in health and fitness and promote a positive link of enhancing not just your physical well-being through exercise but also improving your overall mental health.

Our first Irish/Aussie on the show who proves that real messages and honest advice is the same across the world and if you want to ensure you get genuine advice his story is definitely worth following. Michael also admits to having suffered little adversity in his life although when you finish this episode you would probably agree that even if he was, or had, he would not have seen it as a burden or adversity and likely just smiled his way through it.

All the links to follow Michael's journey are below and a final note before you go check that out, which I think is worth mentioning and came from his mother is: "What's for you, won't pass you".

I urge you all to follow his journey and support him on making a positive difference in the world of fitness and mental health.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com

YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y

Links to guest:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mentalhealthfitnesscoach/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mentalhealthfitnesscoach/

RU Okay: https://instagram.com/ruokday?igshid=r9o8sro81bv3

Have an awesome day & #JustDeuit & #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so I am delighted to be

able to bring to you today Michael Hayes

otherwise known as the mental health

fitness coach now Michael is irish-born

but now living over in Australia and

what he has done is he's taken a passion

of his ie personal training but he's

linked it very very closely to something

that we can all relate to mental health

now the way he links mental health and

fitness is fantastic and it's probably

not what you're gonna expect especially

from somebody who now operates on

Instagram not quite the influencer that

he will be one day but Michael's

messages are incredible and I certainly

urge you after this episode to engage

with Michael and follow him on his

journey because alongside he's worked

with mental health and exercise Michael

is also just a very very positive person

in fact he's probably the most positive

person I've had on the show and I say

that after interviewing so many

incredible guess he's infectious he's

got a great aura about him and all he's

trying to do is make you guys feel

better both physically and mentally so I

think without further ado let's jump

straight into this interview okay

firstly I'd like to start by welcoming

Michael Hayes to today's show and I want

to thank Michael for taking time out of

his day to come on and share his story

and secondly Michael I just want to know

how are you doing today my friend yes

really good yeah just back from work so

settling in for the night now how about

you how's your day been yeah my day has

been good so it's early more I say early

morning is 10 o'clock here so my day is

kind of starting

for anyone listening you can probably

tell from Michaels voice straight away

that he's not got this amazing Brummie

accent that I have he's actually from

Australia so it's our first Australian

guest on the show so again I'm very

grateful for that

I think to get this started Michael if

you wouldn't mind if you can just kind

of tell our audience a little bit about

yourself a little bit about your story

because hopefully that way you'll give

them an insight in relation to yourself

and also give them an understanding as

to why I reached out to get you onto a

show yeah absolutely and I'll just start

off by saying that I'm actually Irish so

I've I've been in Australia for the last

seven years so I'm after getting a bit

of a twang since I moved here so I like

it I get some serious grief up everyone

from home when when they hear just what

anyway yes

yeah I've been living in Australia the

last 7 years so I guess I run a an

Instagram page and a Facebook campaign

type thing called mental health fitness

coach so I'm pretty much peachy turned

into just someone that's trying to get

people to exercise for for all the right

reasons I guess so for your your mental

health is sleep for your mood to reduce

stress and to not look at it from you

know I want to get a six-pack or I want

to you know the quickest way to look

good on the beach or things like that

just getting people to take a step back

and say you know this is more there's

more to exercise and to and to fitness

and just how you look or you know the

material things it's there's a lot more

to it a lot more deeper things that

people should be focusing on that

unfortunately in this day and age they

don't tend to be so that's where where I

am and that all came about for me I was

true my work I was doing this 30 days of

exercise and for 30 minutes for 30 days

of exercise for your improved mental

health and through that process I was

doing just my own Instagram post and

putting things up this was before the

time of mental health fitness coach so I

was just posting things off about my own

30 minutes of exercise each day and

putting little snippets up about the

benefits of exercise your mental health

and putting some bits up also about

encouraging conversations around mental

health and through that 30 days I got

lots of feedback from

my own friends and some really close

friends as well as my family and some of

my immediate family about struggles

they've had with mental health and this

was things that I had never known so it

was a big wake-up call and surprise to

me at the time when you know I was

putting these things I would thinking oh

yeah you know it's it's great for people

to exercise remember heads but meantime

I was going on not realizing that a lot

of people close to me had suffered or

were suffering with their with their

mental health so that was at the

beginning of it all for me you know it

was a real big eye-opener and from there

I just kind of thought at the time I was

a PT and looking after a gym and kind of

I look I'm in a good position here where

some people look to me for that fitness

advice and I'm sorry my former top looks

at me for that fitness advice and this

is a time where you know I'm a person

that yeah that people look to and I'll

just put that positive message out so I

started to mental health fitness coach

and it was all about just exercising for

the right reasons and it's about three

years ago now and you know back then the

the fifties and all those things were

you know at the big thing now it's booty

bends and all that and you know it's

just it's just not the reason that

people need to be exercising like you

know it just just do it for it for

yourself and for your mood and your

relationships that's that's the big

message that I try to just send out to

people and I've been doing that now for

the last yeah coming on three years now

a mental health fitness coach and it's

not really anything that I'm doing for a

good monetary sense it's just trying to

get that that message out there and so

far I think of impacted quite a few

people just through my own post if I can

have a positive impact on a few people

and that's great and if it means someone

goes out and does it hurt him in a walk

every day where they wouldn't have done

anything before and that that helps

their their daily life then you know

that's fantastic and that's kind of what

I'm hoping to achieve through all of

this that's fantastic mate so we're

first I just want to acknowledge you for

that as well because I think it's an

incredible thing that you're doing

you're encouraging people to exercise

for the right reasons so I was a fellow

PT I similar to yourself I share the

same

views that we shouldn't necessarily

exercise for that six-pack or how we

think we should look I the Instagram

model life and it is again it's my kind

of way of releasing my tensions

throughout the day it helps with mental

health myself so I think I love that

message about it but I also love and

what you touched on is that you've

managed to encourage conversation

between your friends and family who have

suffered with this mental health in

their own personal lives and I think

that's that's a testament one to

yourself that people can obviously come

out and speak to you and feel openly

comfortable about that but I think it's

something that as a society across the

world in Australia England wherever we

are

is that we need to encourage that

conversation about mental health and I

just think that's a fantastic thing and

this is one of the actual reasons that I

reached out to you specifically I seen

your messages and I just thought this

would be like a really good person to

come on and the fact that you don't do

this for the monetary sense it is to

give back it is to get value I really do

urge my listeners at the end of the show

to jump on your Instagram page and see

the messages that you're having on that

no I just wanted to ask a bit of a

personal question if you wouldn't mind

as well is Michael have you suffered

yourself from depression or are you

simply doing this because you see the

value in helping other people around you

yeah good question no I haven't and I'm

one of the lucky people who yeah I've

never had any any issue really with any

mental health whether it be depression

anxiety mood swings

anything at all so I've been I suppose

quite privileged in that sense and

that's where I'm a really really

positive person and always have been and

any because of that when I did this 30

days of exercise for 30 minutes for 30

days and I got all this feedback for my

friends and family that was when I

thought oh shit like you know I'm living

this this great life thinking it's all

good and you know I've always really

just exercised for myself and in my own

mental health how I'm feeling but all of

a sudden I was like this is actually out

there it's real and you know people are

suffering cos I've gone through my life

thinking you know everything's great you

know everyone's happy yeah nobody's okay

just like uber positive almost at a

point where I was unable to see that

this could be

happening in other people because I

suppose my own positivity blinded me to

what might be happening to others and

and I would always I would always look

to the well neither no they must be fine

that they I'm sure they'll be okay and

tell myself the good happy story but and

yeah it's really just the last few years

since I started this and moved to

Australia and I've really started to

notice this and you know thank God I've

noticed they could you know now I I'm

much more conscious of my own mental

health so when I do go through any modes

or anything like that I understand

what's going on and yeah so no luckily

for me I've never never been impacted by

any mental health things fantastic and

hopefully continues that way and you

just said yeah thank God that you

noticed it and I think definitely thank

God or whatever you believe in that you

have noticed it because now you're in a

position where you're able to help

people learn almost lift them out of

this very dark space and I say very dark

space because my mom suffered with

chronic depression for the best part of

the last eight years and prior to that

again probably similar tell you when you

first started I didn't understand mental

health it was like what have you got to

be sad about got this to look forward to

it was only recently over the last eight

years I've really kind of tried to

understand men to help myself and it's

funny that you're almost doing what I

wish I had the time to do which is

linking one of my passions which is

fitness and the other one which is I

hold very close to my heart mental

health because obviously it's affecting

my mom and you link in the two together

so that's kind of why I resonate towards

your story a lot because I'm like in

another life if I had a bit more

flexibility and a bit more time and may

if I could live in Australia as well

that would be an added bonus I would

literally be doing the same kind of

things as you so I want to ask just on

something else that you touched on there

if you wouldn't mind yeah you've always

been this happy positive person now

before we've had this show we spoke for

the best part of a minute and within a

second of seeing your face on on skype

you were you were smiling you were happy

and I was like this is gonna be a good

interview I knew straight away because

you were good vibes off almost instantly

what are the careers and stuff have you

done throughout life or what do you

think is the reason that you've always

just been happy or is it just literally

your mindset has just been programmed

that way I reckon yeah it's just my

said and it's yeah it's just the way

I've always been you know I had

extremely good parents and a really

great family there's five kids in our

family and you know I'm the youngest so

I was always supported and you know

showing Sean the right road and yeah I

guess it's just how I've always been

like I don't know any other way than to

put a smile on and have a chat to people

that I don't know and you know if

there's a top conversation that's needed

to be had with like say my staff or

someone's going through a hard time like

I'm always happy to get in and and not

things I would people but yeah I think

it's just the way I've always been it

it's not any one particular thing that

happened that you know maybe this

positive person it's just yeah lucky for

me I had a really good upbringing and

it's just the way I've been that's

fantastic man and long may it continue

because the world could definitely

benefit from more people like yourself

just to kind of spread a bit of sunshine

so yeah that's also to hear okay so

what's a general day-to-day life like

over there in Australia for yourself

yeah and I'm the same as you I love

habits and I think the biggest thing of

me is just trying to be consistent

around the good things that I do so and

I suppose I might actually answer it on

a week-to-week

that's all right yeah absolutely the

more relevant to what I do and so really

like usually on a on a Sunday or

Saturday our leader have a mental think

about what's going to happen in the week

after and I've got a spreadsheet that

I've been working off now for the last

year and a half where I scheduled my

training for the next week and so I know

exactly what I'm gonna do

Monday true to Sunday but one of the

things that I found really good for

myself to keep myself consistent with my

exercise and I'm a runner so I love to

run and so one of the things that I did

wanted a very very first thing that I

did was started pack run and I know you

guys have Perricone you know the weekly

x 5 kilometer runs yeah so that was that

was one of the first things that I

started to do me My partner and fiance

know we started doing Park run and for

me I know every Saturday at 8 a.m. on

that pack run and I'm running and that's

that's what I'm doing I think

that's a tenner 11 over in the in the UK

and I was like a little bit sleepin

create a in there but for me I know that

that's what that day is so I've tried to

build my my exercise and my running

around just habit and consistency so

Saturday is always packed on Tuesday I

run with a run Club in in part and W a

called frontrunner sports performance

and I do a Tuesday 6:00 a.m. every

single week with those guys and then I

do what R is a fight in every single

week with those guys so I kind of know

like whatever happens in life unless

something goes completely pear-shaped

Tuesday Thursday Saturday I'm running

and that's what I'm going to do so

that's one of the things that has helped

me get that consistency for probably the

last almost going on a year and a half

now probably but running in the last

year with the front runner guys on

Tuesday and Thursday and and obviously

massive improvement in my running from

that and I'm not a person that you'd

look at that would say yeah he'd be ok

at running but because of the habit that

I have of doing it every week I've just

gotten a little bit better every single

month throughout the last couple of

years and now I'm a decent runner

whereas people would look at me and go

oh he he can't run that faster he can't

do that or a lot of people always get

the question you know how have you

improved so much it's literally it's

consistency like I started to go in once

a week to Peregrine's and that's what

probably did that for three or four

months it was just once a week and then

think I sure would choose to era wins

they ran them session in there and then

it became that the Tuesday Thursday and

they're just ingrained in my daily or my

weekly routines now and so that's a big

thing for me as part of every week and

then the rest of the week from a month

at Friday I'm full-time job on my health

and fitness coordinator for local

governments in parts so and that's what

my general nine-to-five so I look after

the gym and our group fitness programs

in our community classes and I actually

love that and one of the very very very

lucky people that can say I actually

enjoy money learning and getting up and

going to work and there's

you know obviously everyone get sick at

work at time from time to time but

there's very occasions that I'm actually

not happy to go to work or be at work so

and that's my job and through the week

and the rest of the week is family my

fiance and the dogs and that's that's

her yeah that's brilliant man I suppose

you've almost found what many of us are

trying to find and you know we always

hear people getting sad on a Sunday

evening and they got work in the morning

and you've almost kind of found your way

so it's nice to see that you're having

that and you also touched on some

brilliant points again which was it's

all about consistency and one of the

things I always say is obviously we our

resort of our habits so I think that

going back to your 30 minutes a day

there I mean it's a day in the grand

scheme of things I thinking we're

excited to like two percent a day if we

can just get people to do that as a sort

of habit initially and then if it has

the effects of improving your mental

health on a long-term scale I think

we're on to a winner so on that point

alone have you got access to a sort of

30 day plan or is it's just something

that people would need to kind of go

back into your Instagram and follow into

my Instagram and follow and you know I

don't have any 30-day plans or anywhere

that I suppose that the main thing for

me with people and I've had with the gym

that I work at I've had many many

interactions with people about you know

what are they going to do to get

themselves fit and healthy and I went

through a period of weight gain where I

didn't realize I was gaining weight but

I got up to like 115 or 16 kilos but

over the last three or four years since

I started running I'm back down to 90 so

I've had a big weight loss and period

and a lot of people asking me about you

know what should they do and you know

what exercises should they do for for

this muscle and you know should I be

going how many times a week should I be

going to the gym and how many reps did I

do and how many said should I do this

exercise and I always say to people and

even when people come to a gym like do

you enjoy going to the gym and if the

answer is yes then it's like yeah yeah

okay in you go it doesn't matter what

you do pick exercises you like thick rep

ranges you like it accept ranges you

like and do that

because you're only going to be

consistent at the things you like and if

someone comes into our gym and says oh

you know I actually quite like working

out in groups send them straight to

group fitness like if someone came into

my gym and said I hate gyms

I hate group fitness classes I'd send

them straight back out the door and tell

them do something else because there's

no point in them coming towards to do

something that they're not going to

enjoy and they're not going to say

consistent that because you know you

can't sign up for a gym or an exercise

program or sports team if that's not

something that you actually enjoy like

anyone who wants to get fish you need to

do something that you enjoy and that you

can keep doing for me it's running and

occasionally lifting weights so I do

lots of running and a fair amount of

weightlifting and that's what I love

doing and so for for people like you

know if you're looking for a 30 day plan

or whatever it might be that are looking

for they need to just look into

themselves and go what I like to and

I'll you know we live done living in

Australia so there's lots of outdoor

activities you can do so someone loves

stand-up paddleboarding or golfing or

gardening or whatever it is you know so

that wasn't it that and see that and you

know make the most of that because

whether or not it's 2 percent to your

day or however long of your day it is

that you're doing this exercise for you

want to be doing something that you

enjoy and yeah it's there's too many

people and this especially with gyms and

group fitness classes and things like

that

they do it because other people do it

not because it's something that they

want to do they see someone else getting

results doing that exercise or they god

forbid they go on Instagram and they see

the top six exercises to get awesome ads

and they do those exercises and realize

that they haven't been it's really about

having a thing to yourself of what do I

enjoy doing and if you don't know what

that is just go and try a few things go

to the gym go to an outdoor class join a

sports team join a join a running club

you know try things out and whichever

one it is that you you think you enjoy

that's what you'll be consistent at so

go do that Michael I love that answer so

two things I want to point out firstly

this is why I want people to follow your

page two

learn from yourself and all these little

nuggets that you just thrown in there

but another reason that actually love

the answer is because you're confirming

everything I've been preaching myself

for the last time right so mainly

because you agree with me because I have

four pillars that I always say are my

sword when I work with my clients I

would say if we can add a to these four

pillars and they are enjoyment

sustainability consistency and hard work

and I think as long as you have a

mixture of all of those so the enjoyment

side which is literally exactly what you

explained so I think that's a really

really important point you said their

consistency we've already touched on

sustainability again if your enjoyment

and consistency are on point it's going

to be sustainable if they're gonna keep

it going

and obviously I think there is an

element that people think they don't

have to work hard and you touched on

their this the ABS exercises get abs in

three weeks by doing this it doesn't

really work like that because there's a

bit more science that goes behind it but

great answer mate and again I'm

consistently plugging your channel

because it would be nice to get the

audience to see it from a different

perspective somebody on the other side

of the world almost doing the exact same

thing and making such a positive

influence so I appreciate that answer me

thank you yes

okay so the next question is are you

gonna be quite an interesting one

because a very happy positive person but

what I want to touch on is adversity and

I use adversity in all of my episodes

because I want people to look at things

or change the perception of things and

just know that whatever situation you're

going through however difficult you may

feel it is in that particular time is

there's always a way out of it if you're

willing to persevere through it so I'm

hoping you've been through some

adversity and I mean that in the kindest

way possible me because I'm not smiling

now on the other side of it but could

you maybe take us back to a time where

things were going as well as you maybe

hoped or you went through some adversity

and how you overcame that and then

finally the lessons that you learned

from that if you wouldn't mind yeah

absolutely and yeah I haven't gone

through a massive amount of adversity in

my life would that's it I you know I've

had plenty of tougher harder times that

I've had to go it was the one for me

that

so tis so obviously I'm living in

Australia I'm came here from lard and so

about three years into when I was here I

was am working in a job and this job was

going to sponsor me to stay in the

country and just before my sponsorship

went through I reckon two weeks before

my sponsorship was all gonna go true and

everything was going to be sweet or

Center closed down and yes so the

sponsorship went out the window pretty

quick unfortunately was not sure any

fault of the employer that's the way

things went down so and yeah just just

when I thought I was yeah I'm said I'm

gonna be in Australia nothing to worry

about

got my sponsorship that'll get me my PR

we're good to go

everything kind of just set out out of

nowhere literally out of noise but I

honestly don't look back now on that

time as a time of adversity or a time

where I was under massive stress because

for me at the time I was just alright

well this has happened no matter what I

do I can't really change the outcome of

what's happened to and to the center

it's that's just the way it is so the

the first thing that I was doing was

looking for I would I need a job so I

went and saw myself some work and I went

back to construction work and that was

fine and and then it was just playing

the waiting game to see when when this

Center was going to get back opened up

see if that sponsorship was still on the

carriage and and I've had a think I

think I had four months until I had to

go home legally the contrary so yeah and

I it was it was going to be a little bit

more time until they got the centre open

and they had some roof issues that they

had to sort out so there was a lot of

construction to go on and like just but

true luck that whole period I just kind

of kept on to them and said you know

when can I get back in is it going to

happen isn't it going to happen and

there for a while there wasn't a whole

lot of talk backwards and forwards so I

just kept doing my construction stuff

away and and eventually I got back into

work and I got this I got sponsored bush

I suppose the big thing for me through

that whole

time was well look if I get sent home I

get sent home and that's just the way

it's gonna be in and I always had in the

back of my mind that it's going to sort

itself out one way or another whether

it's through work or whether something

else comes up or you know whether I get

it I think there was the option of a

partner a partner visa with my partner

at the time so you know there there was

options there and I kinda just didn't

let myself get too stressed to the

census you know I was worrying about it

all the time and just kind of got on

with things as best I could and and

luckily it all worked out and yeah I'm

just I'm still here now but it was yeah

I just kind of keep it that positive

attitude towards this and then yeah it

worked out in the end but uh I think a

good a good quote and I'm gonna call my

mom of all people in the world yeah for

this was a sudden my mom sold me heaps

of times Trudy years Witter is going for

a job or it's going to interviews or

anything that I'm racing or whatever I

was doing she'd always say what's for

you won't pass you so you know if at

that time if it if it was for me to stay

in Oz and you know to go on to be where

I am now then that's what it was going

to be if that's not what how it was time

to work out then something else will pop

up that would be you know just as good

or better

so really it's you know anytime we do a

job interview or anything like that or

especially if I don't get a job

I always think well that clearly wasn't

for me so if it was I would have got it

kind of yeah on to the next thing

that's fantastic me then it's funny you

said that quote and I resonated with

this straightaway because my nan so she

doesn't speak English but she speaks

Punjabi but these direct words that your

mom says she says the same quote so

she's a very religious person and she's

always had that philosophy sure but

actually she's starting to remind me a

little bit of yourself and I mean that

with utmost respect because she's always

smiling she's always happy and she's

been through a hell of a lot of

adversity in life but she's always

saying you know whatever's meant to be

is meant to be if you meant to have

something come in your life will happen

if you're not you're not so I think

that's a brilliant way and it's probably

what

kept her going so long so very wise

words from my cause mom so appreciate

that me do you have that do you have

that quote in your grandma's words I

you're testing my Punjabi haha yeah yeah

maybe one for our line may I try and get

you a translation I don't wanna

embarrass myself live online yeah yeah

huge you won't be too happy with my

pronunciation but yeah if it is exactly

the same but I think that's brilliant I

think it's a testament to the way that

you think always got that positive

outlet you're always looking at things

as in just the way that I wish

everybody's in it rather then me if I'm

completely honest five years ago would

have seen that as oh my god the whole

world's falling down I'm so close to get

my sponsorship it's almost falling their

minds I would go through the rephrase

you're just kind of got that in the back

of your head so consciously you're

thinking it's all gonna work out and I'm

really glad it has so in this current

situation now things are going well for

you what scares you in life do you have

any fears and do I have any serious it's

a good question and I don't think I do

like you know I if anything I'll worry

about other people more than I worry

about myself so I'd you know I kind of

want to make sure that I was good with

with my close mates and my fiance and my

family and you know some of my sisters

are pregnant at the moment so you know

it's the only things I worry about her

are all those guys and you know checking

in and then to make sure everything's

going okay but now personally for myself

I don't really uh kind of hold strong

similans

mums advice of you know if it's for you

won't pass you and kind of keep keep

pushing forward and yeah if that's a

good answer

no not absolutely my absolutely

definitely so are you telling me you're

not scared of all the again I'm speaking

as a Brit here we hear all the stories

of the snakes and the spiders in

Australia

does anything like that ever scare you

or ever hear of a red back a red back

spider not very little that little

spiders with a red back they're pretty

fierce looking they're they're small

small little things we get lots of

around my house we get tons of them so

there's lots of and he has brain spray

red backs around here but no of my hair

funny the way my brother-in-law was is

scared and worried about coming over

here and sitting on a toilet boner and

water being underneath it when he catch

you for the yeah look lovely that's them

it's pretty unlikely and I've never come

across too many snakes any more a rod I

guess if I was to say one thing I

suppose on on fear and it's not really

fear for me but it's just for again for

other people it's the current age of

social media and the influence that

social media influencers have you know

so many people are drawn in by these

influencers and you know they take what

they're saying for fur gospel almost and

you know they they you have people

buying these fit tees and you have

people buying to these 30 day programs

and all these detoxes and you know

there's lots of people that are preying

on people's fears and emotions and

getting to sign up to these programs and

to be honest it's a real big issue and

it's what is one of the main reasons as

I said in my page was just to have an

alternative option of the the quick

fixes and things like this because

there's so many people that and

especially at our gym and and you know

friends of mine and I see other people

putting things up like everyone thinks

that these things work and that there's

you know there's something to it pushes

you know a quick quick thing gonna so

ferrets it's it's a worry the the

current state of the fitness industry

online you know that I think the fitness

industry in Australia on the ground

level is really good and really positive

and there's lots of people doing great

things but the the online influence of

people who have no experience in health

and fitness is yeah extremely worrying

hopefully with people like you and

things that I'm doing you know it yeah

the common sense approach will will win

out in the end

absolutely may I think you just hit

something that again I resonate with is

find it so annoying that these

influences are in a position where they

have so much impact and they're just

been unethical and they're not being

authentic in their message and they're

selling these cookie cut programs or

they're saying you can look like me if

you do this in six months and I'm

looking at him and I'm like you're

obviously on something that's not

natural for example you've been doing

this for 15 years and you're just trying

to almost manipulate people and to

believe in it and it's not just the

fitness industry to be honest so I'm

involved as a property investor as a

full-time occupation and even within

that there is a massive massive market

of people and the shame is is that they

have so much influence who prey on

people who are in an almost like a

desperation phase and when you're

desperate you're almost clinging on to

anything and it's just reassuring to

know that there are people like

yourselves out there who have this

amazing energy about you and you just

honest and authentic and this is a

reason I do my show it's to give people

a voice who aren't influences who I

genuinely believe can make a positive

impact on the world because I genuinely

believe if my audience however smaller

is or however big it grows follows you

they're gonna get authentic information

information that and I don't mean this

because I say similar stuff I mean it is

because we understand the basics behind

it and it's nice that you're trying to

make an impressive but it's funny isn't

it because on one end we're looking at

these influences and thinking that the

way Instagram and Facebook and stuff is

it's it's almost damaging to people's

self-esteem Ament to half but at the

same time we also need it to preach our

message and to get our voice heard to

try and help people absolutely so yeah

yeah it's a funny one so what is your

motivation then moving forward for your

business is it to enhance your voice to

get out there to impact more lives or do

you have another underlying motivation

behind the word that you do yeah look I

just want to keep doing what I'm doing

you know every one person that I thought

I impact positively is you know it's for

me that's that's the ultimate goal is

just to have a small little impact on

people's lives whether it's someone

starts doing it you know a tiny bit of

exercise that they've never done before

or whether it's someone else has a chat

that I made about the mental health who

they think isn't doing so well you know

I just want to keep pushing the message

out there and

as far as I'd like to get a little bit

more active on social media given your

full time job and this is just something

I do on the side I'm probably not as

active or putting out as good a content

as I'd like to at the moment but I just

want to keep keep growing the the

audience and make sure that the message

is reaching as many people as we can and

you know maybe one day start podcasting

or doing something similar to what

you're in here and chatting to people

about their own experience of mental

health and Howard are our only

experienced mental health exercises has

positively impacted that and which yeah

for now it's kind of keep going as we're

going yeah absolutely

I think you'd be an amazing advocate for

both mental health and fitness so if you

do get the time and capacity later on

absolutely doing if I can help in any

way in terms of like setting up a

podcast or anything please do reach out

and I'll try my best to help you buddy

not a problem that a stress so we're

actually at the the fun part of the show

now this is the part where I'm gonna ask

Michael all sorts of weird and wonderful

questions let me know when you're ready

and we're gonna hit the time wrap then

we're gonna get started it's not okay

we're gonna go in three two one

okay Michael what did you eat for

breakfast nothing if you could really

live one day again what day would it be

oh the day I met my partner the ability

to fly or be invisible invisible who do

you admire most in the world and oh god

that's good question I've no idea

do I admire most in the world oh geez my

mom I love it when your fame mmm money

your proudest moment

dropping on one knee your favorite food

hates it speak or languages will be able

to speak to animals or speak to animals

100% if you could abolish one thing in

the world what would it be

oppression what some best describes your

life there is a song that I can't think

of it don't worry be happy whatever that

song got made that is a hundred percent

you

okay if you had an extra hour a day how

would you spend it with my partner

Netflix or YouTube Netflix your

number-one goal this year have a

positive impact if you could sit with

one person in the world for an hour who

would it be

rock your worst fear as a child these as

being too tall I'm 6 4 but I've been

think forces I was around 6 Wow okay

what is your biggest addiction Netflix

and finally buddy read minds or predict

the future read - love it ok that's the

end of the quickfire round so we got to

know especially when you've got like no

time to think as well so I was just

interested yes it but yeah some good

choices there everyone loves pizza and I

think I haven't found anyone yet who

doesn't like the rock ok but it's all

we've got fine or 2 questions now we're

coming towards the kind of end of the

show and the next thing I like to always

ask my guess is more about reflection so

I am a firm believer that hindsight is a

wonderful thing in terms of it teaches

us a lot he teaches us how we can get to

places quicker easier or with less

heartache now knowing you now as a

person you're very positive and you

haven't been through I suppose that much

adversity but if you could perhaps go

back to a younger michael hayes knowing

everything you know now and whisper

something in that may be uncertain young

version of yourself what would you say

and mental health is real I'd like to

have known a lot more about mental

health and being able to make an impact

earlier I think yeah absolutely I think

the world would have benefited so much

as well if you knew but I'm just

grateful I'm sure people listening to

this are as well that you're making an

impact now and on that note we are

actually on our last question of the

show and the last question again I

always like to ask all of my guess it's

about legacy and if science fails to

save us all and all that is left is a

book and that book is about Michael

Hayes and everything you've achieved in

your life and all the great weird and

before things that you've accomplished

firstly what would the title will say

and secondly what would the blurb at the

back tell us about you and the title

would say keep it simple stupid the back

would probably go along the lines of and

this bloke managed to convince everybody

that the simple things done consistently

and with a little bit of hard work make

all the difference I love that I love it

mate thank you thank you for sharing

that I think just that title alone would

definitely make me pick up the book just

to kind of think about the last

fantastic okay Michael so just before we

end the show I want to give again I've

been plugging it all the way through

this episode I want to give the audience

a chance to follow you on your journey I

think you're a very infectious positive

person I've really enjoyed this

conversation

you've got me out of my seat I was a bit

lethargic this morning had two cups of

coffee but I'm thinking about the rest

of the day so if you could tell us where

our audience can find you and what I'll

do is I'll play all of that together and

I'll put it into the show notes because

I believe you're gonna do incredible

things and you already are so far away

mate oh my cheers thanks for that and

yeah so on Instagram it's at mental

health fitness coach and Facebook just

searched mental health fitness coach and

I'll pop up on both of those I'm

actually on YouTube as well as mental

health fitness coach and there's a few

interviews that I did in the past and

one of them was with the CEO of are you

okay which is a company - an Australian

company that's are encouraging

conversations around mental health and

that's quite a good one to go and look

at and that's actually a really good

resource for anyone in the UK as well

and who are you okay just the letter are

you and then okay and that's that's one

that yeah it's probably one of the best

ones that we have in Australia so for

starting conversations and how I start a

conversation with a friend and what to

say

and it's a unbelievable resource so I'd

go check that as well be a bit

mental health fitness coach everywhere

else is where you'll finally fantastic

and we spoke I think earlier this week

you've also got another podcast so I

don't normally plug another podcast into

this but I think it'd be really nice for

people to get to know even more so what

I'll also do is I'll put that in the

show notes as well or are you okay in

there as well because again this is

something that I'll follow personally

Michael it's been an absolute pleasure

thank you for your time today and for

everyone else at home thanks for

listening today thank you and remember

this podcast is absolutely free so all

we ask in return is for you to share

this with a friend and drop us a five

star review over on iTunes have an

awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.