Find Your Voice

Find your voice - Episode 21 "From Surviving Rape to Finding Her Voice" - Hannah Power #21

Tagline: "Embracing adversity is the biggest gift you can give yourself" - Hannah Power

Hannah Power shares her story of being tragically raped having been abducted by 3 men whilst on holiday and discusses how the adversity and nightmare she suffered has now given her a new lease of life and purpose. She is now 100% committed to ensuring other rape survivors no longer become victims for the rest of their lives.

Alongside this Hannah Power is also known for her branding expertise as she urges people to find faith and confidence in themselves to really bring out their unique gifts which they can offer to the world. With her assistance she helps people 'find their voice' and it was for this reason we had to get her on the show.

Hannah's mindset is one that we can all take valuable lessons from without hopefully going through the same pain she has been through but it is now her light that shines so brightly we can all benefit from.

I urge you all to follow her journey and support her on making a difference in the world.

Thanks for listening

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Have an awesome day

#JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so firstly I just want

to begin by saying this is a very very

sensitive subject and if anyone finds

speaking about this difficult then I do

have to warn you prior to starting this

episode now conscious of not making it a

doom and gloom ii episode despite the

horrific events i've gone on we have

taken a little bit of a spin on it and

rather than speak about the stuff that

hannah has so bravely spoken about to

the papers already we look at more of

the things that she's doing today

because Hannah's an incredible soul

she's somebody who's been through an

unbelievable amount of adversity as you

can see from the title as you probably

know from her story already

she was horrific ly raped by an

individual when three men abducted her

what she was travelling and I mean I

said it before the show started I didn't

have the words or I wasn't confident in

myself of saying the right stuff during

this interview I no actually mentioned

this to Hannah prior to the show started

but we both have the same goal and both

our goals and both our visions and

dreams is to help people out there find

their voice so I also felt it would be

an injustice if I never took on this

story and shared it with the world

because Hannah for one is somebody who

doesn't want people who have gone

through the same situation as her to

suffer for the rest of their lives and

be a victim forever

and again the premise of this show is to

help people find their voice find their

way find whatever it is that sparks them

in life and move forward irrespective

and the cards that you're dealt with in

life so I think without further ado I'm

gonna jump straight to this one I really

really enjoyed this conversation with

Hannah she's an incredible person she's

now doing amazing things working with

entrepreneurs you probably noticed by

the name as well

her mom was on last week as well and she

again is a fantastic individual I'd

certainly recommend if you haven't

checked that episode out please do go

back and check that one out as well and

I think you'll realize then there's

something special about these power

ladies so without further ado let's get

straight into this okay welcome to the

show and firstly I just want to say

thank you to the guests for tuning in

today and more importantly our wonderful

guest Hannah Paula who has agreed to

come on and share her story slow Hannah

how are you doing today I'm great how

are you I'm very well thank you I'm

really eager to sort of get this going

so for their purpose of their listeners

who are here today could you please just

tell us a little bit about yourself

a little bit about your story and I

suppose what brings you to where you are

right now sure so first of all thank you

so much for having me it's a real

pleasure to be here you're very welcome

so where to start so I am 26

I graduated from University with a law

degree in 2014 and started working in a

big corporate consultancy called

Accenture and six months into working at

Accenture I I went on holiday to visit

some friends in France who want a ski

season and while I was over there I was

raped by well three men picked me up in

the car and one of the men raped me and

they dropped me back off back in the

town after and the reason that that

story is important to where I am now and

the reason that I start with it is

because I had you know I've had a very

fortunate upbringing from a lovely

family and had a very sort of

traditional I guess middle-class journey

through school to college through uni

and then into a graduate job and I was

sort of following a relatively similar

path to all of my you know all of my

friends and my colleagues and peers and

stuff and then this huge spanner got

thrown in the work

of my entire life being completely

turned upside down and and entering a

world which is completely new to me and

was which was completely new to me and

completely awful and you know confusion

and complete loneliness and it really

you know it would change the course of

my life because obviously it wasn't

something which I was that I knew how to

deal with and it and it pushed me off a

path into you know a really big struggle

and trying to understand really you know

the world and why bad things happen

because once you've seen the awful side

of the world it's so hard to you know to

unsee it and I was happy in my job but

it wasn't really doing it for me I

wasn't fulfilled and I was living in

London and I was doing the whole

commuting thing and it just didn't you

know on the tube it just wasn't doing it

for me so around the time of sort of

struggling with you know the healing and

trying to get through it all I was also

struggling with you know alcohol and and

struggling with lack of fulfillment at

work I decided to you know quit

everything and move to Bali and I'm to

Bali at the beginning of last year 2018

and I kind of went on this year of I

guess discovery in every single aspect

of it of life of business of healing of

spirituality of everything to basically

recover from what happened to me and to

work how you know what my purpose was in

this world and what impact and you know

what what my going to do with the rest

of my life and you know now I feel

grateful but what happened to me for

giving me that that sort of accelerant

into where I am and yeah it's been a

huge journey but now I'm focused on

supporting others who've been through

something similar and supporting people

more generally to find fulfillment in

their lives and not settle for less and

settle for a rubbish life but to go

after a life that they really love and

are proud of and are excited about I

think that's amazing

I think just before we touch on that

last bit there which is incredible and

that's kind of they I suppose the most I

know about you so I've checked out

website and stuff and it's not just

limited to people who have suffered in a

similar situation to yourself you've

almost found this purpose where you just

want to help as many people as possible

but obviously just before I go into that

I don't want to kind of leave it as the

elephant in the room and I spoke prior

to us speaking about this that it is a

difficult topic because I don't come

from a counseling background nor do I

want this episode to be some level of

counseling but it I think anyone

listening to this it's going to fill him

with a mixed level of emotions I mean

for me myself it makes me sad I feel

embarrassed on behalf of the male

population I think you know there's this

level of anger how one human three human

sorry could do that to another human I

mean I just find how people can just

justify their actions by hurting other

people it really does touches a nerve to

be completely honest with you and that's

probably why I was nervous before this

show but I'm just I suppose I mean in

the very short amount of time that we've

had this conversation obviously we spoke

previously I've learnt so much I suppose

about myself in terms of my own personal

development and trying to change my own

perception because what you've just done

and how you've just explained your

journey and how you sin this darkness

and you've almost found it as you're

actually grateful for it now I think

that I think that's remarkable and I

think in a very short amount of time as

I said just knowing you I'm very very

proud of you for that I'm grateful that

I'm able to have met someone like that

because it teaches me so much and I'm

sure it's gonna teach our listeners as

well so much about once you sin the

darkest parts of the world you're almost

now they're trying to almost line up

everything around you and I think I

think that's beautiful

and I want to take it actually into that

beautiful space if that's ok with you

rather than dwell on that situation

which has made you the person you are

today so you're now in Bali which from

Instagram now are you back in UK ok so

you've kind of found yourself now you've

had this year of discovery this healing

this purpose can we just touch on what

exactly you offer to easy clients your

class amazing yeah yeah so and I I've

always come from a sort of a digital

technology and marketing background and

I've always been very I've always worked

really a lot in personal branding so you

know getting yourself known online in a

you know as a leader or as somebody

who's known for something I think it's

come from my parents have always worked

in the internet and you know they were

one of the first people into this whole

world and what I what I realized by

moving to Bali and sort of building this

life that I love was that the reason I'd

been able to do all of these things was

because of the fact that I'd invested

and grown my personal brand so when I

moved out to Bali

it wasn't that difficult for me to get

work and my first you know my first

remote job and then for me to then start

a business which was an agency and fill

it with clients because I had invested

the time in creating content and being

known online as being somebody who knows

what they're talking about so by having

this personal brand I thought I realized

that oh my god this actually gives you a

huge amount of opportunity then after

that side of things when I decided this

year to to you know go public with my

story and try to create an impact and

help other people again because of the

parity of the internet and because I

built this following and had a sort of

personality online I then was able to

have enormous impact on others so I

decided you know I I think that you know

building a personal brand of being known

online is an integral thing to do if you

want to you know live a life which

fulfills you and have a positive impact

on the world so I you know this is what

I do to my clients now I help them to

really define their message and build

their their brand online I'd establish

them as leaders in their fields you know

and prepare them for having an impact

you know prepare them to have an impact

so that's what I do and I think it's

difficult working in personal branding

because there's a lot of in overlap with

you know there's sort of the negative

connotations that come with being an

influencer but what actor is not about

you know it's not about the influencer

side of things of you know when people

come out of these reality TV shows or

anything like that it's about somebody

saying look this is me this is what I'm

really good at this is I can you know

this is what I love to do and this is

how I

can support other people through it and

and helping those people to become

leaders online because I think the

opportunities that open up from open

doors from doing that are huge and

literally never-ending so that's why I

do what I do and I work with my clients

on a one-to-one basis and at the moment

I'm gonna start building a group program

to support people on that journey that's

fantastic I'll have to get the details

for that and I'll put it in the show

notes afterwards for anyone who's this

now who would love to reach out to you

and I think just under personal branding

so it's something that I'm trying to I'm

more conscious of a suppose and I'm

trying to build my own and I'm sure many

listeners are as well but you also have

an advantage of having the most

fantastic surname ever I think that

certainly house but I'm I just wanted to

touch on something there so try and wear

this the right way so obviously you have

a personal brand now you're Hannah power

and you help people find their way

become leaders online do you ever think

or do you just try to think of the right

ways are you against being known as the

girl who got raped or is that just part

and parcel of that of the story and

something that you're happy to be

accepted for however you have so much

more to give to the world and I think

that I think the reason I'm public about

being raped is because of the fact that

it's such a secret crime Thanks it

causes a lot more harm by keeping things

a secret than it does by talking about

them that's true in every form of mental

illness or anything really that happens

we all know that secrets aren't really a

positive so the reason that I am open

about what happened to me is because I'm

not ashamed of it it wasn't my doing of

quite who I am so it's a part of my

story and it's a part of me so that I

don't want to a keep it a secret because

it is a part of me but secondly I want

to inspire others unfortunately with

rape there are a lot of people that are

raped in their lifetime and it and it's

it's huge it's like it's a secret

epidemic that's going on I mean since

I've shared my story the amount of

people that have reached out to me some

of them that I actually even know quite

well we've been through something

similar is actually unbelievable I mean

I've got friends close friends male 4

whose girlfriends have told me they've

been raped but they haven't even told

their boyfriend's yet because it's such

a misunderstood and confusing messed-up

crime that people don't know how to deal

with it so by me talking about and being

open about it I just want to break the

secret if there's if the secret can go

we can talk about it we can deal with it

we don't have to be ashamed of what

happened to us when it's not something

we cause if I punched you in the face

would you think it was your fault no you

would but with Ray for some reason

because of the fact that we're not able

to cope with it and deal with it in

society we feel that it's on us so do I

want to be known as the girl that was

raped no I would like to be known as

more than that but is it an important

part of my story and am i proud to be

somebody who has got through that and

wants to inspire others absolutely

because once you've got through

something like that there are very few

challenges that the world can throw at

you that you aren't able to handle and

for me that's an incredible power and

strength in every challenge I take on in

my life whether it's a new business or

whatever it might be I am completely in

complete confidence that I can do it

because I always can say to myself well

Hannah you've done worse I love that I

just think like you just said you should

be very very proud of that having

overcome that and I think should be even

more proud that now you've your sole

purpose in life is almost to help other

people and I think you'll do incredible

things and I think sometimes a lot of us

in life we kind of go through life

almost not knowing what we actually put

on this earth for and that's kind of how

I've always seen myself so I was always

an academic at school and I was always

kind of being pushed from Normal School

to do grammar schools to universities

and any and I always felt like this

isn't me that there has to be something

else and we touched on it briefly before

this episode how it took a massive 18

months of adversity my life to really

completely change me and sometimes I

always say I don't want any of my

listeners to go through any an OST for

that for their life to change but

sometimes it's necessary it is I think

the people that have been through pain

if they can use if you can use it

properly and you can do the work I think

it's it opens

opens you up to to finding your meaning

but of course you wouldn't wish on

anybody else but some of the happiest

people I know have actually been through

the worst absolutely and least happy

people I know who struggle with anxiety

and day to day issues have actually had

a real smooth ride and it can take a big

knock to to push you onto the right path

and that's why I feel so fortunate to

have had that happen to me at a young

enough age to be able to go to know that

every day I wake up that you know I'm I

mean I know exactly that I am where I'm

supposed to be and have huge faith and

excitement for my future absolutely I

love it I'm actually just really happy

that you're in such a great place now as

well as I'm sure you and all your family

and friends are as well and and you hit

the nail on the head there I think when

people go through pain or adversity in

life they've almost reached a level of

darkness where you can't see any light

especially in that moment and I think

when you kind of crawl out of that hole

however you want to imagine that then

any sort of light almost brings you

gratitude and happiness

yeah and fulfillment and I'm kind of

like that so the smallest things I will

be grateful for on a daily basis and

hearing stories like like yourself and

from whether guess it really does put

things into perspective of how fortunate

you all are and how limited our time is

so it's amazing that there's people like

you now who are just really trying to

help other people find that papers as

well so I think that's fantastic

and thank you again for sharing that so

what I want to know now is could you

tell us a little bit about your routines

your lifestyle today in terms of how you

manage to maintain this almost solid

mindset and how you manage to keep

persevering through life have you got

any daily habits rituals but meditation

practices and also really good question

actually because yeah I mean I first got

into kind of healthy like I guess living

when I was 22 in terms of being you know

really disciplined with my diet and

exercise I am have got an ovary

condition which causes me to gain weight

really quickly so I have to be really

diligent with my exercise and my site

you know I put on weight quite quickly

and things like that so I've always

since being 22 I've always been

very conscious of the fact that if I put

bad things into my body then I feel

rubbish so I know that if I eat like a

load of chocolate or something it's not

going to make me feel good and so from

it like a diet next size point of view I

guess I'm that sort of pot that's the

sort of natural habit I already have and

so I don't require the discipline of

that anymore but I would say hey you

know to get to a habit stage you have to

start with discipline and I think some

of the things which I sort of had to be

disciplined with in barley were

definitely things around yoga and

meditation and almost just generally

taking time to breathe and just act so I

would say that in terms of a daily

practice I I don't meditate every day I

really want to get to a point that I do

what I do do every day morning and

evening is I like a little candle and I

do which is in front of a sort of it's

not a Buddha it's like a sort of a yogi

figure thing and I do sort of give

gratitude to the universe and and say

you know I give you know I am on a path

and I and I trust you to lead me on it

so I guess some people to call that a

prayer I don't I don't mind I I just

call it sort of a moment of gratitude to

the universe and I do that every morning

and evening so I say that's a daily

routine I definitely plan to be much

more disciplined with my yoga and

meditation every day the other thing

which I would say that has had a

humongous impact in fact it's probably

one of the biggest decisions and

life-changing decisions I've made so far

is um quitting drinking alcohol in July

last year so I would say that without a

shadow of a doubt that is one of the

biggest enablers of the reason that I am

happy positive achieving everything I

want to be achieving supporting people

who I want to support and just generally

my sort of balanced mood I don't really

get you know I don't get those low

anxious moments really anymore I don't

I had the alike was diagnosed with PTSD

soon after the rape and I would say that

they're probably the biggest thing for

me in terms of

when you've asked about sort of daily

habits and sort of lifestyle stuff for

me the biggest thing for me is is the

non the no alcohol

that's fantastic thank you for sharing

that so I think the moment of gratitude

thing that you do is is beautiful I I

don't do it twice I should probably do

it twice I think I do always try and

stay present so the yoga thing again

that's always a trait that or the

meditation bit is always a trait of

successful people so yeah it's really

useful the alcohol once it's an

interesting one because like yourself I

get almost after say for instance a

heavy night of drinking going out on a

social the next day I have this really

weird feeling of almost like anxiety or

regret or just feeling absolutely

depressed I think you got from one

extreme of a high almost is such a low

and then I have these thoughts that for

the next 24 hours I'm really not the

kind of person that I want to be

perceived as so I'll call something I'm

trying to myself pasty knock in the head

obviously another health benefits of it

I'm not a drinker in terms of our drink

every single week but I fully understand

that because I was going to ask you a

question in relation to was the alcohol

linked because you started drinking post

rape or I would say that when I when I

first ever started drinking at parties I

don't know when you're what like 14 15 I

was never particularly good at kind of

managing my alcohol in time so I was

kind of a go hard or go home type crazy

so I think a lot of people are I think I

was a bit insecure when I was young and

I think I used alcohol as a kind of

confidence booster at parties and things

like that when I after the after I was

raped I think I think the thing is

because your mind my mind was just in

this whole crazy world it wasn't even

like it was my mind anymore it was I

become somebody else and the alcohol

being in that sort of drunk state almost

gave me a connection to who I used to be

I know it sounds really weird to say it

like that but it was almost a freedom I

got to leave the mind of this girl who'd

been raped who was in pain who

struggling who was lost and move into

being somebody else and I think it did

give me just like you said it gave me

high high

because it gave me a break and then it

gave me very low loads but actually

those low loads that went off and when

you know you start to do the work so I

would say actually although I would say

I was probably abusing alcohol I

actually wouldn't take it back again

because I think it helped me to kind of

deal with it the reason I ended up

putting a hard stop to it was I ended up

having an accident while I was in Bali

and breaking my shoulder and I ended up

in hospital for six days and I then

ended up for another week after that

dealing with the sort of side effects of

being on a really strong like a morphine

type pill which they sort of give you

willy nilly when you're in a kind of

developing country and I it took me a

while to return to being normal again

because of the the accident the alcohol

and then this drug and what's it called

oxycodone and after that I basically

thought you know what not only am i

potentially going to really harm myself

if I carry on drinking but actually if I

keep losing these days our days of my

life I mean this was two weeks but if

you're losing I was losing and maybe one

or two days of productivity a week to to

being to being tired or being anxious or

being hungover actually I'm not going to

be able to achieve everything that I

want to and know I can in my life I'm

actually not going to be able to do that

I don't have enough time to waste on

this poison there's no spare time and to

waste the day being hungover in the day

after that being anxious and the day

after that getting back on track I

haven't got the time in my life so I

decided that actually I loved myself and

I was more excited for my life more than

I then I needed the alcohol so I made a

decision that I was going to stop and I

listened to an incredible book by a guy

called Alan Carr who's this this this

addiction guru and it's a six and a half

hour audio book I did it in a day the

day before my birthday and I woke up on

my birthday as a non-drinker

and I have never ever touched a drop

drop or wanted to since that's

incredible

could you tell us the name of that book

yeah it's by I'm his name's Paul and the

books

the easy way to stop drinking he's got a

load of books he's got a smoking book

and a sugar book and a gambling book but

the drinking one for me was the one that

I was always really worried that I would

feel a sense of you know you know loss

that I was missing out on things and I

would always sire it and what Alan

Carr's book does is it sort of it

removes the desire so you no longer want

it it would be like me saying to you

what you know 10 o'clock at night would

you like a really strong cup of coffee

you know you just wouldn't want to say

no that's what I want right now and

that's you know I know that it would

make me not sleep and it's you know

whatever to me it just immediately

removed the desire I mean I went from

being a pretty big drinker to literally

even the smell of like a beer made me

feel like a bit sick literally after

reading this book and for me I never

wanted I never preached to people you

know when they say say like a lot

everyone drinks around me I'm not like

not like telling people not to drink but

if people say to me Hannah what's you

know how can I achieve what I want to in

my life and start my own business or

whatever I say well the first thing you

need to do is is drink less because you

know knows that it doesn't do anything

positive to their lifestyle and their

goals absolutely Aarthi I think you've

hit the nail on the head there there was

something you mentioned it turns up

insecurity and anxiety and that's

probably one of the reasons I think I

first started drinking as well as a

teenager I haven't been shy and anxious

it was kind of the only way to get on

the dancefloor the only way to feel

confident around other people so

absolutely and it's conditioned into

what I mean if we just if we didn't have

Apple and we were just forced to push

through those those embarrassing awkward

moments when you're sort of you know you

spotty or whatever because you're 1516

and you kind of you know you're not you

sort of fancy people and they don't

fancy and all that stuff that happens to

us when we're young if we just had to

push through it like we did when we were

kids but what happens is you get told by

somebody usually older than you that

there's this magic potion that takes it

all away the rest of our lives we

associate whenever something goes wrong

with the magic potion when actually the

magic potion tends to be causing a lot

of the stuff that put us there in the

first place so my dad got cancer last

year and he stopped drinking as well and

neither of us drink now and he would say

the same I mean

it's just you know it's it's just he's

your and better because of it and yeah I

mean again I you know I'd never preached

it but for me is definitely one of the

biggest things that I would post what I

would ever attribute any success in

terms of you know financial or just

general in a call happiness is that

that's a fair point I think just before

I carry on and I'm sorry to hear about

your dad as well in relation to the case

I hope everything's fine yeah with him

just quickly then so not to make this

about an alcohol podcast episode but um

have you managed to change your circle

are you still able to associate yourself

having read this book in the same kind

of circle that you were in previously do

you know what it's so funny because I

thought that everyone was going to be

really freaked out by it you know be

like oh my god you're so boring or

whatever and I was so shocked by the

reaction a most people are like oh my

god that's so cool I wish I could do

that be the other thing I realize is

that when I hang out with my friends and

things like that and family they

actually like seeing me because they

know that they don't need to drink when

they're with me so that means that

they're not going to be hungover the

next day or they're gonna feel healthier

so I think coming to see me is like or

spending time with me it's like almost a

break from the pressures of drinking

when actually a lot of people don't

actually want to drink as much as they

do it's a lot of it's just because of

routine and habit and the people that

they're with so I mean I I have a lot of

like non-alcoholic alternatives so I've

got non-alcoholic red wine and Prosecco

and beers and gins and things like that

so if I hang out with a friend you know

often I'll be with even a boy when he's

eight having a beer when he's with me

he's very happy to have like a

non-alcoholic Peroni and just tells me

how much you like I would say that about

11 o'clock at night when people are

getting really drunk I tend to point to

head off just because I like to wake up

early and go to the gym or read or

whatever I'm quite an early riser so I

don't really see the point in staying

out late so I don't see out as late as I

did but and partly cuz also being around

drunk people when they've been drinking

for a few hours becomes a little bit

ring because

start to repeat them separate you tell

you all their secrets they don't really

want you to know when they're messy and

so I mean my cycle is stayed completely

the same and I don't know maybe people

do have a problem with it but I've never

I actually found it a lot easy I thought

I was gonna have to really prepare

people for it it seems to me that

everyone's just fascinated by it and

kind of wants to do it but it's just

sort of like doesn't think that they can

I think I've sort of become you know

amongst some of the people I know this

kind of weird enigma they're kind of

like well one minute Hannah was one of

us and then she moved to Bali and now

she's doing all this and how she talks

about praying and she doesn't drink

alcohol and I think she's kind of I

don't know I think people just sort of

think well I don't know she seems really

happy so maybe we should be doing all

that stuff yeah so no I haven't had to

change my circles to sum up that's

brilliant so you've managed to keep your

circle and still hang out and I agree

completely as well with the whole 11

o'clock thing I think we're both early

rises and up and to find that this is

why I think a lot of people struggle

with Mondays so you hear the whole world

moaning that they're gonna go to work on

Monday yes it's probably the fact

they're in a job that they don't like

but I think the other thing is Friday

Saturday Sunday their sleep patterns are

completely yes and what's happening is

they're almost in a jet like kind of

phase so along with obviously limited

alcohol and health and stuff I always

say sleep should be like a massive

massive priority as well so I like I'm

like a baby like I have to sleep a hell

of a lot I was reading my friend shared

an article the other day that apparently

they're now proving that the kind of

hustle the kind of hustle mentality is

being replaced by being like the most

successful people actually rest a lot

which made me really happy because I

like I don't normally need eight hours

and then like a half an hour nap in the

afternoon because I wake up so early I

start working about 7:00 in the morning

or sometimes yeah about 7:00 so my

brains been pretty and my brain gets

quite tired by about three o'clock in

the afternoon I have to have like a

little 20-minute catnap so it's cool

that sleeping in business it's that

cool to rest now rather than like

hustling your way through to 11 o'clock

at night every night so yeah it's

interesting

just on that Hannah resolve there's a

book called sleep smarter by Sean

Stephenson I'll send you a link to it

afterwards it's inaudible and he's

actually done a lot of extensive

research into sleeping hence why I now

have blackout blinds I'll make sure I

try and sleep at exactly the same time I

turned off my phone

they're 40 minutes before going into bed

yeah have a look honestly it's it's a

fantastic but can you really does open

your eyes because there's links actually

between your productivity of being drunk

and being sleep-deprived and it's almost

the same right yeah so in an office

space you probably see people who have

not drank the night before but not slept

popu you're probably not as productive

so somebody who comes in absolutely

hungover so it being in barley because

barley and the like the Sun comes up at

5:00 and it goes down about half past

6:00 so the whole day's almost starts

two hours before it does in the UK so

not barley like where I was living is

quite buzzing at about 7:00 a.m. and

then by about like 9:30 10 o'clock like

it's pretty quiet apart from like the

holidaymakers so I think I just really

got into this way of living because we

in barley everyone sort of living around

the Sun because people surf early in the

mornings it's better waves so yeah I

mean I think it really works and it

means yeah yeah it's really I mean it is

totally crucial sleeping is crucial I

think it's great I think you've

obviously not just developed your mind

now you start to look at even physically

as well it's gonna obviously benefit you

yeah I think we're getting awareness and

self awareness is almost addictive

though isn't it like it certainly is

yeah because I know that I can fix

something if it and make I can

constantly improve myself like if I

notice something I'm like oh hey what's

that right let's dig into that let's get

that worked out like what do I need to

do there like I was actually looking at

it earlier and I always find around the

25th of the month is when I get quite

like I saw that's when I need really to

have more time off and then when I'm in

the kind of early stages of the month

like the price to the seventh I'm in

total like knowledge mode I just want to

consume content

and then I think that I'm quite creative

in the middle of the month so I'm always

just getting more and more awareness

around myself so that I can you know so

that I can do the B and flow as much as

possible so I guess it's just that

awareness yeah is addictive so I guess

sleep is just falls under that bracket

doesn't it absolutely brilliant okay so

another question I wanted to ask you now

hopefully again this this gives the

listeners a lot of value because other

than your routine and how your practice

in your daily life now which is going to

obviously give them great value going

back to the adversity and not to jump

into it too much in relation to that

horrible event that happened to you in

France what one lesson would you tell

our audience I think for me it's the

importance of having faith in the

universe I really I've never been a

religious person and I've never either

or I also you know I haven't cast myself

as a spiritual person but from reading

everything that I have read and watching

everything I've watched from business

you know business II really hardcore

business books by like people like Grant

Cardone to really kind of hippie woowoo

universe books by people like Gabby

Bernstein the biggest thing that

underlies for me that's underlying these

these books are people that are

successful and happy is that they just

have faith that everything will work out

and it's happening the way that it's

meant to happen and that we're all on a

par and as long as we you know we we

fulfill the things that we should be

fulfilling that really you just have

faith in what's coming towards you you

can't you can't prepare for the things

that happen you can't prevent them from

happening but as long as you always keep

faith that there is light at the end of

the tunnel and that there is that things

happen the way they're meant to happen I

think you can get through pretty much

anything so I think yeah that would be

my my number one lesson and I would say

a really big turning point for me it

sounds a bit nuts actually but I

basically towards the end of last year

got really

obsessed with watching films about World

War two I don't I don't know why I just

think I just that atrocity just I was

just fascinated by I think and the

strength of everyone who came through it

and I watched that film

The Pianist have you seen it I've not

seen that my life was totally changed by

that film and it's because there is this

man who loses his entire family his all

his friends everything he knows his home

and everything like that

and yet he is still fighting to survive

throughout that whole film okay I

haven't given it away because that

happens right like really okay it's

still fighting to survive because he has

faith in whatever whatever their

whatever it is that he is fighting for

exists so we because survival is the

strongest human instinct and that is

faith that is that's what makes you for

perhaps that want to survive in faith

that there is a reason to do it if you

didn't have the reason to do it you

wouldn't do it so for me what got me

through is knowing that you know that

there was there was gonna be positives

in the future I was gonna get through

this so I'd seen people struggle through

awful things and come out the other side

so for me the biggest lesson would be

finding faith if you have you got it you

need to find it whatever it might be

whether it's for me it's just the

universe I think in the way Gabby burns

he talks about it in the way that she in

her in her books and her teachings is

just about having faith in the universe

having faith is something bigger than

yourself and most people do have that

and it's just about then trusting that

that I think is what gets most people

through huge pain and challenge and for

me that was the biggest thing for me is

that faith and I know that it will carry

me through my entire life is having

faith in that path and the world that's

bigger than me I love it I think that's

a that's a brilliant answer and it's

actually something that's brought back a

memory to myself of actually my first

ever episode so I did an episode with my

very very good friend Kevin Dillon he

was blind from a very young kid in one

of his eyes through meningitis and again

he's got brilliant attitude like

yourself he's up he's all about helping

people always a very positive person and

his mindset always got

faith in things are always gonna be

better and he he actually said a quote

and I mean uh this this episode was a

long time ago but I can actually

remember it because he says believe in

God or believe in yourself or believe in

the universe but just believe in

something because if somebody doesn't

believe in anything they'll always be

lost it was really powerful and it

always made sense to me because I

suppose I can't I'm kind of an atheist

if I'm completely honest in terms of I

don't really necessarily believe a

religion or anything like that but I do

have a kind of spiritualist side to me

where I think there's obviously

something out there or at least that's

what bigger than myself and you hit the

nail on the head there he said something

bigger they knew so almost giving faith

and a bit of supposed control to that

thing knowing that maybe that's going to

get us through it I think that believe

that as humans because we're built to

survive and we need something some

reason are supposed to kind of keep us

going well I you know I think at the end

of last year I think I was having I mean

I laugh about it because I was I was

living with a big load of people at bi

and I was living with this one guy

called Joe who's from the UK and oh my

gosh I think about him I think he must

think I'm so nuts because I think I was

having existential crisis for the month

that he was living in the villa with me

and he'd get back from like a day of

like I don't know a day of like surfing

and co-working and he'll be like how was

your day and I'd be like yeah it's good

so what do you think the meaning of life

is because I was like really trying to

understand I was like yeah so I'm

wanting to understand why bad things

happen I was like I've been through this

I would hear more stories it was almost

like I was taking on the whole world's

pain like somebody would talk about like

plastic in the ocean and I was just

crying because I was like the world is

so awful and then it just I just kept

sort of delving into this and I was

watching all these films about the

Holocaust and just I was just literally

like I was literally like hurting myself

with pain because I was so wanting to

understand why it exists and and the

point of it and the point of life if

there is all this pain why do we bother

does it make sense me and then and then

they had this lightbulb moment with the

pianist film and then with reading a lot

of what Gabby Bernstein talks about and

a lot of the kind of yogi teachings and

staff from Eckhart Tolle stuff

of this bigger thing and it's it's not

something you need to put your miss and

you just have to know that it's there

and we do all know that it's there

because whenever I ask someone you know

do you believe that there's you know do

you believe in anything and most people

say I don't they say I'm not I'm not

religious but I do believe that there is

something bigger out there in the

universe pretty much most people do say

that and I think that you know you don't

have to label it as anything you just

have to know that it's there and that it

and it's taking care of you and once you

release your your you'll panic and worry

about the future and where you need to

be and this and that and the past and

everything like that and you accept that

your path is your path and you just

follow it my god it's so freeing I mean

that to me is total freedom I spent a

year trying to find freedom by being in

Bali you know what is freedom is it it's

about being location free as if I'd been

financially free is about being time

free I think it's just about being free

from the crap that's in your head and

just going well it's gonna work out

eventually you know it always does and

that and that is what the journey is of

life and I think the second you can

enjoy that and embrace it you're going

to enjoy your life and find that freedom

that's brilliant I think freeing

yourself from the crap in your head is

what I want to do to be honest and I'm

sure people listening to this can

obviously relate to that because that is

what it's all about and you said some

stuff there that I was almost nodding in

agreement because I'm like oh my god

that's me so the whole why do bad things

happen and trying to understand why

they're happening it almost consumes you

so we touched right before this I I'm an

emotional person and I find myself

that's why I don't even watch the news

or listen to stories because I'm like

I'll just be sitting there crying all

day almost like using all my energy due

to myself for some reason it was it was

a while I was doing this myself for

about three months

I literally just watched anything I

could that I knew was gonna make me cry

and hate the world because I just needed

to understand it otherwise I didn't see

the point I was like what is the point

there has to be a point and then I lost

the penis and I was like well there is

definitely a point because he survived

when he had basically in my opinion

nothing to live for yet he still

survived which means that whatever kept

him alive exists because it literally

defies the point the reason it defies

everything in my opinion the reason he

survived because it doesn't make any

sense anyway it was basically I'm

basically talking about my existential

crisis which I had at the end of last

year and I read books I don't know if

you've read a man's search for meaning

by Viktor Frankl but all of these things

I was just going all in and trying to

just get it I was like I'm a bit of a

fast person so I'm like look if I've got

to get through this I need to go all in

and get it done fast so I think I just

put myself an accelerated path o of

consciousness and understanding and then

came out the other side with this

completely different mindset and I mean

yeah life's you know never looked better

because I think and then you just have

that awareness where you feel yourself

slipping from it like last week when I

was feeling you had these overwhelm

moments where I was thinking oh my

goodness you know there's a lot going on

here and I've you know I've taken a lot

on to just kind of catching and going

well don't worry Hannah you know it's

gonna be fine you know you know just

just up you know do a bit more praying

like a few extra candles whatever it

needs to be have that food and having

that faith and then the second you

return to that faith and and that and

that you know coming back to laughs you

you're fine so yeah I mean I think Gabby

Bernstein stuff is really fantastic

I think she's she's she's well she's

well regarded but I think she should be

like more more regarded like her stuff

is so good I'm also fortunate to know

Jay Shetty I don't know if you follow

him but he's a friend of my dad and we

used to work we work together for a bit

at accenture and I'm fortunate to know

him and obviously he's all about this

this wisdom and so I think I'm lucky

really with the people that I follow and

that I have in my life my cousin has

been my complete spiritual guide over

the last five years who he's just he's

just sent from wherever the greatness

lives that's the most incredible person

in the world and then my direct family

my mom my brothers my dad and friends I

think I'm just I'm just incredible

and that's what I focus on that's how I

you know that's you know I don't think

life's hard you know because I've been

through stuff I think life is incredible

absolutely absolutely

you got you got fantastic knitwear there

actually and obviously in your mum as

well she's she's an amazing lady I was

also just thinking just there as well

when you're talking so I need to

research Gabby Bernstein but Eckhart

Tolle is another one who talks about

this the consciousness and stuff and I

kind of wish he had someone like

yourself to narrate his books because

I'm listening to the audio books in a

funny really difficult relaxing asleep

absolutely I'm driving and I'm like this

is just the hazard his voice is too

relaxing I literally you have to be on

the move on foot you have to like walk

around the garden or something because

otherwise will not last because it's

just do you know when Eckhart Tolle at

check you watch him on YouTube he's

actually like he's actually pretty funny

and he's quite accessible if you watched

him in like short sharp he does these

kind of question answer sessions and

things and you can kind of get his

knowledge in these sort of five-minute

chunks which is obviously much more

accessible you know his books pretty

pretty intense is pretty incredible but

if you just want to grab bits of him or

would just have a question some doesn't

you type in the question you've got he's

got there's a video of somebody else

asking a similar question okay and he's

pretty funny and light which really

surprised me after listening to his book

so much at that I suppose he's probably

made that book maybe not for people who

are just driving and maybe as a sort of

he's kind of encyclopedia of finding I

think it's probably one that should be

read rather than listen to you can be

honest I've got it on my I need to get

it you know I need to get it out and get

a highlighter and all of that kind of

stuff

definitely yeah I can imagine that I'm

sure he's full of like amazing gems

that's brilliant okay so you're in this

place now where I'm very happy that

you're in such a great place then not

just spiritually if you want to call it

that and physically and just everything

in terms of your business business and

moving forward

yeah have you got any fears now I mean

what kind of scares you in this current

moment and okay that it's actually a

really good question I'll tell you what

what scares me is the thought is a

finding like a partner

like her boyfriend or falling in love

okay that's interesting yeah which is a

very operate dancer I didn't if you

expect me to go that honest but may as

well yeah please do can i elaborate yeah

so I think I just not been I guess I

wouldn't say you know unlucky because I

you know as I said I believe that our

path is our path so I think you know

what's happened was meant to happen but

I've not had great luck I guess if you

don't allow us to call it with with

relationships over the last few years I

don't think I'm very good at picking

people that are right for me I think I

struggle to be really open and I guess

it comes a lot of insecurities from when

I was young now things are now my life

is very different in terms of you know I

don't go out drinking so you're less

likely to meet people I live in a you

know I live in a town where I love my

town that I live and I don't want to

live in London but that means that you

know I'm less likely to meet people

you know in my kind of age group I don't

I don't enjoy apps you know I'm not I

don't have I don't have any desire to

spend more time using technology but I

work or you know I work on technology

all day I don't want to sit in front of

the TV and swipe on my phone and talk to

some random person and go whoo I don't

even know if they're interesting or

funny based on a photo and I need funny

so I guess I've also told three boys

that I love them and not had them say it

back so all three of my relationships

have been have been you know unrequited

love and that's quite you know that's

from 16 to 26 so that's actually you

know that's tough so I guess what my

fear would be in something I know I need

to do the work on is around my relation

you know my relationships and my

attitudes to - laughs I guess in terms

of finding a partner to share my life

with you know I want to have that you

know it's not that I you know it's not

like I'm not always because I love being

single I think a better when they're

together I look at my mum and dad who

have the best relationship out of anyone

I know when they bring out the best in

each other and you know they get to

enjoy their lives together and have a

real partner so I guess that would be

you know if you want my honest answer to

that instead of a sort of a

and answer then that would be something

which I guess is a fear thank you for

sharing that it's actually a really

interesting answer and probably one I

will didn't guess if I had 100 guesses

I'm sure obviously as you know as well

it will happen when it's meant to happen

the reason I find it so interesting is

having had such a horrible experience

where you've almost got this incredible

resilience where I suppose nothing's

really going to necessarily scare you

anymore because you've already been hurt

you've already been to the bottom you've

already been in a dark place to have in

that level of insecurity with that

particular subject I just find that

interesting it again I think if you look

at the world I mean love in terms of you

know love for another person a partner

is a you know pretty big thing I mean

you know every song every film you know

most of it pretty much most of life

comes down to you know love of another

person and you know that's why you know

that's why we're on our planet find a

partner and procreate I mean that's how

that's how the evolution survives so

although it sounds you know minor in

comparison to you know huge adversity

and stuff I think it's probably at the

same time one of life's biggest missions

and at the same time can be challenges

to get it right I mean you got to get

I'm not one who's gonna set you know I'm

not a settler so I've got to get it

right it's got to be and especially you

know my parents have an incredible

relationship so my you know my bar is

set really high I you know I want real

proper love that makes that makes us

both better that you know that we we

have the same hopes and dreams and I

think you know I'm an extremely

ambitious person I'm you know I'm very

self-aware I know what I'm about and I

think potentially it's hard to find

other people at that same level I don't

know I don't know what the offer is I

mean it's probably down to the fact that

I may be not not open to it and it's

work that I I've got it on my my mental

note of work to do on myself is to is to

delve into it and and make sure that you

know I'm not you know I'm not limiting

myself in any way yeah absolutely I

think at least you're recognizing that

there is potentially some work there to

that's really important but yeah I mean

your level of self-awareness is

definitely not something that I suppose

is common amongst common people should I

say but life is definitely better years

in terms of if you can find the right

person and obviously you'll never sell

but please do not settle and however

long that takes you can almost have

everything and more Panna we're actually

gonna go to the fun part of the show now

so this is normally where quite fun just

so you know sorry I have actually found

most a bit quite honorable thank you

thank you

you're a great you're a great

interviewer great question so thank you

thank you you really shouldn't worry I

mean you're definitely skilled I mean

I'm sure you're going to be very

successful with this podcast because I

love your very you've got the right

level of empathy and you're really it

sounds to me like you're you're really

listening which actually sounds really

obvious but it's actually a really

important skill that very few people

have so yeah I think you should be

really you know pleased to do with

yourself I'll bless you thank you so

much

you caught me off guard there a little

bit nice fine it's fine

okay so quickfire round this is

basically 60 seconds where I'm gonna ask

you the most random questions so why if

it comes to your mind there's no right

or wrong and said it's just a little bit

of fun for the audience to get to know a

little bit more about you are you ready

yeah okay fantastic we're gonna start in

three two one

what did you eat for breakfast I don't

eat breakfast I'm on intermittent

fasting like eight no problem if you

could really relive one day again which

day would it be any day today I mean I

love every day I love that the ability

to fly or be invisible fly who do you

admire most in the world my mum when

your fame okay your favorite food you

know your proudest moment quitting

alcohol would you rather speak or

languages or be able to speak to animals

animals 100 percent if you could abolish

one thing in the world what would it be

right what song best describes your life

life by Desiree I love that song so good

it's brilliant if you had an extra hour

a day what would you spend it on just

asking my parents questions Netflix or

YouTube

your favorite TV show ever friends would

you rather know how you would die or

when you were dying how if you could sit

with one person in the world for an hour

who would it be

Gary Vaynerchuk I love Gary Vee yeah

your favorite place in the world

Farnum Ansari read minds or predict the

future read minds and the last question

your favorite superhero I love Groot

Groot yeah from guardians of the galaxy

yeah he's a superhero is new yeah I

suppose we can give you that one I love

he's brilliant he's got like the most

easiest lines ever to remember in a film

I think you can communicate with three

words only in your life in the world so

that would make which is basically my

job and everything I love so yeah yeah

absolutely yeah brilliant okay fantastic

so we have just two more questions left

for you Hannah and the next one's about

reflection so knowing exactly what you

know now with all your knowledge and all

everything that you've been through in

life I want you to take yourself back

and I want you to take yourself back to

a young Hannah maybe where you struggled

with it first to you or something didn't

quite go your way in life so knowing all

this information now and going back to

this young Hannah

what would you whisper in her ears such

interesting question because two weeks

ago I did a hole in a child session with

my cousin and I actually did exactly

this so I went back to ten year old

Hannah which I think was a Hannah who

was really starting to know who she was

in the world but because it wasn't the

same as what everybody else was felt

that she had to keep it down and so um I

was at I didn't it wasn't very cool to

be smart and I was pretty smart I that I

didn't care about things that other

people cared about so I felt like I

should so what I would whisper to her

was just it's just to to back yourself

to know that you are a hundred percent

right and feeling what you feel because

that is what you feel which makes it

right

and to to worry less to just be so

excited about the journey ahead and to

find a way no matter what it was to find

in a love it took me until last year to

really love myself and I wish my 10 year

old self could could find that because

she was really great she just wasn't the

same as everybody else

and that made it hard so yeah love

yourself back yourself and be very

excited for the future love yourself

back yourself and be very excited for

the future I think that's brilliant and

I think even as kids probably maybe

before the age of 10 we are kind of

built that way in terms of we're just

very confident and we kind of I suppose

the love ourselves and get excited by

everything and then some way along life

when whether it's teachers or the

community around us we could be kind of

tend to lose that element whether it's

you fail at something or you don't

necessarily do something that's the

normal you don't fit into a certain hole

a suppose so it's interesting I mean

he's just an a quick example but I am I

hit puberty like earlier than a lot of

friends so I sort of got that kind of

curvier body and weighed more than my

friends and I didn't know I didn't think

oh I'm fan at until I rap and he weighed

myself and I think I weighed like seven

stones and I think everyone weighed like

my friends weighed five and that's when

I thought oh I shouldn't weigh more that

must be bad aka I must be fat so it

wasn't I'd actually looked in the mirror

and gone oh I'm fatter than my friends

I'd let you put a metric and then I

decided to judge myself for the rest for

the next 15 years based on that random

metric from a pair of random scales I'd

stood on in my mum's bathroom when I was

like having a bath or something yeah and

that's like a story which stayed with me

and I know it was when I was 10 so I can

remember the moment this eat with me

until I mean I guess now I mean you know

everyone's constantly struggling with

body you know body image and in the

distant age we live it in so and that's

just some stupid story which I picked up

when I was young there oh I'm heavier oh

dear I should weigh less oh no this

means I'm not as good I mean what's that

what is that rubbish story absolutely

and that rubbish story I'm sure every

has their own version of that room story

as well it's weird isn't it because I

suppose we can look back at it now with

our heightened level of thinking I

suppose and self-awareness but as a

child you were almost taken on this

story and making it almost a truth that

you're gonna live with now for the next

15 20 years not realizing the impact

that can potentially have so it's

shocking it's shocking the stuff that

you can pick up when you're you're young

I mean when I have children I'm gonna

read like every parenting book and going

everywhere I'm gonna travel the world

studying parenting my parents weren't

amazing but I mean in terms of things I

picked up in school and stuff so that I

can I don't know just so I can

understand it more because I know I do

really

how much would shaped when we're young I

mean my fantastic I'm not at all saying

it was them but yeah I mean there's

random things that you have no idea that

can have an impact for the you know the

rest of your life no I I hundred percent

agree again my parents absolutely

fantastic I wouldn't change him for the

world but I think this is maybe why we

both like garyvee because some of his

stuff that he talks about in terms of

when anybody talks about parenting and

stuff and just the cold hard truth in

terms of you as a person just finding

your way and not worrying about the

opinion even of your parents for example

and he has quite a few lessons in the

way he talks and I'm always nod to my

wife I'm like this is fantastic

I need to listen to Gary Vee like when

the time comes for us to have a family

for example and similar to yourself

again and another common trait is I

always think I just want to immerse

myself into becoming this ultimate pair

of where it's never gonna happen I mean

we all make mistakes but I just want to

be mindful of those simple words in the

simple sentences about my behavior can

literally change my my child's life

because I believe there's a level of my

anxiety came when I was a child and not

to make this episode about me but I know

kind of when it came and I really went

into myself and I don't ever want my

children to ever yeah I mean I think my

parents were pretty super parents in

terms of like they they had they've got

most of it down I think for me what it

was was was it would be knowing I think

it's about when something happens it's

because a lot of the stuff happens at

school doesn't it when we're young

that's where we we pick up a lot of our

stuff I think in terms of our baggage

that we take through our lives so I

guess for me it's understanding more

about kids other kids rather than

knowing how to pair it and understanding

if my kid comes in this mood well what

might have happened on that day and I

don't know I don't really know it I

don't know if there's really anything a

parent can do to protect a kid from

things they hear in school but things

like body issues and I've always been a

kind of natural leader which is the way

that I would explain myself now as a

natural leader but obviously like like a

lot of strong girls you know you're told

you're bossy and too intense and stuff

for a large proportion of your life now

I see it as you know I'm just a natural

leader which is super cool because I've

changed the story in my head but for a

long time I felt bad for being for

always for being like look I know

instead of you know letting everyone run

around in chaos for putting a bit of

order in there but now you know now I

see that as a positive but back then I

thought oh god I'm such a bossy whatever

again Britta Hansen I think people are

listening to this I just want to take

one of your sentences is you change the

story in your head and however we tell

ourselves this story

we can literally switch it and this is

what I want this podcast to be about in

terms of just switching the

circumstances or the situations that

you've been through in life to favor you

because at the end of the day the

situation is the situation however how

we react to it that's gonna determine

how we live our life and I just think

you're a shining example of using your

adversity and pain practice though I

would say that because I know that

people people say that you know oh you

know it is up to you how you react but

that I used to annoy me when people said

that to me because I was like oh shut up

like let me know it's just shut up it

takes a lot of practice and you just

have to basically for me what it was was

I heard that enough times that I

eventually started believing it so if

you don't feel it now that you don't

feel that you can choose to react to

situations in a positive way or however

you want to react to them if you don't

believe that's possible now just have

the faith that one day you will believe

it's possible and you will naturally do

it

because when it's right it will happen

do you know what I mean don't put the

pressure on yourself because I think a

lot of people present themselves going

oh I should be seen us in a positive way

oh my god I'm rubbish at this oh my god

I'm terrible at being positive why am I

so bad at everything and you get in a

spiral because it doesn't come naturally

whereas have the faith that when it's

ready when you're ready to react to

situations in a different way that's

when it will that's when you will do you

see what I mean

that's a brilliant way of pointing me

actually because I'm guilty of doing

that myself because we read so many

books and always working on personal

development if I don't do something how

I know I shouldn't potentially do it I

beat myself up about it and I think it's

again going back to that faith element

that one day it will click and I'll get

those moments you know we're imperfect

that's what makes us so amazing is we're

part that we'd be robots so nobody wants

robot humans yet although they think

we're going to be able to marry them in

2030 that might be my option perfect I

think yeah I think it's just it's

knowing that you know you're never going

to react to every situation properly

you're always going to sometimes not be

your best self that's what makes us our

best selves is by accepting those those

times that we're not but when it comes

to personal development and all of these

constant improvements that we know we

can make on ourselves I think making the

problem is is that there's so much

knowledge and content and things online

that we can apply to ourselves it's

actually becomes overwhelming that you

end up not doing anything because you

don't know where to start

so I just think look when somebody gives

me a piece of advice there I mean

something I know I should implement I go

well that looks nice when the time is

right I'll do that

and then naturally because I've got that

faith it does happen but I think what we

don't want to do is cause more overwhelm

we literally the amount of stuff that is

there in the world for us to look at

every day and the amount of choices we

have to make is just too much that I

think just backup from the whole thing

and go it will happen when it happens I

will learn these lessons when I need to

learn them you know take it in it you

know and one day you know it goes into

your memory naturally once it's gone

into your point once you've seen it or

read it and then it wait for it to come

back up and and that's fine but don't

put yourself under pressure to start

doing these things straight away just go

you read somewhere that somebody did it

and it worked for them do you know what

I mean absolutely I think that's a

fantastic message because overwhelmed

definitely as you said it causes a kind

of analysis paralysis and everyone I

mean I am helping people in their 60s in

businesses all the way down

supporting my 30 year old cousin with

his revision because I live with him at

the moment I'm helping with his revision

and honestly the main thing which is

coming out of everybody is overwhelmed

whether they're sixty or thirteen and we

have got to do something about the way

that we are living in this state of

overwhelm because it's not it's not we

can always do more and be more we always

know that we can but actually who we are

right now is probably a Dan site of an

improvement of where we are we were last

year so why don't we why don't we

celebrate that while the rather than

going oh god I need to be doing that and

why am I not doing that and I need to do

this we need to break things down and

have the faith that the right you know

the right thing happens when it happens

and we can only do what we can do in

that present moment and as long as we

are always honoring you know honouring

ourselves and making consciously good

decisions well then what more could we

possibly do do you know what I mean it's

just there's too much there's too much

pressure and and and overwhelm you know

it's like it's gone mad and I got a 13

year old cousin I want to just you know

take it all away from him and go look

it's all fine like with his revision

we've broken it into these really

bite-sized chunks it's completely

changed his whole attitude to revision

because he's like suddenly gone from

overwhelm to clarity and clarity is one

of the most important things we can get

in our lives because clarity enables so

much so yeah all of the answer I'm more

importantly good luck to your 13 year

old cousin as well for his exams yeah it

was like yeah I'm doing some revision

days for some of his friends over the

next few weeks we're going I can't bear

seeing them all stress so I said look

give them to me for a day I'm gonna sort

it out let's say well I'm sure he'll be

fine honey that suddenly actually brings

us to the last question and the last

question that I always like to ask my

guess is basically if in 150 years time

science fails to save a sword and all

that exists

is a book and this book is about your

life and in it it's got all the weird

and wonderful things that you've

accomplished all of the dreams and

aspirations that you've you've done and

achieved what would firstly the title of

the book say and secondly what would the

blurb at the back

tell us about Hannah power oh my

goodness I wish I'd prepared ah the

title of the book would be God that is

hard it would be something like

enjoying enjoy the journey it would be

something about yeah something like that

and the back of the book it would say I

guess embracing adversity is the biggest

gift that you can that you can give

yourself and finding your faith is

crucial to your success and finding

confidence in your inner self and

everything that makes you totally unique

that these are all the things which

enable you to then enjoy your journey

your short period of time on earth and I

would like to be seen as somebody who

helped others to do that the question I

should have really thought about that

beforehand really good I love it I think

that's certainly a book that I'd

definitely pick up and I think you

certainly will help so many people and

just on that could you please tell us

where our listeners and audience can get

through to you on your either Instagram

Facebook or wherever you're available

sure so and yeah the easiest way is

probably to go to my website Hanna power

dot code at UK so you can yeah that's

that's where you can contact me through

there if you want to send me an email

it's Hanna Hanna power code at UK or

Instagram is probably my favorite

platform Hanna I power and if you're

interested in joining I've got a

Facebook group to support people who

want to you know build their brands have

an impact create a life of fulfillment

that's called powerful branding that

Facebook groups you can search for that

so I guess it all depends on what what

people you know what they want if they

just want a bit of inspiration Instagram

if they want some help

Facebook group but it's all kind of

culminates on my website Hannah power UK

that's fantastic thank you all

shop with all of that into the show

notes so people can contact you I want

to take this moment once again to thank

you Hannah for your time and sharing

your story and I want to also thank all

the listeners at home thanks for

listening awesome that was fantastic

thank you so much and remember this

podcast is absolutely free so all we ask

in return is for you to share this with

a friend and drop us a 5-star review

over on iTunes have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Find your voice - Episode 20 "It's a curse to call yourself a true Entrepreneur, unless you really are" - Penny Power #20

Tagline: "Love is the most powerful force in the world, the more you can live within that energy, be that energy and give that energy the better your life will be "

Penny Power, OBE is an incredible woman who could complete a podcast series alone. Having labelled herself as an 'Accidental Entrepreneur' Penny formed the first social network for business owners exceeding 650,000 members. However, as many entrepreneurs can relate, she was then forced to handle many ups and downs along her journey and forced to really look deep within herself. Through a journey of self care and discovery Penny began to deal with depression and really find her true purpose and love for herself. A journey she may even consider tougher than the entrepreneurial one.

More importantly than the above, Penny is an extremely proud mother to 3 and wife to her husband all of whom she considers the greatest gift she ever received. Penny now coaches people on a 1-2-1 basis transforming not only their lives but also living her true purpose.

From depression, to business, to self care to coaching we discuss so many facets that many of you today can relate too and hopefully take nuggets of information to move your lives forward and find your voice!

Please check the links below and follow Penny's journey as she is credible, honest and an overall lovely soul.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

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Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

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Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com

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Links to guest:

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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pennypower/

Books: https://amzn.to/2DPEvfU

Have an awesome day

#JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so I'm extremely

delighted to bring to you today

penny power now for anyone who knows

penny they might also know her as the

accidental entrepreneur and the reason

for that is because penny created this

absolutely monster of a social network

for business people in 1998 which

actually had over 650,000 business

owners in it not knowing what she had at

that time penny was sadly disrupted by

what we know today as linked in so

there's definitely a brilliant story

there and we do discuss that further

into this episode alongside this penny

has also received an OBE in 2014 for the

work that she's done and she's seen by

many as a winner and having spoken to

her in some depth not just during this

episode but prior to it she certainly is

that alongside being a mother to three

children and a wife to her husband penny

now sees herself working with clients on

a one-to-one basis and we're in a

society today where a lot of coaches are

almost spawning overnight I mean we're

seeing people with one or two years of

experience becoming a coach and then

selling their services and being a bit

skeptical apart a lot of these coaches

penny is somebody I'm certainly not

skeptical about because if I was ever to

recommend anyone as a coach it would

certainly be penny because penny has the

experience and you can tell from the way

she speaks in this interview she knows

this stuff so I think without further

ado we're gonna jump straight into this

one it's extremely exciting for me to

bring somebody like penny onto my

podcast

and I'm extremely grateful for that and

I hope you all enjoy this episode thanks

for tuning in

ok so firstly I just want to thank

everyone for tuning in to today's

episode today and I've just had a

fantastic discussion with penny prior to

this actually going live so I've got to

know her a lot there but I think it's

very important that you guys listening

tuning in today get to know the real

penny or Penny powers she is known to

many of us out there today so firstly

how are you doing today

very well I feel very well warmed up

lovely conversation with you it was it

certainly was I could almost have an

episode out of that just in itself but

I'm just for their sake of the listeners

who have just tuned in now and obviously

may or may not have heard of you could

you please just maybe give us an insight

in relation to where you first started a

little bit about your journey and

basically what brings you here today and

so I think you know and I think it's

been a journey of finding my voice which

is just perfect I'm gonna try and keep

it little 16

I went into the IT industry when I was

19 I didn't go to university I went into

sales and tele sales and joined it when

it was really booming and so it was

fairly relatively easy to excel and I

ended up with in about by the age of 24

I was sales marketing director of a 80

million pound company with about 400

staff that I was responsible for and an

80 million pound sales line and we had

offices around the country eight offices

and but my first day there I just went

into there and completely just out of

scarcity and needed to leave home and it

was a job and and I realized I was quite

different to everybody else in the room

you know I wasn't really that focused on

the sale but I was focused on the impact

of the sale that would have on whoever

was buying the product and I actually

resigned after seven months and I was

going to go to the University to do a

psychology degree I had finally got my

place and my boss took me into a room

and said why are you leaving I said I'm

just not cut out for business it's not

my world I want to be have more impact

in business and he said but you have no

idea of the shift that you

created in the culture of our

organization and I was ripped shots as a

19 year old to be told that and he said

just be you stay and be you very

powerful when someone says that to you

so I did and I built quite a nice career

I'd sort of left that company and

actually went off to four other

companies and then was invited back to

be their sales marketing director when

they had grown quite substantially and

then at 28 I was blessed with my baby

Hannah and two more children and that is

absolutely that and my marriage is being

my highest values my highest joy the

thing that I think is the most important

thing in my life I think you know that

fall saying charity begins at home I

think if you put oxygen on your family

then you build a family that doesn't

take from the world it can give to the

world

i I've taken my role as a mum really as

my most important thing in my life and

my merit and my marriage because that

completes the family and but I am quite

driven I love I do love business and

when I was 33 so I had Hannah was five

and then I had Ross who was three and TJ

was just not long born about six months

old I came up with the idea of the fact

that business seemed so lonely people

working on their own my husband being

one of them and sort of subject of night

networking in 1998 wasn't huge but there

was it was sort of going on but there

was no online networking for business

there was Friends Reunited and MySpace

but nothing for business so I created a

community for business online with a

culture of reducing loneliness helping

people with their self-esteem and her

self-worth and helping people to be who

they were rather than just what they did

and it grew and it grew and it was

phenomenal but then we got massively

disrupted we were growing up organically

it was a subscription-based business ten

pounds a month ten dollars ten euros

depending where you were in the world we

were in 52 countries had 5000 offline

events here and then LinkedIn took hold

so retweet hoffman had actually visited

and used our site a little bit he then

raised three hundred and thirty million

dollars when in the

okay we just couldn't raise any money

we'd raised very small amount of seed

investment but interestingly he just

went a different route and culture he

went to the business world with his

fantastic tool but it's said it's only

about what you are and actually then we

saw that was in 2002 so that was four

years after we had grown then in 2004

Facebook came into the student market

2006 Peter came in and the mark I think

we all polarized you know this is Who I

am on Facebook this is what I am on

LinkedIn an academy sat somewhere in

between we needed to pivot the business

model by now we had lost our house in

order to keep the business going it was

very challenging the trout children

traveled around the world meeting our

members had little lapel badges with

their names on them shaking hands at

teach ethics or he first started

networking and anyway in 2008 we went to

the bank and said look can we have a

loan to pivot this business and they

gave us a 5 year loan enabled us to

start looking at how we can offer free

and start basically doing what we didn't

want to do but in order to survive which

was going to be sell your data so you

you know what we now upset about in the

other markets so obviously that meant a

lot of our members that were happy to

pay we're unhappy but did get some new

members joining who were happy that it

was free but it really challenged our

values and then three years into that

with two years left around the bank loan

the banking crisis happened

we got a 30 day notice to pay back the

rest of the two years and they brought

the business down the bank after 14

years so an incredibly painful defining

moments in 2012 and it has been an

unbelievable climb to get back any sense

of self-worth self belief a big journey

I which we can we can look into it was

wonderful in 2014 out of the blue came a

beautiful letter and offering me an OBE

for the contributors

lovely feeling of validation and

but actually what I really learned is

you can get huge amounts of external

invalidation in life but unless you can

validate yourself and believe in

yourself and feel your own sense of

self-worth these things are just a bit

of gloss on your life and that's been a

journey which culminated in me writing

my book last year

fantastic and your book is called it's

called business is personal well firstly

what a journey I probably got more notes

here that again I could do probably a

podcast on separately so I just want to

touch on a few things throughout your

journey so you ended with the validation

statement which I don't want to go into

cuz I think that's so important

especially in today's society yeah you

were 19 years old you had almost kind of

disrupted and made a positive scene in

this industry where there was a fitting

comment and you said just stay and be

you yeah I loved that because I filmed

myself and in an industry where a lot of

my business comes through social media

there are people not just being

themselves I feel that a lot of people

have a magic or they're saying the

things that they necessarily feel they

need to say yeah what people want to

hear and I think sometimes we all have

such a unique gift or skillset that we

may not ever get to see if we're too

busy trying not to be ourselves if that

makes sense

I think I think that was beautiful and

you touched the game moving after that

about your family and I just resonated

so much with your values in terms of

breathing oxygen into your family and

how important your marriage is so we

touched obviously prior to this show a

little bit about one of your children I

lost a TJ and just the incredible person

that she is so again that's a testament

to your values and that kind of brings

me to where I am so I touched on the

LinkedIn obviously disrupting and it's

and sadly for yourselves you had to

almost kind of pivot but you mentioned

something which I just found fascinating

which was the values bit that really

kind of struck you so it's nice to hear

and it's quite refreshing from yourself

that yes you could have pivoted the

business and almost kind of taken on a

LinkedIn approach but that's not who

penny is so using that and realizing

that in that moment getting the external

validation of OB what did you then do in

terms of your business I mean is that

still going now that sort of business or

have you completely shifted it now

towards really helping people trying to

find out about themselves as in terms of

full of himself with yeah I mean I

definitely has been a thank you for that

that lovely reflection of what I said I

think it's been a journey you know

something I say when I am coaching and

mentoring and I run a mastermind group

now I take two cohorts yeah so I I

support people through a mastermind

group which is beautiful experience we

do need in our values we do need to have

a brand we need to know what we're here

for you know that lovely saying to best

days of your life the day you're born

the day you discover able all of these

things are very very powerful

start with why simon Sinek what it's

created it's created a massive panic of

people that don't feel they have it yet

and you can't force it so you know was

coaching a lady yesterday it was

incredibly inspired by brainy Brown and

her vulnerability statement and simon

Sinek and all these role models and

she's desperate to find her big message

and I just said just it will come but it

absolutely starts with the seed of who

you are and you can't force it because

you want to market yourself better or

write a better book or you've just got a

lot now having a coach or a mentor or a

loved one help you coach that out of you

is very powerful and I was with a

brilliant guy called Sun hartley

yesterday and he's a performance coach

and he said these three things you know

yourself be yourself accept yourself

I loved that thought I love that know

yourself be yourself accept yourself and

I don't think that we can you know I

went through a process last year with

psychologists and group therapy because

I broke and I didn't break to the point

where I was you know I was shaking in

the corner but I had a really day of

devastating experience that dangerous

and scary experience on the 30th of

November 2017 that I went off to a

hospital thinking I had had a stroke or

something and they found no new logical

things and and anyway through going to

see psychologists discovered that and I

was now having some form of mental

health challenges and I actually spent a

lot of time reflecting and thinking and

I think I started to break probably for

you

before I had that incidence it's not

something I was fat you know you could

start off you could start off being

completely disabled with a bad leg

through or hip through eighth rightous

it would start years before you know you

get the so I think mental health issues

you have to start becoming very

self-aware of how you're showing up in

the world before you really know you've

got them and and you know I believe in

mental fitness but there's another

subject you know starting before it

starts like you do when you look after

your physical health so the values

finding your voice knowing your values

are very critical you can't force these

things though and you know when I talk

to CEOs of businesses or leaders of

businesses they've got pulled into a

vortex of ambition like this whirlwind

of ambition that actually is fantastic

if economies create that culture because

they create to the fear and they create

the culture of you're lacking and

therefore scarcity and and fear and you

lack and the market is a brilliance has

it online saying you could be more

successful you could be richer you could

be more beautiful which immediately when

you actually read that your subconscious

hears I am lacking really wave love so

brilliant it's so clever but revolting

so we have to step away from things like

social media and comparison and

Roosevelt said comparison is the thief

of joy it's my favorite quote yeah it's

brilliant isn't it love it yeah

absolutely and and it's it takes a huge

amount of reprogramming your mind to

stop doing that

but at least once you're aware you're

doing it you feel yourself doing it you

call yourself back into line because

when you look at the ingredients of who

you are you know what makes you up there

is no single human being on this earth

the same as you say mercury your

knowledge your skills your intentions

your passions your experiences your

adversities you've it's just absolutely

nothing that could make someone the same

as you so therefore comparing yourself

is the first downward spiral really and

one that people are so locked into and

so you know anyone listening I'll just

say calm down listening to yourself just

have more self-awareness think of your

joys think of what really sets you on

fire all that's that which other people

will say but really do it not to make

money from it to begin with I saw

powerful again I mean I can resonate

with this and I'm not sure if you've

followed it in my story or any of my

progression but I try and say a lot of

this myself because again probably

similar to yourself I found myself in

the state of comparison initially

especially when I started the property

journey and I have this habit now and

I've kind of I don't do this in a way to

offend people or be rude but I've

stopped almost going on social media and

liking people's posts and stuff because

what I effectively do now is I have a

message every morning or every evening

that I want to share with the world and

what I'll do is I'll write it out and

I'll send it out and all of a sudden I'm

off social media I'm not there to see

how many likes I get or how many shares

I get because if I fix ain't myself on

that metric in itself what's gonna

happen is if it's law one day the next

day I might be scared to share my truth

again and I think I think one of the

important things you touched on again is

people are almost in this panic of we

don't have it but they probably do and

it's a patience game I suppose and where

I always say to people he's just speak

your truth speak whatever that comes to

you it's your own perspective it'll

resonate with certain people and we're

almost in a society where people are

trying to almost say key and buzzwords

because they feel like that's what they

need to almost same and I think you hit

the nail on the head and I think with

your experiences Ryan you just briefly

mentioned the coaching aspect I think

people listening to this show can gain

so much value from that so I just wanted

to touch on your mastermind that you

mentioned is that what's something that

people would necessarily need to do in

person or is it something that you can

do online from the comfort of your own

home a really great question so I've

been on my own journey and I'm gonna

come back to that if that's not too

annoying so really so when I my - I call

myself an accidental entrepreneur for

years because I was when I came up with

he had a me I didn't know his tiger by

the tail but I had and then I started my

second business after he had me call

digital use academy which it was highly

impactful it was working

young people I created the digital

marketing apprenticeship that is now

widely used and I got investors to put

money in we invested three hundred and

fifty thousand pounds in an e-learning

cent system and we distributed that

through further education colleges as an

apprenticeship and over three years I

out two thousand unemployed very hard to

reach young people into jobs giving them

the confidence that their digital skills

had value in the world and and hoping

that they would go into it with us the

sort of culture that I believe in around

social media so that was my second what

I call on two-player journey then I

started my third which is called the

business cafe and it was that part of

the journey that broke me because it was

another push and what I feel is um the

term entrepreneur is really dangerous to

me entrepreneurs are creating something

from nothing and have massive ambition

and Luke Johnson in his book stops

startup I think it's called said

ambition is a curse and not everybody

has it right to be a true entrepreneur

you have to be massively ambitious and

you have to know how much you're willing

to sacrifice in terms of time money and

gratification because being true you're

building something as scales and has

impact and this is the Silicon Valley

world you know go out raise 300 million

dollars and there and reduce all your 1%

and you know it's long busks and Mark

Zuckerberg the thing that a lot of

people your generation and two cents

that my generation came you know we we

witnessed from about 20 to 23 years ago

when ecommerce everything started so I

would say that you know it's a curse to

call yourself an entrepreneur unless you

truly are so my own personal journey is

and where I am finding so much joy now

going back to your original question

yeah is that I was employed had my

children then became an entrepreneur

accident accidentally then they became

an entrepreneur a game with digital

youth academy then tried to be an

entrepreneur game with the business cafe

and I still want to bring the business

cafe to market but when I broke my basic

my cup was full I was overflowing for

even a got out of bed

my resilience had gone and I was

exhausted and burnt and the way I've

come back is by saying actually I'm

going to be a small business much nicer

of course yeah

a small business is what is my value to

one person and how can I exchange that

value for money and impact their lives

directly so at the moment starting from

January when I launched my mastermind

and my mentoring coaching program this

year I only need to work with about 34

amazing people and I will fulfill not

only my emotional needs but my financial

needs and when I go into a room with

somebody I'm coaching I know that I get

that gratification I'm not only seeing

the impact I'm making on that one person

but also they're paying me yeah money is

actually ultimately one of the ways we

get our worth it is it's I know we don't

chase money but if we're broken and I've

been broken and if we can't financially

afford to feed our children trying to be

an entrepreneur is a very very dangerous

journey so going back to your question

am i delivering it online yes I've been

asked that a lot

yeah if as soon as I do that I'm

stepping away from my direct impacts in

terms of I'm putting a computer between

me and and being able to love and hold

and touch and care and look in the eyes

of the people I'm wanting to impact and

so this year that's what I'm doing thank

you for that answer so I want to play

devil's advocate just a little bit on

the the last night you said there so I

fully understand the whole direct beep

there directly impact them hold them

love them and touch these people that

you weren't have been on a one-to-one

basis and I suppose when I first started

personal training I literally started

personal training because one I had lost

a lot of weight and done a qualification

with a bit of spare change I had but I

thought it would pay for my way through

uni and then obviously doing that I

really enjoyed it I loved transforming

lives and seeing people lose weight gain

confidence which again I felt fantastic

as being mothered journey and I got to a

point myself as I and I remember

I should take this online and almost do

like an online coaching for personal

training where I will check in with

clients online again losing that that

one-to-one communication thing but at

the same time getting back some of my

time so my yeah and perhaps potentially

making more money and I initially kind

of was with yourself I was like I don't

want to do that it's got it's kind of

almost dilute my power and my gift that

I have when I work with people but then

at the same time I had somebody question

me and again this is a question I wanna

ask you is do you not then feel because

in this very brief moment with yourself

the reason I ask this is because I don't

want it to be that penny is based in

this part of the world or this part of

UK and we don't have access to penny

right now because I feel that if you are

able to connect with more people yes the

message might be slightly diluted but I

think your message is so powerful that

you could affect so many more people so

is it something that maybe your identity

later or I used sorry I'm gonna give you

a really long answer to this Aren okay

so at the moment I don't believe in

myself enough okay it's getting there

and this is the story I'm gonna tell you

and it's absolutely true and it's the

most up to date story I can tell you

about my life okay yeah please do I have

always wondered why people would spend

money on an aspen all our mulberry or

Gucci handbag right so you're gonna

think where the hell she kept okay I

never needed it

I never wanted even when Thomas and I

had money you know and life was a bit

easier didn't turn me on Thomas came

back from Dubai once on a speech has

brought me back in a beautiful good she

box a handbag and it sat in the box for

three years I never used it didn't write

and but my daughter Hannah who we talked

about a little bit and and hopefully you

might interview so absolutely would be

an honor so when she was 20 and I we

didn't spoil our children they had to

work from the age of from a young age

and at 16 they got jobs in supermarkets

or Starbucks or whatever and age 20 she

got an internship at Barclays and I met

her after work one day and we went off

to Marbury

just off Oxford Street and she spent 900

pounds in a bag I didn't judge her I

didn't judge at all is her money she'd

worked hard for it and that was some

symbolism she wanted that bag and she

had this private relationship Reeves my

big my older sister who's 10 years old

and me because my elder sister he's 10

years old of me loves designer handbags

and I used to watch quite jealously this

but I think I want to join that Club I'm

not in certainly sign a handbag but I

was quite jealous of these this banter

that I would hear and then looking at

each other's bags because ever since

then Hannah's brought more bags anyway

when I started this mastermind group we

were meeting at some Pancras station

it's beautiful meeting place and a

restaurant there and that's where my

master minds are going to be in a

private room there and I had 12 separate

meetings because I have a four-hour one

to one with all the masterminds before

they join and I would walk past an

Aspinall shop right eight and I walk

past it looked in sort of smug that all

Hannah would love that and walked up

these steps into this restaurant anyway

one day I about the bath Inc was about

the ninth meeting I went into the

Aspinall shop took a photo of this

lovely handbag and said to Hannah

you'd love this handbag Hannah and she

said yeah is lovely the next time I went

back my 10th time I went in and I got it

off the shelf and I put it on my

shoulder oh yes quite not put it back

11th time went back went in looked at it

and asked him how much it was and talked

to him about it last week was my 12th

time and I said to Hannah the night

before I was going back to London for my

12th meeting Hannah I fallen in love

with an astronaut bag yeah and she went

by it by it mom buy it buy it buy it

really and she said I am mom you really

deserve it buy it so I said don't be no

somebody who works for Aspen or

something I could get a 30% discount

oh yeah I can look into overnight if you

want mum so we'll do that that'd be

lovely done it anyway next morning I

woke up to get the train to London my

job meeting and I sent her a text and

said Hannah I'm gonna buy it I don't

want it discounted I went in and I

bought it and we came home and we

champagne while I opened it at home and

Thomas said to me just said out of the

blue how come you've decided to buy

yourself back and I said Thomas I'm

worth it and it was so poignant that

everybody cried because Hannah has said

to me mum why don't you believe in

yourself you've gotten an OBE look what

you've done look at the lives you've

changed look everything you've done and

I said I just didn't believe it inside

me until I've got I do now so this is

the most up to date story I can tell you

our an a my journey and it's been really

interesting I share it because I'm

really open with everyone if somebody

wants to judge me for the the pain I've

been through and the losses I've been

through and judge me is a bad business

person because I'm not achievable you

know I could have achieved I don't I

really don't care about that I'm just me

and um and I will share that that story

with the world because it's we've got to

find our own self worth deep deep deep

down now so in answer to your story

which was bad to me to go online and

expect somebody to want to pay for an

electronic version of me I haven't got

to that point yet believing in myself

enough

that's incredible thank you for sharing

that I'm grateful for you sharing that

because as you were saying that there

were so many parts of it maybe some of

the listeners could probably resonate

with it where I'm on this

entrepreneurial journey where I'm kind

of bootstrapping

as and when I can and stuff like the bag

if we use trainers for example where my

younger brother who's nine years younger

than me we're going spend to endure

parents on a pair of trainers where I'm

like I can't do that I can't possibly

think I'm doing that I mean you grew up

in slightly different generations where

finances were different and growing up

but I don't know something tempting just

click there and I thought maybe there is

a is an element within myself where my

self-worth needs to kind of at least be

reflected on and maybe people listening

to this can reflect on that because it

was a beautiful moment I could almost

picture you coming home

popping up and that bottle of champagne

and then having this moment where you're

like do you know what I am worth it so

it's a beautiful story that you've just

shared there and in relation to the

diluting the message

thing which is the question that I asked

you and you feel that you're not

necessarily worth it now can I just ask

is that kind of like an impostor

syndrome that's going through your head

or do you I think it's partly that I've

watched so many I don't want swear you

can sway tosses is the places I say sell

a dream online and manipulate and and

corrupt I don't want to be part of that

world and I've seen people close to me

you know hire an expensive house rent a

fat Ferrari and stand outside and say

you can be as rich as me if you do my

program and and they are multi

millionaires but I have seen so many

lost souls back up their lives leaving

that story and so I've got to I've got

to get to a point where for me to join

that world I've really got to feel safe

that I am never going to do that to

anyone penny I loved that about you

that's like for me it's kind of like

about the Family Fortunes TV episode

going through my head reach that top

answer and it's like kind of bleeding

because for me it's one of the things

that I hold very close to my heart so I

I got taught off by my wife actually

last night so this is a very current

story and I was writing a post and I

kind of just write post from my heart or

whatever I think I don't spellcheck it I

don't think about it I just literally

write it there and then and as I was

writing it I sinner peeping over it she

was kind of looking at it like why you

kind of she's seen it as me being kind

of argumentative or not I'm just trying

to think of the wrong bird a bit against

the grain kind of thing because my

message yesterday was very similar to

yourself so I'm in the property space

and in the property space there are all

these millionaires selling this poor

thing

dream and I absolutely hate it because I

was fortunate that I had 12,000 pounds

left in my account which I spent on the

education I still believe I would have

been where I am now without that

education because in hindsight it wasn't

as good as I've published sin so since

then I have probably

move people away from the education and

I've offered my free service I've given

my course material that I've paid

thousands for because I'm like listen

you can learn all this yourself you

don't need this shiny book or this

course that's gonna change your life

because I've done it I joined this

course thinking twelve months time I'm

gonna be a multi-millionaire blah blah

blah all of that so you've obviously

seen these kind of and I put crooks I

don't call them houses but appearances

is probably a better word and it really

really it gets it gets to me because at

the same time I also feel I have value

in some of my skills that's where I can

go out and coach an extensive amount of

people but then I almost getting this

impostor syndrome myself thinking I

don't want to ever be seen like these

people out there exactly doing it the

wrong way so I fully get there and

obviously we're at different stages in

life you're a lot more advanced and

experienced than myself and I get that

and at the same time I'm like I'm seeing

people with less experience than myself

who have fabricated their results taking

good selfies on one Facebook and then

all of a sudden the selling weekend

courses for two thousand pounds and I

read a book recently on it and it was

about neuro linguistic programming NRP

called the dark psychology and there was

a brilliant quote in that and what it

said was you can either manipulate

people or persuade people basically and

the people there's a lot of people who

say I want to help you I want to do this

for you and you need to be able to

assess are they trying to manipulate you

I looking at their own self gain

irrespective of whether it's going to

actually get you what they're promised

in you or are they're just trying to

persuade you to abandon life and I'm I'm

grateful that I've managed to have this

interview with you and lets you connect

with you because you're one of the good

people and it's nice to see somebody

doing it the right way and I do feel

that sometimes we may not get there as

quick as other people and we may have to

probably face more obstacles but I just

believe it's just so much easier to go

to sleep at night doing things the right

way well it does it goes back to what

you said at the beginning about your

core values and and and whether you can

sleep itself you know these CEOs that

Sam you this someone was telling me they

coach it said the CEOs are in fear of

losing their jobs or their business

because all around them they have no

la they've just lost everything we've

lost their wives they live no

relationship with their children in

their strife for success of whatever

they decided success would be when they

were young they have and now they sit in

fear in these big jobs because if they

lost their job or they lost their

business they have nothing else left and

I think we have to think about what is

it we want to surround ourselves with

Tomas and I have lost everything and we

still had our marriage and our children

and it's it's all that matters that's to

me that's the possible and I think

people need to go deep into their values

but they chase this ambition or this

dream or this comparison or whatever it

is that's confusing them yeah absolutely

I think that's a fantastic message thank

you for sharing that penny I really

appreciate it

so now that you're you're definitely an

entrepreneur I think I don't think

anyone's gonna disagree that you're an

entrepreneur whether it is by accident

or whatever I mean I feel I'm a big

believer that everything happens for a

reason and if we choose to we can find

our own way and I'm grateful that you

found your own way but what I want to

ask is so for somebody who's been

through been through it all should I say

in terms of the journeys of ups and

downs what's your daily routine like

because I'm a firm believer that

motivation doesn't last forever and I am

strongly I'm strongly for sorry and that

we should discipline ourselves in

certain aspects hence your nutrition or

the thoughts you tell yourself

affirmations being grateful all that

sort of stuff in order to get through

the darker days and not everyone speaks

about the darker days but what's your

daily routine like Monday to Sunday um

so I am always been an early Waker even

as you know child when I was teenager

did my revision early I always wake so

does my husband around 5:00 o'clock and

we love that and we go down and get two

cups of tea each one of us goes and gets

four cups of tea

and we do have that television in the

bedroom which we absolutely love so this

morning we watched we loved all the

dramas we watched the final of mother

father son for example and we lie in bed

together and we hole

has and we have a cup of tea and we

watch that and then we do that from our

now this is I'm not rushing to London

for trade and then I share and then I

for the last six years I have made a

very lovely drinks which contains

spinach kale berries chia seeds flax

seeds hue carrot and and then I start

work because I love work so either start

work in the office or I will go to

London I do try to go to London after

10:00 because hey the trains are so much

cheaper oh I go on the train I mean it's

you know how much that makes a

difference to your monthly outgoings if

you if you do have a discipline of doing

that and I just feel better if I do that

then I get a good start in the morning

and then my ideal day is to coach one

client today about three times a week so

in the afternoons

I'll meet at this lovely place and coach

them if it's better in the mornings I

will do the morning because it's really

down to where they when they get their

best energy of course Alice and three

times a week I'm really grimacing here I

try to go to the gym okay Red Mill and

do some weights but I'm not achieving

that very well moment and I do have a

yoga routine that I try to do every

morning before I get dressed that's it

fantastic do you do any sort of them I

mean I know you've touched on yoga there

do you do any meditation or any

gratitude journaling or writing your

goals down is that so I do I am I have a

attitude of blessings and gratitude all

through the day and I do start my day

with that I definitely don't even have

to consciously do it I just comes into

my mind that I have not that I feel it

now it's I think it's incredibly

powerful that mindfulness meditation

that would completely elude me I just

don't have you do that but mindfulness

I'm trying to learn that my son who's

studying psychology at University who

and there's quite a high performing but

very him puts a lot of pressure on

himself a lot of pressure on himself

he's learnt mindfulness and he's

actually done a certificate in it now

and he has it's it's incredible how its

transformed him he said he can't live

without it and so it is that's an

discipline I'm trying to bring into my

life like I've got it

fantastic and just actually if we may

just going back to something we touched

on earlier we touched on mental fitness

and I know we spoke about this before I

click the record button yeah do you want

to just briefly elaborate on that as

well because I think that's going to be

very important for the lissa so I when I

had this sort of breaking moment I

ultimately took a while but in the end

the psychologist diagnosed me with PTSD

which I always thought needed to be a

huge trauma you know something it

directly happened to you but PTSD is

basically anything that everyday comes

back into your mind and it is and it

fills your cup before you because at

work Venus that started today and I had

12 things that from the age of 3 through

to about 3 years ago that were still on

pains that I hadn't accepted and

reconciled and I wasn't a victim of them

but they were still front of mind and I

had to go through a process called EMDR

to work through them which was a hard

exhausting painful process of acceptance

and letting it go and then when you do

it goes into your you might back in your

mind the other thing that I got

diagnosed with is a form of depression

called cursive strong which is a bad

book by dr. tim cavanaugh on

he owned a Mazon he worked for the

Priory and he found that people that

were coming to him who were very dynamic

very hardworking high levels of

discipline were he'd ended up diagnosing

hit them with this and what I got

diagnosed with and it's basically a form

of depression that means you will not

self care and look after yourself right

if you just get up every day and you

just keep pushing until until you just

you just just exhausted and so when I

was going through my psyche my group

therapy and times with my psychologist

which talked about in my book

there was healing triggers and emotional

mental repair that I talked about in my

book that I feel is relevant to every

entrepreneur every human yeah I believe

around your belief systems your values

to thoughts your feelings your

personality type etc and what I then

thought was actually if I had no in this

twenty years ago before I became an

entrepreneur or even younger I would

have focused on my mental fitness not

moment I'd not got to a point where I

had mental health issues so now I'm an

advocate of mental fitness because I

think that there are things that we

could learn about ourselves so to me

resilience isn't about how hard the

punches are that you are willing to take

and bounce back from resilience is like

a boxer you learn what to dodge you've

done the things that your personality

and your who you are and what matters to

you that you do not want to be

confronted by and you dodge and that

would enter Fitness to me fantastic

actually the first time I've heard it

explained like that I think I think the

message is clear though and I'm quite

fascinated now you've got me intrigued

into your own personal book so I know I

don't read books in terms of the

hardcovers but I am an advocate of

audible and listening to books is your

book available as an audible version or

is it strictly a hardcopy

no it is I went into studio recorded it

so it's on audio it's on Kindle and it's

on poppy yeah okay fantastic so there's

no excuse for me not to buy that then

I'll definitely be checking that out

thank you for that thank you okay so the

next thing I always ask my guests and

again this is something that will

hopefully give the listeners maybe

lessons that they can take on or some

sort of advice is about adversity now

you've obviously been through a lot of

adversity some of it we probably haven't

even touched in this very short episode

so I know you mentioned briefly and you

lost your house you mentioned I think it

was November you were having these

mental health challenges if you could

either choose one of those or something

else in your life where you've been

through adversity and just tell us how

you've basically overcame that and the

lessons that you've got from it just to

kind of give the listeners maybe some

tools that they could perhaps use yeah

y'know happily so there have been I

mentioned that there were I think I

mentioned there were twelve things on my

list when I went to the psychologist

that bothered me that was still throw

front of mind went back to his childhood

not that I was abused or anything but

there was something you know things that

bothered me and all the way up to adults

so I think one of the greatest learnings

was that the second business that I

started digital youth academy I got some

investors involved I didn't do any true

diligence on them but because I had

known of them and they certainly seemed

to have my best interests in the passion

of the business in their hearts when

they invested but I think I was at a

point of scarcity when I went into that

relationship which is always dangerous

whether you're taking on a client or a

supplier or a marriage whatever you owe

into it in a scarcity fear mindset then

it's going to be very difficult and so

ultimately I had to work my way out of

that relationship even though I loved

that business very much we had to exit

and sell that business and the issue was

that because I was in scarcity and

clearly was lacking in personal

self-worth I enabled them to have

control over me and one of the things

that strapline of my book is how to lead

the life and business that you want and

I was told by actually somebody who

worked for me in that business Russell

who now runs the Starbucks

apprenticeship program across Europe he

was a brilliant guy he was ops director

working with me and he said to me pet

one day penny I can tell and when I

first met you two who you are now things

you're not as happy as you used to be

I said well that's a real shame and he

said I watched a documentary last night

and they said there were three parts of

happiness and they've done a big study

globally and three parts were 50% of

happiness is your Constitution are you a

happy person he said penny you always

happy and you are a happy person

10% is the achievement of the things you

want and you know in this study we know

that we all always want something else

soon as we got something we always want

something else that's why us so much and

innovate and keep going you know we're

not happy

why we're not animals and that's why we

are so progressive 40% of happiness is

how much control you have a have over

your own life and decisions you make and

he said clearly you're being controlled

and I was now I had to then unwind that

and I talked about this in my book how

sometimes you have to positively

surrender to a situation and I realized

that I wasn't going to change a pattern

that we had created between us as a

relationship where they were assertive

and I was passive where they were the

adult and effectively they were treating

me as a child and it was my own doing

because I went into this relationship

already in a bad place yeah and so part

of the learning I had to go through is

I've got to a point in my life where

anybody who was assertive with me I had

was labeling them in my head as a bully

so I was catastrophizing anybody who

seemed to want to have control over me

anybody that had an opinion that was

strong I saw as bullying and I had to

learn as a naturally not assertive

person anyway I had to learn to be more

assertive and realized that being

assertive is actually a very adult

communication style it doesn't have to

be angry that's one one lesson I can

pass on absolutely I think that's a

lesson that I've had to learn myself as

well because when I first I property I

was very probably a similar situation to

yourself as our kind of put people on a

pedestal yeah I think thinking that I

wasn't worthy or didn't have in much

knowledge yeah yeah in fact I probably

did in hindsight now the funny thing is

I got ripped off I got builders running

away taking advantage of me I had

potential business partners see me as

naive and trying to make me do more work

than initially agreed to so I had all

these kind of problems and teeth and

issues initially as well and I remember

my mom actually saying and you need to

you need to be stronger you need to stop

being like a walk or a pushover and I

was just like it's just who I am as in

and I was always confident that if I

didn't become this again I assumed it

had to be a nasty dictation person and I

was as long as I just be myself

somewhere along the line I will get the

right

kind of people around me and and maybe I

have developed some level of

assertiveness over the last few years

but I've certainly now got a team around

me who I can trust and they know me from

my skills I know them for their skills

and it certainly helped but I think you

hit the nail on the head there where you

said it's a skill to learn and and in my

head it's always been if I come across

too assertive are people gonna think I'm

a bully or embossing axe or whatever it

is so yeah that's really interesting I

think I think people can definitely

resonate with that good yeah definitely

so penny what's your biggest fear um

I suppose my biggest fear is currently

is long-term sustainable income because

we you know when you lose everything and

I'm it's amazing some people I'm

attracting now as co2 coach them is a

lot of people in their 50s that have

huge skills and but they haven't really

been able to manage their business life

the way they needed to and and create

that sustainable income so I love

working so I'm going to be very happy

working well into my 70s and Beyond if

people still have me but creating some

sense of security into my old age is is

probably what what I suppose drives me

but also drives me negatively because it

is also a fear okay that's interesting

so a bit of a shameless plug here have

you thought about property investing as

I sort of yes I've not anywhere near

that place to be able to even consider

that well if you ever ask them please do

reach out yeah I will I appreciate that

and I will and I think we'll definitely

do that much thank you so much what

we're gonna do now is actually we're

going to completely mix it up now we're

going to go into what I call the fun

part of the show so at this stage of the

show all I'm gonna do is literally ask

you the most random questions that I can

think of from my list in front of me

you've got no idea what I'm gonna ask

you we're gonna do the buzzer for about

60 to 90 seconds so there are no right

or wrong answers so literally just say

the first thought that comes into your

head oh gosh that's very good god yes no

no you'll be absolutely fine okay we're

gonna start in three two one

what did you eat for breakfast my shake

the ability to fly or be invisible lie

what is the best thing about being an

entrepreneur Breeden if you could

eliminate one thing from your daily

routine what would it be

exercise what is the best gift anyone

has ever given to you my children would

you rather have a rewind button or a

pause button on life pause don't say

where your fame o'money

your proudest moment my children

graduating your favorite food choice

okay Netflix our YouTube Netflix your

number-one goal this year to help 34

people achieve their dreams your

favorite TV show ever pride and

prejudice

would you rather know how you would die

or when you were dying how if you could

sit with one person in the world for an

hour who would it be my husband speak

all languages or be able to speak to

animals all speak to animals and finally

if you could abolish one thing in the

world what would it be

religion okay fantastic so that's the

end of the fun part of the show it

wasn't that hard was it

no that's very good okay brilliant so

we're almost at the end of the show now

I just got the last final few questions

I just want to ask you penny and now the

next question is about reflection so

obviously hindsight's a wonderful thing

where we can always think of ways to get

ourselves somewhere quicker easier or

with less heartache but I guess the

journey also teaches us a lot as well so

what I want to know is if knowing

exactly what you know now you could go

back to a younger penny and maybe

whisper something in their ears to

inspire her for the journey that lies

ahead

what would you say it'll all be okay I

think I've probably just give her that

comfort really just that reassurance

it's just the reassurance yeah and that

actually suddenly brings us to the last

question then what for the show and

again this is something asked for all of

my guests and it's about legacy so if in

150 years time science fails to save us

all and all that's left is this book and

this book is about penny and her life

and everything she's accomplished and

all of the great wonderful things

firstly what would the title of the book

tell us and secondly what would the

blurb at the back read to us cost I off

the cuff yeah well the first the title I

thought was love okay and it would just

say that that love is the most powerful

force in the world and the more that you

can live within that energy and be that

energy and give that energy the better

your life will be thank you for sharing

okay brilliant so that brings us to

literally the end of the show and just

before I leave penny what I want to do

is give you a chance to connect with the

audience so if you wouldn't mind could

you please tell everyone listening how

they could reach you and maybe if you

have time and the capacity for them to

maybe engage with you that's very kind

thank you so I'm on Twitter so at penny

power I'm on LinkedIn so I'll be easily

found as penny power I'm on Facebook but

unfortunately I think I've just about

reached that five thousand limits and

I'm absolutely rubbish and got to put my

page right but I don't have a page I've

got a lovely community on Facebook

called the business cafe global and

that's a very caring very honest and

real community of small businesses I'm

on Instagram as penny F power and then I

have a website which is penny power UK

and on there there's different contact

forms that's fantastic and what I will

do is I will put all of those details in

the show notes thank you that's very

kind

no no you're very welcome I'll also put

a link to the book as well because I'm

looking forward to reading that myself

and I just want to say once again penny

thank you so much for your time today

it's actually been a fascinating talk

even the stuff we spoke about before the

episode and I just wanna thank you for

your time I want to thank everyone at

home as well

thanks for listening wonderful and

remember this podcast is absolutely free

so all we ask in return is for you to

share this with a friend and drop us a

five star review over on iTunes have an

awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Find your voice - Episode 19- "How to control your thoughts and manage depression" - Alex Roberts #19

Tagline: "Do what you want to do, not what people want you to do "

Alex Roberts, was a recommended to me by a friend and little did I know he was actually a neighbour...well almost! Despite sharing the same postcode, love for personal training, fitness, heath and mindset we also shared a lot of personal stories in this episode.

More so from Alex who bravely who showcases his vulnerability by openly talking about depression, anxiety and his struggles with grief and the loss of his father. A genuinely humble guy who has achieved success by just being himself and helping people on a daily basis. His approach to self talk has inspired and motivated me, and he hits on so many key aspects during this interview that we can all implement and take on board to enhance our levels of happiness and mindset

A shining example that what you see, isn't what you always get and the importance of never judging a book by its cover.

I thank Alex for his openness, his bravery and for being an all round great guy. I urge you all to support and follow his journey as he is a great person to know and connect with.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com

YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y

Links to guest:

Website: https://www.alexrobertsfitness.co.uk

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AlexRobertsPersonalTraining

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aliro898/

Have an awesome day

#JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so I'm extremely

excited to be bringing you Alex Roberts

to the show today and Alex is somebody

who was actually recommended to me via a

friend now alex is a personal trainer

similar to myself we have similar

interests but what really struck a chord

with me when I spoke to Alex prior to

him coming on this episode was he's

battled with anxiety over well and

depression now I can't diagnose myself

in depression because I've never been

clinically diagnosed with it but when it

comes to ins ie a novel one boy can I

relate so it was extremely interesting

to hear his side of this and I suppose

when many of you follow his journey

after this which I'm very soon you're

gonna want to do you're gonna see his

social media profile and think wow is

this the guy on the episode because like

many of us we judge a book by its cover

and Alex when you see his cover on

Instagram you wouldn't necessarily think

this is an individual who perhaps

suffers in the way that he explains on

this interview so I think without

further ado we're gonna get straight

into this and once again I just want to

thank everyone for their amazing support

we've now hit well over 100 reviews

thank you so so much for that

okay so firstly I just want to thank

Alex for coming on the show today how

you doing today I'm fine

you good where is good fantastic yeah

I'm not you're coming you sure it's

alright that's good stuff so I know Alex

briefly we've spoken obviously on social

media that's where we connected we're

actually neighbors we don't live too far

from each other actually five minutes

literally yes so I think it's important

for the listeners who are listening to

this

today to get to understand a little bit

about yourself so a little bit about

your story and basically what's brought

you here in your life situation today

I've recently been doing my own sort of

videos and songs are in depression

myself I've never really experienced any

mental health problems at all until I

lost my dad four years ago now yeah four

years ago I didn't had a single problem

didn't really suffer from anxiety

depression or anything but it seemed to

be that significant sort of traumatic

moment and brought brought a number of

problems okay as such so yeah I'd say

the 1 4 Matic man was obviously losing

my dad which then spiraled on to a

number of other things later down the

line a first sort of new heir sort of

mental health problems was funnily

enough when out in New York the

Christmas okay after I'd lost my dad

I was literally walking down one of the

streets going towards Grand Central

Station and I'm I just felt so like

overwhelmed it was said he was so

strained and that felt anything like had

just overwhelmed and I was just like

Bestway describing he was trapped inside

my own head rocky do you Jonesy no I

mean I sort of trapped in my own head

and I was I was just really overwhelmed

for no particular reason at all and

that's when that's um the main sort of

defining defining time where I sort of

felt and knew but I was suffering from

sort of mental elf right and this was

four years ago yeah how old are you know

if you don't want me that's for 27 so

you're 27 so around the age of 23 was

you so just for the listeners now

obviously I know you're a personal

trainer you've been doing personal

training for how many years five or six

five six years so you actually a

personal trainer at this point as well

yes okay so in terms of we'll jump back

to where you are now so in terms unlike

your general life going up to say 23

before this moment happened what kind of

stuff was you do was it was you always

into the training the model those inter

trained not not so much to mine okay so

the mind absolutely not I don't think

many of us know what

no I'm not yeah not a thing I was very

sporty I play good level of rugby player

after County fantastic I was at

university very very very carefree okay

I'd say I really didn't give it yeah

absolutely

very carefree very still I'm out going

to an extent now but slightly a bit more

reserved let's say we're very bubbly I

was on track with with Union stuff but

yeah in terms of tuning into the mind or

so into is my intuition if you if you'd

like and then when you had that tragic

moment when you lost your dad that's

when I started realizing order in a

second it's one thing training our body

it's another thing yeah yeah later

percent and have you so what have you

done then since then cuz obviously

you're similar to me in that respect so

I we touched on it briefly before this

sometime personal training myself right

yeah and I understand the importance of

you know looking after yourself

physically but more so now I train every

day more for this ya know Mike and

people don't get that people might think

is for aesthetics or for a six-pack or

something it's truly not yeah it's truly

two combines ie not have that V anymore

yeah is that something that you do as

well so I think now yeah training is

very much a part of me improving my

mindset as well now it's probably the

most essential thing for me now

so I know it's a difference when I don't

train serotonin levels drop in except I

know some big difference

lack of energy that's not now was the

that was the main one for me cuz I had a

week off my own training a couple of

weeks back and I was just tired and

waking up tired going to bed tired it

was just yeah boy it's one of them like

but then you start self sabotaging

yourself don't you for not draining them

well in reality your body needs to rest

but yeah I mean it's very important for

the mindset nonetheless and the more

people can recognize that yeah the

better creasy's yourself were you've got

goal you've got a target point you gotta

you've got a goal point focal point

mm-hmm so in terms of briefly you meant

like the mental health thing would you

call it anxiety and overwhelm or would

you actually call it depression have you

been diagnosed or is it something that

your yeah I mean oh yeah well I suffered

well still suffer from anxiety now okay

but I had my main by that bad episode

last January I have nowhere right

absolutely out of nowhere so obviously

when I lost my dad I was quite low and

Bobby that will be the best time very

numb okay maybe didn't understand as

much as I should have done what was

going on maybe so I sort of known to the

feeling's boffing last January that that

was a real scary moment or a scary point

I think my sleep started to go and once

you sleep starts where you don't deal

very well with all our suffering with

insomnia this was about two weeks so I

jumped on some medication friends are in

depression and slowly slowly start to

lift okay and it was quite amazing

really because we've in the space of a

year

I don't it's mad mad to think about a

bought Mustang right I traveled over I

know another free countries child

another three countries changed

workplaces again and I'm not saying this

was from the tablets whatsoever but I

also think another defining thing I

bought some of Tony Robbins he's content

okay a big mindset guy guru and I bought

his content and did that for three or

four weeks and that was a bit of a game

changer as well that's brilliant

so in the space of six months to a year

and switched from literally rock-bottom

I mean when I say rock-bottom I was I

had to move to my mom's for about two

weeks would you say you were ever

suicidal I had thoughts I've never had

never come tried to commit now I did

have thoughts but I would never do okay

I know but never done it but and yeah I

got to that I got to that sort of very

low point

just lying on a sofa watching the TV and

he was he was a terrible terrible part I

think my mom was really shocked as well

that I've gone from that to that point

in course here it was crazy

Wow and I was helpless to it mmm it felt

like I couldn't do anything like now

obviously in hindsight you can recognize

you were in this kind of slum yeah yeah

so in that particular moment would you

oblivious to it like how you acted right

okay not clear okay couldn't do a thing

it's crazy it was literally at zero Wow

and it was a kind of Tommy Tory Robin

sorry Tony well and it's fully enough so

watch these pearl he's got he's got a

program on that let's call them I am NOT

your guru yeah and I watched that every

day for like five days I'm going to cry

a lot yeah I was crying there's one

scene with it with the lady who had

suicidal woman yeah yeah that's what

pulled me out of it okay the suicidal

woman when she said like I can't cope no

more a car and that was a turning point

I vote no more of this now yeah yeah got

myself back into work so obviously at

this point I was in Ireland

okay I'm self-employed or wasn't earning

I'm off work I'm in January a really

busy periods of all these sports all

these sports are going on yeah yeah but

yet just completely overwhelmed felt

like I was way out of control

Wow didn't have a clue what was going on

how to tackle it so this six-month

transition now you've got you've got the

Mustang you've gone travelling you've

sort of lifted yourself back up again

yeah sort of finding your way again

yeah is that a recent event now are we

talking is that now her arm

how's your position right now good

strong fantastic strong I mean from last

January to this January's been very

strong okay and so on food threat this

year and just find that then so I

followed Tony Robbins I follow a lot of

pa yeah because I have to how I put food

in my mouth how I lift weights I have to

also put stuff into my mind yeah Bagon

on that sort of stuff whatever it is

whoever you you know you resonate with I

think you should put it into you yeah

yeah because otherwise you start

watching the news your thoughts are

completely the wrong way yeah in with

the way that I wouldn't recommend if you

want like a strong mindset yeah so so

that's it

and so what I want to know now is

obviously you're in a good place now

touch briefly on the gym stuff what's

your daily habits like now because I'm

thinking there's probably a thousand

people listening to this who can

resonate with what you've just gone

through the anxiety that feeling of just

being in a rock yeah and I believe that

motivation doesn't last forever and it

comes down to a level of discipline to

kind of just get over those bad days

yeah so what kind of routines do you do

on there like a daily basis I mean I try

my best to sort of get up the same time

every day quickly c'est quoi best 7

Harper 7 mmm saying you've got that

solid routine

I normally have breakfast as normal I

won't so I'll prep the food for the day

ahead or the on coming days because I'd

normally have gaps ok in between clients

I can pop em and prep all the food yo D

it's fresh then as well of course I'm

fortunate enough that I can come back

home and get obviously so I've got a

stress with crap not saying it's a bad

thing to prep into brilliant things yeah

absolutely I don't do that anymore I

could do so close myself yeah I can just

come pop back so they're not all go to

work do like my morning sessions maybe

straight through into the afternoon then

train and maybe come back then a few

more you need depends on what the

Diaries looking like okay nighttime I

don't really have caffeine past 2 3

o'clock ok I cook caffeine off I'm not

too picky with food late at night

doesn't it doesn't really bother me yeah

as long song again and that calories

that any impaired a that

really matter fury at 11 o'clock or not

more so more freedom like yeah I like to

sleep like yeah yeah say yeah

then I'll obviously do what I was going

on meeting where the chat with friends

girls whatever whatever's on the agenda

I don't normally train in evenings okay

not normally I'd normally have it

wrapped up by get out of the way free

p.m. yeah training do you listen to

books do you read books do you do any

gratitude or goal-setting or anything

like that yeah it's funny enough for all

you're gonna see this is mad as well

oh I'd actually vote when I was in this

row yeah or as I was just coming out of

it last year I droped some goals down

and every single one was it happened it

was AMA I wrote it down on piece of

paper and stuck on the side of my bed on

the cupboard and one was buy a new card

said Range Rover originally why don't I

upped it out a lot but that was one I

got a new car yeah trap wait this is so

weird since it said travel to free

another three countries you've never

been to yeah we're not in trouble I went

to Dublin I went to Budapest I went to

Zurich Switzerland

damn what was the other Craig this is

the craziest one I think once said moot

move Jim places because it will change

the game this was these worldwide okay

Andy

I did that you spoke about the lid yeah

plastic my mindset was gone from there

to learn so I wasn't particularly happy

at work yeah mr. just was not helping

matters whatsoever yeah but it was just

weird and every single one that I wrote

down yeah yeah and I didn't refer back

to him all until one day I just looked

him before yeah yeah well this is the

thing so I'm very big on personal

development like I pride myself on my

last job think I read like 50 books or

something okay and the first ever this

is this is why we were quite similar

when I was 25 I was working in London at

the time and the first person

development guru I ever found was 20

Robbins yeah so I was listening to his

stuff I mean one of these tapes he

mentions writing it down and the

importance of goals and I remember I

that particular point I wrote down

I think it was like two three cause a

common belief there Birnam the phase 2

and it was 2 1 buy a house and two to

buy a golf always wanted a golf croquet

you could never afford one like mom and

dad blessing they brought me a fiat

punto which is like the best time ever

yeah it was all we could afford and is

your first car loved it to bits but in

my head was always like if I can get a

golf kind of made it yeah and at that

time again in a row tip I forgot about

it until about two three years later and

I'm getting a Scirocco cuz they've just

come out a stroke I look hard before

yeah they are amazing my kind of the

fault of sure up so ever so I'm meant to

get involved it's just kind of like in

my eyes a bit man upgrade yeah and I've

got buying my first investment hold and

so it was weird because I remember

finding my books women burrows moving as

a what's this and I'll pretend it's my

goals and that's why every time I've

done it it has worked so now one of my

kind of practices on every morning is to

what my goals now nothing you've just

proven that yes yes because what happens

subconsciously you're almost seeing the

opportunities out there and you're

probably driving more towards a 100

percent so yeah yeah I mean I write

goals down and what was everything was

talking about I meditate 39 ok yeah it's

when I was struggling in that bad past

I've seen tell okay can ask what your

meditation process is I just use a any

YouTube app that I really can we're rich

one for grieving cried she just loved it

I mean this loads so simple it's a

simple matter of I'm just thinking for

the listeners get on YouTube the stuffs

out there type in minute yeah yeah for

however long you can do it yeah yeah and

until you fall asleep

really that's why also you do at night

yeah I do it at night I don't really

tend to do a probably a good idea

because if you're anything like me but

I've got to sleep and I'm worrying about

other things I've got to do the name

yeah that's how the brain works so it's

very seductive at night isn't it yeah so

I tend to do it at night and sometimes I

won't use it if I'm quite chilled I'll

just go straight to sleep

it'll depend yeah yeah so your food

obviously you're a personal trainer and

I'm probably the worst person trying to

give food advice because I used to

suffer with binge eating I would be very

flexible with my diet so if I fancy

something I'm just gonna eat it because

I don't have been doin it later yeah so

my diet is a bit like I do get responses

on Instagram but how are you eating this

again to me it's all about calories yeah

you know what goes into your body you

barely enough effectively European K

yeah yeah body composition so have you

got any particular foods that you eat or

again um now I mean so up more flex

we're gonna try and cut down like so

obviously I've been bulking for Trump on

some mass a while now I finally hit 15

stone plus now so I think I'm back down

to 15 stone now was 15 stone fight four

weeks ago

yeah I'm 15 stone now so I'm quite

regimented leave it now as I cut down

when I'm trying to bulk up I'm not as

recommending I'm still in terms of the

foods I mean I'll keep the same foods

like every I'll change them up every two

weeks so if a breakfast still be oats

whey protein powder and not salt Ana's

milk yeah then two big meals of like

chicken noodle stir-fry and the last me

that we salmon I'm right and I'll be the

same for two weeks and ostrich eat of

wire okay it seems to be working

yeah and then obviously hydration is

asleep yeah I have loads I only drink

water really water and tea I could

pretty much have the same food I suppose

on all the time my only thing is when I

first died I took a everything that

you'd consider open commas here a bad

food yeah and then what was happening

was I did that for about 18 months I was

so strict and the moment I stopped

dieting because I gave up boxing all of

a sudden mate I was in like 10,000

calories a day to that to that really

honestly to the point last um what would

be here I'd be out with the missus and I

couldn't buy the car back because I was

just like glued up like the night

professor horrible and what used to

happen was I used to beat up for two

days Friday Saturday sometimes

absolutely hate myself swear at myself

in the mirror and I used to go to the

gym three times a day up until the

following Thursday and then what I do is

I use down to like 1800 so I'm wondering

in overtraining and then all of a sudden

come Friday again when I go out for a

drink

I'm drink and obviously then you lose

all your common sense and I've do the

10,000 Kelly thing again slow so I'll

use this thing called my fitness park

which yeah mate he was like this just

like you all the time so I've got over

that too hypnotherapy and why I did it

and then that's why now I'm very

flexible in my process of said that you

percent my diet is like nutrient-dense

food you know that the stuff that you

years they're talking about but then the

last day if I want a biscuit or a

chocolate you're gonna see me do it

basically okay so yeah it's interesting

yeah yeah why were we accessible it's um

it's crew shoulder yeah I mean I wish I

had more of a nutrient-dense style at

yourself I just think there's also an

argument for sustainability as well yeah

you've got other diets sustainable and

you've got to enjoy it because that's

gonna have mental implications if not as

well if you're not enjoying your food in

it everything looks back to the point if

you're not enjoying your food you're not

gonna sustain it yeah therefore your

body's not maybe where it's supposed to

be or where you want it to be therefore

the mental problems coming it's all it's

all interlinked of course everything's

interlink to it and just on the mental

health thing there that you that you're

on about so would you say that's

probably the biggest adversity that

you've been through during that time and

for the listeners because I'm sure

through our life we're all gonna lose

somebody very close to us and go for

that sort of patch in our life

what were the lessons that you learn

from it and how did you fully get over

it god Jerry's the 100 percent the

biggest adversity I've never experienced

anything like that my entire life not

even when the day my dad passed okay I

didn't feel as bad right as I did last

January the emotional pain was just as a

sailor's overwhelming do you think it

was a build-up from I think every what

happened was rock so I went see a

counselor like last and late last year

going into early this year because I've

never I never had a proper bereavement

counseling and I still had loads of

stuff underlined and I think that's what

the bill that was okay so imagine having

that much emotional pain build-up for

what three years and just explode an

alpha to correlate shape yeah it's just

it's just gone explode in the air yeah

and I tell you in terms of the lessons

learn I think the bereavement counselor

definitely helped me to understand as

interesting the stuff and the lessons

that I learned were the grief has no

timeline

it's now got a time line there's no

proper way to grieve yeah yeah it's okay

to feel back you've got it you've got to

feel these emotions you've got to feel

the emotions and not subdue them okay

see if you subdued him you have an

episode like I did and that's I wouldn't

wish that wish that were my worst enemy

[Music]

another lesson was probably I learned

that I'm strong a lot stronger than a

fault of I thought you were yeah yeah to

get through that I mean there's not much

to phase me now to be honest if I can

come over that they're in the fin and

and this is one of the things I've tried

to do with this podcast as well

is I don't want somebody to go through

what you've just been through you know

to lose their parent and then go through

the pressure what I wanted to do is

realize the last point you said that was

just amazing it's but stronger than we

we know we are and that we think we're

capable of and I think the only way you

find that is by going through some

adversity or yeah I should never know or

should I be no no this is where I love I

love the gym and I love people that are

into the gym because when you go to the

gym you don't go there to have like a

luxury time you go there you put your

body in distress yeah provided how you

train and then you you're almost trying

to grow in that moment and I urge people

not just to do that in the gym to do

that through life as ah yes why I got to

probably speak in sessions when most of

the time I choke oh you go you're going

to like help you absolutely opt that

does I mention that the other thing

that's been really good especially for

yourself with anxiety as well I think

that's brilliant and the first few times

I've been there and they've asked me to

say something I'm just looked out every

wannabe luck don't say it's in number

one public fear though isn't it it is

and I thought in my head if I can

conquer that I can conquer anything and

I wonder way there now and I think like

two weeks four actually won the best

beat of the day coach me if you ask me

three months already left yeah you know

chances that's amazing though man yeah

so hence white but you're doing the same

things like you've had to come out of

this sort of dark hole and you've done

it and you've said some amazing things

they're like it's okay not to feel great

grief has no timeline and I think coming

from a male and most of you know if you

could follow Alex

paid so like Instagram in great physical

shape you're training people you're

going to come across as a sort of alpha

male or suppose yeah yeah cause there's

a vulnerability in what you're saying

and I think as a guy I think we need to

obviously it's best that more yeah

because we have this thing like bravado

like our culture our weaknesses and I

think especially meant to have one of

the things I'm working on this year as

are is really trying to raise awareness

for mental health yeah because my mom

suffered with it support people with

mental health and I think people are

yourself it make other people who may be

in a similar situation to yourself think

if alex is it 100 yeah yeah now you

won't believe the amount of people that

have told me to have gotta do you won't

beliefs add isn't it like I honestly

think most of the human race has it to

some probably got it some degree yeah

where some people just say you how about

a few years I've had people just come

out yeah about it for about ten years

right but I'm the on the surface

everyone's got masks everyone's got a

mess yeah some of the strongest people

are no wood on the surface successful

and they've come you have been

absolutely struggling for 10 years it's

crazy my anxieties but today I'm strong

yeah yeah and this is this is what I try

and be as transparent as I can on my

social media with everything I do

so ridership there something's gone

about try and say not to sound like

depressing because I don't want to come

across as a depressing life yeah and

it's almost like guys it's okay not to

be okay yeah or to have a shit day where

you just feel like you're in the funk

but I get those days but if course he's

gone wrong like I probably had the best

day before and I wake up the next day

feel absolute shit for note-for-note no

that's that's unfortunate the horrible

thing about yeah anxiety and stuff it's

it can just creep up on you for

absolutely no reason

hence why it did two years off well yeah

this was exactly and I'm overwhelmed

feeling as well oh there's there's been

overwhelmed moderately than has been

overwhelmed

completely with everything that you

can't control anything you you can't

even function under the day-to-day

routine if you ask me a question I reply

a very about ten-second

later Wow it's a serious very serious

thing very serious thing and you're

working on it now though yeah I think of

my massive yes inroads to it to be

honest and I honestly put that down to

the bereavement counselor okay so you'd

recommend anyone going through that to

at least talk whether it's with the

counselor you know some people have a

stigma attached to that but I think talk

is probably one of the most important

100% I mean I wouldn't see a really good

woman called Elaine at Walsall

bereavement center which is free yeah

yeah free of charge so I mean that the

system she's got there she's very she's

very very good I mean it just made me

understand my emotions more Jamie and

cosy I think the trouble with anxiety

feel completely alone with it down yeah

and you think the only one in the world

yeah yeah absolutely ten times worse

yeah see people need to understand that

you're not the only one going through it

and that in itself makes huge

improvement because you feel sort of

like the most worthless one in the room

is not make sense so yeah it's nice and

other people are soft it's nice to know

in a way people are suffering as well as

horrible as that I know what I mean by

that though I know it's nice to know

that people have the same infusion

problems yeah and I think if we lick

about twenty said earlier that's

probably the problem with society today

especially when you're hearing about

kids with like depression or kind of

symptoms they go I don't like social

media and seeing this perfect life that

everyone's portraying yeah that's not

that's not it it's like somebody might

post every brand new car or they might

post a holiday but there might be in

debt there might have had a bereavement

the day before so anything would have

happened absolutely and if what happens

is we see that as a snapshot now you got

to remember 99.9% of people on in the

world are already gonna post highlights

them on this follow us has great

reception we've see the good side

absolutely and and that's kind of like

the gift and the curse I think with

social media which is and again another

reason I do this is

say look yeah you got fantastic stuff on

your histogram you can learn a hell of a

lot about fitness and personal training

and stuff but there's a real person here

and you could probably learn more

valuable life lesson yeah yeah by this

interview that since 100% I think I

think the kids of our generation now

that didn't set up to fail that garbs

I'm sure they've got no chance because

they're coming to a world where they've

been handed this this phone here this

tablet here yeah and I think I was

listening so glad you know simon Sinek

yeah yeah yeah I was listening to some

of his stuff I mean he's basically

saying there's no way like kids now can

handle the dopamine fix of what they're

looking at the big good hormone fix

because they're they're obsessed of it

that as soon as air phone pings after

happy it's crazy

pick it up when they don't want you to

be happy about his own when you think

about it the grand scheme of things it's

just but I was just I was driving

through some place near Warsaw a few

weeks ago and I was just looking and I

was like the kids coming out of school

and every single one on the street was

on the phone I'm not talking about

one in ten every single one of them was

on the phone and a fuck I just refer

back to when I just call I was running

around

I mean running around and doing just

crazy stuff like I look at them now and

I think that you just been cell phone

it's not their fault I don't think it's

their fault it's not their fault

I think leeches are allowing some phones

into lessons are they now it's like you

said potentially setting them up to fail

isn't it I think we're kind of like a

good generation where we lived before

the phony era but also now we get to

benefit I suppose from like a work

perspective yeah so I fell into the trap

initially of like say like Instagram you

know you looking who's engaging my post

and stuff yeah I do now and I probably

said for the last four months is

whenever I write a post unlike what the

Facebook I use quite a lot I just turned

my phone off them and I only ever got

back to reply what I don't do is scroll

through Facebook and like other people's

stuff will follow other people's stuff

too much yeah is it all supportive but

because I don't want to put my mind in

that in that moment or no rage yeah

agente really thinking yeah

I'm doing enough or I'm not enough

because someone's always doing this so

just on my own something you have to be

a bit selfish that look this is what I

want to say if you resonate with it

fantastic if you don't mind past it but

I just want to get off my chest so are

you social media especially prayer

that's a way I just talked it to myself

and it's kind of like my journey yeah

yeah I can be like oh yeah you should

say that then how much I've got grown

since yeah if that makes sense

and that's helping massively because I

reckon if I was constantly on Facebook

and I've done it where I'm just watching

everyone and everyone's buying new cars

and doing crazy things and I'm like you

almost been inferior a little bit yeah

but as you said those points would

follow up at the same time how do you

know that person is in hasn't taken a

huge loan to pay that you just put on

the Instagram of the face but of course

yeah they haven't been given that

haven't won the car you didn't it might

be one those free options

you're never know any plug you

automatically think are their doing well

they're doing it right that's the phrase

new reality probably haven't got much

self worth custom I've been given the

car so Duty absolutely and I think the

most important thing is probably like

happiness that how happy are they really

oh yes well of course this is this is

the issued so it's all false

representations what they do is take it

on face value isn't it yeah this is it

as you say it's the the pros and cons of

social media media but I think now what

what annoys me is that I have to use

social media for business for business

at the same time I hate it yeah

Bono's gotta be done 100% that's that's

where oh yes stuck between ever to let

go of social media and just try and find

a way that you can live with it yeah

because it's only gonna get worse yeah

of course I mean we spoke about voice

hence the podcast yeah everything's

going to probably voice-activated

apparently there's a massive statistic I

don't know if the top of my head that

most people when they search into like

Google or Syria or something and I'm

probably talking about younger

demographic yeah they do

via voice so that's how much is changing

I mean that we're probably still used to

typing stuff and it's it's incredible

really I mean it's incredible how much

we've developed break I just wish you

know their whole mentor half side and

that sort of it was developing at this

yeah we said yeah it's um it's very very

scary for them yeah I don't know if your

clients on any one set stuff or yeah I'm

pretty much to go to guy oh yeah

fantastic yeah pretty much do you be a

good great advocate but very very very

much so and i've i've had people like

i've pulled people a depression i pulled

them have things by just doing what I do

really don't rely telling going from my

experiences etc regardless from younger

than them or not doesn't matter have

another different experience absolutely

but you have massively change people

it's mentally physically got more the

best periods

yeah what you do what you do but I mean

I'm not gonna name names I don't know so

enough like I mean there was one guy

trained is literally where I was in

terms of rock bottom he didn't lead the

house that he didn't leave the house and

he hadn't trained in how long and I

pretty much pulled him out of it he was

in this last year I think he was in it

they're not then I didn't know he

dropped before he was it fell a bit low

and poor mentally before I did so I I

fell into I fell into it I got back out

of it and pulled him okay sort of out as

well which is commendable because it's

probably the hardest thing just putting

yourself out yeah and I just remembering

like I was trying to I was trying to get

into work but couldn't write I was tell

himself yesterday I'm going back in and

fire comes to it and I can get back in

and I remember I'm just saying you just

take your time etc so eventually got

back in and now he's here and of a three

or four stone down fantastic at work had

a baby oh wow I love that me had a baby

yeah yeah loves these training so good

stuff good on you mate

so yeah he's on it now yeah I think

because obviously I did my qualification

I think about eight years ago my last

few clients I stopped at the back end of

last year they used to say the training

and everything yeah it's fine whatever

but they say we enjoy like the mindset

porks and stuff that I used to give him

love that side of it because you don't

know what people what stresses have got

on the life and you don't know what in

that hour our slot or whatever you have

yeah you don't know how much you'll

benefit directly because people I'll

tell you after G that you don't even

know what you do yeah you don't see no

yeah you don't see it yeah do you know I

mean and that's a special thing I think

that's a special thing about the job I

agree if you can change someone's life

around like that it's pretty bit there's

no better feeling better than earning

millions for some companies lately

absolutely you're gonna see not much of

oh yeah so would you say that's your

kind of motivation now like moving

forward or I mean what what keeps you

going now on a daily basis

that in itself only percent that I mean

I think you have to get to know people a

little bit more don't you their personal

goals what the one thing you can start

to build that rapport yeah and once you

start to build that rapport it means

even more to you doesn't it because you

lied the pass and you become be the best

digital yeah my similar so you're

rocking up into work and it's not even

work Jeremy you doing it for them and

let's just see the seem so grateful yeah

you made me want to go back there yeah

that's a big finger isn't it I mean if

you can if you can do that that's pretty

special I think of course but if you can

start to retune people's minds and

relationships with food exercise with

themselves it then impacts on the

personal life and other stuff like that

yeah you create a butterfly effect yeah

positive because I think if you if you

can start to improve that that there's

gonna be good things that'll topple over

absolutely from that closing the hardest

workers in the room in the gym and

normally the heart the most successful

people financially your family wise

relationship probably if you take that

level of discipline and work ethic into

the world it's all a discipline isn't it

under the most disciplined people are

most successful people and if you can

prove that in the gym probably one the

hardest I agree scenarios are going to

be ok I always look at someone and if

they're physically in good shape

you know you've got some good level of

disappeared another half hours yard work

I know you've had to probably go to

social events and not eat what everyone

else is eating or drink what everyone

else a drink lot you've had to make

sacrifices so I fully appreciate that

yeah a lot of people don't understand

that they'll call those sort of people a

gym free cause yes absolutely yeah

when you think about it now the matter I

always you've probably have to do to

change a physiques and our bodies and

it's incredible incredible amount yeah

but a lot of people don't understand

that and there are a hell of a lot of

lazy people yeah yeah hell of a lot of

lazy people which I can't understand I

don't understand how they've got to that

yeah how about that stage whoever its

tuning from a young age or Parenthood or

fell in with the wrong crowd

I don't know yeah do you know I mean so

I don't know it's one of the pillars

that are you so I was in corporate first

I went straight into business one of the

things that I wanted to do was to work

with people on a one-to-one basis so yes

I love the person training I do it more

and I sort of mindset basis as well lie

especially property and stuff but can

help them yeah develop and one of the

first things I'll say before I start

working with them is you gotta get a gym

plan

don't be talking to liver yeah one thing

for you to do before you do anything

else is work on yourself first so all of

them will have to do some level of

physical activity now whatever that is

it doesn't need to be lifting weights it

could be yoga ISM going for runs

whatever they want to do but you have to

do some level of activity yeah yeah I

mean that almost be any discomfort in

order to grow yeah and always do that

face because then I think like you said

if they're if they can work really hard

to give 100% on that they're nothing

okay that's a great trait with that

could work with that person's got

working yeah yeah whereas if they've

turn around but no I just want to learn

about this or making money but I

wouldn't do this I'm not okay I'm

probably not the right code for you yeah

because my coach is gonna be holistic

it's gonna be about everything yeah yeah

and I think you'll be great at that

I think obviously as your business

starts to expand in your personal

training you could potentially I don't

have your own franchise I don't know

what your goals are but because you have

both aspects of it I think you're very

really well yeah yeah it is a good thing

to tap into niche it's all interlinked

isn't it and it's only gonna get it's

only gonna get more

prevalent in society a hundred percent

so what's your fear now death right okay

I spoke to my Cantrell about this

because she was like when when you lose

people close to you rather than extended

family or someone who's not particularly

close to you you realize mortality cuz

until then you're immortal our ninja

know I mean you don't fit nothing you

really think cuz I it doesn't really

cross your mind you're invincible

through more so that death scares me

okay now yeah that scares me and I think

you just you've hit the nail on the head

there because if somebody hasn't gone

through death listening to this podcast

they're gonna think nice not really

resonating somebody who's been through

it it almost comes in your head on a

daily basis so I think everyone

everyone's going to lose some worth some

stage that's just the way the world

works you know we haven't worked out how

to survive forever and I lost about

seven people within 18 months no friends

or family

but prior to that I'm not really lost no

one so for me is like here soul and soul

has lost their granddad or the grandma

and I feel sad but that was it it was

very short-lived

whereas now yeah that whole death thing

I suppose it does scare me because I

think I don't know if this is my last

day hence why I try and like bust my ass

and work as much as I can to make sure

that if I was to leave today I've left

the world in a better place yeah if that

makes sense so is motivation it is right

it is you become more instantly you feel

like most things scarier and what was it

kind of saying now she was like

obviously once I lost my dad I felt like

I needed to do everything fast needed to

buy have sat down rah-rah-rah all of

these things because she doesn't know

how much time you've got and that's

that's unfortunate thing of this whole

realizing mortality send you in a rush

yeah that's where the anxiety sets in

yeah whatever nothingness by then that

resonates with me so much because I feel

I've got so much to do so many people I

want to help and I'm like I could be

gone tomorrow

and it scares me yeah so you're trying

to rush into it everything yeah and I

know that's probably not the right place

I I follow of course it's not yeah but

we know we know this for your tower

we're

president absolutely well yeah that

that's what she was saying if she felt

like oh my dad died at this age am I

gonna die at this age now yeah I've

gotta do this I gotta do that harsh in

order to this yeah and in reality you've

got all the time in the world really

yeah but in that moment in that

channeling yeah we exact it in your head

yeah but you can't get out of its it's a

parent and that's the UM

that's mortality isn't it do you follow

Gary Vaynerchuk a little bit yeah well

he started to grind on me after was it

yes he's a mob like Jota but one of the

things he says he's really good is he

says you should be impatient in there in

the micro I either short-term or patient

for the macro for the long-term which

when I think about it and why he says it

makes sense so it's like yes you should

work absolutely like 100 percent every

single day as if it's your last day but

still know your goals that you want to

achieve and stuff are gonna take longer

a bit like I suppose bodybuilding for

example yeah you're now on a cot for

example to get t-they it's not gonna

happen no matter how hard you train

today you're not going to get to that

body today yeah even if you've had the

best I ever today something happen but

what you can do is absolutely crush it

right now and then tomorrow repeat next

day repeat and then all of the sudden

you will you will get there as well yeah

so like that's one thing he says that

really resonates with me yeah but like

you said when you get that level of

anxiety and it it overwhelms you it's

difficult to think you're like you're

not thinking there's no clarity

basically your thoughts yeah yeah and

what what people need to realize like

you're in control of these thoughts you

can still control them you've just

you've gone down a path where you think

you can't control them do you know I

mean except every four is well within

the control we just don't know it like

when you're in that bad patch yeah

that's right and that's what I learnt as

well and that was with the bereavement

counselor yeah yeah that's powerful but

like you are in control of your thoughts

it's just a belief that you're not that

means you're leaving that you're not

when you are should we were before we

were before

before we had events and one not so many

I think about it a lot we were kids the

thoughts we have you're invincible you

know we were going to

Kaizen our heroes why can't we have that

an absolutely because somewhere along

life somebody's told you you can't do

something or you've fallen down and

rather as a kid where you keep getting

back up you've actually said you know

I'll stay down we're just going the

opposite way yeah yeah that's a problem

in it and it does take certain things

like these events traumatic events and

other events in your life that obviously

make up your thoughts do you know it

means in your beliefs your beliefs are

the one you start believing certain

things about the world and yourself that

comes out in your actions and your

beliefs are just a combination of the

thoughts yeah cause this is why you've

got a control everyone everyone's got

different millions of ways it's not just

us yeah of course

trust me when you get to a deep

conversation with someone you really

know what the thinking about you they

actually thinking that you know I mean

so you know we're not alone with that

that's what we've got and you are you

are in control you've just got to try

your best to control them it's a good

affirmation tough so I do affirmations

in the morning as well

so I say stuff like I'm no longer

anxious I'm not shy yeah yeah I think

you have to consciously make the effort

which is a viewfinder so you have to

consciously make yeah yeah because if

subconsciously I'm I'm not in I'm

potential everyone has to do this yeah I

can't see how you can you cannot do it I

think everyone does do it but we assume

the people at the top like you know

you're Dwayne Johnson you're Kevin Hart

celebrities they don't do it but they

did Wayne Johnson suffers yeah dad yeah

really badly rock is that everyone's

Idol

it's amazing mean yeah and you are you

are approaches of your your thoughts you

are you are your thoughts on powerful me

yeah but like people need to understand

you can't control them yeah if you want

to if you just let them spoil problems

isn't it absolutely yeah but what

they've got understand if you do have a

day like that that's fine push it into

the car but that's all and as well are

you better start to continue to beat

yourself up for another few weeks

that lifestyle enough disease we've real

saturations and without you behind some

horses or absolute making up these these

problems yeah which is what humans tend

to do we can we can sabotage ourself as

much as you want but we don't tend to do

to us so why should we do it to

ourselves but we Dukes it's easy

it's true though innit nice I'm not

gonna say to you what's going on in my

head about I won self-sabotage myself

then say the same stuff to you it's

deeper nasties or what to do yeah yeah

isn't that weird

do you know what I mean what so why why

why why do we think it's right to do it

to us ourselves he's probably the most

important at the end of the day I'm yes

sir if you think about it logically we

are actually the most important people

to ourselves yeah so yeah but it's it's

easy and it's easy to say to yourself

it's no one's gonna question okay we're

gonna go in three two one

what did you eat for breakfast squats or

deadlifts squats the ability to fly or

be invisible fly if your favourite cheap

meal Peter when your fame money your

proudest moment getting into the cam

here everything your favourite food for

years number one health to stay

disciplined biggest Fitness to me there

are certain foods that convert back

yeah definitely achieve your number one

goal this year travel more your favorite

TV show ever sons of anarchy

would you rather know how you will die

or when you were dying when your

favorite hobbies Jim if you could sit

with one person in the world for an hour

you would it be oh my dinero your worst

fear is a child dinner for your favorite

place in the world okay if you could

abolish one thing in the world what

would it be

murdering your favorite song ever death

match

order number read boys or predict the

future three times your favorite super

Europe Batman why his minds oh yeah

who's badasses yeah he's IV I'm finally

your biggest sprint organization okay

fantastic so the next question we're

almost at the end actually it's about

reflection so not really exactly what

you don't know because obviously now

you've worked on your physical health

your mental health you're in a much

better place so nobody exactly what you

know now if you could go back to a time

where you were struggling or maybe a

younger version of yourself and you

could whisper something in that person's

ear just to kind of make their life

easier I suppose growing up what would

you say it will pass

it will pass 100% it will pass me I'll

get bad you've got you've got to go

through this to grow and it will pass

very difficult to see the time yeah

impossible to sing yeah yeah

what it will party will pass a lot that

this isn't last forever yeah nothing

lasts forever

yeah so I'll have to send you a podcast

after this made their little East

Bhagwat similar kind of thing and the

guy on it he was talking about chaos and

how he just flipped the script in his

mind to say he enjoys the chaos because

of high resilience and how much strength

he's gonna build from it and how much

knowledge whereas a lot of us were kind

of trying to avoid pain and stuff where

he's that bring me down because I know

in six months time I'm gonna be much

yeah yeah

you almost let it enter right buddy

we're actually at the last question now

so the last question I always ask my

guess is if in a 150 years time science

fails to save us all and all that exists

is a book on the table and that book is

about you and it's about your life and

all of the great and wonderful things

that you aspire to do you want to do you

know you've done it but in order to make

somebody pick that up what would one

that I will say and two what would the

summary at the bat tell us about you tie

it would be something along the lines of

never give up the summary of my like

what yes I think about this wait there's

there's somebody gone to a book store

and they're looking at all these books

and they've turned it around now you

need to make them want to pick it up to

be like oh that's quite interesting

actually that sounds interesting so a

little bit about yourself maybe the

things you want to achieve how do you

want to be remembered but I just wanted

to say that you'd want to meet as many

people as you can make a positive

impression with everyone you come into

contact with never give up on anything

yeah until it's completely done and just

keep trying to live in the moment

keep trying to live in the moment that's

the only one you can control and just

keep do what you want to do not what

people what you have to do do what you

want to do because there ain't no time

for nothing else really absolutely

really I think I'd pick it up yeah yeah

yeah definitely me I appreciate so thank

you for that that brings us to the end

of the show now but before we leave and

I close it off I just want you to give

the listeners a chance to obviously

connect with yourself so I will put all

of this in the show notes anyway so you

can literally click on it by any app

that you listen to this one but where's

the best place to contact you mobile or

email okay I don't know if you want to

put your mobile direct down here yeah my

Instagram okay choose your Instagram

yeah yes let's go for it yeah it's a li

ro eight nine eight

okay fantastic

up or down the shoulders or you want

like snapchat Facebook anything like

that or a more I don't really use okay I

use Facebook obviously just type in Alex

Roberts okay then there should be a

naked man obviously yeah that's the

profile of course you person did but

yeah those two platforms okay brilliant

thank you I just want to say thanks

again to Alex for children to the Shonan

and for everyone else thanks for

listening and remember this podcast is

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Find your voice - Episode 18- "On the other side of adversity" - Tiana Barnwell #18

Tagline: "I don't want my story to be about my struggle...I want it to be Tiana Barnwell helped people, she came back, she gave back, she did it."

Tiana Barnwell is a shining example of what determination and focus can bring you. With a vision at 7 years old to go to Spelman College she achieved graduation via a few years in foster care (kinship) disrupting her life but never stopping her achieving her dreams. As stated in the subtitle, less than 3% of foster care children graduate from a 4-year college degree so its a shining example to all those out there, anything is possible. With such a wise head on her shoulders and a why that far exceeds her own personal goals Tiana is destined for stardom in helping people through her real estate dreams. Now graduating with job offers from Goldman Sachs she pursues her next adventure and continues to grow and shine a light on the world.

I urge you all to follow this incredible story and women who will be a household name sooner rather than later.

Thanks for listening

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Have an awesome day

#JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show

so today's story is one that is very

close to my heart and I'm sure a lot of

you will resonate with this story you

see I was on Twitter a few weeks ago and

I read this devastate in fact that only

3% of children who go into foster care

actually come out with a degree now I

was very very excited and actually

remember jumping up in bed when I

reached out to this individual and I got

an instant response because I

congratulated Tiana having read that she

was one of those three percents who

actually graduated and so she's

effectively gone from foster care to

Goldman Sachs which is the company who

have actually taken her on and I was so

proud of her

yeah at this time I had no idea who she

was I knew nothing about it personally

now the reason it touched my heart is

because four of my siblings have come

from the foster care system and it's

something where I try and be an advocate

for him maybe through this show maybe in

personal life as well where I want them

to know that there are no limits and no

boundaries on what you can achieve in

life and Tiana is a shining example of

that and I hope you genuinely enjoy this

episode because you see a girl here with

so much passion and enthusiasm for

wanting to change the world she's also

from New York so it was always great to

get somebody from overseas on here and

also to give them a platform where

hopefully this can help her in terms of

raising her profile inspiring other

children but I urge you to stay towards

the end of the show because she says

something that's really really important

and it really made me think after

releasing this show because obviously

tiles are important and getting you guys

to listen to the stories and engage is

important and she says something at the

end that really made me think about how

she wants to be remembered so hopefully

you enjoy it without further ado we're

going to jump straight into it and just

let me know your thoughts in relation to

her final words thank you okay welcome

to the show and today I am very grateful

to have Tiana on the show today somebody

who actually reached out to very

recently haven't seen her stories so

firstly I just want to welcome Tiana to

the show Turner welcome and how are you

doing today I'm doing well blessed and

highly favored thank you are you doing

today I'm very well thank you as well

thank you no Tiana is actually from New

York I believe is that correct yes I'm

from New York but I currently go to

college in Atlanta Georgia okay

fantastic so I think it's really

important obviously for the listeners of

this show to hear a little bit about

yourself a little bit about your story

because for me personally I've got a

soft spot for your story but I think

let's tell the audience a little bit

about yourself

so I'm Tiana I was born and raised in

New York and I currently attend college

stomache College in Atlanta Georgia so I

didn't really get here the easier

traditional way I was actually placed in

the foster care when I was in high

school my freshman year of high school

and with that came a lot of baggage

there were court dates there were

therapy deeds there was just there's so

much baggage that came along with being

placed in the foster care and it kind of

discouraged me a little bit from

applying to my top choice which was

filming I kind of just wanted to stay in

New York just relax just just get out

and and kind of just just be me and

initially I before I was placed in the

foster care I had not really told

anybody what was going on in my life I

was just kind of just going to school

going home occasionally staying with my

aunt sometimes and finally I decided to

speak up and speak out about what was

going on and that led to me being placed

in foster care and I wasn't in foster

care and what it's not a typical story

where I was placed in foster care at the

age of two

or something like that was placed in

foster care about 14 and I the main goal

was to return the parent so what I had

to do is I just got a therapy with my

mom go to therapy alone as well and just

work through the issues that were going

on and fortunately I was able to return

the parent and my mom and I have such a

great relationship right now so have you

got any siblings

yes I do have two sisters okay in the

house with my mom and I and my father

also has children so I have about ten

Sidley okay and in terms of going into

kinship ie foster care was that

something that was only yourself or was

it also the same with your siblings as

well

I'm just I was placed into foster care

actually okay well I think the positive

thing is what you touched on at the end

is that you've got a great relationship

with your birth mother how was your stay

and experience with in foster care so my

experience was it was good because

because it was kinship care I was able

to stay with my art I did have to meet

with a social worker every week and I

did have to do certain things like go to

therapy speak with a life coach and the

foster care agency I was actually really

amazing there the New York foundling I

mean they provide they provided

everything I could ever need so I had a

therapist I had a doctor who I could

always go to who was actually located in

the same facility as my therapist and

then I had amazing social workers who

would come check on me and not only

check on me but make sure that

everything with my well-being was okay

make sure that was meant to be okay and

even just take me out and and just talk

to me and also they provided a life

coach it was so amazing because I was

able to talk about different goals that

I had and being able to to just try and

grow as a person so I think for anyone

listening now Tiana you probably don't

know this yourself I was actually a

social worker for a very short amount of

time as well oh yeah so I mean the

reason I reached out to you is obviously

I explained earlier for my siblings come

from the care system so I gave up

my initial job as a project manager to

become a social worker to kind of I

suppose change the world and try and

help children in your situation or in

worse situations I mean I'm sure you've

heard the horror stories so I have a lot

of admiration for social workers sadly I

think especially in this country they're

they're put under a hell of a lot of

stress and it's a very very difficult

job so I'm just glad that you managed to

get some good social workers who were

able to obviously help you help you

develop as you explained earlier so if I

may I mean that's giving me a little bit

about yourself what would you like

growing up because for me I think

there's got to be personality traits

within you that have brought out some

level of determination dedication in

terms of going on in and achieving a

degree because I've done a degree and

it's no easy feat so I think firstly

congratulations on that but thank you

what was life like growing up was it was

it difficult or was it just this bad

spell around when you turned 14 pretty

much an average life I moved around a

lot so I was able to make friends the

bad spell did just happen when I turned

14 and that's when things kind of got

different but as a child I was always

determined

I always knew what I wanted like I

wanted to go to Spelman since I was

about seven and I knew that I had goals

that that were bigger than them being an

astronaut or being being something of

the such I knew I wanted to do something

that that was gonna make a difference in

the world and like like I currently have

my goals and everything and then when I

turned 14 that's when I kind of just was

unsure myself and I was well I don't

know what to do I don't know if I'm

gonna do what I actually want to do I

don't know if I'm gonna go to the school

I actually want to go to so that's when

I all of the kind of negative thoughts

set in and crept in and I was able to

talk them out like through therapy and

everything and kind of just say well

this is hard for you and this is what

I'm going through you know I had so much

I had so many goals I wanted to

accomplish I had so much in me that I

just wanted to get out and spread and

from between the ages of like 14 to 17

it was really hard for me

lashing out and just not being the

question that I was destined to be okay

well that's interesting

firstly I think you've got a very wise

head for a 21 year old to be writing

down your goals and having such big

aspirations I know when I was 21 the

last thing I was thinking about was my

goals it was more about where's the next

pie or what we do tonight so it's nice

to know that obviously you yes you've

been through adversity during the period

of 14 to 17 but I think it's important

that we stress especially for the

listeners here that the importance of

goal-setting and this is something I

suppose I do now as a slightly older man

is writing down your goals because I

think there's a power when you write

down your goals and especially yourself

you knew that you wanted to spread

something else you knew you had these

goals where you really wanted to make a

difference in the world similar to what

I'm trying to do here in this podcast

could you share any of those goals if

you wouldn't mind yes so my main goal is

to actually open a chain of hotels

internationally I'm starting in Trinidad

and I want to do hotels because hotels

are not going anywhere

even with disruptors like Airbnb VRBO

and things of that nature

hotels are always gonna be around and

they can always adapt to fit onto

platforms such as Airbnb and hotels or

something that is that is gonna bring in

a lot of money and I and I need requires

financial stability because once the

hotel is thriving I'm gonna be able to

put some of that revenue back into the

community that the hotel is located in

about four to five percent of my revenue

from that hotel and then I also want to

take about six to eight percent of the

revenue and bring it back to communities

like the one I'm doing in New York or

some of the communities that I see

around Atlanta so that way I can create

economic stimulation in environments

where people don't really have all of

the resources they need so I want to

open up job centers recreation centers

and park so that everyone in a community

can benefit from this hotel that I have

rather than whether they're young or old

or unemployed or employ and just have

a backbone unity in the community the

type of community that I grew up in now

that's really my goal so that way so so

that way the community that I'm building

in is benefiting and in the community

where I came from is benefitting so that

there's no one left out that's so

inspiring

that's incredible I'm sitting here

smiling I mean I know you can't see yet

then really I'll just say there's one

ticket she caught me 21 just here and I

mean actually giving me goosebumps

because there's a couple of things

actually I want to touch on that so

firstly your awareness to the

marketplace so I'm a property investor

as well full-time so I also deal and

double in air B&B and book it calm so

the fact that you're aware of their

potential threats to the competition I

say as a hotel is fantastic I assume

you're going back to Trinidad because

that's where your roots are initially

I've had some friends from there and we

go at least once a year and visit and I

just heard such amazing things and I

know that the hotel industry is booming

over there especially with things like

carnival okay that's really interesting

and then the fact that you still want to

bring that back to where your current

community is right now and that's in New

York I believe yes communities that that

mean mmm I love that I love it it's it's

funny you said that actually because I

wrote I was doing when I'm a Instagram

post this morning now I always try and

say like inspirational motivational

stuff and a lot of the reasons I do that

it's kind of like must me talking to

myself if that makes sense so I'll throw

something out into the atmosphere and

it's kind of just me basically trying to

motivate myself in that moment if that

makes sense and one of the things I said

today was like I think it's an old quote

is be the change that you want to see in

the world and I just get that from you

that what you're trying to do is trying

to create this almost like a ripple

butterfly effect within your community

and I just think that's really really

inspiring and I'm sure people listening

to your story and watching you do these

amazing things which Tom I'm confident

you're gonna do I think it'd just be be

wonderful to see thank you thank you so

much absolutely so I'm quite eager to

find out about

people in terms of their routine and the

reason I'm very sort of focused on

routine is because I believe motivation

wears very thin in life and I think

discipline is very very important

especially if you want to achieve

substantial goals a bit like yourself so

could you just kind of give us a day in

the life of tiana and the kind of things

that you do maybe that younger people

listening to you now who maybe want to

follow your footsteps or take

inspiration from your story can perhaps

implement well so my daily routine I'm

away at school right now so I don't

really have to say anything day-to-day

but I do start my day the same way every

day and what I do is as soon as I open

my eyes I checked the time and once the

same prayer I say you know good morning

Donald thank you for putting life into

my body for breathing air into my lungs

for putting a beat into my heart and

then from that from there I go on I talk

to God about different things I want to

accomplish throughout the day I talk to

God about my friends about my family

only just different things just so that

I can maintaining and continue to

strengthen my relationship with God so

after that I get a find my clothes I

lived with my best friend on campus so

typically after I like get up and

stretch and everything I walk into her

room she thanks God for open your eyes

sister chat we talk it doesn't matter

about what we just talk and we get like

energy flowing happiness flowing going

and some marriages do my daily routine

to get ready and everything and then I

go outside and I I'm gonna mount us so

typically it's sunny I got outside and I

sit in the side for as long as I can

just so that I have energy from the Sun

just so that I'm happy because you know

it's like instant happiness

absolutely absolutely really so I make

sure I'm saying the Sun and I stand in

the specific spot on campus directly in

front of the stomach college mouse in it

and I talked to my friends they'll come

join me or something like that and then

I just go about my day and stay hydrated

doing random word when the finance

throughout the day I'm in my senior year

currently so a lot of my a lot of my

random data bank finance are things just

kind of the last-minute things I need to

graduate like different surveys I have

to do different checklists I have to

look at things like that

and I always make time to spend my

friend starts and then throughout the

day make sure I'm begging God throughout

the day and focusing on my goals like

whenever I lose sight of why I'm doing

something just say you know Tiana it's

bigger than this it's more than this so

course you know I just keep going just

keep going I love that I love it that's

so powerful I mean obviously your day to

day is gonna change once you fully

graduate and then you're going to

employment but I think there's certain

characteristics you've said there such

as your gratitude and your goals and

obviously that's probably through your

connection with God way sort of portray

those I think that's really really

important it's something that I've

started doing recently myself I wake up

every morning and I write three things

that I'm grateful for and then I will

look at my goals and I just think

especially in life when life doesn't

always go the way we planned just having

that rooted at the start of the day it's

only helps move us forward so I think

that's really really powerful that you

do that so when things are going bad

then if we just go back to that in that

period say for instance where you were

14 to 17 you were feeling lost slightly

off track I suppose in your life was

this gratitude element of your life

something that you kind of sidelined or

was she just very difficult with all the

toil more that was going on honestly it

wasn't there okay it wasn't there I was

just wake up go to school

jab court no drug therapy okay what I

have to do today is like I wanting it

for example a sophomore year and the end

of freshman year I played sports so I

was like can I even go to practice today

or do I have to do something else oh

great I have to do something else

perfect let me just tell coach I can't

make it again and there was just kind of

like frustration like you know I can do

this I have to do that alright I'm just

ready to go to bed I just want to go to

sleep juice like the only place I really

want it to be one school and there would

be points where I couldn't go to school

because I had to go to court or

something it's a I've to go to court or

maybe the doctor to get checked out or

something like that and all I wanted to

do was go to school I have a good time

with my friends and see my friends and

my favorite teachers okay okay that's

interesting so again something I just

want to pick out there the thing that

keeps you rooted now and so focused in

terms of achieving your goals was

missing during those four years yeah and

this is an important thing so I always

when I work with people I try and get

them to have some sort of good routine

ie through discipline so for example

working out staying hydrated being

grateful and I think these things

although they might seem tedious at

first if you let them slip by the

wayside life can kind of become a bit

chaotic and I know myself especially

when I'm up in the morning I try and get

these small wins in first thing in the

morning and that certainly helps me

I suppose tackle the day and I think

you've probably noticed that Nabal with

yourself as well yeah okay so just going

back to the whole 14 to 17 year old

common I graduated looking at where you

are now what would you tell a child who

may feel different who may recognize

that they're from or they've had to go

into kinship or foster care maybe

struggling through that level of

adversity would you give them any sort

of advice or is there anything that you

think you could perhaps recommend to

them so they don't really lose focus and

go down the path I suppose 97% of the

other people do where they kind of fall

back into the system again yes I

definitely have advice when you when you

start to feel yourself like becoming

somebody who you know you're not that's

when you got to step in and you got to

say you know what this is

me this is not who I am this is not how

I act and you have to really just catch

yourself you have to you have to be able

to take notice when you're changing and

from that point that's when you need to

start talking to yourself that's what

you need to start writing your goals

that's when you need to start planning

things and once you start planning and

once you start talking to yourself and

once you start talking to other people

as well that's when things are gonna

change you're gonna want to set goals

you're gonna want to have hope you're

gonna want to think long term one thing

that really helped me was thinking long

term I knew that I wanted to get to

Spelman and for for a few years I didn't

lose sight of stomach but once I

realized Spelman is where I want to be

and I know Stormin is right where I want

to be that's when I was able to get the

help I needed us and I was able to talk

to people and do exactly what I needed

to do to get this film and despite like

big years I've struggled in the years

that I didn't really have what it what

it took to get me to spell it I mean you

also gotta just be prepared because it's

very difficult it's difficult because it

seems like you're all alone it seems

like you're not you don't have anyone in

your corner you don't know what's going

on you don't know what's coming next but

you always have to have hope and you

have to have faith you have to doesn't

matter which God and pray to you have to

have faith in you have to try to

establish a relationship one thing that

I can say is I didn't really have a

relationship with God that day I really

didn't get such a strong relationship

with God until I got to college that's

amazing that's erm that's really useful

thank you for sharing that so there's a

couple of things I've just taken from

that is the first one is obviously

having hope or faith and I think you hit

the nail on the head there it doesn't

matter what God you believe in I think

just having faith in a better future in

a better circumstance or not an outcome

somewhere in the distant future is going

to keep you inspired and I think you

touched on it earlier as I when you said

Tiana this is bigger than you and I

think when you have a purpose that's

maybe slightly bigger than yourself that

can keep you going as well definitely

that's really really important but

another thing you touched on there and I

suppose I can relate to it to some

degree is when you said

feeling of being alone and I can relate

to children in the care system

especially within the UK because I feel

that do you feel that they're alone

sometimes and there might not

necessarily have that support network

and I assumed you obviously had a very

good network around you I know you said

you had good social workers you had a

life coach how was your friends or your

extended family within that time as oh

did you have a good community there as

well who served as my foster mom through

kinship care I had a great relationship

with her and with my grandmother and I

maintain the relationship my sister um

my extended family they didn't really

know too much about what was going on so

I did rely on my relationship with the

family that I had in New York and I rely

on the relationship with my therapist as

well you're probably fortunate that you

had that relationship there because your

network can determine your situation so

much if you've got a bad Network then

obviously you're almost destined for

failure I suppose yes yes okay so where

you are right now things are obviously

going the way that you wanted to you had

this dream from a seven-year-old that

you want to go to Spelman you had a

little bit of a wobble in between but

where you are right now you've picked

yourself back up you're now focused you

found God you find this new sense of

belief what in this current moment now

scares you I'm graduating in 33 days and

what scares me is that I won't be ready

I'm not prepared to go into this world

and live as an adult and handle

everything that comes along with being

an adult that's that's one of my biggest

fears right now I'm kind of I've been on

this campus for four years I'm kind of

scared of course no man has prepared me

for everything and they've given me the

lessons that I need to go anywhere but

I'm still afraid of what's waiting for

me outside of these gates beyond filming

and ex-kgb cable of course I plan for

this is my I'm trying to get out of here

I gotta graduate but there's next year

if something that's so unknown I've been

in school my entire life

and I'm leaving and starting somewhere

new I'm sorry fries I'm just I'm cutting

that that's my favorite I'm gonna fail

I've been waiting so long to get here

and I'm gonna leave the gates yeah

that's so interesting that you say that

because here you are having this dream

as a seven year old you know literally

on the cusp of you've achieved it you've

done it now all of a sudden you've got

this new sense of fear and I suppose one

that shows your vulnerability which i

think is it's nice that you're you're

displaying that because I think whatever

transition you go through in life it's

an element of growth and you can never

really be ready for growth so it is

daunting whether it's getting married

whether it's having a child or whatever

that particular circumstances but from

this very very short encounter with

yourself let me tell you something you

are a hell of a lot more intelligent

than I am I seem to do okay after I

graduated I went to university twice so

I went back to study my Social Work

masters again at transitions so your

emotional intelligence is fantastic I

think also you have an advantage and you

should always remember this is that the

life lessons that you've been through

even during that short period of time

from 14 to 17 to 21 it's built a level

of resilience in you that you may not

know that you have yet but I am

confident that if you continue your

faith in God and your spirituality and

you keep having these goals to produce

these incredible hotels in Trinidad you

will be absolutely fine you've got

nothing to be afraid of you're very very

intelligent thank you so much that means

so much hopefully in about six months

time I want to get a message from you

whether it's on Twitter or Instagram and

just tell me how easy is because I'm

sure you're gonna fly wherever you go

absolutely I'm looking forward to

hopefully we maybe get you back on as

well just to kind of see the word that

you're doing as well so that would be

fantastic as well absolutely so I

suppose we kind of touched on this next

part a little bit I'm always fascinated

by the way people think and one of the

things with myself is I have this crazy

thing where I motivate myself by

thinking about the worst things that can

ever happen

so I call it morbid nightmares and I

will wake up in the morning and I would

think of like

the worst thing that could possibly

happen and what that does is it kind of

shifts my ass into gear to go out there

and seize the day and really try and

make a difference try and help as many

people as I possibly can and really try

and leave nothing to chance

so that's just my kind of thing that

keeps me motivated what kind of things

in this current moment right now keep

you motivated to go out there and build

these hotels and then change the world

I'm not gonna get employment after

college so maybe I should get up so I

kind of use days where I'm kind of

slacking I don't know I gotta go to this

class because if you don't go to this

class then you're going to fail and if

you fail then you can't graduate if you

don't graduate you're letting your old

family down if you let your family know

you're still gonna be at Spelman for

another semester and somebody has to pay

for Spelman for another semester which

is not gonna it's not gonna fly with

anybody so I'm not yelling me didn't get

out of bed her name is MIA okay and

she's actually so when I was in kinship

care she was in the house as well she's

my daughter okay um and she's really

someone that keeps me going because

she's she looks up to me and she's one

of my favorite people in the world I

mean and I'm I'm really excited cuz she

actually let me want to spell me but I

see you know this shot is so bright and

I know that she looks up to me I know

this child is so destined for great news

my under sisters she's eight yeah it's

not setting you of course Oh

but my younger cousin is 17 and I got I

want to be there for her and I want her

to continue to look up to me I want her

to see me and say you know what that's

Fiamma this is my family I wanted to go

beyond what I'm doing I want her to be

better than me stronger than me and and

I just love her so much I just love that

so I've got three points I want to touch

on just from your answer there so the

first one is it's nice to know I'm not

the only person thinking of morbid

nightmares in the morning so there's you

and me there so that was fantastic

because it does really help I mean I

suppose some people have a

fight-or-flight response and knowing

your personality is probably similar to

mine that we have all these kind of

morbid nightmares or thoughts and then

all of a sudden we fight it as opposed

to running away from it so I think

depending on your personality I choose

which way to go the second thing is I'm

sure Mia is so proud of you and I'm sure

you're a great great role model to her

so you should be very proud of yourself

that you have someone who looks up to

you and I'm sure you're doing an

incredible job with that the last thing

that I really love that you said is

there's a brilliant quote and the quote

says they want you to do good but never

as good as them right and I I get that

because I see it so often within like

the industry and I suppose when you go

into corporate world or whatever you do

in life you're gonna you're gonna see

people who will help you up and in the

moment they might see you surpassing

them they will automatically either

switch off or their will their won't

help you as much if that makes sense and

it's beautiful thing that you want Mir

to be stronger than you to be better

than you because that's exactly how I am

with my siblings so my siblings are all

younger than me and my dream in life is

for them to have it all figured out by

the time they hit my age today and I

wanted more to be financially more

secure I wanted to be physically better

mentally better so it's just lovely to

hear somebody say that and hopefully if

Mia hears this back as well I sure know

how important she is to you as well yeah

absolutely yeah just don't start crying

I can imagine you getting emotional

about that's lovely

what we actually do now is we go into a

little bit of a fun part of this show so

if you're ready I'm gonna literally jump

straight into that we're gonna start in

three two one

what did you eat for breakfast water is

that it okay sorry doc the ability to

fly or be invisible your favorite

subject at school money your fame play

your proudest moment your favorite food

prayer words Netflix or YouTube Netflix

your number-one goal this year

favorite TV show ever would you rather

know how you would die or when you were

dying how your favorite hobby love or

money love books or movies if you could

sit with one person in the world for an

hour who would it be your worst fear as

a child being forgotten words what is

your biggest addiction my phone your

favorite place in the world that's

outside speak or languages will be able

to speak to animals if you could abolish

one thing in the world what would it be

and finally your favorite song ever um

it's called it's supposed to be a

favorite song okay okay I've not heard

that one but I've just written it down

so I check it out afterwards alright

I'll check it out anyway okay brilliant

so back to the interview part we've got

two more questions I would really want

to ask you so knowing exactly what you

know now Tiana with all the knowledge

and all the wisdom that you've acquired

in your short 21 years on this earth if

you could go back to a time let's use 14

as an example where things had just

started to take a turn probably for the

worst knowing what you know now and you

could whisper something to a younger

Tiana at 14 years old what would you say

I would tell her to keep fighting keep

fighting keep trying and I gave up for a

period of time so I would stress don't

give up just keep going you know as

as instead of finding Nemo just keep

swimming just keep swimming and I would

I would tell me that I'll say it's all

worth it it all works out and you just

have to keep going and keep pushing keep

striving I love it just keeps him in

Nemo style I love it okay brilliant

suddenly that actually brings us to the

last question and the last question I'll

again always ask my guess is if in 150

years time science fails to save us all

and all that is left is a book and this

book is about Tiana and it's about your

life and everything that you've achieved

all the wonderful hotels and everything

amazing that you've done in the world

firstly what would the title of the book

say and then secondly if the person was

to turn over to the back what would it

tell us about you I think the title

would be on the other side of adversity

or life not according to plan and the

blurb on the bag would kind of they

would talk about it would talk about my

greatness as opposed to like everything

that I've been through my struggle would

be such a small portion maybe two

sentences but I really want my story to

focus on not what what I was able to

accomplish and who I was able to help

and how my plan my businesses were able

to give back and create something in

various communities and multiple

communities across America I don't want

it to be this girl was in foster care

and she made it out and now this is what

she did I wanted to be Tiana bond will

help people Tiana bar wolf came that she

came back she gave back and she was she

was there hmm I don't want my story and

foster care to be the main focus in my

life I just love that I think that's so

so powerful and I think so many kids

from foster care or people that have

been through so much adversity probably

want the same thing so thank you for

sharing that actually because that's

what I think the world should have more

of but I think we're also in a society

where if you say TR and Obama came from

foster care and achieve this it kind of

sells more papers it gets more retweets

it gets more teaching

well I think is brilliant because just

thinking about this episode that we've

just recorded now it's been a very happy

inspiring episode and I'm very grateful

for you taking that approach as well and

steering the episode that way as opposed

to we could sit here we could cry about

the year of what it was like going into

kinship care for example but instead

what you said is this was a wobble in my

life you reflected on it you realized

this was the person that you wanted to

become the person that Tiana was meant

to become is kind of strive and do so

many more amazing things and you managed

to change that you change your habits

you went to university you're now

graduating and I just think I stand here

and I mean to be honest we're complete

strangers but I'm just very very proud

of how far you've come and once again I

think you're gonna do amazing things

thank you for sharing your story thank

you thank you so much for reaching out

thank you for giving me the opportunity

to come on podcasting and talk and you

know potentially touch so many people

who are in a place where I was

absolutely I think we should all

actually take one great lesson from what

you've just said is that we shouldn't

just look at people for their

circumstances or how they're positioned

in a family we should rather look at

their greatness that they already have

within them and I and I've tried to do

this with my siblings as well because

they all have their own unique skills

and like talents and I think you've

shared a very very valuable lesson there

so before I close the show Tiana what I

want to do is give people an opportunity

to maybe interact with you who have

followed this story who resonate with

your story to maybe follow you on

Instagram Twitter or whatever other

social media platforms that you use so

if you wouldn't mind could you please

share some of your platforms yes so my

Instagram is underscore CIA and a K V

underscore and my my Twitter underscore

TK V in Gigi okay fantastic what I will

do is actually take the exact addresses

and I'll put them into the show notes as

well so people can literally from the

episode click it and then follow you and

hopefully engage

via that I think also if you wouldn't

mind as well let's keep in touch because

if it's anything to do with real estate

I'm always interested in perhaps

investing or being a part of it and

again if there's any sort of social

enterprises or anything you want to do

socially I'd always try and find time to

try and make an impact on that as well

so certainly please do you keep in touch

I will I will definitely keep in touch

with you an amazing yeah yeah I thought

I always like to try and mix it up but

honestly I just want to say once again

thank you to you I want to also thank

the listeners at home thanks for

listening thank you and remember this

podcast is absolutely free so all we ask

in return is for you to share this with

a friend and drop us a five star review

over on iTunes have an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Find your voice - Episode 17- "Wonderfulness of Life" - Louise Blyth #17 Part 2

Tagline: "Be the captain of your fate and master of your soul"

Louise Blyth, is an incredible lady who has experienced losing the love of her life, George Blyth tragically from cancer. With cancer now affecting 1 in 2 families it is a common occurrence so many of us face in our day to day life. But unlike any other story Louise world took a massive turn upon the sad death of her spouse and soul mate.

Experiencing a supernatural event during his last few days Louise beliefs, perceptions, outlook and whole world had been turned around where she found herself finding, what she describes as "the greatest love all of us could ever know"

A 2 part special episode, this incredible story does not lean on an emotional tale which will have you in tears of sadness, despite its tragic theme. Instead, tears of happiness seeing someone recover from grief and finding a bigger purpose and understanding of her being in the world takes over the story's narrative and leaves you feeling rather refreshingly happy that in such a sad circumstance someone can continue their life in a positive, fulfilling way.

Now a widow of 2 children, Louise has created The Wonderfulness of Life which focuses on, Happiness being a choice and a state of mind.

I am sure you will all agree this story truly warranted two episodes and if anyone can take anything positive away from this, it is to cherish all the moments we have with our loves ones and find blessings in whatever cards we are dealt in life.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

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Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com

YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y

Links to guest:

Website: https://www.thewonderfulnessoflife.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/louise-blyth-207a7a49

Instagram: https://instagram.com/wonderfulness_of_life

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/louise.Blyth83

Have an awesome day

#JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice I

am the host of the show so this is

actually the second part of a two-part

episode so if anyone has accidentally

stumbled across this episode first

please do go back and listen to part one

which was literally I a couple of

minutes ago now this episode is

incredible and I want to keep those who

have literally followed it from Part one

straight to this part keeping it in flow

so I'm gonna stop talking on the jump

straight back into it so Louise ended

the last episode by talking about how

she was in the presence of something she

described is almost supernatural so what

what happened at the point of his death

is I went from not believing in God to

believing in gods in the space of a week

and that has changed my life as much as

George's death has changed my life which

has in turn changed my daily practices

if that makes sense and my day is now

rooted in some practices around faith

because of that because I've never been

more certain that God exists say could

you elaborate on that I mean I've got no

problem missing out some of my pointless

questions because this is this is more

prevalent if you wouldn't mind so what

what would you like me to elaborate on

the which part of the story just to put

context into one interested in this

little bit in particularly I am an

atheist and the reason I say I'm an

atheist now is because I grew up as a

Sikh and I was very I say somewhat

religious and when I heard I had it in a

space of 18 months I lost seven people

66 family members and what and one

friend and I had a very similar outburst

in

private which have never cheat on Norma

where I had the kind of it was like it

was like when you shake about sorry

apologies I said when you shake a bottle

of coke and then all of a sudden tell

you you know whenever you talk about God

you always get interrupted that's so

funny that your favorite so good you

could touch a rafter with us so weird as

well because that's never happened in a

podcast previously yeah whenever you

talk about God you always get

interrupted Wow

for me my logic is just simple it's

stick to science and it's if there was a

god then kids wouldn't suffer kids

wouldn't just be killed there wouldn't

be all this horrible stuff happening in

them and I've kind of justified it that

way but I just want to bring this

straight back to you yeah so like I said

you know I was an atheist I didn't

believe in God I didn't think God was

real I thought that you know so I've

obviously grown up in the UK where I've

been to school where I've learnt Bible

stories so I knew some of the Bible

stories I knew about Jesus but I didn't

think Jesus was the son of God I thought

Jesus was a good guy from you know two

thousand years ago he'd done some great

things and maybe over time his his his

achievements have maybe kind of been

exaggerated is how I it's genuinely how

I looked at you know the gospel in the

New Testament and you know religion

wasn't something that featured in my

life at all so the very fact that I felt

I felt like I had nowhere else to turn

was and the fact that I tend to God I

mean I can't still explain what it was

logically that made me do that because

at that point in time I wasn't my brain

wasn't working in a logical way it was

all based on heart not on head if that

makes sense in terms of the actions that

I was that was undertaking but what what

then led me to believe that God was real

was incredibly powerful so essentially

and I'm really mindful now that I'm not

going to do this survey at this story

it's justice which is why I'm writing

the story down because essentially what

happened was I was introduced to

somebody who I didn't know through a

really really good family friends who

asked if they could pray for Joe

which you kind of go okay that's not

that weird that's that's that's not that

odd but what happened was and what and

what I've realized since I picked it is

that that introduction came after I'd

made this cry so after I'd made this cry

this family friend got in touch with me

and said look I've met this girl and she

seems to be like a really devout

Christian and she didn't she's she

thinks that maybe there's some level of

of healing prayers that we can do for

George now what I didn't know at that

point in time was their healing is you

know central to all of the stories of

what what Jesus did in the New Testament

so obviously Jesus did a huge amount of

miraculous things which I always talk

about to get my head around like this

how can this person be doing all these

things okay but there's a lots of

stories in the New Testament where Jesus

heals people who have paraplegic who are

blind who have bled for 12 years all

these different things so healing is

essential to Jesus and the way in which

Jesus can work and again I knew non of

this and this girl had offered to pray

for isn't and offered prayers of healing

and at this point in time I'm literally

like I'll take anything I'll take any

one course to give us anything we were

so desperate and again to cut a really

really long story short we ended up in a

situation when George was quite

literally on his deathbed and it was it

was hideous our and like he was he

declined incredibly quickly so again I

don't want to sort of put fear into

people's heart because this is a story

of beauty but you have to understand the

pain that he was in to be able to

understand the beauty and the miraculous

of what happened because he was in an in

an inordinate amount of pain so he

basically after that day when I went out

and told me he wasn't gonna die anytime

soon

a few days later was admitted to

hospital and just went downhill day

after day after day and it was it was

disgusting to have to watch him I mean

he he was in he couldn't eat he couldn't

drink because his liver was so enlarged

it was basically pushing against his

esophagus and his stomach and pushing

kind of bile out of his mouth 24 hours a

day which I'm really mindful that this

is kind of like quite Gorian quite

brutal but it was awful I mean this this

was a man that was that was broken in

front of me you know the guy that had

eight weeks before

go to Paris and I and I was kinda like

whereas my husband like whom is he like

he looked he looked like death like his

cheeks will concave he was so weak he

was crying the whole time he his mum set

with him in the hospital because he was

absolutely terrified to be left alone it

was it was every parts again you know if

you think of sort of movies and stories

it was all of what you've seen on TV and

in a film around what you think it's

gonna be and worse I literally just felt

numb sitting on watching him and I

wanted to this is gonna sound really

awful as well I wanted to put him down

so I I remember I had never been a

believer in euthanasia and actually I'm

not now because of my spiritual beliefs

I'm not a believer in euthanasia but at

that point in time he was so ill but I

remember just being in the hospital

thinking this is horrendous there must

be something that someone can do how is

this okay yeah human can sit here in

this much mental and physical pain that

this is not alright of course so and

that and that also led me to keep

looking into other things and I was

looking at like I actually looked at

could I even like get him in my car and

drive him to Switzerland where there's a

euthanasia clinic oh yeah I even looked

at that one point it was so desperate so

in amongst all of this absolute

desperation this kind of narrative with

God continued and this girl who I didn't

know who had met a friend basically

offered to come and pray with us in

Nottingham so she came all the way from

London on the train for the day ask for

nothing

and I met her in the in the canteen of

the hospital and I remember so nervous

meeting her as I thought oh my god is

she gonna be at one of these really

weird religious fanatics like is she

gonna kind of try and brainwashers is

she is she a bit odd she can ask me for

money these are all of the thoughts that

I had in my head and I remember I sat

with her and I said to have really

really once believed in the healing and

sort of stories and and powers that

you're speaking of I just I've got to be

honest with you like I don't really

believe in God I just don't think that

God's be all like her just think it can

be and she she had a Bible out and she

she held my hand and she just said to me

look you know

I've got enough face for his face like

don't you don't need to worry about that

like just relax like I can carry you

like I can believe for you and I can

believe for George is what she said to

me which literally felt like someone had

lifted this way because I felt like I

was lying a little bit as well kind of

thing I can try to pretend that I

believe in this thing I don't know

anything it might in case it might work

you know so that day we prayed in George

is really in which again I probably

don't have the time to tell you all of

the detail of what happened but this

girl who came and prayed is now a really

really good friend is something called a

prophetic Christian and that means that

basically they can hear God in a way

that not maybe everyday person can and

they can hear really really clear things

from God sometimes absolutely

crystal-clear messages like what your

bank account number might be just a sort

of prove a point you know and it is at

the time I remember they're thinking

this is odd this is like psychic

mediumship I'm not really sure how I

feel about this so we did these really

really beautiful prayers with her and

then during the prayers basically she

she said look I've got a word for you

and at this point in time I was like how

do you know where it is like you know

what's word so I've got a letter for you

from God and I remember wanting to laugh

out loud and it was this black comedy

moment because my husband sat on a bed

dying and I'm there with this girl I've

never met before who's praying and

telling me that I've got a word which is

basically a letter that she's written to

me from God and I was sat there thinking

you know this girl's off her rocker you

know this is absolutely mental but

honestly Orin what was written in these

letters so she'd written a letter to me

and she'd written a letter for George

and what was written in these letters or

was just so us it was someone the new

our hearts it wasn't it wasn't someone

that had looked me up on Facebook or

Instagram and gone oh you Louise and

you've lived in Windsor and you've lived

in France and you you've worked here and

you've got two kids it was things about

me small details that I thought

inconsequential that God knew it was my

heart he spoke to my heart that day so I

was amazed the word that was written for

George was equally as amazing and then

there was sort of several things that

happened after that maiming so we walked

of that room and after that moment when

she came and prayed in the room

the-the-the sort of atmosphere in the

room tangibly changed and it wasn't it

was the it was the sort of spiritual

atmosphere if that makes sense it kind

of went from feeling dark and heavy to

full of life of an openness and I I was

just on my knees literally exhausted and

I remember saying to carrying that I

just love what you've done I don't know

how you've done it but you have bought

some peace and it was it was tangible

the creep the peace that she brought on

that day because it was the first time

that I'd seen George sort of soothed if

that makes sense in all of the

medication and everything that you've

been given so I just kind of said to her

like we maybe need to do a bit more of

this she said to me but you can pray you

can learn how to pray like they're going

I can't pray I don't even think I

believe in God I don't know how you pray

like what do I do with my hands how do I

stand

what do I say like I don't know how to

do this you're gonna have to find me

someone else that knows what they're

doing

and basically what then happened was the

next day I went into the hospital after

that night when I went home and put my

kids to bed and done all the other live

things I still had to carry on doing I

tried to pray for the first time and I'd

really struggled and I couldn't do it I

was like this just feels like I'm a

complete fraud I'd tried to kneel down

in my bathroom I remember like kneeling

down in my bedroom and putting my hands

together and I'm thinking what do I say

I can't do this this is already odd and

then the next morning I got up went to

the hospital at all walked into the

hospital and that morning when I went in

George was laid on his bed and the Sun

was beaming into the room like onto his

face and he's laying with his arms open

and he looked at me and he smiled and he

said to me no he's what they're giving

me I feel amazing

I just feel amazing and I just started

to cry but I knew in that moment that he

hadn't been given anything and I went

and spoke to the nurse and the nurse

looked at all of his you know details

and said he's not had anything he had

some morphine at 1:00 a.m. it was now

like 11:00 in the morning and she was

like it was enough morphine to maybe

last him a couple of hours he's

definitely not had anything so I went

back to his room and I didn't say to him

you haven't had

because I kind of thought I don't want

him to know that he hasn't had anything

if he thinks that the effort that he's

had is making people better I just

didn't want to sort of distract him from

the absolute peace that he'd

miraculously found and he literally laid

on the bed that day and just said to me

it's all gone the pain is gone

the fear is gone we'd had these

heartbreaking conversations the day

before before this this girl had arrived

to complain with us about what we did

with the kids like to be bringing the

kids in to come and see him to say

goodbye and it was probably this sounds

really awful it was less than the kids

but it was more for him because we knew

that our children was so little that

they wouldn't remember it and he and he

was really emotional about that because

he just didn't think he had the strength

to say goodbye and he didn't think he

could do it and he said to me I just I

don't he said that everybody is here now

with me you know and honestly he wasn't

the kind of person that spoken this they

already he was not a spiritual guy like

he layed on this bed so at peace and

said to me everything now is in my heart

the boys are here my love for you is

here my love all of my family is here

and it's like a bright burning ball of

energy that's never gonna go and I was

just I was absolutely overwhelmed

because I remember thinking who is this

person that's laid here because this is

my husband but it's not my husband and I

really liked what he was saying to me

was completely the tree so I knew that

he believed it you could see it

physically in his body and that that

then propelled me to go okay there's

something in what we've done here this

prayer whatever this prayer thing is

it's worked there's something in it that

we've got to do more of it maybe this

can help him and that triggered me then

to start writing letters to God so I'd

already been writing letters to George

because I've mentioned earlier I was

seeing a psychologist and she'd said to

me look like how do you communicate I

said look I like to ride she said why

she can write write write about the

trauma journal about it and I'd been

writing letters to George every day in

hospital all the things that were on my

heart that I wanted to tell him that he

didn't have the energy to hear because

he was so sick but I needed to kind of

let bubble out of my system so that that

that night I went home and I wrote my

first prayer to God and then what what

ensued was every time I prayed and wrote

a letter the girl in London who I didn't

really know who that well at the exact

moment that I would finish praying would

write a response so she'd write back and

it would be like it would be a response

to the prayers that I wrote and she

didn't know that I was writing them it

was just the most unbelievably beautiful

story so we had this you know we had

George laying on his death bed in this

state of peace in this state of perfect

bliss and he was quoting scripture okay

so George never read the Bible or

anything and he was talking to me about

perfect love which is alone for John in

the gospel and so we had that going on

so we had the sort of miraculous bodily

visible you know George George has gone

from being in pain to being at peace I

had this girl that I didn't know who was

somehow supernaturally connected and in

sync with me responding to my prayers

every time I it was like that old Tom

Hanks movie you've got mail I write I

write I write on my iPhone I ordered mr.

for my notes on my iPhone and every time

I literally press turn on the top of my

top right while I faint screen I'd get a

text it would be just like you know

scripture responses words that gotta

push you is used to frame as this is

what God's put on my heart so that

happened and then there was just this

unbelievable

presence in the room that everybody was

drawn to sit everybody at the hospital

was drawn to George's room which I now

know was the sort of you know what would

call in Christianity the Holy Spirit it

was the Holy Spirit was there it just

was pulsating through the room and what

what I find interesting now is that I

know that we all actually recognize that

if that makes sense but we don't realize

that we recognize it because it is in us

we just don't know it and and everyone

who was there you know some people were

religious some people weren't but

everybody knew there was something going

on if that makes sense that the only

universal recognition was that there's

something bigger at play here at the

hospital you know they said to me after

George died like we wish everyone could

die in this way like we

we could document it and process it so

everyone could have this des nurses were

coming in on their days off to sit with

him and just be with him because

incredible presents were so calming it

led to a great friendship that I've made

with a with a pastor of a church and not

something that we now go to every week

as he he was basically the person that

then came and prayed with us every day

because I had sort of said to this girl

in London you're gonna have to find me

someone to pray with because I knew my

friends I wasn't a person he was

religious and so yeah it was just the

way I frame it to people is I lost the

love of my life but I've gained the

greatest love all of us can ever know

and it was just so incredibly beautiful

and I'm still trying to pick the story

two years later and question you know

how why you know what does this mean all

of those are the things but ultimately

all I know is that God is real and God

is good and you know Jesus is real too

you know all of the stories that happen

in the Bible now I have now I've got

this understanding of the supernatural

that I saw in that hospital room I can

read those stories with the lens of

acceptance that I never had before and I

understand them and get that they did

happen and but I think we just I think

in the society that we live in now we

want everything to be like Amazon Prime

timelines you know and actually what

I've also very knows is that the timings

of the supernatural and the holy spirit

are just not linked to earthly timing so

you know I can never answer questions

like you know why did you need seven

people in a row why did I lose my

husband and then three months later his

mother died she dropped dead and

simultaneously to my husband dying my

dad was diagnosed with stage four cancer

you know says we it wasn't like life was

beautiful on any show yeah it really

wasn't but what I did what I do you

think I'm what I do maintain is there

you know cancer is not god-given and if

you look for God he's always there even

in the bad situations but the bad

situations are not always given by God

you know like it's man's got three will

right and some

and the way in which we behave in in the

world that we now live in is driven by

all three well it's not driven by God

because he made us that way so yeah Wow

got goosebumps yeah just a remarkable

story this gonna be in your novel yeah

this is gonna be in my novel and what

would be amazing so I'm actually doing

some edits at the moment so I'm hoping

to get the book out this year that's the

last thing so it would be it would be

really cool to like speak again might

wants the books available so I can say

to people yeah because there's so

there's such steps is the story on save

me levels and I also I'm hugely mindful

there you know like I I like they say I

can't believe what's happened to me

because I kind of look at it and go what

why like why was all of this way it went

for us but it was and it is and I just

now feel really strongly about the fact

that I have to do something with this

tale and with this story you need to

raise awareness of cancer to raise

awareness of what it is to live with

cancer that it isn't the end of your

life to raise awareness of the fact that

death is it's gonna be something that

happens to all of us and could be the

most unbelievably beautiful experience

you ever ever imagined and they're also

you need death is at the end and that

God's God is real and God is here for

you and and loves you but I also

recognize that just because I say that

doesn't mean that I can impart that

belief into life yeah I mean your your

truth is your truth and everyone's got

their own kind of truth I'm always open

to anything really I mean you've said

some certain things there that make

obviously make me think because from a

spiritual perspective I have sinned and

I have tail as many of them of stuff

similar oh yeah I'm absolutely in

cheering my spiritual stuff and even

like in terms of psychics and mediums

and I'm going to find a tangent here but

I do believe in that supernatural power

I suppose or just the whole the fairy

tale story of this person just one

person they're kind of I don't know

maybe I've just got the wrong image of

of God when I said it you knew what they

were and I think that that's the case

like I think go back to the point that

you made earlier about we have this

vision of our life should all be very

tom

kostik and we meet the dream partner and

we get the dream house and we get the

dream kids and we do things by certain

ages and I think we're all for whatever

reason book to believe that God is a

person on the cloud somewhere and I mean

I'm no theological expert you know I'm

two years into my journey of faith and

I'm still understanding the Bible and

getting my head around there and what

that means to me and how I live my life

but equally I kind of go it's not the

way that I ever thought it was if that

means I should be passionate about

because I kind of have now reflected on

my life because of everything that's

happened and gone well I mean what God

was actually there the whole time

I just didn't know him I didn't know no

I didn't know how he worked I didn't

know how he communicated I mean I if I'm

honest as a feminist have a huge beef

with the fact that he's always referred

to as a man I mean I'm not I'm not

disputing that Jesus Jesus was a man

okay but but God you know God is what he

is and that's what it says in the Bible

like he is not man he's not woman he he

is what he is and but he is called a he

because of the time in which the Bible

was written which is when you know men

ruled the world not in the way that not

that the hopefully not yeah there's a

certain but you said that you lost the

greatest love of your life or you did

then find the greatest love that we

could all will ever know and I just yeah

I was so powerful food for thought for

me absolutely because there are that I

think I think we could know how you

mentioned in that room and I was kind of

imagining like almost like watching a

film you know when you see him you Jobs

and then the sun's beaming and then

we've all probably had that feeling of

euphoria with this dis just isn't normal

life let's something else is here yeah

and I get that and if anything is weird

because although I sometimes say okay I

don't believe in God anymore

I believe in every other thing like all

these miraculous character things so

it's kind of okay maybe again is just my

language that I use language because I

find that so fascinating and I could

talk to you for hours just on that and

some of this stuff I've seen people do

like how you mentioned he was speaking

Scripture and stuff I've seen people

speak a different language that they've

never heard of yeah yeah yeah what

yeah yeah yeah is amazing Wow I'm just

I'm just so happy that it's such an

unfortunate circumstance that you've

managed to find some level of happiness

yeah life life can be found in there

like it really really and I I feel like

I've been given a second chance at life

through my husband's death which is so

desperately sad and you know my greatest

wish is that I could have this

perspective with him by my side but for

whatever reason it wasn't meant to be

that way and I'll only ever know that

reason when I am living and having with

him you know so and until then I have to

live the best life I can and the

happiest life I can for me and my

children because that's all he wanted

for us and that's what God wants for us

too so I just kind of go you know what

it's my choice you know I can choose for

this to be miserable and this can break

me or I can choose for it to make me and

I know how to do this let it make you

and let it also inspire you to share

your story with as many people as

possible yeah with the perspective you

have so yeah yeah that's fantastic Wow

okay fantastic this is actually gonna be

my first ever tea pot podcast because I

it was almost too good for me to kind of

quit off so I'm gonna actually make it a

two part show okay I think we could fit

everything in two parts as well and yes

it's fantastic so you're actually the

first ever two-part show and it's been

worth it honestly yeah could just

resonate with so many things I'm sure

they listen as well as well yeah so

adversity I think we've definitely hit

that yeah I'll on the head there a

million times over and I'm done like I

said early I'm just so happy that you're

in a much better place now what now then

now that you've found God and you've

you've almost found this new perspective

I suppose what scares you now my biggest

fear is not being able to live a faith

filled life so I I fear that I won't

that something may happen that imbalance

is this faith because actually I feel

like with my faith I can and nothing

scares me

does that make sense my biggest fear

would be to not for whatever reason to

not believe in God anymore absolutely

because of what you believe God has

given you yeah and God has for ISM for

all of us so I kind of feel like with

God by my side I don't fear anything

feel invincible I'm not so not to say

that it wouldn't be difficult and

incredibly painful and all of those are

the things but I know that God would be

with me but if for whatever reason I

lost God or I lost my connection with

God that that's my greatest fear now to

not not have that okay I understand that

okay and in terms of so your motivation

I suppose we kind of touched on it

earlier in terms of persevering and

going forward is that now to kind of

share your message further and try and

enlighten other people yes and why I

suppose my purpose now is to is to share

my story so I always say to people I

don't wish the circumstances that I have

found myself in upon anyone it's been

hell to live through but what I do wish

is the perspective if it's given me and

I realize that I've always been like

this fast track version of life yeah so

because I've had something so bad happen

to me it's maybe meant that it's

exploded in a way that's been so good

does that make sense yeah yeah maybe

think about the situation logically and

what I'm hugely mindful of and I know

I've said this already is I don't expect

that other people I mean you're gonna

come to faith with the same power and

passion that I have but for me if people

listening to my story and hearing me

talk about what I've lived through can

make them maybe think about how they

behave with people that they know with

cancer differently or lean in and help

them better or think about what they can

do to build their resilience muscle or

ultimately think about is there more

like what what isn't this life like why

am I here are you I mean ultimately you

know if I'm talking in corporate

language you know like my ultimate

optimum success would be that people

find God nutri through hearing my story

and then it kind of sparking a journey

of interest in themselves and kind of

wanting to to sort of know more and

understand more but I think there's

loads of other stuff that it could spark

for them as well so for me it's kind of

wanting to share the sadness of what's

happened to me to make people realize

they're you know there's so much life to

be lived and you've got so much more in

your tank than you ever know that you've

got until you have to be in a situation

where you're forced to use it so

yeah that's fascinating that's why you

were saying that Episode five Ashley

Nixon I think you're really really resin

L not I'm not trying to give you money

Felicity yeah he was a boxer yeah and he

found God yeah look I've shared it with

all of my it's incredible because that

one yeah okay like I said I mean I'm

here saying I don't necessarily believe

in God but that episode was so powerful

that I remember I mean I didn't put it

in the actual episode where I was

actually like screaming kind of like I

get it I get where you're kind of saying

you know how you see put in the church

and they're all like yeah yeah yeah yeah

I'm kind of getting that now with

yourself and I'm just thinking they're

encouraging I think not be a great

connection as well because I know he's

doing fantastic things I think he might

be up north now he's working yeah he's

not really on social media which but

he's just such a beautiful soul yeah

anything yeah what we're gonna do now

we're actually gonna just completely

flip the script

okay go into a segment of the show that

I just put in here just for a little bit

of fun and this is people obviously know

you now in terms of your story and

everything but I know there's also you

know just a little fashion stuff that

they could probably play from just

knowing so you ready yeah I'm ready okay

we're gonna go in three two one

okay what did you eat for breakfast

shreddies and granola the ability to fly

or be invisible be invisible money or

fame fame so I could impact people's

thoughts your proudest moment can I have

to both both of my boys face am i

achieve all those face of my boys your

favorite food

Oh chocolate Netflix our YouTube net

legs okay your number one goal this year

to publish my book to your coffee tea

your favorite sport oh gosh I don't have

a favorite sport to watch I'd probably

say tenants okay so you participate in

oh I don't really do sport I do I like

like sir

Jim can we call that a sports boys'll

why not there's no rules here fantastic

okay if you can sit with one person in

the world for an hour who would it be

Jesus your worst fear is a child Oh

probably something to do with snakes I

really don't like snakes they scare me

your favorite place in the world lake in

New Zealand South Island of New Zealand

sounds amazing speak our languages we'll

be able to speak to animals speak all

the languages if you could have punished

one thing in the world what would it be

poverty would you rather than on how you

would die or when you were they how or

when I probably say when because I think

the power of being able to say goodbye

is unbelievable and it's interesting

actually because I remember someone

asked me this question before George

died and I always just said I wouldn't

want to know I just want to be shot and

actually what I would say to people now

is it's just so unbelievably powerful

and to have the opportunity to say

goodbye and even though it's sad it's so

so healing to be able to do it say that

I think you know when you're gonna die

so you can prepare for it emotionally

financially is a huge blessing yeah

absolutely I think we're gonna leave it

there and I think that's it that's a

great that you said because I think with

death it's more the uncertainty and than

the shock of it that really just throws

people into a whole whirlwind yeah yeah

we're almost at the end of the show no

sadly just got two more things I want to

ask you and I think this would be an

interesting answer from yourself because

it's about reflection and I'm not used

to turn it easier how you wish you had

your perspective when George was around

so my my view is always the same

hindsight you know it's a wonderful

thing we can obviously learn ways where

we can get to places quicker easier with

less heartache but like yourself which

I'm sure you'll agree it teaches us so

many lessons yeah access to people that

we are so knowing exactly what you know

now if you could go back and take

yourself back to a younger Louise you

can choose whatever age you wish what

would you what would you whisper in your

younger selves is I'd whisper in my ear

you're loved

God is real he's for you he has a plan

for you he's with you and he wants you

to surrender to him in a way that only

is right for you I love that I think

obviously because your experience with

God knows if you were able to have that

then yeah yeah absolutely yeah

suddenly were actually at the last

question now and again this is a

question ask all of my guests I'm always

interested to kind of know how people

want to be remembered and I'm always

eager to get as many people to share

their stories as possible because at the

end of the day I truly believe nobody

really wants to be forgotten and I think

we've all got a story out there so if we

say in 150 years time science fails to

save us and all that is left is a book

and this book is by yourself and it's on

the table and you've got a I suppose

kind of make people want to pick it up

so what firstly would the title say and

secondly the blurb at the back of it

what would it tell us about yourself

well this is easy re because I'm right

looking I want to write more than one

book so the series the series of my book

would be called the wonderfulness of

life and which is actually a name that's

taken a lot of letter it's a name that's

taken from a letter that George wrote

and before he died reflecting on the

wonderfulness of life the first book

would be called he heard my cry and

that's the story that I've sort of told

in part today so if we take that first

book which is the book I'm hoping to

it's obviously kind of published this

year and that story is a true story

about love's exploding into my life a

moment when I was least expecting it and

you would maybe say that I was like

Bridget Jones meeting God tragic about

that backdrops and it's the tale of how

I was gifted a front-row seat to a

real-life miracle the tale of how I lost

the love of my life that gained the

greatest love we can all ever know and

it's a tale that I hope and wish will

impact the thinking of a generation wow

I love that

a real-life miracle yeah it's a

brilliant tagline just in relation to

your book and I'll keep jumping back to

this are you gonna be releasing an

audible version I haven't even got that

far that's a good idea

I'd like to yeah like I'm just being

selfish here because if I read pages

from a book I'm asleep within three

seconds so I listen to a lot of my stuff

i podcast and I would take that as a

sign are you amazing please do that I

think you're being credible and just

before you leave then I'd like to put in

the show notes obviously for people to

be able to contact you and then yeah

hopefully by them contacting you can

obviously keep them up to date with the

release of the novel but then I'd love

to get you back as well

closer to that release or after you've

released it as well because I just you

know this is an incredible inspiring

remarkable story I think you're

fascinating the way you've you just

found this bliss and I can hear it from

your voice all the way through because I

was expecting and I'm quite an emotional

person to get choked up during this

interview mm-hmm if anything you're

making me just I've just been smiling

just hearing it although there's a sad

element to the story it's just almost I

just feel I just feel happy for that so

if you caught my husband used to always

say say be sad but she was happy yeah he

always she's happy I love that yeah yeah

so if you could just give us where the

listeners can find yourself yeah I say

the best the best place to find me is

probably on Instagram so I'm on

Instagram as wonderful nurse underscore

of underscore life so it's wonderfulness

of life the two underscores I have got a

website that it's being built at the

moment and and yeah I'm also on Facebook

as Louise Bligh is but I post on

Facebook cause wonderfulness of life and

that's kind of my reflections on life I

suppose and the wonderfulness that we

find in in every day in everyday joy you

know so it's me talking about how I you

know I think it's an invitation to come

and see life through my eyes almost

certainly I didn't knew this afternoon

as well when I get back from my next

meeting I'll add that all in the show

knows and once

or website is sell and please do let me

know because what I can do is go back

into the show notes and edit it because

these episodes they get listened to all

sorts of weird and wonderful it's just

not it is www.hs wonderful nurse of life

calm I think computer I think that's it

my it's there there's a holding page

there and there's a picture of me it's

linked to my Instagram but it's not got

all the content on it at the moment but

if you put that on it is it will take it

will take you somewhere to me and you

can send me a message that I'll get on

that as well so fantastic ok so this has

actually been our first ever two-part

episode thank you thank you thank you

honestly thank you so much for sharing

your story I'm sure it's gonna resonate

with so many people it's been an

absolute pleasure for the listeners as

well thanks for listening oh you're so

welcome

and remember this podcast is absolutely

free so all we ask in return is for you

to share this with a friend and drop us

a five star review over on iTunes have

an awesome day

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Find your voice - Episode 17- "Wonderfulness of Life" - Louise Blyth #17 Part 1

Tagline: "Be the captain of your fate and master of your soul"

Louise Blyth, is an incredible lady who has experienced losing the love of her life, George Blyth tragically from cancer. With cancer now affecting 1 in 2 families it is a common occurrence so many of us face in our day to day life. But unlike any other story Louise world took a massive turn upon the sad death of her spouse and soul mate.

Experiencing a supernatural event during his last few days Louise beliefs, perceptions, outlook and whole world had been turned around where she found herself finding, what she describes as "the greatest love all of us could ever know"

A 2 part special episode, this incredible story does not lean on an emotional tale which will have you in tears of sadness, despite its tragic theme. Instead, tears of happiness seeing someone recover from grief and finding a bigger purpose and understanding of her being in the world takes over the story's narrative and leaves you feeling rather refreshingly happy that in such a sad circumstance someone can continue their life in a positive, fulfilling way.

Now a widow of 2 children, Louise has created The Wonderfulness of Life which focuses on, Happiness being a choice and a state of mind.

I am sure you will all agree this story truly warranted two episodes and if anyone can take anything positive away from this, it is to cherish all the moments we have with our loves ones and find blessings in whatever cards we are dealt in life.

Thanks for listening

Free Audible book sign up:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21

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Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com

YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y

Links to guest:

Website: https://www.thewonderfulnessoflife.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/louise-blyth-207a7a49

Instagram: https://instagram.com/wonderfulness_of_life

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/louise.Blyth83

Have an awesome day

#JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so before I begin this

announcement I just want to say a

massive massive massive thank you to

every single one of you who have

listened to this show I also want to say

a massive thank you to anyone who has

previously listened to his show and left

a review because it's your reviews that

I've helped us get into the news and not

worthy on iTunes now this is no small

feat this is actually an incredible

achievement and the more I research it

they're more proud I actually feel but

more importantly I'm so proud of my

guests and I'm so grateful that they

were able to share their journey but I'm

also so happy to have such loyal

listeners like yourselves to really

support this movement and that's exactly

what it is it's a movement it's about

trying to inspire people try and put a

positive beacon of light into the world

and really try and get everyone to live

their best life combat their excuses and

really change their perception and

mindset so without rambling on too much

we have a really really exciting

two-part episode coming up for you now

now this is actually our first ever

two-part episode and conscious of your

time which is obviously our biggest and

most important commodity I'm gonna jump

straight into this one okay so I just

want to start by thanking Louise for her

time and coming onto the show today to

share her story which I'm sure you're

all gonna find absolutely inspirational

so Louise how are you doing today

I'm good thank you I'm good fantastic

fantastic so I just want to say thank

you I appreciate you and I'm really

looking forward to this one so this was

actually a recommendation from somebody

else you may have

one heard previously on a podcast it's

episode number fourteen and it's my bet

daily Rylan it's something that I urge

all of you to check out because it was

actually within the first four hours it

got the most number of listen

straightaway so it's a great hit and I'd

recommend you all going back to that

however moving on now we have another

fantastic guest in Lewis so Louise I

think it's really important for the

listeners to understand your story and

understand a little bit about yourself

as well if you if you wouldn't mind if

you could just kind of give us an

insight into yourself a little bit about

your journey and what basically brings

you here today yeah no worries so and if

I'm completely honest I never thought

three even four years ago that I would

be someone that would be sat being

interviewed on a podcast talking about

the subject that I'm going to bring to

the table today which is loss

bereavement and life after living

through sort of that kind of trauma so

so my story is from nottingham from

robin hood that's where i kind of grow

up grew up and spent my childhood had a

fantastic childhood my parents really

sort of put myself over the first I was

kind of one of those people at school

that was not really super cool but also

I hope not too much of a mega geek and

you know you did did the normal stuff

kind of growing up going into nightclubs

probably too young being carried out of

nightclubs after having drink too much

so my friends before say probably too

young and went away to university at 18

where I studied French and actually

lived abroad for a year when I was 19

which was quite young and that was I

suppose my first experience if I'm being

brutally honest of life if that makes

sense so in terms of really realizing

things around loneliness relationships

being able to kind of go it alone and do

things for yourself because essentially

when you're on your own in a foreign

country you have no one else to rely on

other than yourself and I and so that

was that was really really kind of big

experience in my life and graduated in

in 2006 probably like many so you really

expect it about what life had to offer

me and had one of these huge plans

around what I thought I was gonna be and

what car is thought I was gonna drive

and what house I wanted to have hadn't

met kind of anyone special at that point

there's been a few a few boys but no one

who'd kind of really made me sort of sit

up and take notice and in 2006 I was

accepted on to a training scheme a

graduate training scheme and that was

kind of a supposed to start of where my

life really really started to change so

I I started there in September and on my

first day in fact before my my first day

on the induction day I met George who I

would fall in love with and marry so we

were part of a group of about 30 people

he will join together and we had a great

time it was like being at university you

know me we were there training together

living together all became really really

great friends but he was the guy that

kind of more than anyone else you know

was not never first I on any level I you

know I remember thinking oh my gosh this

guy's so confident you know he's really

sort of sure of himself but we just

became really great friends and we used

to would talk all the time and then it

was that that Christmas so this is the

September when we started our job and it

was that Christmas when we actually kind

of had our first kiss so he'd he'd

really really raison he said when he

first were in the business oh well I'm

gonna be I'm gonna be in Edinburgh so

I'm gonna have a hub burn a party and

we're all gonna come to Edinburgh and

have this holiday party and I remember

thinking oh my god who is this guy like

they're so confident

so anyway true to his words you know

four months later there we all were sort

of twenty or so others at his flat in in

Edinburgh and that's kind of where

George and I had our first kiss

New Year's 2006 2007 and after that you

know my life my life changed in an

instant I know for people that are

listening that of maybe you know you've

met someone that they know that they

won't spend the rest of their life with

when you meet that special person you

know really it is everything that you've

ever hoped for it is kind of like the

movies and the songs

and it's it's truly beautiful it's a

really amazing experience and we knew we

knew from the outset that we had

something special I think that often you

do you know it was more than just a

friendship it was a kind of deep

respectful sort of love it was it was it

was powerful you know and so we kind of

went on living our lives together you

know as what happens when you meet the

person that you want to spend your life

with you know you stop being you stop

being as our lives became more and more

intertwined so we we lived apart we

lived together

we vented together we bought a house

together his kind of his career went

from kind of great amazing as he kind of

charged through the ranks from corporate

perspective we were engaged in 2010 we

were married in 2011

I felt pregnant we had off this baby

quite quickly which was just a huge

blessing and we it gave birth to of this

son in 2013 so for all intents and

purposes we were the couple that that

had it all we were probably the people

and I hugely recognize this that people

look to in kind of discipline oh how

they got this you know like they've

they've met young they've both got good

jobs they're doing really well hopefully

they thought we were nice people you

know we had we had a nice house we drove

nice cars we had a you know we had we

decided we wanted to have a baby and it

just was easy we got pregnant and I had

no problems with my pregnancy so you

know we were on to a good thing life was

life was really really great and then we

decided to have another baby and I got

pregnant very easily again and shortly

after office and was born we moved house

so we relocated back to Nottingham sure

because by this point we're living down

south because that's like the street sir

I paid gold and then whilst I was

pregnant with our second son George just

had this overwhelming feeling which I

can come back to and talk about some

more and as we kept kind of maybe deeper

into the interview there that we had to

move that we had to move back to my

hometown and

um so we we bought a house when I was

six months pregnant and moved after our

son was just born to me with an 8 week

old baby at that time that's when George

started to be presenting with symptoms

that just weren't you know wasn't well

and we couldn't get to the bottom of it

he was wrong he constantly had a cold he

was always tired

he was really rundown he had low really

really low energy levels and because of

the stage and the circumstance of our

life in that we had two incredibly young

children Zoey at this point you know we

had a three-month-old baby and a

two-year-old son and you know just

Newhouse

George was commuting to London from our

house and Notting Michelle it is a big

commute you know said not you know not

for the faint-hearted

we just continually put it down to the

fact that this is what life is in your

season and you know you try and have

yeah we're rundown you know this is

having kids everyone whinges about the

tiredness and the exhaustion which is a

you know it's part of the territory of

you know you don't live with your

children but it just didn't sort of seem

to get better and there was this

continual niggle that was there and

essentially basically we pursued it and

to cut a long story short of how we

actually came to this conclusion we

decided to send George for a colonoscopy

which is a process where you basically

have a camera put up your bottom it's

not that unpleasant so he went off and

had this procedure and I mean this is

what our life was like at this point in

time our and so he decided to have this

procedure in London because he remember

him saying to me

you know I'm so busy at work what I can

do is I can go to work and then I can do

this after work and I can come back and

I can still behave at that time we

genuinely didn't think that there was a

big you know big big reason to be

concerned all of the health care

professionals had said to us there's not

a reason to be worried he's so young

he's 33 it's definitely not gonna be

bowel cancer and basically that day that

you had the colonoscopy which was the

the 9th of December 2015

he called me I was at home literally

kind of quite literally walking around

the Christmas tree and my little boy

answer and with a little Senate nurse we

putting all my fairy lights out thinking

wow you know life's amazing this is gray

and he called me and that phone call was

the moment that just shattered my life

because having your husband ringing and

say the words I've got cancer ah it was

just it felt like a time-space continuum

and I yeah it was just hideous and I

remember saying to him oh my god she

can't know this already how do you know

like it can't be which was actually the

route that I went domine when he told us

was exactly the route that all of our

friends went down afterwards when we

actually had to then tell them the news

which was just as difficult as him

having to tell me and I know now that

that's the kind of psychological

response in terms of you know plausible

denial you want to commercialise with

what you're hearing and you want somehow

to be like this isn't true this this

can't be the case this isn't us you know

do you not know who we are today and I

remember you know being on the phone

with George and crying and him saying to

me it's fine like he'd managed to have

the force I mean this is the kind of

incredible guy he was he'd had the

foresight to call my parents tell my

parents what happened before he ran me

so he could say to me after he told me

I've got cancer your mum and dad are on

the way

your mum doubt of coming over and

they're gonna be here any minute and

they're gonna be they're gonna be here

they're gonna scoop you up and I'm on my

way back from London it was just so so

so kind and so thoughtful which was just

who he was to his core

so that was December 2015 and our lives

in that instant you know I often joked

with people and say I sing the song from

Fresh Prince of bel-air oh it's probably

shows the kind of generation that I am

it was you know this Oriole upside down

because in that instant it was my life

was flipped turned upside down and yeah

it was just everything that we knew

about our life was thrown thrown on the

floor but then that you know that wasn't

the end that was the beginning of a new

life and a new existence which went on

for 11 months

so we then lived in a season of stage

four bowel cancer so when George was

diagnosed he had metastatic bowel cancer

which is base

we can circle of lingo for the fact that

the cancers bad and it spreads to

different parts of your body and in

George's case it spread to his liver

which is not good news obviously it's

one of our major organs that you need to

function so George then lived through I

think it was eight rounds of

chemotherapy followed by six weeks of

really intense radiotherapy followed by

a season of kind of watch wait let's see

where this where these horrible cells

kind of come back then he did a huge

huge surgery in the summer which is

something called the liver resection

which is essentially where you get

chopped open and all of your liver

there's got cancer and chopped out which

is kind of just the most epic surgery

you can imagine before he did that he

cycled around London and raised a lot of

money for bowel cancer UK and then he

said I remember him saying to his

oncologist you know just before he had

this liver surgery I'm gonna I'm gonna

do more bike riding and then this sort

of all looking at him like he was

completely mental eight weeks to the day

after he'd had his liver resection he

cycled from London to Paris released

more funds for Bar Council UK and then

shortly after returning home from that

boat ride he started complaining again

feeling unwell and we you know we

genuinely thought that we were on the

sort of positive track with this disease

and literally eight weeks the day after

he'd stood in front of the eiffel tower

you know holding his bike you know in

this kind of really momentous epic

photograph that I've got of him he was

dead so he he went downhill incredibly

quickly and peacefully passed away on

the 18th of November 2016 so I was 33

and I had a three year old and a ten

year olds and yes it was incredibly

incredibly hard yet was incredibly

beautiful and a moment of glory that I

never expected at the moment of his

passing so I suppose that was a real

game-changing moment when he died which

was just absolutely beautiful and

there's no other word to describe it

which is I suppose why my story's a bit

different because I think probably most

people are going to be expecting me to

say and then it was him

yes and then it was all for and I love

this season of grief and and it has been

and it was all of those things but it

was equally really beautiful because of

their the way in which George died and

what happened to all of this at the

moment of his death which I'm sort of

really excited to talk some more with

you about say and just stunned that last

bit and which we will touch on just in a

few moments time I can tell that you

were going to have that response just

from the way you were explaining your

journey and everything that you've been

through so but when I think of concern

what it's done to my family it becomes a

more of an emotional thing and it's

quite like even when you talk about it

like demeanor and everything changes

when you say you can see that you've

actually found the silver lining in this

in this journey that you've had to take

and I just find that incredible so I'm

looking forward to hearing just a bit

more about that have balls and know

about how it was one not only incredibly

hard but also incredibly beautiful I

mean I'm taking notes here because I

don't want to miss anything and I'm sure

listeners I probably think ask her this

ask her this because it's so fascinating

because what you've literally described

is a fairy tale story and it's kind of a

story that I suppose when we grow up

there's there's a thing and I was I was

doing a speech recently and I was saying

how you know how we go to school and

yeah you get your results and then you

go to secondary school then you have the

I love is then you go to university then

you get married and you have kids and

then you retire at 65 it's almost like

somewhere in a in our subconscious I

suppose we reprogram to believe we're

just going to lift or 65 when

everything's just gonna fall in place

and then what happens it comes in boom

it hits you how is he so hard yeah

that's why people struggle and I just

think yeah it's a I'm grateful that

you're sharing this story because it

would just wake people up yeah I'm very

fortunate that nothing like that has

happened to my wife or myself at this

moment but I do try and live as if that

could happen tomorrow oh yeah it would

that the nightmares that could

potentially happen so oh you mentioned

that you've been travelling for a year

as well not obviously generate so where

did you travel so I didn't travel so I

lived I mean sorry you lived you live

yeah yeah yeah and I said friendship

University and I lived in fret in France

I actually lived I need to be honest I'd

love to go back now as a 35 year old and

do I did then I lived in the noir

Weinberg

which at the time as a 19 year old he

basically like drinking wkt blue it was

completely lost of me as like a kind of

cultural experience but it was part it

was part of my my studies in terms of

what I had to do to kind of learn the

language but yeah that was that was

interesting and it's been really

fascinating actually as I've taken some

time particularly this last year because

I've been taking some time out of work

to actually I'm writing a novel actually

so I'm writing the story of what what

happened to is in that in detail because

I'm really mindful that to try and relay

it in you know an hour even in two hours

it doesn't do it justice which is why

I'm writing the story of exactly you

know all of the twists and turns and the

beauty of what unfolded but essentially

you know I've really realized that that

experience that I had in France was

really formative and actually was

equipping me with skills that I would

need kind of in the moment of George's

death and it was also interesting in

that some of the corporate experiences

that I'd had as well so often you know

people always saying it's very cliche

isn't it you know when you're having a

difficult time people often say stuff to

you like you know this all happens for a

reason or you know it's in difficulty

where you learn and you know what I

hugely believe in both of those points

but actually when you're in that

hardship and you're in that season of

struggle and people say that to you if

I'm being brutally honest sometimes it

feels like a slap in the face because

you just you just feel kind of like well

you don't know what is to be in the

situation I'm in and how do you know

that I've been positioned for such a

time as this but I think you have to I

think you have to come to that

conclusion yourself I don't think other

people can kind of impart that wisdom

into you and it's taken me to live

through the experience of my husband's

cancer and his death to wake up to life

does that make sense

and I now look at all of these

experiences that I've had the good and

the bad and go wow like I was being like

trained I was being because I was

positioned into that set of

circumstances the reason why that

happened was to serve me later and when

you start to reflect that in that way

you often see that you've done that you

did do some really great learning in me

seasons of struggle and they and they

have served to make you a more full kind

of person that can then cope and be more

resilient in times that will be even

tougher may be that you face in the

future say yeah this interesting I just

love that I just love your perspective

on things and I think because I believe

everyone gets these potential lessons

and I call it potential lessons because

yeah it's what they take from it really

and yes that you mentioned resilience as

well and yeah I I've had

I mean I'm day two you know and I feel

like I've had some ups and downs as well

in my life which I'm sure every single

person has yeah the grass is never

greener on the other side yeah

absolutely yeah I mean that's one of the

reasons for this podcast but I'm

grateful now especially in hindsight of

all the adversity and everything that

I've been through because now when

something trivial happens say for

instance in my day job or you got a flat

tire or something that would normally I

suppose dress me out five six years ago

yeah yeah it just doesn't faze me

because in the grand scheme of things do

you know what I mean you you snot

absolutely 100% yeah I'm interested in

this novel Azure which i think is gonna

be fantastic because like you said we

can't touch on everything within this

short amount of time but I think just

from listening to the opening 15-20

minutes people are going to be very

interested in hearing more about this

myself included and I think you're not

alone in what you've experienced but I'm

sure that you're very unique in terms of

how you've change your perspective and I

think if you can hopefully help other

people who have maybe been through a

similar situation to maybe look at it in

the way that you said so I want to go

back to that bit where you mentioned how

incredibly hard it was oh but then also

incredibly beautiful if you yeah yeah so

let's talk about the hardship and the

struggle first I think you have you see

that fully fully understand that then

understand the beauty if that makes

sense you have to source it in the

darkness to feel to feel the light which

sounds quite cheesy but I think it's you

know that's kind of essentially the the

heart of this story and you know that

moment that if we go back to the moment

that I described to you earlier when you

know George was diagnosed with cancer it

was hideous

and I often say to people actually that

is when my life changed and that is when

I started to grieve

because that was the moment that our

lives changed forever at that point we

were obviously still hoping there George

was gonna live to tell the tale

but even if he had lived to tell the

tale he would have been living to tell

the tale with the with the scar of

cancer and I think this is the part of

cancer that is so widely misunderstood

people want to treat it like a disease

there is a heart problem or an

orthopedic problem which is you know you

go to the hospital you have some

medicine and you get better and your

life's all okay again and actually the

reality of cancer at any stage that you

get it is that it alters the check that

your mindset and the course of your life

forever because it fundamentally makes

you realize your own mortality in a way

that you've never had to realize it

before and it also therefore because of

that makes you live your life very

differently it makes you live your life

in fear it also makes you live your life

with joy because you appreciate and have

such a broader perspective for the

amazing and wonderful variety of what

you see in everyday life because it is

you know that is where you live and in

in the everyday not in the holiday that

you've got planning for six months time

or the night out that you're really

looking forward to a couple of weeks and

and cancer really has a way of sort of

shifting your perspective and I think I

think this shift of perspective is

universal but obviously I think from my

own experience is not fertile for anyone

else he's impacted by this disease but

what's interesting is you know once you

kind of take some time to let the news

settle which you have to do and you get

news that big you know I remember for

George and I we had the classic

fight-or-flight response and we actually

chose flight so we ran away essentially

to the yorkshire dales which was where

George's mother lived and basically

spent sort of two or three days almost

in hiding trying to figure out what we

were gonna do so yeah we we ran away to

the oxidase and there we sort of like

tried to look at the situation

pragmatically so both of this had sort

of a spaceman entrained in the corporate

world because of the circumstances in

which we

which was on this kind of management

training scheme unit we'd both been

through quite vigorous corporate

training so we've done all of the you

know separate the people from the

problem how do you make a decision all

of that kind of stuff and actually we

kind of said you know what we've got to

kind of implement some of these skills

that we've been taught in terms of

facing this this beast that is cancer

and that and that's kind of what we

chose to do so when we actually sort of

approached it as if it was almost a

corporate problem and and I and I feel

like I'm I'm I'm even laughing as I say

this because it because essentially this

is what we had to do we had to look at

it as not a black dark disease that was

gonna claim our life we had to look at

it as a unwanted guest that maybe moved

into our house which is how it fell and

then it was kind of like what what we're

gonna do in this and once a guest

how are we gonna how are we gonna make

you feel part of the family and then we

don't really want them to be here but

accept the fact that they are gonna

probably eat our table now for the

foreseeable future and we can't make

them leave they're only gonna go when

they want to you know so we we looked at

you know what we could do and one of the

first things actually that we did was

and it was George's this is all

different by George not by me was he

sort of said well I'm not having cancer

and I remember saying to him what are

you talking about you know you've got

cancer like we can't we can't get rid of

it just like that and say no what I mean

is I'm not I'm not calling it cancer I'm

not I'm not going to be named as having

cancer because there's a lot in the name

I mean there's even a you know there's

the beautiful Shakespeare quote of you

know if Rose has anything else you know

I can't I can't remember it and the

baton but it's about you know if it was

caught if it was still called over but

it was cannot call the rose but it still

smells so sweet and that same that same

thinking and that same mindset is so

true cancer because the problem is is

you say cancer to people and people

think death because people are so scared

of death and actually the reality these

days is one and two people will get

cancer and also lots of people have

cancer and go on to live really

beautiful long lives also have cancer

and live really successfully with cancer

for a good number of years

but we all have this fear you know it's

essentially the Millennial tuberculosis

that you get cancer and it's literally

like then the Grim Reaper is their door

yeah so George George said to me from

the from the outset I don't want cancer

I'm not gonna have cancer I'm gonna have

a project name so we we we were sort of

like I was like okay so it was it was

like a awesome cheesy episode of The

Apprentice we were driving north and he

we were there thinking of names and

every name I came up with which I can't

remember any of the names I actually

came up with he he was beating of

dallying no that's awful that's that's

horrendous I kind of thought I can't

have this then he said out of nowhere

Invictus what about Invictus and

honestly when he said that name it was

literally like a thunderclap in the car

it was amazing like it shot waves

through my heart and I was like that's

amazing I was like why do we both know

this name a week googled it and we're

like oh it's an aftershave and then we

would you know laughing joking which

again is another you know like that is a

real great way of building resilience so

it sounds so awful and crude to say but

to try and find the fun and the smiles

and the everyday humor in amongst you

know this car crash that is your life is

so important because you're still

yourself when you still find the same

things funny and you like eating the

same sweets and the same places even

though you've got cancer

I remember we're in fits of laughter be

kind of like you know why on earth have

you chosen an aftershave advert this is

just really cheesy but then when we went

further into it we found out that

actually the original naming conventions

are coming from this amazing poet and by

Ernest Hemingway which actually I now

having a frame on my wall at home and

the line the closeout line of the poem

is this really sort of like thunderous

clothes which basically says I'm the

captain of my fate and I am the master

of my soul and those words we were just

like they were literally like boom to

our hearts we were like yes okay this is

it now we we are not having cancer so

we're having sort of project and victors

and that was the start of is I

suppose time to refrain what was

happening to is but that also didn't

mean that what was happening to us

wasn't horrible you know like there's

lots of cancer there is hideous there is

absolute sleep deprivation because

you're so anxious about everything that

you you go to bed and you can't sleep

and you're wide awake you wide awake

there's there's an easier because of

that because you're so exhausted you're

and you're trying to keep the show on

the road

you can't remember sometimes the most

simplest of things there's the the huge

impact that it has on your daily life I

mean essentially I was still on

maternity leave you know we had an eight

month old baby so I was supposed to be

the one that was being looked after

because I was up at night you know still

with a baby that didn't really know you

know day from night if I'm being

brutally honest yeah and you know then I

had to switch roles into this person

that wasn't just caring for a

two-year-old and a eight month old it

was also caring for a guy he was there

two three who had cancer which for him

was just as difficult as it was for me

because he was the the dad he was the

father figure of the family he wanted to

be able to provide and support his wife

at his children and the reality of the

cancer treatment that he had was there I

mean he had really really top-drawer

chemo which was like I remember them

saying the hospital is it's pretty much

like we're putting bleach in your veins

and he had it every 11 days so he didn't

have much downtime between treatment you

know he'd go on it he'd go on his go and

have his infusion and actually he then

had to come home with a with a bottle

attached to him which is a type of

chemotherapy that lots of bowel cancer

patients if anyone who's had bowel

cancer is listening will be familiar

with and you then basically take the

pump it's called a pump home with you

for three days so that was you know that

was a man mindful in itself because we

had to explain to our kids what was

going on that they couldn't jump on

daddy and it wasn't ever that we kept

anything secret from our children but

you know our oldest child was two years

old you know how do you explain to a 2

year old dad daddy's got cancer that

he's got this medicine on him I mean

actually and that is what we explained

to him and we had to explain what the

words meant to him but you know they

don't

at that age they don't understand what

it means they it means nothing to them

you know for all intensive purposes for

them it was like daddy had a bottle of

Cal Poly attached to him you know they

didn't get the severity of it and it was

really tough and it brought up a lot of

stuff for me around you know what do I

do in terms of work so obviously I was

off work on maternity leave I actually

went back to work because I felt so much

pressure because I was thinking you know

I don't we'd have no idea how long this

cancer journeys gonna go on for and even

though both of our employers were just

the most supportive employers B could

have ever asked for

you always have that niggle in the back

of your head that actually if this goes

on for six years seven years are they

still going to be this supportive and

list understand a and I remember saying

to George you know I've got to go back

to work George because we might be in a

position where we're only rely you know

we're relying upon my salary and you

know you can't work which he never

really wanted to face into so I went

back to work and even when I talk about

it now I genuinely don't know how I did

it I went back to work with a

one-year-old just three year old and a

husband with cancer and was kind of

doing my job as well as commuting to

London and you know running a house you

know it was absolutely exhausting and

exhausting in a way that makes your soul

eight you know it wasn't just it wasn't

just sort of tired of the way that

people say I'm tired you know it was

exhausting and it was the relentless

sort of tsunami of it all because the

way that cancer works is you kind of it

is it's a long boil disease you know it

isn't a disease there you know it goes

it doesn't go away like an orthopaedic

you know injury like I said previously

and it and it's it's always there

simmering in the background and every

now and again you get these huge waves

that crash over you and they sometimes

absolutely come out of nowhere and it's

about then how you how you protect

yourself and what you what you do - I

suppose build that resilience and that's

what we learn in that 11 months

essentially initially it was like we

were all at sea we have no idea what the

hell we were doing and gradually as the

year

went on we built that resilience muscle

and we learned the techniques around

what is it that's gonna help us and we

knew that there were certain things that

for us as a family he with the things

that work but that took some time to

figure out it wasn't like the next day

after George I can't sir we went yeah

this is this is what we have to do this

trick is it yeah

no no so it was so hard it was so so

hard so hard yeah

firstly what a wonderful person he

sounds like and I just in your

relationship the way you were just

feeding a feature then you had this

whole story behind Invictus Sol Invictus