Finding Her Sparkle with Ami Rankin

Can we talk about something for a second? You know that little voice that says 'I'm too busy' or 'I have so many other things to do first' every time you think about doing something for you? That voice didn't come out of nowhere.

In this episode — part two of the 'Who Am I Now Series', Ami gets into the real reason why prioritising yourself feels so hard and why it has almost nothing to do with you!

We're going back to your conditioning. The women you watched growing up who did everything for everyone and never questioned it. The societal standards that tell you to work full time, run a household, raise kids, stay fit, stay social, stay calm - and also somehow do all of it without dropping a ball (or having a mental breakdown!).

No wonder you've ended up at the bottom of your own priority list.

But here's what I wants you to take away from this episode: it is not selfish to prioritise yourself. There are actually two types of selfishness, and once you understand the difference, the guilt starts to shift.

You'll hear about why generational conditioning has shaped the way you show up as a Woman and a Mum (and why it's not your fault), the difference between traditional selfishness and healthy selfishness and why it changes everything.

The 'saying yes is also saying no' tool that will make you rethink your automatic yes, how to start setting simple boundaries that protect your energy without the guilt,and how to figure out what activities actually fill your cup - even when you can't remember what you used to enjoy.

This one comes with journaling prompts, real examples and a fresh perspective on what it actually means to put yourself first.

If this episode lands for you, share it with a friend who needs the reminder. And if you've got questions or want to go deeper, my DMs are always open:

Instagram: @ami_rankin

To access our free tools at BU Happiness College, click here.

Please remember to subscribe and share the show to help more women get their sparkle back! ✨

Did you know that 91% of women feel like they've lost themselves in motherhood? If you're one of them, this episode is the explanation you've been waiting for.

In this first episode of the Who Am I Now? series, I introduce the concept of Matrescence — the psychological, neurological and identity transformation every woman goes through when she becomes a Mother. Just like adolescence has a name, a framework and societal understanding, so does this. We just don't talk about it enough.

This episode covers:

• What Matrescence actually is and why society hasn't caught up with it yet
• Why losing yourself in motherhood isn't a failure
• The truth about 'bouncing back' and why that language is keeping you stuck
• Why your identity didn't disappear (and how to start getting it back)
• What finding yourself again actually looks like day-to-day (hint: it's easier than you think)

Tools in this episode:

• The Feelings Wheel — how to name what you're feeling so you can start moving toward what you want
• The Before & Now Identity Map — a simple journalling exercise to see what's shifted and what's still yours
• The Morning Check-In — three questions to ask yourself daily that take less than two minutes

If you've been feeling lost, overwhelmed or like you can't find your way back to yourself — you are not broken. You are in the middle of one of the biggest life transitions a human being can go through. This series is your map.

Tag me on Instagram if you try the tools — I would love to hear from you! And please share with someone you know could benefit from this episode too.

You walk in the door. The bins weren't taken out, the kitchen's still a mess - within minutes you're in the same argument you've had a hundred times before. Going around in circles, both of you feeling attacked, nobody actually saying what they mean.

Sound familiar? This episode is going to change how you communicate in your relationship.

If you've ever wondered why you and your partner keep fighting about the same things, why you feel unheard no matter how many times you bring something up or why conversations about something small somehow always turn into something big, this is for you.

The truth is, it was never about the bins or the messy kitchen.

In this episode I'm walking you through how to move beyond 'story level' - the he said-she said, you did this-you didn't do that, and get to the feeling underneath.

Because that's where the real conversation lives. That's where things actually change.

What we cover:

- Why we get stuck in the criticism-defensiveness cycle (and how to break it)

- What "story level" is — and why it keeps you going in circles

- Why naming the feeling underneath feels so uncomfortable (and why your brain avoids it)

- The Feelings Wheel — your most important tool for understanding what you're actually feeling

- Why anger is always an umbrella feeling — and what's hiding underneath it

- Three questions to ask yourself before the conversation to get clear on what you actually need

- How to communicate your feelings without it turning into an attack

- Why your partner isn't a mind reader — and what to do about it

- How having these conversations less, means connecting more

This episode follows on from our episode on teaching children emotional intelligence - because you can't teach your kids something you haven't learned yourself. And so many of us were never taught this.

We were told to stay strong, push through, don't make a fuss. So if having these conversations feels big and scary that's not a flaw in you, that's just what you were taught. And it's time to unlearn it.

🎙️ If this resonated, share it with a friend or a partner who needs it - that's how this podcast reaches new people and I appreciate you more than you know.

Follow Finding Her Sparkle so you don't miss next week... a very exciting new series is starting and you're going to want to be there from the beginning!

If you're feeling like the mental load, overwhelm or disconnection in your relationships has become too much to carry on your own, my inbox is always open.

Come find me on Instagram - @ami_rankin

Are you the one everyone leans on right now? The stable one. The strong one. The one holding it all together, but quietly running on empty?

In this episode, Ami answers 2 real listener questions that so many of you will recognise immediately:

- I'm feeling overwhelmed because I feel like I'm the only stable one right now — everyone else around me is up and down.

- I'm feeling overwhelmed by the mental and emotional workload of three children, while also working and in early perimenopause.

If either of those made you exhale — this one's for you.

Ami breaks down why being the emotional anchor for the people around you leads directly to burnout and functional freeze, what happens to your nervous system when the mental load, emotional load and invisible labour never stop and why perimenopause and hormonal changes mean your window of tolerance is already reduced before the day has even begun - and why that is not a character flaw.

You'll also get real, practical tools you can use today: the one question to ask yourself when you're carrying too much, the 100/75/50% framework for lowering your baseline expectations without dropping the ball and simple ways to reduce decision fatigue and schedule downtime that actually recharges you.

This is compassionate and practical. A reminder that you cannot pour from an empty cup.

If this resonated, share it with a friend who needs to hear it. And if you have a question you'd love answered on the podcast, send Ami a DM or look out for the question box on Instagram @ami_rankin

Nobody taught us how to talk about our feelings. And now we're raising tiny humans who feel ALL the things — and have zero ability to explain why.

In this episode, I'm sharing exactly how I've been teaching my kids (ages 5 and 3) emotional intelligence from the ground up — and the surprising feedback I got from Ollie's teacher and paediatrician about just how far it's come.

You don't need to be a coach to do this. You need two scripts and a feelings wheel.

In this episode:

- Why your child's tantrum over a wrongly-cut sandwich is actually about something deeper

- The #1 tool I recommend before you do anything else (and it's free — just Google it)

- How to name what your child is feeling without shaming them for it

- The two scripts every parent needs: one for emotional awareness, one for boundaries

- Why teaching your kids this stuff ends up teaching you too

- What re-regulation actually looks like (and why "calm down" isn't always the goal)

If you loved this episode, share it with a mum who needs it. And if you're feeling overwhelmed, lost in the mental load and like you've lost your sparkle, my inbox is always open.

To access our free tools at BU Happiness College, click the link below:

msha.ke/amirankin

Please remember to subscribe and share the show to help more women get their sparkle back! ✨

If you’ve been calling yourself lazy, unmotivated, or undisciplined lately, this episode is your reminder that you’re probably not lazy at all - your nervous system is overloaded, you’re overstimulated and are running on survival mode.

We will break down the difference between laziness and burnout, explain what happens in the brain when you’re under chronic stress and explore how overstimulation can lead to functional freeze, procrastination, brain fog, emotional reactivity and feeling stuck even when you care deeply about what needs to get done.

You’ll learn:

• the difference between laziness and nervous system overload

• why chronic stress affects motivation, focus and emotional regulation

• how fight, flight and freeze show up in busy mums and overwhelmed women

• why overstimulation leads to shutdown and procrastination

• 2 quick nervous system regulation tools you can use in under a minute

• how to stop the negative self-talk and support your body with more compassion

This episode is for busy mums, overstimulated women, default parents and anyone feeling burnt out, mentally overloaded, emotionally drained or stuck in survival mode. If you’ve been struggling with burnout, overwhelm, procrastination or feeling like your nervous system is always “on,” this episode will help you feel seen, understood, and supported.

If you’re the default parent and feel stuck, exhausted, numb or overwhelmed - this episode is for you.

In this episode we explore what functional freeze really is, how it shows up in motherhood and why so many mums fall into this state when they carry the mental and emotional load of being the default parent.

You’ll learn:

• What the default parent role is and how you got here

• What functional freeze looks like in real life

• How chronic stress impacts your nervous system

• Signs you may be stuck in functional freeze

• Gentle, achievable ways to begin moving out of freeze without adding more to your plate

This episode is a compassionate, practical guide for overwhelmed mums who feel like they’re doing everything but still feel stuck. You’re not broken - your nervous system is overwhelmed.

Recommendations:

• Getting a hobby! (I'm loving embroidery kits from Kmart)
• Do You F***ing Mind Podcast episode 429 on Functional Freeze
• Insight Timer app (free version is fine) for EFT tapping and breathwork to regulate your Nervous System

To access our free tools at BU Happiness College, click the link below.

Please remember to subscribe and share the show to help more women get their sparkle back! ✨

msha.ke/amirankin

If you're feeling busy, overwhelmed, burnt out or constantly on edge this episode is for you.

I break down what actually happens in your nervous system during busy seasons of life and why feeling stressed, scattered or exhausted doesn’t mean you’re failing.

You’ll learn about the three states we move through as humans: suffering, surviving and thriving - how to recognise which one you’re in and why it’s unrealistic (and unhelpful) to expect yourself to be thriving all the time.

We dive into:

- Why modern life keeps us stuck in survival mode

- The stress cycle and why it needs to be completed

- Simple nervous system regulation tools and somatic practices you can actually fit into a busy day

- How to move away from burnout without adding more to your to‑do list

- How to meet yourself at 50%, 75% or 100% — without all‑or‑nothing thinking

This episode is packed with practical mindset shifts, nervous system education and gentle tools to help you calm your mind, regulate your body and feel more grounded - even when life feels chaotic.

If you’re feeling overstimulated, emotionally drained, mentally overloaded or like you’re running on empty, this episode will help you slow down, check in with yourself and start recharging your battery - one small step at a time.

Book recommendation: The Vegas Nerve Reset by Anna Ferguson

In this episode I discusses the challenges of parenting, particularly when trying to manage childrens' big emotions!

We talk about the importance of emotional intelligence both for parents and children and I share practical tools and resources to help navigate the difficult moments.

The main topic points are:

• Emotional intelligence is important for parents AND children
• Tantrums are often a reflection of underlying feelings, not just bad behaviour.

• Understanding child developmental stages can help to meet your child where they are at

• Recognising your own feelings is the first step to managing them.
• It's normal to feel overwhelmed as a parent - seeking help is okay!

To access our free tools click the link below.

Please remember to subscribe and share the show to help more women get their sparkle back!

msha.ke/amirankin

Do you ever catch yourself saying ‘I’m just anxious all the time’ or ‘I’m like this because I have ADHD’? 

In this episode of Finding Her Sparkle we're busting the myth that your labels; whether it’s anxiety, depression, ADHD or even your star sign define you.

As a certified wellbeing and emotional intelligence coach (and someone living with ADHD), I’m diving deep into how these labels can sometimes give clarity, but can also keep you stuck. 

You’ll learn how to shift from ‘I have anxiety’ to ‘I’m feeling anxious today’ and why that change matters.

You can honour your diagnosis without using it as a reason to stay stuck.

This is your loving reminder:

You are not broken. You are learning about yourself.