Update: We switched hosting providers so we can’t do the texting thing anymore but do feel free to drop us a DM on Substack! xo

For inexplicable reasons, many of the people around stepparents seem to think that we shouldn’t feel stressed or overwhelmed by this role just because we chose this — because we knew our partners had kids.

When a person feels stressed about starting a new job, no one says "Well, you applied for this position. YOU knew what you were getting into." We give them sympathy, encourage them along the way, and support them as they face those learning curves.

What if we supported stepparents the same way? Because sure, I knew Dan had a kid when we got together. But did that make me automagically prepared for every challenge stepparenting would bring? OF COURSE NOT.

When people become parents, we say things like “Let me know if you need anything! You must be exhausted! Here’s a casserole!” (Or rather, a hotdish, if you’re from Minnesota like I am.) But when people become stepparents, we get judgement and lectures. And because most of us already feel guilty about not loving this role, we internalize that shit and think maybe we’re just not cut out for this.

Finding more support as stepparents begins with with us. I mean, let’s just start by judging ourselves less, you know?

And then, let’s gently educate the folks around us: knowing our partners had kids already and knowing what we were getting into are two different things. Stepparents could use a whole lot more support and a whole lot less judgement.

Reminder: if you’re looking for more support yourself, you should come join our private Substack community. I’m for sure biased, but I think it’s the best stepparenting support group I’ve ever had the privilege to be part of. We’d love to have you. xo

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🧡 Need a bigger pep talk? Start here or join us over on Substack! xo

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