First Dates & Soulmates: A Romance Podcast

It’s Pride Month, and Nikki and Meg are spending it with a lesbian fight club and a bunch of gays on vacation.

This week’s episode is a double feature: Bottoms (2023) and Fire Island (2022), two queer comedies with 98% and 94% on Rotten Tomatoes respectively that somehow flew under the radar until now.

Both films skip the coming-out arc entirely. Both are messy, funny, and a little absurd. And both have something genuinely sharp to say about class, hierarchy, and what queer stories are actually allowed to be.

Nikki and Meg dig into:

* Why starting with “we’re already gay” changes everything about how these films work, and what it means that queer identity isn’t the transformation arc

* How both films use social hierarchy (popular cheerleaders, wealthy gay lawyers, and Nicholas Galitzine acting like a “whiny, whiny bitch” on crutches) to ask the same question Pride and Prejudice was asking in Regency England

* The Bottoms subversion: what happens when you take Fight Club, swap in lesbians, and accidentally build a feminist empowerment movement you didn’t mean to start

* Fire Island as a queer Pride and Prejudice retelling that earns its happy-for-now ending precisely because it refuses the heteronormative template for what a romantic ending has to look like

Books & Media We Mention:

Bottoms (2023), dir. Emma Seligman, written by Rachel Sennott and Emma Seligman

Fire Island (2022), dir. Andrew Ahn, written by Joel Kim Booster

Would Recommend: Real Stories From Businesses Worth Talking About, hosted by Nikki McKnight https://theopshop.biz/wouldrecommend

What' We’re Shipping This Week:

* When You Least Expect It by Haley Cass

* The Beast Who Bought Me by Leighton Green, Clemenza Family Series Book 1

How You Can Support The Show

Share the show with a friend or loved one!

Rate, review, and subscribe on your podcast provider of choice

Discover your romance trope and get a custom play list at https://firstdatesandsoulmates.com/quiz/

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Threads: https://www.threads.com/@firstdatesandsoulmates

Email us at [email protected]

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Got a Little Extra Money to Spend?

Check out our sponsorship opportunities: https://firstdatesandsoulmates.com/sponsor/

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Get Meg’s Latest Book: https://amzn.to/4altuTv

Shop our affiliate book recs on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/shop/caseboltcreative

Get a paid subscription on Substack for one month or for many months!

Get full access to First Dates & Soulmates: Romance Podcast at firstdatesandsoulmates.substack.com/subscribe

Queer historical romance isn’t a revision of history; it’s a restoration of it. Meg and Nikki sit down with queer historical romance author Joanna Lowell to talk about what it actually takes to write trans and queer characters into the Victorian era with both rigour and heart .

Meg and Nikki dig in with Joanna on:

* Why Joanna set A Shore Thing in the 1880s specifically and what that decade was doing to the very concept of sexual identity

* Joanna on the Courtney Milan principle: not historically ordinary, historically extraordinary

* Meg’s hot take on queer romance series where every single character is queer, and yes, she went there

* How Joanna writes pronouns for a non-binary Regency character when the language literally didn’t exist yet

Learn more about Joanna at https://www.joannalowell.com/

Joanna's books we discussed:

* The Duke Undone, Joanna’s debut novel

* A Shore Thing, the story of a Victorian botanist & transmasc artist/bike shop owner

* A Rare Find, a standalone Regency sapphic romance

* What we're shipping this week:

* When Twilight Breaks by Sarah Sundin

* Shadows Never Lie (Shadow Duet, Book 1) by Lark Taylor

* Earthly Playing Field by Radhika Singh

* nvidiosa - Argentinian TV series by Carolina Aguirre

* Matias Half-Keyboard (accessibility tool mentioned by Joanna)

This episode is brought to you by Happily Ever Indie, the romance marketing education nobody else is teaching—how readers actually find books on Amazon, what makes the platform decide to show yours, and why so much common advice doesn’t lead to sales.

Nikki packed a mic, a tripod, and a willingness to approach total strangers at a romance book signing.

What she came back with was a full day of candid conversations with authors and audiobook narrators about the genre they love, and what they think the rest of the world is finally starting to catch up on.

What came out of those conversations:

* What it actually takes to produce a romance audiobook (hint: it’s not just someone sitting in a closet reading out loud, and the bloopers are apparently a whole genre unto themselves)

* The authors who think romance’s biggest rule-breaking opportunity isn’t the happy ending or the third act conflict - it’s the friend group

* How queer romance writers are using the genre to show queer people just having regular, messy, funny, loving lives, no tragedy required

* The craft debate about third act breakups, and the authors who won’t write them

Nikki also very much wants to host a panel at this event next year, and she'd like you to know that.

Our Ships:

* Under Southern Stars by Cari Blake

* Bound to You (Genesis Bonds Book 1) by Haze Lennox

Check out some of the authors & narrators Nikki talked to:

* Olivia Carter: https://www.instagram.com/authoroliviacarter/

* Amber Elwood: https://www.instagram.com/amberelwoodauthor/

* Amy Aislin: https://www.instagram.com/amyaislin/

* Charlie Novak: https://www.instagram.com/charlienwrites/

* Jacqueline Middleton: https://www.instagram.com/jaxmiddleton_author/

* Jessie Elwyn: https://www.instagram.com/jessie_elwyn/

* Zack R: https://www.instagram.com/zackr.vo/

* Kate Hawthorne: https://www.instagram.com/kate.hawthorne/

* Keira Andrews: https://www.instagram.com/keiraandrewsauthor/

* Marie Allen: https://www.instagram.com/marieallenauthor/

* N Slater: https://www.instagram.com/authornslater/

* Vinni George: https://www.instagram.com/vinnigeorgewrites/

* Matthew Dante: https://www.instagram.com/matthew_dante_author/

It’s the anniversary episode!

Two years. 108 episodes. Top 10 search rankings for some things that will never be repeated in polite company.

Nikki and Meg are celebrating the second anniversary of First Dates and Soulmates with a full retrospective, a reveal of the show’s new direction, some extremely revealing SEO data, and a genuinely sweet conversation about why they’re still doing this.

What’s in this anniversary episode:

* The new show positioning and why niching down in belief rather than audience changed everything about how the show feels to make

* The SEO breakdown that explains how a cuck chair became their number-one traffic keyword

* Why food p*rn is a legacy Nikki has to live with

* What year three looks like and a podcast strategy built around riding cultural moments without just chasing trends

Ships this Week:

* The Island by Briar Prescott

* The Best Men by Lauren Blakely and Sarina Bowen

All eight of our romance trope & archetype frameworks:

* The FAKING IT Framework: An 8-step acronym for evaluating fake dating romance — from the Falsehood that starts the premise to the Truth that ends it. Use it to figure out whether a fake dating book has earned its real feelings. Based on episode 47: Where Absurd Meets Heartfelt: Why We Love The Fake Dating Trope.

* The Second Chance Blueprint: A 7-element framework for the most emotionally demanding trope in romance. Second chance stories open in history, not hope — and this blueprint maps what has to be present for the reunion to land. Based on episode 97: Second Chance Romance: Why We Love Getting Back Together.

* The Friendship GAMBLE Framework A 6-step acronym for friends to lovers romance, built around the central argument: the friendship isn’t the premise, it’s the wager. Use it to evaluate whether a book has actually earned the leap. Based on episode 78:zz Friends to Lovers Explained: The Comfort, Chaos, and Chemistry.

* The Identity Disco Framework: A 5-stage framework for queer awakening romance, structured around a night out that changes everything. The Identity Disco is the internal awakening that happens any time someone realizes they don’t fit the heteronormative container they were handed — and it’s not a one-night event. Based on episode 56: “I’m Coming Out”: Queer Awakenings in Romance.

* Enemies to Lovers: 5 Types and How Each Earns Its Ending: A taxonomy of the most mislabeled trope in romance — distinguishing past conflict, misunderstanding, rivalry, class, and generational enmity, with victory conditions for each type. Based on episode 7: Trope Deep Dive: Enemies to Lovers.

Brooder, Predator, Protector, Monster: The Four Faces of the Vampire Romance Hero: A four-type taxonomy of the vampire romance hero, with a historical arc showing which archetype dominated in each cultural moment — and why. Every era gets the vampire it deserves. Based on episode 73: Love at First Bite: Vampires in Romance.

Terrifying Exterior, Devoted Interior: The Unexpected Job of Monster Romance A framework for reading monster romance built around the central argument: it’s not about the monster, it’s about the process of replacing inherited fear with direct observation. Includes four axes for evaluating any monster romance regardless of how weird it gets. Based on episode 75: Monster Romance & Lily Mayne’s Soul Eater & episode 93: Morning Glory Milking Farm

The Himbo Archetype: Romance’s Most Underestimated Hero A framework for the romance hero who arrives already open — no walls, no emotional withholding, no labor required to make him palatable. Includes how to distinguish the Himbo from the Meathead, the Golden Retriever, and the Cinnamon Roll, and why the archetype rose when it did. Based on episode 106: Himbos: Romance’s Most Radical Response to Toxic Masculinity.

The Off Campus adaptation has arrived on Amazon Prime, and Nikki and Meg watched all eight episodes in five days because once it started, stopping wasn’t really an option.

Their verdict? An 8 out of 10 (Meg holds out for an 8.5) with some genuine craft praise and sharp criticism for where the final episodes lost the thread.

Listen in for:

* Why Meg thinks the Justin-as-musician swap was actually the right adaptation call

* Dean’s consent speech that every person on earth should have to watch

* Where the final two episodes lost the thread and what the show needed to deliver for Garrett that it didn’t

* The adaptation choice that replaced the blackmail plot and whether it lands with Bad Hockey Dad

* Music as a character: how the show used song to do what the book couldn’t

* The internet’s circumcision discourse, which was not on anyone’s bingo card

The full frontal was unexpected. The feelings were not.

Books:

* The Deal by Elle Kennedy

* Don’t Eat Your Human Boyfriend by Lily Mayne

* Rope Me Down by N. Slater

The romance genre has been quietly running a masculinity experiment for years, and Nikki and Meg are here to analyze the data!

This week, they're breaking down the himbo: the handsome, kind, not-always-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed hero who may actually be the most politically interesting archetype in contemporary romance.

What you'll catch in this episode:

• Why the word "bimbo" was originally Italian slang for a man and the Oxford English Dictionary's 1929 definition that will make you throw something
• The three-trait framework that actually defines a himbo — and why cutting just one of them turns him into a meathead
• What the rise of the himbo says about collective reader exhaustion with alpha heroes, billionaires, and men who need fixing
• Why he gets to be big, strong, and protective with none of the control, aggression, or emotional withholding that usually comes packaged with that
• Why the himbo's lack of sexual hangups makes him the perfect vehicle for a queer awakening arc
• The twist nobody expects: sometimes the himbo isn't the one doing the rescuing — he's the one who needs to be saved
• A very unserious ranking of the "generational himbo," from Thor to Joey Tribbiani

Nikki and Meg make the case that the himbo isn't a silly trope! He's a cultural dispatch from a moment when readers are flat-out done doing the emotional labour of fixing men, even fictional ones.

The Framework, In Short: a himbo isn't just "big and dumb" — cut any one of these three traits and the archetype falls apart. He has to be (1) physically impressive, (2) not particularly book-smart, and (3) genuinely, actively a good person. Drop the third trait and you just have a meathead. It's that third trait that's load-bearing, and it's the reason he doesn't need the redemption arc that powers so much of the genre — he shows up with his heart already open, no cracking required.

Pull Quotes:

One more thing: stick around to the end for Nikki and Meg's (extremely unserious) attempt to rank the "generational himbo" — Thor post-Ragnarok, Jason Mendoza, Kronk, Joey Tribbiani, and Colin Bridgerton all make the case.

This episode developed the Himbo Archetype Framework — First Dates & Soulmates' guide to romance's most underestimated hero, including how to distinguish the Himbo from the Meathead, the Golden Retriever, and the Cinnamon Roll.

On the word's actual (surprising) origin:

On the Oxford English Dictionary's 1929 entry (the one that'll make people mad):

On the himbo's defining three traits:

On why he doesn't need to be "fixed" (the thesis of the episode):

On reader exhaustion as the cultural driver:

On where the tension actually comes from, since he's not withholding:

On the twist nobody expects — sometimes he needs saving:

On what they each ship most:

The Himbo Book List:

• 10 Ways to Accidentally Fall in Loveby Emmy Sanders
• An Unwitting Bargainby Grae Bryan
• Muscling Throughby JL Merrow
• Whitby Cora Rose
• Himbo Hitmanby Saxon James
• Mr Romanceby Louisa Masters
• How to Flirt With a Hellhoundby Shannon Mae
• Not All Himbos Wear Capesby C. Rochelle
• Time to Shineby Rachel Reid
• Irresponsible Puckboy by Eden Finley and Saxon James
• Jacked (Gymbos 1)by KM Neuhold
• The Barkeep and the Broby AJ Truman
• Against A Wallby Cate C. Wells
• A Court of Silver Flamesby Sarah J. Maas

Our Ships this week:

* Charming Puckboy by Saxon James and Eden Finley

* Bedside Manor by C. G. Mason

Smut has a quality problem and Allison Whaley, founder of Bothered Stories, is fixing it one well-written, high-heat short story at a time.

She joins Nikki and Meg to make the case that erotica deserves the same craft and editorial standards as the romance novels you’re already staying up too late to finish.

* Why passive voice in a sex scene is basically a crime, and the actual editorial rules Bothered Stories enforces (RIP “member” and “Johnson”)

* The argument that a sex scene is exactly like an action set piece and why both get boring fast when they stop moving the story forward

* Why curation is the antidote to “infobesity” and why that matters more than ever now that AI is flooding the market with low-quality fiction

* Nikki’s official description of Bothered Stories as “a very well-written vibrator” and why Allison is here for it

If you’ve ever skipped a cringey sex scene and thought “someone should fix this,” this episode is for you.

Find Allison and Bothered Stories at https://www.botheredstories.com

Our Ships:

* Stick Around: A Punk as Puck Novel (Legends & Fury Book 1) by EM Lindsey

* After Hours on Milagro Street by Angelina M. Lopez

How You Can Support The Show

Share the show with a friend or loved one!

Rate, review, and subscribe on your podcast provider of choice

Discover your romance trope and get a custom play list at https://firstdatesandsoulmates.com/quiz/

Follow Us On Social:

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/firstdatesandsoulmates/

TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@firstdatesandsoulmates

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@FirstDatesSoulmates

Threads: https://www.threads.com/@firstdatesandsoulmates

Email us at [email protected]

Share the show with a friend or loved one!

Got a Little Extra Money to Spend?

Check out our sponsorship opportunities: https://firstdatesandsoulmates.com/sponsor/

Buy our official merch on TeePublic: http://tee.pub/lic/6TtnpmFagAk

Get Meg’s Latest Book: https://amzn.to/4altuTv

Shop our affiliate book recs on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/shop/caseboltcreative

Get a paid subscription on Substack for one month or for many months!

Get full access to First Dates & Soulmates: Romance Podcast at firstdatesandsoulmates.substack.com/subscribe

Nikki and Meg are going full film critic this week with the 1960s instalment of their Rom-Coms Through the Ages series and one of them refused to pay $4 to finish My Fair Lady.

She has zero regrets.

What Nikki and Meg get into:

* Why The Apartment‘s CC Baxter is the golden retriever hero of 1960s Hollywood and how he holds up against every mediocre romantic lead they’ve covered so far

* The coercion hiding in plain sight in both films — and why the collapse of the Hays Code finally let directors put it on screen

* How My Fair Lady‘s makeover arc is the blueprint for every “she just needed to be improved to be worthy of love” story that came after, from Pretty Woman to She’s All That

* The George Bernard Shaw feminist origin story that the musical completely ignored, and the Rex Harrison lore that will make you feel deeply vindicated on Julie Andrews’ behalf

* Where Eliza Doolittle’s internal life went, and why the answer says everything about women’s agency in 1960s Hollywood

One of these films is a hidden gem worth watching immediately. The other one ends with a man asking for his slippers and calling it romance. We’ll let you figure out which is which.

Our Ships:

* Moderating Love by Jax Calder

* Silvercrest U Series by Willow Dixon, Book 1: Wicked Games

Nikki and Meg are going full galaxy brain this week with a breakdown of Space Romance as a genre: where it came from, why it exploded during the pandemic, and what it’s actually doing underneath all the fated mates and dick spurs.

What Nikki and Meg get into:

* The abduction to fated mate pipeline and how it makes the kidnapper a good person?!

* The Little Mermaid parallels of interspecies communication and intimacy

* What space romance is actually reflecting back at readers about fear, uncertainty, and the need to be unconditionally chosen

* The quiet deconstruction of othering and the idea that the “bad guys” might not be who you were told to fear

It’s a genre that looks like big tall aliens and galactic warfare on the outside.

Inside? It’s a whole conversation about empathy, communication, found family, and building the world you actually want to live in.

Our Recs:

* Ice Planet Barbarians by Ruby Dixon

* The Dark Space Trilogy by Lisa Henry

* Blind Space by Marie Sexton

* The Star Marked Warrior series by Sam Burns & WM Fawkes

* I’m Not Your Pet and You’re Not My King by Fae Quin

* Prison Planet series by Emmy Chandler

* Hold by Claire Kent

* Calluvia’s Royalty series by Alessandra Hazard

* Villains in Space series by C Rochelle

* How to Train your Human Omega by Arden Fox (Covered Bonds #1)

* The Reports of Silas Killian: Beleaguered Space Station Beat Cop by AJ Sherwood (free Patreon serial): https://www.patreon.com/ajsherwood

* Amy Padilla newsletter serial: https://authoramypadilla.com/

* Grave Sight (Cursed Arcana #1) by Sheena Jolie:

* Happily Ever Indie blog series by Meg (Bailey Seaborn): https://baileyseaborn.com/happily-ever-indie/

* Meg’s Threads: https://www.threads.com/@baileyseabornauthor

Sometimes a book doesn’t need 500 pages to wreck you emotionally. Sometimes it just needs two hours and a really tight word count. This week, Meg and Nikki are pulling back the curtain on the romance novella and what it actually takes to write one.

Returning guest Megan Flatt (writing as AJ Claremont) is back on the pod and they’re all getting into:

* Why constraint is the actual art form and what Megan had to cut to save the cat (RIP desk scene)

* What the “two hour read” category on Amazon actually is (and why it’s basically just ex-military, bikers, and mountain men)

* How killing your darlings hits different when you’re working in a compressed format (and what Megan had to sacrifice for book three)

* When novellas work best as a reader: book slumps, book hangovers, Christmas season, and the 45-minute palate cleanser

“A novella is like packing a carry-on — everything has to fit, and everything has to do double duty. There's no 'maybe I'll wear this dress.' Every single scene has to work harder." — Megan Flatt (AKA AJ Claremont)

Our ships this week:

* Megan: Two Wrongs Don’t Make a Playwright by Bailey Seaborn

* Meg: Where We End and Begin by Jane Igharo

* Nikki: It Started with a Text by Jax Calder

And Faking it, the first book in A.J. Claremont's Across the Hall Series, is one of our top 20+ favorite fake relationship romance books.