Fitz in the Morning

40% of Americans say they are still going to Thanksgiving with 10 or more people in spite of rising Covid numbers, someone tries to remove the Times Square Naked Cowboy’s tighty-whities off of him, a city council meeting in Whatcom County is interrupted by one of the council members’ cows when he Zooms from his barn, a 200-person underground fight club is broken up in New York City, the newly-circulating Secret Sister gift scam is officially classified as a pyramid scheme, and Florida Man is arrested while taking his 8-year-old son on a robbery spree

Can you summarize your entire weekend in three words? Drew tells us what we need to know regarding the new Covid-19 restrictions. In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, 40% of Americans are still going to Thanksgiving with 10 or more people in spite of rising Covid numbers, someone tries to remove the Times Square Naked Cowboy’s tighty-whities, a city council meeting in Whatcom County is interrupted by one of the council members’ cows when he Zooms from his barn, a 200-person underground fight club is broken up in New York City, the newly-circulating Secret Sister gift scam is classified as a pyramid scheme, and Florida Man is arrested while taking his 8-year-old son on a robbery spree. Fitz’ Favorite Things include Fitz loving Foga De Ciao delivery, Drew loving Coastal in Monroe, Claire loving the Mini Space Needle at Rainier U-Haul, and Ryder loving the Frank the Tank Burger at Casey’s in Belfair. In the Fitz Files, Ellen wins the People’s Choice Award for Best Talk Show despite complaints about her toxic work place, the “Fresh Prince” reunion is on HBO Max this Thursday and Carrie Underwood wants to see you sing on your Ring Doorbell video. Disaster Dates includes Vanessa from Arlington who accidentally superglued her lips shut while fixing glue-on nails and Allison who reconnected with an old high school boyfriend who is setting up his own militia. Claire and her wife made the tough decision to not visit family in Oregon for Thanksgiving and instead have their own tiny dinner. The Words of The Year for 2020 include “Lockdown”, “Furlough” and, uhhh… “Muckbang”? Today’s Troop Salute is Stan Lee, yes that Stan Lee, of the US Army. Fitz’ is all-in on the “Unsolved Mysteries” Alien Abduction episode. On Food News, Ryder tells us about a Twinkie for 8 people, Cinnabon Frosting available by the pint, and the new Cheetos Cookbook to go with your Mountain Dew cookbook. Monday Motivation has motivating quotes to get your week started off right.

25% of US women admit they don’t know where their own “equipment” is located or how it all really works, a bride-to-be angry at an online store that her wedding dress is ugly turns out to have it on inside-out, police in Santa Cruz are looking for a stolen Bigfoot statue, the nicest Taco Bell in the world is on a beach in California and we hear a video review, radiologists x-raying a man after a car crash find a phone up his butt, and the new tattoo craze is doing it with black-light ink so you can be Business in the Day and Party in the Night.

With so much snow in the passes, Fitz is excited about sledding and tubing. It’s Friday the 13th and we have a Very Superstitious Bull-Yah! In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, 25% of US women admit they don’t know where their own “equipment” is located or how it really works, a bride-to-be angry that her dress is ugly has it on inside-out, police in Santa Cruz are looking for a stolen Bigfoot statue, the nicest Taco Bell in the world is on the beach in Pacifica, California, radiologists x-raying a man after a car crash find a phone up his butt, and the new tattoo craze is doing it with black-light ink. On Stream It or Skip It, Drew recommends “A Very Country Christmas” and “The Crown: Season 4” on Netflix, “Alex Rider” and “The Dictator” on Amazon Prime, and “The Mandalorian” on Disney+. In the Fitz Files, The Weeknd will play the Superbowl Half-Time show, a popular petition wants Levar Burton to replace Alex Trebek and Chris Stapleton has a parody “Covid Christmas” Album. Is Your Spouse the Best Spouse Ever? Calls us up and Brag on your Honey Bunny, like Lee from Sumner who’s not drinking to join his pregnant wife but she let him have whole bottle of wine, and Ellie whose husband surprised her with a puppy. The Most Important Election of our Time is over the Best Thanksgiving Side Dish - are you for Mashed Potatoes or Stuffing? If you loved Dan+Shay with Justin Bieber on the CMA Awards, then you’ll really love (or hate) Ryder+Claire with Drew. Believe It or Not includes Geri from Bellevue who met all the judges of “American Idol” and Nikki from Renton whose sister peed her pants skydiving and it froze to her body. The Weekend Party Preview includes Nick Allard’s Forecast and Claire tells us about Veterans getting free lifetime access to National Parks, The Woodland Park Zoo’s new lantern festival, and Santa at Bass Pro Shop/Cabelas.

A woman standing in front of the ocean filming a holistic video about its cleansing power gets swallowed by a rogue wave, an Amazon engineer who worked on Alexa builds an app to communicate with your cat, a French elementary school bans parents from throwing their kids over the 6-foot-fence when late for school, and a Russian woman goes viral with video of her man proposing by shoving the ring into a Big Mac.

We all stayed up late watching the CMA Awards last night, except Drew who still has no TV so he is looking forward to our reviews, including our own awards called “The Fitzies –The Awards That Did Not Make the Awards”: like the “Most Likely to Actually Be Slash from Guns and Roses”, “Best Oompa Loompa Outfit”, “Best Use of Pajamas at Work” and “Who Are You and Why Are You Here?” Awards. In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, a woman filming a holistic video about the cleansing power of the ocean gets swallowed by a rogue wave, an Amazon engineer who worked on Alexa builds an app to communicate with your cat, a French elementary school bans parents from throwing their kids over the 6-foot-fence when late for school, and a Russian woman goes viral with video of her man proposing by shoving the ring into a Big Mac. Ryder is involved in a series of Murders; he is producing an audio book from a retired local homicide detective. In The Fitz Files we have a CMA Recap with Eric Church winning Entertainer of the Year, Luke Combs, Morgan Wallen, and Maren Morris all winning big, and an amazing tribute to Charlie Daniels with a scorching fiddle player who never got introduced. On Make Up or Break Up, Kate from Federal Way wants her boyfriend Josh to stop buying old cars thinking he’s going to fix them up because it’s expensive and their lawn looks like a junk yard; Josh says Kate needs to have a little faith in him because this stuff is all future gold. We talk about our “Goosebumps” performances from the CMAs, like Legend Charley Pride actually being nervous when receiving his Lifetime Achievement Award, and performances by Chris Stapleton and Dan + Shay with Justin Bieber. Is Drew going to be arrested for Indecent Exposure for peeing in public? Throwin’ Shade aims his rhymes right at the CMA’s.

Florida Man steals a stole a cop car for a joy ride on a Vision Quest, a man stabbed during an intense Chess match (!) refuses to narc on the stabber, a Boston man protesting an unfixed pot hole plants a Christmas tree in it, a Texas Turkey plant loses thousands of smoked turkeys in a fire, a city councilman who fought to get the Ten Commandments installed outside city hall is arrested for breaking one of the commandments, and you can now get a cookbook containing only recipes using Mountain Dew.

Thank You, Veterans, for all you do! Drew tells us about the day he signed up for the US Marine Corps, and what happened on 9-11, and Fitz’s kids Cash and Drew sing a special song for Veterans. It’s CMA Day and Dan+Shay, Maren Morris, Russell Dickerson and Jon Pardi all call in to talk about their nominations, what performances they are looking forward to, and are there really “Covid Bubbles” at the tables? In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, Florida Man steals a stole a cop car for a joy ride on a Vision Quest, a man stabbed during an intense Chess match refuses to narc on the stabber, a man protesting an unfixed pot hole plants a Christmas tree in it, a Texas Turkey plant loses thousands of smoked turkeys in a fire, a city councilman who fought to get the Ten Commandments installed outside city hall is arrested for breaking one of them, and now you can get a cookbook containing only recipes using Mountain Dew. Drew loves everything about Christmas except Nativity Scenes and Fitz is determined to give him one. In the Fitz Files, new “Bachelorette” Tayshia is shocked when one guy leaves because he’s still in love with Clare, Dale and Clare insist they didn’t hook up before the show ever started, and we have a CMA Preview including the Charlie Daniels tribute. All Jacked Up includes Seth from Woodinville who walks backwards so nobody can sneak up on him and Amanda from Poulsbo who loves the smell of her boyfriend’s armpit funk so much she asked him to stop wearing deodorant. Today’s Troop Salute is about all about Veterans Day.

A human heart on the way to a transplant operation survives two mishaps including a helicopter crash and being drop-kicked, teenage girls at a drive-thru zoo freak out when a cow sticks it’s head in the window, Arby’s now has a turkey-shaped pillow you can wear on your head to nap in any position, a guy sends a hotter and more successful guy to his high school reunion as a stand-in, a woman named Corona says she’s getting harassed a lot, and a California man has spent quarantine creating a scaled-down model of Disney’s Matterhorn for his kids to ride

Fitz is still working on Ryder’s “Heartbeat of Auburn” Billboard but swears it will happen. Claire thinks her Mullet has made her smarter because there’s less hair covering her brain. Jimmie Allen and Carly Pearce both call the show today to talk about the CMA Awards. In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, a human heart packed for transplant survives two mishaps including a helicopter crash, teenage girls at a drive-thru zoo freak out when a cow sticks it’s head in the window, Arby’s has a turkey-shaped pillow to wear on your head to nap in any position, a guy sends a hotter more successful person to his high school reunion as a stand in, a woman named Corona says she’s getting harassed a lot, and a California man has spent quarantine creating a scaled down model of Disney’s Matterhorn for his kids to ride. In the Fitz Files, FGL is out of the CMA’s because Tyler is Covid-positive, Jeopardy’s producer pays tribute to Alex Trebek before airing the first of the final episodes Alex had already filmed, and the TikTok skateboarding cranberry juice guy just bought his girlfriend a $22,000 engagement ring. On Make Up or Break Up, Ed from North Bend says his girlfriend Kelly is overspending for Christmas and he’s worried about money, but Kelly says she has a spending and payoff-plan and wants everyone to have a nice Christmas in this crappy year. Text The Truth has you telling us your deepest, darkest confessions so we can read them out loud anonymously for you. Today on Mind Blown we realize that our phones are now Pocket Watches, only two words in English end with “-gry” (Angry and Hungry) and Will Smith’s full first name is actually Willard.