WHEW strap in for an ADHD scumfest. We say nasty things about nasty stuff.

We're back at it. Just as Milton makes landfall. Would you rather be a healthy, 27 year old torso with no arms or legs, or a deaf, blind, fully intact 99 year old?

https://www.wisn.com/article/missing-milwaukee-woman-found-safe-in-florida-returns-home/62405795

https://www.nwfdailynews.com/story/lifestyle/things-to-do/destin/2019/09/25/florida-woman-bites-testicles-of-600-pound-camel/2699086007/

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-woman-drunkenly-bites-mans-fishing-line-swims-away-with-lure-police-say

https://www.clickorlando.com/news/local/2023/09/20/florida-woman-86-accused-of-stealing-over-10k-from-99-year-old-blind-deaf-man/

https://www.instagram.com/hypeandhiphop/p/C-Y3uBESF9b/?hl=en&img_index=2

Would YOU drive 100mph with three children in the backseat to get your GF to her taco bell job interview???

https://nypost.com/2023/03/23/florida-man-drives-100-mph-to-get-girlfriend-to-taco-bell-interview/

https://myq105.com/2023/08/25/a-florida-mans-t-shirt-choice-probably-wont-help-with-his-dui-case/

https://fortune.com/2023/10/21/florida-man-guilty-murdering-wife-zombie-house-flipping-reality-tv-show/

https://www.tampabay.com/nation-world/florida-man-tries-to-bring-a-non-working-grenade-on-an-airplane-20190305/

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13052845/drunk-man-naked-florida-airport-terminal.html

https://www.fox35orlando.com/news/florida-man-accused-of-stabbing-friend-with-samurai-sword-over-xbox

https://nypost.com/2024/02/02/metro/florida-ex-nyc-medical-examiner-accused-of-stealing-from-dead-people/

https://nypost.com/2024/03/02/us-news/florida-man-trafficked-thousands-of-turtles-worth-125k-to-hong-kong-germany/

https://abc3340.com/news/nation-world/non-tipping-customer-slapped-spat-on-for-not-throwing-money-at-employees-florida-bar-victoria-jones-charged-body-talk-sports-port-st-lucie-sheriffs-office-report-surveillance-video-account

https://www.fox35orlando.com/news/drunk-naked-florida-woman-wielding-peeler-knife-barges-into-racetrac-threatens-to-kill-staff-deputies

Why do Montenegrins keep a chair next to their beds? So they can take a rest after they wake up.

https://www.fox35orlando.com/news/florida-man-allegedly-takes-stolen-amazon-van-on-20-mile-joyride-is-your-package-late

https://news.yahoo.com/doctors-remove-150-live-bugs-234435817.html

https://6abc.com/coat-hanger-medical-procedure-animal-cruelty-dogs/3114873/

https://www.ice.gov/news/releases/florida-woman-pleads-guilty-conspiracy-create-distribute-animal-crush-videos

https://www.cnn.com/2022/02/20/us/florida-woman-charged-with-stabbing-husband-140-times/index.html

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/21/us/sandhole-florida-death-beach.html

https://news.yahoo.com/florida-woman-missing-spain-taken-090052280.html

Imagine being executed by a Beachcraft Bonanza. This is a prompt. Imagine it.

SOURCES:

https://wflanews.iheart.com/featured/the-ryan-gorman-show/content/2023-02-02-florida-man-bites-head-off-girlfriends-python-during-domestic-dispute/

https://www.clickorlando.com/news/local/2024/01/29/florida-man-loses-50000-in-accidental-text-romance-scheme/

https://www.clickorlando.com/news/local/2024/01/25/florida-man-accused-in-fatal-triple-shooting-after-trying-to-date-his-own-daughter/

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/01/us/plane-crash-florida-mobile-home-park.html

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article284910462.html

https://www.businessinsider.com/frontier-passenger-pulled-down-underwear-squatted-in-aisle-affidavit-2024-1

https://nypost.com/2024/01/20/news/florida-politician-stabs-daughter-husband-believing-they-were-the-devil/

https://www.cbsnews.com/miami/news/elderly-woman-arrested-florida/

https://wpde.com/news/nation-world/sting-uncovers-toothless-scheme-3-women-arrested-miami-dade-and-brow-ard-counties-avocado-grill-on-datura-street-west-palm-beach-police-department-ann-sherry-miller-mother-daughter-pair-named-mary-steimberg-sheila-angelina-miller-bogus-9000-bill

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article284910462.html

Full episode available at : patreon.com/floridawomanpod

Rose Marks ran the most successful Gypsy fortune telling scam in history, with earnings totalling close to 40 MILLION dollars, and she reached the peak of her riches in our beloved Sunshine State. Wait, are you allowed to say Gypsy on the air?

I don't believe in anything.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/30/us/conjuring-spirits-in-florida.html

https://nypost.com/2023/12/02/news/florida-woman-alyssa-ann-zinger-posed-as-teen-to-molest-middle-schoolers-police/

https://www.fox13news.com/news/wander-franco-investigation-rays-shortstops-message-to-alleged-14-year-old-victim-revealed

https://nypost.com/2023/12/24/news/overwhelmed-florida-woman-arrested-after-309-animals-seized-from-her-mobile-home-with-lethal-levels-of-ammonia-inside/

https://nypost.com/2024/01/04/news/florida-man-sues-dunkin-donuts-over-traumatic-toilet-explosion/

https://www.fox13news.com/news/florida-man-throws-beer-can-fires-ar-15-rifle-after-being-upset-by-drivers-speeding-in-his-neighborhood-pcso

https://www.fox35orlando.com/news/florida-man-with-underwear-around-his-neck-accused-of-prowling-in-same-yard-as-reported-bonsai-tree-theft

Available now at patreon.com/floridawomanpod

Did you know a small Florida Panhandle town is home to one of the most famous string of UFO sightings in history? Hundreds of witnesses corroborated Ed Walters' sightings, but it all came crashing down. Join our patreon to listen to this deep dive!

Also, unrelated, I need the skunk ape to sit on my face. That's just a need of mine.

Also apparently there was a shapeshifting alien at the Bayview Mall in Miami last week. True story.

We're back on our bullshit. New Merch: https://www.nathanesimpson.com/store-1

Sources:

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/ron-desantis-collapse-trump_n_658ca832e4b014ec45a31537

https://www.kiro7.com/news/trending/florida-man-known-monkey-whisperer-arrested-illegally-selling-primates/2JXFDADYOFETJIHRYKRAJGIZVY/

https://nypost.com/2024/01/01/news/florida-man-makes-dirt-angels-while-hiding-from-cops-following-car-crash-bizarre-video-shows/

https://www.fox35orlando.com/news/man-allegedly-beats-roommates-raccoon-man-takes-fl-officers-taser-fl-business-partners-kill-each-other

https://www.clickorlando.com/news/local/2022/01/05/74-year-old-florida-man-on-electric-scooter-threatened-chased-2-with-knife-police-say/

https://www.floridatoday.com/story/news/2023/11/03/rubber-bale-world-war-germans-sunken-ship-washes-up-florida-beach-indialantic/71421728007/

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/16/us/politics/moms-for-liberty-sex-scandal.html#:~:text=So%20when%20one%20of%20its,pressure%20for%20her%20to%20resign

https://www.upi.com/Archives/1982/01/05/A-Florida-woman-accused-of-abducting-five-elderly-people/3996379054800/

https://www.clickorlando.com/news/local/2021/01/06/florida-woman-accused-of-screaming-political-profanities-ringing-bell-at-5-am-each-day/

https://www.957thehog.com/happy-florida-woman-is-first-mugshot-of-the-year-nominee/

We're going to guilt George Bailey into having sex with us. We'll lie to him and tell him we could solve all the money problems if he just did this one thing

https://www.nasdaq.com/articles/the-10-most-overpriced-housing-markets-in-america-5-are-in-florida

https://www.wdbo.com/news/local/florida-man-gets-caught-skipping-line-disney-world-claims-be-ucf-football-player/HTFRUDFSRNCUPMCYIGK3NRVTBM/

https://www.fox35orlando.com/news/florida-man-in-stolen-ambulance-leads-deputies-on-chase-straight-to-sheriffs-office-officials-say

https://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local/drunk-man-molested-manatee-statue-threw-gator-nuggets-in-florida-restaurant-sheriff/3183431/

https://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/sex/causeway-couple-collared-803617

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-woman-arrested-falsely-reporting-her-childrens-christmas-gifts-stolen-failed-grinch-like-plot

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-park-reports-birth-ultra-rare-white-leucistic-alligator

https://nypost.com/2023/12/07/news/watch-florida-bear-attacks-takes-off-with-reindeer-christmas-decoration/