You don’t trust your partner. He/she is lying and cheating… or you’re afraid they are. Maybe you have an ex who cheated on you so you are hyper-aware of certain behavior. Like if you see your partner acting flirty with someone, which sends you into that crazy, anxious paranoid mode. This reaction, however, is more a reflection of your negative beliefs and how you don’t trust YOURSELF. You don’t trust that you would be able to handle the disappointment of the relationship ending. What if you never recover? What if you just attract another cheater?

Staying in a relationship like this allows you to play the victim while assigning your partner to the role of perpetrator (can you say drama triangle?). You get to blame him/her while taking no responsibility for why you stay… and you may be doing this without realizing it. Being a victim feels strangely secure, but it’s a prison that you choose to be in. If you remain, pain and anxiety will be constant companions. To break the chains of disrespect, distrust, and lack of love for yourself, you have to connect with the buried feelings you are trying to avoid. Because staying in a relationship where there is a lack of trust is less about your partner and more about you. But that means you can do something about it.

“I love failing and I don’t think it should be a dirty word.” —Lola Berry

Lola Berry is one of those rare birds who runs towards what scares her and embraces failure, believing there is always something to learn. With every fail, fall, and drop, she builds her resilience and stands a little bit taller. As a kid, she wanted to be an actress, and today she is chasing that dream in Los Angeles. Born in Melbourne, Lola finally won her US green card… right after she met her boyfriend.

Join me for a fun and connected conversation with Lola as she talks about her literal and figurative journey to where she is today—splitting her time between Los Angeles and Byron Bay, Australia (and how she makes her relationship work). In addition to being an actor, she is also a nutritionist, yoga instructor, podcaster, Instagram influencer, best-selling author and co-creator of a medicinal brain tonic called Lola Coffee. Her biggest piece of advice? Run towards what fills you up.

Learn more about Lola:

https://lolaberry.com/

https://www.instagram.com/yummololaberry/

When something doesn’t go your way in a relationship, or you don’t get what you want, insecurities can get triggered: I’m unlovable, I’m never a priority, this always happens to me, etc. And that can turn into desperation for what you’re not getting. You NEED it so you try to strategize how to get it... yet a feeling of powerlessness remains.

In this week’s podcast we’ll look at what fuels this desperation. What stories do you have on repeat, and what beliefs are you perpetuating? What deeper feelings are you avoiding? I’ll also help you distinguish your true feelings from reactions because focusing on reactions can send you down a path of blame and victimhood. Once you start breaking down your stories and beliefs, you’ll find it much easier to get what you want.

Are you still stuck on a relationship that ended months, maybe even years ago? You’re still carrying this longing inside of you, always wondering what life would have been like if they had stayed. A part of you is still waiting for them to come back, to give you some kind of closure for the sacrifices you made. Looking back on your memories, you think you still love them.

It may feel like love, but what you’re really feeling is attachment.

To move past the emotional triggers that are still keeping you attached to your previous partner, you have to start by taking responsibility for your own emotions. Once you find your agency, you can empower yourself to make a change. In today’s podcast episode, learn 4 tips to let go of the pain of your past relationship and finally put it behind you.

Jen is a mom of six with a PhD in human development and family studies. Growing up in Iowa to farmer parents, Jen was often in charge of her younger brothers—even cooking meals by age 8. She kept the house running and constantly questioned whether her bedroom was clean enough. This, unsurprisingly, led to perfectionism and over-achieving (ahem, PhD and six kids!), so by her mid 30s she was massively burned out.

“You deserve to be happy and fulfilled. If you can start to believe that, it will have a trickle-down effect on how you interact and how you hold boundaries.” —Jen Riday

Join me for a conversation with Jen where she talks about the day she decided to be happy no matter what. It happened to be Christmas, but the gift she received was not joyous or expected. It did, however, set her down a path that led to where she is today: supporting women (mostly moms) who have lost themselves. She helps them take care of themselves and set healthy boundaries so they can realign their identity with who they really are. In addition to her Feel It To Heal It Method and BE HER Morning Ritual, Jen hosts a podcast to help women love their lives again.

Learn more about Jen at:

www.jenriday.com

https://www.instagram.com/jenriday/

https://twitter.com/jenriday

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCViTDZF6CrTktP_y7j30_eQ

https://www.facebook.com/jenriday/

Avoidants avoid—that’s what they do! And when they try to avoid pain, they remain stuck in a state of struggle (although they don’t know they’re in struggle). If you are an avoidant, your emotions are often left unbothered and undisturbed. You may go through life believing you’re happy because you have numbed the pain. But if a crisis hits and your emotions are out of control, you compartmentalize them, hoping someday you’ll feel better. You probably isolate yourself or shut down and avoid vulnerability in an attempt to protect yourself from pain. On the surface you look like you have everything together, but inside you’re filled with anxiety from trying to avoid your pain.

If you’re the kind of person who bends over backward for a family member, yet gets frustrated because that person always complains, you may be avoiding a deeper pain. Maybe you don’t like to be criticized or do things wrong… but you don’t know that about yourself because you don’t allow yourself to “go there.” Instead, you bury those feelings and end up lashing out at your relative for being unappreciative. Trying to avoid pain won’t make it go away; it stays inside and creates a different kind of pain.

Your emotions are running the show whether you pay attention to them or not. And when you try to ignore their existence, they can come out in uncontrolled ways. Instead of pretending pain doesn’t exist, or compartmentalizing it for dealing with “another time,” focus on it. The next time you feel yourself reacting, notice where you feel physical pain or tightness in your body. Just feel it. Practicing this will get you used to allowing the pain and you’ll come to realize it won’t kill you. In fact, it just may be the key to your happiness because you can’t feel joy without feeling pain.

Oh how intoxicating chemistry can be. The high that tells you you’re alive; a combustible mixture of floating and anxiety that makes you believe you can’t live without drinking the other person in. You think you need the fireworks…as if that’s real life. It’s not. Those outsized moments have nothing to do with reality or a healthy relationship. And how often is that high followed up with panic and desperation when you don’t hear from your flame?

Welcome to attachment hell where you feel like you’re possessed by something outside of you and it takes your sanity with it. It may feel good in the moment, but attachment addiction always has you looking for your next hit. If this sounds even vaguely familiar, don’t miss this episode for some questions to ask yourself about what’s missing or stagnant in your life. Because hum-drum reality can actually be a wonderful place to live and engage in a true, authentic partnership.

When Marni was a kid, she knew deep down she wasn’t the favorite or the golden child, but she pretended it wasn’t true. As class president and editor of the school paper, overachieving was how she proved her worth. It wasn’t until after her failed marriage that Marni started looking for meaning that wasn’t attached to external achievements.

“What are the things you’re pretending not to know that you know? They’re the truth.” —Marni Battista

Join me for an enlightening conversation with Marni where she talks about engineering a dating process that made her “rejection-proof,” and why she sold her house to travel the country with her husband in a 400-foot RV. Today Marni is a transformational life, love, and relationship coach, as well as a podcast host and the founder of The Institute for Living Courageously. She has appeared on CBS, ABC, Dr. Phi and Loveline as a fill-in for Dr. Drew.

Learn more about Marni at:

Instagram: @datingwithdignity

Instagram: @lifecheckyourself

Youtube: Radical Living Challenge

Pinterest: Dating With Dignity (datingwithdignity) - Profile | Pinterest

Facebook: Life Check Yourself

Facebook: Dating With Dignity - Marni Battista

Do you believe trust must be earned? Like your partner showing you their texts to prove he/she is dedicated. Trust isn’t about controlling what another person says or does, and it’s not something to be exchanged, like money. In fact, trust isn’t about other people at all—it’s about you. When you don’t trust yourself to handle a situation, you decide the other person is the problem.

Trust occurs when words and actions match, and trust is broken when they don’t. You expect that from other people, but do you practice it yourself? In this episode we’ll talk about how to become the trustworthy person you expect others to be. And how it’s better to trust that you can handle life than to expect other people to change.

This episode is for all the chronic dieters out there. That used to be me. I was just as attached to dieting as I was to finding the perfect partner. Yes, attached to dieting because attachment usually doesn’t restrict itself to one area of your life. Whether the object of your attachment is a partner or food, they both come from a state of lack; you need something (or someone) to fill you up.

If you believe you’ll be worthy of love once you hit your ideal weight, you might be attached to dieting. If you use food to soothe yourself (then crash diet and berate yourself) because doing deeper emotional work is hard, you might be attached to dieting. In this episode I’ll point out the similarities between love attachment and food/diet attachment, plus a few steps to bring more awareness to what you’re doing and why. If you are constantly at war with food and it’s keeping you from living your life, this one's for you.