From Surviving to Thriving: A No Tools, No Techniques Shift from Stress and Overwhelm to Fulfilment

Do you often find yourself trying to understand things like the decisions of government, the behaviour of other people or the circumstances you find yourself in. I know that feeling well. It can seem like if I rack my brains long enough, the answer will emerge. It does seem to work doesn't it? I often conclude my little internal exploration with a self-satisfied sigh! That's the point at which I think I have worked it all out. 😂

However, the working out I have done is all nonsense. I see that more and more now. The stories I create are made from my conditioned thinking and my beliefs. They look so real but they are not and the same applies to every single one of us. Things that happen in the world come from a complicated set of conditioned thinking of another person or people. We could never really understand that because we are only in possession of our conditioned thinking not theirs. So maybe we are not meant to understand things in the way we are used to. 

It is helpful to know the truth and that is that every single one of us is doing the very best with the thinking which looks real to us. Knowing that can take a lot off your mind and with less on your mind, anything is possible.

Do you ever use the phrase, 'I was miles away'? As I walked up a narrow path a few days ago, there was a woman in front of me. She didn't hear me coming so I had to say, 'excuse me' to get past her. As I walked on by, she said, 'Sorry. I was miles away'. Hearing that phrase really made me think.

Sometimes we are so caught up in our thinking that we have no idea we are miles away. Our thinking might be in the past, in the future or even inside someone else's head. Maybe it is actually miles away as we imagine ourselves on a beach in Bali! Although it can be fun to play in that space, there is something helpful when we realise we are doing it, particularly if the feeling which comes with it is uncomfortable. If you notice that you are feeling uncomfortable, maybe just ask this question. 'Where is my thinking right now?' and see what occurs. Just noticing that you have gone to a different place in time and space usually helps it start to shift and then you just tend to feel better. It's like magic.

If you would like to raise your awareness of your time travelling mind and as a result experience more confidence, calm and clarity just drop me a message on [email protected]

Have you ever considered what is real? In our world of form, there are clearly some things which exist. On my desk right now, there are all sorts of things. A mic, a phone, a laptop, a mug etc. I am not here to deny the existence of things but as you look out into the world and interact with it and the people in it, have you considered how much of what you experience is real. Let's take something simple like the temperature in a room. My fiancé and I often disagree. He (being from the Southern hemisphere) will be cold whilst I am warm. The temperature is one thing, but we perceive it differently. That is because his conditioning around temperature has been different to mine. 

Now take that micro situation across every single one of your experiences. It is a bit mind blowing but, it is impossible for you to see reality objectively. The way you have been conditioned through years of unintentional learning means that you can only see an objective reality. You might be wondering why this is helpful but it really is. That is because in the moment when you are caught up, feeling overwhelmed and stressed, it might just provide a chink of light. Maybe that person isn't being mean. Maybe you don't look stupid. Maybe you are not being judged. Just knowing the mind is unable to create an objective reality can be helpful.

How much time do you spend in the future? I put dates in my diary but other than that I spend little time in the future these days but that wasn't always the case. I used to be a virtually full time worrier. I would make up scenarios in my head and then try to reassure myself that it would be okay. It was exhausting but I know I am not the only one.

Here's the challenge with the future and you might need to read this sentence a few times. We cannot guarantee to the mind that the things we are fearing in the future are not going to happen. But we try don't we. So what is actually happening is that we are making up the future and then trying to manage the thing we made up. It's like trying to run an APP from the future on our 2022 mobile phone. It just doesn't work.

Waking up from this is actually easier than you think. It's all in the feeling. Your off feeling is not telling you about the future scenario, but it is telling you about your thinking about the future scenario. Off feeling comes from off thinking. Realising this in the moment can help that future thinking to make a lot less sense.

How much time do you spend inside someone else's head? This came up more than once in coaching conversations yesterday but I think we all do it sometimes. We make up stories about what other people are thinking and try to interpret the looks on their faces. Sometimes we even do it when we received a message from someone. I did it this morning in a conversation about a chair (listen to the live to here more). It was amusing when I thought about what I had done afterwards. But it isn't always amusing is it? It can sometimes feel awful and it can even make us behave in a particular way towards that person. Maybe we even end up in a place of defensiveness or avoidance. 

What is helpful here is to understand a couple of truths. Firstly that the off feeling you have whilst making up those stories is coming from your thinking not the other person's behaviour. Secondly, you are not able to read people and any story you have about the contents of their heads is coming from you not them. When those truths are really seen, all our interactions (even with those tricky people) can transform and generally we can feel a whole lot better. If you would like to see through your stories about other people, please drop me a message.

Are there some people you really don't get on with? We all have someone don't we? Someone who seems to rub us up the wrong way. We can feel the sensation often before they have even arrived in our space. There might be a clue in that! But have you also noticed when you really get on with someone. When the conversation flows and the time passes quickly. When there is presence and connection. 

There are certain things getting in the way of our connection with other people. Our conditioned beliefs, our perception and our thoughts. Without all that noise, we are connected by love, wisdom and calm (what we are all really made of). Transformation in all our relationships is available when we see this. 

'Don't swallow the storm', was a brilliant phrase I heard on a TV show I was watching over the weekend. I just love the beautiful guidance in this advice because that is what we do, isn't it. We take the things which are not going well in the world inside us then we add to them and make them more stormy. I don't know about you but I can rant and rave about all sorts and it doesn't feel very nice. But worst of all, it lulls us into the illusion  that it is the outside world making us feel that way. The more of the storm we swallow, the more real that illusion seems and then freedom from the storm looks like it is only available in the changing of the outside world. 

But that's not where freedom is. Freedom from the storm comes when we realise that the world works inside out NOT outside in. Then swallowing the storm makes less and less sense!

You are a diamond because everything you are seeking outside you is already there inside. Your resilience that meant you fell down and got up over and over whilst learning to walk. Your confidence which meant you were first on the dancefloor as a toddler. Your calm which meant you were once able to flow between emotional states without judgement. All those things are inside you still now! They have not been broken, damaged or stolen away. Sometimes you cannot connect to them because your head is full of conditioned thought and beliefs which are not true. But as your mind gets quieter, you will see them more and more. As your mind gets quieter, you can reconnect to your diamond inside.

Are you confused about calm? If you are I think you might not be the only one. In a networking meeting recently, I said I helped people to be calm and one of the other people in the zoom room said he did the opposite to me. Then he said that he helped people to be more excited, engaged and passionate. This isn't the first time I have heard this idea. That calm is the opposite to all sorts of other emotions. The idea that if you are calm, you are sat on the sofa totally chilled out. But what if you knew that calm could be there all the time? That you can be calm and engaged, calm and excited or passionate and even calm and anxious. Because calm is inside you, always there. You connect to it when you know that all feelings are okay. Every single one of them. Then you can be an upside down swan (explained in the podcast) and experience calm no matter what is going on in the outside world or inside you. 

Are you any good at proof reading? I thought I had that licked but a few days ago, I invited some people to check out my membership space. One of my friends immediately sent back some edits. Silly spelling mistakes, missing letters and other things I just had not seen. This was despite a lot of checking prior to publication. Sometimes we just cannot see it can we?

I thought this was a beautiful analogy for how we work. We are always judging the rightness or wrongness of our thinking with our thinking. It is like we are doing are own quality control with the same thoughts which we are trying to quality control and that's where I come in (or any good coach for that matter). You can be helped to see what you are believing that isn't true which helps things to fall away and can help you feel better as you become less and less caught up in thought.