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Title: The US Will Offer Official United States of America Franchise Opportunities

Author: Doyle Redland

Format: Original Recording

Length: Not Yet Known

Language: English

Release date: 04-25-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

Franchisees will receive an America welcome kit that includes a Statue of Liberty replica.

©2016 The Onion (P)2016 Audible, Inc.

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Title: The Coast Guard Will Let Yacht Owner Sweat It out a Little Longer

Author: Marichelle Kawachi

Format: Original Recording

Length: Not Yet Known

Language: English

Release date: 04-20-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

The Coast Guard watched the yacht owner jump up and down in frustration for 40 minutes.

©2016 The Onion (P)2016 Audible, Inc.

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Title: A 9/11 Truther Vows Not to Rest until Everyone Knows He's an Asshole

Author: Marichelle Kawachi

Format: Original Recording

Length: Not Yet Known

Language: English

Release date: 04-18-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

[Contains explicit content] Friends say the truther is a jackass who drowns out anyone unfortunate to be within earshot.

©2015 The Onion (P)2015 Audible, Inc.

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Title: Goldman Sachs Announces They're Blowing Up a Nursing Home and There's Nothing Anyone Can Do About It

Author: Marichelle Kawachi

Format: Original Recording

Length: Not Yet Known

Language: English

Release date: 04-14-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

A local intermediate care facility in Jamaica, Queens will be the target.

©2015 The Onion (P)2015 Audible, Inc.

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Title: Scientist Theorize the Sun Could Support Fire-Based Life

Author: Doyle Redland

Format: Original Recording

Length: Not Yet Known

Language: English

Release date: 04-13-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

NASA says the human race is 20 years away from sending a manned mission to the sun.

©2015 The Onion (P)2015 Audible, Inc.

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Title: A New Breeding Program Creates Way More Squirrels Than Necessary

Author: Doyle Redland

Format: Original Recording

Length: Not Yet Known

Language: English

Release date: 04-01-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

The squirrel population could increase by as much as 800 percent.

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Title: An Armed 62-Year-Old Is the Only One Standing between the Nation and a Full-Scale Government Takeover

Author: Doyle Redland

Format: Original Recording

Length: 1 min

Language: English

Release date: 03-26-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

[Contains explicit content] The recent retiree has been confirmed by multiple sources as being a true patriot.

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Title: The National Marching Band Is Called in to Lift US Spirits

Author: Doyle Redland

Format: Original Recording

Length: Not Yet Known

Language: English

Release date: 03-24-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

The band plans to use a series of lively brass numbers.

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Title: Congressional Aides Withhold Sex until a Budget Is Passed

Author: Doyle Redland

Format: Original Recording

Length: 1 min

Language: English

Release date: 03-14-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

[Contains explicit content] Aides say they're trying to provide the motivation they think their bosses need.

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Title: A Seventh Grade Biology Class is Grossed Out During Horse Dissection

Author: Marichelle Kawachi

Format: Original Recording

Length: Not Yet Known

Language: English

Release date: 03-13-17

Publisher: The Onion, Audible Comedy

Genres: Comedy, Satire

Publisher's Summary:

Students say they dreaded cutting up a full-size horse cadaver.