Scott is turned down for an apartment because he doesn’t earn 50 times the rent, but he’s 50 times a better person than the leasing agent. Which as Tom points out, is an example of emotional math. Plus, let’s go to the videotape and weddings.

Scott returns to Nathan’s Famous in Coney Island for the first time since March 15., and enjoys two hot dogs and “the best fries in the works.” Tommy loves Belgian Frites, but only with Belgian mayonnaise. Plus another foray into the field we pioneered, “speculative journalism.”

Scott starts reading The Great Influenza, which Tommy applauds, even though that means Scott isn’t reading the Johnny Carson book Tommy gave him.

The power of the human mind may sound like a best selling self help book, but it’s also a great chance to sound like Rod Serling when you say “mind”. Plus we salute the return of the ladies of The View.

Scott saves the life of a fly. Should he compete against the Dalai Lama in an “Enlightenment Off?” Plus, Tom suggests that he and Scott become Nobel Prize coaches to help potential nominees promote themselves.

Scott needs to produce his financial records in order to be approved for an apartment, instead of being welcomed with open arms by the leasing agent and the landlord. But in our scenario, that happy ending is the one Tom and Scott create.

It’s the start of the last unofficial weekend of the summer. Why can’t we keep summer going, which thanks to global warming, can extend into November? Plus our proposal for a 25 hour day.

Tom built a time machine that has it all. Except the mechanism to make it travel through time. And Scott advises time travelers to make a good first impression by praising the inhabitants of that time period.

We scorn those developments that are named after the property they destroyed. Like The Vitagraph apartments built on the site of the iconic Vitagraph Studios.

The ladies of The View have been on hiatus for a month, but Tom and Scott continue to do their show every single day! Plus Tom encourages Scott to reveal two anecdotes involving celebrities.