Getting Your Sh*t Together

What's in this episode?
Today's episode we dive into boredom in sobriety. I know that while I was getting my act together last year, I was in the pink cloud, where I just felt that life was amazing (and it was) but you know, you can’t stay there. So when I came toppling our into real life, I had to learn to sit with a plethora of feelings and emotions...boredom being one.

In this episode we talk about:

• How boredom is normal. Everyone feels bored but you just happen to be more aware of it because you’re no longer using your vice to keep you « entertained. »
• Realizing that boredom (like everything in life) is temporary but there are things you can do to get yourself out of that rut potentially quicker 
• Things that I did in order to help me reshape my mind around boredom. 
• That sitting with yourself may not be such a bad thing. Use this time to really learn about you.

A special shoutout to my Instagram friend who asked me my thoughts on this topic. I hope it gave you some food for thought!

And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 

If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

• IG: gettingyourishtogether
• Email: [email protected]
• Sign up for my mailing list!

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What's in this episode?
Today's episode is the second in our two part series with Kristen Feemster. In this episode, we continue to talk about views on diversity in recovery, mental health and how it applies to to the black community. 

In this episode we talk about:

• Summing up the first year of sobriety (mine was getting over that recovery was not just stopping drinking), Kristen talks about why she said "yes" to everything
• How spirituality came back into her life and how it helped her establish a routine for herself in order to get back to her potential 
• S.M.A.R.T. goals and how it's helped her tackle big tasks in her life
• Recovery and how it applies to the work she does with her personal clients (how she shares, when she shares -- how it applies to both her safety and the safety of her clients)

I hope you enjoyed our series! It was amazing being connected with Kristen and I can't wait to have her back on the show. Feel free to follow her on her IG or reach out to her for services.

• www.believebefreebewell.com
• @KristenFeemster
• Facebook.com/b3bykristen

And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 

If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

• IG: gettingyourishtogether
• Email: [email protected]
• Sign up for my mailing list!

Support the show

What's in this episode?
Today's episode is the first in another two part interview. Kristen Feemster joins us on the podcast to talk about her view on diversity in recovery, mental health and how it applies to to the black community and why fitness has been her saving grace. 

In this episode we talk about:

• Kristen's backstory of being a rising basketball athlete, a straight A student and how lack of structure led her to down the path to alcoholism  
• Why Kristen decided to be honest about her recovery with her fitness and mental health clients
• Lack of diversity in recovery places and how that can unintentionally alienate people of color that want to get (and remain) clean 

Tune in next week to hear the second half, where we will discuss the benefits of recovery and how it has impacted not only Kristen's life but career. 

And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 

If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

• IG: gettingyourishtogether
• Email: [email protected]
• Sign up for my mailing list!

Support the show

YO! I can't believe January is almost gone! It flew by fast this year and I know some of y'all may be coming to the end of your sober January or maybe contemplating a sober February or longer stint. I wanted to wrap up this month with a little more detail around problematic drinking.

Thing we will discuss:

• Alcohol abuse versus alcohol dependence (it’s not the same)
• Ways you can be honest with yourself about how much you drink
• I did an episode earlier in this podcast about how I realized I had a problem; listen here!

What is Alcohol Abuse?

• Things to ask yourself: Has your drinking gotten in the way of work or school? Any legal issues or alcohol-related medical issues? If you answer yes, then you may be abusing alcohol.
• What it is: technically alcohol abuse is any “harmful use” of alcohol. If your use of alcohol impedes your daily life at critical levels (mentally, socially, emotionally, and physical). You may be struggling with alcohol abuse. You may not necessarily be an alcoholic, but your drinking may be above the recommended levels.

Risky levels are considered:

According to the NIAAA, guidelines for "heavy" or "at-risk" drinking are as follows:

• Five or more drinks for men: Five or more drinks during any one drinking session, or more than 14 drinks a week, is considered risky.
• Four or more drinks for women: Four drinks or more during a day, or more than seven drinks a week, is considered heavy drinking for women.

More info can be found here.

What is Alcohol Dependency?

• What it is: Your drinking falls into the “harmful use” category. 

Some key differences that alcohol dependents may exhibit:

• Drink-seeking behavior. Going to events, parties, etc. that you know will include drinking. 
• You only hang with others that drink and are suspicious of others that don’t drink.
•  Alcohol tolerance is crazy high. 
• Drinking to avoid withdrawal/hangover symptoms. 
• Putting conditions around your drinking.

If you see yourself in any thing that I’ve discussed, the first thing is not to panic. But I urge you to really sit with yourself and think. 

If you think your drinking falls into the dependent category and you want to go cold turkey, that may not be the best option, especially if you have been at it for a long time. Alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous and life threatening if not done properly. Please seek out help. 

If you’re not sure, note how many drinks you have in a week. Be honest about it. Document your moods and thoughts. Was it purely social and having a good time? Are there underlying things?

If you want to cut back, make a conscious choice to that. Write down how many you want to have and then hold yourself accountable.

Try to avoid your triggers. You may have to learn to associate fun without alcohol. This will take some time. I know I felt so awkward for the better part of last year. FOMO. I love to dance at clubs, lounges, parties and I just couldn’t be free. It was odd but you will get over all of it. Just stick with it and you will learn to have fun other ways too.

Boundaries. I feel I talk about them every week, but you may need to spruce these up too. Not everyone you know will be cool with your cutting back or stopping. It sucks but learning to say NO or standing up for yourself will be key. If you get pressure, that is more about them and not you. You will have to determine if the relationship is worth it but before you decide that – boundary up, my friends.

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Today’s episode, I want to dig into disrespect. This episode was very vulnerable for me to record. I wavered on publishing it but I'm trying to not hold back this year. This is my truth and I hope it helps someone out there.

I know I have talked about leveling up and things like that but I want to go into some of the things that led me to really treat myself poorly. My drinking was a direct result of a lot of this.

Bottom line: I didn’t love myself. I didn’t believe in myself. I didn’t trust myself.

"I didn't trust myself" - I wasn’t honest:

• I lied to others and myself. If I didn’t like something, I would be passive-aggressive and conveniently forget or do what I wanted.
• I projected what I thought others wanted me to be. Then would resent them for it.
• I wouldn’t stand up for myself. I kept my mouth shut to keep the peace.
• I surrounded myself with people who were quick to withhold information or lie. They didn’t trust me and I didn’t trust them.

"I didn't believe in myself" - Boundaries: I didn’t have any. I let others define them for me.

• No sense of self: If I wasn’t the “good child,” the older more together sister, the unassuming girlfriend, the go with the flow friend then I wasn’t good 
• I would react to others boundaries and thought that I deserved everything that happened
• I never knew how to say no
• I would hold or take on others pain/frustration
• I would allow people to treat me horribly because I thought my job was to hold their shit. I was used to walking around on eggshells – I understood that. 
• I wouldn’t cry 
• I would disassociate frequently – still do, sometimes (also, it's fight, flight or fright)

"I didn't love myself" - I didn’t cherish my body: I would let anything happen to it.

• I wasn’t raised to value myself. I was told often that there was something wrong with me. I emotionally ate when we moved back to the states and I’ve always had an issue with my weight.
• I’d starve myself to be thin. 
• Extended family members would insult me and call me names after awhile I internalized it
• I would get traumatized and then use food or booze to escape and pile on the weight
• I put myself last.
• I’d put myself in situations with people who would use my body or ME for their benefit. I’m not proud of this but I didn’t know any better. I would rarely be sober.

If any of the things I outlined resonate with you, just sit with it. Come back to it, if it's too intense but don't push it away or bury it. 

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And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 

If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

• IG: gettingyourishtogether
• Email: [email protected]
• Sign up for my mailing list!

Support the show

What's in this episode?
Quick and dirty Q&A courtesy of my bestie, so yay! Question du jour is if I miss the "ease" of getting my drank on?  

Truth is: I had to think on this because I didn't know how to respond. Do I miss the aftermath? No. Do I miss numbing? Depending on how overwhelmed I feel that day. So, give this episode listen - I share a tip on something I do to keep my focus (it works -- trust me, friends). 

So, what else?
Gotta listen and find out. I'm trying to make this into a regular segment, so if you have any questions around: addiction, recovery, being black and sober, early sobriety, leveling up, life sh*t, anything really -- let a girl know and I'd love to talk about it.  

And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 

If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

• IG: gettingyourishtogether
• Email: [email protected]
• Sign up for my mailing list!

Support the show

**Trigger/Content Warning: This episode includes discussions around suicide and suicidal thoughts. I acknowledge that this content may be difficult. I also encourage you to care for your safety and well-being.**

What's in this episode?
This week, Carlita Victoria an NYC-based actress and creator of the non-profit Darkness Rising joins us to talk about mental health, black families and therapy.   

In this episode we will talk about:

• Carlita's family history and how through that she learned to be open about her mental health struggles
• How learning to identify and be open about suicidal tendencies has reshaped Carlita's view of her life going forward
• How Darkness Rising came to be, how mental health and the entertainment industry plays a key role in the organization

For those in the NYC/NJ area, Darkness Rising is having a free Fitness day on January 12th!

Connect with Darkness Rising:

• Here's a link to the FREE Fitness Day: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/86913770427
• Darkness RISING: Live 3 is on Monday April 3rd. 
• Website: Darknessrisingproject.org
• Twitter: @DarkRiseProject
• Facebook: @Darknessrisingproject
• IG: @Darknessrisingproject
• Youtube: Music & Mental Health Video Series
• Make a tax-deductible donation: Bit.ly/darknessrising

-----
And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 

If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

• IG: gettingyourishtogether
• Email: [email protected]
• Sign up for my mailing list!

Support the show

What's in this episode?
Hey gang, time to get new eps a-popping. With all the festivities behind us, I wanted to revisit the series I started way back when around alcohol (check out the other eps below). Now that we're into 2020 and sober January has commenced for some, I wanted to talk about rock bottoms.

When do you have a problem?
You have a problem and need support, where to go?
Guilt & shame and how it impacts your life

Rock bottoms! What is it? What does it mean?

• Rock bottom can be just one thing (i.e. physical, financial, emotional) or it can be a mix.
• It's personal to you. It's your "why" basically. When you can't keep going through life the same way that you used to do.
• It's not just associated with addiction but its usually what people think of when they hear the term.
• If your rock bottom is addiction-related, you need to sit and really ask yourself the hard questions. Here is a quiz to take if you think you have a problem.

What can it symbolize?

• Change: It's about you questioning everything in your life. 
• Your ego will take a hit: It can be very humbling because you will start to see YOU as you truly are. It can be hard to stomach if you've been in denial or putting on a lie for years. 
• You will have fear/anxiety: Change can be scary and we all have bad habits or coping mechanisms for a reason. It will take awhile to sift through and unlearn. 

What you should know?

• Your path: It's not linear. There will be stop/starts. You will get frustrated but remember, it's like learning anything new. You weren't born able to walk out the gate or ride a bike. It will take time to learn new, healthier ways of being.
• Accountability: A lot of people fear or hate that word. But while climbing out of your rock bottom -- accountability to yourself will make so much sense because it's not about the quick fix, it's about cultivating the result you need in order live the life you want. You want and desire more for yourself. Complaining, casting blame won't fit it. The only thing that will is putting in the work. 
• Compassion/Empathy: That will expand because you'll be able to see things from others perspectives more and be able to extend some level kindness. However, kindness is not enabling. 

Three things you can do:

• Treat yourself kindly! Guilt/Shame won't help. 
• Find a positive outlet: For me it was creative. It was scary at first because it was raw but it's been incredibly healing. So, I urge you to find something similar for you. Channel all your feeling into something constructive.
• People: Surround yourself with the people that will elevate your vibe. Will champion your growth. That may be people currently in your circle or it may not be. Be okay with that either way.

And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 

If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

• IG: gettingyourishtogether
• Email: [email protected]
• Sign up for my mailing list!

Support the show

What's in this episode?
Friends! I can't believe it's basically the end of the damn year! Where did this year go? I swear, it felt like yesterday when I was looking up at the clock in Virginia at this "interesting" end of year party with one of the best friends counting down until 2019 (and no more drinking). Crazy town! So, in celebration of this new year coming to close, I wanted to talk about the top five things I learned or came to discover this year. 

Let's dive on in, shall we?!

• Favorite Book: Self Compassion - Kristen Neff
  • I have spoke about this book at length because it is that great. The exercises will really help you shape how you view yourself but how your sense of self impacts those in the world around you. I will always consult this book because I pick something up each time I read it. 
• Favorite Album: Jimmy Lee - Raphael Saadiq
  • Saadiq is a phenom and such a brilliant, insightful soul. I AM SO INTO HIM -- I don't even try to hide it but his most recent album just smacked me in my musical soul. If you are going through addiction or know someone who has suffered -- this will probably hit you in the feels somewhere. Hell, if you just love raw, honest music -- it will probably hit you too. 
• Favorite Phrase: One day at a time
  • This phrase is common in the recovery circles but it's such a simple, yet true phrase. You only have the one day, you can only take things one day at a damn time. It didn't really click with me until this year and is one of my mantras. It balances when I feel myself going into a spiral and not able to control everything. 
• Favorite Break through: Being able to see peoples reactions from their viewpoint and not take it personally. It's their stuff not mine. In other words, holding space but with BOUNDARIES!
  • Yo! Boundaries and being able to have them when I have had to deal with complex situations with people that I care about. GAME CHANGER. I think empathy gets confused with being a doormat, (don't think that it is) but my empathy has definitely grown when I was able to step outside of myself and just see the issue/problem for what it was. The good/bad on both sides. It boiled down to two people hurting or not getting their needs met. How can you not feel for that? It was nice being able to see it that way and not taking it in internally. I think it has allowed me to be more present for those closest to me. 
• Favorite Thing about 2019: Recovery hands down!
  • I can't believe it's coming up on a year. This year has been my most productive, my most vulnerable, my most introspective and even with all the damn tears that I shed -- the most loving and probably healthy. So happy that I made it out sober and can't wait to see what 2020 has in store for all of us. 

And as always, thank you for listening to my baby podcast. It was really a labor of love for me and something that I wanted to get out there in hopes that it would resonate with someone. I can't wait to pick things up with you all in the new year! Be safe, healthy and happy out there, friends! 

If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 

Hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

• IG: gettingyourishtogether
• Email: [email protected]
• Sign up for my mailing list!

Support the show

What's in this episode?
I say this all the time but when I first decided to get sober, I thought my life would stay the same MINUS the copious amounts of booze. But your girl was lying to herself in every way possible! One thing to note though, is that not only will YOU be going through all the changes (the good/bad/ugly) but the people who relate to you, shit -- even strangers may have something to say about your recovery. 

Things you may discover:

• Most will be supportive. In fact, you will probably meet people who champion you in a quicker amount of time compared to people who knew you for years! Embrace it.
• On the flip, people who have may been in your life or you have strong ties with may react differently towards you. It will be hard NOT to take it personal but you have to do your best to keep a healthy distance. Usually, when someone acts out of character to you, it has more to do with them and not you. However, if you respect/cherish the relationship - please bring it up to them when you're ready.
• You may meet people who will challenge your recovery. They may substances around, ask you to purchase or push up against your resolve in some way. Again, that's more about them and not you...and face it, some folks are just assholes. 

And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 

If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

• IG: gettingyourishtogether
• Email: [email protected]
• Sign up for my mailing list!

Support the show