Getting Your Sh*t Together

Hey Friends!

Today's episode I wanted to dive into the first year of recovery. As I always state, recovery is personal and individual but I have seen some common themes when it comes to navigating that first year. I want to spend today's time with you to talk about some things that were amazing (to me) and things not so great (to me) as I navigated my first year of recovery or as I like to see it the "Renaissance year of Cynthia." Let's dive in!

The Good:

• Understanding yourself more! 
  • During my first year, I learned so much about myself. Discovered what matters, what I value, and what I don't. I never knew what I really stood for until I decided to recover my life. 
• Having a clear head
  • I was used to always being a fog. Alcohol consumed me and if I wasn't shaking off a daily hangover (of some kind), I was focused on the happy hours or weekend, so I could indulge. My mind wasn't being used to its fullest potential. 
• Building relationships outside of using
  • Learned to meet new people can be awkward and anxiety-inducing. I'm very introverted but developing new relationships or cultivating the ones I had before in a new way was key. I discovered being able to have activities where alcohol wasn't the focal point and it was fun. 
• New hobbies
  • Talk about these all the time. Got really into sensual dance. Discovered my love of self-portraiture. All new things for me that I enjoyed and used a tool to explore and get to know myself more. 

The Bad: (kinda)

• Emotional Ups and Downs and how to navigate them
  • Man, oh, man! It was nuts. Allowing myself to feel. Defining what I feel. Why I was feeling it? There was just a lot there to unpack. It was overwhelming and I hated parts of it but I tried my best to put in that work. 
• FOMO or old hangouts/friends may not “fit” you anymore
  • It sucks feeling like you have outgrown people or situations but it's really a part of life. We may just halt ourselves from doing it. 
• Struggling to find balance
  • For an all or nothing type of chick, this was something I STRUGGLED with. 
• Seeking out new ways to get “high”
  • You still crave that rush of intensity. How do you navigate that and channel it constructively? 

Net/Net: You will grow so much without even realizing it! I encourage you to document this process and revisit where you were and reflect. It can be hard to see growth when you are just trying to make it through the day. I've been there and I see you.

Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. 

And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 

If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

• IG: gettingyourishtogether
• Email: [email protected]

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What's in this episode:

This episode is short and sweet, since today is Juneteenth, I wanted to talk about using our voices and that they're different ways to use your voice. 

Things to realize:

• I often hid in plain sight. Being raised in predominately white environments, where being black was often a sticking point, I quickly withdrew so as not to give to much attention to myself.
• Even when I was around other black people, I didn't know how to relax and be myself because I was so used to putting a facade in order to feel "safe" or make it through the day.  This was HUGE as I look back on my drinking and self destructive habits.
• In recovery, after getting in touch with my feelings -- I realized I didn't want to shy away from my voice or patterns. Instead, I went against my usual and decided to embrace all of it. 
• But in all honesty, it's still a WIP. We all are. That's what makes life interesting (and at times, painful). The goal is to still keep going. 

Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. 

And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 

If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

• IG: gettingyourishtogether
• Email: [email protected]

Support the show

**Disclaimer: my poor mic is having feedback issues. Trying my best to work out the kinks and will be resolved for episodes going forward!**

What's in this episode:

This episode is just a continuation of anger. With everything going on, I just want to say that your anger is justified. What I want to unpack is how to move the needle forward or what to think about when it comes to how you manifest anger.

**NOTE: I'm not a therapist. So, this is only from my viewpoint only!**

Things to realize:

• Anger is considered a secondhand emotion. In that, when we're angry -- there is usually has to deal with us feeling: hurt, scared or threatened, disappointed or stressed. There is usually a primary reason and how we show our feelings around that primary emotion can come out as anger.
• Being angry, it makes it easier for us to discount the primary emotion and just sink into the anger and not unpack it. We feel comfortable in it because it makes us feel better about our role in a particular situation (usually).
• Anger can cause us to numb ourselves. Especially, if guilt/shame is at play. If we don't want to unpack our "stuff," it's easy to seek something else out to divert our attention. As someone who used drinking to cope with everything, I can't count how many times I used drinking to mask how down I was feeling, hoping the booze would make it go away.
• Some tips and tricks to move ourselves out of anger. Being self aware is key, practicing empathy and I like to "parrot" back things that I hear to make sure we're both understanding each other!

Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. 

And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 

If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

• IG: gettingyourishtogether
• Email: [email protected]

Support the show

Before I dive into my topic today, I just wanted to say that this week, I lost someone so important to me in my life. She championed me from the jump, she understood my career (she was a mentor for me), she understood me and supported me in ways that I can't even imagine. She was like my cool ass aunt and we didn't know each other for long but each moment mattered. We loved each other, she was a great confidante, friend and mentor. I will miss her forever. I'm angry (not at her) and I'm grieving badly but since this podcast is about going through it and being authentic. I'm still going forward with posting but damnit. Paula, you will be missed SO DAMN much and this loss fucking sucks.

So anger? Anger is tricky. It's an emotion that registers different from person to person and from situation to situation.

When I was drinking, I prided myself that I never got angry. Of course, that was BS because any time I felt a negative emotion (hurt, sad, frustrated, disappointed), I would bury it all in the bottle. This episode I want to discuss certain types of anger, how it may show up, how you can navigate it and not feel shame around it. We're all in this together, after all.

Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. 

And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 

If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

• IG: gettingyourishtogether
• Email: [email protected]

Support the show

What's in this Episode?

Just saying hello, my friends. Just a check in, no set topic but a check in with you all. The world is still...crazy, Most of us are still in our homes (and if you're not -- thank you for the work that you do for us), either way I wanted to just have a laidback catch up convo.

First, an announcement! My online friend @blackgirl_ on IG is throwing a "Sober Sistah's" Meetup for black and mixed race ladies every Wednesday at 7pm UK time. So, if you want to connect with some international sober ladies of color, join the fun! You can find more info on her IG.

But anyway, I just wanted to be open and transparent about where I am. Hopefully, you can relate and I'm always up for questions or advice. Next week, we will be back to our regular programming but you know...like I said, this show will be atypical and rough around the edges like yours truly!

Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. 

And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 

If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

• IG: gettingyourishtogether
• Email: [email protected]

Support the show

I think relapse gets a bad reputation in most recovery circles and it puts unneeded pressure on folks trying to keep themselves clean. It’s understandable as humans, we want to succeed and kick ass in the things that matter to us. Hopefully, recovery falls under that bucket.

But things happen sometimes. As I’ve mentioned before, not everything is linear. The best course of action is not to guilt yourself or feel shame. In this episode, we will talk about relapses, what it is, the types, ways to recognize if you (or a loved one) is going down that road and tips to course correct if something like this were to happen.

So, what is a relapse exactly? Well, there are two well know types of relapse:

• The “traditional” relapse – this is when someone makes the conscious decision to use
• The “freelapse” – this is when you accidentally relapse (drink something at a party that you didn’t know had booze in it)

However, a relapse is in play way before you actually succumb to it. There are three stages: emotional, mental and then physical. This can look like:

• Emotional: Not being honest with yourself. You may start to crave more than usual and brush it off. Part of you may want to be sober but the thought of not doesn’t seem too bad either.
• Mental: Glamorizing your drug/alcohol/vice use – when the stories are just so good in your imagination that you have a feeling of longing for those times and neglect to see the bad side
• Physical: the actual using of that particular vice. This can happen in a span of days, weeks, months, etc. 

Common risk factors:

• Triggers! Can be social or environmental. If your surroundings haven’t changed, it can be hard for you to
• Stress: A lot of us used to cope with the stressors of daily life. If we don’t replace the poor coping mechanisms with something healthy – we can start to backslide
• Family/Friends: It could be your close relationships use or there is still a level of peer pressure. If you’re not solid in who you are and what is best for you, you can easily decide to go with the crowd and blend in
• Your own confidence: If you don’t have much confidence in yourself, you may not think you can stay clean. 

Tips for navigating:

• Have a relapse plan. Write it out if you need to. Write down why using isn’t good for you, what it does, bad things that have happened, people in your squad that should be contacted if shit goes down.  
• Seek out help. Friends, family, sober friends, therapist, recovery or treatment programs
• Boundaries: revisit them and see where things need to change or strengthen
• Don’t beat yourself up. I know feeling bad may come with it but it’s not going to help you get back on track. Instead (once you’re feeling a bit better) revisit why the relapse happened. What choices did you make or didn’t make? Are there things that you could have differently? Are there things you need to change? You need to be honest with yourself about this. 

Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. 

And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 

If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

• IG: gettingyourishtogether
• Email: [email protected]

Support the show

Hey all!

It's been a minute since I dropped an episode. I will be honest between work, 'rona, and this quarantine -- your girl had to take a mental break. More to come there. However, I missed y'all and wanted to jump back in with more of a fun topic. 

So, dating...I know folks are still getting their date on during this time, so if that's you, I'd love to hear how it's going. I love how this crazy world has kinda forced us to slow it down and actually court each other. I know, I'm old fashioned but I dig it.

In this episode, I chat it up about:

• Why I took the suggestion of not getting into anything/or dating anyone for my first year in recovery
• Whether I disclose about my alcoholism upfront or not. 
• How first dates go for me and how the first date jitters are now
• Being authentic on first dates and standing in my truth
• Realizing my pattern of dating unavailable people or being unavailable myself

Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. 

And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 

If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

• IG: gettingyourishtogether
• Email: [email protected]

Support the show

Hey all!

I'm sure most of us are trying to adjust to this new way of existing. I know that I am. First full week in working remotely and my cabin fever is already quite high.

While I do go outside for a bit, it's not like how it used to be. It also doesn't help that spring is officially here and I want to be all out there taking it in.

However, we do what we have to do. Just sending a quick post, checking in with you all. Giving some tips on how to navigate these times (if you're stuck inside) or how to keep yourself balanced (if you have to still go out there). Shout out to our service people, doctors, nurses, hospital staff that still have to show up and do the damn thing. We appreciate you!

Episodes will still be coming your way weekly. I'm looking forward to getting to know you all more now that our worlds have been mandated to slow down.

Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. 

And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 

If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

• IG: gettingyourishtogether
• Email: [email protected]

Support the show

(Hey friends! I spoke about my lack of sense of self in my prior episode on self disrespect. Received a lot of good feedback from the episode, so I appreciate it. If you missed it, check it out here.)

This episode, we’re going to dig into sense of self. What it is, how it can impact your life if you don’t have one and ways to go about defining/cultivating it for you!

What a sense of self implies:

• You know who you are
• You are confident in who you are (the good and bad)
• Self esteem is relatively high or solid (not the same as having a big ego – which is usually more about feeling inferior/insecure, when you really dig into it)
• Being grounded within your self even when life gets real 

When it came to myself:

• I was forced into being an adult before I should have been one
• I felt like I had to take care of my immediate family, close friends, past relationships BUT also, I thought that was my job to do that. 
• I read about values/core beliefs and got the idea but never would think to apply them to myself
• I mirrored what I thought others wanted, even if I didn’t feel comfortable
• I never looked at what I wanted. I reacted to others and discarded my own or buried them down (food/drinking/sex)

Why drinking and my other addictions masked it:

• Numbing, I drank until I couldn’t think or feel. I made poor decisions in order to keep the self hate loop going in my head. I would “blame it on the alcohol” but it was really all me. 

How to cultivate a sense of self:

• Encourage yourself. Getting props from others is great but if you don’t pump you up – what others say will only resonate so far.
• Hobbies and Interests. Why are you into what you’re into? What do you get out of it? If you don’t have any hobbies – why not? What keeps you from finding something your passionate about? Is there some guilt/shame there?
• See shit through. When things get tough, it’s easy to throw in the towel. When you’re feeling out of your comfort zone, don’t know how something is going to play out – it’s easy to chuck it and go back to what is familiar. That’s how you stay stuck or small. Growth is part of discomfort. 
• Think about what matters to you. If something rubs you the wrong way or irritates you, explore why instead of brushing it off or pushing it down. May be a key to a value or core belief that is important to you. Having core beliefs will help you understand what matters to you as a person and can also help you examine how it is showing up in your life. Why isn’t it showing up? Do you allow it? Do you feel like you shouldn’t? Think about those things and really sit with it.
• Boundaries. Yes, I know – I’m a broken record. Knowing when to say no, knowing when to speak up for yourself, knowing how to do it. That will help your sense of self grow
• Take time for you. Sometimes you need that alone time. Sometimes you need to take a step back, regroup and then step forward. Nothing wrong with that. Most people should understand that and if they don’t…well, I’d examine that relationship and see if it’s healthy for everyone involved.

And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 

If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

• IG: gettingyourishtogether
• Email: [email protected]

Support the show

What's in this episode?
I think coping has been thrown out a lot more the past couple of years. I know, I would have side eyed this a couple of years ago because you know, we’re all human and we have to get by. Cue talib kweli!

We all cope good and badly. Hopefully, more good than bad but even if not, that can change – if you want it too.

What can coping can be?

• A way to soothe yourself if you’re feeling anxious, emotional, overwhelmed, confused, etc 
• Something that will calm you down, make you feel more balanced
• It tips into if it’s bad or good based on how you feel after you’ve calmed down. Does it leave you energized, focused, driven OR do you feel rundown, lethargic, numb?

Coping & Me:
I coped poorly. I took the path of least resistance. I stuck to things that would numb me, take me out of my head (even if I knew it was hurting me). If it made me feel like shit or allowed me to keep treating myself like shit. I was all for it. Drinking was my biggest way to cope. The thought of trying to figure something out, process something, confront something or someone would send me into overdrive. It was much easier to take it out on the bottle. I would spend days, nights, hours drink just to not deal with my life. Or deal with the people that were in my life.

Why do we cope the way that we do?

• It’s what we know. 
• It’s easy/familiar to us. If it’s a bad coping mech, it’s usually immediate, so we don’t have to wait to get the result we want
• It’s acceptable in your world, so you don’t have to explain it
• Low self-esteem/no sense of self
• Numbing / don’t have to feel or think about shit/Distraction

Other things that fall under this category would be:

• Drugs/alcohol use
• Emotional eating
• Risk seeking behavior (sex usually falls into this)
• Smoking
• Excessive reliance on technology 

Healthy ones could be:

• Exploring your creativity
• Meditating (your girl has tried this)
• Writing
• Self-care activities 

How to notice what kind you have or are displaying?

• Awareness. Self-awareness is so crucial. It can be a bitch, though. When I want to act out, it’s always coping poorly but maaaan – being aware that’s what it is, is crazy. 
• Name what is driving you. Whether it’s a situation or emotion, think on it. Ask if is it really worth it? 

And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. 

If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. 

• IG: gettingyourishtogether
• Email: [email protected]
• Sign up for my mailing list!

Support the show