Grief Informed Perinatal Care

Today I have the absolute honor and pleasure to talk with Barb Higgins. This woman is a culmination of so many things I don't know how to explain all she is and all she does. I hope you get so much out of this episode, I know I did. She has a way of making you feel comfortable and safe.

Throughout her story, Barb emphasizes the importance of community and support for mothers who have experienced child loss. This conversation explores the themes of connection and support, grief and loneliness, the special bond between mothers and babies, the impact of baby loss on the holidays, creating new traditions, avoiding holidays and grief, and finding joy in the chaos of parenting.

Takeaways

• Child loss is an isolating experience, and mothers need to find a supportive community to connect with.
• Mothers who have experienced child loss have a unique bond and understanding of each other's grief.
• The journey of motherhood can be filled with both joy and tragedy, and it is important to celebrate and remember all of our children, regardless of how long they were with us.
• Health issues and complications can impact pregnancy and childbirth, and it is important to have a supportive medical team.
• Sharing our stories and experiences can help others going through similar situations feel less alone and provide them with hope and support. Grieving parents often find solace and support in connecting with others who have experienced similar losses.
• Guilt and self-blame are common reactions to the loss of a child, but it's important to remember that it's not the parent's fault.
• The bond between mothers and babies is special and continues even after the baby's death.
• Miscarriage and stillbirth are significant losses that deserve acknowledgment and support.
• Ultrasound memories can be cherished by parents and serve as a connection to their lost child.
• The reality of baby loss is unimaginable to those who haven't experienced it.
• The holidays can be particularly challenging for grieving parents, and it's important to find ways to navigate them.
• Creating new traditions can help grieving parents cope with the holidays and find meaning in their grief.
• Easing back into holiday celebrations after the loss of a child can be a gradual process.
• Laughter can be a powerful tool for coping with grief and finding moments of joy.
• Acknowledging grief instead of cheerleading can be more helpful and supportive to grieving parents.
• The grieving process is unique to each individual and may take longer than expected.
• Assimilating traumatic events takes time and involves processing and grieving.
• The five-year mark is often mentioned as a significant milestone in the grieving process.
• Finding joy in the chaos of parenting can be a way to honor and remember the lost child.

Connect with Barb on Instagram, and make sure to grab a copy of her book!

Links + Resources:

• 💌 Join our grief + growth newsletter: Here
• 🎙️ Listen to more episodes: On Spotify or other favorite podcast platform!
• 🧡 Visit the Evelyn James Shop: https://evelynjames.shop

Thanks to our partnership with IMBODHI, my Favorite Mom Outfit, Join the adult onesie club! I promise you won't go back! Imbodhi is the most amazing brand out their for unique, colorful, ethically sourced and comfy materials. Get $15.00 off using my code! The mom outfit you don't want to miss out on! https://www.imbodhi.co/VALLEN31986

Connect with Me:

Instagram → @evelynjamesandco

Shop & Resource Hub → https://evelynjames.shop

If you find the podcast helpful, supportive, and uplifting and just love the message, please leave us a 5-star rating and leave a review! This helps our podcast tremendously, especially on Apple and Spotify! All the Others too!

This helps our podcast go to the top of searches and allows other moms to find us.

In this episode, Vallen Webb discusses 10 things you'd never know about pregnancy loss. She emphasizes the lasting impact of pregnancy loss and the difficulty in trusting oneself after experiencing such a loss. Vallen highlights the importance of recognizing that a pregnancy loss involves the loss of a baby. She explores the impact of pregnancy loss on relationships and the sadness that can be associated with holidays. Vallen shares that many individuals who have experienced pregnancy loss desire to have another pregnancy. She also discusses how priorities shift and the comfort-seeking behavior that can arise after a loss. Finally, Vallen emphasizes the desire to talk about and share the stories of our babies as a way to find connection and community.

Takeaways

• Pregnancy loss has a lasting impact and can be a difficult experience to navigate.
• Trusting oneself after a pregnancy loss can be challenging, but it is important to listen to our intuition.
• Pregnancy loss involves the loss of a baby, and it is important to recognize and acknowledge this.
• Pregnancy loss can have a significant impact on relationships, and communication and support are crucial.
• Holidays may be a sad time for individuals who have experienced pregnancy loss, as they envision the life they had imagined with their baby.
• Many individuals who have experienced pregnancy loss desire to have another pregnancy, not as a replacement, but as a way to experience the joy they were meant to have.
• Priorities often shift after a pregnancy loss, and individuals may focus more on experiencing moments rather than documenting them.
• After a pregnancy loss, many individuals become comfort-seeking homebodies, finding solace in being with loved ones at home.
• Talking about our babies and sharing their stories is important for finding connection and community.
• Finding joy and healing after a pregnancy loss is possible, although it may take time.

15 must-haves after pregnancy loss!

1. Your favorite drink! IF anyone asks what you want- ask them to grab your favorite coffee or tea or a gift card to your favorite place. This gives you somewhere to go to get out of the house as well.
2. Your memories. Photos, trinkets, anything tangible you can hold to grieve and mourn.
3. EXCEDERIN EXTRA STRENGTH. The crying… all the crying it hurts so much. Make sure to follow instructions on how much to take and how often.
4. A journal and your favorite pens or pencils. You will need a way to express yourself and writing is the easiest and most effective way to do it sitting down or laying down. OR use a voice recorder on your phone if you just want to talk into it.
5. A nice candle to burn in honor of your baby. I found this to be healing when I was journaling or spending time in her corner where all her stuff was. It was comforting to hear the wick flicker ( i love the woodwick candles).
6. 1 or 2 comfort outfits that you can wear that are ok to go out in public in- I wore my maternity dress because it was the most comfortable. You will spend a lot of time going back and forth for the first couple days. Don’t overthink it or make extra decisions.

Links + Resources:

• 💌 Join our grief + growth newsletter: Here
• 🎙️ Listen to more episodes: On Spotify or other favorite podcast platform!
• 🧡 Visit the Evelyn James Shop: https://evelynjames.shop

Thanks to our partnership with IMBODHI, my Favorite Mom Outfit, Join the adult onesie club! I promise you won't go back! Imbodhi is the most amazing brand out their for unique, colorful, ethically sourced and comfy materials. Get $15.00 off using my code! The mom outfit you don't want to miss out on! https://www.imbodhi.co/VALLEN31986

Connect with Me:

Instagram → @evelynjamesandco

Shop & Resource Hub → https://evelynjames.shop

If you find the podcast helpful, supportive, and uplifting and just love the message, please leave us a 5-star rating and leave a review! This helps our podcast tremendously, especially on Apple and Spotify! All the Others too!

This helps our podcast go to the top of searches and allows other moms to find us.

20 ways to celebrate and honor your baby after stillbirth or miscarriage.

Links + Resources:

• 💌 Join our grief + growth newsletter: Here
• 🎙️ Listen to more episodes: On Spotify or other favorite podcast platform!
• 🧡 Visit the Evelyn James Shop: https://evelynjames.shop

Thanks to our partnership with IMBODHI, my Favorite Mom Outfit, Join the adult onesie club! I promise you won't go back! Imbodhi is the most amazing brand out their for unique, colorful, ethically sourced and comfy materials. Get $15.00 off using my code! The mom outfit you don't want to miss out on! https://www.imbodhi.co/VALLEN31986

Connect with Me:

Instagram → @evelynjamesandco

Shop & Resource Hub → https://evelynjames.shop

If you find the podcast helpful, supportive, and uplifting and just love the message, please leave us a 5-star rating and leave a review! This helps our podcast tremendously, especially on Apple and Spotify! All the Others too!

This helps our podcast go to the top of searches and allows other moms to find us.

⁠⁠⁠20 Ways to celebrate and honor your angel baby.⁠⁠⁠ Printable.

⁠⁠⁠Pregnancy Loss Journaling Prompts⁠⁠⁠. Printable.

This is one of my favorite conversations! I know you will love it too. We talk about honoring the human experience, listening to the spirit of the baby, journey of healing and grief, the magic of life and death and the journey of souls.

If you understand energetics and that the world we live in is built upon vibrations and energy this conversation will give you chills.

Lauren is a baby soul communicator and energy intuitive and helps women to connect with their baby’s soul—anywhere from preconception to early childhood. She has worked as a Registered Nurse for over 20 years caring for critically unwell babies requiring intensive care from birth and has witnessed the death of countless babies who have left the Earth during pregnancy, birth and in those early hours, weeks and months.

Find Lauren here:

Instagram: @born_energy

Website: www.bornenergy.com.au

Links + Resources:

• 💌 Join our grief + growth newsletter: Here
• 🎙️ Listen to more episodes: On Spotify or other favorite podcast platform!
• 🧡 Visit the Evelyn James Shop: https://evelynjames.shop

Thanks to our partnership with IMBODHI, my Favorite Mom Outfit, Join the adult onesie club! I promise you won't go back! Imbodhi is the most amazing brand out their for unique, colorful, ethically sourced and comfy materials. Get $15.00 off using my code! The mom outfit you don't want to miss out on! https://www.imbodhi.co/VALLEN31986

Connect with Me:

Instagram → @evelynjamesandco

Shop & Resource Hub → https://evelynjames.shop

If you find the podcast helpful, supportive, and uplifting and just love the message, please leave us a 5-star rating and leave a review! This helps our podcast tremendously, especially on Apple and Spotify! All the Others too!

This helps our podcast go to the top of searches and allows other moms to find us.

When you lose a baby. You lose parts of you that you didn’t realize existed. You lose the version of yourself that you are and will never be that person again. This loss is so profound and so painfully visceral, it feels like dying- only your not. Not physically dying anyways. Parts of yourself go up in flames and come back down as ash and it is up to you to rise up from those ashes like a phoenix and You lose a person to love, a future you imagined and planned, you lose the tangible and physical ways to love your baby. The ache and the longing one has for their dead baby is unimaginable. It doesn’t go away but it becomes less deniable that it will happen. The longing is ignored because we know the truth that they will never be returned to us in a physical form. We have to create a place for us to connect with out babies. We need a sacred place that is ours. That we can love our baby in safety. For some of us this is a burial plot at the cemetery, for others it is a place in our home where our babies ashes are with us. We create a “ofrenda” of sorts but it is all year long. Over time that place grows with mementos that support our love for our babies.

Links + Resources:

• 💌 Join our grief + growth newsletter: Here
• 🎙️ Listen to more episodes: On Spotify or other favorite podcast platform!
• 🧡 Visit the Evelyn James Shop: https://evelynjames.shop

Thanks to our partnership with IMBODHI, my Favorite Mom Outfit, Join the adult onesie club! I promise you won't go back! Imbodhi is the most amazing brand out their for unique, colorful, ethically sourced and comfy materials. Get $15.00 off using my code! The mom outfit you don't want to miss out on! https://www.imbodhi.co/VALLEN31986

Connect with Me:

Instagram → @evelynjamesandco

Shop & Resource Hub → https://evelynjames.shop

If you find the podcast helpful, supportive, and uplifting and just love the message, please leave us a 5-star rating and leave a review! This helps our podcast tremendously, especially on Apple and Spotify! All the Others too!

This helps our podcast go to the top of searches and allows other moms to find us.

Grab your free PDF for 20 ways to celebrate and honor our babies. HERE.

Grab your free journaling prompts HERE.

Grab your free 30-day healing guide HERE.

This conversation goes into SO many aspects of parenting, motherhood and loss. We talk about the victim mentality that we have when things go terribly wrong in our life and how we have to make the choice or decide that we are going to find something good out of it. Even when our baby died/dies. We can choose to find something positive from it, even if it takes some times.

Links + Resources:

• 💌 Join our grief + growth newsletter: Here
• 🎙️ Listen to more episodes: On Spotify or other favorite podcast platform!
• 🧡 Visit the Evelyn James Shop: https://evelynjames.shop

Thanks to our partnership with IMBODHI, my Favorite Mom Outfit, Join the adult onesie club! I promise you won't go back! Imbodhi is the most amazing brand out their for unique, colorful, ethically sourced and comfy materials. Get $15.00 off using my code! The mom outfit you don't want to miss out on! https://www.imbodhi.co/VALLEN31986

Connect with Me:

Instagram → @evelynjamesandco

Shop & Resource Hub → https://evelynjames.shop

If you find the podcast helpful, supportive, and uplifting and just love the message, please leave us a 5-star rating and leave a review! This helps our podcast tremendously, especially on Apple and Spotify! All the Others too!

This helps our podcast go to the top of searches and allows other moms to find us.

This episode is filled with ah-ha moments for me. Marie is filled with knowledge and experience. If you have been here for a while you know I have a strained and toxic relationship with my mother and our relationship has been filled with conditional love as long as I remember. We talk about conditional love, striving for connection and approval, healing mother wounds and overcoming guilt and shame and how all of these things affect our motherhood.

Links + Resources:

• 💌 Join our grief + growth newsletter: Here
• 🎙️ Listen to more episodes: On Spotify or other favorite podcast platform!
• 🧡 Visit the Evelyn James Shop: https://evelynjames.shop

Thanks to our partnership with IMBODHI, my Favorite Mom Outfit, Join the adult onesie club! I promise you won't go back! Imbodhi is the most amazing brand out their for unique, colorful, ethically sourced and comfy materials. Get $15.00 off using my code! The mom outfit you don't want to miss out on! https://www.imbodhi.co/VALLEN31986

Connect with Me:

Instagram → @evelynjamesandco

Shop & Resource Hub → https://evelynjames.shop

If you find the podcast helpful, supportive, and uplifting and just love the message, please leave us a 5-star rating and leave a review! This helps our podcast tremendously, especially on Apple and Spotify! All the Others too!

This helps our podcast go to the top of searches and allows other moms to find us.

When I talk about normalizing pregnancy loss, a huge point in doing this work is so that women can find each other. When someone tells their story, others are more likely to share theirs as well. This creates connection and then it beautifully and subtly creates community. One by one women are sharing their stories. They are sharing their feelings, thoughts, and everything in between. Loss changes our entire worlds, it devastates our old selves and most of us turn into even better versions of ourselves. THis doesn’t mean we have stopped grieving or moved on, it simply means we have the courage to live beside it or with it. Losing Evelyn made me realize how much of a community we had in Lake Stevens, in our military community outside base. I had women and families bring us food and gifts and offer support, women who were not even considered friends, maybe acquaintances. They all took on this role of superwomen and I cannot tell you enough that they saved me. Knowing that so many are thinking of you, so many are quietly thinking of you and sending you love and prayers and hope. It is a powerful force that I think is lacking in our communities.

Links + Resources:

• 💌 Join our grief + growth newsletter: Here
• 🎙️ Listen to more episodes: On Spotify or other favorite podcast platform!
• 🧡 Visit the Evelyn James Shop: https://evelynjames.shop

Thanks to our partnership with IMBODHI, my Favorite Mom Outfit, Join the adult onesie club! I promise you won't go back! Imbodhi is the most amazing brand out their for unique, colorful, ethically sourced and comfy materials. Get $15.00 off using my code! The mom outfit you don't want to miss out on! https://www.imbodhi.co/VALLEN31986

Connect with Me:

Instagram → @evelynjamesandco

Shop & Resource Hub → https://evelynjames.shop

If you find the podcast helpful, supportive, and uplifting and just love the message, please leave us a 5-star rating and leave a review! This helps our podcast tremendously, especially on Apple and Spotify! All the Others too!

This helps our podcast go to the top of searches and allows other moms to find us.

My friends would visit and bring me coffee, just seeing their faces and being with me brought me so much hope and life. My bestie visiting for a week and making me laugh was hope. Sitting outside in the sunshine and letting in soak in was hope. Watching others from afar have babies that lived…was hope. Watching the world move on, even when it seemed to do so without me… was hope. Watching the seasons change brought me hope… nothing stayed still, it was always moving. So would I… one day. There were days a dragonfly would land on me and not just for a second or two. But I mean minutes passed where these dragonflies would just stay with me and I knew it was Evelyn visiting me and checking in on her family.

Even when your at your worst and you feel that you could just die from the pain, you won’t. That pain is there because there is LOVE attached to it. If we didn’t love or care so much, would it hurt that much?

Even if you don’t believe in god, having hope and faith in something out there will get you through. Evenif that is having faith in yourself in making it through your bad days. Hope in your family, your dogs, your job, your friends, your hobby, your dreams. You just have to hold on to the glimmers.