Grief Informed Perinatal Care

What's next? You start doing it little by little with these little moments, it will happen without you even knowing at first before you start to become more aware of it. You'll have moments when you are grieving or crying and you will have these small clips or visions or glimmers if you will .These little moments of hope, joy, love, or dreams. You will see the light, the sun, you will see beyond that thick fog of grief. As the days go by you will see a little more and a little more and realize that you are still here. Life is still here. Living your life is okay and necessary and no matter what that baby is your baby and you are his/her mama. Living your life doesn't mean disrespecting him/her. You have to go on living. Living with intention, awareness and joy brings so much happiness to your baby, i will guarantee it. They are always with us. This is not just a sad and devastating end, but a beautiful, unimaginable beginning.

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The first week you think about all you have lost. The future you imagined, the dreams you had for your baby, yourself and your family, that included them. You think about how unfair it is. You question your faith or spirituality because who would make this a part of our “destiny” something we HAVE to go through to become who we are meant to be. You start thinking about having another baby, you need another baby, not to replace the baby we lost but to have a baby because we are suppose to have one, we wanted one, we were growing one, our bodies are postpartum bodies without a baby, this isn’t suppose to happen. Doensn’t our bodies know? What do I have to go through postpartum when I don’t have a baby?

There are so many emotions and feelings we go through after we lose a baby. I was going through my journal that I kept after Evelyn died and I saw all of these conflicting feelings and thoughts and I remembered how confused I was. I want you to know how normal it is to feel these things. I also want you to know that it is a sign of tremendous strength to get help, just like I did.

Here are some journaling topics if you want to start writing and processing the things in your head. It really helps to get them on the page.

Journaling prompts here.

If you want to know more about me... your host, Vallen, this episode has it all. I figured it was time to connect with you all in a different way. Sharing who I am, who I was and where I am going!

Pregnancy Loss Education Course... Learn more HERE!

www.vallenwebb.com for free resources, the blog and more!

Prioritize your self-care. When you are grieving and in a place of deep despair and sadness, it is physically hard to move to even do the most mundane of tasks. It is essential that you try your best to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Grief can be draining, so make sure you're getting enough rest, eating well, and finding ways to cope with your emotions in healthy ways. I will always say you need these 4 things. SLEEP, SUN, MOVEMENT, WATER. ( FOOD IS A GIVEN) There is so much evidence to support these modalities of healing.

Seek Support. It can be so hard to ask for help when you don’t know what you need and there is no solution to what is wrong. But this is one of those situations where you need to lean on your support network, whether it's family, friends, or a support group. You don't have to go through this alone. Do you know anyone right now who has gone through loss? Is this a person you could talk to, and have a weekly check-in on? There are some wonderful support groups out there, I suggest asking in mom groups on FB in your area or surrounding cities. I highly recommend going off of a recommendation rather than a google search. Find a therapist who can support you through your grief and healing journey. This again, can take time to find the right support person. Ask friends and family to help with the kids, animals, grocery shopping, or cleaning.

Professional Help. Not everyone feels comfortable going to therapy or trying to find mental health help. But if you find your grief is overwhelming and affecting your ability to parent, consider seeking support from a grief counselor or therapist.

Communicate with Your Children. Effective communication during a grieving period can be so hard. What and how you talk to your children can depend on their age and understanding. I always encourage families to have open and honest conversations with your children about your grief. Make sure to use age-appropriate language and answer their questions to the best of your ability without lying or being vague. This one was always tricky for me. I always wanted to make sure there was a balance and I wasn’t throwing all of my emotions or feelings on my girls, especially without my husband home.( He was on a 7-month deployment when I had my full term 40 weeks 5 day stillbirth) The girls and I spent all of our time together and sometimes it was hard not to just sit there and cry when I was cuddling with them, being reminded that Evelyn should be there too.

Maintain Routines. Adults and children find comfort in routines, so try to maintain a sense of normalcy as much as possible. Consistency can provide them with a sense of stability during a devastating time. A month after my daughter died, Jon headed back to his ship on deployment and the girls and I went back to our daily summer routine. There was relief in our simple steps.

Be Patient with Yourself. Remember, grief is a process, and it's okay to have days when you're struggling more than others. The healing after losing a baby is anything but linear. You will have waves, more so in the beginning. Be patient with yourself and acknowledge your emotions.

Create Special Moments Despite your grief, try to create positive moments with your children. Board games, puzzles or watch a silly family movie and just soak in all the love and cuddles. One day you will come to realize it is all about love. At the end of the day, love is what will make it all okay.

Find free resources at www.vallenwebb.com

If you are a doula or postpartum doula and you would like to support loss...

There are a few things that can get us through this devastating loss. Two of these things are goals and purpose. A lot of us try and find purpose after stillbirth or miscarriage. Some of us discover and create goals to keep us on an upward path. These two things help bring hope back in the picture. Something to look forward to and work towards. I also believe it helps speed up the healing process. Pregnancy loss takes a lot from as as women and mothers and humans in general. Stillbirth and miscarriage are still taboo and stigmatized in our society. Nobody wants to talk about it. I'm kinda blazing my own trail and trying to figure this all out as I go- normalizing pregnancy loss I mean.

Join me on this journey as we navigate it together . Let's dive in to the episode.

You can get free resources at

www.vallenwebb.com/resources

Click HERE for a list of pregnancy loss journaling prompts.

Helping children navigate grief is a sensitive and crucial task. Here are evidence-based strategies to support them during this challenging journey:

1. Open Communication: Encourage children to express their feelings and thoughts about the loss. Create a safe space for open discussions and validate their emotions. Be patient; sometimes they may not immediately understand or articulate their feelings.

2. Provide Honest Information: Use age-appropriate language to explain the situation and answer their questions truthfully. Avoid euphemisms or vague explanations. Tailor your approach to their age and comprehension level.

3. Maintain Routines: Stick to regular daily routines as much as possible. Consistency offers stability and predictability during a turbulent time, providing comfort to children.

4. Offer Physical Comfort: Physical touch, like hugs and cuddles, can provide reassurance to grieving children. Attend to their physical needs and offer comfort when they seek it.

5. Encourage Creative Expression: Allow children to express their feelings through art, writing, or other creative activities. This can serve as a therapeutic outlet for their emotions, facilitating communication.

6. Provide Reassurance: Children may experience guilt or fear after a loss. Reassure them that the loss wasn't their fault and that they are loved and supported. Address their concerns and emphasize their security.

7. Involve Them in Rituals: Include children in memorial rituals or activities that honor the memory of the deceased. This can help them feel connected and provide a sense of closure, reinforcing the idea that their loved one will always be remembered.

8. Seek Professional Support: If a child's grief becomes overwhelming or persistent, consider involving a mental health professional trained in grief counseling. They can offer specialized guidance and support tailored to the child's needs.

9. Encourage Social Support: Foster connections with friends, family members, or support groups where the child can share their feelings and connect with others who have experienced loss. Reducing the stigma around discussing loss is essential for children to feel comfortable expressing themselves.

10. Monitor Their Well-being: Keep a close eye on changes in the child's behavior, mood, or sleep patterns. If signs of prolonged distress emerge, do not hesitate to seek professional help. Early intervention can make a significant difference in their healing journey.

These evidence-based strategies have proven effective in helping children cope with grief. Remember that each child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Be patient, adaptable, and open to seeking help when needed. Strength lies in asking for support, and by using these strategies, you can guide children through their grief journey in a healthy and supported manner.

Normalizing pregnancy loss involves making the conversation around stillbirth and miscarriage more common and accepted within society. The goal is to create an environment where individuals can openly discuss their experiences without fear of judgment or shame. It's interesting that we're trying to normalize something as profound as death, which society often tries to distance itself from due to its inherent discomfort and uncertainty. This avoidance is driven by the fear of the unknown and the discomfort that arises from facing the concept of mortality. However, avoiding conversations about pregnancy loss doesn't help the families affected by it.

The process of normalization plays a vital role in healing by addressing several crucial aspects:

1. Reducing Stigma: The stigma associated with pregnancy loss often prevents individuals from seeking support or sharing their stories. By normalizing the conversation, it becomes easier for people to seek help and discuss their experiences without fear of being judged.

2. Increasing Awareness: Normalizing a topic brings it into the public domain, enhancing understanding and knowledge. As awareness grows, empathy and support for those affected also increase.

3. Creating Connection: The normalization of pregnancy loss reminds people that they are not alone in their experiences. This shared connection can foster a sense of belonging and validation.

4. Encouraging Communication: Open discussions about normalized topics encourage people to talk openly about their emotions, experiences, and challenges. This communication can lead to a deeper understanding, empathy, and sharing of coping strategies.

5. Promoting Healing Strategies: Normalization of healing strategies like seeking therapy or practicing self-care can encourage individuals to adopt these practices without feeling unusual or weak.

To help normalize pregnancy loss, you can take several actionable steps:

1. Education and Awareness Campaigns: Utilize platforms like social media, podcasts, workshops, and community events to share information, stories, and resources. Educate people about the realities of pregnancy loss to counter misconceptions.

2. Promote Authentic Conversations: Create safe spaces for open and honest sharing. These spaces allow respectful, empathetic dialogue where people can express themselves without judgment.

3. Lead by Example: When influential figures or role models openly discuss and normalize these experiences, it sends a powerful message that these topics are important and should be discussed.

4. Media Representation: Showcase diverse and realistic portrayals of pregnancy loss in movies, TV shows, literature, and art. Accurate depictions contribute to the normalization process.

5. Collaborative Efforts: Partner with organizations, communities, and advocates sharing the goal of normalizing pregnancy loss. Collective efforts amplify impact and reach a broader audience.

6. Storytelling: Sharing personal stories humanizes the topic and helps others relate. It builds a sense of community and is integral to the healing process.

7. Consistency: Normalization is an ongoing process. Consistently discussing and advocating for the topic helps it become a natural part of conversations and reduces the novelty factor.

Ultimately, the goal is to move forward, not "move on." Healing is a continuous journey, and by focusing on identity building, finding joy, and practicing self-love, individuals can move forward while honoring their experiences and maintaining a sense of empowerment. Normalizing pregnancy loss is about recognizing its place in the tapestry of life and...

This is such a good episode.

I give you 10 actionable ways to love yourself after pregnancy loss. Using self-care, self-aware(ness) and self-love.

Sometimes after a stillbirth or miscarriage, we neglect ourselves because we blame ourselves. But I want to remind you, you did nothing wrong and that loving yourself isn't hurting the memory of your baby or make you a bad mom.

Sometimes we feel like we have to ALWAYS focus on the baby that died. If we aren't thinking about her/him, no one else is and they will be forgotten, I'm their mom, I need to think about them all the time. They deserve that.

Sometimes we are worried about taking care of ourselves and someone saying something mean or being unkind. Well you know what? Our baby may be gone, but we have to go on living- especially if there are other babies to take care of. So Guess what?! We have to take care of ourselves, if we don't what use are we? How can we fill others cups if ours is empty? Just because our baby died doesn't mean we can't love ourselves, and I'll keep reminding you and me of this!!!

You deserve to love you and nurture your soul. Let me give you some ideas on how!

to exploring the complexities of anxiety and how it can manifest in our lives after experiencing pregnancy loss. Anxiety is a common struggle for many of us, and while some may have coping mechanisms, the aftermath of a painful event can bring forth a whole new set of fears, worries, and intrusive thoughts that can be daunting to navigate.

In this podcast, we talk about my personal journey after experiencing my daughters stillbirth. I faced an overwhelming amount of anxiety surrounding the birth options for my sons. I felt paralyzed by indecision and the fear of making the wrong choice.

I hope you enjoy this episode and have a great week

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Jon headed back to work after 5 weeks of paternity leave... Here is what happened!

I had a really hard week and I wanted to share some of my thoughts with you!!! I tried to be so intentional with my week and lower my expectations because I knew it would be difficult. Boundaries were violated and I was upset and just realized how important it is that we really hold our boundaries and make sure we are taken care of.

Just remember you are important, your boundaries and needs are important and you have to take care of yourself, especially when you are healing.