Preschool Moms...I have done a few episodes on this topic as it’s my current phase of life having a 3yr old and a 5yr old!

Previously in this series I've talked with friends about how to connect with other parents which can be tricky with kids crawling all over us and interrupting every few sentences. Plus even meeting people can be hard as the quick hallway passing makes it hard focus. Yet, we typically are all on the birthday circuit seeing one another at 8 different fall birthday parties. We also discussed the dilemma of whether or not we should be putting our kids’ faces online without their consent and the lasting impacts of that still being a bit uncertain.

As we were even getting in the discussions I got the well deserved critique of “why is it preschool moms when dads are involved now too?” Hello. How sexist of me!

SO I wanted to bring in someone I know is a very hands on and involved dad to talk a bit about what it's like for our counterparts when it comes to this unique window of parenthood.

Welcome Andres Figueroa as we talk about his POV as a dad to two kids under the age of 4.

We chat about the unique role of dads in a kids' life and how important it can be.

In this phase of life my husband and I are also constantly sending parenting memes to each other so Andres & I pull up a few popular ones and discuss what makes them resonate so deeply with us.

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We’ve all been there… 

Someone comes up and says “Oh my gosh, I love your pants, they’re so cute!”

Then we all the sudden feel awkward. 

Sometimes we’ll say something like “Ah! Thanks yes I got them on sale only $10!” Or maybe along the lines of “These pants? Thanks just trying to distract from how I haven’t had a pedicure in 3 months.”

Or we say anything except a plain “Thank you.” 

I realized this a few months back when in a group setting and this topic came up - we went around the room and each answered “what do you do or how do you feel when someone gives you a compliment?” - most everyone admitted to feeling super weird and not knowing what to do next.

But why is that???

Are we afraid to take in the compliment and become conceited? 

Or do we actually not believe what they’re saying?

Perhaps it’s because we don’t trust the person saying it?

I wanted to dive a bit more into why compliments seem to make most of us cringe SO I asked one of my friends who was in that group (👋🏻 Robbie Aholoka) to come join me on the pod to talk about it more!

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Bringing back a crowd favorite to the pod… my mom @lisawhelchel!

She & I debated back and forth about what topic should we cover together and when we couldn’t land on one we chose to let the fates decide!

I threw up a question box on my Instagram Q&A and you guys delivered with some fascinating prompts

Ya lobbed a few easy ones like ”who was your first celebrity crush?” and

“what quality do you admire most in another individual”

Sprinkling in some medium-spicy - “If you had a warning label what would it say?” and “what is the sound that drives you crazy?”

Then turning on the heat with a few like asking “am I the black sheep of the family?” and talking about an activity/experience we have shared as adults that would have sounded impossible to me as a kid.

Tune in to the full episode to hear our responses. 

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It’s your favorite…. An Aaron! Takeover

What does it mean to “live the dream”? Most people might say…

💰 Financial security 

💼 Career Fulfillment

⛳️ Freedom

🏥 Health

🏆 Personal Accomplishments

☮️ Contentment

Dreams create hope

And hope leads us to the future

I think being able to dream together is one of the most important things we can do

But not just dreaming… we need to act on them

Together we discuss as a couple…

But my favorite one he asked…

“What dream are we living right now?”

I always love it when @aaronweits is the guest as we just follow his train of thought - and let’s just say he takes it all over the place, haha

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Social Media + Kids = ???

We are the first generation to really have to wrestle with this as we were the ones in jr. high / high school when social media even came about to give us access to each other 24/7. We were so naive throwing Facebook albums with 80 pictures from one night out and didn't really think about any lasting impacts as at the time it felt like it was just to your own inner circle. Since then it’s grown into this ginormous beast and we now know the internet is forever...

So, as we have kids, it’s a parent's real decision on whether or not you’re going to put your kids online or not. 

We don’t know enough about what the impact of that will be for them to have their childhood on display.

They can’t consent but do we consent for them? 

We may act as their proxy, but eventually we also have to decide what age do we give them access to it themselves?

It’s a topic I have with girlfriends of a “should we, should we not” so I wanted to bring in two other preschool moms and get their takes.

One of my friends, Nia Sanchez Booko, is literally on a reality television show with her family & her twin daughters star as the baby in "Young Sheldon" while another friend, Lauren Mulenos, throws emojis on her children when posting on her stories. I brought them both in to share their POV as we try to determine what's right for our respective families.

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Affair-proofing your marriage... hefty topic.

I don't think people go into their marriage thinking "one day I'm going to screw this all up, break any ounce of trust we built, and shatter my spouse's heart" - and yet, it happens.

Aaron & I have seen it enough times to develop a very healthy fear of it.

We've adapted the mindset of "it can happen to anyone, even us" and have adapted our behaviors accordingly.

Some highlights we talk about in this episode:

It would be so much easier to be superhuman and never give anyone else a second glance.

Plus it can feel so uncomfortable to have these types of conversations with your partner because saying the truth can hurt their feelings - but, wouldn't you rather give them the opportunity to actually fully know you vs just the parts of them you deem "acceptable"?

Remove shame by bringing your brokenness into the light and you may just find that it loses its power when you do that too.

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Communication can be tough - especially when you have to deliver some difficult feedback.

Kim Scott is a well-known figure in the business world, particularly for her work on management and leadership. Her background includes roles at major tech companies like Google and Apple, where she was involved in building and managing teams. 

She wrote the book "Radical Candor: How to be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity" which breaks down what it looks like to both care personally and challenge directly landing you in the sweet spot of radical candor.

But what are some of the other quadrants we can fall into?

• Do you slip into ruinous empathy which happens when you care a lot but never challenge? (Picture EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!!! from the Lego movie)

• Are you known at the office for your obnoxious aggression which isn't showing your invested in the other person but you're absolutely going full-force on the challenging? (Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada, anyone?)

• Or are you manipulatively insincere where you're not really emotionally involved at all or speaking up? (Office Space: "I'm gonna need you to come in on Saturday...mmmk?")

Our first ever Haven! book club read the book to discuss it together last month and had the privilege of the author herself joining to answer our questions.

Kim graciously answered our questions and I think you'll enjoy what she has to say!

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Becoming a mom can rock your world - all the sudden you're thrust into this entirely new chapter of your life where it's all consuming, entirely life-altering, and wholly identity changing to say the least. Somehow time moves so slowly (on a loop of feed, diaper, sleep, repeat) and yet quickly at the same time (they're already sitting up??)

For me, I felt strangely united with every single woman who came before me who had entered this journey, but also weirdly isolated because it was entirely new to me and no one knew exactly what I was going through.

Community and connection were my saving grace. But, it can be so hard to make friends who are in this similar phase of life with you - especially because the main question can be "is the fact that we have similar aged children all we have in common?"

I bring in a fellow mom, Kim Craven (known to all the kids as Kimmie!), that I met at our kids' preschool. She is the queen of organizing a group text event and currently we are both experiencing so many firsts together - our first born children entering school, first time navigating kids squabbling in class, etc.

I plan to make this topic a limited recurring series where I bring in other preschool parents as we discuss this unique phase of life!

Although, even if you don't have preschool kids, I think what we talk about is pretty universal - how do you put yourself out there and make new friends?

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Could you imagine being 12 years old at your first week of dance practice after being cast for the New Mickey Mouse Club - feeling so thrilled to be there, a little nervous but filled with anticipation - and the first thing the choreographer says as they comes over to you in your leotard is to pat your belly and say "Got a little gut on there don't you, girly? Gonna have to get rid of that..."

Yeah.

That happened to my mom.

How would you not begin to have some body image issues after that?

I bring her in for a heartfelt discussion about the uphill battle it can be to have a healthy relationship to your body.

Whether it was a dance teacher, TV commercial, or magazine ad targeted to inform you of your inadequacy it seems that society has been conditioning us to hate our bodies from multiple angles.

Yet, the concept of body neutrality - basically the act of taking a neutral stance toward your body both emotionally and physically - seems to be more difficult to implement as we are swimming upstream. The ability to not support the hatred towards your body's “limitations” but simply being at peace with your body is easier said than done, yet I do think there is a path forward.

My mom was really brave to experience share her journey with this throughout her life and also raising two young women with the intention to NOT have that be our inner monologue.

Join us as we discuss the power our bodies possess, far beyond what they even look like.

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Pet peeves... we all have them.

Those little annoyances that come up in our day typically triggered by someone else's behavior. Usually we feel a bit righteous about them like our way is the right way and they should "do better."

But, what about those ones that aren't really right or wrong - they are just absolutely your own personal preference and if anything the face that you're bothered by it makes you downright PETTY. No? Just me?

I bring in my friend Eric Roy for this topic and when we created the shared note to update as they came to mind we had to start scrolling that page within 24 hours.

What is it about us humans that we can always find things to be annoyed about? Plus, why do they even annoy us?

Together we share our own personal grievances (please don't cancel us) and then dive into a bit of what perhaps is the driving force of those emotions.

Overall those behaviors typically violate a core value or belief we have - yet, admittedly, we violate them all the time, so why do we give ourselves permission to do so but not others?

Join us as we go down a very dark hole of our own pettiness...

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