Welcome to Season 3!!!!!

This new season is all about relationships. I took a poll a few months ago asking why you're listening to this podcast and the topics that rose to the top were marriage, parenting, & friendships.

So with as our first topic... let’s get into some conflict.

What’s your favorite fight you’ve ever had?

How do you win an argument?

What happens in your body during an argument?

And the real question—what’s the best part of a fight?

In this episode, my husband Aaron and I dive deep into the messy, unavoidable reality of conflict in marriage. No matter how much you try to choose your words carefully, fights will happen—so the real skill is in how you handle them.

Our longtime marriage counselor, Dr. Jonathan Cude, once told us that both divorcing couples and healthy couples fight the same amount. The difference? What they say in those heated moments.

You can’t control your partner’s words, but you can control how you respond. So what do you do when you feel criticized? How do you break out of the criticism / defensiveness cycle before it wrecks your connection?

Join us as we share what we’ve learned, how our fights have evolved, and why conflict doesn’t have to be a relationship killer.

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What do you do after you crash & burn from burnout? 

I was talking with a girlfriend the other morning over coffee and we realized it’s not “have you experienced burnout” it’s “what did it look like?”

When I look back at the time I've run into that issue I can point back to being either hurt, depleted of energy, giving more than I really had to give OR I’m giving something my all and things don’t seem to be successful and I become apathetic, jaded, exhausted...

So it’s not only a question of "how did I get here?"

It’s also a question of "how do I get out of it? And how can I avoid this again in the future?"

My guest for this episode was the author of a book that spurred on these questions for me as I read it alongside my mom book club recently. Debra Fileta wrote “Soul Care” and it’s about finding life-giving rhythms, live restored, avoiding burnout and discovering unspeakable joy. 

Some of my favorite quotes from the book...

“Burnout is the body’s way of crying out for us to pay attention. It’s the SOS signal from our nervous system telling us to stop and care for ourselves. But rather than see the signs of burnout as a signal to stop and fill up, so many people do the exact opposite - they try to push through”

“Whether we’re self-absorbed or self-neglecting, we will end up becoming the center of our own worlds.”

“When you’re drained, empty and depleted what do you run to? Most often our method is the thing we do as quickly as possible with whatever is available around us...But let me assure you that is the exact opposite of soul care, because soul care is intentional and thought out” 

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How Accurate Is A Mother’s Intuition?

A mother's intuition is a deep, often instinctual sense of knowing that many mothers feel when it comes to their children. It can be hard to explain or measure, but it's widely acknowledged by many moms as a guiding force in decision-making, nurturing, and protecting their kids. 

Most of us parents can recall a moment when we had a strong gut feeling about our child - how can we dive deeper into that and harness it?

I bring in a fellow podcaster Kanika Chadda Gupta (who inspired the title episode of this episode as she is the host of the show “That’s Total Mom Sense”) and we chat a bit more about the questions that come up as we are learning to wield this unique power. 

How do you balance listening to your intuition with external advice or guidance from others (doctors, friends, family)?

But, also I really am trying to parse through how do you differentiate between intuition and anxiety or fear or some type of triggering from your own wounding? 

We each share some of our own experiences with this and then stay tuned as we finish our convo as there is some special added bonus content at the end!

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In this episode of the Haven! podcast book club, I sit down with author Erwin Raphael McManus to dive into his latest book, The 7 Frequencies of Communication, and explore how these frequencies show up in our everyday lives.

Are you a Maven, a Seer, a Commander, a Professor, a Healer, a Challenger, or a Motivator? Discovering your unique frequency can unlock your potential and transform how you connect with others.

Erwin graciously joined us for a live Q&A with my listeners, where we tackled real-life applications of these frequencies. The conversation began as my own personal therapy session (imagine a Commander married to a Maven—opposites definitely attract!) and unfolded into a rich discussion on self-talk, parenting, conflict resolution, and navigating contrasting perspectives.

Whether you’re new to this concept or already curious about communication styles, this episode is for anyone who wants to be heard, understood, and impactful in how they relate to the world around them.

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Sister relationships can be very... tricky

Like, I would give my sister my kidney but not my phone charger - what is that??

I was recently watching the Netflix Series "Nobody Wants This" and I thought it portrayed the complicated relationship with both humor and warmth. One scene that grabbed me was where the protagonist (played by Kristen Bell) is at a dinner party and it comes up in conversation that she has a sister.

She then is asked the #1 follow-up question every sister gets in that scenario "Oh, are you two close?"

Her response was the best answer I've heard yet which was "Oh yeah, she's my best friend and my worst enemy" which to me summarizes the dynamics perfectly.

This episode is immediately following a previous one titled "How to brainwash your kids into being best friends" so I thought it would be the perfect dove-tail to bring in my OWN sister, Clancy, and we chat more about the complex world of sisterhood.

If you have a sister, I hope you find our discussion both humorous and warm - if you do NOT have a sister, take this opportunity to have a peak into the convoluted world of SISTERS!

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Brainwashing Your Kids Into Being Best Friends?

Growing up my brother, sister & I had some knock-down drag-out gnarly flights… so now that I have two little ones I am verrrrry interested in how to mitigate that ahead of time. 

It seems sibling rivalry is not only normalized but it’s perceived as inevitable and beyond evolutionary control. 

Most advice out there isn’t really even on how to navigate it while they’re children but primarily hoping “when you get older you’ll grow out of it and end up being best friends, just wait!”

But what about those 20+ years in-between when they seem to be at each other’s throats??

I brought in someone who is an expert on this subject in my eyes - I have seen my cousins play together, stick up for one another, and truly call each other their best friends - so when I asked my aunt @mariacoleman “how did you do that??” a few years ago I was shocked by her answer…

“Oh, I brainwashed them into loving each other”

😏

Tune into the episode to hear what she means by that.

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Preschool Moms...I have done a few episodes on this topic as it’s my current phase of life having a 3yr old and a 5yr old!

Previously in this series I've talked with friends about how to connect with other parents which can be tricky with kids crawling all over us and interrupting every few sentences. Plus even meeting people can be hard as the quick hallway passing makes it hard focus. Yet, we typically are all on the birthday circuit seeing one another at 8 different fall birthday parties. We also discussed the dilemma of whether or not we should be putting our kids’ faces online without their consent and the lasting impacts of that still being a bit uncertain.

As we were even getting in the discussions I got the well deserved critique of “why is it preschool moms when dads are involved now too?” Hello. How sexist of me!

SO I wanted to bring in someone I know is a very hands on and involved dad to talk a bit about what it's like for our counterparts when it comes to this unique window of parenthood.

Welcome Andres Figueroa as we talk about his POV as a dad to two kids under the age of 4.

We chat about the unique role of dads in a kids' life and how important it can be.

In this phase of life my husband and I are also constantly sending parenting memes to each other so Andres & I pull up a few popular ones and discuss what makes them resonate so deeply with us.

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We’ve all been there… 

Someone comes up and says “Oh my gosh, I love your pants, they’re so cute!”

Then we all the sudden feel awkward. 

Sometimes we’ll say something like “Ah! Thanks yes I got them on sale only $10!” Or maybe along the lines of “These pants? Thanks just trying to distract from how I haven’t had a pedicure in 3 months.”

Or we say anything except a plain “Thank you.” 

I realized this a few months back when in a group setting and this topic came up - we went around the room and each answered “what do you do or how do you feel when someone gives you a compliment?” - most everyone admitted to feeling super weird and not knowing what to do next.

But why is that???

Are we afraid to take in the compliment and become conceited? 

Or do we actually not believe what they’re saying?

Perhaps it’s because we don’t trust the person saying it?

I wanted to dive a bit more into why compliments seem to make most of us cringe SO I asked one of my friends who was in that group (👋🏻 Robbie Aholoka) to come join me on the pod to talk about it more!

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Bringing back a crowd favorite to the pod… my mom @lisawhelchel!

She & I debated back and forth about what topic should we cover together and when we couldn’t land on one we chose to let the fates decide!

I threw up a question box on my Instagram Q&A and you guys delivered with some fascinating prompts

Ya lobbed a few easy ones like ”who was your first celebrity crush?” and

“what quality do you admire most in another individual”

Sprinkling in some medium-spicy - “If you had a warning label what would it say?” and “what is the sound that drives you crazy?”

Then turning on the heat with a few like asking “am I the black sheep of the family?” and talking about an activity/experience we have shared as adults that would have sounded impossible to me as a kid.

Tune in to the full episode to hear our responses. 

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It’s your favorite…. An Aaron! Takeover

What does it mean to “live the dream”? Most people might say…

💰 Financial security 

💼 Career Fulfillment

⛳️ Freedom

🏥 Health

🏆 Personal Accomplishments

☮️ Contentment

Dreams create hope

And hope leads us to the future

I think being able to dream together is one of the most important things we can do

But not just dreaming… we need to act on them

Together we discuss as a couple…

But my favorite one he asked…

“What dream are we living right now?”

I always love it when @aaronweits is the guest as we just follow his train of thought - and let’s just say he takes it all over the place, haha

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