I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything quite as life-changing as having kids. It’s the kind of shift you can’t fully prepare for—yet somehow, we expect ourselves to know exactly what to do.

In this episode, Aaron joins me as we talk about what we wish someone had told us before we became parents. From the shock of being sent home with a newborn (and a mom in diapers!) to the way everything shifts every three months, we’re diving into the raw, unexpected realities of parenthood.

We’re talking about:

🍼 Why having kids in the 21st century feels like a luxury

🧠 The mental load of parenting and how it affects the way you show up for your kids

⚖️ The duality of loving parenthood while also missing who you were before

Plus, listener submissions on what they wish they had known—because honestly, why did no one tell us this before we got pregnant?!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are so many things you can’t fully understand about marriage until you’re in it. Like how some seasons will feel 10/90 instead of 50/50. Or how your spouse will do things completely differently than you—and that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Or that even though you live together, you still need date nights outside the house.

In this episode, Aaron joins me as we dive into the things we wish someone had told us before we got married. We’re talking about everything from navigating different family dynamics (shoutout to my introverted husband skipping family functions) to realizing that yes, your spouse might give you the ick sometimes—but also, how incredible it is to have someone in your corner.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For a long time, marriage counseling was seen as a last-ditch effort—something couples did when they were already on the brink of divorce. While that stigma has lessened, many couples still wait way too long before seeking help—statistically, an average of seven years after problems first begin.

In this episode, Aaron and I get real about our own journey with marriage counseling and introduce you to someone who’s been instrumental in our growth: Dr. Jonathan Cude, our longtime marriage counselor. We sit down with Dr. Cude to talk about why he got into counseling, what struggles he sees couples facing most often, and what advice he has for those looking to build a strong foundation in their relationship.

We also share the heart behind Pillow Talk, our new e-course designed to help couples navigate conflict and cultivate a thriving marriage. Neither of us had a lot of healthy, long-lasting marriages to look to for guidance, so we wanted to create something that combines our personal experience with expert insight. If counseling feels out of reach or intimidating, Pillow Talk offers another way to access practical tools and wisdom to strengthen your relationship.

Join us for this honest and insightful conversation about what it really takes to build a marriage that not only lasts—but is actually fulfilling 20+ years down the road.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi, I’m Haven.

For as long as I can remember I’ve had thoughts, ideas and questions inside of me that I love to talk about with friends and, usually over a tasty vanilla oat latte, together we pull the thread of those curiosities to explore them in a safe context.

But I now have a more demanding job, I’m a mom to two little kids, I still want to have some semblance of a social life and oh yeah nurture my 10+ year marriage. 

…I wanted to carve out a space to allow myself to express that again and make it a priority. 

So…I did just that. 

Haven!, my new podcast, will be a safe space for curiosity.

We’ll explore trains of thought to see where they lead us for no other reason than because we want to. 

I think we’ll find we are considering or worrying about or contemplating the same things at the same time as other people are too.  

I don’t claim to have the answers and we probably won’t find solutions. But I really do believe the questions are actually where the power is.

I’m here to be curious. And to talk about it. I hope you’ll join me. 

--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/haven-the-podcast/support

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Season 3!!!!!

This new season is all about relationships. I took a poll a few months ago asking why you're listening to this podcast and the topics that rose to the top were marriage, parenting, & friendships.

So with as our first topic... let’s get into some conflict.

What’s your favorite fight you’ve ever had?

How do you win an argument?

What happens in your body during an argument?

And the real question—what’s the best part of a fight?

In this episode, my husband Aaron and I dive deep into the messy, unavoidable reality of conflict in marriage. No matter how much you try to choose your words carefully, fights will happen—so the real skill is in how you handle them.

Our longtime marriage counselor, Dr. Jonathan Cude, once told us that both divorcing couples and healthy couples fight the same amount. The difference? What they say in those heated moments.

You can’t control your partner’s words, but you can control how you respond. So what do you do when you feel criticized? How do you break out of the criticism / defensiveness cycle before it wrecks your connection?

Join us as we share what we’ve learned, how our fights have evolved, and why conflict doesn’t have to be a relationship killer.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you do after you crash & burn from burnout? 

I was talking with a girlfriend the other morning over coffee and we realized it’s not “have you experienced burnout” it’s “what did it look like?”

When I look back at the time I've run into that issue I can point back to being either hurt, depleted of energy, giving more than I really had to give OR I’m giving something my all and things don’t seem to be successful and I become apathetic, jaded, exhausted...

So it’s not only a question of "how did I get here?"

It’s also a question of "how do I get out of it? And how can I avoid this again in the future?"

My guest for this episode was the author of a book that spurred on these questions for me as I read it alongside my mom book club recently. Debra Fileta wrote “Soul Care” and it’s about finding life-giving rhythms, live restored, avoiding burnout and discovering unspeakable joy. 

Some of my favorite quotes from the book...

“Burnout is the body’s way of crying out for us to pay attention. It’s the SOS signal from our nervous system telling us to stop and care for ourselves. But rather than see the signs of burnout as a signal to stop and fill up, so many people do the exact opposite - they try to push through”

“Whether we’re self-absorbed or self-neglecting, we will end up becoming the center of our own worlds.”

“When you’re drained, empty and depleted what do you run to? Most often our method is the thing we do as quickly as possible with whatever is available around us...But let me assure you that is the exact opposite of soul care, because soul care is intentional and thought out” 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How Accurate Is A Mother’s Intuition?

A mother's intuition is a deep, often instinctual sense of knowing that many mothers feel when it comes to their children. It can be hard to explain or measure, but it's widely acknowledged by many moms as a guiding force in decision-making, nurturing, and protecting their kids. 

Most of us parents can recall a moment when we had a strong gut feeling about our child - how can we dive deeper into that and harness it?

I bring in a fellow podcaster Kanika Chadda Gupta (who inspired the title episode of this episode as she is the host of the show “That’s Total Mom Sense”) and we chat a bit more about the questions that come up as we are learning to wield this unique power. 

How do you balance listening to your intuition with external advice or guidance from others (doctors, friends, family)?

But, also I really am trying to parse through how do you differentiate between intuition and anxiety or fear or some type of triggering from your own wounding? 

We each share some of our own experiences with this and then stay tuned as we finish our convo as there is some special added bonus content at the end!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of the Haven! podcast book club, I sit down with author Erwin Raphael McManus to dive into his latest book, The 7 Frequencies of Communication, and explore how these frequencies show up in our everyday lives.

Are you a Maven, a Seer, a Commander, a Professor, a Healer, a Challenger, or a Motivator? Discovering your unique frequency can unlock your potential and transform how you connect with others.

Erwin graciously joined us for a live Q&A with my listeners, where we tackled real-life applications of these frequencies. The conversation began as my own personal therapy session (imagine a Commander married to a Maven—opposites definitely attract!) and unfolded into a rich discussion on self-talk, parenting, conflict resolution, and navigating contrasting perspectives.

Whether you’re new to this concept or already curious about communication styles, this episode is for anyone who wants to be heard, understood, and impactful in how they relate to the world around them.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sister relationships can be very... tricky

Like, I would give my sister my kidney but not my phone charger - what is that??

I was recently watching the Netflix Series "Nobody Wants This" and I thought it portrayed the complicated relationship with both humor and warmth. One scene that grabbed me was where the protagonist (played by Kristen Bell) is at a dinner party and it comes up in conversation that she has a sister.

She then is asked the #1 follow-up question every sister gets in that scenario "Oh, are you two close?"

Her response was the best answer I've heard yet which was "Oh yeah, she's my best friend and my worst enemy" which to me summarizes the dynamics perfectly.

This episode is immediately following a previous one titled "How to brainwash your kids into being best friends" so I thought it would be the perfect dove-tail to bring in my OWN sister, Clancy, and we chat more about the complex world of sisterhood.

If you have a sister, I hope you find our discussion both humorous and warm - if you do NOT have a sister, take this opportunity to have a peak into the convoluted world of SISTERS!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Brainwashing Your Kids Into Being Best Friends?

Growing up my brother, sister & I had some knock-down drag-out gnarly flights… so now that I have two little ones I am verrrrry interested in how to mitigate that ahead of time. 

It seems sibling rivalry is not only normalized but it’s perceived as inevitable and beyond evolutionary control. 

Most advice out there isn’t really even on how to navigate it while they’re children but primarily hoping “when you get older you’ll grow out of it and end up being best friends, just wait!”

But what about those 20+ years in-between when they seem to be at each other’s throats??

I brought in someone who is an expert on this subject in my eyes - I have seen my cousins play together, stick up for one another, and truly call each other their best friends - so when I asked my aunt @mariacoleman “how did you do that??” a few years ago I was shocked by her answer…

“Oh, I brainwashed them into loving each other”

😏

Tune into the episode to hear what she means by that.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices