All hail John Fetterman, Fashion Scourge! In which we learn a new phrase: "grabbing the hog." J6 terrorist's paranoia pegs the needle. Christian sex trafficking "advocate" caught on video groping a young girl's breasts . . . for Jesus, of course. Racist MAGAT org sues West Point. Texas school fires teacher for reading "The Diary of Anne Frank" to 8th graders. Is Loren Boebert coming to Ravenswood, WV?

Is it just cheap, tawdry bad behavior, or is Loren Boebert actually the sum total and entirety of the MAGAT Party? I feel confident that it's the latter. Julius Geezer claims he's leading Barack Obama in the polls. He's well on the way to setting up his incompetence defense at trial. The Marines (who don't have a Commandant) would like it if someone could tell them what happened to their F-35, please.

Labor learns to flex its muscles again. Jack Smith seeks to fit Tangerine Tiberius with a narrow gag. Lee heads for the northeast. Your 'umble 'ostess has a new name (but Robyn's still fine, too). Leon Skum needs deporting and not because he humiliated his partner (because he's Leon Skum, after all). Roger delivers a master class on canned food safety. SD's Kristi Noem turns out to be, in the words of Rick James, "a very kinky girl" (with a "christian fambly valyooz hubby I hope cleans her clock in court; that, or he's as kinky as she, in which case . . . oh, Jerry Falwell, Jr!)

Julius Geezer won't go to trial in October . . . dammit. Michael Cohen has a laugh at the expense of Counsel For the Parking Garage. a horrifying new piece of investigative journalism from ProPublica. And it's not even about a crooked SCOTUS justice. Go figure. Is Bishop Willard really a hero?

What's in a cellphone? That ain't a technical question? MAGATs get it wrong. Y'all, I don't do a lot of deliberate conversations. Tonight: an interview. Aly and I had a conversation for the ages.

"Impeachment Inquiries! Gitcher impeachment inquiries here," bleated Kevvers McCarthy, hoping to protect his fragile manhood, er, Speakership, from the clutches of Marge the Merciless. WTF even is an "impeachment inquiry." Turns out, it's not a thing. And the Big Giant Forehead, having just founded himself outside the circus Egress, is MAD! We get a COVID update from our friend and adviser, Paul From Parts Unknown. Take his wise words to heart.

Morans can't help but say moran things every September 11th. It's as predictable as the phases of the moon. MAGATS are getting nasty in Virginia (what a surprise) and it touches a black man and a woman who's unashamed of her sexuality. Because of course. Marge calls for secession. We re-visit the 14th Amendment.

Happy Star Trek Day! Happy Mark Meadows Loses Day! Julius Geezer's gonna (not) just LOVVVVE that! Not-So-Happy Sammy BadBreath is still dirty day. Happy weekend!

Brain Drain is real and it's a scourge to MAGAT states, a self-inflicted wound. Peter Navarro whines on after a jury tried and true convicts him. Poor baby! Enrique Tarrio's mama (not exactly mother of the year timber) bawls about her awful offspring's sentence. Another threat of violence from another MAGAT if Nitwit Nero isn't on the ballot. It always Gaetz worse. Ahead of the curve: the MSNBC Morning Zoo Crew finally catches up. And Sammy BadBreath is still crooked as a dog's hind leg.

How is it that two tiny days have such a lengthy feel about them? I'm back. I needed those two days. Learning self-care and when not to put yourself in a ditch is more important than many know. Pay attention and give yourself grace.

Just the same, time waits for no woman, and there was an abundance of mean and stupid and downright (Christian, naturally) evil to address. "If t'were done, t'were best done quickly."