Healing the Unresolved

Anxiety is often perceived very negatively. This negative perception of anxiety often aggravates it and makes us feel even more of it. Our Anxiety is simply trying to alert us to the perception of danger. However, in the end, it will listen to us, and is very flexible in the face of new perceptions.

Father Alexander Schmemann often talked and wrote about the benefits of our faith based worldview, which we receive upon baptism. Our faith-based worldview is to help us navigate our life in this world; to help us make sense of experiences, answer life’s questions, and navigate life stages. However, unresolved past experiences have the ability to block our faith-based worldview, as it causes us to respond to the past, rather than the present. In a future episode, we'll dive deeper into what the investigative process looks like to help us discover how we can more fully live out our faith.

Some strained sibling relationships may indeed just be due to difficult personalities or differences in beliefs. However, very often the real cause is hidden hurts and resentments related to the family of origin. These hurts may be related to roles played, differences in perceptions of treatment, and overall lack of closure. When past pain surfaces in sibling relationships it often masks itself by being displaced on trivial issues in the present that result in years of not communicating or a sibling relationship that was never close. Choosing to let them work it out while hoping for the best or lending them a helping hand by venturing back into the family of origin experiences, is a personal decision.

In this episode, the answer is discussed as to why we tend to feel more comfortable and able to express anger and happiness, but not other emotions. It is the emotional space between anger and happiness that holds our anxiety, fear, grief, sadness, and loss. Our society has deemed these areas to be forbidden territory. However, for those doing the healing work and seeking spiritual growth, it is the land of opportunity. It is in this space that we find depth of heart, courage, perception, and humility. It is in that emotional space that we truly become alive and truly human.

Very often, when doing the healing work, we forget that even though we have had negative and uncomfortable emotions tied to past painful experiences, we are still going to have normal negative feelings related to every day life stressors and changes. Without realizing it, we can associate negative emotion only with the past. And then when negative emotions do occur from the present, we feel like something is wrong or we must’ve missed something in our healing work. The healing work does not mean we will never feel uncomfortable again. It means that we can feel uncomfortable again, without being threatened by it, and allow ourselves those emotions and tolerate them.

This podcast centers around the question as to whether there are any movies that can be helpful in the healing process. Typically movies that resonate are helpful for us. This is because when we witness our pain or lack of closure in someone else’s story, it’s not as threatening, and so is able to get past our defenses and bring out emotion that previously had been held back. These moments can help us leapfrog in our healing work and be used to our advantage.

Today’s discussion involves a question in which the submitter of the question had a series of painful parish experiences that led to them feeling abandoned. It is always a difficult decision to decide whether to stay or move onto a different parish community. However, before we decide, we can explore and answer certain questions that will ensure we make a good decision and that will enhance our spiritual growth significantly.

This podcast episode answers two submitted questions, both involving forgiveness on some level. Whether it’s that we have to forgive ourselves, or making sure we truly have forgiven the other, God wants us to let go of our past weaknesses and focus on the present. He also wants our forgiveness to be real, and not just a result of denying reality and protecting ourselves from painful emotions.

An anniversary reaction or effect is very common and affects most people at one time or another, and some are affected throughout their lives. The anniversary of a loss or painful event can be a challenging experience for many. Knowing what they are, being prepared for them, leaning into them, and using them to our advantage, can help make them tolerable, and even put them to rest.

This episode discusses healthy ways to share our painful or traumatic experiences. It is also covers the importance of safety and how to rediscover safety in a health way after losing it in the aftermath of a painful or traumatic experience. Finally, the issue of trauma bonding is discussed. This occurs when we see the abuser as innocent or in an elevated way, while not giving ourselves the validation and empathy we need as the victim.