In this episode, Ryan and Heidi share a raw and real story about a struggle they had in their marriage and how they had both unconsciously been sabotaging their relationship. They uncover how to know when you are sabotaging or "upper limiting" yourself in your marriage, career, business, or any other area of life and what you can do to begin to change your self-concept and core beliefs. 

Connect with us:

Website: CompeteHeartFirst.com

Follow Us on IG: @mentalstrengthcoach

Ryan and Heidi discuss the practice of "I SEE YOU" and what it can look like to no longer attach to the thoughts and stories that hold us back from fulfilling our true potential or having the relationships and experience of life we truly desire. Being able to see others through new eyes in each moment is a POWERFUL practice that can transform every single relationship in your life. 

• When we pause and become more present with ourselves and those around us, we can open the door to new levels of connection
• Suppressing, repressing, and denying these aspects of our experience actually strengthens the energy behind them
• When we are able to bring out attention, allowance, and acceptance of our own perceived limitations of inner critical self-talk, we begin to dissolve the power behind it
• Noticing the narratives our thoughts that are running in our head and without resistance, we can just become aware and say "I see you"
• When you begin to let go of those separate parts it's like cleaning the windshield- You can now see more of what is true instead of constantly being stuck in the stories and narratives
• At our core, as human beings, we all want desperately to be SEEN
• We must stop holding others to our view of them based on how they showed up as in the past
• If you are unwilling to truly SEE yourself you are denying yourself the most important human need, belonging 
• When you can belong to yourself it will change the game in every area of your life
• Do you want to experience more love? Make yourself easier to love by loving yourself first
• As we begin to liberate energy by letting go of the separate self-- we begin to find our true capacity for connection and love

Connect with us:

Website: CompeteHeartFirst.com

Follow Us on IG: @mentalstrengthcoach

Ryan and Heidi discuss the importance of us as parents being able to use the tools of co-regulation and objective noticing to teach self-regulation to our children. 

• We all what our children to have a competitive edge in life- to be emotionally intelligent, resilient, and confident about taking on any challenge in life
• In the US culture, we have noticed how many men are raised to suppress their emotions as they are growing up
• Downplaying our children's physical sensations that are leading to big emotions teaches our kids to question, ignore, and mistrust their own internal experience 
• Diminishing the signal of pain teaches our children that they are bad or wrong for feeling
• The goal is to allow ourselves to feel fully in one moment and to let go in the next
• The old model vs. the new model of parenting a child through their own discomfort
• What is co-regulation? Co-regulation involves one person staying present for another through a challenging experience such that the stressed individual experiences greater self-awareness
• How to practice the 3 A's: Attention, Acceptance, Allowance
• Using objective noticing to help our children identify the sensations they are experiencing without the "thought story they may want to attach to the experience 

Connect with us:

Website: CompeteHeartFirst.com

Follow Us on IG: @mentalstrengthcoach

Ryan and Heidi discuss several concepts related to experiencing and overcoming resistance that comes with growth and change. 

• Ryan shares about his experience attending the Unbeatable Mind Experience with their 9-year-old son. 
• Experiencing a dip after a big highlight or high in life is completely normal and part of the growth process 
• The feeling of loss we can have when making changes in life is directly related to the death of the "old self" in the form of thought patterns, beliefs, and outdated habits
• Putting resistance on a rubber band can stretch it to the point where there is a snap back which can be related to the dip we feel after a growth spurt 
• The "crab theory" and you can relate it to your internal domain 
• Stepping into the unknown with the expectation of resistance 

Connect with us:

Website: CompeteHeartFirst.com

Follow Us on IG: @mentalstrengthcoach

Ryan and Heidi discuss how self-development can often be associated with feeling selfish as parents and how when we work on ourselves in service to others we can make a greater impact on our kids, teams, and communities.  

Key points: 

• Working on yourself is the most impactful way you can help your kids and those you lead is working on yourself. 
• Ryan shares how there was a time in his life when he didn't understand the need for self-development
• We live in an instant gratification world that doesn't always align with developing ourselves
• The only way to be selfless- is to first be selfish- otherwise, you are pouring from an empty cup
• Cleaning the windshield is a great place to start- this takes recognizing what we don't want and what the end result is if we choose not to take personal responsibility
• Examine the  ways you may be getting instant gratification or avoiding/ buffering and ask yourself if those behaviors or habits really serve you
• "Start making change a habit"- begin to change things and get used to the feeling of change- lean into the resistance 

Connect with Ryan & Heidi:

Website: www.ihpcoaching.com

IG: @integrated.mindset

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/integratedmindset

 Grab Ryan’s book Choice Point

Connect with us:

Website: CompeteHeartFirst.com

Follow Us on IG: @mentalstrengthcoach

Ryan and Heidi join special guest Stefanie Faye of the Mindset Neuroscience Podcast to discuss the natural learning process for humans and what that means for us as parents and caretakers. 

Key points: 

• Stefanie shares how she became interested in neuroscience and her deep desire to understand human behavior 
• What is self-directed neuroplasticity? 
• Parents and primary caregivers make the greatest impact on the life of a child 
• A human's primary objective in learning is to survive which means we must be as adaptable as possible
• The human learning process is what sets us apart from other species
• When we're born we don't have much mastery of our environment but we grow and learn based on feedback from those around us which is mostly non-verbal through signals like facial muscle movement, pupil dilation, etc.
• The first things we learn about our environment come from very subtle signals (based on internal state changes) from our caretakers or parents- this teaches us how we should respond to the environment (stressful or relaxed)
• Repetitive data comes from seeing our parents react to outside stimuli to help us decide what is safe or unsafe and what we should potentially avoid
• We can train our responses by intentionally exposing ourselves to physiological discomfort such as ice baths, workouts, etc. 
• The power of "Don't tell them, show them" is that kids need sensory motor stimulation to learn by seeing and not just being verbally told

About Stefanie: 

Stefanie is a former researcher and has spent parts of her career measuring electric conductance of the skin (GSR), facial electromyography (EMG), and heart rate.

She currently works with quantitative electroencephalography (QEEG), rhythmic sinus arrhythmia (heart rate variability), neurofeedback, and transcranial magnetic stimulation for clinical treatment at an intensive outpatient mental health clinic.

Her graduate research at New York University and fieldwork at the NYU Phelps lab for Neuroscience Research, the NYU Institute for Prevention Science, and Yeshiva University's Albert Einstein College of Medicine focused on the cross-section of self-directed neuroplasticity, family emotional climates, and empathy.

For the past decade, She has been teaching and consulting in countries all over the world by combining scientific insights and her training in monasteries with meditation masters from India, Africa, and Vietnam.

She is the host of the Mindset Neuroscience Podcast and currently works as a neurotechnology facilitator and coach.

Connect with Stefanie:

Website: www.stefaniefaye.com

Connect with us:

Website: CompeteHeartFirst.com

Follow Us on IG: @mentalstrengthcoach

In this episode, Ryan and Heidi explore the concept of both the victim and creator orientations from David Emerald's book The Power of TED (The Empowerment Dynamic). 

Key Points Discussed: 

• Ryan shares about a time he recognized he was in a victim mindset
• Learn about the three roles within each of the orientations (Victim or Creator) and how to know where you are on the scale at any given moment 
• The Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT): Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer
• The Empowerment Dynamic (TED): Creator, Challenger, and Coach

Connect with us:

Website: CompeteHeartFirst.com

Follow Us on IG: @mentalstrengthcoach

In this episode, we have a candid conversation about something that has been coming up a lot lately as a question from people signing up for our Integrated Performance For Leaders Program and who want their partners to get on board and join them in doing personal development work. 

We discuss: 

• When we experience the unfolding of new perspectives and growth within ourselves, we naturally want to bring those we care about along. 
• You can't expect your partner's journey to look like yours. We are all individuals and need to have our own reasons and ways of learning and growing. 
• We share our own experiences being in different places and commitment levels toward our own growth throughout our marriage.
• Some ways that you can begin to express yourself and your desires without feeling like you're judging, blaming, or trying to rescue the other person. 

Connect with us:

Website: CompeteHeartFirst.com

Follow Us on IG: @mentalstrengthcoach

This week we visited with Ryan's cousin John Wood a father and Chiropractor about how he has continued to give life his all even after losing his youngest son Seth to cancer. John is an inspiration to us and we know you'll find value in what he has to share in this conversation. 

We discuss: 

• John shares how he works with patients in his chiropractic practice to help them reset and balance their nervous systems.
• About 6 years ago John's son Seth developed a terrible headache which was later discovered to be caused by a brain tumor. 
• After losing Seth, John took to the hiking trails as a way to process his grief and ultimately ended up climbing Mt. Rainier several times along with his son Tristen. 
• Ways you can support someone who is grieving or facing loss. 

Connect with us:

Website: CompeteHeartFirst.com

Follow Us on IG: @mentalstrengthcoach

We all have days when we just can't muster up the motivation to stay on track with our goals. Let's face it, you're not going to feel like doing the daily steps to pursue your goals every single day. In this episode, Ryan and Heidi discuss what it's looked like in their own journeys to just "go as far as you can see" and how you can keep up the momentum toward your larger vision. 

Key points discussed:

• Perfectionism holds you back from achieving because when you are caught in that place it will never be "good enough"
• Successful people take risks and push themselves. They are willing to take that leap without knowing all the answers because they know that nothing will ever come to them without taking action and stepping outside of their comfort zone.
• Whether you're a parent, leader, business owner, or even moving through something that feels dark and difficult right now, there will be days where you feel that "fire" and other days where it's just hard to get out of bed
• We've got to get good at living within the "6 inches in front of our face" taking micro steps toward getting just one percent better each day
• The importance of being realistic about your capacity and energy levels from day to day as you adjust and don't quit
• Having eagle vision and taking mouse steps...
• The value of mentorship
• Accepting Awareness: Being willing to accept where you currently stand and letting it help you move toward what you want next

Connect with us:

Website: CompeteHeartFirst.com

Follow Us on IG: @mentalstrengthcoach