Welcome back everyone, and we hope you had a good Easter. Or Passover. Or whatever you did. JackJohn just grilled I think. And that's good. Unfortunately for him, I've decided to declare this an Eastern Orthodox Catholic podcast, and we've banished him for being disrespectful to our lord and savior Christ, who was sacrificed 2000 years ago so that we can be allowed to be unhappy and follow a strict set of rules. Come to think of it, isn't the whole "Jesus died for our sins" bit kinda cheapened by the fact that he just came right back? I mean, wouldn't it be more impactful if he was just gone forever? How about someone who died permanently, like Paul Walker? Getting hung up on a cross like that probably hurt pretty bad though, I'll give him that. Anyway, who am I to say what's what, I'm just some guy who smoked some marijuana about 20 minutes ago. This week, we have quite the raucous episode. In the opening segment, we discuss the events of Easter weekend and Alex's possum situation, then read a tremendous e-mail rant from our friend John Fleming. For our Guys this week, we have an Old West outlaw even scarier than the usual standards, a story of a wedding gone awry in the most sitcom-ish way possible, and an everyman who lived out his lifelong dream which just so happened to involve a lawn chair and some balloons.

Boone Helm- 21:33

Tale of the Missing Wedding Dress- 53:33

Lawnchair Larry Walters- 1:09:50

It's been a crazy week. Cody and JackJohn have been up to some fun shenanigans. Alex's craziest moments came at work and therefore relate to the carceral system, which is less fun to think about. Just the other day, we had 120 tornadoes in a single day. Isn't that wild? And I didn't even get to see any of them. I've been obsessed with tornadoes my whole life and I've never actually gotten to see one. But then again, that is technically a good thing. It is potentially hazardous to one's health to be in close proximity to a tornado. Yet, all I want is to just see one in person one time. What a sick, strange type of existential quagmire. The show is enjoyable this week at least. To top things off, the guys discuss Wrestlemania, donkey basketball, after-prom, energy drinks, Chicago, March HaGness, and the merits of driving two hours to buy a gimmick drink for a bachelor party. Then it's 3 more tales of guys, featuring a mysterious legless man who washed ashore in Nova Scotia, a guy who like carrots way too much, and the true story behind one of America's oldest mysteries.

Jerome of Sandy Cove- 35:55

Basil Brown- 1:03:20

Virginia Dare- 1:28:58

When doing a podcast, it's your obligation to the audience to every now and then do an episode that's just completely bonkers. Here at Here's a Guy, we felt that things had been getting (relatively- and I emphasize that word strongly) far too normal on this show. Well, this week should change that. This week, we've got thrills. We've got chills. We've got...JackJohn giving his computer a hundred viruses looking up NSFW granny content (which, importantly, absolutely nobody told him he had to do). Things actually start off pretty normally, as we get a March HaGness update and the guys answer a listener email about the cartoon episodes that stuck with them from childhood. Then, it's three kooky stories, featuring a high school teacher conducting a disturbingly effective social experiment, a Lithuanian engineer's design for a rather unique roller coaster, and a British grandmother with a side hustle that sparked a great deal of controversy- and ruined JackJohn's week. Strap in.

Ron Jones- 32:51

Julijonas Urbonas- 51:45

Sheila Vogel-Coepe- 1:18:58

Hello world, and welcome to another fun, fun episode of Here's a Guy. That's how I introduce each episode, including this one. Sort of a catchphrase, if you will. The goal was always to find a catchphrase. but rather than something clever or inventive, it wound up just being some thing I say to no consequence. Fitting for how we do things, admittedly. The charitable interpretation is to call it "charm." In any event, this a momentous week indeed, as JackJohn finally returns from paternity leave. He hasn't changed a bit, and you can assess that however you like. We start things off with a roundup of the chaos in our lives this week, from JackJohn's baby possibly being the kid from The Ring, to the vet breaking Cody's cat, to Alex blowing out his vocal chords and sounding just like Gonzo the Great for a day. Then it's 3 fun tales, including an Indian prisoner who was part of an unusual crime epidemic, a legendary Caribbean female pirate, and a legendary Chinese female pirate.

Ramu- 21:28

Anne Bonny- 45:35

Zheng Yi Sao- 1:10:50

It's starting to feel like Spring. It's chilly, but not in the same way that fall is chilly, you know? Like, it's not crisp. What air quality is that? Is it a physics thing? I don't know anything about anything. And that's why we do this podcast. It's Episode 68, so I now know 68 things. But also, it's rainy, and things look green. St. Patrick's Day is tomorrow. Here's a free viral tweet for anyone who wants it: It so figures that the holiday for white people doesn't come with a day off work. You can workshop the wording on that if need be, but the structure is there. Just be sure to promote the show in the tweet underneath. Preferably don't lead with one of the bad audio episodes. This week, our good friend John Fleming returns to the show, and this time, he has better audio because his dog isn't wilding out the entire time. First we discuss the St. Louis Battlehawks, ABBA, and which sports franchises are the most Guy. Then, it's 3 magnificent Guys, including the flamboyant immigrant saloon owner who started the proto-version of the Cardinals, the surprising truth behind the NHL's first Japanese player, and a long-overdue subject who may just, somehow, be the wackiest baseball player in history.

Chris von der Ahe- 39:09

Taro Tsujimoto- 1:19:36

Rube Waddell- 1:52:34

Well well well, lookie here. 67 episodes in and the guys finally decide to do something different. With multiple weeks off lately, Cody and Alex decide to treat you all with our first ever bonus episode! And we really hope you're happy. Listens had better be up on this, because we put ourselves through hell and then relived it for your amusement. If that doesn't make up for the crappy audio on a few episodes, I don't know what will. Let's start with the good news. March HaGness commences today on our podcast twitter account @HeresAGuyPod. Full brackets are over there, but we go through each matchup and give our analysis. It's a good time and makes us happy. Now, the bad news. We watched Gags the Clown. You may recall, this is the low-budget 2018 horror film that we discussed in Episode 63. The viral marketing for this film in 2016 accidentally kicked off a nationwide clown panic that resulted in dozens of people incarcerated and a teenager murdered. You can't fairly blame the makers of the movie for all of that. What you can fairly blame the makers of the movie for, however, is making this movie. This movie sucks, it's no good, and worse yet, manages to insult you over and over in countless ways. I don't want to say more on here because we go scene by scene and discuss in-depth everything wrong with this movie for roughly the same length of the movie itself. We are physically exhausted, but hopefully it's worth it to all of our beloved listeners. See you later this week.

March HaGness bracket breakdown- 2:52

Gags the Clown review: 37:06

Well everybody, we did it. We survived another winter. It's finally spring! Sort of anyway. Scientifically it's not. That won't happen for another however-many-weeks. And don't even get me started on the opinions of the loathsome groundhog. Here's the thing though- I don't subscribe to the "technical" "scientific" ideas of what the seasons are. That's all neoliberal bullshit. I go by months. December-February is winter. March-May is spring (with the caveat that if you're a student, summer begins when school gets out for summer break). It was also a lovely day outside, only adding to my theory. I mean, I spent all day in an office, then came home and recorded this show. It's ok though. I'm doing well mentally, and always have been. Something truly fun though is this episode, which was all but a guarantee since we're joined once again by our good pal Pookie! We start things off with a discussion about a number of topics, such as hockey, Catch Me If You Can, Star Wars, and talk radio. Then it's 3 terrific topics, including a freed slave who became a legend in the worlds of the Old West and mail delivery, another freed slave who became a legend in the world of whiskey-making, and a 17th century scholar who did a bunch of cool stuff and had a famous room full of neat items:

Stagecoach Mary Fields- 29:03

Nathan "Nearest" Green- 50:20

Ole Worm- 1:16:00

The audio is bad. But our friend Mitch, he's very good. Thankfully for you all, Mitch happens to be on the show this week. He does a great new podcast called The Hills are Silent. There, they talk about video games. Here, we talk about total lunatics and other misfortunes. This week, we have both- and how! And no, I'm not just talking about the crackling. I haven't been able to defeat this issue, but I'm swearing my vengeance on it. What do people do in these situations where they have a goal- hold themselves accountable? Alright, I'll give it a try. If I don't solve the crackling audio issue by the end of 2023, you are allowed to come to my house and kill me. This is in writing. Ah, accomplishment. In the meantime, we have 3 great stories this week (after an XL opening segment catching up with our friend Mitch, that is). First, a low-level politician who went farther to win elections than anyone I've ever seen, then an indie game designer whose career collapsed under the pressure of being a total asshole, and finally the poor woman who became history's spacegoat for a historically bad fire that wasn't actually her fault.

Byron (Low Tax) Looper- 40:21

Phil Fish- 1:11:15

Catherine O'Leary- 1:37:06

Ah, history. That thing with no important lessons for us to learn. Many topics have been the subject of history throughout history. In fact, I'd venture to guess that there is history of history. That's what the kids (middle-aged adults) call "meta." And that's fun. Maybe there's a history of things being meta! Terrific. Maybe this show will be part of history someday. Ordinarily, you'd think no, because we're not relevant whatsoever, but that's the magic of the internet: all our inane ramblings will still hang around out there forever. Is that what "the cloud" is? Speaking of history, this episode features a lot of it. First, we play a long-awaited game involving regional US foods. Then, it's 3 wacky tales from history, featuring a prince who became the world's foremost expert in poisons, a hilarious 19th century kook who had a notable encounter with a famous assassin among other misadventures, and a cruel, useless king whose hard-partying ways led to his downfall.

Mithridates VI- 35:39

Boston Corbett- 1:04:50

Safi of Persia- 1:31:42

Let's start with this: it is so cold out side. Terribly cold. As if the air is punishing you for some transgression. I just took my trash out and it hurt. My tolerance for this is running low. Sometimes I wonder about living in a warm climate. But where would I move? Florida? Texas? Arizona? Those places all have tremendous problems. For that matter, I hate moving. Realistically I have too much crap to transport via U-Haul. None of these things have anything to do with the episode, by the way. I just thought you'd want to hear my thoughts on that. Alright. We're back to full strength this week, and we begin by discussing what the heck JackJohn was doing last time instead of this show. We also discuss more college lore, with the time Alex and JackJohn took to a snowy campus in morph suits and nearly got beat up. After that it's a wild set of 3 guys, from a vaudeville legend who committed an all-time bag fumble, to a dog who fell off a balcony and caused an unthinkable chain reaction, to an aptly-named old-timey railroad worker who organized an unforgettable promotional event.

Ted Healy- 24:57

Cachi the Poodle- 50:50

William Crush- 1:09:11