Here's A Guy

Good morning, world. It's Halloween, the best day of the year for those of us with a certain type of personality (depressed, annoying). The story of Halloween is that for the first decade of your life, it's about getting candy, for the second decade it's about mischief, for the third decade it's about getting laid, and then after that it's kinda whatever you make of it. Eating candy and watching horror movies and getting laid are all still in play, it's just that you have free reign to balance those things as much as you'd like. Just be prepared to deal with the consequences of doing any of those things as an old person, many of which involve feeling like shit constantly. To be honest, at a certain point that's just going to happen anyway. Many of the treats of adult like are finding ways to go from feeling like shit to feeling like shit but festively.

Well hey, maybe this year part of your Halloween will involve checking out the Mayhem Month 2023 Finale! It'll also be just fine in November I suppose, don't let me tell you how to live your life. We start things off by discussing our newest Patreon movie review (check it out, it's a doozy) and playing a game of Here's a Guy trick-or-treating. Then it's three more mayhem-filled topics, featuring an incredibly brazen con artist, an Australian family's very upsetting vacation, and a man who made mayhem his entire ethos, much to the detriment of himself and everyone around him.

Victor Lustig- 31:22

Tromp Family- 58:02

Pazuzu Algarad- 1:16:37

Wow, what an episode this was. It's what I believe the kids these days call a banger. It bangs. A real bangarang. Maybe? I don't actually know what a bangarang is, to be honest. I just remember that Skrillex song from back in the day. God, that was annoying. Man, he fell off. He was one of the biggest musicians at the world at one point, genuinely. Skrillex! That little geek and all his beep-boop music. Dubstep did not hold up despite being such a big deal. I wonder if it'll end up being the rare trend that never gets a revival. I don't think it could make sense outside of the culture of the early 2010s, which was truly heinous all around. Those were the formative years of the lives of the hosts, and now they do this show. That's probably a coincidence though.

One of our craziest episodes yet, just in time for the thick of Mayhem Month. We start off with a discussion of October festivities, Goosebumps, and our dreaded upcoming movie review. Then, three mayhem-filled topics, including a shockingly dedicated sadomasochist, the pawn in history's strangest bank robbery, and a college football game that descended into pure carnage.

Egidius Schiffer- 29:45

Brian Wells- 50:31

2006 Miami/FIU Brawl- 1:27:25

One of the many reasons why October is the King of Months is the high quality of sports content. Right now I've got the Blues game on. Game just started and we already had a guy hit the post. I guess that's something to feel good about even though it was technically a failure. That's the magic of hockey for ya. That, and how great the names are. Maybe it just sticks out because we so rarely get exposure to Northern European names otherwise. They were just talking about how the Stars have a key injury tonight and the guy is named "Roope Hintz." Absolutely preposterous. Like, if you're from Finland, is that just what your neighbors are named? The world is a magical place.

This week, we lead things off with Alex taking 3 shots of tequila and trying to survive, plus a great listener prompt. Then, Mayhem Month continues with 3 terrifying topics, including a couple famous for their castration-related exploits, the shocking truth behind a mysterious unidentified German serial killer, and a scientist committed to turning adorable animals into ruthless war machines.

John and Lorena Bobbitt- 26:06

The Phantom of Heilbronn- 48:35

Boris Zhurid- 1:08:46

Mwahahaha! Everyone, Mayhem Month is back for 2023. That's right, a whole month of spooky topics, real life horrors, and shocking conversation (for reasons other than the usual). Now that I mention it, who was the first guy to do the evil mwahaha laugh? And to what end? Monsters seem to have a poor appreciation of the element of surprise. If you were a goblin or a Dracula, and you were trying to lure a victim to eat or drink the blood of or whatever it that those people do, making noises that chill everyone else to the bone would seem to harm your output. Just generally speaking, I don't walk around life assuming that any random character is about do something terrible to me that involves draining me of my life force or harvesting my organs, but if you have green skin or scales or a laugh that sounds like Vincent Price, then yeah, I may start walking in the other direction. The nerve of these people!

We start with a discussion of our October movie watch lists and what makes a good horror flick. Then it's the first 3 topics of our full month of blood-curdling chaos, featuring a man who fell in love with a corpse, a particularly brutal Viking's particularly brutal demise, and the purveyor of the most Gen-X circus of all time.

Carl Tanzler- 27:33

Sigurd the Mighty- 59:47

Jim Rose- 1:24:19

I'm struggling to come up with an episode description this week. I almost thought about not doing it. I thought, does anyone even notice these inane ramblings? I genuinely have no idea one way or the other. In fact, even I rarely revisit them, if that tells you anything. But the reality is, everyone needs an outlet to just open up their jaw and let a bunch of crap fall out. Otherwise, it's just stuck in your head. For example, sometimes I'll play a podcast episode while I'm in the shower but I barely pay attention because I'm fully caffeinated and run through all of my most boring little riffs of the day. There are probably several different concerning things to pick out of that sentence. You'd never do that with this show though, we're far too engaging.

This week we start off with a recap of all of us hanging out over the weekend, plus Cody cuts an ad promo of our upcoming TV pilot. Then, for our famous Guys segment, we have the world's oldest bank robber, the challenging life of the last member of an indigenous South American tribe, and a cat so poorly-behaved its owner got arrested.

Red Roundtree- 22:46

Man of the Hole- 46:51

Lewis the Cat- 1:05:16

Wellll it's another week gone by. It's September, perhaps the most seasonally-ambiguous month of the year. I want to just keep my windows open but it still gets stuffy upstairs. Part of this is just the peril of living in an old house. It's 99 years old. Next year I should do something for the anniversary, but I'm not sure what that should be. I don't know how one celebrates a house's birthday, you know? It hardly even has anything to do with that, to be honest, it's more just that when anything has its 100th anniversary it feels like you should celebrate in some way. Consider it part of the human fondness for round numbers. Maybe zeroes are sexual in some way. That's why humans do most of the goofy shit they do. Eh, who knows. I have some time to think about it.

It's a two man pod this week, featuring the rare combination of Alex and JackJohn. We start off with a jumbo opening segment, starting with an episode of "Am I the Grinch?" wherein they review a recent car commercial, followed up by a St. Louis news update. Then it's two tales of guys who fought with their local governments, one involving a talking cat and the other involving a particular fetish community.

Blackie the Cat- 42:48

Ryan Polokoff- 1:06:04

Ever realize something that everyone else in the world has already realized, but you feel the need to make mention of it anyway? You have to add that whole "not an original observation" caveat to keep from getting made fun of? I had that this week when I listened to a cassette tape of Alanis Morissette's classic 1995 album "Jagged Little Pill." I don't know that I'd ever listened to it start to finish before. I realized, damn, this record has a lot of hits! Like, every song practically! Like, you figure you're getting All I Really Want and You Oughtta Know right up top, then Hand In My Pocket hits, and you're already having a hell of a time, then in the latter half, you get You Learn followed by Head Over Feet? And two songs later you get Ironic? Impossible. What a legend. Maybe that's why none of her other records ever did as well, she wrote a career's worth of bangers on one album. I think every car ride with my mom between the ages of 3 and 10 featured at least one song on the radio from that album. This has nothing to do with anything in the episode, but it's been a thing in my life I felt was worth mentioning. I've also been housing so much coffee I have an eye twitch. Many things to think about going forward.

This week we start off with a listener email and a breakdown of the opening weekend in the NFL Then, three tales of guys from all over the world, featuring a legendary Australian outlaw, an Irish town drunk who was damn near invincible, and an obnoxious aristocrat who faced steep consequences for trying to sabotage Magellan's voyage.

Moondyne Joe- 30:07

Michael Malloy- 1:03:33

Juan de Cartagena- 1:26:40

You know what, it's late. I don't have a lot left in the tank for this episode description. Here's what I'll do. In times of crisis, creative minds turn to audience participation. This episode description will be a Mad-Lib. Maybe you can kill 1 minute out of a 10 hour road trip with it to a smattering of laughter. Here we go: Ugh, it's so (adjective) out. Work has been (adjective) lately and the world is (negative adjective) but the fellas are here to help you blow off some (noun). To start things off, the guys discuss (liquor), (plural animal), (TV show from the 90s or early 2000s), (pop punk band), and the time JackJohn drank too much (alcoholic beverage) and (bodily function- past tense) in front of a bunch of girls. Then, for our (adjective) Guys segment, we have a (type of athlete) who ruined his career by liking (plural noun) a bit too much, a doctor who tried to cure (physical ailment) with (vegetable) with shocking results, and a (prestigious professional job) who tried to prove he could (method of suicide) and survive.

Ok, hopefully that was fine. What actually happens in this episode is that the fellas pay tribute to Jimmy Buffet with a special game and we finally learn what soundtrack Alex bought on vinyl two weeks ago. Then, for our Guys, we have an infamous college football fan who took out his rage on a bunch of trees, the tragic fall of an old-timey boxer who fought a bunch of guys with really funny names, and the surprising career pivot of one of football's greatest human highlight reels.

Harvey Updyke- 33:59

Tony Marino- 1:08:52

Sam McGuffie- 1:30:50

It is SO FREAKING HOT. I know we've said that before but this time we mean it. It's hot. It's hotter than a jalapeno's armpit. Hotter than Satan's toenails. Hotter than a half-bred fox in a forest fire. It's hotter than an otter's pocket. It's hotter than a three balled tom cat (not sure about that one). It may be hot, but this episode of Here's a Guy is fire! (Ugh. Sorry, been a long week). To start the episode, we discuss the weather, Animal House, and vinyl records. Then, for our patented Guys segment, we have a quack doctor whose self-cures did something super gnarly to his own face, another super ornery Wild West figure, and a criminal who proved to the cops he was a lot smarter than they thought.

William Bailey- 28:58

Clay Allison- 54:50

Michael Gonzalez- 1:11:02

It's Thursday again, and folks, I've got a bone to pick. Bone to pick? That's such an odd phrase, who came up with it? Picking bones, what does that mean? Like, in reference to graverobbing? Surely not. Maybe it's referring to, like, picking the little bits of meat and tendon off of bones after you've eaten the bulk of whatever you've been eating. I actually just did that with some supermarket chicken earlier that is currently not sitting well. I also enjoy doing that when I indulge in one of my other favorite treats, getting high off my ass and making hot wings in the air fryer. It's when I'm at my most caveman. Anyway, I forgot where I was going with this. Weird saying though. Maybe that's who I have a bone to pick with, the inventor of the saying.

This week we open with a prolonged discussion of the institution of brunch, plus some unfortunate updates from the world of sports. Then, for our relatively famous Guys segment, we're discussing the relative and namesake of a famed American figure who became his town's bully, a successful lawyer whose recurring bit to impress students led to his downfall, and a football player who got called for a simple penalty and paid a massive price.

Davy Crockett- 28:38

Garry Hoy- 45:45

Orlando Brown- 1:14:32