Here's A Guy

Men. One of the most well-known genders on earth. Of all of them in existence, men have arguably received the most press coverage and caused the most harm historically. This is where we get what we call the patriarchy- the power structure predicated on the idea that men deserve to be in charge of everything despite such strong evidence to the contrary. This week, our episode will be adding to that evidence. First, the guys have a fairly gross conversation about bug bites, poison ivy, ticks, and other outdoor maladies. They also may discover a part of the body that doesn't have a name? Then, it's two tales of Guys (oh btw, JackJohn isn't in this episode, forgot to mention), one of whom is the world's most prolific serial date & dasher, the other of whom is the short-lived coach of a legendary college football program who fumbled the bag due to his stripper-related habits.

Paul Guadalupe Gonzalez- 27:18

Mike Price- 54:01

The good news: it's nice enough out that I can sit on my porch as I write this. The bad news: this means I'm being reminded of what my yard looks like. It's a perfect storm of a bad yard-mowing situation. Last week it was oppressively hot, so hot that it you want to avoid yardwork for health purposes as much as being lazy. Then, immediately, it started raining a shitload. So now, not only will it not get dry enough to mow, but the grass is tall. What a crock of shit. I'm out here and I can hear all the crickets laughing at me. Soon they'll be sneaking into my basement where my cat will eat them and get an upset tummy. Well, that's the circle of life, or something. This week we're back to a full cast. We start by plugging the Patreon (sub on patreon.com/heresaguypod for killer bonus content!), read a listener poem, and discuss razer mishaps, Jack dying his hair, pop punk, and fedoras. Then it's 3 more fascinating Guys, featuring a man with a massive appetite for stolen groceries, yet another kooky self-surgeon, and a criminal suspect whose rights were violated in a totally farcical way.

Edward Dando- 20:24

Edward O'Neill Kane- 46:36

Warren Demesme- 1:12:29

We're just going to be up front about this. The episode description is going to be lacking this week. The reason is that the guy we make write these things is on strike. Now, we at Here's a Guy support organized labor, as we've said, so you may think we'd be establishing a dialogue to set up a more equitable working space for the description writer. Well, you would be wrong. Everything has an exception, and the description writer is one of them. Fuck him. Once we find him, he will be locked back in the Here's a Guy cellar, he will take his beatings, and he will enjoy the pork rinds we throw down there for him. And it will happen soon. Mark our words.

As for the episode itself. it's a two man operation this week, featuring a rare combination of Cody and JackJohn. They discuss pop punk, why cats would make good presidents, oh, and a pretty big piece of news- our Patreon is launching on August 1st! Subscribe for some excellent bonus content. leading off with a long-awaited movie review where we get very upset. Check it out in a few days. In the meantime, we have two tales of Guys, featuring a doctor who found himself in a tricky situation while visiting Antarctica and a British politician who cared a lot about dogs but in the wrong way.

Leonid Rogozov- 29:04

Kenneth Baker- 1:02:44

Good morning! (ooweeooweeooweeoowee) Good morning! (ooweeooweeooweeoowee) Wake up Mr. West, Mr. West, Mr. Fresh, Mister by himself he's so impressed. Man, what a great song. Great album actually. Too bad that guy's like a Nazi for some reason now. That's what we call the 2020s conundrum. Actually I feel like we haven't heard from him in awhile. Is he doing that weird thing again where he's living in the rafters of State Farm Arena like the Phantom of the Opera? That was his creative process. Surprise surprise, the end result was the most insane, unpleasant shit you've ever heard. The bizarre processes successful creative people go through really make you feel better about not being rich and famous. You may all be surprised to find out our creative process is totally normal, which I feel is reflected in the quality.

This week we start with Cody providing a surprise update, plus some strange happenings in Alex's life this week. Then it's 3 tales of guys which totally by accident form a perfect Venn Diagram! We have an activist who loved being naked all the time and met a sad end, a frightening old timey pro wrestler and the many stories surrounding his demise, and the men behind a shipwreck so awful it killed an entire industry.

Robert Opel- 26:57

Yusuf "The Terrible Turk" Ismail- 44:04

Cpt. Thomas Wastie & Donald Rankin- 1:05:35

Life, some say, is all about pain. The pain in your lower back as you enter your 30s. The pain of the oppressive daytime summer heat on your skin. The pain of your overweight cat jumping straight onto your junk. This episode, too, is about pain. Pain of repeated failure. Pain of electricity coursing through your body multiple times. Pain of your elbow ligament tearing off the bone. But you know what? Over at Here’s a Guy, we’re going to have some laughs through the pain. Or, at least we’ll try. Maybe it’ll work. Maybe it won’t. If it doesn’t, well, at least we’re not charging you for it. What did we cost you, 2ish hours? That’s nothing. You trying to tell me that you were going to accomplish something in 2ish hours? That was the 2ish hours that was going to change everything? Please. We love our listeners though, we do it all for you.

This week, Alex reveals his All-Name team from the MLB draft, and Cody shares a news bulletin about two very petty Michigan politicians. Then, 3 painful tales of Guys, including an astoundingly incompetent Russian Naval officer, a park ranger with shockingly bad luck (wink wink), and a baseball player who redeemed himself after being traded for something insane.

Zinovi Rozhdestvenski- 35:20

Roy Sullivan- 1:11:00

Ken Krahenbuhl- 1:34:10

I'm sitting out on the back porch writing this, and it's one of those summer nights where even after it gets late it's still warm out. There's also a nice breeze. It's delightful. One of those nights where the air actively feels good on your skin. Perfect. I've said before, summer nights might be my favorite combination of season/time of day there is. Unfortunately, it's offset by how awful the rest of the day is. Is there anything more depressing than stepping outside to go to work at 8am and it's already oppressively hot? You feel even more like you're about to clock in for your shift in Hell than you already did. It's going to be 102 damn degrees tomorrow. Ain't nobody got time for that! Remember when everybody used to say that all the time? Man, early 2010s nostalgia is going to be so bizarre when it arrives. On the other hand, the people of the hipster subculture of that era deserve no other fate than to watch other people imitate them ironically. If we're still alive by then we may get some sinister yucks out of it. But I digress.

This week we lead off with a listener email live reveal, some bonus guy content featuring an in memoriam to one of the most ridiculous sleazeballs of this era, plus we bellyache about the Canadian wildfire smoke invading our air. Then, it's 3 more tales of Guys, featuring two con artist brothers whose grandest scheme got way out of hand, a British failson who made it his life's mission to prank high society at every possible turn, and the very kind person who became a legendary carny act.

Santos & Cayetano Hernandez- 22:42

Horace de Vere Cole- 52:15

Julia Pastrana- 1:29:30

The dictionary defines "two" as "the equivalent to the sum of one and one; one less than three." In my experience, this tracks. For example, usually our show has three hosts, but this week, one of them isn't here, so that makes one fewer, which means that we have two hosts. Is that right? I've been trying to spend less time smoking pot and more time playing with my blocks. Speaking of educational experiences that often mix with intoxicants, here's this show. JackJohn is out this week, so Alex and Cody are holding it down. To make up for all of your disappointments, we have a loaded opening segment, featuring multiple listener emails, Mike Pence giving a weird speech about Garfield, the ongoing submarine situation, cats doing weird things, and a special rest in piss to one of the worst people in the world. Then it's two tales of Guys, featuring a beloved Austrian mayor with a gimmick that led to his downfall and a man with the Guinness world record to end all Guinness world records.

Hans Staininger- 37:17

Ashrita Furman- 56:29

At work the other day we were asked to share something that makes us feel vulnerable. I declined to share the horrifying reality that the inane ramblings in the episode descriptions of my podcast are often places where I do demonstrate vulnerability. For one, in an exercise where people shared very heartfelt personal experiences, I probably would have gone over poorly if I used the occasion to promote my podcast. In fact, the less the podcast comes up at work the better, most likely. I wonder if I'm more vulnerable in episode descriptions because it's just a stream of conscience spewing out. If that's the case, does that mean that my internal monologue is more thoughtful and sensitive than me? What am I supposed to do with that information? What if my subconscious becomes a sentient being and everyone likes it more than me and it steals everything I have? That sounds like an Edgar Allan Poe story, expect it sucks. This week we begin with exciting updates on two previous topics of discussion. Then, it's three fresh tales of Guys, including a man who did something extremely irresponsible with a hot air balloon in the name of love, the scientist who set off the pop culture dinosaur revolution, and the weird, frustrating origin of one of America's weird, frustrating traditions.

Monsieur de Grandpre- 16:42

John Ostrom- 44:30

Francis Bellamy- 1:02:39

I can't think of anything to say here this week. What can I say, sometimes the creative juices just stop flowing. Instead, in honor of summer, I'm going to post the lyrics to the seminal 2010 earworm "California Gurls" by Katy Perry in prose form. Ahem: I know a place where the grass is really greener. Warm, wet and wild: there must be something in the water. Sipping gin and juice, laying underneath the palm trees...the boys break their necks trying to creep a little sneak peek at us. You could travel the world, but nothing comes close to the golden coast. Once you party with us, you'll be falling in love. California girls- we're unforgettable. Daisy Dukes, bikinis on top, sun-kissed skin, so hot we'll melt your popsicle. California girls- we're undeniable. Fine, fresh, fierce, we've got it on lock. West Coast represent. Now, put your hands up. Sex on the beach (we don't mind sand in our stilettos), we freak in my Jeep (Snoop Doggy Dogg on the stereo). You could travel the world, but nothing comes close to the golden coast. Once you party with us, you'll be falling in love. California girls- we're unforgettable. Daisy Dukes, bikinis on top, sun-kissed skin, so hot we'll melt your popsicle. California girls- we're undeniable. Fine, fresh, fierce, we've got it on lock. West Coast represent. Now, put your hands up. Toned, tan, fit and ready; turn it up because it's getting heavy. Wild Wild West Coast, these are the girls I love the most. I mean the ones, I mean like she's the one. Kiss her, touch her, squeeze her buns. The girl's a freak, she drives a Jeep and lives on the beach. I'm okay. I won't play. I love the bait just like I love LA, Venice Beach, and Palm Springs. Summertime is everything. Homeboys banging out, all that ass hanging out, bikinis, zucchinis, martinis, no weenies, just the King and the Queeny. Katy, my lady, look here, baby. I'm all up on you because you're representing California. Oh yeah. California girls- we're unforgettable. Daisy Dukes, bikinis on top, sun-kissed skin, so hot we'll melt your popsicle. California girls- we're undeniable. Fine, fresh, fierce, we've got it on lock. West Coast represent. West Coast, West Coast. Now put your hands up. California, California girls, California girls, man. California, California girls.

There you go. What a dumb bit. Also, everything sucked in 2010. This week we read a listener email and give our RIP to the Iron Sheik. Then it's three very unfortunate tales of Guys, featuring an Australian fisherman with a suspicious penchant for disaster, a woman who claimed to repeatedly give birth to rabbits, and a super dumb guy who acquired a mysterious blue substance.

Howard Rodd- 16:17

Mary Toft- 51:40

Devair Alves Ferreira- 1:18:25

We're sliding into summertime at Here's a Guy, and topics may be hot, but the hosts are oh so cool. Just kidding. That's actually an interesting question. Are the hosts of Here's a Guy what can fairly be considered "cool?" I'm not talking about among, like, Gen Z. I'm talking about among society at large. The hosts are too old for being cool to Gen Z to be a worthwhile metric. No shade against them, it's just that 30 years aren't supposed to be cool to teenagers. We repulse them, and that's fine. We had our time. I remember when I had friends all stressed over Gen Z bringing back middle parts and loose-fitting jeans. They were concerned that they won't be cool anymore. Well guess what- you're not! We're geezers now! Embrace it! Also, they don't know how anything works or what's good! Have you seen how they act at concerts? Or even just out in public in general? I'm sick of altering my route so that I don't walk into the background of your dumbass TikTok. I have a job and a house. See, now that we're old, we can say stuff like that. In our opening segment this wee we mourn the loss of Becky, Queen of Carpets, and discuss other local TV commercial celebrities. Plus, we finally get the black widow spider story Cody said he was going to tell back in Episode 52. Then, it's 3 absolutely kooky tales of Guys, featuring a man who got extremely upset about a pizza commercial, an Ohio family with about the most unfortunate last name possible, and a pioneering dinosaur guy with a bunch of fun quirks.

Kenneth Noid- 30:55

A family with a name that I don't even want to type out- 50:13

William Buckland- 1:10:38