Here's A Guy

What a week. Whaaaat a week. What a weekarooni. Quite the week indeed. As you can tell, we've reach a time of year where you're not quite firing on all cylinders. Everything moving around, you're not sleeping great, you're not eating great, your brain just isn't the well-oiled machine it often is. It's definitely just the time of year and not anything else, so don't send me any concerned DMs to the contrary. Thankfully, the fellas are back this week to help it all make sense for you! Hmm. Maybe I should have outsourced this one. I've spent small amounts of money on worse things. Shit, just this weekend I was bored and ordered two different size XL vintage St. Louis Zoo t-shirts. What the fuck else was I going to do with that $40? Start a savings account? Save up for what, THREE different size XL vintage St. Louis Zoo t-shirts? Fuhgeddaboudit. Alright, we're back on track. This week we start off by reading two different listeners emails, and Alex gives Cody a gift live on air. Then, for our patented Guys segment, we have a man with a van and a rather intricate conspiracy theory, the roller coaster career of an MLB pitcher, and the time a luckless man reversed his fortunes in a big way.

Steve Lightfoot- 26:05

Brad Penny- 57:00

Bill Morgan- 1:19:45

Good evening, everyone. At least it's evening here, for me. Not sure what you have going on. The weather is lovely, and I'm sitting on my back porch as I do this. I just installed some new lighting out back along my fence. One side has some fancy electric lights which give off a very aesthetically pleasant glow. The other side has solar lights, which aren't as bright but are more morally correct. But I don't know. It's not like my electric lights are on every night, it's just when I'm out here. I don't think that's something to feel guilty about. I'm doing better than my neighbors across the alley, though, who have this insane flood lamp that lights up whenever it detects motion, meaning it has to blind my peripheral if I'm by a back window and a possum goes through their yard. If I look at it like a possum alarm, that actually does make it a little bit more palatable. Reba the mother possum hasn't returned, so hopefully she's doing fine. Yes, this is what my inner monologue is like, in case you've wondered. I just do this all day, it's great. No wonder I'm depressed. This week we open up by discussing a number of topics, including cereal, cats eating barbecue, people who buy a lot of soda at the store, two listener emails, George Santos, and our lovely fans. Then for our 3 Guys, we have a legendary minstrel and his all-time great bit at the Battle of Hastings, another Arizona governor with a whole lot of bad ideas, and a railroad worker who formed a bond with a very special animal sidekick.

Taillefer- 36:33

Evan Mecham- 56:33

James "Jumper" Wide- 1:24:43

I won't lie, I'm pretty sleepy writing this one. We recorded late, for one. You'll have to listen to the episode to find out why. Spoiler alert, it involves a bunch of mulch. I also drank two tall boy hard seltzers while we recorded. Here in my elderly years, that's a lot to deal with on a weeknight. I've noticed in my old age that your body actually presents an alternative to getting drunk. See, when you're young, it's simple. You just drink until you get buzzed, then drunk. That's the one path, you know. You go down it until you stop. But when you hit your 30s, there's this whole other possibility, which is that well before you drink enough to get drunk, you will sometimes just get really tired. You either drink rapidly enough to achieve drunkenness, or you turn into a useless slug. On weeknight, I suppose the latter is actually better, but it doesn't feel that way right now, as I'm forced to be creative. Not that the bar for these descriptions is particular high, of course. The big thing to remark on this week's episode is that we hit a rather wide range of emotions. In our opening segment we discuss a variety of topics, including which Star Wars characters we are, Alex's misadventures with getting soil delivered, the Gags the Clown people apparently knowing who we are, and new additions to the Here's a Guy drinking game. Then it's a wide variety of types of topics, including a CIA spy with some unfortunate personal habits, an alarmingly insane neurosurgeon and the big idea that ruined his reputation, and a football player's delightful contributions to the all-time blooper reels.

Aldrich Ames- 23:32

Dr. Sergio Canavero- 58:15

Leon Lett- 1:27:56

Holy smokes, they've done it again. They've recorded another episode of this here show. How exciting. There's really not much that's going to make it stand out from the crowd of other Here's a Guy episodes. We like to think that means we've found a steady consistency, rather than some other theory. We're the backbone of your week. The reliable presence that makes your sad little lives meaningful. Just kidding. Unless you really do feel that way, in which case I'm sorry. I'm not a therapist, though, so I most likely can't help you. Ah, what else did I need to mention. I think that's it, actually, I've bought enough time I can move on to the actual episode description. First and foremost, we begin this episode by reciting our tribute poems to this year's March HaGness champion, The Wizard of New Zealand. Then, for our Guys, we have yet another French guy with a bizarre and terrifying appetite, the actual worst draft pick in NFL history, and an activist nun who just went out there and kicked all kinds of ass.

Terrare- 17:40

Russell Erxleben- 37:22

Sister Megan Rice- 1:08:05

Happy April 20th, everyone. A holiday celebrating the delightful intoxicant known as cannabis. Apparently in 2025, we're going to get a very funny occurrence, which is that Easter will be on 4/20. So there's your notice everyone, you have two whole years to come up with bits to do. Hopefully our country hasn't plunged into a holy civil war where Jesus jokes are punishable by death. Recent trends on that front have not been encouraging. April 19th would also be a pretty solid day for Easter, because then you can properly enjoy that leftover ham/mac & cheese sandwich the next day. That won't happen until 2070, when if I'm still alive I'll be in my late 70s- real borderline territory. Maybe taking a gummy then eating the leftovers sandwich will be my final act. What a way to go out! Or, maybe I'll just get Alzheimer's and wither to death, either way. But that's not funny. Hopefully this episode is, it was kind of hard to tell because I don't remember swaths of it. As you may have already guessed, this is a special 4/20 theme episode. We open things up by fulfilling a promise we made to you all a long time ago: we watched and reviewed the surreal 1990 anti-drug PSA animated special Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue. To clarify further, Cody and Alex watched it, and try very hard to make it make any sense whatsoever to an uninitiated JackJohn. Following that, it's 3 marijuana-related stories of Guys, featuring a cranky anti-weed town mayor with an ironic name, a teenager whose silly high school prank led to a very frustrating Supreme Court decision, and a pioneer in the field of medical marijuana with some interesting methods of study.

Herb Roach- 54:40

Joseph Frederick- 1:10:10

William O'Shaughnessy- 1:46;54

Welcome back everyone, and we hope you had a good Easter. Or Passover. Or whatever you did. JackJohn just grilled I think. And that's good. Unfortunately for him, I've decided to declare this an Eastern Orthodox Catholic podcast, and we've banished him for being disrespectful to our lord and savior Christ, who was sacrificed 2000 years ago so that we can be allowed to be unhappy and follow a strict set of rules. Come to think of it, isn't the whole "Jesus died for our sins" bit kinda cheapened by the fact that he just came right back? I mean, wouldn't it be more impactful if he was just gone forever? How about someone who died permanently, like Paul Walker? Getting hung up on a cross like that probably hurt pretty bad though, I'll give him that. Anyway, who am I to say what's what, I'm just some guy who smoked some marijuana about 20 minutes ago. This week, we have quite the raucous episode. In the opening segment, we discuss the events of Easter weekend and Alex's possum situation, then read a tremendous e-mail rant from our friend John Fleming. For our Guys this week, we have an Old West outlaw even scarier than the usual standards, a story of a wedding gone awry in the most sitcom-ish way possible, and an everyman who lived out his lifelong dream which just so happened to involve a lawn chair and some balloons.

Boone Helm- 21:33

Tale of the Missing Wedding Dress- 53:33

Lawnchair Larry Walters- 1:09:50

It's been a crazy week. Cody and JackJohn have been up to some fun shenanigans. Alex's craziest moments came at work and therefore relate to the carceral system, which is less fun to think about. Just the other day, we had 120 tornadoes in a single day. Isn't that wild? And I didn't even get to see any of them. I've been obsessed with tornadoes my whole life and I've never actually gotten to see one. But then again, that is technically a good thing. It is potentially hazardous to one's health to be in close proximity to a tornado. Yet, all I want is to just see one in person one time. What a sick, strange type of existential quagmire. The show is enjoyable this week at least. To top things off, the guys discuss Wrestlemania, donkey basketball, after-prom, energy drinks, Chicago, March HaGness, and the merits of driving two hours to buy a gimmick drink for a bachelor party. Then it's 3 more tales of guys, featuring a mysterious legless man who washed ashore in Nova Scotia, a guy who like carrots way too much, and the true story behind one of America's oldest mysteries.

Jerome of Sandy Cove- 35:55

Basil Brown- 1:03:20

Virginia Dare- 1:28:58

When doing a podcast, it's your obligation to the audience to every now and then do an episode that's just completely bonkers. Here at Here's a Guy, we felt that things had been getting (relatively- and I emphasize that word strongly) far too normal on this show. Well, this week should change that. This week, we've got thrills. We've got chills. We've got...JackJohn giving his computer a hundred viruses looking up NSFW granny content (which, importantly, absolutely nobody told him he had to do). Things actually start off pretty normally, as we get a March HaGness update and the guys answer a listener email about the cartoon episodes that stuck with them from childhood. Then, it's three kooky stories, featuring a high school teacher conducting a disturbingly effective social experiment, a Lithuanian engineer's design for a rather unique roller coaster, and a British grandmother with a side hustle that sparked a great deal of controversy- and ruined JackJohn's week. Strap in.

Ron Jones- 32:51

Julijonas Urbonas- 51:45

Sheila Vogel-Coepe- 1:18:58

Hello world, and welcome to another fun, fun episode of Here's a Guy. That's how I introduce each episode, including this one. Sort of a catchphrase, if you will. The goal was always to find a catchphrase. but rather than something clever or inventive, it wound up just being some thing I say to no consequence. Fitting for how we do things, admittedly. The charitable interpretation is to call it "charm." In any event, this a momentous week indeed, as JackJohn finally returns from paternity leave. He hasn't changed a bit, and you can assess that however you like. We start things off with a roundup of the chaos in our lives this week, from JackJohn's baby possibly being the kid from The Ring, to the vet breaking Cody's cat, to Alex blowing out his vocal chords and sounding just like Gonzo the Great for a day. Then it's 3 fun tales, including an Indian prisoner who was part of an unusual crime epidemic, a legendary Caribbean female pirate, and a legendary Chinese female pirate.

Ramu- 21:28

Anne Bonny- 45:35

Zheng Yi Sao- 1:10:50

It's starting to feel like Spring. It's chilly, but not in the same way that fall is chilly, you know? Like, it's not crisp. What air quality is that? Is it a physics thing? I don't know anything about anything. And that's why we do this podcast. It's Episode 68, so I now know 68 things. But also, it's rainy, and things look green. St. Patrick's Day is tomorrow. Here's a free viral tweet for anyone who wants it: It so figures that the holiday for white people doesn't come with a day off work. You can workshop the wording on that if need be, but the structure is there. Just be sure to promote the show in the tweet underneath. Preferably don't lead with one of the bad audio episodes. This week, our good friend John Fleming returns to the show, and this time, he has better audio because his dog isn't wilding out the entire time. First we discuss the St. Louis Battlehawks, ABBA, and which sports franchises are the most Guy. Then, it's 3 magnificent Guys, including the flamboyant immigrant saloon owner who started the proto-version of the Cardinals, the surprising truth behind the NHL's first Japanese player, and a long-overdue subject who may just, somehow, be the wackiest baseball player in history.

Chris von der Ahe- 39:09

Taro Tsujimoto- 1:19:36

Rube Waddell- 1:52:34