Here's A Guy

Hear those sleigh bells jing-alin', ring-ting-tingaling too, come on it's lovely weather for Here's a Guy together with you! That's the best I've got this morning. It barely holds together logically, and for that matter the premise is questionable, because the weather is actually about to get quite bad. Oh, and on that note, let me just say, we have a winter storm rolling in the next couple days, and I know people like to listen to this show in their cars, so I must emphasize, please be safe and avoid travelling if at all possible. Not only will your loved ones be very upset if something happened to you while driving to go see them, but can you imagine how bleak it would be to die while listening to this ridiculous show? Terrible to think about. Well, it's officially our Christmas episode. For the very first time in the show's history, Cody was unable to participate, for reasons JackJohn lays out in the opening bit. Thoughts out to him and his digestive tract. Fear not, though, as Alex and Jack are here to go a-wassailing (I think? Not actually sure what that means) for your amusement. We start by reviving our classic segment "Am I the Grinch?" We also read a listener email and give an in memorium to a very special puma who loved eating cute critters all over the Hollywood Hills. Following that is two tales of guys, featuring a woman whose romantic partners would all agree did not have the holiday spirit, and a biologist who founded the crytpozoology, and, surprise surprise, had a bunch of really strange ideas.

Helen Williams- 34:20

Ivan T. Sanderson- 53:45

Lordy lordy, we are back from our brief vacation to bring you some fresh Here's a Guy content. And fresh it is indeed, because two of our guys probably smelled bad, and the other is a crime mystery where something "stinks to high heaven," as it were. If this description isn't as good as usual, it's because I'm writing it in the morning with only partial caffeination. My audio recording had the screwed-up crackly thing that ruined a bunch of earlier episodes, so instead JackJohn edited his recording and sent it to me at like 3:30 in the morning. What a maniac. I don't even know what 3:30 a.m. looks like anymore. Hell, it could be the best time of the day for all I know. It could rain chocolate and pornography from the sky. I wouldn't know, I have sleep to catch up on. I have a life. Also, hello, the internet exists. You can just get that stuff whenever you want, and with more freedom of choice at that. That's what (Jack Nicholson from The Departed voice) THIS COUNTRY is all about! (You know, from that scene where they exchange the microchips with the Chinese crime lords and he gets weirdly, randomly patriotic for a minute. It was strange. There was also that opening sequence where he says the n-word a bunch of times that we probably could have done without. Good movie despite those two things though.) This week, Cody live-samples a "Weiner Lager" as we discuss our favorite holiday beverages and the Christmas light display at the zoo. Then, three tales of Guys, featuring yet another mad scientist with even more questionable ethics than the usual, the mystery behind Ireland's most notorious serial traffic offender, and a farm boy turned bureaucrat who came up with a creative solution to our nation's most daunting dairy crisis.

Julius Wagner-Jauregg- 23:51

Prawo Jazdy- 38:36

John R. Block- 1:00:22

The holiday season is upon us, and we at Here's a Guy are getting into the spirit with an eventful episode. Sorry I couldn't come up with a better play on words than that, I'm pretty tired. Probably the tryptophan from all the turkey I ate last week, right? Not a very timely gag. Also, I'm not sure if that's even true. Everyone shares their little smartypants studies now about how the tryptophan thing isn't why you get tired after Thanksgiving dinner, it's just because you ate a ton of food. But I was under the impression that was kinda the joke? Like, you gorge yourself then you're claiming some obscure scientific fact for why you feel tired after? Was that not people doing a bit the whole time? Who knows anymore. The actual reason I'm tired in this instance is that it's really late. I'm actually typing this up while in bed, which is why I keep having to delete typos. I think I need to wash my sheets tomorrow too, but that's a separate matter. We start this episode off with another great email prompt from a listener, plus a review of our Spotify Wrappeds. Then, three fabulous tales of guys, from an old English guy who went nuts and did a bunch of wacky stuff before becoming a martyr, a failed baseball player turned pro wrestler and his KISS-related misfortune, and the many inexplicable hijinks of stock broker/author/chess enthusiast/sex activist/convicted felon/serial political candidate Sam Sloan.

John Nichols Thom- 35:33

Dale Torborg- 1:00:47

Sam Sloan- 1:30:37

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. What a great holiday. All about getting together with loved ones and stuffing your face until it causes you physical discomfort. A perfect day, unless you hate your family or have self-respect. Thankfully, neither of those are the case for the hosts of this show, who are here our very first Thanksgiving episode. We first celebrate with an overstuffed opening segment, featuring a discussion of regional Thanksgiving foods from across the country (lot of creative ways to innovate shellfish, turns out), the greatest hits of stories from Cody and Alex's grandfather, and the designation of the official Guy of the World Cup. Then, we have a very special first topic- a 1930s criminal and fugitive from justice who just so happens to be related to two hosts of the show. We then have the last edition of Jack's series on luck, a woman who worked on multiple famous doomed ocean liners. Cody then takes us home with a Ukrainian chemistry student whose love for sour candy caused him big trouble.

Dick Orval Cannedy- 47:49

Violet Jessup- 1:16:45

Vladimir Likhonos- 1:46:06

Here we are, Episode 54. 54. 54. Surely there's some riff material I can get out of the number 54. See, the problem is, usually I write these things late at night as you can probably tell, but this time I'm writing it at like 8:30 in the morning. I'm far too clear-headed. Alright, I googled the significance of the number 54 and here's what I got: "54 is a unique number, as it carries the vibration of individual digits five and four. In numerology, this lucky number has a solid foundation known as the 'Master Builder.' The significance of the number is all about manifestation, creation, and building something from scratch." Not sure what that really means. Sounds like a bunch of hippie bullshit. But if that's what you're into, I guess that's fine. After all, when has Here's a Guy, or any of the individual hosts, ever made fun of someone's belief system? Unheard of. Now that we have that out of the way, here's where I explain what happens in this episode. We start off with some more friendship lore, this time a rather significant event- the infamous Purple V-Neck Night, told from the perspectives of 3/4 people involved. Our friend Tom is welcome to come on and defend himself anytime. Then, a group of stories, that are, frankly, pretty grim, with a running theme of "ridiculous reasons human beings will escalate to violence." Heartwarming for sure. First, the time that a war between two massive nations nearly broke out over a pig-related dispute, then an argument during a pickup soccer match that escalated to unthinkable levels, and finally, part 2 of Jack's series on luck, featuring a man who lived through two historic tragedies in a short span of time.

Lyman Cutlar- 22:17

Otavio Jordao da Silva Catanhede- 43:12

Tsutomu Yamaguchi- 1:18:03

Folks, I'd like you to conjure up some epic, triumphant music in your minds. Something with a lot of trumpets, perhaps. Like what you imagine playing to introduce ancient Olympic games. Although, were trumpets invented yet back in ancient times? No, right? Why is that what we associate with it? Maybe there's an article about it or something, I'll have to look it up before I go to bed. Life was so bad back then. Have you ever thought about that, how like almost everything we use and interact with didn't exist back then? What the hell did they do all day? Ok, I actually just looked it up and trumpets had been invented. Probably why there's some stuff about them in the bible. Anyway, back to my original point, which is that I'd like to imagine some epic trumpet music, because we have a tremendous episode this week. We start off with a listener email, always a good start. Then 3 big topics, as JackJohn begins a 3-part series of luck by discussing a Croatian man whose absurd fortunes start off sounding really bad then become really good. Alex and Cody then follow up with two true icons in the world of Guys: a legendary Greek philosopher with a love for being annoying and nasty, and a horrible old bag who used to own the Cincinnati Reds.

Frane Selak- 17:06

Diogenes- 42:41

Marge Schott- 1:10:15

Mwahaha! (thunder rumbling) (bat sound effect) Welcome to a haunted, Halloween edition of Here's a Guy! (FYI I was going to actually add more of these sound effects to the episode itself, but finding them was harder than I expected and it's also not super easy to just drop a bunch of them into the episode in random spots with my unsophisticated editing software; you'll just have to imagine them, or see if you can find a Scooby Doo backing track or something to play on another speaker while you listen). This week we're fully in the "spirit" of the season indeed. (see I kinda did something there with that "spirit" line; just because I don't add the sound effects doesn't mean I'm not trying) We begin with a discussion of our all-time favorite Halloween costumes, then decide once and for all whether we'd rather get old-fashioned treats or moral panic treats while trick or treating. Then, it's "here's a ghoul," with a wicked witch's brew of topics (that one is a stretch admittedly), from a guy whose newly purchased suburban house turned into a living nightmare, to a mysterious British killer and the questionable investigation of his crimes, to a Russian military officer who led what was as close to a real-life real zombie invasion as you're likely to see.

Brian Trost- 28:45

Wearside Jack- 55:30

Vladimir Kotlinsky- 1:19:02

Many say October is the King of Months. By many, I mean me and several of my friends. But we're right about this. Leaves changing colors, apple cider, pumpkin patches, all that stuff. Far less cute and almost as fun, we have the Here's a Guy podcast. Take a break from all your fall merriment to join us! (I didn't sleep well last night.) We start with a roundup of the crazy things happening here in St. Louis this week- it's been a wild one even by our standards. Then, as is standard, 3 fascinating tales of Guys from around the world, from the winding journey of a pro wrestler with several memorable gimmicks, to the horrifying reality behind an iconic horror movie performance, to a guy who got caught eating someone and suffered much fewer consequences that anyone would prefer.

Charles Wright- 16:44

Gunnar Hansen- 55:02

Issei Sagawa- 1:26:06

Well, would you look at that. The hottest fledgling podcast of the last year (in our opinion) has reached the incredible milestone of 50 episodes. 50! That's 5 sets of 10 episodes! Half of 100! I didn't look real deep into this but I think that's unprecedented. Since this is such a big deal, we decided to do something special for all of you- our very first attempt at a live episode. It went pretty well! For those of you who think you're better than us and didn't catch the stream live, we're nice enough to bring you the audio anyway. In a celebratory XL into segment. Two of these three things happen: 1) We discuss our Mt. Rushmores of past Here's a Guy topics; 2) Cody unveils the rules for the long-awaited Here's a Guy drinking game; 3) One of the hosts is brutally killed. Then, three tremendous tales of guys, from the bitter feud that rocked the Disneyland gang community, to the mysterious criminal who may or may not have terrorized a small town with gas attacks (not JackJohn), and a British Naval officer who threw a legendary party out of spite.

John Sarno- 1:01:01

Mad Gasser of Mattoon- 1:43:57

Admiral Edward Russell- 2:04:54

Boo! (The scary "boo" like a ghost would say, not boo like what an audience does to demonstrate their disapproval. Although I suppose I shouldn't be presumptuous.) It's the start of October, the King of Months, which is great for a whole host of reasons, chief among them that it's spooky season. For us, this means it's time for some festive tales of guys. Well, for some of us but not all 3. We have 2 real-life horrors on deck for you, then a fun palate cleanser at the end. Something for everyone! Unless you like a middle ground. Tough tatas if that's your thing. This week it's the sordid tale of the world's first known consensual cannibal, a statue sinister both in appearance and purpose, and a circus performer who dared an intrepid feat involving a big-ass waterfall. Oh, and check us out on Monday 10/10 at twitch.tv/jackjohnplaysgames for Here's a Guy Live! It's going to be great! Yeah!

Armin Meiwes- 24:24

Fremont Troll- 56:22

Bobby Leach- 1:21:25