Here's the Tower

Standup comedian Chekhov Foxworthy made his debut in episode 63 back in 2019. Now he is back with more bits from his classic routine.

If your photos look like a Barbie doll and you have that fuzzy face filter… you might be a Russian spammer.

If the background of your photos looks like the furniture in a funeral home… you might be a Russian spammer.

If you tell me I might be the big money winner… you might be a Russian spammer.

If it is after 1994 and you have a piercing in your tongue or eyebrow… you might be a Russian spammer.

Guest voice: Евгений в Голове as Chekhov Foxworthy

Associate producer: Betsy McClimans

It’s hard to believe, but it was 24 action-packed episodes ago that we started playing Fantasy Cabinet.

As you may recall, for about six weeks leading up to the presidential election in 2020, Here’s the Tower listeners were invited to submit brackets containing the names of people they thought would be in the next president’s cabinet.

Eight players competed for 31 weeks and, finally, today it’s time to award the winner with a well-deserved Here’s the Tower novelty coffee mug.

That coveted mug and the other desirable items mentioned in this episode can be purchased in the K Composite Shop at kcomposite.com/shop.

Associate producer: Betsy McClimans

Photo: Betty Ford dances on the Cabinet Room table during her last full day as First Lady, January 19, 1977. (Gerald Ford Presidential Library, National Archives)

Music used with permission:
“News Theme 1 & 2” by Audionautix
“Newsreel” by Max Surla/Media Right Productions
“They Called Her Cinnamon” by Lionel Quick
“Daily Coverage” by Marten Moss
“We Just Gotta Get Together” by Wanda Shakes
“In a French Bar In Stockholm” by Franz Gordon
“Feriado” by Cornelio

Bertrand Benoit looks back on his long life as a Cajun grifter. 

He spent years walking town to town along the swampy roads of Louisiana. He passed his days doing card tricks, hustling people out a few bucks, running afoul of the law, and breaking a few hearts across the bayou. 

Now he feels at home just about anywhere. 

Here’s the Tower presents
DEM CAWDS
Scott Ritcher as Bertrand Benoit
Micah Touchet as the Sheriff of Terrebonne Parish
Jasmine Weatherby as Miss Pauline
Pat McClimans as Beauregard Fontenot

Original music:
“Bertrand’s Theme” by Pat McClimans

Other music used with permission:
“Jambalaya Stomp” by The Fly Guy Five
“Infiltrator” by Christopher Moe Ditlevsen
“Crawdad Stomp” by Josh Kirsch
“Something of Value” by Kenzo Almond
“Mississippi Ramble” by The Fly Guy Five

Associate producer: Betsy McClimans

It’s time to warm up those rusty pipes again and sing along to your favorite television theme songs.

If you can believe it, our first Theme Song Sing Along was just 70 short episodes ago.

Don’t sweat it if you can’t perfectly hit all the notes like I can. I’m a semi-professional singer who has sold literally dozens of records. Just open those windows and sing like you’ve never been watching people get hurt. Or something like that. I can’t remember how it goes.

Here’s what’s on the menu today:

Entertainment Tonight
The A-Team
Sanford and Son
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
Days of Our Lives
The X-Files
Hill Street Blues

Music in this episode might be covered under the fair use clause. We’ll find out soon enough.

Associate producer: Betsy McClimans

It all started innocent enough. We were just kids, knocking around, having fun. But then the money started rolling in.

Alternate titles:
We’re Too Far Into This To Back Out Now
The Phone Stays In the Box
Keep Those Breadsticks Coming

Music in this episode: “Palermo” by Trabant. Used with permission.

Associate producer: Betsy McClimans

Enjoy the warm, crackling sound of vintage vinyl, and know when to take a sweater.

Guest voices:
Mark Brickey from Adventures in Design as the record collector
Wichita’s own Emmy-winning reporter Annette Lawless as meteorologist Jenn Webber

Yes, that’s right. An actual Emmy winner participated in this. Happy 100th episode, everybody.

Associate producer: Betsy McClimans

Previously on The Price Is Right: Sometimes I wish my favorite television shows had crossover episodes.

Music in this episode:
“Foliage” by Bladverk Band
“Let This Be a Lesson” by Eludent
“Destiny Rising” by Formant X
“On the Franches Mountains” by Jura Orchestra

Associate producer: Betsy McClimans

It’s December 1941. The scene is the main room of the Café Americain in Casablanca, Morocco. It’s late at night as Ilsa finds Rick drowning his sorrows at the bar. She walks in and pulls up a stool.

Starring:
Sararose Willey as Ilsa
Humphrey Bogart as Rick

Associate producer: Betsy McClimans

Everybody knows the formula for making a hit record: sing about life hacks for household chores.

I have a simple rule I like to live by
It comes in handy in lots of situations
And it’s called…

Put it on the bottom

After you wash the dishes
And you’re putting them away
Put the clean ones on the bottom of the stack
If you put the clean ones on the top
The same dishes get used over and over
If you put the clean ones on the bottom
You’ll eventually use all the dishes equally

Put it on the bottom

Well, now, this can be a pain
If you have a lot of dishes and really tall stacks
But I don’t, I’ve just got a few
I don’t, I’ve just got a few
It also works really great
With stackable glasses
Stackable glasses
Stackable glasses

Put it on the bottom

You can do this with anything
That you use over and over
And keep in a stack
Like t-shirts or socks or underwear
Why wear the same clothes over and over
When you can cycle them through like dishes?
Cycle through them like dishes
When you…

Put it on the bottom

Try the bottom with your breakfast cereal
Turn the bag over and open it from the bottom
Try it with your chips and other snacks
Some settling may occur during shipping
All the little broken pieces
Get redistributed through the bag
And you won’t end up with so much dust
When you get to the bottom of the bag

Put it on the bottom

You know what else works great from the bottom? Bananas
A lot of people open their bananas from the stem
But you know who doesn’t? Monkeys
Monkeys eat more bananas than anyone
And they open their bananas from the bottom
Unless it’s an old mushy banana
Opening it on the bottom is like magic
It just pops right open

Put it on the bottom

Well, now, I hope you learned a thing or two
About stacking your dishes or opening your snacks
Maybe you’ll use some of these tips
When you’re putting away your clean underwear or socks
Take it from a monkey about how to eat a banana
Because they should know
Or maybe you’ll think of this time we shared
Every time someone says stackable glasses

Associate producer: Betsy McClimans

“Put It On the Bottom” by Scott Ritcher, Nov 17th Music BMI

During the long winters in Sweden, cozy weekend parties in friends’ apartments are a big help in making cold darkness more bearable. I have missed those parties this year, since getting together like that hasn’t been possible* during the pandemic.

Stockholm’s apartments are fairly compact and the refrigerators are also small, so there’s not a lot of space to keep beer and bubbles cold for your guests. Instead, it’s quite common for people to stack their beers outside on their apartment balcony. Out there it is usually very cold indeed.

You’d think that keeping the beers on the balcony would deter partygoers from congregating in the kitchen, but it doesn’t. The kitchen is still a great place to hang out. In that same respect, this solitary COVID winter hasn’t deterred me from writing songs suitable for parties.

So in anticipation of the winter parties that may return to Sweden next year – or when it is safe to gather again in small spaces – I am happy to present “Beers on the Balcony,” the first party song of 2022, or whenever.

If this pandemic goes on much longer, I just might have an entire album of party songs finished before the next party.

Get ready to sing along and raise your glass.

Featuring:
Sararose Willey as Debbie
Guitar lead by Pat McClimans

Beers on the balcony…
If you want a beer (Yeah!)
There’s beers on the balcony
If you want a cold one (Yeah!)
There’s beers on the balcony
It’s really cold outside (Brrr!)
We keep our beers on the balcony
Why is everyone standing in the kitchen?
There’s beers on the balcony

Beers on the balcony
Skål!
Beers on the balcony
Prost!
Beers on the balcony
Cheers!
Beers on the balcony

Associate producer: Betsy McClimans

*Disclaimer: Parties have not been possible for people who are not morons. This song is intended for use at post-pandemic parties only, attended by vaccinated and certifiably healthy people. Please don’t let the excitement of the singalong put you or your friends at risk.

“Beers on the Balcony” by Scott Ritcher, Nov 17th Music BMI