House Sadness

Only five people have bought tickets to my high school reunion so you’re all invited because I’m not going. Anyways, welcome to another episode of House Sadness. The dildos get things started with some “WFM’s,” then they see if the shit sticks in “Joke of the Gay,” then its time for “30 seconds of another Free Credit Report Dot Org commercial,” then the dildos have some secrets to spill in “Notecard Secrets’,’ then we hear “60 seconds of a JG Wentworth commercial” then it’s an old segment with a new pair of tits in “Fun to Your Head (formerly If You Had To)” then the dildos pick a name for this episode. So grab your headphones, tell your dad to open off and let the sadness fill your hearts.

 

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Anyone else get a notification from Bumble this week that Kris Jenner is looking for a new assistant? What a time to be dead inside. Yup, it’s another episode of House Sadness. The chodes get things started with some “WFM’s,” then it’s time for some yuck yucks in “Joke of the Gay,” then it’s “30 seconds of an Education Connection commercial,”  then the chodes listen in on some failed podcast ventures in “Other Podcasts,” then we hear “60 seconds of Sidz Bop volume: You Were a Mistake,” then the chodes ramble and name the episode. So grab your headphones, sell your soul on E-bay and play this episode for some coma patients.

 

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Is there another episode of House Sadness? (Guitar riff from Collective Soul) Yeah. The boys get things started with the usual “WFM’s” then its time for some half-assed ideas in “Joke of the Gay,” then we hear we “30 seconds of the greatest band to ever live: The Free Credit Report Dot Com chodes,” then the boys belt their little farts out in “How Does That Song Go?” then we hear “30 seconds of what has to be the last Pizza Head commercial,” then its time to turn on your smell-o-vision for a quick round of “Who Farted?” So grab your headphones, collect your souls and heaven let the sadness shine down.

 

 

 

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Let’s all go to the lobby and listen to these two chodes ramble. Welcome to another episodes of House Sadness. The boys get things started with some “WFM’s” then it’s time for “Joke of the Gay,” then we hear “30 seconds of a Double Mint Gum commercial,” then the boys sling some ideas that Hollyweird is too afraid to make in “Squeakquals,” then it’s “30 seconds of Nic Cage doing Nic Cage stuff in a Japanese commercial,” then the boys share some memorable movie going experiences in “From First to Last: Movie Theater Shit” then they wrap it up and wrap it out. So grab headphones, cut a hole in your popcorn bucket and get ready for the sadness to come at you in 3-Deez Nuts. I don’t know.

 

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Where have all the cowboys gone? Who gives a dang, it’s another episode of House Sadness. The boys get things started with some “WFM’s,” then it’s time for everyones’ favorite segment in “Joke of the Gay,” then we hear “30 seconds of a Girls Gone Wild ad,” then it’s the return of show favorite, audience favorite, Robert Redford’s favorite: Johnny Whit and he’s back to bring us more words of wisdom in “Whits and Giggles.” then we hear “30 seconds of the Mentos commercial where the dipshit in the suit sits on a freshly painted bench” then the boys wrap things up and name the episode. So grab your headphones, switch over to Progressive Insurance and welcome Aunt Flo to town.

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It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to because that is the House Sadness way. It’s the one year birthday/anniversary/whatever you wanna call it episode of House Sadness. The boys get things started off with a Birthday rap from Adam “You Got Any Hot Sauce?” Degi. Then the boys get into it with some “WFM’s” then we hear some jokes fail in “Joke of the Gay,” then its time for some sad birthday party stories in the creatively titled “Birthday Party Stories,” then we hear “60 seconds of another Education Connection commercial,” then I hope you brought another pair of jeans because they’re about to get creamed in “Scream Your Jeans (Genes? Either/Or is fine)” then we hear “30 seconds of another god damn Pizza Head commercial,” then the boys name the episode but they accidentally gave the title of this episode to last weeks episode because life is a fucking sitcom. So it blows. So grab your headphones, blow out your candles and wish for the sadness to keep on flowing.

We’ve been on the run

Driving in the sun

Looking out for number 1

California here we come

Right back where we started from

Hustlers grab your guns

Your shadow weighs a ton

Driving down the 101

California here we come

Right back where we started from

California!

Here we come!

On the stereo

Listen as we go

Nothing’s gonna stop me now

California here we come

Right back where we started from

Pedal to the floor

Thinkin’ of the roar

Gotta get us to the show

California here we come

Right back where we started from

California!

Here we come!

 

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That’s hot.

 

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Now a red solo cup is the best receptacle

For barbecues tailgates fairs and festivals

And you sir do not have a pair of testicles

If you prefer drinking from glass

A red solos cup is cheap and disposable

And in fourteen years they are decomposable

And unlike my home they are not fore-closable

Freddie Mac can kiss my ass woo

Red solo cup I fill you up

Let’s have a party let’s have a party

I love you red solo cup I lift you up

Proceed to party proceed to party

Now I really love how your easy to stack

But I really hate how your easy to crack

‘Cause when beer runs down the front of my back

Well that my friends is quite yucky

But I have to admit that the ladies get smitten

Admiring how sharply my first name is written

On you with a sharpie when I get to hittin’

On them to help me get lucky

Red solo cup I fill you up

Let’s have a party let’s have a party

I love you red solo cup I lift you up

Proceed to party proceed to party

Now I’ve seen you in blue and I’ve seen you in yellow

But only you red will do for this fellow

‘Cause you are my Abbot to my Costello

And you are the fruit to my loom

Red solo cup you’re more than just plastic

You’re more than amazing you’re more than fantastic

And believe me that I’m not the least bit sarcastic

When I look at you and say

Red solo cup, you’re not just a cup. (No, no, God no)

You’re my, you’re my friend. (Friend, friend, friend, life long)

Thank you for being my friend.

Red solo cup I fill you up

Let’s have a party let’s have a party

I love you red solo cup I lift you up

Proceed to party proceed to party

Red solo cup, red solo cup (I fill you up, let’s have a party)

Let’s have a party (Let’s have a party) Let’s have a party

(Red solo cup) Oh red solo cup (I lift you up)

Let’s have a party, proceed to party yeah yeah

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