Hi all, Jess here. This episode was Sarina’s idea, and when you listen you will understand why. It can be hard to focus on the work, whether it’s editing, world building, conjuring meet cutes, or translating research-based hope for the next generation. That said, it’s important that we keep creating and putting our words out into the world. We hope you are able to keep working while navigating the a balance between consuming, processing, and reacting to the news cycle and shutting the world out in self preservation.

Stuff we talked about

Write Through It: An Insider’s Guide to Writing and the Creative Life by Kate McKean

Kate Mckean’s website

We Are All Guilty Here by Karin Slaughter (release date August 12, 2025)

The OpEd Project

Authors Against Book Bans

Possession by A.S. Byatt and the film I adore based on the book

A Complete Unknown film

Hamilton, Non-Stop (“why does he write like he’s running out of time?”)

On Writing by Stephen King

All In by Billie Jean King

Permission by Elissa Altman

Meditation for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman

HEY. Did you know Sarina’s latest thriller is out NOW?

Rowan Gallagher is a devoted single mother and a talented architect with a high-profile commission restoring an historic mansion for the most powerful family in Maine. But inside, she’s a mess. She knows that stalking her ex’s avatar all over Portland on her phone isn’t the healthiest way to heal from their breakup. But she’s out of ice cream and she’s sick of romcoms.

Watching his every move is both fascinating and infuriating. He’s dining out while she’s wallowing on the couch. The last straw comes when he parks in their favorite spot on the waterfront. In a weak moment, she leashes the dog and sets off to see who else is in his car.

Instead of catching her ex in a kiss, Rowan becomes the first witness to his murder—and the primary suspect.

Digital books at: Amazon | Nook | Apple Books | Kobo | Google Play | Audible Physical books at: Bookshop.org | Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indigo | More paperback links here!

New! Transcript below!

EPISODE 448 - TRANSCRIPT

KJ Dell'Antonia

Listeners who I know are also readers. Have I got a summer book for you, if you haven't yet ordered Dying to Meet You. Sarina Bowen's latest thriller with just enough romance you have to so let me lay this out for you. Rowan Gallagher is a devoted single mother and a talented architect with a high profile commission restoring a historic mansion for the most powerful family in Maine, but inside, she's a mess. She knows stalking her exes avatar all over Portland on her phone isn't the healthiest way to heal from their breakup, but she's out of ice cream and she's sick of rom coms. Watching his every move is both fascinating and infuriating. He's dining out while she's wallowing on the couch. The last straw comes when he parks in their favorite spot on the waterfront. In a weak moment, she leashes the dog and sets off to see who else is in his car. But instead of catching her ex and a kiss, Rowan becomes the first witness to his murder and the primary suspect. But Rowan isn't the only one keeping secrets as she digs for the truth, she discovers that the dead man was stalking her too, gathering intimate details about her job and her past, struggling to clear her name, Rowan finds herself spiraling into the shadowy plot that killed him. Will she be the next to die? You're going to love this. I've had a sneak preview, and I think we all know that The Five Year Lie was among the very best reads and listens of last summer, Dying to Meet You, is available in every format and anywhere that you buy books and you could grab your copy, and you absolutely should…right now.

All Talking

Is it recording? Now it's recording, yay, go ahead. This is the part where I stare blankly at the microphone. Try to remember what I'm supposed to be doing. All right, let's start over. Awkward pause. I'm gonna wrestle some papers. Okay, now, 123,

KJ Dell'Antonia

Hey, I'm KJ Dell'Antonia, and this is hashtag AmWriting podcast the weekly podcast about writing all the things, short things, long things, pitches, proposals, fiction, non fiction, memoir. This is the podcast about finding a way to get your work done, and that is sure what we're gonna talk about this week.

Jess Lahey

I'm Jess Lahey. I am the author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation and you can find my journalism over at The New York Times, Washington Post and The Atlantic.

Sarina Bowen

I'm Sarina Bowen. I am the author of many contemporary novels, including Dying to Meet You, which is brand new right now.

KJ Dell'Antonia

Yay!

Sarina Bowen

Yay. Thank you.

Jennie Nash

I'm Jennie Nash, I am the founder and CEO of Author Accelerator, a company on a mission to lead the emerging book coaching industry, and also the author of the Blueprint books, which help people get their books out of their head and onto the page.

KJ Dell'Antonia

And also in your past life, the author of a lot of other books.

Jennie Nash

I know indeed.

KJ Dell'Antonia

I think it's worthy. I do. I'm KJ Dell'Antonia, I am KJ Dell'Antonia. I am the author of three novels and two non fiction books, and the former editor and lead writer of the mother lode blog at the New York Times. We have all had a number of careers. And the reason I brought that up, Jenny is that I was just interviewing Kate McKean, who has a new book about the mechanics. Like, it's a great book. It's called Write Through It, and it's sort of like everything we've ever talked about the podcast on the podcast, all the how to stuff all rolled up into one book, which is really cool. But I was telling her that I kind of have a unspoken motto of only taking writing advice from people who have not published a book, very judiciously. Now my freelance editor is not someone who has, or, I think I don't know if she even wants to publish a book, and she's amazing. So with with some thought, but my point being that you have also published many, many, many books. So if anyone out there hesitates around that don't, don't. Yeah, all right, that was a really lot of introductions. We got something to talk about today, and I'm going to demand that Sarina announce our topic, because she came up with it. Okay.

Sarina Bowen

Well, my topic is how to be present and devote yourself to your writing in a world that is so loud and confusing and it feels like whatever you're working on can't possibly matter as much as what's going on in the world, and all my writer friends are struggling with this right now.

Jess Lahey

It's, it's hard, especially when the work that I do, the work around like writing about kids and parenting and stuff, requires a fair amount of optimism and requires a fair amount of like, it's gonna be great, and here's what you have to do in order to make it be great. And it's really, it's been very hard for me lately to to be in that head space.

Sarina Bowen

Well, Jess, I would argue that, like, at least you're literally helping people. And some of us are fighting meet cutes and first kisses.

Jess Lahey

Okay, you are no but you are so helping people, because over and over and over again, what I hear from your readers and from readers of happy kiss, he a and kissing books that they are the the self care and the reprieve that they really need.

Sarina Bowen

Okay, you you just are. You just gave, like, the point, the point at the top of the notes that I made for this discussion, because people keep saying that to me, and they're not wrong. But for some reason, it hasn't been enough lately, and I, um, I was struggling to figure out why. And then over the last 48 hours, in a feverish rush, I read this Karin Slaughter book that's called We Are All Guilty Here that doesn't come out until August, but please pre order it now and do yourself a favor, because it's so good.

Jess Lahey

I love her books.

Sarina Bowen

Yeah, so I had the opportunity to have that same experience from the reader side of the coin, which is that I totally lost myself in this fictional world. It It mattered to me as a person to work through those problems, um, in the way that a novel has a beginning and a middle and an end and and I think that part of my big problem right now is that I can't see an end to any of the stuff that's you know happening. So it was helpful to me to have the same experience that my readers described to me, to be like totally sucked into something, and to feel like it mattered to me in the moment.

Jess Lahey

Well…And to add on to that, I had a fantastic sorry KJ and Jenny, we're just we're off on our little happy tangent here. But I had a wonderful conversation with a fan recently in on one at one of my speaking engagements, and she was apologizing to me for feeling like she had a really close relationship with me, even though we hadn't met. And she said, and the reason for that is that you're in my head because I'm listening to your audiobook. And I said, You do not need to apologize to that for that to me, because I have the same experience. And she said, the thing that was nice, you know, because I'm such a big audiobook fan, I feel this weird, parasocial, fictional connection to this person, because it's not just their words, it's also their voice. But the thing that she said was really sweet was she listened in her car, and her car became a place of refuge and a place where she knew she was going to hear a voice that would make her feel like it was going to be okay. And so even though I hear that and I know that, and I've experienced it from the other side with the audiobooks that I listen to, it's still, it is still very hard to look down at the empty page and say, How do I help people feel like everything's going to be okay? And it's, it's a difficult moment for that.

KJ Dell'Antonia

I have been thinking about this too, because I think we all are, and let me just say that this is not just a, you know, we're not, we're not making a grand political statement here, although we, we certainly could. This is, uh, it is a moment of some global turmoil. Whether you think this global turmoil is exactly what the universe needed or not it is still... um, there's a lot.

Jess Lahey

It's just a lot, and it's all the time, and it's like, oh, did you hear this? Did you hear this? And I feel like I'm supposed to be paying attention, and then if I pay attention too much, I feel like my head is it so, yeah, it's just a lot.

KJ Dell'Antonia

So what I want to say is, I think we have to get used to it, and I think it can be done. And I take some encouragement from all the writers who wrote their way through World Wars, who wrote their way through, you know, enormous personal trauma, who have written their way through, you know, enormous political turmoil, in their own countries, both as you know people who are actually writing about what was going on, but also as people who were not, I happen to be a real stan of the World War II books about, not like the drama of the war, but then the home that keep the home fires as they as they would say, stuff like The Diary of a Provincial Lady in Wartime and Angela Thirkell. And it's just, this is what was going on. There's some stuff... I can't think of all of it, but anyway. I love that reminder that life went on, and I think we have had a pretty calm few decades, and that that's been very lucky, but it's actually not the norm. So we gotta get used to this kids.

Jess Lahey

Yeah, I actually, I just flew home from a trip, and Tim was watching on the plane. Tim was watching a film with Siegfried Sassoon and Wilfred Owen. You may know Wilfred Owen as the person who wrote, you know, Dulce et Decorum Est, the whole thing, these are the world war two poets and a world war one poet, sorry, and yeah, they had a lot going on and they were writing poetry. Yeah.

Jennie Nash

Well, I knew from the moment that Sarina posed this question that I was going to be the voice of opposition here today, because I am seeing this and feeling this great surge of creative energy and people wanting to write, wanting to create, wanting to raise their voice, whether it is in opposition or as an act of rebellion or as an active escape, or just as a thing that they've always wanted to do so they're finally going to do it. It feels similar-ish to me as the pandemic did, in that way. And you know what I was thinking about Sarina, is that you are in the both enviable and also not enviable position of having done this a really long time and and you you know how it goes, and you not that it's wrote by any means, writing a book is never wrote. But the the creative process is not new to you, I guess, and I have encounters with a lot of writers through the book coaches I train who are just stepping up into this and just raising their voice and just embracing that. This is a thing that they could do. And this is a, you know, like I just, I've seen people, you know, a lot of dystopian fiction, obviously wanting to be written, climate justice, social justice, you know, books from people who previously marginalized, even like satire about the crazy stuff going on in education, you know, in all genres, all realms, I just feel the people doubling down. And so I wonder if it's, if it's, you know, the writer friends that you talk to are largely in that same boat as you very accomplished and in it. And I don't know it's my conjecture, because I just, I'm really feeling the opposite.

Jess Lahey

Actually, can I? Can I? Can I verify that through something else? So KJ and I have both mentored with The OpEd Project. It's about raising all voices to publish op eds in newspapers, not just, you know, the people that we're used to hearing from. And they put out an email for their mentors, because they said, This moment is generating so much interest in writing op eds, so that's a good thing too.

Jennie Nash

Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, yeah, I don't know i i also have to say that I personally have made a choice that is inspired by Oliver Burkeman, which is I'm not paying attention, and I know it's a luxury to not pay attention to the news, and I know that that it's a privilege and maybe not always a good thing, but I just made a personal decision that can't right now, or you don't want to, for what it's worth, so I feel a little ashamed about that, to be honest... I feel a lot of times that I'm not doing enough when I catch a glimpse of what's happening or what's going on, or my husband is a voracious consumer of the news, so I it's not like I'm not getting news. I just get it filtered through him and through my children, for sure, and and I would also like to just give a shout out to this podcast, because sometimes through this podcast, I listen to Jess and Sarina, On a podcast you recorded a couple weeks ago about pirate the pirate site episode, and learned so much, and it was so great, you know, so I don't know. I have to say that too, that maybe my stance is coming from a place of not being fully... pulling a little over my own eyes, I guess.

KJ Dell'Antonia

No, I think it's great that you are finding something that you're seeing like a surge of of positive energy. I mean, part of me, as I'm listening to you guys, wants to go well, but you know, nothing I'm I'm doing is a voice of protester opposition, but that's okay. We don't have to be voices of protester opposition. And we have to remember that most of the people in our country do not oppose this. So it's a little bit of a weird I mean, it's it's a weird moment that one's that one's tough, but it's also true. It's not, it's just change. It's just, it's just turmoil. But I love your point that there's, um, there's excitement and energy in turmoil. Maybe this is also a question of sort of where you are in your life, like, where, whether, the turmoil is exciting or stressful, or, I don't even know where I was going with that... okay.

Jennie Nash

Well, but I, I think there's, I've been thinking just a lot about AI and where it's going and what's going to happen. And some days I worry, and some days I fret, and some days, you know, I don't, I don't think about it or whatever, but, but I, the thing I keep coming back to is you can't keep a creator down. You know, the creators want to create. And it's the the process of that, the the creative process, whether somebody doesn't matter what they're writing and and Sarina, that speaks to where, where you are. You know, they could be writing a meet cute, or a first kiss, or what have you, but the fact that they want to be a creator in a world that's on fire is, to me, the hope... the sign, the sign of hope. You know, I actually I'm about to take a trip to Amsterdam, where I've never been, and of course, we're going to go to the Anne Frank House, and I may reengage myself with that story, and thought about it and looked at it, and it's like just the the urge to create, the urge to put it down, the urge to do the thing. And maybe that was an act of protest as well. But, you know, not, not a meet cute, but I just, I just, I believe in the power of the creator and and of that. And Sarina, you're so good at it, at that, at that process, and putting yourself in that process, and being in that process, and it makes me sad that you're questioning it in a way.

Sarina Bowen

Well, you know, I don't know. I actually kind of disagree that, that we can look away right now, because there's a lot at stake for for the for the world that writers operate inside and AI is really important, because there's a lot of super important litigation going down right now about what what is legal in terms of using our work to create AI and to not pay us for it. But also, there are other writers who are being silenced and having their student visas, you know, rejected and and it's only work of other people that is pushing back on this. So it's in some ways, I I can't really say, Oh, it's okay for me to look away right now and go back to this scene, because there are moments that matter more than others, but but in order to not give up my entire job at this moment, because it's so distractingly difficult, what I find I've had to do is figure out which sources really matter and which parts of my day are productively informational, and which parts are just anxiety producing. So by by luck, I went on this long vacation, long for me is like nine days, but we'd been planning it forever because one of my kids is overseas, and we were going there at his exact moment of having a break. So I had a vacation in a way that I haven't in a really long time. And I found that being off cycle from the news really affected my the way that I took it in. And it improved my mental health, even though I was ultimately about as well informed as if I hadn't left but I didn't have any time in the day to, like, scroll through the hysteria on threads. I could only take in the news from a few, like, you know, real sources and and that was really informational to me, like I didn't.. I had not processed the fact that how I take in the necessary information affected whether or not it merely informed me or also made me feel like everything was lost. So that that was pretty important, but also just the fact that that I've also been trying to be out in the world more and be where people are, instead of, instead of looking at my computer screen. And it's not like a work smarter, not harder thing, but like, choose your moments. You know, I believe that we still need to be engaged at this moment and to ask ourselves, what is possible for us to do. But that doesn't mean we have to scroll through all the stress online all day long in order to get there. And to me, that's that's what's made the difference.

Jess Lahey

We've had a rule in our house for a little while now that I'm not allowed to bring up any newsy things or talk about any newsy things after a certain point in the evening, because it messes with Tim's sleep. He would wake up, you know, churning about and thinking about whatever it was that I talked about from the news most recently. So any of those outrage moments are just not allowed in our house in the evening. And I think that's a really healthy barrier to put up and realize that there are points in my day when I can handle it and points in my day when I can't.

KJ Dell'Antonia

It's also possible that the thing that I could most usefully do to change things that I think should be changed is to give money to other people who are working to change them. Because, you know, we can't all... shouting on social media?, not, not useful, right? I'm not gonna run for office, personally. I do have a family member who does that sort of thing, and I love that, but I'm probably not going to, I guess, check in with me in 10 years. I'm, you know, there's only so much I when I think about, okay, what could I possibly do? Most of it is I can give money to people who are doing things that I want done, and the only way I have money to give to people who want things, who are doing things that I want to get done, is to do my job, which is, is to to write books. So there's that.

Jess Lahey

I would like to highlight, however, that Tim and I have both been periodically calling our representatives and having some really, you know, it's obviously not the representative themselves or our senator that we're talking to. We're talking to, you know, someone in their office, some college kid in their office, but the conversations have been fascinating. I've learned a lot just through those conversations. And they don't just sort of take your message and then hang up. They're willing to have a conversation. And it's been, it's been really fascinating. So calling your representatives is a really worthy thing to do.

KJ Dell'Antonia

Yeah, many decades ago, I was that person, and therefore I'm a little cynical about it.

Jess Lahey

Well, I do want to give a shout out right now, I've been watching one of my former students who ran for Mitt Romney's Senate seat in Utah as a Democrat, which is an impossible task, but she did really, really well, and she just got to open for Bernie and AOC at the at a thing in in in Utah. And so watching her, or watching people who are, you know, really getting engaged, and by a lot of them are younger people. That's and, you know, my thing is younger people. And so it circles back around to the more supporting I'm doing of people who are younger and people who are energized and excited about getting in there and writing the op eds and speaking and running for office, that has been another place of reprieve for me.

Jennie Nash

So I would love to to ask Sarina about... No no, because something she said, you know, when she said, I I disagree, it just it got me thinking, because I wanted to defend myself, and I don't know, and say, Well, no, I'm not I'm not that terrible. I'm not whatever. But I been listening to you talk, I was realizing that I I really have prioritized my own mental well being over anything else, and in terms of checking out of the things, and I've heard you talk about this before, on on a podcast, but my default response, like on the piece you talked about, about writers and being under attack and what's going on, that's just one tiny thing that's going on in the world of chaos. But that tiny thing I do tell myself I can't do anything. I'm just one person, you know, what? What can I really do? And therefore, then I don't do anything. So I do the bare minimum. I do the bare minimum, you know, like I give money to Authors Guild, right? You know, but it, I'm just going to put myself out there as the, the avatar of the person who says that and doesn't do anything and and then, to be perfectly honest, feels is a little smug when you're like, I'm dying and I'm wrecked and I'm whatever, because you're informed and you're actually doing things, and I'm like... oh, you should be like me and and not do, and then I feel bad about myself. So I just want to put that back as a conversation piece, because I know you have thoughts about that, that one person can't do anything.

Sarina Bowen

Yeah, so I often feel like there's a lot of problems I would like to solve and and if I tried to take on all of them, then I would be paralyzed, like there would be nothing I can do. And also, there are moments when we have to really pull back and and put our oxygen mask on before assisting others like that is a totally legitimate thing to do. And when I had this experience of going on vacation, and then it was such a big reset for me, I thought, Oh, you dummy, like, you know, that's like a thing I need to keep relearning is that, oh wait no, sometimes we really do have to drop out for for a little bit of time, because we will be more energized afterwards, but, but I bet that that one thing that you're supposed to do will announce itself to you fairly soon. You know what I mean? Like it just because you're having this moment of pulling back and needing to do that doesn't mean that that's a permanent position for you. Like, I don't, I don't believe that, like, because, because I know you care. So...

Jennie Nash

Yeah, yeah. But it's, it's just interesting the different, the different reactions and responses. And I often find myself saying something to my husband, which I'm not proud to share. But the thing that I say is, where is our leader?, who's stepping up?, whatever the topic is, or the area or the realm is like, who's who's going to save us? I I'm looking for somebody else to be the solution.

Sarina Bowen

Well, but, but that that's important though, because part of that is just recognizing that, that without a power structure, who knows what to do? Like, I've been lucky in that, like, I've spent a lot of time on conference calls with The Authors Guild, and I've found that I respect those people so much that you know, when the CEO of The Authors Guild, Mary Rasenberger, has an idea, you know that it's always worth hearing out and not everything you know gets done or becomes a priority of of the but, but I know who to listen to, and that wasn't always true, you know. So I've also subscribed to the emails from Authors Against Book Bans. That's another organization that has a lot of energy right now, and they're doing a fantastic job of paying attention. So, you know, it's, it's okay to pick one little realm and, and that's lately been my solution. Because, yeah, we're not we, we need leaders and, and the reason we're all we're so frustrated is because the lack of true leadership, the lack of leaders who can say, I made a mistake. I don't know everything. I don't have all the answers. Like, that's, you know, that's the kind of people we need in the world, and they're pretty thin on the ground right now. So, yeah, I totally hear what you're saying.

KJ Dell'Antonia

So, I mean, why do we have to say that's useful? I mean, how are we... We're all still working. I mean, yeah, you know, you can listen to Jenny and I trying to write our book every week. And I happen to know that, you know, Sarina is chowing is, you know, nibbling away at new drafts, as is Jess. So we're doing it. We're just distracted.

Sarina Bowen

Well, I always say that everything about writing, you have to learn more than once, like you learned it on a project, and you figure something out and you're like, Oh, right. And I think this is another one of those moments when how to reset yourself, how to. To you know how to find that moment of peace is, this is maybe the the lesson of the week, like, even if you don't, even if you don't write the best chapter of your life between now and the middle of of May, you know you can turn your attention to paying attention to your inner voice and how, how am I feeling right now? And how could I feel better? Like, do I need to go meet a friend in a coffee shop to work? Because that has been a real boon to me lately. Just being changed my scenery change the hours when I look at my inbox, that's another thing that I've done. Right now, I asked my assistant to please watch this one inbox, because I can't watch it myself right now. It's too much of people pulling on my arm. So just, you know, to turn some of the small levers that we have in our lives with regard to how writing fits into your life and see what's working. Like, it's okay to, like, break your strategy a little bit to see, you know, if you can shake up the problem.

KJ Dell'Antonia

I've been trying really hard to answer the voice in my head that says... I just can't do this right now with, well, okay, maybe, maybe you could, like, what if we just sat here for another 10 minutes? Like, what if you just, okay... I hear you like, to sort of like, be the other side for myself, like... hey I hear you, that sounds really rough, but what if we just did this anyway? Just, just tried. And you know, it's, it moves, it moves.

Jess Lahey

Along those same lines. What's been saving me is, as you all know, anyone who's listening to this for a while knows I love, love, love the research process, and I have a very big stack of books to get through, that is research, formative, sort of base level research, foundational research for this thing I want to write and and hearing other people's ideas, and hearing how other people put ideas together, and that just fuels me. And then on the fiction side, I've been and I hadn't even realized I've been doing this until we started talking about this topic. I have been watching a lot of movies I love about the act of creation. I re watched one of my favorites, “Possession” with Jennifer Ehle, and it's just one of my favorite films about… it's based on the the A.S. Byatt novel, Possession, and it's about poets. And then I was watching a movie about a novelist, and I was just re-listening to the new Bob Dylan movie a complete unknown, and hearing about other people's creative process fuels things in me. And I even just listening to the Bob Dylan movie while I was watering the garden, I was like, Oh, I could go, I can't write music, but, but I can still write these other things. Wait, hold on, I'm a writer. And then you start realizing, oh, that creative process is accessible to me too. And you know, whether it's the creative process that changes the world, or the creative process that gives you an outlet. Selfishly, either way, I think it's, it's important, and so I love digging back into and I've talked about, you know, re listening to Amwriting sometimes when, when I need that boost.

KJ Dell'Antonia

Isn't it funny that if Stephen King says, well, I spent, you know, 2016 not doing something, but, but like writing this new book. We're all like, yay, you do that, we love you for that, and that for all of us, we're just like, oh no, you should be... I mean, we gotta, we should do what we do.

Jess Lahey

Yeah, I guess I always think about, there was a moment when I first I saw him, I was so lucky to get to see Hamilton on Broadway, and I remember just that line about writing like you're why does he write like he's running out of time, that idea that like the stuff just is coming pouring out of you, and you've got to put it somewhere before it's over. You know, I love that feeling of desperation, and I get that from listening to other people's creations and other people's research and other people's creative acts. It's, it's good.

Jennie Nash

That's very cool. That is very cool. I I don't know, I guess I'm really good at, or lately have been really good at, at turning off, turning off the inputs, just because I have to too many input puts that will just do me in. And so for me, it's catching myself, catching myself floating over to social media, or catching myself clicking into something that I don't really want to read like you're saying, Sarina, at this this time of day, you know, I sit down to lunch and I don't, I don't want to read that thing. So setting setting aside time to engage with that is like the, the only way that I'm able to do it. And I'll try to choose to read something longer, a longer form thing, or or listen to a podcast. Rather than sound bites or snippets of things. So I'm trying to be self aware about not getting pulled down into the sound bite things. That's, That's what I mean by disengaging is, you know, not going on threads at all. I'm not going on... I sort of can't even look at Facebook or even Instagram. It's just all too, too much, and especially, especially Instagram, where, you know, you'll have all these calls to action, and then... bathing suits. I mean, maybe that's just me, right?

KJ Dell'Antonia

No, you're right. You're right. It's very...

Jennie Nash

Jarring. you know...

KJ Dell'Antonia

You can't control which bits of it like, at least, if you're looking at The Times, you're you know... or The Wall Street Journal, you're getting a section. Instagram is like, this terrible thing just happened here by this Jenny K quitter...

Jennie Nash

It's very jarring. So I don't wish to be there, and I do have to give a shout out to Substack. How great is it to be able to read things without all the noise and distraction from the people that you choose, who are smart and saying smart things. That's that's the thing that I choose, that I really like and kind of toward what you said Jess, happened to be reading the memoir from Billie Jean King called All In.

Jess Lahey

It's so good!

Jennie Nash

And and it's, I mean, talk about just a person who lived her values and made massive change, and understood how change is made, and is paying it forward in her life, and it is so inspiring. And it's, it's not quite, it's not quite the creative act, but it, I guess it's creation of change, but I find it hopeful and inspiring, and I think that's where I come up with the the question of, who's gonna who's gonna save us? Like, Where's, where's our person to lead? Like, like she was at the time when women's... not just athletics, but equality. She did so much for women's equality, and still is, you know, so it makes me hopeful that such people will be rising up and and I will be able to identify and support them.

Jess Lahey

I just finished listening to and reading on the page. I did it both ways. Permission by Elissa Altman about having the courage, it's a memoir, and the courage to create. And she it, she also articulated for me, just how wonderful it is to... I don't know, even if it's not out for mass publication, sometimes writing things down that are the stuff you've gone through and the way you're feeling that's just worth it in and of itself. But anyway, that was a lovely book I highly recommend, Permission by Elissa Altman.

KJ Dell'Antonia

But also I just want to say, and this is sort of suddenly hopped into my head. So I'm working on a book, surprise! Um, I'm trying to do something bigger and different that says a lot of things, and I have thoughts about it and and, um, I actually think I need to shut down input... for... I'm not gonna, I can't do this if, if there's a lot of stuff pouring into me, all the time, and I, I think that's, I think that's fair. I think sometimes, I mean, I was thinking about the person who wrote Permission, and I was thinking, You know what I'll bet she didn't read a lot of while she was writing that? People shouting at her that, that, you know, the better thing for her to do would be to churn butter in a nap dress. I think it probably It took some time to do that. And these poets that we're talking about, they're not writing a poem. Oh, you know, line by line. In between reading thread's posts, they're they're putting their time and energy into their work, and this is kind of what we've been saying all along, like, like, moderate it, choose your things, pick pick your moments. And maybe, you know, some time of quiet to hear what you think about what's going on, as opposed to what everyone else thinks about what's going on, and to let that, to give yourself permission for that to be whatever it is. Maybe it's not what we think, you know? Maybe, maybe its something different. That's okay. So I, I want to shout for, for that, for, okay, do, turn it off, work on a thing.

Sarina Bowen

Yeah, I feel like if, um, Jenny's point about taking your news from social media is totally different than taking your news from the front page of your favorite newspaper. And I guess to KJ's point that if we turn off the voices that are serving us the least well at this moment, what we might find is that there are more hours in the day to both get our work done and then have a minute to say, what else could I... what else could I do? Is that donating my time somewhere or just getting my own house in order? You know, I find I have more time to do things that matter when I am spending less time in the loud places that aren't serving me personally.

Jess Lahey

Agreed.

Jennie Nash

So well said.

Jess Lahey

I think we should end it there, mainly because we're we've run long, but, I'm really grateful for the four of you, I was going to my last point was going to be that my saving grace has been realizing recently that that it's the people in my life that I want to invest in. I had a realization someone told me some news of via someone else, and I didn't realize how disconnected I had become from the people that are real in my life, and how much more attention I was paying to people I don't know anything, people who I don't know that I have a parasocial relationship with. And so I'm my I have sort of a mid year goal, which is to make sure that the people who are actually in life real important to me, are most important to me. And so I've pulled back from those parasocial relationships and gone toward the real relationships, and I'm grateful so much for the three of you. I feel like you all rescue me in moments of doubt. So thank you.

KJ Dell'Antonia

Yay! People are a good use of time, as our friend, Laura Vanderkam says. So Jess shouted out the book Permission. I think if anybody else has a useful book for this moment, I want to offer up, as we have before, Meditations for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman. It is a series of four weeks, worth of basically three page long thoughts on how to deal with our own inevitably limited lives and personal resources. And I love it. Does anybody else have anything that would maybe serve people in this moment?

Jess Lahey

Sarina. Sarina, nothing to serve Jenny. Jenny has the Billie Jean King. I mean, the Billie Jean King...that stuff is fantastic. Yeah, she's amazing.

Jennie Nash

She's amazing.

Jess Lahey

All right. Well, thank you so so much everyone for listening to the podcast. We're great. So grateful for you, because you're why we get to keep doing this. And this is fun, and we love lowering our… sorry flattening the curve for a learning curve for other writers. So until next week, everyone, keep your butt in the chair and your head in the game. The hashtag AmWriting podcast is produced by Andrew Perilla. Our intro music, aptly titled “Unemployed Monday,” was written and played by Max Cohen. Andrew and Max were paid for their time and their creative output, because everyone deserves to be paid for their work.

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