It could all be so simple, but…

We’d rather make the dating process so hard. It boils down to ego keeping us from what we actually want.

Desire says, “I want a man.” But ego says “I’m independent.”

Desire says, “I’m ready to date”. But ego says “Say less.”

Ego is that thing lingering in the back of our mind that protects who we are from the outside and we think it keeps us safe. Ego is that piece of our personality makes us hyper-independent and needing nothing from anybody.

But the hard thing about not needing anything from anybody is that you never have anybody to need anything from.

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Every couple that I’ve interviewed on Dear Black Gay Men Podcast tells me, in no uncertain terms, that they need something from their partner. Whether it’s small stuff like cooking or cleaning, or big things like support after a traumatic event, partnership is about needing. Not from an insufficient place, but after building a life that is so big that it takes two (or more) giving full effort to hold up.

But we don’t go from hyper-independent to dateable overnight. The process in the middle is what I call “learning to lean”--it’s quite literally how we manifest the relationship that will fulfill us.

The second you make the jump is the second you step out of fear and step into the best time of your Black gay life.

Dear Black Gay Men Podcast is new this season with a whole list of guests that I’m excited to talk to in The Backroom. Our live show continues Thursday, February 6, at 8pm Eastern. Subscribe on YouTube or join our YouTube channel to support what we do at Dear Black Gay Men.

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