Is Black queer culture suffering from a fetish for straightness? This episode of Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, we’re diving into a major cultural contradiction that has Atlanta—and the internet—in an uproar.

The Julez Smith Debacle

The conversation started at Club Opium in Atlanta, where Julez Smith (Solange’s son) was booked to host an LGBTQ+ night. Despite being paid to host, Julez reportedly declined interviews with queer media and remained in the VIP section without mingling with the community.

This sparked a heated debate: Why are we giving our hard-earned “gay dollars” to straight men who merely “tolerate” us for a check?. As I discussed in the episode, we often prioritize “straight-adjacent” celebrities while ignoring the queer icons and local creators who actually live our reality and advocate for our culture.

The EJ Johnson Paradox

On the other side of the spectrum, we have EJ Johnson. In a recent viral interview, EJ shared a vulnerable truth: they don’t go to gay clubs because the men they are attracted to—and who are attracted to them—aren’t typically in those spaces.

It’s the ultimate irony. We chase straight-identifying men who don’t want to engage with us, yet we struggle to create space for gender-fluid icons like EJ who are openly navigating the “in-between”.

Is Straightness the Blueprint?

It’s time to stop treating straightness as the blueprint for desirability. From the Pride stages to the club VIP sections, queer people should be top billing in queer spaces. We have to hold promoters accountable and start giving “flowers” to the girls, the dolls, and the men in our own culture first.

What do you think? Are we obsessed with straight men in the scene?

Listen to the full episode of Dear Black Gay Men on YouTube or your favorite podcast platform for the deep dive!.

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Are you finding yourself frustrated by the current state of the dating pool, or are you one of the lucky ones thanking God every day that you’re out of it? On the latest episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, Jai the Gentleman dives deep into the “emotional ups and downs” of our journey to happiness, tackling everything from viral dating challenges to the latest legal headlines affecting our community.

The Naquan Palmer Saga & TS Madison’s Words

The episode features a critical update on the ongoing Naquan Palmer saga. Jai discusses the latest developments from the recent hearing regarding protective orders, a story that continues to evolve and spark intense conversation among Black gay men.

Adding weight to the discussion are recent words from the legendary TS Madison herself. When Maddie speaks, the community listens, and her perspective on this saga provides a necessary lens through which we should view these public legal battles and the intentions behind them.

Are Bottoms “The Drama” in Dating?

Beyond the legal headlines, the conversation looks at the “Pop the Balloon” challenge, which sparked a heated debate: Are bottoms becoming too picky?. Jai observed that while many tops and versatile men are open to a “full spectrum” of partners, some bottoms seem to exclusively seek out “strict tops”.

This led to a raw discussion about the “T” behind these preferences:

* Femmephobia & Masculinity: Is the insistence on a “strict top” actually rooted in internalised femmephobia?

* Position vs. Identity: Jai questions if sexual position should be an immediate dealbreaker on a first date.

* The “Unhealed” Perspective: Some suggest that rigid boxes for partners often come from a place of past hurt rather than genuine preference.

The Bottom Line

Whether you have “sugar in your tank” or you’re the “Glock on the nightstand” type, Jai reminds us that at the end of the day, the most important question is: “Do you like me?”.

Catch the full episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast every Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday at 9 p.m. Stay dope, stay honest, and keep loving Black gay men.

Dear Black Gay Men’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe

In the latest episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, host Jai the Gentleman dives deep into the emotional ups and downs of our journey to happiness. This week’s conversation isn’t just about the “horror stories” we all face on dating apps; it’s a necessary look at how we treat one another in our pursuit of connection.

Grindr and the “Ugly” Factor

Does Grindr make you feel ugly? Jai explores a viral conversation regarding young Black men feeling insecure on apps due to racial frameworks and non-accepting atmospheres. While Jai notes that his self-concept was confirmed before he hit the apps, he acknowledges that places like Atlanta bring unique challenges. From being told you’re “too dark” to being “too short,” the scrutiny within the Black gay scene can be intense.

Building Real Community

A major highlight of the episode is the discussion on community. Jai asks: Do Black queer people have a real community?. While we often align around sex and sexuality, Jai challenges us to find deeper connective values. Whether it’s sexual health, celebrating Black culture through music, or simply “shooting the s**t” three nights a week, building a space where we show how dope it is to love us is the ultimate goal.

Redefining Roles

The episode also tackles the “straight top” phenomenon and bottom shaming. Jai pushes back against the idea that being a “top” means certain parts of your body are off-limits, calling out the insecurities often projected within our culture.

Join the conversation live every Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday at 9 p.m. . It’s time to step out of our comfort zones and start digging for the “clearest water” in our dating pool.

Dear Black Gay Men’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe

On the latest episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, host Jai the Gentleman dives deep into the complex world of mannerisms, gender roles, and the journey to happiness for Black gay men.

Beyond the Binary: Embracing the “In-Between”

The conversation kicks off with a viral question: Do you like the “in-between” guys? Jai explores the beauty of the “butch queen” and the “queen-queen,” highlighting that attraction often transcends simple labels. From the effortless style of Jeremy Pope to the bold energy of Ronnie Wilson, we’re hashing through what the internet gets wrong about how we carry ourselves.

Rebellious Softness

Drawing inspiration from actress Jameela Jamil, the episode tackles a provocative idea: the most “macho” men are often the most submissive to societal structures, while those in touch with their feminine side are truly rebellious. Jai shares a personal reflection on his own “emotionally aware” journey and the strength found in embracing sensitivity without fearing it.

Stop Hijacking the Language

Finally, Jai addresses a major pet peeve: the appropriation of ballroom and queer culture. Words like “slay,” “work,” and “clock it” have deep roots and specific meanings—they aren’t just TikTok trends for others to use incorrectly. It’s time to respect the culture that Black gay men built.

Listen to the full episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast for a b******t-free step out of your comfort zone. Let’s celebrate how dope it is to be Black gay men who love Black gay men.

Follow Jai the Gentleman on IG @jaithegentleman for more.

Dear Black Gay Men’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe

In the latest episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, Jai the Gentleman dives deep into the “social currency” of our culture, questioning why so many of us feel the need to perform instead of just being.

From the evolution of “twink to daddy” to the unwritten rules of sexual positions, this episode is a b******t-free look at the emotional ups and downs of our journey to happiness.

The Cost of the “Mask”

Jai reacts to a viral creator who claims the community only cares about you once you’re “successful or attractive”. We explore how presentation—our weight, our voice, and our “vibe”—dictates how we are received in the streets and in the sheets. Is your masculinity a natural expression, or is it just armor used to protect a fragile heart?

Top, Bottom, or Just Performing?

We’re breaking down the “YN” confusion. Jai keeps it 100 on the difference between being a top and simply “not bottoming”. If you have to put on a persona or lower your voice to feel dominant, is it a position or just a performance?

Cultivating “Ride or Die” Friendships

How do we build community without “f*****g first”?. Jai shares a powerful tribute to his best friend illustrating how vulnerability and “Netflix and no chill” are the true foundations of a support system that lasts 16+ years.

Choosing Black Love

Despite the failed attempts, we’re ending on a note of hope. We’re discussing why choosing a Black man—and choosing ourselves—remains the ultimate goal.

Listen to the full episode now on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

Dear Black Gay Men’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe

In the latest episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, host Jai the Gentleman dives deep into the viral downfall of Naquan Palmer, known online as the “DL Whisperer”. Recently detained on felony charges of aggravated stalking, Palmer’s situation has sparked a massive conversation across the Black gay internet regarding harassment, sensationalism, and the treatment of our trans sisters.

From “Protector” to Predator

Since 2022, Palmer built a following of over 240,000 by claiming to “expose” men on the down low. Positioning himself as a protector of Black women, he used stereotypes and body language analysis to label men as DL. However, guest Hope Giselle points out that this was often a “vehicle for bigotry” and “transmissia,” allowing people to express hatred toward trans women under the guise of protection.

Why This Matters for Black Queer Culture

The episode explores how Palmer exploited a “chasm” in Black culture. As Black masculinity evolves—embracing everything from “Black boy joy” to painted nails—there is a pushback from those clinging to toxic, old-school tropes. Palmer capitalized on this fear, but his actions led to multiple protective orders from prominent figures like T.S. Madison and Dominique Morgan.

How to Be a True Ally

Jai and Hope conclude with a powerful call to action for cisgender Black queer men. True allyship isn’t just a “vibe”—it’s a job.

* Decenter Curiosity: Stop asking about surgical status or birth names.

* Audit Your Content: Unfollow creators who build brands on “clocking” or doxing others.

* Use Your Privilege: Disrupt the patriarchal systems that harm our trans brothers and sisters.

As Hope eloquently put it, we are all on the same side. It’s time to stop pushing our sisters off the cliff and start turning around to face the real systems of oppression together.

Want more deep dives into Black queer stories? Subscribe to the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

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It’s another Wednesday on the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, and Jai the Gentleman is diving deep into the conversations we usually only have in the group chat. This week, we’re reacting to a powerhouse guest: the award-winning artist and activist Dominique Morgan on the Boy Please Whatever podcast.

Who is Dominique Morgan?

Dominique is a Nebraska native now living in Atlanta who has transformed the landscape for Black trans people in the U.S.. Jai highlights her unique ability to blend philanthropy, activism, and trans visibility with a refreshing, unapologetic authenticity.

The Main Event: Trans Attraction and Labels

The episode tackles the “reality checks” Dominique brought to the table regarding straight men who are attracted to trans women. Jai poses a controversial question to the community: Where do we place these men in the culture?.

* Pansexual vs. Fluid: The chat weighed in on whether these men are “straight,” “pansexual” (hearts, not parts), or “sexually amorphous”.

* Chasers vs. Attraction: Dominique breaks down the difference between a “Tranny Chaser” and genuine attraction, noting that chasers often fetishize parts rather than seeing the whole woman.

Dating Apps & Safe Spaces

Jai sparks a necessary debate about digital spaces. If Grindr is for men seeking men, where is the dedicated space for trans women seeking men?. He emphasizes that while he respects trans women’s identities, as a gay man, his attraction remains focused on masculine-identified individuals.

Dear Black Gay Men’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Is “The Girls” Offensive?

The episode ends with a transparent moment of growth. A viewer challenged Jai on his use of the term “the girls” to describe his audience of Black gay men. While the live chat mostly embraced the term as “gay slang,” Jai committed to being more gender-inclusive to ensure all Black gay, bi, and curious men feel at home.

Want more? Catch the full replay for our “That Queen Can’t Climb My Back” celebrity game and more “Love Lessons”.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe

Are you still performing a version of yourself that doesn’t even exist anymore? In the latest episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, host Jai the Gentleman sits down with the “real-life Uncle Charlie,” Charlie Lewis Jr.. Inspired by his character in the Netflix series Forever, Charlie discusses his transformative new book, No Apologies: Love the Way You Live at Any Age.

Outgrowing the “Gay Ghetto”

Many of us find ourselves stuck in what Charlie calls the “gay ghetto”—surrounded only by people who share our same traumas and woundedness. While finding community is vital, Charlie argues that true intellectual wellness comes from curating a circle that challenges you to grow.

Top signs you’ve outgrown a friendship include:

* Malicious Jealousy: When a friend moves from “I wish I had that” to actively trying to take what is yours.

* Stagnant Perspectives: When people from your past refuse to see your growth because they are stuck on who you used to be.

* Lack of Understanding: When your “Bessie” can’t grasp your new life perspective or peace.

The Power of Reparenting

One of the most moving segments of the episode explores the concept of reparenting yourself. Charlie challenges us to write a love letter to our younger selves—addressing the 8 or 10-year-old version of us that had to muster strength just to survive. By forgiving those who “did the best they could with what they had,” we release the anger that blocks our path to joy.

Live Your Truth with No Apologies

“Black Joy is the Resistance,” says Charlie. It is time to stop shrinking, stop “praying the gay away,” and start living selfishly for your own peace. Whether you are navigating your 20s or reclaiming your life in midlife, remember: God didn’t make junk.

Ready to start your healing journey?

* Watch the full episode on YouTube

* Grab your copy of No Apologies by Charlie Lewis Jr.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe

Chasing Dreams and Avoiding Drama: A Deep Dive for Black Gay Men

What happens when the “black don’t crack” lifestyle meets the messy reality of professional and personal relationships? In this week’s episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, host Jai the Gentleman breaks down the latest tea and offers grounded advice for navigating our unique journeys to happiness.

Professional Power Plays: The Justin Diego & Chasing Reality Drama

The episode kicks off with the piping hot tea involving Atlanta YouTuber Justin Diego of Bingeworthy. After signing on as a co-executive producer for the Chasing Atlanta reboot, Justin ultimately walked away, releasing a tell-all video titled “Chasing Atlanta Will Not Be Binge Worthy”.

Jai discusses the “difficult and trying” nature of working within our community. He explores how unhealed trauma—from being bullied or cast aside—can lead some to violate their integrity just to hold onto a sliver of power. The takeaway? Success requires more than a title; it requires being likable and maintaining professional character.

Love, Age Gaps, and Civic Duty

The conversation shifts to the personal, reviewing a viral story from Love Don’t Judge featuring Janelle (43) and Giles (24). With a 19-year age gap, the couple faces scrutiny from family and online trolls. Jai questions the mismatch in life experience, asking if a 24-year-old can truly receive everything a partner two decades their senior has to pour out.

Jai also tackles a viewer’s question about dating and civic engagement. With high stakes in 2026, he outlines how to handle a partner who doesn’t vote:

* Define non-negotiables: Is it a dealbreaker or a growth opportunity?

* Understand their “Why”: Are they disillusioned or just unaware?

* Share, don’t preach: Invite them into low-stakes community activities.

Ready for the real tea? Join our YouTube membership for the exclusive after-show where Jai shares a very personal story about his first time bottoming in 10 years.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe

Protecting Your Peace When Millions are on the Line

We talk a lot about protecting your peace in dating or family, but what about when your global brand is at stake? Karamo Brown recently made waves by pulling a “Mo’Nique” and sitting out press for the final season of Queer Eye.

Karamo revealed he has felt mentally and emotionally abused on set for years, with his therapist advising him to stay home to avoid bullying by his own castmates. As the only Black face in an overwhelmingly white-adjacent space, Karamo’s stand highlights a trauma many of us know too well: the exhaustion of being the token Black gay guy.

The Julian Taylor Controversy: Life After Loss

The conversation shifted to the internet-famous Julian Taylor, formerly of a prominent throuple. Julian joined Lamont White on Shoot Your Shot Wednesday to discuss his journey back to dating after the tragic loss of his partner.

Julian opened up about:

* Healing through loss: How he’s mending his heart a year and a half later.

* The Throuple Dynamic: Navigating a “closed throuple” and why that relationship eventually fell apart.

* Accountability: His transparency about past mistakes, including cheating and the “shadow work” required to grow.

Find Your Softness

Jai concludes with a powerful reminder for those seeking love in 2026: look for softness over status. Degrees and followers won’t hold you at night—find a man who is healed enough to be vulnerable.

What’s your take? Could you thrive in a “closed throuple,” or is three a crowd for you?

Dear Black Gay Men’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe