It’s another Wednesday on the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, and Jai the Gentleman is diving deep into the conversations we usually only have in the group chat. This week, we’re reacting to a powerhouse guest: the award-winning artist and activist Dominique Morgan on the Boy Please Whatever podcast.

Who is Dominique Morgan?

Dominique is a Nebraska native now living in Atlanta who has transformed the landscape for Black trans people in the U.S.. Jai highlights her unique ability to blend philanthropy, activism, and trans visibility with a refreshing, unapologetic authenticity.

The Main Event: Trans Attraction and Labels

The episode tackles the “reality checks” Dominique brought to the table regarding straight men who are attracted to trans women. Jai poses a controversial question to the community: Where do we place these men in the culture?.

* Pansexual vs. Fluid: The chat weighed in on whether these men are “straight,” “pansexual” (hearts, not parts), or “sexually amorphous”.

* Chasers vs. Attraction: Dominique breaks down the difference between a “Tranny Chaser” and genuine attraction, noting that chasers often fetishize parts rather than seeing the whole woman.

Dating Apps & Safe Spaces

Jai sparks a necessary debate about digital spaces. If Grindr is for men seeking men, where is the dedicated space for trans women seeking men?. He emphasizes that while he respects trans women’s identities, as a gay man, his attraction remains focused on masculine-identified individuals.

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Is “The Girls” Offensive?

The episode ends with a transparent moment of growth. A viewer challenged Jai on his use of the term “the girls” to describe his audience of Black gay men. While the live chat mostly embraced the term as “gay slang,” Jai committed to being more gender-inclusive to ensure all Black gay, bi, and curious men feel at home.

Want more? Catch the full replay for our “That Queen Can’t Climb My Back” celebrity game and more “Love Lessons”.

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Are you still performing a version of yourself that doesn’t even exist anymore? In the latest episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, host Jai the Gentleman sits down with the “real-life Uncle Charlie,” Charlie Lewis Jr.. Inspired by his character in the Netflix series Forever, Charlie discusses his transformative new book, No Apologies: Love the Way You Live at Any Age.

Outgrowing the “Gay Ghetto”

Many of us find ourselves stuck in what Charlie calls the “gay ghetto”—surrounded only by people who share our same traumas and woundedness. While finding community is vital, Charlie argues that true intellectual wellness comes from curating a circle that challenges you to grow.

Top signs you’ve outgrown a friendship include:

* Malicious Jealousy: When a friend moves from “I wish I had that” to actively trying to take what is yours.

* Stagnant Perspectives: When people from your past refuse to see your growth because they are stuck on who you used to be.

* Lack of Understanding: When your “Bessie” can’t grasp your new life perspective or peace.

The Power of Reparenting

One of the most moving segments of the episode explores the concept of reparenting yourself. Charlie challenges us to write a love letter to our younger selves—addressing the 8 or 10-year-old version of us that had to muster strength just to survive. By forgiving those who “did the best they could with what they had,” we release the anger that blocks our path to joy.

Live Your Truth with No Apologies

“Black Joy is the Resistance,” says Charlie. It is time to stop shrinking, stop “praying the gay away,” and start living selfishly for your own peace. Whether you are navigating your 20s or reclaiming your life in midlife, remember: God didn’t make junk.

Ready to start your healing journey?

* Watch the full episode on YouTube

* Grab your copy of No Apologies by Charlie Lewis Jr.

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Chasing Dreams and Avoiding Drama: A Deep Dive for Black Gay Men

What happens when the “black don’t crack” lifestyle meets the messy reality of professional and personal relationships? In this week’s episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, host Jai the Gentleman breaks down the latest tea and offers grounded advice for navigating our unique journeys to happiness.

Professional Power Plays: The Justin Diego & Chasing Reality Drama

The episode kicks off with the piping hot tea involving Atlanta YouTuber Justin Diego of Bingeworthy. After signing on as a co-executive producer for the Chasing Atlanta reboot, Justin ultimately walked away, releasing a tell-all video titled “Chasing Atlanta Will Not Be Binge Worthy”.

Jai discusses the “difficult and trying” nature of working within our community. He explores how unhealed trauma—from being bullied or cast aside—can lead some to violate their integrity just to hold onto a sliver of power. The takeaway? Success requires more than a title; it requires being likable and maintaining professional character.

Love, Age Gaps, and Civic Duty

The conversation shifts to the personal, reviewing a viral story from Love Don’t Judge featuring Janelle (43) and Giles (24). With a 19-year age gap, the couple faces scrutiny from family and online trolls. Jai questions the mismatch in life experience, asking if a 24-year-old can truly receive everything a partner two decades their senior has to pour out.

Jai also tackles a viewer’s question about dating and civic engagement. With high stakes in 2026, he outlines how to handle a partner who doesn’t vote:

* Define non-negotiables: Is it a dealbreaker or a growth opportunity?

* Understand their “Why”: Are they disillusioned or just unaware?

* Share, don’t preach: Invite them into low-stakes community activities.

Ready for the real tea? Join our YouTube membership for the exclusive after-show where Jai shares a very personal story about his first time bottoming in 10 years.

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Protecting Your Peace When Millions are on the Line

We talk a lot about protecting your peace in dating or family, but what about when your global brand is at stake? Karamo Brown recently made waves by pulling a “Mo’Nique” and sitting out press for the final season of Queer Eye.

Karamo revealed he has felt mentally and emotionally abused on set for years, with his therapist advising him to stay home to avoid bullying by his own castmates. As the only Black face in an overwhelmingly white-adjacent space, Karamo’s stand highlights a trauma many of us know too well: the exhaustion of being the token Black gay guy.

The Julian Taylor Controversy: Life After Loss

The conversation shifted to the internet-famous Julian Taylor, formerly of a prominent throuple. Julian joined Lamont White on Shoot Your Shot Wednesday to discuss his journey back to dating after the tragic loss of his partner.

Julian opened up about:

* Healing through loss: How he’s mending his heart a year and a half later.

* The Throuple Dynamic: Navigating a “closed throuple” and why that relationship eventually fell apart.

* Accountability: His transparency about past mistakes, including cheating and the “shadow work” required to grow.

Find Your Softness

Jai concludes with a powerful reminder for those seeking love in 2026: look for softness over status. Degrees and followers won’t hold you at night—find a man who is healed enough to be vulnerable.

What’s your take? Could you thrive in a “closed throuple,” or is three a crowd for you?

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In this episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, Jai the Gentleman is digging into a story that has completely taken over our timelines: the tragic passing and alleged identity erasure of Girl Lala.

From Identity Erasure to “Robust Bottoms”

Before getting into the heavy stuff, Jai highlights a new favorite creator, Denzel Kanan, who has been dropping gems about sexual dynamics from a “bottom’s perspective”. Whether it’s discussing aftercare or what it really means when someone says “put me through the mattress,” Jai explores how our bedroom behavior reflects our cultural treatment of one another.

The Erasure of Girl Lala

The main event, however, is the devastating news surrounding Girl Lala, a prominent Black trans creator allegedly shot by her boyfriend. The real “fiasco” started after her death, as her father reportedly began using her massive platform to deadname and misgender her.

Key takeaways from the discussion:

* The Power of Tribe: Jai and T.S. Madison question where her “tribe” was during her abusive relationship.

* Legal Protection: In queer culture, our “unofficial” family units often lack the paperwork (wills, trusts, power of attorney) needed to advocate for us when we’re gone.

* The Mirror of Self-Respect: Jai poses a hard truth—the world reflects the respect we have for ourselves. If we don’t do the due diligence to respect our own identities legally and socially, we leave space for others to disrespect us.

Don’t Get Memorialized in a Lie

Don’t let your truth be squandered. Whether it’s updating your living documents or building a solid support system, protect your legacy.

Next Up: Join us Thursday at 9 p.m. Eastern as we talk to Nathan Hale Williams (producer of Dirty Laundry) about Black queer representation.

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This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe

In the latest episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast, Ja9 the Gentleman dives deep into the conversation currently taking over the timeline: the IAmZoie situation. As videos resurface allegedly showing the prominent creator in inappropriate exchanges with underage men, our community is divided on what accountability actually looks like.

Power, Clout, and the “Apology Tango”

With over 6 million followers, Zoie is a massive figure in mainstream spaces, from Wild ‘N Out to global stages. But as a Black gay man, does he have a responsibility to the community that “held him up” before he crossed over?

The chat didn’t hold back. Many listeners expressed that:

* Forced accountability is problematic: True change should be proactive, not a reaction to public pressure once “the girls set your feet on fire”.

* The Power Dynamics: Followers are currency. Powerful creators can manipulate those with less clout who are just “down for the come-up”.

* Right is Right: Regardless of the year (2018) or the context, sexualizing minors is never a gray area.

Are There Real Consequences?

Jai questions if “Internet fame” is a shield. Even if Zoie loses half his followers, he still has more reach than most of his peers. Will he stay “booked and busy” while the community forgets in six months?

What’s Coming Up Next?

We aren’t stopping here. Make sure to tune in for our upcoming episodes:

* Wednesday: Discussing the passing of Girl Lala and the social media backlash surrounding her memorial.

* Thursday: A full-circle moment with producer Nathan Hale Williams (Dirty Laundry) and Marcus Wilson to discuss Black gay representation in media.

Want more b******t-free talk? Join the DBGM family on Substack to join the private chat and get exclusive dating advice that helped Jai find love.

Would you like me to draft a list of social media captions to help promote this blog post?

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On this episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast where we dive into the explosive documentary, Sean Combs: The Reckoning. Join Jai the Gentleman as he unpacks the fall of a Black culture icon and asks the tough questions about integrity, business, and big visions.

🚨 The Reckoning: What the Doc Alleges

The four-part Netflix series, executive produced by Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson and directed by Alexandria Stapleton, chronicles Diddy’s career from his start at Uptown Records through his recent legal troubles. Jai and the chat discuss the shocking allegations that Diddy was involved in:

* The murders of Tupac and Biggie.

* The death and tragedy that allegedly fueled his superstardom, including the nine lives lost at a celebrity basketball game he promoted.

* The alleged sexual violation of countless women and men.

💡 Big Visions vs. Bad Business

The conversation shifts from celebrity scandals to lessons for the community. Jai emphasizes the importance of integrity in Black gay business. Citing Diddy and others, he stresses that success must be built on honesty:

* Pay people well and on time. Black businesses often struggle with poor practices, leading to talent leaving for better opportunities.

* Maintain integrity and avoid blurred lines. Jai points out that issues of abuse of power can play out even in Black queer spaces.

* Have a Big Vision! While Diddy and others were “fucked up how they pursued that vision,” they fundamentally aimed for something monumental, a mindset Jai encourages the Black gay community to adopt in business and in love.

💬 Hookup Culture Hot Take

Jai also sparks a viral debate on gay hookup protocol, asking: Should you log onto the apps after you’re fully prepped, or risk a wasted shower and a missed connection?

Tune in for the full discussion on this monumental doc and what it teaches us about our culture, business practices, and relationships.

Dear Black Gay Men’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe

Jai the Gentleman dives deep into some challenging and necessary conversations, navigating the complexities of race, sexuality, and community with his trademark blend of honesty and fire. The episode, titled “White People S**t,” centers on the realities faced by Black gay men today.

The Comfort Conundrum

The show kicks off with a provocative question: Would you rather be the lone gay person in an all-Black hetero space (like a family Thanksgiving) or the lone Black face in an all-queer white space? The chat was split, leading to a crucial discussion about navigating predominantly straight Black environments versus predominately white queer ones. Jai shares how getting older gave him the confidence to stop shrinking and moving through life as a “one life gay” man—the same everywhere he goes.

Conversion and Kink: The Race Play Debacle

Jai then shifts to reacting to a reel featuring a white gay man who claims, “Jesus is all the man I need” and “No, I will not date a boy,” framing it as a modernized version of conversion ideology. He connects this to the problematic idea that Black people have historically been told they are “not good enough” unless they change.

The main story tackles the shocking case of “Big C,” a creator who built an OnlyFans empire on degrading Black and brown people through race play and racial slurs. Jai critiques insecure “doms” who confuse providing things with earning the right to lead, a flaw that leads to abuses of power, both in sexual scenes and real life.

Catch the full episode for more on these essential discussions, World AIDS Day observations, and a fun list of things the gays do that straights “just can’t handle”.

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The latest episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast tackles a question burning up the timelines: Is the dating pool really trash, or are we, the daters, the drama? Host Jai the Gentleman dives deep into this topic, reacting to the recent vlog, “32 and Dating is Trash,” by vlogger DearDondre.

Jai and the chat audience explored the complexities of finding love and happiness, especially as Black gay men. Dondre, whom Jai affirms as attractive and having the best of intentions, often struggles to navigate the dating scene, even in a city like Houston, which Jai calls “the Atlanta of the other side of the South”. Dondre’s story, including paying for a man to fly out to see him and his complicated on-again, off-again relationship with an ex, sparked a lively conversation.

The community weighed in on the “three-strikes rule” for reaching out to someone you’re interested in, before calling it quits. Jai shared his own dating history, noting that sometimes the heart’s desire to be loved can “trump logic every single time”.

Ultimately, Jai concluded that while every “pool has piss in it” (meaning the dating pool does have problems ), if you acknowledge you’re standing in the “pissy part” and don’t move, then you are the problem. The path to healthier dating involves confronting your own unhealed trauma.

The underlying constant? We all just want to be loved.

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The drama surrounding Jess Hilarious’s controversial comments about who can have babies and her subsequent firing from the Ms. Pat Settles It show is the main event on the latest episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast. Host Jai the Gentleman dives deep into the fallout, offering an unfiltered look at why Jess’s actions continue to generate massive backlash within the queer community.

🛑 Why Jess Hilarious Can’t “Shut The F**k Up”

Jess Hilarious first sparked controversy with her “who’s looking out for black women?” debacle , and then doubled down with the scientifically inaccurate “only women can have babies” message on The Breakfast Club. This led to her getting fired from The Ms. Pat Show, a conversation that was later discussed by Ms. Pat and the show’s queer creator, Jordan E. Cooper, on The Breakfast Club.

Jai argues that Jess keeps putting her “foot in her mouth” because controversy is her “whole shtick,” even suggesting it’s the reason she keeps her job at The Breakfast Club.

🏳️‍🌈 The Real Power in the Room

A central theme of the episode is the immense, often unseen, power of Black queer people in the entertainment industry. Jai emphasizes a critical truth: “The gays run s**t”.

* If you offend all queer people with “dumb s**t,” you will get “booted”.

* There’s always a queer person in charge, be it the producer, writer, publicist, or executive producer.

* Jordan E. Cooper, the queer creator of The Ms. Pat Show and Ms. Pat Settles It, is a perfect example of this influence.

Jai’s message is clear: You “never win when you’re on the wrong side of queer culture”. The vast majority of Black queer culture is “aligned against Jess Hilarious” for her repeated offenses.

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