While I haven’t bottomed in a long time, most of my exes have been versatile.

The irony, though, is that most of the problems and successes we faced in relationships stemmed from everything aside from what happens in the bedroom.

Being verse, just like being top or bottom, can be limited to just dicks and asses, but I’ve found that for most of us, sexual position has some spill over into emotions, how we express our queerness, and how we’d like to be received by our partners.

So tonight, let’s assume for a quick moment that there are two kinds of versatile. There’s sexual versatility and emotional versatility.

I want to know if these two things exist. And if they both do, then how do we connect (1) connect with men that are the kind of vers that works with us, and (2) how do we steer clear of vers men that don’t.

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Chapters

1. Introduction: Unpacking Versatility (00:00:01) The host, Jai The Gentleman, introduces the episode's topic: exploring versatility beyond just sexual positions.

2. The Four Types of Verse (00:05:09) Jai explains the four types of versatile men based on his experience.

3. Community and Criticism (00:08:14)

4. Assumptions and Follow-Up Questions (00:13:52) The host poses a question to the audience: What is the first thing that comes to mind when a person says they are "verse"?

5. "Total" vs. "Verse" (00:36:25) Jai explains his preference for dating versatile men over "total" tops or bottoms.

He finds that people who use the word "total" to describe their position often have insecurities and focus on reinforcing boundaries he already respects15He feels that these individuals bring their insecurities into the bedroom, making the sexual experience about "f*****g parts and not people"He also criticizes tops who refuse to engage in oral sex, calling them "useless"17

6. Sexual Baggage and Vulnerability (00:41:22) The host discusses the baggage and insecurities some gay men carry, especially those who identify as masculine or "trade."

7. Intentionality in Kink Spaces

(00:58:43) Jai and a commenter discuss the lack of intentionality some Black men bring to kink spaces. He explains that since many in the community are "unaware of kink behavior," they don't know how to follow the "rules and regulations" of spaces like dark rooms20He gives examples of people using their phones with flashlights or turning on lights in a dark room, violating the intended purpose of the space21Jai advocates for more intentionality in how Black men explore their sexuality, so they can create more safe spaces for exploration.

8. A Brooklyn Caller's Perspective (01:05:41) A caller named Donnie from Brooklyn, New York, joins the show.

9. A Verse Caller’s Perspective (01:10:06) Nicholas and Jai discuss the parallels between sexual versatility and emotional intelligence.

10. The Power of Versatile Men

(01:14:42) Jai concludes the show by stating that he believes men who practice versatility are more emotionally aware and can teach the broader community how to balance masculine and feminine energy. He says that many Black men have a hard time being vulnerable and allowing themselves to be cared for, which is a skill that versatile men can help master. He believes that versatile men are meant to help the gay community evolve into a "better group of people".

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe

I am what the gworls would call a “soft top”.

I like to do all the traditionally masculine things, but I also am fully a butch queen. I haven’t been fucked in years and don’t have a whole lot of interest in being fucked, but I would for the right person as long as they know how to handle my delicate flower.

Fun Fact: someone once called it a slut with my dick but a prude with my hole.

1. The Top Drought (00:00:00)

2. Church Announcements: The Blog and a Hookup Story (00:01:52)

3. Understanding Bottom’s Non-Verbal Cues (00:08:52)

4. Critiquing Queer Culture and Fetishization (00:41:52)

5. The Fetishization of Masculinity (00:22:52)

6. The Evolution of Queer Identities (00:55:14)

7. The Dangers of Narrow Definitions (00:30:02)

8. The Four Kinds of Vers (01:16:19)

9. Patriarchy in Queer Relationships (01:05:06)

10. The Value of Sex and Self-Awareness (01:19:05)

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe

I like being naked. I like being naked with other men. And I like being naked when sex has nothing to do with it…but it can.

I call that being a nudist, but sometimes terms like kink, or nudist, or voyeur don’t resonate with Black men. But can they? Or should they?

So tonight, I’m joined by the promoter behind the biggest wave of nudist club nights for cis men by a Black promoter. I’ve attended his events and found a whole new acceptance of who I am and the body I live in.

Connect with MrSinsored: http://www.x.com/MrSinsored

* Introduction: Nudism and Kink (0:00:01)

* Events and House Party (0:02:58)

* Nudism and Insecurities (0:05:45)

* Reveal's Atmosphere (0:07:36)

* What Have You Had It With (0:11:29)

* Host's Perspective on Community and Kink (0:28:06)

* Nudism as a Kink and Language (0:31:59)

* Show Conclusion and Final Thoughts (0:51:17)

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe

When I walk into any pride celebration, there are a couple things that connect me and most of the men present. Number 1: we’re all men and Number 2: we’re attracted to men. But what happens when only one of those apply to all of us and how do we create pride celebrations that affirm all of our experiences.

So tonight I’m joined by A’Jay Love. He’s a trans masc creator who gained prominence when he was highlighted on Truly’s “My Extraordinary Family” where he shared his parenting journey as a man of trans experience.

00:00:01 - Introduction

00:00:29 - On Being a Man and a Trans Man

00:48:19 - Dating and Relationships

01:06:46 - Navigating Cisgender Spaces

01:03:00 - Audience Q&A

➡️ Connect with A’Jay Love: http://www.instagram.com/i_am_ajaylove

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➡️ Connect with Jai The Gentleman

IG: https://www.instagram.com/JaiTheGentleman

http://www.dearblackgaymen.com

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe

These couples uncover the secrets to successfully navigating the dating pool as I abruptly find myself back in it.

* 00:00:00 - Introduction: Three Rules for Finding a Man

* 00:01:11 - Applying the Lessons & Welcome

* 00:02:02 - Personal Update: Dealing with a Breakup

* 00:04:50 - The Danger of Denying Emotions After a Breakup

* 00:09:25 - Finding a Good Man: Setting Intention

* 00:11:02 - Different Love Stories & Knowing What You Want

* 00:12:30 - Overcoming Baggage and Seeing with Clear Eyes

* 00:14:11 - Keep Trying & Outro

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe

This week, Jai The Gentleman connects with Daniel Driffin

Chapters

0:00:00 - Introduction to the guest, Dr. Daniel Driffin

0:01:51 - Discussion on the CRIBB program

0:11:09 - NAESM as family, friends, and a brave space

0:12:01 - The need for affirmation within the Black queer culture

0:22:52 - The significance of the changing language and the future of black queer culture

0:26:06 - Personal significance of becoming Dr. Daniel Driffin

0:28:58 - The importance of looking forward and inspiring others

Jai The Gentleman presents The Conversation is produced by VERS Communications and is part of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast network.

The show is executive produced by Jai Makokha and Royce Pearson is our producer.

Special thanks to NAESM Inc for sponsoring this episode.  To volunteer or if you need health related services in Atlanta, visit NAESM.org.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe

My inadequacies around relationship stemmed from times when my feelings were disregarded. I learned, having been on the receiving end of emotional trauma, that there are three basic agreements at work in any relationship. Nailing these will help quell the inadequacies and insecurities so many of us experience in our partners, and make way for clear agreements that both (or all) involved can be comfortable with.

Chapters:

Three Basic Agreements in a Healthy Relationship (00:00:00)

Agreement with Self: Integrity (00:00:16)

Agreement with Relationship: Commitment (00:00:59)

Agreement with Other Person: Transparency (00:01:19)

Welcome to Dear Black Gay Men Podcast (00:02:05)

A Story of Integrity and a Missed Party (00:02:34)

Defining Integrity in an Open Relationship (00:05:31)

The "Clear Conscience" Rule for Sex (00:06:14)

Learning from Past Sexual Experiences and STDs (00:11:13)

The Importance of "Why Am I Here?" (00:12:03)

Integrity: Who Are You When Nobody's Looking? (00:14:57)

Datability and Underneath the Facade (00:17:26)

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe

This week Jai The Gentleman discusses:

How "coming out" goes way further than just telling people you're gay. It's an everyday process that starts with yourself.

NEW CONTENT, every day on YT : youtube.com/@dearblackgaymen

Subscribe to second channel: youtube.com/@jaithegentleman

Shop Brand New Merch: https://dearblackgaymen.shop

Listen on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3CvMjTh

Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/3pKIK47

Chapters

Introduction: Defining "Coming Out" (00:00:00)

Introduction & Announcements (00:02:03)

Coming Out to Your Penis: A Personal Journey into Chastity (00:04:18)

The Power of Exploring Beyond Expectations (00:08:50)

Conclusion: Beyond the Surface (00:13:24)

Outro (00:15:26)

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe

This week Jai The Gentleman discusses the last relationship he was in and how Black queer culture tried to destroy it. And how you can safeguard your relationship from the triggers that come from the gworls.

00:00 Introduction to Black Gay Culture and Relationships

01:04 Welcome to Dear Black Gay Men Podcast 0

1:47 Personal Dating Experiences and Vulnerability

03:11 Church Announcements and Upcoming Events

05:15 Lessons Learned from Past Relationships

07:43 The Importance of Trust in Relationships

10:02 Navigating Opinions and Cultural Scrutiny

11:34 Commitment and Conflict Resolution

13:53 Final Thoughts and Outro

NEW CONTENT, every day on YT : youtube.com/@dearblackgaymen

Subscribe to second channel: youtube.com/@jaithegentleman

Shop Brand New Merch: https://dearblackgaymen.shop

Listen on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3CvMjTh

Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/3pKIK47

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe

Read “I made 6 guys cum at the park” https://bit.ly/4jFmRx3

Chapters

00:00 The Importance of Sex in Relationships

00:57 Introduction to the Podcast

01:56 Church Announcements

04:21 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

08:35 The Complexity of Relationships

13:24 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

➡️ Shop DBGM Merch: https://www.dearblackgaymen.shop 

➡️ Become an Insider: https://youtube.com/@dearblackgaymen/join

➡️ Join the newsletter: http://dearblackgaymen.substack.com

📲 Subscribe to Dear Black Gay Men Podcast

Apple: https://tinyurl.com/5ymdtdx4

Spotify: https://tinyurl.com/2p9pye7s

YT: YouTube.com/@DearBlackGayMen

🎶 Theme music by The Passion HIFI

Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.

➡️ Connect with Jai The Gentleman

IG: https://www.instagram.com/JaiTheGentleman

http://www.dearblackgaymen.com

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe