Talking to your kids about cancer might feel like one of the hardest conversations you'll ever have, but as a mother, it's a conversation that can strengthen your family's resilience in ways you never imagined.

Welcome back to another episode of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. I’m Veronica Cisneros, your host and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and today we’re diving into a heavy, but necessary, topic: talking to your kids about cancer. 

I know—it’s not something anyone wants to discuss, but if you or a loved one is dealing with a cancer diagnosis, it’s something that needs to be addressed. We’ve been getting an increasing number of calls from families who are struggling with how to start these conversations with their children. Whether you’ve just received a diagnosis or lost a loved one, this episode is about how to navigate those tough discussions, support your children emotionally, and build resilience in your family.

So let’s dive in.

Summary

• Talking to your kids about cancer is necessary.
• Kids often pick up on more than we realize.
• Don't panic. Your kids need to know they're safe.
• Honesty is critical and your kids can handle more.
• Don't be afraid to show your emotions.
• Therapy can be a game changer.
• Resilience isn't something they're born with.
• Encourage open dialogue, even when it's uncomfortable.
• Teens often open up more through activities.
• You're not expected to navigate this alone.

The Emotional Impact on Your Kids: What to Watch For

When you're dealing with cancer, one of the hardest parts is balancing your own emotional processing with being there for your children. You may think that if your child isn’t asking questions, then maybe they’re okay. But here’s the truth: kids pick up on more than we realize.

They’re experts at noticing changes in behavior, tone, and routines. While they may not verbalize their worries, they can still be affected emotionally. Often, kids will internalize their feelings, showing signs of distress through their behavior rather than words.

Signs of Emotional Distress

Here are some common signs that your child might be struggling to process the news:

• Withdrawal: Your child may become quieter or spend more time alone. This is a sign that they might be trying to protect themselves emotionally or even protect you from additional stress.
• Acting Out: You might notice irritability, frustration, or sudden changes in behavior. A normally easygoing child may start having more emotional outbursts or tantrums.
• Over-responsibility: This one is huge, especially for older children. They may feel like they need to step up and take on more responsibilities at home. This can lead to anxiety or even depression if left unchecked.

Let me give you an example. I worked with a family where the mother was diagnosed with cancer, and her 11-year-old daughter started isolating herself. She wasn’t asking questions, but her teachers noticed she wasn’t engaging in class. At home, she would go straight to her room. After digging deeper, we found that she was overwhelmed by the diagnosis but didn’t know how to express her fears.

“Kids can internalize stress without showing it right away, so even if they’re not talking about it, they’re likely feeling it.” - Veronica Cisneros

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